Kanga March 2010

March 2010 AFS Faculty at NAIS Arts Day 2010 Parenting Conference Swimming to Success

Inclines and Planes in EC

US Weighs Foreign Policy Alumni Acorn Initiative

ave the date

March Calendar

March 2 Quakerism Evening

March 9 Youth Athletic Information Night

March 11-12 Pirates of Penzance Middle School Musical

March 20 RooFest Sponsorship Dinner

March 25-April 6 Spring Break

kanga news

in this issue

Abington Friends School

Snowed-in Reflections on Lifelong Journey of Parenting Message from Rich Nourie, Head of School Is there any role in all of life with a wider spectrum of emotion and experience than that of being a parent? Our children elate us, bewilder, worry and infuriate us. They inspire our deepest love and pride and amaze us at times with who they are and what they can do. Our hearts break when theirs do and we suffer the pains of growing up with them. They bring out the finest, and at times, the very worst in us. In all phases of their lives, our children challenge us to grow as people, to grow in wisdom, to grow into the great love that we have for them.

Parenting is the most profound set of experiences most of us will ever have.

culture and prevailing ideas has shifted from a decade or more to one to two years, leaving us continually offbalance as parents. Third, every child truly is different from every other and, for better and worse, truly different from who we are. It’s a lifelong journey coming to understand this profound truth for them and for us.

Of course, with all of this, a major component of parenting for most of us is self-doubt. There’s plenty to engender anxiety for us as parents. First, it’s a complicated role with lots of micro-decision making about how to respond to all that our children bring to us in a given day: when to support, when to push, when to negotiate, when to stand firm. Second, our children are growing up in a different world than that in which we were children.

There are few time-tested standards about growing up in a media and technology saturated age; the length of generational change in technology, pop

While the publishing industry would lead us to believe otherwise, psychologist Rob Evans tells us that parenting is not built on expertise that others have and we don’t. No simple scheme or set of skills reduces the complexity and richness of day to day parenting. Here and there we can pick up some useful perspective, but for the most part we develop our own body of wisdom and knowledge by parenting our own children.

The true key is presence, whether that’s floor-time with toddlers or late night kitchen talks with teenagers.

In listening, in sharing our lives with our children, we Continued on next page

And so after several days of snowed-in family time, parenting is on my mind. As I sit down to write this, I find my heart full of compassion, humility, solidarity and a hope to be encouraging for fellow moms and dads. Here is what I am reminding myself of these days as a parent:

faculty notes

Helping parents navigate our resource rich world with their children is a responsibiity AFS Technology Director John Rison is passionate about. Together with Middle School Director Russell Shaw, he launched a series of parent conversations at AFS about technology last fall, focused on managing risk and embracing possibility.

In late February, John and Russell took their message on the road, presenting at the National Association of Independent Schools Conference in San Francisco.

In their talk they used the analogy of a fast moving bus to describe where children and their parents often find themselves in relation to technology. The children are on the bus, in fact they’re often driving it, while their parents are sitting in the back seat or are behind the bus running desperately to catch up. John and Russell argue that parents need to make sure they get on that bus and crawl their way up to the front .

While our children may be tech savvy, they are still developing wisdom and judgment and inevitably they will make mistakes. We can use those as learning opportunities and we can help guide them with a road map, but we can’t stop the bus and nor should we try to, since technology is revolutionizing learning in so many powerful and positive ways.

John and Russell plan to offer more workshops here at AFS to help parents ride the tech bus with increasing knowledge and confidence.

Message from Rich Nourie Continued create the ongoing dialogue that is parenting. It’s our caring and honest, sometimes faltering and sometimes brilliant (really!) responses to our children over time that is of deepest value to them.

Remember always that it is not our job, in fact it’s not even possible, to turn our children into the people we want them to be. We’re an important piece of the journey, but there are other important things happening that account for powerful growth in our children. One is simply child and cognitive development. Over the course of time, our children undergo several transformations of how they make sense of and experience the world. What may be deeply vexing to us in one phase will take care of itself over time, often best if we don’t perseverate on a particular trait or behavior. The abilities to share, delay gratification, tell the truth, get organized, be empathetic, all come with development.

We play an important role in helping our children think through their thoughts and provide some space for reflection in which new perspectives slowly come together, but a lot of the work is part of long arc of developmental growth and transformation that unfolds over years and years. Keeping perspective, compassion and a sense of humor are all more helpful to you and your child than coercing model behavior at all times (I know- I’ve tried!).

