ACCESSline, Iowa's LGBT Newspaper, August 2010 Issue, Volume 24 No 8 by ACCESSline

‘Mo-dern Family Another summer blockbusters: Summer of Love Forget The next big thing—from out director Lisa Cholodenko—might just be the two-mom movie, The Kids Are All Right By Chris Azzopardi

The wedding (and reception!) of Louis Allyn Dixon, Jr. and Michael Paul Pagano on July 3rd, 2010 in Des Moines, Iowa. Photos: Photography by Gayle. Story on page 18.

Julianne Moore breezes into the room—a cozy, sun-lit suite at a Four Seasons in Los Angeles—with a perky bounce, appearing far shinier than the ordinary-looking lesbian mom she plays in The Kids Are All Right. Her wide smile’s luminosity challenges the light tugging at its glow, and when she unleashes her walloping cackle it’s so magical it swallows the room. She lets one loose while laughing off a question about kissing Annette Bening, her lover in the heartfelt slice-of-life feature, and then expresses agitation over Newsweek, giving a figurative middle-finger to the magazine for its anti-queer actor rant. Moore isn’t gay, of course, but she’s hardly a stranger to slipping into that role—and here she is again as Jules, a gay mom in a movie that’s really not very gay at all. The film’s only agenda is to have no agenda whatsoever. It doesn’t preach or force liberal propaganda down the throat of Middle America, even with a lesbian couple at its core. Jules and Nic (Bening) are just two relationship-challenged people trying to make it work. Oh, and they have two kids. No biggie. “The great thing about it is it’s making no statement at all. It just simply is,” Moore tells us. “And people keep asking me whether movies influence culture and I think, actually, that more often they reflect it. So we’re able to have a movie like this because this is something that’s occurring in our society—all over the world right now.”

TTALL RIGHT continued page 7

Iowa HIV news is mixed

Michael John Martin and William Russell Harris married in West Union, Iowa on July 24th, 2010, the first legal same-sex marriage performed in West Union. Story on page 29.

Arthur Breur Page 3

The Iowa Department of Public Health’s mid-year report on HIV and AIDS in the state provided news that was both promising and troubling: While fewer new HIV cases were reported overall—and actual AIDS cases were significantly lower—the rate of new infections in people 15 to 24 has doubled over the same six-month period since 2007. It is possible that the increased numbers reported are merely due to more people getting tested. Still, while the overall news seems good, it is more important than ever to provide sound HIV education to our state’s young people, and to combat our culture’s growing nonchalance about this still-deadly virus.

Jonathan Wilson Page 7

Iowa Women’s Music Festival Page 15

Annette Bening (left) and Julianne Moore (right) star as Nic and Jules in Lisa Cholodenko’s THE KIDS ARE ALL RIGHT, a Focus Features release. Photo by Suzanne Tenner.

What’s Inside: Section 1: News & Politics Editor’s note plus a bonus “Creep of the Week” Iowa News Editorial: “Of Expectations” by Tony Hansen US News World News “An Interesting Convergence” by Jonathan Wilson Creeps of the Week

3 4 5 6 7 8

Section 2: Fun Guide Entertainment Picks for August Deep Inside Hollywood Partying Hard by Joshua Dagon The Outfield Recurring Events, Statewide Janis Ian headlines Iowa Women’s Music Festival Hear Me Out (Music Reviews) The Gay Wedding Planner Cocktail Chatter: Screwdriver / Fire Island Iced Tea Hollywood is coming to Eastern Iowa Our Lesbian Brokeback by Kathy Wolfe Out of Town: San Miguel de Allende, Mexico The Bookwork Sez: The Bucolic Plague Comics and Crossword Puzzle

11 11 12 14 15 15 16 18 23 24 24 25 26 26

Section 3: Community The CENTER starts new after-school program 29 “Standing on Higher Ground” events at UNI 29 Martin-Harris Wedding 29 Inside Out: “Life on the Other Side” by Ellen Krug 31 Marriage Equality Conference, August 13-14 32 Queeries: Lessons in LGBT etiquette 33 Business Directory 36-37

Hollywood Coming to Iowa Page 24

Ellen Krug Inside Out Page 31

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Section 1: News & Politics

AUGUST 2010

PUBLICATION INFORMATION

Section 1: News & Politics

Not sweating the small stuff

ACCESSline is a monthly publication by ACCESS (A Concerned Community for Education, Safer-sex and Support) in Northeast Iowa, a registered non-profit organization in the State of Iowa and a federal non-profit organization under Section 501(c)3 of the IRS Code.

This past month, my 95-year-old grandmother, Pearl, suffered an abdominal obstruction and was hospitalized. After days of not improving, she was moved back to her home at my mother’s house in Kure Beach, NC, and has been in home-hospice care for a week now as I write this. My grandmother is a remarkable woman. Even at her age, she was doing yoga stretches every day. Despite a morphine drip that would addle a horse, Pearl has been consistently coherent and even quite a bit sassy. When I was a kid and my mother was going into medical school, Pearl took over the daily routine of helping to raise my sister and me. She insisted that I eat five vegetables every day or I didn’t get any dessert. She

explained to me how I should relate to people of other faiths and other traditions. When, in college, I finally,, timidly, came out to her, the response she provided made me feel both loved and a little silly: “Did you think I wasn’t gonna love you any more?!” I am going to miss having this amazing woman here in the flesh, but even so, she will be with me every minute of the rest of my own life. Anyway, because I was visiting Pearl and my family for the past week, I did not finish my own editorial for this issue, but I’m not sweating it. D’Anne Witkowski’s “Creep of the Week” article about NOM, below, is so close to what I wanted to say that I shall just let her say it instead.

All rights reserved. Original material printed in ACCESSline (with the exception of information from other sources) may be “lifted” for use in other publications so long as proper credit is given. Publication of the name, photograph or likeness of any person, business or organization in ACCESSline is not to be construed as any indication of sexual orientation. Opinions expressed by columnists do not necessarily reflect the opinions of ACCESSline, ACCESS or the gay and lesbian community. Letters to the editor may be published. We cannot be responsible for errors in advertising copy. We welcome the submission of original materials, including line drawings and cartoons, news stories, poems, essays. They should be clearly labeled with author/artist name, address, and phone number. We reserve the right to edit letters and other material for reasons of profanity, space, or clarity. Materials will not be returned. A writer’s guide is available for those wishing to submit original work. Advertising rates and deadlines are available at ACCESSlineIOWA.com. All ads must be approved by ACCESSline’s editorial board.

