The Martlet - Issue 2

4

WORLD

12

COMMENT

15

TRAVEL

20

Martlet

What game is Russia playing in Ukraine?

Why Scotland should say ‘No’ to independence.

Abingdon students tell us about their home cities.

SPORT

Who should win the Premier League Oscars 2014?

The

SUMMER ISSUE

Abingdon School’s Leading Newspaper

ISSUE 02

COMPETITION RESULTS INSIDE! P.23

IS THE SCHOOL COUNCIL WORTH IT? P.12

MR. SHIRAZI’S FINAL INTERVIEW P.13

COVER STORY

Abingdon

Lost at sea Daniel Alcock looks back to the stormy and dangerous conditions that our small town had to face.

W

e started the new year with a lot of rain, which led to dramatic floods around the UK, even in Abingdon! It affected most boys at Abingdon School in one way or another. Storm after storm kept on coming and the river levels just wouldn’t go down. It took until the beginning of March for the weather to completely settle. Every time there was a brief window

of good weather and we thought that was the end of it, BAM! A week of practically monsoon rainfall hit us yet again. This extreme volume of rain affected Abingdon and the people who lived nearby, but compared to much of the rest of the UK. As the term started, all boys were eager to hit the books and play as much Hockey and Football as possible, as well as hitting the boathouse for the start of

a great rowing season. However, these dreams didn’t become reality. In the first week of 2014, it rained heavily every day, which did not lead to good things. Mushy fields meant outdoor training for football could not happen regularly, and many fixtures were canceled. Rowers bounced into school to be hit by the news that

Continued on page 3

2

THE MARTLET SUMMER ISSUE 2

Contents

A letter from the Editors Following the triumphant relaunch of the Martlet, Tom Harkness & Henry Wilkinson welcome you to our latest issue

W

elcome to the summer issue of the Martlet. In this issue we have tried to build on the success of the first, and with a huge range of articles and content we feel that we have done exactly that.

The influx of new writers volunteering in the wake of the first edition is testament to the quality of the first issue. We have also been inundated with responses to various competitions and questions, which is great to see. Particularly impressive have been the responses to the ‘Have your say...’ feature, with the winner’s letter published on the inside back cover.

We must be doing something right as there seems to be a new publication for every department in the school, and we think that this is down to the success of the first issue.

We have worked hard to produce an original and professional design, and to couple this with high quality articles. In this edition, we cover the world from Abingdon to Brazil, as we reflect on the winter floods and look forward to the World Cup. This diverse spread of articles is one of the unique features of the Martlet: whilst other publications may focus on a specific subject, we ensure that we have something for everyone.

Our overriding goal is to create a newspaper that everyone can be proud of, and we hope that you enjoy reading it as much as we enjoy making it.

In this issue...

LOCAL NEWS

Abingdon lost at sea WORLD NEWS

Ukraine: The crisis deepens

page 3

CULTURE

Film review: The Hobbit film trilogy The locals’ Lonely Planet

page 4

SPORT COMMENT

Scotland’s only answer is ‘NO’!

8 steps to make England’s test team great again

Tony Benn: The last great politician?

Who will win the World Cup?

Are we solving world poverty?

Benefits for benefits?

Premier League Oscars 2014 page 10

‘Useless middlemen’ or ‘vox populi’?

ADVICE

page 22

YOUR CONTRIBUTIONS

page 23

Dudley’s Dilemmas

Science wins, nearly!

SCHOOL

page 16

How the Ashes turned to dust in England’s hands

page 6

Political Caricature

FEATURE

page 14

page 12

Have your say

The bails are off…

BACK PAGE

The Big Quiz

3

THE MARTLET SUMMER ISSUE 2

Local News

The ducks had the river to themselves

Entire parks and fields were flooded with water in Abingdon

Abingdon lost at sea COVER STORY

Daniel Alcock remembers the times of peril Abingdon had to face.

Continued from cover page the part of the Thames running through Abingdon had completely overflowed, flooding nearby parks and roads. This, of course, meant no boats could get onto the water. Just the sheer velocity of the river would have swept away the best crews. Rowers turned to land training, which involved a lot of running and a lot of stretching. Of course, they were delighted with any sort of training, but they truly belong on the water. The situation of rivers in other parts of England also led to regattas and races being canceled.

Thankfully, all years can now make it onto the water, with training and optimism at an all time high for every crew.

Fields are in use again, and are recovering for the cricket season.

However, sport was not the only way that boys were affected. Boys were often late for their first period class and as

Local residents struggle to get home

their bus struggled due to closed roads and heavy traffic, havoc ensued. Some pupils were up to two hours late because of the dramatic conditions. Of course, missing two lessons of school is something no one wants to face: every minute

cleverly built on land higher than the river) so, thankfully, school did not face cancellation on any days.

As a result, the pupils of Abingdon School got off quite lightly compared to much of the rest of the country, especial-

“ ”

The sheer velocity of the river would have swept away the best crews. of learning is precious after all! Luckily, none of the main part of Abingdon, such as the town centre, was flooded ( it was

ly the South East. According to the BBC, 5800 properties were flooded this year in the UK. Roads were destroyed, railway

tracks were bent out of shape and flood defences were breached. The height and damage of the floods may not have been as brutal as they were in 2007, but it’s taken around three months for it all to settle again. Storms did not only cause flooding of course. Tidal surges attacked coastal areas, causing property damage, deaths and a missing teenager.

Was this truly the worst event ever to happen to Abingdon? Well it lasted so long that sport constantly had to be canceled, with one of the most frustrating rowing terms in recent memory. Some boys also got wet feet walking to their bus stops through the water filled streets, and sadly lessons were missed due to the weather! However, it wasn’t the end of the world. Things are now more or less back to normal after the wettest winter since records began.

4

THE MARTLET SUMMER ISSUE 2

World News

Ukrainians take to the streets of Kiev in protest at the abandonment of closer ties with the EU

Ukraine: CRISIS

The crisis deepens Max Finch investigates the story behind the standoff between Russia and Ukraine.

Armed Russian servicemen march outside a

ver since the Cold War, Russia has tried to exert its influence over what is Eastern Europe, or what was known during the Cold War as Russia’s ‘sphere of influence’. You would assume the problems in Ukraine would be sorted out internally by a completely independent government, although quite the reverse has occurred with Russia mobilising troops, moving into the Crimea, firing warning shots and conducting an ‘illegal’ referendum.

Many think the problems started with the appointment of President Yanukovych and claims that the voting was rigged to ensure the outcome because he was pro-Russian. However, the real problems started last year on the 21st November, when Yanukovych decided to abandon an agreement to have closer ties with the EU, opting instead for closer co-operation with Russia. The initial result of this was small protests but, only days later, nearly 100,000 people took to the streets of Kiev in protest. Then in December, over 800,000 took to the streets protesting.

From the 16th January, things started to turn ugly. The government of Ukraine passed anti-protest laws, clearly showing

reforms? It was obvious they wanted a change in the government!

Clearly the next significant step was Russia’s involvement in Crimea. Their involvement started on the 27th of February, where Pro-Russian gunmen seized key buildings in the Crimean capital Simferopol. Coincidentally, Viktor Yanukovych then appeared at a press conference where he insisted he remained the president and opposed the military intervention in (or division of ) Ukraine.

Whether this was a ploy by him to attempt to regain control over the protesters by making them believe he was one of them, we don’t know. However, it was later reported on the 3rd March by President Putin that Yanukovych had asked the Russian president for the use of force. Why was a supposedly independent country with an army of its own asking its neighbour for military assistance? The answer to me is quite clear.

When Putin got a law passed in the Russian parliament for the use of Russian troops in Ukraine, there was an outcry in the international community condemning his actions as barbaric and as a return to the ideas of the Cold War. His reasons, which were stated to Barack Obama, were that Russia has a duty to

E

us that the population of the country was being bullied to follow a belief that only a minority shared. Then, another drastic measure was taken by the Ukrainian government only a week later, annulling the anti-protest laws and releasing all 234 prisoners arrested since 1st December in

Russia’s first involvement came to light after the tragic events of 20th February this year. With over 88 people killed in 48 hours and uniformed snipers firing at the protesters, a problem that started out as extremely small now became extremely violent. Armed men were seen

“

Ukraine and Russia are heading along a road that will inevitably lead to war.

”

relation to the protests. This must show that the government was taking extreme measures to delay the protesters and to try to keep them happy before the metaphorical boot of Russia got involved.

It also shows that the government were scared of the power of the protesters and the international recognition they were receiving. David Cameron even went as far to say ‘we will help the people of Ukraine’.

as the only solution to the protesters. Is this the sort of government you would want leading Britain, where armed men ‘carry out’ the law by use of weapons?

Russia, along with several other countries, sent an envoy. Although agreements were achieved and witnessed by French, German and Polish foreign ministers, the protests continued. Why didn’t the international community realise that the people of Ukraine didn’t want simple

5

THE MARTLET SUMMER ISSUE 2

Vladimir Putin arrives to watch a military exercise near St. Petersburg, March 3

Obama delivers a speech on 27 March in support of the Ukrainian people

Ukrainian military base in the village of Perevalnoye, Crimea, March 9, 2014 protect firstly, its interests in Ukraine and secondly, the Russian speaking people in Ukraine. Both these ideas seem to suggest a lack of regard for a country’s independence.

The 4th, 5th and 6th of March saw interesting developments in the situation in Ukraine, with Putin denying that Russian troops were present in the Crimea, although it was evident that there were soldiers there wearing Russian uniform.

These same soldiers have also prevented Ukrainian forces from retaking Belbek airbase. However, the news that broke on the 6th March was probably the most shocking. MPs from Crimea wanted to return the country to Russian ownership, and a referendum was scheduled for the 21st March. What was then established was that foreign troops were camped outside air bases, preventing troops from entering the areas. The Regional First Deputy PM Rustam Temirgaliev (and the new Deputy Chairman of the Autonomous Republic of Crimea) told the BBC that ‘Crimea is now Russia’. With Russian troops present in the Crimea it is possible to say the people are being bullied into making this choice, although this is speculation.

Needless to say, the referendum was

passed. Now we can look at Crimea as part of the Russian Federation after 97% of Crimeans voted ‘yes’. All the ‘correct measures’ have been taken for the annexation of Crimea, although there is still a lot of international criticism directed towards Russia.

After the referendum on the 18th March, Russian President Vladimir Pu-

Russia disagreeing over who should have the Crimea instead of Berlin?

Throughout the crisis, troops have been moved into position on the borders of Crimea by both Ukraine and Russia: an obvious cause of increased tension.

However, on the 24th of March Ukraine withdrew its soldiers, and the next day Barack Obama urged Moscow to “move

“ ”

Whatever happens next will surely shock the world. tin addressed his parliament, defending Moscow’s actions in Crimea, and then signed a bill to absorb the peninsula into the Russian Federation. EU leaders and Barack Obama openly criticised this decision, with Obama standing by his policy that he proposed on the 12th March to support Ukraine in this problem. Could it be that the Cold War is going to start again, except this time with America and

back its troops” in a bid to reduce tensions. This did supposedly happen on the 31st March when Putin ordered a “partial withdrawal” of troops from the border of Ukraine. However, this decision by Russia was announced by German officials and there has been a lot of speculation as to whether it was true. On the 1st April, NATO announced that the Russians had taken no such decision, with evidence

from satellite images to back this up.

This clearly shows how stubborn Russia has become and that they are unable to see what problems they have created.