Another key thought for me is a Quaker one: Let your life speak. Ultimately, the most important source of our children’s future happiness, purpose and well-being will be their values. The miracle of being human is that our lives gradually fill with the things we most value and most prize. Our children live in our homes and in our lives which are filled with the things we love and cherish. To the degree that those things nurture the heart and spirit, we are laying a wonderful foundation for the expectations our children will carry their whole lives.

Finally, I find it incredibly helpful to talk to other parents. The lives of others can appear far more polished or sure-footed than our own, but real talk among friends shows how illusory this really is. Parents all share the messiness, uncertainty, self-doubt and deep frustrations of being a mom or dad. Not only is it fruitless to hope to avoid all of this, it would be seriously counterproductive to the growth of our children. It is in the give and take, the figuring out, the mistakes and retractions, that so much important learning happens.

The good news is that with all the wear and tear we poor parents (and our kids) endure, the fact is that our lives as parents truly are amazing, filled with grace and love and worth every penny, tear and heart-ache. We are entwined in a lifelong journey with our children, blessed by the daily miracles of love, growth and deep friendship. I hear being a grandparent’s even better!

Arts Day 2010 Engaged Students in all Divisions On February 16 after an almost weeklong break from school thanks to copious snow and the Presidents Day holiday, we finally held our long awaited Arts Day 2010: Women in the Arts. This schoolwide event involved students in every division, who had spent weeks preparing for the day by creating pieces of art inspired by noted female artists including Barbara Kruger, Holly Sigler and Jenny Holzer. In the Stewart Lobby, a recreation of Judy Chicago’s famous Dinner Party installation captured the attention of every passerby. Fashioned like the original piece, the Dinner Party consisted of three tables arranged in a triangular formation with table runners and place settings representing notable female artists. The settings were made by students in Early Childhood, Middle and Upper School. “I'm especially grateful for the opportunity to be connected across the school by the arts,” said Middle School Director Russell Shaw. “to witness students from Early Childhood to seniors sharing experiences and being transformed by the astonishing creativity of our arts department!”

Third graders Eli Toomer, Matthew Pieretti and Miles Jones-Patton peruse the table settings at our students’ homage to Judy Chicago’s Dinner Party installation.

AFS Hosts Conference for Parents of Young Children For the second year, AFS is presenting Parents as Educators, a conference for parents of early childhood and elementary age children.

This is a wonderful opportunity for families of young children to network with other families and hear experts, including members of our own faculty, presenting on topics including “Should I? Homework and Parental Involvement,” “Staying Plugged In: Tech Applications for Parents,” “Guiding Your Child Along the Social and Emotional Spectrum” and “Hands-On Engagement in Your Child’s Math World.”

Parents with young children won’t want to miss our April 17 Parents as Educators Conference.

Foundations for Athletic Development

This year, our conference will be further enriched by the presence of a keynote speaker, Tamar Chansky, whose presentation is entitled “Parenting

Lower School families, join Crissy Cáceres, members of the AFS Athletic Department and some of our own budding student athletes for a fun and informative evening. Learn the “what, when and how” of youth athletic development. Hear more about athletic opportunities and resources both at AFS and in the surrounding communities.

RSVP by email to: amccormick@abingtonfriends.net

The conference will take place at AFS on Saturday, April 17 from 8:30 a.m. to 1 p.m. The conference fee is $12, which includes childcare for those who register in advance (at www.abingtonfriends.net). The registration deadline is April 3.

Athletics: Senior Swims into FSL Record Books by: Jeff Bond AFS’s Varsity Boys’ Swim team and the six swimmers on the Varsity Girls’ team managed to record a host of personal and team bests during the 200910 season highlighted by Kirwin’s dominant performance in League dual meets and at FSL championships.

Family Night

March 9 6:30-8 p.m.

in an Anxious World: Building a Base of Strength and Resilience—in Ourselves and our Children.” Chansky is a psychologist and founder and director of the Children’s Center for OCD and Anxiety in Plymouth Meeting, Pa. She is the author of the popular parenting books Freeing Your Child From Negative Thinking and Freeing Your Child From Anxiety. Dr. Chansky is regularly featured in magazines and on TV and radio, including NPR’s “Voices in the Family” with Dr. Dan Gottlieb.

She is also the creator of the educational website worrywisekids.org.