You know, nothing says summer lovin’ like jumping in a van and going on a whirlwind national tour to “defend marriage” from depraved homosexuals. And if anyone knows how to have a good time it’s the National Organization for Marriage, whose cronies are making damn sure that they have plenty to write about in their “What I Did On My Summer Vacation” essays. The only trouble is it looks like their rallies aren’t exactly attracting a lot of antigay fans. From the reports I’ve been reading, they’re bringing in just as many—and sometimes more—marriage equality folks as NOMers. But you don’t have to take my word for it. Just visit NOM’s YouTube channel and watch their less-than-inspiring tour videos. Take their video of their stop in Lima, Ohio, which features a smattering of white folks in what looks like a Wal-Mart parking lot. The video mostly shows the backs of heads of people standing, or, in equal numbers, sitting in lawn chairs, as a NOM speaker stands at a podium urging them to keep marriage safe from the queers. It’s a pretty common camera shot throughout NOM’s tour videos. After all, it creates the illusion that the cameraperson is standing only a few rows back in a crowd that goes on and on behind them. In reality, it appears that these first few rows are the only rows. You’d think that if NOM had swarms of heterosexual marriage defenders at these rallies—a sea-to-shining-sea, if you will, of men and women joined penis to vagina like

God intended—they’d put that in their tour videos instead of a shot of their marriage RV dissolving into a shot of a dumpy middle aged woman leaning over a folding table to sign some kind of penis+vagina=forever pledge. The only crowd shots in the videos are of NOM’s opposition, which often seem to outnumber NOMers themselves. In the Columbus video, a good deal of time is spent on shots of homos behaving badly. Mostly guys flipping off the camera surrounded by rainbow flags. Because you know how homos are: so disrespectful of folks rolling into town in order to take away their rights and paint them as less than human. Perhaps it’s because of the piss-poor turnout thus far that NOM is trying to capitalize on their footage of protesters in order to make homos look like the bad guys. In one video a voiceover claims that the gays came “armed” with rainbow balloons and umbrellas. The gay weapons of choice. The voiceover also says that gay protesters “followed a Hispanic woman to the back of the rally bullying her as she tried to nurse her baby and watch the rally with her children.” Yikes! Sounds pretty terrible. Until you learn that they “bullied” this woman by simply standing at the perimeter of the rally with their rainbow umbrellas, which blocked her view. It must have been terrifying. The video also accuses Rhode Island protesters of “targeting young children with intimidation” and then cuts to a shot of a protester yelling to someone off camera attending the rally, “You’d better watch that

Arthur Breur, Editor in Chief Q Syndicate Rex Wockner News Service Contributors: Rachel Eliason; Beau Fodor; Tony E. Hansen; Ellen Krug; Jennifer Merriman; Bill Musser; Katie Sims; Justin Uebelhor; Jonathan Wilson

ACCESSline Page 3

National Organization for Marriage by D’Anne Witkowski

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Send in photos and reports of your events... especially benefits and conferences. Please send us information on any of the following: • Corrections to articles • Stories of LGBT interest, both in and outside of Iowa • Letters to the editor • Editorials or opinion pieces • Engagement and wedding ceremony announcements or photos • Questions on any topic we print • Photos and writeups about shows, events, pageants, and fundraisers Please email us at Editor@ACCESSlineIOWA.com. You may also contact us at our regular address: ACCESSline PO Box 2666 Cedar Rapids, IA 52406-2666

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NOM’s marriage tour event at the New Life Worship Center in Rochester, Minnesota. Photo by “NOM Tour Tracker” Arisha Michelle Hatch. kid or we’re gonna kidnap him.” Tactless? Yes. But what it really amounts to is gallows humor. After all, the folks at the NOM rallies do espouse the belief that gays can’t be trusted with kids because all gays are child molesters. Then there was the Indianapolis rally where, according to the Bilerico Project, only 40 folks attended the rally while 250 protesters showed up. No wonder NOM felt intimidated. No worries, though. One NOMer had the perfect solution to gay marriage rendered on a placard he held: Leviticus 20:13 paired with a drawing of twin nooses. Something tells me he isn’t going to make it into NOM’s official tour video. D’Anne Witkowski has been gay for pay since 2003. She’s a freelance writer and poet (believe it!). When she’s not taking on the creeps of the world she reviews rock ‘n’ roll shows in Detroit with her twin sister.

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IOWA NEWS

National Organization for Marriage Meddles in Iowa Politics After Previous Ethics Admonition OneIowa, July 29, 2010 — The Human Rights Campaign along with One Iowa, today called on the National Organization for Marriage (NOM) to comply with state disclosure laws and stop covering up donors to its political campaign activities, in light of reports that NOM is once again actively soliciting funds to use in Iowa campaigns. “NOM isn’t above the law in Iowa or anywhere else,” said Fred Sainz, vice president of communications and marketing at the Human Rights Campaign. “The public is entitled to know who is behind NOM’s efforts to secretly finance candidates who would strip Iowans of their marriage rights. It’s time for NOM to own up and follow campaign disclosure laws that are essential to a functioning democracy.” “This is about out-of-state extremists trying to influence Iowa elections and deny Iowans of their rights,” said One Iowa Executive Director Carolyn Jenison. “If NOM chooses to play politics with the lives of gay and lesbian Iowans, they must follow our laws and play by our rules.” This week, NOM reportedly robocalled Iowa voters asking for money to help oust lawmakers and judges who support marriage equality in advance of its sham “Summer for Marriage” bus tour making stops in Iowa. The automated call stated that NOM has received a “challenge grant” of up to $2 million and is working to raise matching funds. When NOM last meddled in Iowa elections it did so without properly disclosing its activities. In August 2009, NOM spent a staggering $86,000 on ads in a single legislative special election attempting to elect an anti-equality candidate, part of its efforts to get a constitutional amendment reversing the state Supreme Court’s unanimous decision recognizing marriage equality. In a nationwide e-mail NOM flaunted state law by telling donors that “best of all… NOM has the ability to protect donor identities…” These fundraising tactics prompted complaints and a warning letter from the state ethics board to NOM stating that the law requires disclosure of political contributions solicited for its Iowa campaign. The letter from the state warned NOM that the “independent expenditure process in Iowa is not a vehicle to shield political contributors.” “The door is closing on NOM’s radical nationwide efforts to evade long-established public disclosure laws and to hide its political activities from legitimate scrutiny and accountability,” added Sainz. “If NOM wants to be involved in elections in Iowa or anywhere else, then it’s going to have to follow the law.” NOM has falsely alleged that their donors have been harassed and intimidated across the country to justify why it shouldn’t have to disclose contributors to its political efforts. These tactics have prompted an ongoing state ethics investigation in Maine and recent court defeats across the country. In Washington state, NOM’s lawyers fought