Russia was even willing to disagree with the statement made by NATO They claimed the pictures were from August 2013, but NATO stood by their original judgement. Surely this shows the world that Russia is unable to acknowledge when they are in the wrong. Instead of looking at their own mistakes, they criticise others.

Russia’s inability to see its faults continued after pro-Russian activists seized government buildings in Donetsk and Luhansk on the 7th April, and seized six armoured vehicles on the 16th April.

Then, to add salt to the wounds, Russia blamed the deaths of pro-Russian activists on Ukrainian nationalists, claiming that the nationalists were in the wrong.

How ironic!

Now, with Ukraine’s acting president ordering a relaunch of military operations against pro-Russian militants on the 22nd April, it seems that Ukraine and Russia are heading along a road that will inevitably lead to war. Whatever happens next will surely shock the world.

6

THE MARTLET SUMMER ISSUE 2

Comment POLITICS

Scotland’s only answer is ‘NO’!

Patrick Macpherson Cole explains why he thinks Scotland cannot say ‘Yes’ to independence

‘L

eaving the UK and losing the pound will cost jobs, raise mortgage rates, increase credit card prices and make people’s weekly shop more expensive,’ says Alistair Darling, leader of the NO campaign. He raises but one of the reasons (that in my opinion are many) why Scottish independence is an ill thoughtthrough concept.

time but this remains to be seen and if not then their sports stars will be unable to compete. This doesn’t seem like a big deal and, frankly, it isn’t but it does mean that those Scottish Olympic athletes who were holding medals at the end of the London 2012 Olympics will have no chance to defend their titles. You may think that 10% percent is not a lot but as they say quality over quantity! That 10% percent includes sports stars such as Andy Murray. When you look at it from this point of view, then you realise that England’s cultural identity too would be affected.

Economy

Having lead with Mr Darling’s statement, it would be prudent to first discuss the economic problems facing an independent Scotland. Alex Salmond seemed to be under the illusion that Scotland would be able to keep the pound if they split from the rest of the UK. This is, of course, false. George Osborne almost immediately hit back at this, and, rather rarely backed up by both Liberal Democrats and Labour, saying that this was ridiculous. His exact words were ‘If Scotland walks away from the UK, it walks away from the UK pound’. There’s no legal reason why the rest of the UK would need to share its currency with Scotland.’

This was quite the blow to Salmond who responded by quite literally calling Osborne a bully!

Another major part of Osborne’s rebuttal was the fact that ‘The UK is growing faster than any other advanced economy in Europe, and within the Union, Scotland is growing faster than the rest.’

By this he means that leaving the pound Scotland will destroy the economy it has been building. They will receive no financial aid however from the UK, and the EU are currently hesitant about letting new nations adopt the Euro. As such Scotland will probably have to set up a trial currency and will go through all the grief every other country went through years ago.

Independence will also prove disastrous for businesses both large and small.

However, most businesses are not large enough to have any impact in the election and the ones that are large enough prefer not to speak out about politics.

Standard Life a large Scottish insurance company, among others, is already publicly discussing leaving if there is a YES vote.

Welfare

The next way in which the newly inde-

National Identity

Alistair Darling, Labour politician, believes independence will be disadvantageous pendent Scotland would suffer would be in terms of welfare. As it stands in the united UK, the NHS ignores borders, but would the National Health Service include a country independent of the nation it is attached to. If someone from Aberdeen fell ill and needed hospital care then they would get the same level of care from Aberdeen to Newcastle for Aberystwyth. Though they would set up their own healthcare system, while the facilities are already there, Scotland would have to set up new management which would cost time and money as well as limiting help from the rest of the UK. As I said, the facilities would remain, and there is a chance that the NHS will opt to stay in Scotland, but questions still remain. How will jobs be affected? And how will the quality of services be maintained? This process would also largely affect charities in Scotland. Hence, there would be a massive cost to the Scottish people and government to maintain the running of current hospitals or set up new ones.

Entertainment

A rather simple question that has been raised is: What will happen to the BBC?

For such a simple question there is actually no simple answer. With no official statement from the BBC we cannot say for sure, but what we can say is that, by definition, the British Broadcasting Company does not expand into a country that is not part of Britain. This said, there is of course the possibility that the BBC may open a Scottish office, or that Scots will simply be able to buy BBC channels much like that which is possible in the US. Alex Salmond has said that after a year, they will set up a Scottish Broadcasting Company (SBC) but will still be able to receive all the BBC channels. He has, however, neglected to mention the cost of this service.

Sport

On average, Scottish athletes win 20% of all British medals in the Olympic Games, despite making up only 10% of the team. The Olympic council state that they would accept ‘any new nation recognised by the international community’. Scotland would not be recognised in time for the Rio Olympics in 2016.

There have, however, been statements by members of the SNP stating that they would be able to get a team together in

The Queen would, of course, still be the Head of State of an independent Scotland, so would our flag have to change?

Many argue that the union jack would no longer be valid if Scotland gained independence. As such, it would not only impact our national identity, but also that of every commonwealth country with the union jack in the top left corner of their flag who would have to make the decision as to whether they change or not. I have already discussed the change in sporting team. This is just one of the many ways in which national identity will be changed for both the British and the Scottish.

Military

By now, you may have realised just how weak Scotland will be. Thus, it will need a strong military. It has been stated that ‘an independent Scotland would be able to fund a Scottish Defence Force including four frigates, 15 fast jets and 9,000 regular soldiers with a £2.5 billion budget.’

This is massively less than some would argue a new nation needs to defend its borders, and with Scotland being an island country many could argue that it needs more than four frigates. I have already discussed the economic problems facing an independent Scotland, so a £2.5 billion budget to spend on anything is not what it needs.

With all this considered, you may have realised just how against Scottish independence I am. Being half Scottish, I know that all of my family, including those English living in Scotland, will be voting ‘NO’ and I strongly urge those of you who can to do the same.

7

THE MARTLET SUMMER ISSUE 2

Comment

Political Caricature POLITICS

A

lmost 4 years ago, though it might seem more, the electorate said “Well I don’t know!” and the UK was plummeted into its first political coalition talks for over 65 years, resulting in the incumbent Lib. Dem./Tory coalition of today.

However, with the next general elections approaching, the three main political parties will be hoping for a majority this time.

The Liberal Democrats have not enjoyed a peaceful time in coalition. Following their U-turn on university tuition fees, a nation-wide search for Nick Clegg’s spine began, but to no avail thus far. Since that almost damning move, Mr. Clegg has struggled to maintain his stance that the Lib. Dems. are making any impact in government: when the US President visited for a BBQ at No. 10, he was put on salad duty; when he visited a primary school in 2013 he was heckled by a child pointing and shouting, “It’s the useless one!”; and he has spent many months now trying to convince his own ministers that, yes, he is their ‘leader’.

Mr. Clegg apologising for “mistakes they

Jonah Walker looks forward a year

have made” has further confused people, because making ‘mistakes’ would imply that the Liberals have done something in the first place during their time in office.

The Tories too have not created a great image. The ‘pleb-gate’ row did for the Conservatives what sea water did for the Fukushima Nuclear Power Plant,

“not leave anybody behind”, but this is difficult to believe from a man who left his daughter behind in pub in 2013.

The winter floods of 2013/14 further exacerbated this by making it painfully clear that the Tories were no sooner prepared for flooding than a Martian invasion, not least when TV coverage re-

“

They have made over 40 major U-turns. Including their U-turn on not making U-turns.

”

and, despite what Mr. Cameron might claim about them providing reliable governance, they have made over 40 major U-turns. Including their U-turn on not making U-turns. He has also promised that his Home Secretary’s policies will

counted the repeated efforts of the people of Somerset to push Environment Secretary Owen Paterson into the flood water, allegedly to test for witchcraft.

And statements such as “Money is no object” suggest that either Mr. Cameron

has no conception of gold, or how much is left in his piggy bank.

Equally, Labour has spent the last years roaming in the realms of fantasy and make-believe, or the shadow cabinet as we know it. The party had difficulty in finding its feet under David Miliband. Sorry, I mean Ed Miliband. The fraternal ‘rivalry’ portrayed by the media between these two culminated when Edward was mistaken for his brother by Ed Balls, their own shadow Chancellor, in the Commons. This was not the only embarrassment faced by Mr. Balls, who in December last year had to sit through 45 minutes of heckling in the Commons when the Conservative austerity plans (which he had condemned in 2012) seemed to be working. It was a 45 minutes during which his face grew cerise faster than the BBC can appoint a new Director General.

With over 13 months of campaigning still to endure, it will be down to David Cameron, Nick Clegg and David - by which I mean Ed - Miliband to convince the UK people that these images are wrong.

8

THE MARTLET SUMMER ISSUE 2

Comment

Tony Benn: POLITICS

The last great politician?

Henry Wilkinson argues otherwise.

Tony Benn who died in March this year

W

hen you think of Tony Benn, do you think of the last, true left-wing politician who inspired so many, a gentleman of politics? Well I don’t. I think of a man who had no effect on politics and admired Chairman Mao (the man responsible for the deaths of millions).

After hearing Benn speak in December, I had a lot of admiration for him but after his death I decided to do a little more research. The wide-ranging obituaries don’t fit with some of the things I found. I think there is quite a popular view in the media that Benn was some major player in the political world but he really wasn’t: he was just an idealist. I think it best to say that I don’t hate Benn; I just hate the way the media and many others have portrayed him since his death.

When I heard Benn speak, he was speaking about the skepticism that people should have towards war especially in this modern world. I very much enjoyed the talk and agreed with everything that he said. However, it wasn’t just what he was speaking about that I enjoyed; it was

also the way he spoke. He was renowned for his great oratory skills and I was lucky enough to experience them first hand.

Benn, of course, was not short of views on many things even though he didn’t get many of them into law. In my opinion, he should be respected for his views on war and the skepticism people should face it with. He believed that negotiation should always come first but

than a realist and he was one of the main reasons that Labour did not have power for a generation. He helped to define a Labour party whose weakness was one of the main reasons for Thatcher being able to establish her long ‘reign’ of Britain.

Benn couldn’t even gain the deputy leadership of the party so why remember him as a great politician? Thatcher

“ ”

While he might have been a great orator, he was not so good at politics. he was also not a naive traditionalist: he was very much progressive and needs to be admired for his outspoken views on equality for homosexuals.

While he might have been a great orator, he was not so good at politics. As the title suggests, Benn was an idealist rather

held office for over ten years and she seems to be much more widely criticised.

Many say that Benn should be admired and remembered because he stuck by his beliefs and his passion for them. Really?

Yes, admire him as a thinker, but what makes him a great politician? I mean, to

top it all off, he supported Ed Miliband!

He believed that the current Labour leader could gain power. Surely that is idealism taken too far. Madness!

As much as Benn is portrayed as the affable figure with a cup of tea and pipe, it didn’t always reflect his views. In one of his many diaries, Benn once remarked “In my opinion, [Chairman Mao] will undoubtedly be regarded as one of the greatest – if not the greatest – figures of the 20th century.” Should we really be remembering him as the gentleman of politics with views like that? To be fair to Benn, he never explicitly condoned the violence that Mao induced, but the audacity of this statement does not fit with the popular perception of the late politician.

So what am I saying here? Well, first of all, I’m not criticising Benn at all, that’s another debate. What I am doing is very much criticising the popular and general opinion of Benn as a great politician, something which I don’t agree with.

Therefore, if you are to eulogise Benn do it for the right reasons — not for what he achieved in politics: That was minimal.