Senior Sean Kirwin, shown here with AFS Athletic Director Jeff Bond, has been undefeated in individual races in his three-year career as an AFS swimmer.

Shattering a 16-year old Friends Schools League record at the Friends Schools League Swim Championships on Saturday, Feb. 13, senior Sean Kirwin provided an emphatic cap on what has been an outstanding career in the pool for AFS. The unassuming Kirwin, who hails from northeast Philadelphia and transferred to AFS after his 9th grade year at Father Judge, swims largely under the radar in AFS’s winter athletic program for several reasons. Not only do years of success by the School’s basketball teams cast a long shadow, but Kirwin and his teammates have no “home” pool in which to ply their trade. Instead of being cheered on by an enthusiastic band of classmates as occurs at AFS basketball games in Hallowell Gym, AFS swimmers face a schedule of all road meets and thrice-weekly pre-dawn training sessions in the antiquated 25-yard pool at the Abington Club. Undeterred by these daunting odds, the six members of

Kirwin was undefeated in individual races in his three-year career as an AFS swimmer, and helped, with significant support from classmate Andy Zega, to lead the Kangaroos to 3rd and 4th place finishes in the seven-team FSL in ’07-’08 and ’09’10 despite competing against teams with rosters often three or four times larger. He etched his name in the FSL record books by besting the 100 Meter Backstroke mark in a dual meet at Westtown on Jan. 26 before eclipsing the League’s 100-Yard Butterfly standard at the FSL championships. His 58.87 and 54.68 respectively in the two events topped records that had stood for 12 and 16 years.

A year-round swimmer for the Lower Moreland Lightning club team, Kirwin supplements his work with the AFS squad with his club’s two-hour practices six days a week. Not only has all of his work propelled Kirwin to the top of the Friends Schools League, it has also brought interest from several NCAA Division I swim programs. Kirwin currently has scholarship offers from Drexel University and the University of Massachusetts, and will be making an official recruiting visit to the University of Minnesota in March. We congratulate Sean Kirwin for a great athletic career at AFS that passed almost undetected beneath the water.

Toni’s Top

page-turners

Stones into Schools: Promoting Peace with Books, not Bombs, in Afghanistan and Pakistan

by Greg Mortenson High School and Adult Greg Mortenson’s new account of what happened to his NGO, Central Asian Institute, after the events described in his first book, Three Cups of Tea is fascinating. Though I haven’t read ThreeCups of Tea, I had no problem reading this book.

Stones into Schools startswith a promise to build a school in the most remote area of Afghanistan. The only way into and out of the Wakhanis is on horseback or other animal, and it cannot be reached in the winter at all. This poses many problems for building a school, least of all getting building materials to a place with few trees and no roads. The book chronicles the CAI’s journey to build that school while building many other schools in Afghanistan and Pakistan. Not a high piece of literature, but a good read with a great message. I found myself crying at the end, a first for me with a non-fiction book.

Encouraging Exploration If Ellis was an adult, we’d say he was experiencing “flow.” For more than an hour, recalls Early Childhood Teacher Tamara Clark, “Ellis was completely engrossed in his work, his brow furrowed, his tongue stuck out the side of his mouth as he tried to make it work. Many many times, the wood pieces would slide apart, and he would re-align them.” Ellis, a student in Tamara’s Turtles classroom, was figuring out how incline planes work, putting together two-foot lengths of cove molding to create the longest marble run possible. “Ellis started on the table top,” says Tamara, “and built it across several chairs to a shelf. Then he switched to floor level to try to make it even longer. He built a run from one shelf, under the table, to the other shelf. I asked him what he was learning and he said, ‘They can go really fast. You just connect the two pieces. You can connect them flat, or you can make them jump. You just put one on top of the other and then it jumps. If there is a hole, the marble can just go right over it.’ ” Tamara was inspired to introduce this project by a two-day institute she recently attended in Atlanta

on Learning Together with Young Children. “The kernel that I have taken from that work is the idea of learning about learning with young children. We are very good at producing documentation of the children’s learning (documentation as a noun), and this workshop introduced me to the idea of documentation as a verb. When I observe Ellis at work, and talk to him about what he is learning, about how he is getting smarter, I am engaging in documentation as a verb. A further step may be to have him draw his ideas, or dictate an instructions book so that someone else could replicate his learning. It is exciting work!”