Section 1: News & Politics

AUGUST 2010

Of Expectations by Tony E. Hansen

the state’s public records law all the way to the U.S. Supreme Court – and lost. A federal court in California similarly rejected NOM’s efforts to hide its donors and debunked its claims of harassment and intimidation in the wake of Proposition 8. The Human Rights Campaign is America’s largest civil rights organization working to achieve lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender equality. By inspiring and engaging all Americans, HRC strives to end discrimination against LGBT citizens and realize a nation that achieves fundamental fairness and equality for all. One Iowa is the state’s largest lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender (LGBT) advocacy organization, committed to full equality for LGBT individuals, including the freedom to marry.

“I think the system is flawed. That’s the frustrating thing as governor. You only get to choose from the three that are nominated for the Supreme Court or District Court from two. It’s not like the president. The president just chose a Justice for the U.S. Supreme Court that has never tried a case. Yet the governor has to choose from the three or the two that are nominated by the nominating commission. I believe that needs to be changed so you can indeed choose people who have a commitment to protect the constitution and to judicial restraint.” — GOP gubernatorial candidate and four-term past Iowa governor, Terry Branstad, in a WHO-AM radio interview with talk-show host Jan Mickelson, bemoaning Iowa’s merit-based judicial nominating and retention system.

After watching the news over the recent years, I am amazed at the expectations that people have and at how quickly opinions change. I remember within hours of Obama’s Inauguration, Fox News was reporting that a “silent majority” of Americans did not approve of his work (and all the First Couple did was dance). People have distorted and unrealistic expectations that the troubles would simply disappear under new leadership and, all, without needing to lift a finger to help. Critics and allies alike would watch while doing nothing (often hoping for failure). How can one hope for the failure of the President when that office is a part of our country’s future? All throughout, critics make incredibly loose judgments that characterize holding off another great depression as akin to Nazism even. The problem is that we cannot ignore (or characterize differently) what is needed to be done in favor of what we want (if we want serious public policy answers). Within weeks, people went from adoring Obama to venting anger over the loudest and widest characterizations of policies as well as recession measures with completely unreasonable expectations of time and market mechanisms. We too easily forget the quagmire that had developed (thanks to the likes of GM and AIG, as well as decades of de-regulation) that took time to develop and that a resolution would take time as well. We also forget that people caused these issues, and unfortunately, more people (whether we caused the issues or not) have to handle the fallout. While I disagreed with the bailout of the firms as a moral hazard, the actions that the administration took may have prevented an even more cataclysmic financial event that would have evaporated jobs and savings for millions of Americans since those companies were significant foundations to our standard of living. Simply, the consequences of not acting responsibly would have been far more disastrous than the actions they took. Further, these problems were an expensive warning against unregulated capitalism. People argued that the great hand of Obama should have reached down into the ocean and plugged the monstrous BP oil leak. If people are more interested in complaining than helping, there is little politicians can do about poor engineering and poor management within a private firm. Locally, people

argue that Governor Culver should have automatically restored damaged flood areas and magically handled state budget issues while maintaining levels of service everywhere. Yet, with limited resources, people refusing new taxes, people demanding unchanged service levels, and Iowa’s legal requirement for balanced budgets, he acted like a fiscal conservative that managed balanced budgets while providing emergency relief to flood victims. So far, the Governor and President have had to take unpopular but necessary actions. Many campaigns continue to call for spending cuts and lower taxes, but they still expect the same level of government services we enjoy today. Even so, when a local school district suddenly has to fire several teachers due to budget cuts, there is an ironic call for more education funding, but at what expense does this “rise” in funding come? In a small pot of funds, the policymakers have to shift money from one source to pay for the others (e.g. firefighters, food inspectors, flood protection, oil regulators, bridge inspections, road maintenance, or even public vaccines). Taxes and bills are not fun to pay, but solutions are not simply “snap your fingers” answers in addition to they require funds. We have to decide if our expectations and priorities are funded properly if we mean to continue to demand them. This unrealistic expectation in public policy reflects aspects of collective attitudes towards work and budgets; perhaps we are too detached from what we need in search of what we want. People complain about health problems due to poor diets and poor exercise routines but do nothing to correct that. People overspend on unneeded things and wonder why they can not pay for a car repair or dinner. People talk values but do not align their actions (or words) with those espoused values. Many times, the advice given to others would be best put into practice for our own lives in addition to those being advised. Then again, some people will always complain or complain about other people continuously (that should make one wonder what they say when not in present company). What becomes clear is that people have disconnected themselves from (or even outright ignored) the responsibilities in life as well as public policy in favor of an expected affluence and disregard for consequences. Some too easily ignore the reality of issues in order to fit an ideological mold or attitude while some are never happy with what they have. Regardless, responsibilities (or requirements) have to be met before any affluence can be reached, and there is work that needs to be done if one wishes to enjoy the benefits. President Kennedy said that “God’s work must truly be our own”, and from that, we must be willing to make efforts in our own lives before we can expect help or success from the society, God or government. Without necessary steps towards bettering our efforts or respecting the complex processes involved, we cannot comprehend the issues, we cannot truly succeed, we may follow irrelevant tangents, and we will always be pointing the finger somewhere. Without seriously considering what we need and what we can afford, we are only building a social house of cards at the mercy of the winds of change.