9

THE MARTLET SUMMER ISSUE 2

Comment

Brick by brick some of the poorest countries try to rebuild

Millions still walk miles every day only to find dirty water

Are we solving world poverty?

WORLD ISSUES

Aidan Steer investigates one of the most pressing issues of the 21st century.

“N

ever in history have the living conditions and prospects of so many people changed so dramatically and so fast”.

The new U.N. 2013 Human Development Report shows a dramatic decline in global poverty since 1990. According to the report, the number of people living in extreme poverty fell from 43.1% in 1990, to 22.4% in 2008. Perhaps vital to this is the combination of continued long-term investment in education healthcare and social services (like the police force), and increased trade between nations. This helps to stimulate economic growth and break the poverty cycle, which many people of the world are still enslaved in.

As a result, those who are living on less than $1.25 per day have declined for the first time in every developing region, despite economists’ predictions that the global financial crisis would have a particularly devastating effect on the poor.

The report signals the completion of one of the Millenium Development Goals to cut extreme poverty by half. This is a huge accomplishment, as it was not expected to be achieved until 2015.

A great deal of this success has been due to the emergence of the Recently Industrialized Countries (Brazil, Russia, India, China). China in particular, has invested in large-scale infrastructure for increased industrialization which grows at 12.6% per year, and has made great progress as a result. Their service sector is growing rapidly and the government is

Does every little bit really make a difference?

1980s to 14% in 2008.

Despite this growth, Sub-Saharan Africa is the only region in the world for which the number of poor individuals has increased at a constant rate between 1981 and 2010. There are more than double the amount of extremely poor people in this region (414 million) than there were three decades ago (205 million).

“ ”

There is no reason why the issue of poverty can’t be solved. working hard to improve literacy rates with a greater focus on the education system. As a result, 660 million people have escaped poverty since 1981. This has contributed significantly to poverty reduction in East Asia, which has seen the percentage of people living on less that $1.25 a day drop from 77% in the

Subsequently, the percentage of people languishing in severe poverty in Sub-Saharan Africa represents a third of the entire world – a distinct rise from 11% in 1981.

Perhaps a major factor for this is the type and amount of Aid sent to Africa.

The idea that large donations can solve

poverty has provided the basis for improving economic development in poorer nations and the thinking in many international aid agencies and governments since the 1950s. However, a consistent supply of aid to a country can create a dependency in lesser developed nations.

Multi-lateral aid helps a country develop long term through regular investment in public services providing a better standard of living. However, some types of aid may not always be beneficial to the recipient country as it is often dictated to suit the needs of the lender, blocking incentives and opportunities for the poor.

Short-term projects in particular aren’t effective in addressing development issues. This is why it is much better for neutral institutions to provide aid rather than interest seeking governments.

Although great strides are being taken to reduce poverty around the globe, natural disasters, climate change and the global financial crisis all threaten the progress achieved so far. But, if we concentrate on helping those people who are poorest and most vulnerable, there is no reason why the issue of poverty can’t be solved. There is hope for the future.

10

THE MARTLET SUMMER ISSUE 2

Feature

Benefits for benefits?

TELEVISION

Blake Jones reviews the pros and cons of benefits using the show Benefits Street for examples.

CURRENTLY TRENDING #BenefitStreet If you cannot afford to have children, don’t expect others to fund you having them #BenefitStreet White Dee for MP #BenefitStreet Benefits are great for those in need of help. It should never be a way of life, though! #BenefitStreet

It has been reported that 90% of the residents of James Turner Street claim benefits

B

ritain was great, and then we introduced benefits, or so many think. Many in Britain, specifically the older members, hate benefits and will go for the ‘obvious’ or ‘easy’ argument. This is an understandable idea which we should not scorn people for: why should I work when my money goes to pay others for doing nothing?

On the face of it they may be right but the issue is much deeper than that. Many of us did not truly understand what those on benefits were going through until ‘Benefits Street’ arrived. The show shed light on the lives of those on benefits, and then social media sparked a debate: #BenefitStreet which quickly started trending. In reality, the truth needs to be sieved from the cynical propaganda.

It is often argued that benefits could be cut. The fact is, when it comes to council tax, only a small fraction of the budget is spent on benefits: just 0.7%.

This has little effect on the rest of the UK since such a small amount is taken.

When one considers the amount which is taken from each person who pays taxes and then the amount that it helps each person who receives it, the tax seems worth it. In the show, when the benefits were reduced for some residents, it hit them hard and they struggled to cope.

One resident, ‘black Dee’, did not have enough money for her accommodation and others had to steal to get by.

Many argue that the main issue with benefits is that it takes away the incentive to work. Benefit Street seemed to demonstrate this: if a resident there tried to get a job as, for example, a cleaner they would lose their benefits. This resulted in them having less money each month considering expenses and perhaps having their children looked after, and on top of this they would have to do the work. If people’s lives become harder when they

work, then they have no reason to try and will live off benefits instead. This is shown by ‘the 50p man’: unlike many residents, he did want to spend time working, but wouldn’t want to if his benefits got taken away. So he works every day selling people ordinary household items for 50p; he makes little from this but it is better than having a real job and no benefits. The issue is not in him cheating the system, the flaw is in the fact that the system makes this reasonable. Perhaps the answer is to raise the minimum wage to encourage people to work.

In Benefits Street, the mother-hen resident ‘white Dee’ has two children who live with her and are being raised by the benefits system. Their mother, her friends and their neighbours are on benefits and that is all they know. The children will be brought up thinking that adulthood is spending all day on the sofa, watching TV and smoking. If this is normal for them, they will not worry to do anything else. This is dangerous. If people are raised thinking that others will work to pay the tax that generates their benefits, when they come to a working age it is likely they will just think, ‘Why bother?’ There is no point thinking badly of them thinking that, since this is what they know. Therefore, the main worry about benefits is that they will create more people who live on benefits. Children just continuing the ‘family business’. On Benefits Street, despite all of this, ‘white Dee’s’ daughter is trying to become a fitness instructor and has done work experience for this. Will the entire street’s children be as ambitious?

One by-product of benefits is that they help to cut crime. In the show, Fungi, an alcoholic and drug addict, had his benefits reduced and had to find ways to make money to get supplies. This involved stealing hotel lobby magazines

Deirdre Kelly, AKA ‘White Dee‘, pictured above with her daughter Caitlin, 16 and selling them, and shoplifting with Danny, his friend with an ASBO who had recently returned from jail. Though his drug addiction was the main problem, if he had not had his benefits cut he would not have resorted to crime to get drugs and drinks. An addiction does not end if you can no longer fund it. If you cut benefits, Fungi and others may turn to methods against the law to make up for what is cut. So perhaps benefits are understandable if they prevent theft.

Most importantly, some people genuinely need help. There are those who are physically unable to work, and to not help with that is morally wrong. Also, there are those who genuinely cannot find work and are looking for a job, and they deserve benefits. But along with all deservers, there are those who do not deserve them. I once knew someone who was on benefits, and as a result of his behaviour, I have some bad views on them. After some time on benefits, he got a good job at a restaurant, but, after a month, he gave it up and stopped turning up. He clearly did not deserve benefits,

since he was physically able to work and had a job, but chose instead to not work.

So, how do we separate the deserving from the spongers? We cannot. If the main purpose is to help those who are in need of benefits, a system to prevent spongers but stops disadvantaged people slipping through is almost impossible to implement.

So we have to make the system the best it can be. There may be some ‘white Dee’ types, who use benefits to fund their TVs and cigarettes, and they may be paid for nothing. However, what matters is helping those in need and we created the system for this reason. We can only hope that shows like Benefits Street, show those who unfairly take benefits how they are acting and encourages them to get a job. Though Benefits Street showed a fraction of those on benefits and arguably unfairly selected these examples, it was honest about them. The people projected onto our screens were real, and those are the decisions they have made; as wrong as they may be, we should not give up on benefits.

11

THE MARTLET SUMMER ISSUE 2

Feature

Flexible, transparent screens are just one of the possibilities Graphene could lead to

Russian science: Discover something amazing, make Vodka

E

very year science makes massive breakthroughs in technology. I’ve picked breakthroughs I think have unbelievable potential to commemorate the achievements of this year.

Although every year there are hundreds of new discoveries around the world relating to chemistry, I think the most significant, purely because of its enormous potential, is the Nobel Prize winner: graphene.

Simply put, graphene is just a layer of graphite that is one atom thick. Discovered by two Russian scientists at university while they pulled apart a graphite lead of a pencil with sellotape. This was a complete accident as no one had ever even dreamt of creating such a ‘thing’.

Now, you might be thinking, this sounds like something a baby could do, and yes, you’d probably be right. In fact, if someone said pulling apart a pencil with sellotape could change the face of technology in our world then you’d probably laugh at them. But, graphene has the most potential of anything discovered over the last ten years. ‘Its potential is huge’ — according to Mr Border, my Chemistry teacher.

Graphene is superconductive which means electricity passes over it very quickly. It is also extremely thin and small as it is one atom thick. This means you could have a circuit board for a phone made out of a one atom thick layer of graphene. This is allowing technologies such as flexible screens, invisible screens and the like. It could mean that your phone could fold up in your pocket

When will we be able to eradicate AIDS?

A human brain, grown in a petri dish — Who? What? When? Why? How?

Science wins, nearly!

SCIENCE

George Jeffreys surveys the latest attempts to push back the boundaries of scientific discovery.

or be completely invisible.

Despite all this potential though, the first thing the Russians did with it was distil vodka. Why? ‘Just for a laugh’ according to the Russians. And this isn’t just any vodka, this is Super Vodka. A vodka which is 90% alcohol and extremely pure. Well, what else would Russians do with technology? Other than amassing troops on other people’s borders...

The second ‘breakthrough’, as I call it, is in Biology. Biologists in a lab in Austria have managed to ‘grow’ a mini organ that happens to be a human brain – a mini human brain grown in a lab. Slightly unnerving to me, I must say. The brain

cannot think for itself but hopes are that neurological diseases can be investigated using these pea-sized ‘brains’. And yes their plan is to grow brains, infect them and then see what they can ‘learn’.

Now, many people would read that and think ‘this can’t happen’ as it sounds like some sort of rights violation to grow a human organ to experiment with.

However, Austrian officials don’t seem to mind and neither does anyone else. Work will be going ahead with the hope of bettering the greater good by finding a cure to brain diseases. Maybe you’ll even be able to have a replacement brain one day.

Although the brain is the most com-

“ ”

The prevention of HIV is a great breakthrough in the medical world.

plicated organ, scientists at Institute of Molecular Biotechnology of the Austrian Academy of Sciences have now reproduced some of the earliest stages of the organ’s development in the laboratory.

If that organ can be tricked into thinking it is growing normally, a well developed brain could be ‘grown’. You might be thinking, ‘that’s not a major breakthrough’ and no, it probably isn’t. However, I think for scientists to be at a stage where they can effectively grow the most complicated human organ is unbelievable and could lead to many a discovery.

If it doesn’t then there’s still one man in the world who can say ‘I made a brain’ and maybe that’s worth it all.

And finally, HIV. After 3 days of life, a baby in America was found to be HIV positive. HIV, leading to AIDS, is one of the most problematic diseases the world faces currently. AIDS is still uncurable and is a deadly disease to have. However, hope has been sparked when a baby may have been cured of HIV and thus AIDS. After being given three antiretroviral drugs the baby seems to be completely cured of HIV three years later. Following this success, a second baby was also cured by similar treatment. Doctors around the world are trying to replicate the treatment to cure more HIV positive babies. If this is possible for every baby and even adults who are HIV positive then effectively AIDS can be wiped off the face of the earth. Although not a direct cure for aids, the prevention of HIV is a great breakthrough in the medical world and is causing much excitement.

