Recognizing the Difference in Normal Conflict and Bullying Conflict is a normal part of interpersonal relationships and an integral part of childhood. It is important that young teens learn to distinguish the difference between normal conflict and bullying for several reasons. First, teens need to learn when to ask for help with a problem and when the problem is one that they can handle on their own. As youngsters progress through middle school they become increasingly reliant on themselves or ask peers for assistance. However, in bullying situations the imbalance of power can severely hinder the usual conflict resolution strategies, which further empowers the bully. Teens need to learn to recognize this pattern so that they don’t continue trying ineffective strategies or think they have to solve the conflict on their own. Normal peer conflict is characterized by the developmental level of children involved. Middle school adolescents engage in conflicts which include angry hurtful remarks, gossip, note writing, and derogatory sexual jokes. Their presence alone does not infer that a bully-victim problem exists. Because all youth need help when they are being bullied, it is important adults to recognize the difference between normal conflict and bullying (see table). Often a behavior or series of behaviors will appear to the adult as a daily hassle rather than a major stressful event. In reality, the adult needs to embrace the young teen’s report of the behavior as bullying and respond from that position. Students who are being bullied need reassurance and assistance with direct coping behaviors
Normal Conflict: Equal power—friends Happens occasionally Accidental Not serious Equal emotional reaction Not seeking power or attention Not trying to get something Remorse—takes responsibility Effort to solve the problem
Bullying: Imbalance of power; not friends Repeated negative actions Purposeful Strong emotional reaction on part of the victim Seeking power, control Trying to gain material or power No remorse—blames victim No effort to solve the problem
*Information taken from Bully-proofing Your School: A Comprehensive Approach for Middle School*. Click here to download https://www.dropbox.com/home/Natalie%20M./Newsletter%20Content%20Articles?preview=Recognizi ng+the+Difference+in+bullying.docx