AUGUST 2010

Section 1: News & Politics

ACCESSline Page 5

US NEWS news analysis by Rex Wockner IGLHRC wins battle for UN inclusion

Following a grueling last-minute push, the International Gay and Lesbian Human Rights Commission won consultative status at the United Nations Economic and Social Council on July 19. After three years of opposition at the committee level, IGLHRC, with a strong assist from the U.S. government, managed to circumvent the obstructionist committee by moving the vote on its status directly to the full ECOSOC, where the vote was 23 in favor, 13 against, 13 abstentions and 5 absences. IGLHRC becomes the 10th LGBT organization to have successfully outgunned U.N. homophobes and achieved consultative status. Voting for IGLHRC were Argentina, Australia, Belgium, Brazil, Canada, Chile, Estonia, Finland, France, Germany, Guatemala, Italy, Japan, Liechtenstein, Malta, Norway, Peru, Poland, Slovenia, South Korea, United Kingdom, United States and Uruguay. Voting against the group were Bangladesh, China, Comoros, Egypt, Malaysia, Morocco, Namibia, Niger, Pakistan, Russia, Saudi Arabia, Venezuela and Zambia. Abstaining were Bahamas, Côte d’Ivoire, Ghana, India, Mauritius, Moldova, Mongolia, Mozambique, Philippines, Rwanda, St. Kitts and Nevis, Turkey and Ukraine. Not present were Cameroon, Congo, Guinea-Bissau, Iraq and St. Lucia. Of its long-running battle at the committee level, IGLHRC said: “Despite full compliance with all procedures, IGLHRC faced deferrals, homophobic questioning and procedural roadblocks in the ECOSOC NGO Committee. ... Today’s decision overturned a ‘no-action’ vote in the NGO Committee that threatened to establish a dangerous precedent and the possibility of organizations deemed controversial being continuously denied the opportunity to have their application put to a vote even after undergoing the required review.” Ambassador Susan Rice, the United States’ permanent U.N. representative, publicly supported IGLHRC’s application, along with 14 members of the U.S. House of Representatives and four U.S. senators, including Sen. John Kerry, chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee, and Rep. Howard Berman, chair of the House Foreign Affairs Committee. President Barack Obama welcomed the news, calling it an “important step forward for human rights.” “The International Gay and Lesbian Human Rights Commission will take its rightful seat at the table of the United Nations,” Obama said. “The U.N. was founded on the premise that only through mutual respect, diversity and dialogue can the international community effectively pursue justice and equality. Today, with the more full inclusion of (IGLHRC), the United Nations is closer to the ideals on which it was founded, and to values of inclusion and equality to which the United States is deeply committed.” With its new status, IGLHRC will be able to attend meetings, submit statements and collaborate with the U.N. and national governments on human-rights issues. “We celebrate this decision,” said Toni

Vegas protest. Photo from GetEQUAL. Reis, president of Brazil’s Associação Brasileira de Lésbicas, Gays, Bissexuais, Travestis e Transexuais, which, in 2009, achieved ECOSOC consultative status. “It is crucial that LGBT NGOs (nongovernmental organizations) have the opportunity to participate in the U.N. human rights debate—though in the future, organizations should receive full and fair reviews before the NGO Committee itself,” he said.

GetEQUAL stops traffic on Vegas Strip, 8 arrested

Members of direct-action group GetEQUAL halted traffic on the Las Vegas Strip at the New York-New York hotel’s Statue of Liberty July 20 to protest U.S. Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid’s perceived inaction on the federal Employment Non-Discrimination Act. Police were slow to arrive on the scene, leaving eight southbound lanes of the thoroughfare blocked for some 20 minutes. Activists accomplished the feat by stretching a large banner across the street. It said: “Reid: No one can do more? GetEQUAL. org.” Reid represents Nevada. Eight people were arrested, including GetEQUAL co-chair Robin McGehee and Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell activist Dan Choi, along with Dan Fotou, Natasha Dillon, Meg Sneed, Lee Walters, Paul Roark and Jimmy Gruender. “ENDA is a piece of legislation that the Democratic leadership in Congress has promised the LGBT community that it would schedule a vote on this legislative session in Congress,” GetEQUAL said. “However, the bill has yet to be voted on—and, to date, no vote has been scheduled.” A second group of GetEQUAL members hung a banner on the huge elevated walkway that crosses the Strip from the MGM Grand to New York-New York. It said: “Reid: Pass ENDA Now!” “Our community has literally watched decades go by with campaign promise after campaign promise from congressional leaders about the passage of ENDA,” McGehee said. “House Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s own press aide told the community at the end of May: ‘The Senate has no plans for taking up ENDA. It would be very helpful for people to encourage the Senate to outline a plan for considering the bill.’ GetEQUAL’s members and supporters agreed.” The group’s managing director, Heather Cronk, added: “The time to pass ENDA is now. No more delays, no more excuses and

no more broken promises. People need these federal protections, especially the hundreds of thousands of LGBT workers living in dozens of states where it is still legal to fire someone solely for being lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender.” Only 21 states prohibit firing people for being gay and only 12 states prohibit firing people for being transgender.

School to pay Constance damages

Constance McMillen, pictured here (left) with her friend Kal at San Diego Pride, has won $35,000 from the high school that canceled the prom rather than let her go with her girlfriend. Photo by Rex Wockner Itawamba Agricultural High School in Fulton, Miss., which canceled its prom rather than let Constance McMillen attend with her girlfriend earlier this year, will pay her $35,000 and attorneys’ fees, the American Civil Liberties Union reported July 20. The judgment ends McMillen’s suit against the school and a story that captured national attention.

The saga had taken an even nastier turn when parents and school officials, according to the ACLU, later hatched and executed a plan to stage two private proms—a real one and a fake one, to which Constance and eight other people were sent while everyone else partied 30 miles away. “I’m so glad this is all over. I won’t ever get my prom back, but it’s worth it if it changes things at my school,” said McMillen, who allegedly was harassed so badly by students blaming her for the prom cancellation that she had to transfer to another high school to finish her senior year. In settling the case, school officials also agreed to implement a policy banning discrimination or harassment on the basis of sexual orientation and gender identity—a first for any Mississippi public school. “Constance went through a great deal of harassment and humiliation simply for standing up for her rights, and she should be proud of what she has accomplished,” said Christine P. Sun, senior counsel with the ACLU Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Project. “Thanks to her bravery, we now not only have a federal court precedent that can be used to protect the rights of students all over the country to bring the date they want to their proms, but we also have the first school anti-discrimination policy of its kind in Mississippi.” In addition to the legal judgment against the school, an earlier ruling in the case set a precedent that will aid other students who experience such discrimination. In March, the U.S. District Court for the Northern District of Mississippi ruled that school officials violated McMillen’s First Amendment rights when it canceled the prom. Assistance: Bill Kelley

It’s time for gay men and women to stop letting our rights be left up to the ballot box. We are Americans, and as such are entitled to the same rights as all other Americans. We don’t need anyone’s permission to seek “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.” This was given to us by our founders. — Brandon N. Wood in a letter to the Sioux City Journal, July 7, 2010