The question is though: is it enough?

12

THE MARTLET SUMMER ISSUE 2

School

‘Useless middlemen’ or ‘vox populi’?

SCHOOL ISSUES

Is the School Council worth it?

D

Nick Harris argues that the School Council is a waste of time.

uring the run-up to the recent School Council elections, I found myself wondering if there was any point in it. The School Council is there to take ideas from the school community, and then to bring them to the attention of those in authority. Many people I know spoke of running for School Council ‘for the tie’ and as a joke, which perhaps is not the perception the school want us to have of the Council. What has given people this perception?

Firstly, we have to look at what the School Council has ‘achieved’, if you can say that, and for this we refer to the email sent with the link to the voting page. I am sure that all Abingdon pupils are delighted to know that we now have ‘more recycling bins around the school’, ‘an annual food survey’ and last, but certainly not least, ‘house singing rules have been standardised’. I, along with others I’m sure, was overjoyed to hear of these vast improvements. Really though, I would not have noticed one bit if none of these things were changed. The problem that this presents, therefore, is that the School Council is no longer a vehicle for the beliefs of the people as it was once meant to be.

The problem is certainly not that people do not suggest changes and modifications to the School Council. In fact, the one thing suggested, quite some time ago now, that was desired the most was school Wi-Fi. This was the one thing that people really wanted throughout the school and would have given the School Council something valuable to work on. But of course, although it is their job to argue our ideas for us, the Council failed in this regard. When asking recently re-elected School Councillor

Edward Turner-Fussell on this very topic, he told me that people ‘expect too much of the School Council’. Although I agree that having universal Wi-Fi throughout the school was a big ask, is that not the point of the school council: To fight for what we want and not to give up on it!

The School Council could be considered unnecessary ‘middlemen’. Consider how it works: pupil has good idea, the idea is taken by the School Council and then presented to those in authority. The idea is acted upon (or not).

Seeing it this way shows us that we do not need the School Council. The idea from the pupil should not have to be passed through a glorified emissary before reaching those who can use it. If we removed the School Council, we would, in effect, have this system: pupil has good idea, the idea is acted upon (or not). As anyone can see, the above process still works without break or flaw and gets the relevant information, enquiry or suggestion to those who can actually do something about it a lot quicker. It is more anonymous and does not share the risk that someone else (the School Council) will attempt to change the idea or morph it in any way. To this end, perhaps the School Council should be replaced by an email through drop-box or some such thing. Maybe the School Council is just the best that we can do but I think that there must be a better way of getting across pupils’ ideas.

Removing the School Council also gets rid of the problem of the elections: namely that people are upset when not elected and others thinking that they are God when they are.

“ ”

The School Council could be considered unnecessary ‘middlemen‘.

‘T

James Beazley fights the School Council’s corner.

he school council is no longer a vehicle for the beliefs of the people.’

Poetic, artistic, elegant but fallacious. To continue with this metaphor, we are of course still a ‘vehicle’ for the beliefs of the people. We are, however, a relatively new vehicle, a vehicle which, like all vehicles, will hit barriers, stops and lights. But we are a vehicle that is not deterred by these barriers, not worried by these stops, never fearing this light will not turn green. We are the iQ of the vehicle world — innovative and crucial to development, yet misunderstood. We have not had the time to become the i3 yet but we will. Your ‘beliefs’, if you call them that, are getting through, your ideas are progressing, the voice of the people is being, and will always be, heard and this is shown in what we have brought to the school in the relatively short time we have existed.

Truth be told, what have we ‘achieved’? (if we can call really it that). Admittedly, we haven’t prevented the crisis the Syria, nor have we ended world hunger. All we can show for our sorry-selves is a new cafe next year, the prospect of afternoon teas, a whole new plethora of ties, an overhaul of the school’s lavatories and more gym openings than ever. However, I assume, due to the complete and utter absence of any Wi-Fi within a ten mile radius, no-one received the emails. On which note I ask - why on earth do we need a school Wi-Fi Surely anything we need to look up we can do on the school’s computers? Anything else: saucy Snapchats, Instagram, and the like, we can do out of school or, if just too damn popular, out of lessons using the mobile network. If we had a school internet for mobiles we would have to log on to the thing. Every activity, every password, every cheeky sext (well Whatsapp) would go straight to the school servers - which are, might I add, notoriously insecure. Just imagine those burglars, who was in fact Father Christmas but that’s beside the point, having all your Snapchats, all your Facebook,

all your Twitter? Is school Wi-Fi really what you most desire? We must not play the Texas Sharp Shooter. I urge you to look at the bigger picture and realise that change takes time and thought and thank God it does, otherwise we would rush into things we haven’t thought through.

If we choose to play ad hominem, if we wish to disrespect the councillors, then we will get nowhere. We do not sit through hours of meetings ‘for the tie’ or as a ‘joke’, hilarious as it may be. We sit through meetings because we care. We take time to hear you and relay what you say, unbiased, unchanged and certainly not morphed; and we strive to get you all what you desire. That is our function and it goes someway to showing our purpose. We are alone in having a council—Neither Eton, Radley, nor Magdalen have one. As well as relaying your opinions to the Head, we represent a concept, an idea, a notion, however romantic it may be, that the Head cares what we think. She was, after all, the one who suggested we form one. The Council’s effect on the school, no matter how small some may, erroneously, presume, is evidence that we, unlike so many others, have a say in how our school is run. Some may laugh, some may mock, but I, for one, will not ridicule this school’s open display of caring for its students.

I am secretary to the School Council and I do not believe I am God. Instead, I believe in something far more tangible - the council is students choosing students to represent students and I believe that is worth something. We must walk before we can run, of course, but we are getting faster, and faster, and faster.

No matter what criticism we get; no matter who doesn’t believe in us; no matter how many articles are written labelling us pointless, we will not be silenced. We are a symbol, an ideal, more than just students. We are the voice of the people and we are getting louder and louder and louder.

“ ”

We sit through meetings because we care.

13

THE MARTLET SUMMER ISSUE 2

School

The bails are off…

INTERVIEW

Toby Jupp speaks to Abingdon’s outgoing Director of Cricket & Football, Damien Shirazi.

Left: Mr Shirazi hits one for six! Or maybe he gets caught out...

Below: Mr Shirazi in all his undeniable glory.

Damian Shirazi takes time to answer the Martlet’s questions, reflecting on his time at Abingdon and telling you about his plans for the future.

How long have you been at Abingdon?

I started at Abingdon in 2008 so I’m currently in my sixth academic year. I came here following my PGCE at Portsmouth Grammar School and can’t believe how quickly it has passed.

When did you first take up coaching? And why?

I’ve been a coach since I was 16, having come from a family of football, cricket, netball and athletics coaches so I guess its in my blood. I actually prefer it to playing. Teaching came a bit later when, having tried sports administration following my cricket career, I decided it wasn’t for me. It was without doubt the best decision I have ever made.

Can you tell us a little about the school you will be joining next year?

I will be joining Dulwich College in South London. Like Abingdon, it’s an all-boys, mainly day, school and from a sporting perspective, it has a long tradition in both Cricket and Rugby. It’s also where Mr Ghosh and Mr Price went as boys.

What were your initial aims when you

joined the school, and do you think you have achieved them?

When I first joined the school, the goals were very clear. They were to raise the profile of the Cricket Club; improving participation and the level of schools we play against. Whilst I am sure the boys, parents and staff will have their own opinions on this, I am confident that the cricket season is now integral to Abingdon sport and nationally we are well known at the top table of school cricket.

I, of course, think the boys and staff must take most of the credit for this.

Football or Cricket?

This is a tough question, but in an independent school setting, there is nothing quite like the excitement ahead of a full block cricket fixture on a warm summer’s day. There’s something quintessentially English about it and the way the game flows makes it nudge ahead as my favourite game.

Which teachers have helped you the most in your time at Abingdon?

There have been so many that have helped my career a great deal. Dr Burnand has been a big part in helping me move from ‘coach’ to ‘school master’ and I also owe a great deal to Mr Wickes (our Deputy Head Pastoral who left last summer), whose advice helped me tremendously in the early years.

What have you enjoyed most about your time at Abingdon?

For me, it’s clearly the great support and trust the boys have given me. I thoroughly enjoy coaching and teaching Abingdon boys who never fail to impress me with their intelligence, focus and talent. Despite not possessing the facilities of many other schools, we continue to punch above our weight on the sports field. It goes without saying that the boys have taught me so much.

ten becomes even more apparent as you spend more time with the boys.

What do you consider to be your greatest accomplishment at Abingdon?

This is hard to pin-point but I think reaching the HMC Lords finals the day after, ironically, beating my new school (Dulwich) in a national semi-final. We were relatively unknown as a cricket school at that stage and beating the pre-tournament favourites and playing at the Home of Cricket will always stay with me. Apart from that, I’m proud to say that my Cricket First XI’s, with the tremendous help of my trusty assistant Dr Burnand, have won 73% of games in my time here and have never fallen out of Wisden’s top 15 schools.

Do you think we will ever see you back here?

I think it’s important I give the new Heads of Cricket and Football plenty of space to put in place his new ideas and thoughts but I do hope I can pop back from time to time. The real question, I guess, is whether you’d have me back?!!!

What do you think you will miss most?

Why? I will of course miss the many great friends I’ve made in the Common Room but for me it will be the Abingdon boys that I will miss the most. You only fully realise how impressive and well-mannered Abingdon boys actually are when you visit other schools. On the many tours I’ve been on at Abingdon this of-

What are the targets for your final season as director of cricket at Abingdon?

As a club as a whole, it will be to break the 70% win ratio for the first time. Also, I firmly believe the First XI can win either the HMC National T20 or Schools’ Sport U17 Trophy this summer.

What advice would you give to any budding sportsmen?

There are two things that I’ve always told my teams over the years: firstly, to exaggerate the details in your practice and training, and therefore do the basics brilliantly. The other is to take the positive option when you’re nervous, hesitant, or under pressure. More often than not this will serve you well.

We, of course, thank Damian Shirazi for his enthusiasm and unrivalled commitment to Abingdon School sport and wish him the very best in the future You can follow his last season, and Abingdon Cricket as a whole, on twitter, at @ cricketabingdon

14

THE MARTLET SUMMER ISSUE 2

Culture

Film review: The Hobbit film trilogy FILM

Nick Harris ponders on the quality of the recent and upcoming Hobbit films.

Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug is the second in the trilogy of the Hobbit films

D

espite the fact that critics praised it, I hated the Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug. I think the main reason that I, and other people I know, disagree with these esteemed film critics is that it was acting more as a prequel to Lord of the Rings than a Hobbit film. The film was dramatically too long and I can recall sitting in the cinema at the moment when Bilbo and the dwarves get into the mountain, checking my watch, and realising that there was another hour left. ‘How can they keep this going for so long?’ I asked myself. The answer is through an extended ‘banter’ sequence between Bilbo and Smaug (although I have to say this was one of the better scenes of the film), a stupid action sequence involving Gandalf, and another stupid action sequence between the dwarves and Smaug. In this particular sequence, they get some gold from somewhere, melt it using furnaces which have supposedly been out of operation for sixty years and construct a statue with it which then finally melts all over Smaug for no reason. This didn’t make sense to me one bit.