Upper School Students Weigh Opposing Viewpoints

Toni Vahlsing Director of Librairies

AFS Open House Tuesday March 16 8:30 a.m.

Ellis learns about planes and inclines by creating a spectacularly long marble run with lengths of cove molding in the Turtles classroom.

Zach Atkins and Saroja Schwager set the stage for a foreign policy assembly with invited speakers.

Every year in Upper School the History Department brings in two experts with differing viewpoints to discuss a foreign policy issue with each other and an Upper School audience at a special assembly. This year, the topic was the War on Terror, and the invited guests on February 19 were Michael Sullivan, a professor of Political Science at Drexel University (and father of two AFS alums) and Alan Luxenberg, Vice President of the Foreign Policy Research Institute and founder and director of its Wachman Center. Sullivan’s stance was strongly anti-war while Luxenberg argued for the use of force in the face of evil. Sophomore Zach Atkins and senior Saroja Schwager served as moderators for the discussion. “One of our goals is to always look at different perspectives,” says History Teacher Janet Frazer. “It was good to have an issue that was so relevant and timely,” noted Saroja, who has been accepted into the Global Studies Program at New York University. “Having experts come in helps us have a better understanding of world events, and it’s good to have opposing points of view to encourage us to ask questions.” For Zach, whose interests also include math, science and astronomy, hearing two sides was also important: “Even for people who are up to date on current affairs, which I try to be, you need to hear the entire story before you can make conclusions.”

afs calendar March Sunday

Monday

1

Annual Fund A Call for Volunteers!

7

8

14

21

Thursday

2

3

4

5

6

Forum on Quakerism for AFS Families 7 p.m.

Director of Studies Coffee 8th Parents 8-9:30 a.m.

5th Grade Poetry Night 7 p.m.

“Kicks for Cancer” Charity Soccer Tournament 5-10 p.m.

SSATs 8:15 a.m.

ggiddings@abingtonfriends.net

for more information.

28 Spring Break

Saturday

13

10

11

12

“Beginning Athletics” Family Night in LS

Director of Studies Coffee Current 9th and 10th Parents 8-9:30 a.m.

Pirates of Penzance 7 p.m.

Pirates of Penzance 7 p.m.

15

16

17

18

19

20

Middle School Spring Sports Begin

Open House Registration 8:45 a.m.

US Information Night 8th Parents 7 p.m.

Language Movie Night 5-9 p.m..

Mold Symposium at Plymouth Meeting Friends

EC Game/Potluck Night

RooFest Sponsorship Dinner

23

24

22

Candlelight Dinner

Please contact Gabrielle Giddings, Director of Annual Giving at 215-576-3957 or

Follow us on

Wednesday

9

The Parents Committee for the Annual Fund will be hosting Annual Fund Calling Nights on March 16 and April 13 from 5:30 – 8:30 p.m.

Making calls to build participation in the Annual Fund is a great way to support AFS. Join the fun and experience the camaraderie of working side by side with other parent volunteers and our amazing Upper School student callers!

Training, dinner and lots of chocolate are provided.

Tuesday

Phila. Alumni Reception 7-9 p.m.

Friday

1

25

26

27

Spring Break

Spring Break

Spring Break

Non-Profit Org. U.S. Postage PAID Jenkintown, PA Permit 14 575 Washington Lane Jenkintown, PA 19046 215-886-4350 www.abingtonfriends.net

Editor: Judy Hill, jhill@abingtonfriends.net Design: Peapod Design, New Canaan, CT

Our goal: to contact every single alumnus/a by phone.

That’s about 2,100 people. And we’ve already begun.

Why? AFS is a lifelong resource for its community: socially, academically and professionally. The more we know about our alumni, the easier it is to make connections to today’s AFS and broaden networking opportunities. We ask Do you have another special 3 simple questions: talent? If you have ever 1. How was your AFS experithought about performing in ence? public – singing, playing 2. What did you do after AFS? music, dancing, juggling, 3. How do you feel about doing magic, telling jokes, today’s AFS? reading poetry – here’s your

chance!you Youlike needtonot be contact a Would help professional.

All we ask is alumni? We welcome volunthat you be willing share teers!

Director of to Alumni your talents with the AFS Affairs Jenny Hammond '86

community. jhammond@abingtonfriends.net 215-576-3966 This year’s AFS Community Talent Show is set for Satur-

ADDRESS SERVICE REQUESTED