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Section 1: News & Politics

AUGUST 2010

World News by Rex Wockner Argentine marriage bill signed into law

Argentine President Cristina Fernández de Kirchner signed the bill legalizing samesex marriage July 21 at the Casa Rosada in a ceremony attended by gay leaders. In an interview with the newspaper Página/12, Fernández said: “This is another milestone in the expansion of civil rights. They tried to disguise it as a religious issue, but it is strictly social. ... I think we should take it very naturally, without drama.” She added that “marriage comes from Roman law,” where it was created to deal “with private property (and) property rights.” “It arose in a pagan society, which the Roman society was,” she said. “So to give a religious connotation to the union between two people isn’t even historical truth.” Fernández said that although Argentina is only the 10th country to legalize same-sex marriage nationwide, “without a doubt more countries will follow.” “Holland was the first and today already there are nine (other) countries,” she said. “The other day the president of Iceland got married to her (female) partner. The president of Iceland! ... In a few more years, this debate is going to end up anachronistic.” (It was actually Iceland’s prime minister, not president.) The marriage bill cleared the Senate 33-27 on July 15 following 15 hours of debate. City officials have said the first wedding will take place Aug. 13 in Buenos Aires’ trendy Palermo area. A longtime gay couple in their 60s will tie the knot at the office where they were turned away when they tried to marry three years ago. Same-sex marriage also is legal in Belgium, Canada, Iceland, the Netherlands, Norway, Portugal, South Africa, Spain, Sweden, Mexico City, Connecticut, Iowa, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, Vermont and Washington, D.C.

Irish partnership bill signed

President Mary McAleese signed Ireland’s civil-partnership bill into law July

19.

ment to include the gender of the person one intends to marry on a required certificate of matrimonial capacity that a foreigner must obtain from his or her native land before marrying in Portugal. There were problems with getting such certificates from some nations that oppose same-sex marriages. One does not have to live in Portugal to get married there.

It will take effect early next year and extend marriage rights and obligations in areas such as taxes, pensions, property, tenancy, inheritance, alimony, immigration and social benefits. Couples will unite before a registrar after providing three months’ advance notice. To end a partnership, a couple will go to court and prove they’ve not lived together for two of the last three years. The law also will recognize foreign same-sex unions and provide some rights for unregistered cohabiting couples. Justice Minister Dermot Ahern called the law “one of the most important pieces of civil rights legislation to be enacted since independence.”

17 killed at gay party in Mexico

Seventeen people were killed at a birthday party organized by a gay group in Torreón, Coahuila, Mexico, on July 19, the Los Angeles Times reported. Another 18 people were injured in the attack at the Italia Inn, during which the gunmen said nothing. Police theorize that the bloodbath was related to drug-cartel clashes and may not have been a hate crime. The party had been advertised online and was promoted as being open to everyone. The state of Coahuila borders Texas.

HIV+ people stage massive die-in at Int’l AIDS Conference

Hundreds of HIV-positive people disrupted the opening of the biennial International AIDS Conference in Vienna on July 18 by staging a massive die-in. Blogger Rod McCullom said the protesters “were calling attention to the decreased funding of HIV/AIDS programs by the G8 leaders, as well as the ‘slowing and scaling back (of) their commitments toward universal access to HIV care, treatment and prevention.’” The protesters said U.S. President Barack Obama’s new “National HIV/AIDS Strategy

Zimbabwean president at it again

Hundreds of HIV-positive people disrupted the opening of the biennial International AIDS Conference in Vienna on July 18 by staging a massive die-in. Photo by Kaytee Riek, Health GAP for the United States” contained no new funding for fighting the epidemic.

Gay marriage off to slow start in Portugal

Only about 20 gay or lesbian couples have gotten married in Portugal since it became possible June 7. Another 30 weddings are scheduled before the end of the year. Portugal has about 10.6 million residents. Meanwhile, two administrative changes have been made to resolve snafus encountered by same-sex couples. People who married in other countries before the Portuguese law took effect now will have their foreign marriages recognized. Previously, those marriages were not recognized but, at the same time, such couples couldn’t marry in Portugal because they were already married. The second change removed a require-

Zimbabwean President Robert Mugabe has lashed out at gays again. Speaking at a church event July 17, Mugabe said: “We say no to gays! We will not listen to those advocating the inclusion of their rights in the (upcoming new) constitution. Today, the Anglican Church condones marriages between men and the same for women. The Archbishop of Canterbury is blessing such marriages -- that is similar to dog behavior.”

Russia refuses to register marriage-equality organization

The Gagarin district court in Moscow on July 20 upheld the refusal of Russia’s Justice Ministry to register an organization pushing for recognition of same-sex unions. The ministry claimed it cannot officially approve Marriage Equality Russia because national law defines marriage as between a man and a woman, and the group’s objectives therefore “conflict with the laws of the Russian Federation.” Activist Nikolai Alekseev says MER may appeal to the Supreme Court, then the European Court of Human Rights. “The court has created a very dangerous precedent which goes much further than the campaign for gay rights, making it possible to deny registration to any organization whose purpose is to fight for changes in the Russian laws,” he said. Assistance: Bill Kelley

The first LGBT pride march on the Canary Islands’ Lanzarote took place July 17. About 250 people paraded through the streets of Puerto del Carmen accompanied by the fire department and an all-male drumming band. Lanzarote is the easternmost island of the Canaries, a part of Spain located about 125 km (75 miles) off the coast of Africa and 1,000 km (600 miles) from the Iberian Peninsula. Its population is 139,506. John Hein/ScotsGay photo