The first film was much better in comparison. Although there were nu-

merous references to the Lord of the Rings trilogy, it was truer to the spirit of the Hobbit book (remember that thing that these films are supposed to be based on?). The second instalment of the series spent a third of its running time talking about the undead Sauron and his return to power. The Hobbit is about a Bilbo on

Magazine described it, and this is exactly right. It was a Lord of the Rings film. Instead of a film the true fans wanted, we received a whole load of scenes designed to cater towards Lord of the Rings fans who are happy as long as they can vaguely understand the story and if they see enough pointless battle sequences. But

“

Despite my dislike for the middle chapter of this trilogy, it can be saved.

”

a quest to a mountain with his companions. Yes, Gandalf does disappear every now and then to investigate a ‘necromancer’, but this is never explained in the book, which is a purposeful decision as the story is about Bilbo. ‘Close to the grandeur of Jackson’s Lord of the Rings films’ is how Richard Corliss of Time

enough ranting about the past film, let’s talk about the next.

Despite my dislike for the middle chapter of this trilogy, it can be saved.

Fortunately, for the majority, there is already a large battle written into this part of the story. This is the Battle of Five Armies, and so as not to spoil anything

for those who have not read the book, all I will say is that it is going to be fantastic if executed well. Another plus for the average Lord of the Rings fan is that because of the Desolation of Smaug’s stupid cut off ending, we will get to have yet another action piece at the start where Smaug attacks Lake Town. This will obviously include lots of dragon fire and will be thrilling for everyone I am sure. But for Tolkien fans, I think the only thing that this film has to do to be good is not to be bad. In other words, less Sauron story, a shorter length, closer to original story, and more about Bilbo. Although this seems tough, I think it’s a simple thing to fix. (Yet I have a feeling it won’t be: I said it can be saved, not that it would be.) Because of the box office and critical successes of Desolation, Peter Jackson will do his absolute best to do it again. So, more Sauron story, similar length, burning the original story in the living room fire and keeping Bilbo as pretty much a spectator character compared to people like Thorin (a smaller version of Aragorn). This saddens me, but I will still go and see it, and I guess that this was all the film companies aim for.

After all, it is a business.

15

THE MARTLET SUMMER ISSUE 2

Culture

The locals’ Lonely Planet TRAVEL

Blake Jones interviews Abingdon’s pupils who know best about some brilliant tourist cities: their home towns of Hong Kong, Moscow and Vienna.

Vienna, alive at night, running on alcohol.

W

hen we visit somewhere new, we know very little about that place and most of what we do is likely to be from a book, designed to give the most generic tourist trip possible. Now, I intend to try to change that for three places. Here at Abingdon, we have many overseas pupils from a wide variety of countries, who can give us a guide which shows the true nature of each city and provides knowledge of what truly is best to do there. This edition, we look into Hong Kong, Moscow and Vienna with help from their locals.

With help from Ethan Lo, I will look at Hong Kong. In Hong Kong, if one was to spend a day there, one should first go to the central district to shop, it is filled with malls and is a fantastic place to shop whilst on holiday. Then one should go to a real Chinese restaurant for dim sum (dumplings). It will definitely be a genuine Chinese restaurant if it is very noisy! There are also road side shops which sell soup, noodles, dumplings and fish balls. One could then go to the Peak, on the steepest tram in the world, at 48 degrees, and enjoy the evening up there with incredible night time views. Whilst in Hong Kong, you can also enjoy brilliant Chinese culture, such as traditional Chinese theatre and opera.

It is best to go for about and a week but do not go in the summer since it is too hot. Instead try early October, when

No this isn’t Disneyland, it’s Red Square the factories are closed. It can work well to go as a family since there is something for everyone, including the aquarium, or Disneyland. Overall, Hong Kong should be world famous for its food since there is such a great range of it there.

Assisted by Stepan Kovanov, I will now go on to Moscow, Russia. Moscow is incredible for tourists since it has many historical landmarks. If one were to spend a day there, one should visit the Kremlin, a castle where most of the

enna, a city closer to the UK. Vienna is quite simply a lively and liberal city, as shown by what goes on there.The five fundamental elements of Vienna are food, music, art, museums and drinking.

If it was your first day there, you should spend it touring the old city, a splendid historic setting. Vienna has one of the highest densities of museums, so be prepared to frequently be in and out of museums for much of your time if that is what you like. The best are its appeal-

“

Five fundamental elements of Vienna are food, music, art, museums and drinking.

”

Russian Government is based; the Red Square, a huge and historical city square and some of the many museums in Moscow. There is also a great wealth of culture in Russia, from world famous ballet to beautiful opera, at the Bolshoi theatre in particular. An important, authentic dish to try in Russia is stuffed pancakes.

It is advised to spend a week in Moscow.

Whilst there make sure you stay safe and, I quote from Stepan, ‘be careful at night’.

Finally with Sam Farrar I look at Vi-

ing-to-all art museums, particularly the Belvedere which features much of Gustav Klimt’s work.

There are many other attractions, especially the food and drink markets in winter. Food and definitely drink are very important when in Vienna; a non-alcoholic drink will not survive and will not be popular! In Vienna it is all about drinking, as shown by the Oktoberfest, the only time when you can see the Austrians being ‘truly Austrian’, not only

because they wear the national hat, but also because they can get as drunk as they want. The drinking age is 16 there, or at least in public it is, since children as young as five will drink at home.

Besides the alcohol, Vienna has world class food, the ‘S-S’, Schnitzel and Strudel. I had the schnitzel described to me as ‘Heaven, fried and served with oil, fat, ketchup, butter and potatoes’, then there is the strudel which was described to me as ‘the forbidden fruit which Adam and Eve ate, garnished in a metric ton of cinnamon and sugar and covered in flaky pastry. If you go to Vienna and do not try these, you have missed out on about 90% of the city.’ Also, for something really Austrian and traditional, go to a coffee shop - not Starbucks or Costa - but a genuine Austrian shop, for the best coffee.

As I mentioned earlier, Austria is very liberal, so it is best to go with friends instead of family. For example, one day during the Oktoberfest, Sam was walking up some stairs with his family and there was a yellow liquid coming down them. Someone called out ‘family coming through, hold your wee,’ and for a few moments the yellow flow stopped: is this really what you want to do with your family? It is also best to go for one or two weeks, since it can get a bit a repetitive if you stay for too long. Vienna is a very exciting place to go to and may even, in the future, became the new Ibiza, so try it out now.

16

THE MARTLET SUMMER ISSUE 2

Sport

How the Ashes turned to dust in England’s hands CRICKET

Aidan Steer explains how the three lions relinquished their grasp on the urn after a humiliating series down under.

Left: The Aussies, elated at their triumph over England Below: Australia’s Ryan Harris celebrates taking the wicket of England’s Alastair Cook during day five of the Ashes test match

A

nightmare that became a reality. What a difference a couple of months makes. After easing past Australia in the summer, England arrived on Aussie shores labelled favourites and confident of retaining the Ashes.

Instead, they were ruthlessly dismantled and humiliated by a rejuvenated Australian team, failing to get close to victory in any of the 5 Test Matches as pace bowler Mitchell Johnson’s express speed and Brad Haddin’s resilient batting exposed a multitude of deficiencies.

What proved to be the final day of the series was typical of England’s feeble display as they were bowled out for 166 inside 35 overs, chasing an improbable 448 for victory. Australia completed the clean sweep with two days to spare.

All of England’s senior batsmen failed dismally and the middle order offered little resistance. This is underlined by the fact that not a single one managed to amass 300 runs on tour, when six Australians did so easily. The form of the captain Alistair Cook was particularly disappointing and the departure of Jonathan Trott, who had to leave the tour early

due to a stress related illness, didn’t help matters.

As bad as England were, Australia were exceptional. Perhaps less credited but highly influential was the shrewd field placement and clever all round captaincy from Michael Clarke. The graphic shows where the English batsmen were caught out in the first three Tests. You will notice England were caught out at different fine leg positions, which suggests Australia bowled short in an ef-

“ ”

the beleaguered English batsmen. Cunningly, he put long-on in place especially for Kevin Pietersen, who holed out to that position in his second innings at the WACA. It showed a lack of responsibility and awareness when his team needed him most.

A couple of other Australian players also stood out. Mitchell Johnson finished man of the series, taking 37 wickets at an average of 13.9: a seemingly forgotten son of Australian cricket was back to his best.

Additionally, Brad Haddin set the record for the most runs scored in a Test series batting at 7 or below.

He scored 493 runs at an average of 61. This meant he overtook an Aussie great – Adam Gilchrist.

The crowd played a huge part as well, they supported their team passionately and filled most of the grounds, creating a noisy atmosphere.

The Three Lions seemed to melt in this Aussie cauldron.

Under pressure and not fully prepared, the England ship sank again down under. England will have to look hard at themselves and try to find the right balance for the upcoming test series at home against Sri Lanka and India.

Not fully prepared, the England ship sank again down under. fort to get the batsmen out by playing a loose hook shot- one of Cook’s favorites.

Mitchell Johnson in particular bowled with aggression and used the short ball well, getting lots of pace and bounce. It made the batsmen uncomfortable and it was clear England were not used to such hostility on hard Aussie wickets. As a result, Clarke employed a short leg often, put men around the bat, and crowded the slip cordon to put even more pressure on

AUSTRALIA’S CATCHING POSITIONS

ASHES TEST RESULTS 1st Test: Australia won by 381 runs 2nd Test: Australia won by 218 runs 3rd Test: Australia won by 150 runs 4th Test: Australia won by 8 wickets 5th Test: Australia won by 281 runs

17

THE MARTLET SUMMER ISSUE 2

Sport

8 steps to make England’s test team great again CRICKET

Out with the old, in with the new: Toby Jupp tells us what England should do to fix their woes 1. Restore Joe Root to the top of the order.

Why Joe Root was put down the order to make way for Michael Carberry I’ll never know. It made no sense at the time and it doesn’t really make much sense now. For the Ashes in England, Root was moved up the order to partner Captain Cook, and the ECB were clearly looking forward. But instead of persevering with the partnership, the selectors felt under pressure to select the leading run scorer in county cricket. After all, what would be the point in having a county cricket system if you ignore it completely? Despite this, I would definitely restore Root to open with Alastair Cook.

2. Do not recall Jonathan Trott and Matt Prior.

In my opinion, recalling Prior would defeat the objective of dropping him in the first place. There are plenty of good young wicket-keepers, such as ODI and T20 keeper Jos Buttler, Jonny Bairstow of Yorkshire and Essex’s Ben Foakes. As for Trott, he left the tour of Australia because of stress-related illnesses, which is fair enough and I think it is good that he left the tour in order not to damage the team (not that it made any difference).

Trott could easily go through the same period of stress again and therefore cannot be relied upon.

3. Bring back Eoin Morgan.

Eoin Morgan should return to the test side he was dropped from in early 2012.

Since then he has been made captain of both the ODI and T20 sides in the absence of Stuart Broad and Cook. The Irishman has given up the chance to play in the IPL this year, instead trying to focus on returning to the test side. It is clear England have high hopes for him and his undoubted potential. With Kevin Pietersen and Jonathan Trott gone, it is now time for him to show his talent in the longest format of the game.

4. Start to mould James Anderson’s replacement.

England host Sri Lanka in the summer before the big series against India (the first non-Ashes series to consist of 5 tests). With respect to Sri Lanka, India are vastly superior and England should think about resting a couple of key names, in particular Jimmy Anderson.

Even though he looked immensely tired in the Ashes down under, I don’t think England have have lined up a long-term

replacement. The series against Sri Lanka should be used as an audition of potential candidates to pick up Anderson’s mantle. I would pick one out of Chris Jordan and Tymal Mills; the former possibly has the edge as he has played a handful of ODIs in the past 6 months. In my opinion, Mills has raw pace in the same way that Mitchell Johnson does, and he would get my vote. England don’t need to replace Anderson yet, but they must realise he won’t be around for much longer.

AUSTRALIA

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

BATTING AVG. BRAD HADDIN

61.62

MITCHELL JOHNSON

27.50

RYAN HARRIS

23.40

PETER SIDDLE

6.33

NATHAN LYON

-*

ENGLAND

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

BATTING AVG. STUART BROAD

19.37

MATT PRIOR

17.83

JAMES ANDERSON

8.20

GRAEME SWANN

7.23

Others

7.22

*Nathan Lyon has no average as he was not dismissed at all in the series.

5. Place trust in Ben Stokes.

Ben Stokes showed enough in his first test match series to prove that he is good enough to get into this England team as both a batsman and a bowler. He scored England’s only century with a tenacious 120 in the third test at Perth, as well as bowling figures of 6-99 in the final test at Sydney. He constantly looked a danger with the ball and clearly has great potential with the bat. Teams with genuine all-rounders always do well; South Africa’s recent all-conquering side included the likes of Jacques Kallis and JP Duminy, and the recent resurgence of Australia has centred around the likes of Shane Watson and Steve Smith, both of whom take wickets and score runs. The reason that teams with all-rounders do well is that they provide excellent balance to the team and England should feel confident in trusting Stokes as a genuine all-rounder (a role that Broad never really fulfilled), and they could have a replacement for Andrew Flintoff at last.

6. Play two spinners.

Ben Stokes is definitely good enough to become England’s third seamer alongside the experienced Anderson and Broad. That leaves space for England to use two spinners which would be a huge advantage to any side. Any side who can select two spinners without losing anything is bound to do well. One of these should be the promising leg-spinner Scott Borthwick, who is also very handy with the bat - he recently scored 99 in a game against a Sri Lankan side for the England Lions. The other one should be a left-arm spinner, to compliment Borthwick. The options are probably Lancashire duo Steve Parry and Simon Kerrigan along side experienced Essex bowler Monty Panesar. Having watched him play impressively in the recent ODIs v West Indies, I would go for Parry, especially as Kerrigan experienced a night-

Ben Stokes could be England’s next Flintoff. mare debut test, and Panesar looked ‘unthreatening’ in Australia.

7. Improve the batting quality of the tail.

An interesting statistic is that both sides in the Ashes averaged about 140-5 at some point in their innings, the main difference was in the tail and the vast contrast in contributions of the lower order. As the table shows, Australia’s third ranked Ryan Harris averaged more than England’s Broad and the Aussie keeper Haddin averaged almost four times more than England’s Prior. England need to address this and should start selecting bowlers who can bat as well. Australia’s one exception was Peter Siddle and he has since been dropped for James Pat-

tinson. Ruthless. Selecting the likes of Borthwick, Parry and Broad will definitely strengthen England’s tail significantly.

8. Don’t pick another Carberry, choose a long-term replacement for KP. England could easily turn to Trott to replace Kevin Pietersen but they would be much better served by choosing Yorkshire’s Zimbabwean-born Gary Ballance or even Worcestershire’s all-rounder Moeen Ali. Ballance looked quite impressive in the final test and is the obvious choice for me. Moeen Ali will eventually replace Ian Bell, but needs to play more first-class cricket before he can be selected for the test side.

18

THE MARTLET SUMMER ISSUE 2

Sport

Who will win

FOOTBALL

Toby Jupp investigates the leading contenders from each group

BRAZIL (Group A) Manager: Luiz Felipe Scolari Captain: Thiago Silva (PSG) FIFA Ranking: 9 2010 Performance: Quarter Finals Sky Bet odds to win tournament: 3/1 (fav) Last Major Tournament Won: 2013 Confederations Cup Key Man: Neymar (Barcelona) Predicted XI: Júlio César; Dani Alves, Thiago Silva, David Luiz, Marcelo; Paulinho, Fernandinho;Willian, Oscar, Neymar; Fred.

Group Fixtures: Croatia (Sao Paulo, 12 June), Mexico (Fortaleza, 17 June) & Cameroon (Brasilia, 23 June)

SPAIN (Group B) Manager: Vicente del Bosque Captain: Iker Casillas (Real Madrid) FIFA Ranking: 1 2010 Performance: Winners Sky Bet odds to win tournament: 6/1 Last Major Tournament Won: Euro 2012 Key Man: Diego Costa (Atletico Madrid) Predicted XI: Casillas; Azpilicueta, Piqué, Ramos, Jordi Alba; Xavi, Busquets; Pedro, Fàbregas, Iniesta; Costa.

Group Fixtures: Netherlands (Salvador, 13 June), Chile (Rio de Janeiro, 18 June) & Australia (Curitiba, 23 June) Neymar: a great threat from Brazil

Costa shines through Spain’s strong team

On home soil, Brazil will want to triumph after disappointing performances in South Africa 2010 and Germany 2006 when they failed to get past the quarter finals. They will be desperate to make amends for those disappointments and lift the prestigious cup for the sixth time. The Selecao do have one of the best line-ups around and the likes of Neymar, Oscar and Thiago Silva can lead them to glory and send their adoring fans into raptures.

Many think that Spain have gone downhill since Euro 2012, myself included, but it would be foolish to think La Roja are not capable of winning the Cup as they did four years ago. The likes of Xavi and Casillas may be past their best but the likes of Fàbregas and Costa are coming into their prime while Iniesta and Pedro still have plenty to offer.

However, I feel the likes of Belgium and Argentina have made significant inroads into Spain’s advantage, while Germany and Brazil have arguably now surpassed these levels.

VERDICT: Semi-Finals (to win 3rd place play-off)

VERDICT: Quarter Finals

CÔTE D’IVOIRE (Group C) Manager: Sabri Lamouchi Captain: Didier Drogba (Galatasaray) FIFA Ranking: 17 2010 Performance: Group Stage Sky Bet odds to win tournament: 150/1 Last Major Tournament Won: 1992 African Cup of Nations Key Man: Yaya Touré (Manchester City) Predicted XI: Barry; Aurier, Bamba, Kolo Touré, Zokora; Kalou, Yaya Touré, Tioté, Gervinho; Drogba, Doumbia.

Group Fixtures: Japan (Recife, 14 June), Colombia (Brasilia, 19 June) & Greece (Fortaleza, 24 June)

FRANCE (Group E) Manager: Didier Deschamps Captain: Hugo Lloris (Spurs) FIFA Ranking: 19 2010 Performance: Group Stage Sky Bet odds to win tournament: 25/1 Last Major Tournament Won: Euro 2000 Key Man: Paul Pogba (Juventus) Predicted XI: Lloris; Debuchy, Varane, Koscielny, Evra; Valbuena, Cabaye, Matuidi, Pogba, Ribéry; Benzema.

Group Fixtures: Honduras (Porto Alegre, 15 June), Switzerland (Salvador, 20 June) & Ecuador (Rio de Janeiro, 25 June) Toure a star: When he’s actually playing

Pogba spends more time doing his hair than playing

The Elephants are in a remarkably even group, and it is feasible to see Japan, Colombia or Greece winning the group. However, it is the quality and experience provided by the Touré brothers and Didier Drogba that give Ivory Coast the edge. They have a very potent attack in the form of ex-Chelsea and Arsenal wide-men Kalou and Gervinho, as well as the exciting, and very, very quick, Seydou Doumbia.

Les Bleus have a point to prove after capitulating in South Africa 2010. They have a nice blend of experience and guile, in the shape of Valbuena and Ribery, combined with the energy and work-rate of starting midfield triumvirate Pogba, Cabaye and Matuidi. Their defence is also solid, with Koscielny and Evra both enjoying stellar seasons, while Real Madrid’s Karim Benzema appears to have finally found his form in the colours of Le Tricolore.

Verdict: Quarter Final

Verdict: Quarter Final

19

THE MARTLET SUMMER ISSUE 2

the World Cup? ENGLAND (Group D) Manager: Roy Hodgson Captain: Steven Gerrard (Liverpool) FIFA Ranking: 15 2010 Performance: Last 16 Sky Bet odds to win tournament: 28/1 Last Major Tournament Won: 1966 World Cup Key Man: Daniel Sturridge (Liverpool) Predicted XI: Hart; Johnson, Cahill, Jagielka, Baines; Sterling, Gerrard, Wilshere, Lallana; Rooney; Sturridge.

Group Fixtures: Italy (Manaus, 14 June), Uruguay, (Sao Paulo, 19 June) & Costa Rica (Belo Horizonte, 24 June) Sturridge shines for England

ARGENTINA (Group F) Manager: Alejandro Sabella Captain: Lionel Messi (Barcelona) FIFA Ranking: 3 2010 Performance: Quarter Finals Sky Bet odds to win tournament: 5/1 Last Major Tournament Won: 1993 Copa America Key Man: Lionel Messi (Barcelona) Predicted XI: Romero; Zabaleta, Fernández, Garay, Rojo; Mascherano, Gago, Di María; Messi, Agüero, Higuaín.

Group Fixtures: Bosnia & Herzegovina (Rio de Janeiro, 15 June), Iran (Belo Horizonte, 21 June) & Nigeria (Porto Alegre, 25 June)

Messi: The World’s greatest player

Expectations of England have not been so low before a major tournament for a long time and I think this will allow The Three Lions to express themselves. Hodgson should base the side on Liverpool and abandon his boring defensive tactics and allow the wide men Sterling and Lallana to influence the match. The defence is a huge concern as I do fear what could happen if England meet the more attack-minded teams, such as Brazil or Argentina but, come on, lets be optimistic!

There is nothing Brazil would hate more than for their big rivals to win the cup in their own backyard. For La Albiceleste, there would be nothing sweeter. I have branded them pantomime villains, as I do think they will spoil the party and lift the famous trophy come Rio on 13 July. This is because, in games of few goals, I fancy Argentina’s attacking quartet of Messi, Agüero, Higuaín and Di María to outscore any opponent. Argentina are bound to have lots of support and will be spurred on to spoil the carnival for Brazil.

Verdict: Quarter Final

Verdict: Champions

GERMANY (Group G) Manager: Joachim Löw Captain: Philipp Lahm (Bayern Munich) FIFA Ranking: 2 2010 Performance: Semi-Final Sky Bet odds to win tournament: 5/1 Last Major Tournament Won: Euro 1996 Key Man: Manuel Neuer (Bayern Munich) Predicted XI: Neuer; Großkreutz, Mertesacker, Boateng, Schmelzer; Kroos, Lahm; Müller, Özil, Reus; Götze.

Group Fixtures: Portugal (Salvador, 16 June), Ghana (Fortaleza, 21 June) & United States (Recife, 26 June)

BELGIUM (Group H) Manager: Marc Wilmots Captain: Vincent Kompany (Manchester City) FIFA Ranking: 11 2010 Performance: Did not qualify Sky Bet odds to win tournament: 16/1 Last Major Tournament Won: None Key Man: Eden Hazard (Chelsea) Predicted XI: Courtois; Alderweireld, Kompany, Vertonghen, Vermaelen; Dembélé, Fellaini; Mirallas, De Bruyne, Hazard; Lukaku.