AUGUST 2010

Section 1: News & Politics

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An Interesting Convergence by Jonathan Wilson In the same issue of The Des Moines Register, July 9, 2010, two stories were reported. One told about the recent discovery of a pair of naturally occurring antibodies that are able to kill more than 90 percent of all strains of the AIDS virus. There have been promising developments before and incredible advances in treatment for those already infected, but in this article the successful researchers were forecasting the real potential for developing an effective vaccine against the virus. If there were any silver lining to the AIDS epidemic in the United States, it would have to be its influence upon the maturing of a more responsible gay community. First, it was learned that the best answer to the threat of AIDS, in the absence of a vaccine or cure, was monogamy and/ or consistently following safer practices in sexual intimacy; lessons that the breeder community would do well to learn. Second, and ultimately more important, it was learned that in order to get gay people to adopt those more responsible behaviors it was necessary to cultivate self-respect among members of the gay community. Folks taught to hate themselves, as often as not by organized religion, felt little incentive to act responsibly. People with little sense of self-worth are less inclined to the self-discipline needed to protect themselves against all sorts of risks. As bizarre and twisted as it should appear to any sane person, the message

from the churches has too often been that whether a gay person is responsible and in a committed, monogamous relationship, or utterly promiscuous, it’s a moral equivalent. Such “moral teaching” led inevitably to a remarkably common sense of self-loathing among members of our community, a sense that there was no reason not to eat, drink, and make merry—or, more accurately, “make” Tom, Dick, and Harry—for tomorrow we die. The bizarre twist lay in the resulting reinforcement of the churches’ attitude toward gay children of God. With a growing sense of self-worth—gay pride, if you will—our community has matured despite, not because of, organized religion. The other article reported that a federal judge came to the novel conclusion that the Equal Protection Clause of the United States Constitution actually means equal among all law-abiding citizens and, accordingly, struck down the federal, so-called Defense of Marriage Act. Politically true to form, candidate Branstad reiterated his support for “allowing the people to vote.” How would you like to have him as the proverbial sheriff when the lynch-mob showed up at the jail? How would you like a person of such character as Governor—“sheriff” of the state so-to-speak? Tellingly, neither he nor his right wingnut supporters tried to defend inequality on the merits or demerits—but rather, premised their statements on the

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It’s a story that’s universally told, and despite who’s doing whom (and with what), it’s about family and marriage and love and all the convolutions that affect each of those. Moore was sold before reading a script. Since watching High Art—a film she regretfully wishes she were a part of, but was never pitched—working with Cholodenko has been on her to-do list. “I love her movies so much because they really are about the way we kind of fall in love with each other, how we communicate, and the nature of relationships,” Moore says. “There’s never a lot of plot in her movies; it’s really just about what people mean to one another and how they’re trying to connect.” Here, they just happen to be lesbians.

ALL RIGHT Just because it exists, though, doesn’t mean the two-mom dramedy will fly with filmgoers; gay parents don’t get much play in popular cinema as it is. So how will audiences react to writer-director Lisa Cholodenko’s alt-family film in which the couple’s teenage children (Josh Hutcherson, who may be the next Spider-Man, plays their son; Mia Wasikowska, of Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland, their daughter) find their sperm donor (Mark Ruffalo) and begin to bond with him? The best test might be reactions to this scene: Bening and Moore’s characters get kinky with a vibrator and some vintage male-on-male Colt Studio porn. Eyebrows, though, might be raised for a totally different reason—like, do lesbians really get off to dudes doing the dirty? You’re not the only one wondering. Told that Cholodenko and musician Wendy Melvoin, her partner, switched some on when the mood struck, co-writer Stuart Blumberg says: “I was like, ‘OK, let’s just stop right there ... because I thought I knew a thing or two.’” Blumberg insisted that be worked into the screenplay, which took several years— because, he sarcastically gibes, “there were so many people dying to make a movie about 50-year-old lesbians”—before Focus Features picked it up for $5 million after its Sundance Film Festival premiere this year. When it finally screened, it charmed. People laughed ... hard. It’s Cholodenko’s first film since receiving tremendous critical, but not commercial, success with 1998’s seductive tragedy High Art and its successor, Laurel Canyon. But The Kids Are All Right, her five-year-in-the-making movie, might be her

more appealing “principle” of democratic decision-making. Fact is, it’s not the fault of our minority gay citizens that the term “marriage” was co-opted by the state as shorthand for access to a whole body of rights and privileges. Fact also is that the state shouldn’t be involved with the “marriage” of gay people or breeders. The state should confine itself to civil unions providing both groups with like access to the same rights and privileges— then whoever wants a religious “marriage” can shop around for a church willing to tie the knot for them, or form a church of their own to do the job. But I digress. The point is that the church has made hay denouncing as immoral the gay children of God, and cited for support examples of promiscuity among those it insidiously encouraged to be promiscuous (while ignoring reflections upon the heterosexual community arising from the well-deserved reputations of Mardi Gras and Spring Break). Then, when the gay community developed a sense of pride and self-worth, and unapologetically claimed the birth right to equality under the law, the church has fought tooth and nail against that shift toward responsibility and commitment. Taken together, those two articles—in the same issue of the newspaper—portend a certain “coming of age.” Access to the institution of marriage, and societal acceptance of same-gender commitments within that institution, are arriving just as the motivat-

From sperm to script Director Lisa Cholodenko on the set of her new film THE KIDS ARE ALL RIGHT, a Focus Feature release. Photo by Suzanne Tenner. mainstream launch-pad. Even she was aware that this tiny picture, shot in a tight 21 days, could be her golden ticket. Cholodenko wanted this to be a welcoming work, then. That meant she had to pander to a broader crowd; she couldn’t just have, much to the letdown of lesbians everywhere, Moore and Bening wielding dildos. Ruffalo would have to get naked (much to the agreement of gays everywhere) … and in bed with Moore. “In terms of accessibility and marketability, I’m not going to lie,” Cholodenko starts, absolutely shameless. “I think, sure, if that makes it easier for people to get with it, I’m OK with that.”

In a film where sperm was so important to the birth of the script, the topic can’t be ignored. And, no, Mark Ruffalo has never, ever donated. To that, he laughingly quips: “I think I wasted a lot of talent back then.” Blumberg, however, wasn’t throwing away any “talent”; he contributed some of his baby-making material while in college. That came up when he met Cholodenko, whom he knew only casually before running into her at an L.A. coffee shop while she was ill with writer’s block, trying to pen a project for the masses. She had the idea—two moms, a sperm donor, kids—but couldn’t get it on the page. Blumberg wanted what Cholodenko’s made a career of—an indie piece. The two met halfway. “It was fun writing with a straight guy— somebody who has a very different perspective on men and women and what it’s like out

ing threat of AIDS infection may be lost for good. Does the Lord work in mysterious ways or what? Jonathan Wilson is an attorney at the Davis Brown Law Firm in Des Moines, and chairs the First Friday Breakfast Club (www. ffbciowa.org), an educational, non-profit corporation for gay men in Iowa who gather on the first Friday of every month to provide mutual support, to be educated on community affairs, and to further educate community opinion leaders with more positive images of gay men. It is the largest breakfast club in the state of Iowa. He can be contacted at JonathanWilson@DavisBrownLaw.com or 515-288-2500.