Group Fixtures: Algeria (Belo Horizonte, 17 June), Russia (Rio de Janeiro, 22 June) & South Korea (Sao Paulo, 26 June)

Neuer will be key for Germany

Hazard: Belgium’s only hope?

Such is the strength of this German team, I could not find a place for Bayern’s Bastian Schweinsteiger, a man who has been one of the first names on the team sheet for so many years. The reason for this is because of Lahm’s seemingless transformation into a central midfield role and Kroos’ excellent form, so the Bayern duo should start in the middle. Die Mannschaft has a solid, in-form defence, with a lethal, youthful, potent attack and will definitely win trophies. I just feel 2014 may be too early for them but a trophy at Euro 2016 in France or the Russian World Cup in 2018 is most definitely on the cards.

The Red Devils’ largely Premier League-based line-up could surprise a lot of people.

They have strength in depth in almost every position, with the likes of Liverpool ‘keeper Mignolet, Napoli winger Mertens, Zenit maestro Witsel and Spurs’ Chadli not making the final XI. Despite this, the team relies heavily on Eden Hazard, and if he gets injured, their chances diminish rapidly. They are also weak at full-back with Atletico centre-back Alderweireld and Arsenal misfit Thomas Vermaelen (who actually played quite well at left-back against Bayern Munich) filling in.

Prediction: Runners Up

Verdict: Semi Finals

20

THE MARTLET SUMMER ISSUE 2

Sport

Premier League Oscars 2014 FOOTBALL

Sam Chambers and Toby Jupp discuss the talking points of the 2013/14 Barclays Premier League Award 1: Team of the Season David Marshall (Cardiff City), Seamus Coleman (Everton), Per Mertesacker (Arsenal), John Terry (Chelsea), Cesar Azpilicueta (Chelsea), Steven Gerrard (Liverpool), Jay Rodriguez (Southampton), Eden Hazard (Chelsea), Yaya Toure (Manchester City), Luis Suarez (Liverpool), Daniel Sturridge (Liverpool).

Subs: David De Gea (Manchester United), Pablo Zabaleta (Manchester City), Gary Cahill (Chelsea), Curtis Davies (Hull City), Luke Shaw (Southampton), Aaron Ramsey (Arsenal), Adam Lallana (Southampton), Ross Barkley (Everton), Raheem Sterling (Liverpool),, Wayne Rooney (Manchester United), Romelu Lukaku (Everton)( Chelsea (Everton).

Cardiff’s goalkeeper David Marshall lines up in goal, despite Cardiff’s poor defensive record; the tall stopper has been a rock at the back and kept Cardiff in games, often single handedly keeping teams from scoring, like the 0-0 draws versus Norwich or Everton, or the 1-0 win against rivals Swansea, all games they would have lost comfortably if not for the Scot’s heroics. The back four picked itself with all four of the selected enjoying stellar seasons. Curtis Davies has been one of the main contributing factor’s to Hull’s cup run and survival campaign and makes the reserves as well as Southampton’s Dejan Lovren. Southampton’s Jay Rodriguez just edged out Aaron Ramsey and team-mate Adam Lallana on the right side of our midfield diamond; Ramsey just didn’t play enough matches, and Rodriguez had a superior goalscoring record than Lallana; with the rest of our midfield being ‘no-brainers’.

The SAS partnership would spearhead our attack, with Sturridge just beating Manchester United’s £85 million man Wayne Rooney.

Award 2: Player of the season Winner: Luis Suarez (Liverpool) - it couldn’t be more obvious, Suarez tops the tables for both assists and goals and he missed the first six games of the season. His link up play with Daniel Sturridge has been telepathic and if Liverpool win the title is largely down to the performances of the Uruguayan.

Runner Up: Eden Hazard (Chelsea) -

Player of the Season: Luis Suarez

Most Improved Player: Aaron Ramsey

Hazard has built on his promising first season but in the end was some way off the eventual winner.

team goal, and the other to the best individual strike. For the best team goal, Jack Wilshere was the clear winner and his goal, unlike the rest was of the likes that are seen very, very rarely, if ever at all.

The best individual goal award went to Fulham’s Pajtim Kasami’s volley against Crystal Palace but could easily have gone to either Alex Tettey’s thunderbolt or Wayne Rooney’s 57-yard lob.

Award 3: Young Player of the Season Winner: Luke Shaw (Southampton) When you’re 18, been called up to the senior national squad and been linked to every big club in the country, you must be doing something right. But whether it is defensive solidarity or providing attacking width, he seems to have it all.

He should easily go to Brazil as cover for Leighton Baines and possibly even challenge the Evertonian.

Runner Up: Raheem Sterling (Liverpool) - At times Sterling has made an SSS at Liverpool and he could easily have taken the award if not for Shaw’s excellent season.

Award 4: Goal of the season Best team goal: Jack Wilshere (Arsenal v Norwich City - 19th October) Best individual goal: Pajtim Kasami (Fulham v Crystal Palace - 21st October) Special Mentions: Luis Suarez (Liverpool v Norwich City - 5th December) Tomas Rosicky (Arsenal v Sunderland - 22nd February) Alexander Tettey (Norwich City v Sunderland - 22nd March) Wayne Rooney (Manchester United v West Ham United - 22nd March) Jonjo Shelvey (Swansea City v Aston Villa - 26th April) Ross Barkley (Everton v Manchester City - 3rd May) This was such a competitive category, we have given two awards, one to the best

Award 5: Manager of the season Winner: Brendan Rodgers (Liverpool) - Rodgers was the clear winner, having transformed Liverpool from mediocre to title-challengers. I have also been impressed with his willingness to try young English talent, such as John Flanagan, Jordan Henderson and Raheem Sterling and also his shrewdness in the transfer market. The Northern Irishman has been able to secure talent like Daniel

Best signing: Alavro Negredo

Sturridge and Philippe Coutinho for very little money compared to their rivals, in particular Chelsea and Manchester United since Rodgers took over. The graphic shows the price paid of each major side’s first-choice midfield and attack. (Signings made since Rodgers has been at Liverpool in bold).

Runner Up: Tony Pulis (Crystal Palace) keeping Palace up was always going to be hard-bordering-on-impossible and keeping a club with such limited resources as Crystal Palace is some achievement, getting them in the top 10 is amazing. Steve Bruce (Hull City) - these two managers stand out for the way they have managed to produce results with limited resources. In particular, Tony Pulis because when he took over, Palace had three points from ten games and looked certain for relegation. Whether he keeps them

21

THE MARTLET SUMMER ISSUE 2

somehow taken a team that won the title at a canter, to a team that is scrapping around to take the final Europa League spot. Flop? We think so.

Biggest Transfer Flop: Erik Lamela up or not, Pulis deserves a lot of plaudits for the way he has tried to keep them up, and he has also managed to mastermind victories over Chelsea and Everton, turning the title race and Champions League battle on its head.

Award 6: Most Improved player of the season Winner: Aaron Ramsey (Arsenal) - no doubt at all. Last season he was the focal point of the blame for Arsenal’s poor performance and epitomised Arsene Wenger’s incredible, often damaging, loyalty. But that loyalty did pay off though and considering he has not played at full fitness since Boxing Day, eight goals is a good return for a central midfielder. He was the key cog in Arsenal’s midfield at the start of the season and there is no doubt that they’ve missed him since he got injured.

Runners Up: Jay Rodriguez/Adam Lallana/Ross Barkley/Seamus Coleman (Southampton/Everton) all players have made big improvements to their game.

Lallana has probably been the more influential player but Rodriguez has come a long way in the past year and there really was no separating them. Barkley has had a very impressive season. He is now a certainty to go to the World Cup and may even nail down a starting spot. He can play as a playmaker or a box-to-box midfielder and has demonstrated many promising attributes from driving runs to speculative finishing. He is clearly one of the best young talents in the country and, with no disrespect to Everton, is destined for greater things, along with clubmate Seamus Coleman; who also gets a runner up award in such a competitive group...

Award 7: Best Signing Winner: Alvaro Negredo (£16m from Sevilla to Manchester City) - if Manchester City win the title, Negredo’s goalscoring in the first half of the season will have a lot to do with it. He adapted to the premier league much better than fellow spaniard Roberto Soldado of Tottenham, and cost £10m less than his compatriot.

Runner Up: Romelu Lukaku (Chelsea loan to Everton) - I don’t know why Chelsea were so willing to let Lukaku go out on loan - because he looks twice the player of Fernando Torres, Samuel Eto’o and Demba Ba. He has really inspired Everton’s push for European Football; and his power, finishing and physicality has made him a key player for Roberto Martinez’s side.

Award 8: Biggest Transfer Flop Winner: Spurs - take your pick! - how do you waste £85 million? Just ask Tottenham. They gained a world record transfer fee for a player, as good as he was, should barely have cost half. They got the better deal and could substantially re-invest, but only Christian Eriksen and Vlad Chiriches, who cost a combined total of £15m, could be considered successes of the seven deals they struck. Paulinho, Nacer Chadli and Etienne Capoue have failed miserably, with manager Tim Sherwood instead opting for 19-year old Nabil Bentaleb in the centre of the park. Roberto Soldado, who cost £26m, has just two goals from open play (which equates to £13m per goal). But the biggest flop of all perhaps, has been Argentine Erik Lamela, who cost a club-record £30m, and has made just nine appearances in the league (costing the club £3.33m per appearance). Value for money. On top of that, they sold established stars in Scott Parker, Clint Dempsey, Tom Huddlestone and Jermain Defoe, as well as Gareth Bale and their replacements have really failed to fill their boots. This is the fault of director of football, Franco Baldini.

Runner Up: Marouane Fellaini (£27.5m from Everton to Manchester United) Everton sold Fellaini and as a result managed to free up enough wage and transfer budget to sign James McCarthy, Romelu Lukaku and Gareth Barry. Meanwhile poor Manchester United (although nobody actually feels sorry for them) got lumbered with two underperforming ex-Evertonians who have pretty much destroyed their season. Fellaini and Moyes are the only additions to United (who have been there the full season) and have

Award 9: Best Match of the season Winner: Stoke City 3-5 Liverpool (12th January) - it was a game Liverpool seemingly has under complete control. 2-0 up after 30 minutes, the Reds would have no idea that the game would end up so complicated for them. An early own goal from Ryan Shawcross and a 32nd minute Luis Suarez strike seemed to be sending Liverpool on course for a routine 3 points. But a goal from Peter Crouch and a Charlie Adam belter on the verge of half time sent the hosts in level and seemed to ruffle a few feathers. A Steven Gerrard penalty and a Suarez goal with 15 minutes to go restored Liverpool’s two-goal cushion and the away fans may be forgiven for thinking their side would just see out the 4-2. But as so often this season, Liverpool kept looking for more goals and Jon Walters pulled one back for Stoke with 5 minutes left. They should have had another but a last-minute goal from Daniel Sturridge finally ensured the three points left the Britannia in Liverpool’s hands.

Runner Up: Chelsea 6-0 Arsenal (22nd March) - Arsene Wenger’s 1000th match in charge; not much else could have gone wrong. The Gunners were blown away, not for the first time this season and the game was packed with controversy and goals. With one of us an Arsenal fan, and the other a Chelsea fan, the viewing had contrasting effects, but there’s no doubting that from mistaken identity to goal bonanza, the game had it all, and goes up there as one of the games of the season.

Award 10: Biggest surprise of the season Winner: Manchester United’s failure no-one expected United to decline as much as they did. A small let off could have been forgiven, after all, not everyone’s Sir Alex Ferguson, but David Moyes really has no excuse. Unlike Ferguson, he has inherited a very talented squad and should have been at the very least, challenging for fourth spot.

Naughty Boy: Alan Pardew

Runner Up: Arsenal signing Mesut Ozil - nobody expected it. The whole summer’s gossip columns were dominated by big-money transfer talk at the Emirates but nothing materialized; until 22:20 on deadline day that remained the case.

Then Arsene Wenger spent £40m+ on an established talent. It was one of the biggest surpises of the season and it remains to be seen whether the frenchman is willing to repeat that feat.

Award 11: Naughty boy Winner: Alan Pardew (headbutt on Hull City’s David Meyler) - once again Newcastle’s Alan Pardew overstepped the mark. He let his emotions control him and was quite rightly hit with a seven-match ban, and overshadowed a 4-1 win for his side, one of their high-points of the season. He was as disappointed as anybody with his performance.

Runner Up: Jose Mourinho (general lack of respect for his peers, in particular Arsene Wenger) - he has been rude and quite frankly an embarrassment at times.

He has showed a lack of respect for fellow managers, labelling Wenger a specialist in failure as well as his players, telling a French tv station: How old is Eto’o? 35? (he is actually 33). He has also dismissed his side’s title challenge on many occasions, calling them a little horse, with Manuel Pellegrini quite rightly hitting back with a rich little horse. Mourinho also insulted Napoli manager Rafa Benitez by saying last season’s Chelsea were a failure, despite a Europa League crown, FA Cup and CapitalOne Cup semi-finals and a 3rd place finish. In case you were wondering, this was written by the arsenal fan! He has also upset many key playees and fan favourites such as Juan Mafa and Eden Hazard.

Finally, we would also like to dedicate an award to Manchester City’s Martin Demichelis on behalf of the 19 other Premier League clubs and believe he deserves an extra-special mention for his efforts at making the league more interesting. We give him the fair play award. No other candidates were considered, therefore there is no runner-up.

22

THE MARTLET SUMMER ISSUE 2

Advice

Dudley’s Dilemmas HUMOUR

Abingdon School’s unofficial mascot takes the time to respond to our most trivial of problems.

By Henry Waterson

Rowers with Withdrawal Symptoms Dear Dudley, I have suffered a wound very close to my enormously enlarged heart.

Its been literally years since we last got on the water. As I drove to school this morning in my family dinghy, happy memories of last year’s rowing season came rushing up. As the dinghy rebounded off the submerged wreckage of Mrs. Cooper’s Volvo I remembered the time the St. Paul’s bow-man caught a massive crab at Bedford and got beaten by 17 lengths. When my mother fell into the murky depths, attempting to recover my little sister’s lunchbox, I remembered the time we threw our cox into the river after hammering Radley at Dorney.

The rain hasn’t stopped. With every passing erg test I slump deeper into misery. I have taken to wearing my Lycra underneath my school uniform and turning up to Saturday training sessions – even though there is nobody there. Please help.

No. 3 2k – 7.23.7 1K – 3.01.18 250M – 1.12.83 7 Stroke – 783 Watts

Dear No.3, It is clear to me that you are suffering from withdrawal symptoms. I understand that you hold your sport very dear, but I fear that the only way to clot your “bodily release of weakness”, as you call it, may be to partake in an alternate sport.

Therefore, I propose that you sign yourself up for the recently-conceived tiddlywinks club. This club is willing to accept tiddlywinkers of any standard, and there’s no doubt that a sportsman of your caliber would be warmly welcomed.

Maybe, with your membership, the club could even enter next year’s regional trials, provided the insidious inundations of the Thames have not receded by then.

Another avenue would be intensive psychotherapy. Your position seems to match the criteria for such therapy as you are clearly “stricken by loss to the extent where your natural coping processes are overwhelmed”. I’m sure I could arrange to have the FASBC finance your individual therapy, or perhaps your entire crew could commit to group therapy at parents’ expense.

However, if you are worried about turning into a quivering, pathological wreck and do not want to take up tiddlywinks then perhaps you could buy a copy of Virtual Sailor 2007 – a piece of simulation software with which you can re-enact your fondest recollections of rowing, while experiencing relatively few catastrophic bugs. However, if all else fails, then you are welcome to join me on my fully motorized luxury yacht Thursday week.

Love, Dudley

23

THE MARTLET SUMMER ISSUE 2

Your Contributions

Have your say The Martlet features your responses to our questions.

Caption Competition Why did I park my car here again?

- Dan Savage “Mr Fisher finally finds his car after lending it to the 6th form for an “experiment”.

- Alexander Hann “Dang it, I’ve lost my keys again.”

- Jake de Jongh “That chump in the red land rover scratched my door!”

- Laurence Tilley “The school pool hadn’t been cleaned in a while!”

- Harry Venables “I thought I left it somewhere...”

- Alec de Jongh “Excuse me, you’re holding up the traffic from Atlantis…”

- Jamie Munday “Honey, I found the car!”

- Alexander Mannix “Just on my way to the supermarket.”

- Peter Apps “Miss Holt yet again has trouble parking her car.”

- Teddy Clamp

and the winning entry from Rory Esom...

“Peter was determined not to let the floods affect him.”

Prizes sponsored by... www.stuffuk.info

How would you spend £15 million?

Hi Martlet, The 15 million could be spent on a railway line to Tilsley Park to make travel to and from quicker?

- Harry Venables Hi guys, I think that the £15 million should be used on buying busses so we can have our own bus company instead of having to spend lots of money on other bus companies. Or, we should by a tank and helicopter for the CCF. - Connor Chippendale I want a yacht.

- Rostislav Gorbunov

and the winning entry from Teddy Clamp...

Dear Martlet, With regards to the £15 million question, I would…

Invest £5 million in buying Albert Park and turning it into sports pitches, building a pavilion on it and making it into a premium sports ground. We’re in 35 acres of rural Oxfordshire, Radley has 800 acres and we’re still better than them. Think how good we could be if we bought more land!

The area where the science centre is being built would remain tennis courts, and we could even spend some money relaying them if necessary. This would make many a tennis player far happier than at present, as it saves them having to traipse down to St Helen’s or the Vale.

I would spend £4 million building and fitting out a new boarding house to be known as Mearns’. It would be built on the eastern side of the new Albert Park Fields sports pitches, in dedication to the legend that was Rodney Mearns. Another possible site would be Cotton’s house room, nobody would really complain about knocking it down. The money taken in from the new boarders would then be able to fund further projects like the science centre.

There’s room for improvement in certain current structures, notably the Little School extension and the old Webb’s building, and with £3 million I would knock that down and build something permanent.

After that I think it would be a question of refitting the current science classrooms and building a permanent structure where the Chemistry annex is.

The remaining £3 million would be split down into smaller amounts; the sixth form common room could do with a makeover, notably involving a kitchen. The food is something else that could also benefit from some money. We might have something edible for a change. Boarder’s Hall could use some heating and some wallpaper. I think it’d be nice to have some house kit, purple shirts for Christodoulou’s, red for Boyd’s etc. The rowing club would most likely want some budget to improve their facilities, so they could have a small cut too.

We could use some of the budget to pay for a distinguished speakers program - we would be able to get some good lecturers and far more frequently than at the present.

Finally something that always bugs me is the idea of inter school socials. I think it’d be a real networking opportunity to fund the occasional event with other schools.

We’ve not had a single dinner debate this year, and putting on an event would be a really good way of fostering ties with other members of the Haileybury Schools group.

Thanks, Teddy.

Congratulations to Rory and Teddy for the winning responses! For details on how to collect your prize, contact martlet@abingdon.org.uk

The

{Big}

Quiz

Test your wits against this mega quiz by Tobias Jupp

Sports

The World

1. Who scored the winning goal in the 2013 Champions League final at Wembley?

11. Who discovered the West Indies in 1492?

2. Which Asian city will host the Summer Olympic Games in 2020?

12. What natural hazard caused the Fukushima nuclear disaster in Japan in 2011?

3. How many international centuries did Sachin Tendulkar score for India?

4. In which country can you find the Soccer City stadium?

5. Who will take over from Martin Whitmarsh as team principal of the McLaren Formula One team in 2014?

13. What is the largest mammal in the world?

6. What was the final score when Europe beat USA in the 2012 Ryder Cup, dubbed ‘the Miracle at Medinah’?

14. What is the capital city of Turkey

7. What was the fee Arsenal paid for Mesut Ozil in September 2013?

15. What is the lowest point on earth?

8. Name the last three host cities of the Winter Olympics.

9. Who won the 2013 BBC Sport Personality of the year?

10. Who scored a try on their England debut against France in the Stade de France on the opening day of this year’s Six Nations?

Entertainment

General Knowledge

16. Who plays the role of ‘Katniss Everdeen’ in the Hunger Games films, as well as ‘Mystique’ in the upcoming film X-Men: Days of Future Past?

21. Which element is represented by the symbol ‘Hg’ on the periodic table?

22. Which country is the largest producer of rubber?

17. Which Australian singer has become a judge on the BBC show, The Voice?

23. What is the collective name for a group of sheep?

18. Which film was the song Happy, sung by Pharrell Williams, made as a soundtrack for?

24. Who was the first female prime minister of Britain?

19. Which actor is best known for his performances of Dr Watson in Sherlock and Bilbo Baggins in The Hobbit?

25. Which book is Rudyard Kipling best known for writing, and has since been made into an animated Disney film?

20. Which song and artist won the British single of the year in the recent BRIT awards?

27. What is a rhinoceros’ horn made of: bone or hair?

26. What is the longest word in the English language in which each letter is used at least twice?

28. Which city was once called the Forbidden City?

29. What was the name of the flag that the National Socialist Party (Nazi Party) used from the mid-1920s to the second world war?

30. Who, allegedly, murdered John F. Kennedy?

0-10

Hmmm, maybe you’re not making the most of that private school education. And this wasn’t even that hard. Are you sure you’re not better off reading The Blazer?

10-20

A decent score, but still not exactly setting the world alight. You’re probably sitting in G3 territory at the moment. You better get those books out and start cramming.

PUBLISHER Emma Williamson

COPY EDITOR George Jeffreys

EDITOR-AT-LARGE Thomas Lawler

DESIGN EDITOR Asten Yeo

MANAGING EDITORS Thomas Harkness Henry Wilkinson

ILLUSTRATOR Michael Man

20-30

Either you deserve that scholar’s tie, or you were looking at the answers!

You must be the captain of the House General Knowledge team!

STAFF WRITERS Aiden Steer Blake Jones Charlie Landells Daniel Alcock Henry Waterson

James Beazley Jonah Walker Max Finch Nick Harris Patrick Cole Samuel Chambers Tobias Jupp

Contact us at martlet@abingdon.org.uk

Design by Asten Yeo

Printed by the Newspaper Club

1) Arjen Robben 2) Tokyo 3) 100 4) South Africa 5) Eric Boullier 6) 14.5 - 13.5 7) £42.4 million 8) Turin, Vancouver, Sochi 9) Andy Murray 10) Luther Burrell

11) Christopher Columbus 12) A Tsunami 13) A Blue Whale 14) Ankara 15) The Dead Sea 16) Jennifer Lawrence 17) Kylie Minogue 18) Despicable Me 2 19) Martin Freeman 20) Rudimental (ft Ella Eyre)

21) Mercury 22) Malaysia 23) Flock 24) Margaret Thatcher 25) The Jungle Book 26) Unprosperousness 27) Hair 28) Beijing 29) Swastika 30) Lee Harvey Oswald