in the world,” Cholodenko says. “For me, it was like any relationship. There were struggles, but it was a good one.” Good because Cholodenko took risks she’d never taken before as a filmmaker. This time, though, she let the ideas sitting in her imagination run onto the page—revealing the humor in the risqué bits that she otherwise would’ve left untouched. One such scene involves Moore and Ruffalo, who worked together previously on 2008’s sci-fi thriller Blindness, making whoopee during a hilarious sex scene. An irritated Cholodenko notes that the MPAA thought the from-behind banging lingered for just a little too long. It’s still memorable (very, very much so)—and more graphic than the lesbian bed romp, which might give some the sense that Cholodenko’s catering too much to mainstream moviegoers. And, well, she is. “We could deconstruct it and say, ‘How much is this male identified or straight?’ or we could just say, ‘This is this representation of this family and these two people and this is how they get their freaky-freaky on,’” the director defends. “I guess it’s a two-fold answer, which is: Yes, in a sense it was calculated to reach and be accessible and feel inviting for more people to come to, and not be disingenuous in my own experience and understanding of gay relationships.” But The Kids Are All Right also isn’t just about gay relationships—it’s about relationships. Period. The good, the bad, the ugly— family aspects that Blumberg and Cholodenko were determined to expose, regardless of the sex, or any other trivial part, of the parents. In agreement is Moore, who says, “A relationship is a relationship whether it’s

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Creep of the Week by D’Anne Witkowski Mike Huckabee

time. “You don’t go ahead and accommodate every behavioral pattern that is against the If I said, “Hey, remember that time ideal. That would be like saying, ‘Well, there you pictured Mike Huckabee and his wife are a lot of people who like to use drugs, having sex?” You might well reply, “I’ve so let’s go ahead and accommodate those never pictured that before, thanks a lot. who want to use drugs. There are some Ouch, my eyes.” people who believe in incest, so we should But you should know that Huckabee accommodate them. There are people who has thought about you having sex, and it believe in polygamy, should we accommogrosses him out. date them?’” Asked in a recent New Yorker interThat’s right. To Huckabee, being gay view why he opposes gay rights, Huckabee is the same thing as being a junkie or replied. “I do believe that God created male diddling your little sister or having a harem. and female and intended for marriage to After getting flack for these comments he be the relationship of the two opposite complained about people criticizing him sexes. Male and female are biologically for his “well known and hardly unusual compatible to have a relationship. We can views.” get into the ick factor, but the fact is two Just don’t call him a homophobe. “I’ve men in a relationship, two women in a had people who worked for me who are relationship, biologihomosexuals,” he tells cally, that doesn’t work New Yorker. “And To Huckabee, being gay The the same.” I don’t walk around Ah, yes. The whole is the same thing as being a thinking, Oh, I pity them “1 penis + 1 vagina junkie or diddling your little so much. I accept them = TLF” argument. In as who they are! It’s not other words, marriage sister or having a harem. like somehow their sin is defined by the After getting flack for these is so much worse than naughty bits. Huckacomments he complained mine.”Oh, how generous bee opposes marriage equality on the grounds about people criticizing him of him. But his “sin that, to him, penises for his “well known and hardly parity” claim is bullshit. touching are “icky.” After all, he’s already I’m sorry, but are unusual views.” made it clear that he we in third grade? defines gay people by His comment might, on some level, their sexuality alone. A sexuality he finds seem innocuous. After all, he said, “We sinful and, not incidentally, “icky.” So yeah, can get into the ick factor,” but he doesn’t. it actually does seem like he thinks that sin However, “the ick factor” has long been an “is so much worse than” his. anti-gay staple. Reducing gays to nothing I think it’s interesting that The New more than walking, talking sex freaks works Yorker quotes Brenda Turner, Huckabee’s wonders when it comes to denying said gays chief of staff from when he was governor, basic civil rights or anything resembling saying, “My personal feeling is what we human decency. don’t understand, we fear. And what we Huckabee doesn’t need to go into detail fear, we seek to destroy.” because “the ick factor” is well-established She’s not talking about homosexuality. homophobic code for “two guys having butt She’s talking about how exhausting it was sex,” often followed by, “with your kids.” to defend Huckabee from his critics, who This is, of course, not new territory lambasted him because he was an outsider, for Huckabee. When he was governor of misunderstood and dismissed as a hick. He Arkansas he was all for laws to ban gays was beat up by his opponents for not being from adopting or becoming foster parents. afraid to be himself. “Children are not puppies – this is not a So when he tells gays and lesbians time to see if we can experiment and find whose civil right he opposes, “It’s not out how does this work,” he said at the personal,” it’s awfully hard to swallow.

Bryan Fischer You know, it’s really a shame that so many gays and lesbians spend so much time in closets when really it’s the bedroom they aren’t supposed to come out of. Granted, that’s still not a lot of space, but compared to a closet it’s practically palatial. I mean, if you’re going to have to spend your entire life in hiding, it’d be nice to have enough room to lie down. And if it were up to the Traditional Values Coalition’s Bryan Fischer, you’d stay down. See, Fischer thinks that gays wouldn’t have so many problems if they’d just stay in their rooms and keep quiet. “You know, (homosexuals) always say, ‘Why do conservatives want to invade people’s bedrooms?’ The answer is we don’t,” Fischer said on his program Focal Point, which airs on American Family Radio. “You can do whatever you want in your bedroom, nobody is going to barge in, nobody is going to break down your door and arrest you in your bedroom.” Dude, ever heard of Lawrence v. Texas? You know, the case where cops barged in and arrested two men for having sex in their bedroom? Sure, the case overturned so-called “sodomy” laws, but there are currently folks at work in places like Texas and Montana who are trying hard to bring back laws that criminalize homosexual sex. Of course, homos only bring it on themselves. “You’re sticking it in our faces, you’re telling us we have to accept this, we have to normalize this, we have to sanction this, we have to promote it, we have to endorse it. If you would take your sexual behavior back in the bedroom, nobody would be bothering you,” he said. That’s right homos, go to your rooms! Like third graders. Not that gays should be allowed to have children, though. “We should not have same-sex couples adopting children,” Fischer said. “You’re deliberately placing kids in a home with a missing parent. This is a terrible thing to do to a child.” He also thinks that single parent households are “a mistake” and “a tragedy” that inflict harm on children. Yes, much better to let kids remain wards of the state. All you have to do is watch “Annie” to see that orphans actually have a lot of fun when they’re not mopping floors or saving stray dogs from a------- kids who probably come from one-man-onewoman families. Not only does Fischer say gays shouldn’t have kids, he also says that because many gays don’t have kids all they do is sit around and scheme about how to take over the whole world. “They do not have children to feed in the morning, they do not have children to take to school, they do not have children to take to soccer and Little League practice,” Fischer said. “They’ve just got time on their hands and that’s where they put it; they put it into pressing their political agenda.” That’s right. Gays are a bunch of conniving schemers plotting to snatch up foster kids to build their homo-sex army that will eventually take over and make the whole world one giant bedroom, with liberty and

gay sex for all. In Fischer’s dreams, at least.

National Organization for Marriage If you’ve been hearing air raid sirens ever since July 8, they’re likely coming from National Organization for Marriage HQ where everybody is freaking out about the Defense of Marriage Act being ruled unconstitutional by a federal judge. “As irrational prejudice plainly never constitutes a legitimate government interest, this court must hold that Section 3 of DOMA as applied to Plaintiffs violates the equal protection principles embodied in the Fifth Amendment to the United States Constitution,” declared U.S. District Judge Joseph Tauro. Obviously, Tauro hates marriage and wants to ruin it for everybody, but the bigger issue for anti-gay marriage foes is the fact that the case was lost in the first place. After all, the case in favor of DOMA was argued by the Department of Justice. Yes, Obama’s DOJ, which, not incidentally, includes Solicitor General Elena Kagan. You know, the Supreme Court nominee? Hoo boy, if you thought anti-gay conservatives opposed her before this ruling, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet. This all means, of course, that the Obama administration intentionally lost the case in order to make everyone in the country get gay-married. Besides, everyone knows that Obama is only in office to serve the radical “homosexual agenda.” At least that’s how the folks at the National Organization for Marriage see things. “Under the guidance of Elena Kagan’s brief that she filed when she was solicitor general, Obama’s justice department deliberately sabotaged this case,” shrieked NOM President Brian Brown. That’s right: sabotage. Why, Kagan might as well be a Russian spy. And how did she sabotage it? By including in the DOJ briefs that “this Administration does not support DOMA as a matter of policy, believes that it is discriminatory and supports its repeal.” Oh, snap! The way NOM sees it, poor little DOMA was all alone with nobody to protect it. “Only an incompetent defense could have lost this case,” said NOM’s Maggie Gallagher. “With only Obama to defend DOMA, this federal judge has taken the extraordinary step of overturning a law passed by huge bipartisan majorities and signed into law by Pres. Clinton in 1996,” Brown lamented. “A single federal judge in Boston has no moral right to decide the definition of marriage for the people of the United States.” Last time I checked, law wasn’t based on Brown’s definition of morality, but hey, I’m not a legal scholar. Also, quit acting like Bill Clinton is your BFF. And need I mention that 1996 was 14 years ago? That’s ages in the fight for lesbian and gay rights. We’ve come a long way, baby. Fewer and fewer people hate gays because they recognize that gay folks are human beings. Which means it’s harder for groups

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ALL RIGHT two women, two men, or a man and a woman ... or, ya know, a dog and a cat. And a longterm one is challenging and rewarding. At the end of the day, it’s a portrait of that—and of a family.”

Gay, straight—so what?

Sexuality wasn’t all Cholodenko was concerned about when she casted The Kids Are All Right. For Nic and Jules, the actors needed to unfurl the nuances to humanize these very flawed, very real people; she needed talent to radiate these roles—and who better than Bening and Moore, both Oscar nominees? “It was important to have actresses who had established themselves and were known and who we knew could pull this off,” Cholodenko says. “Were there actresses who were gay, whether they were out or not, that I felt (were) perfect for it? I absolutely would’ve considered them, but they (Moore and Bening) ended up being the right ‘men’ for the job.” This all happened, of course, before Newsweek published a controversial column that debunked gay actors in straight roles. Moore got fired up over the magazine’s piece: “We were talking (on set) a lot about the Newsweek story, about the f’ing asshole who made that comment about gay actors not being able to play straight,” she spews. “I’m like, ‘Excuse me, gay actors have been playing straight roles

for centuries. We’re acting.’” So will she pick up another issue? “I haven’t bought Newsweek—and I never will again.” Of course she’d go gay again, though— as long as the role’s right, that’s a no-brainer for the actress and 2004 GLAAD Media Award winner. She’s already done distraught housewife in The Hours—and kissed co-star Toni Collette. Just last year she lip-locked with Mamma Mia! actress Amanda Seyfried in the erotic Chloe—and again, with another woman in The Private Lives of Pippa Lee. Directors she’s worked with, including Tom Ford on 2009’s stylish life-and-death drama A Single Man (which also portrayed the gay union as simply a matter-of-fact), have been just as queer. “I don’t like to be divisive about people’s gender or sexuality or race or nationality,” Moore says. “People that I’ve worked with are telling stories, sometimes extreme stories, about what it is to be a human being, and I’m attracted to people with that kind of sensibility—whether they’re gay or straight or whatever.” That sensibility lured Ruffalo; his freewheeling dog of a donor dad goes from girls and motorcycles to—as the amiable actor, searching for the right word, calls him—a “lump.” In the film, he looks less like Jennifer Garner’s pretty boy in 13 Going on 30 and more tough and gruff. But even with a shaggy hairdo and gray-speckled scruff he throws off the same vulnerable charm that’s hard to resist in his The Kids Are All Right character, Paul. For most people, anyway.

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Left to right: Annette Bening, Julianne Moore, Josh Hutcherson, Mia Wasikowska, and Mark Ruffalo star in Lisa Cholodenko's THE KIDS ARE ALL RIGHT, a Focus Features release. Photo by Suzanne Tenner. During a TV interview the day before our sit-down, the female reporter ripped on the actor. As Ruffalo remembers, she said— seriously: “By the way, I’m a lesbian, so you lay off our women!” Shocked, he thought: “Are you kidding me? I support your women from head to toe. I am a lesbian!” Proof: He listens to Joni Mitchell. “Is Joni Mitchell lesbian music?” he obliviously inquires, after questioning his real-life music taste since he and Bening’s characters

bond over the hippie legend in the film. Lesbian-loved tunes might escape Ruffalo, but he’s at least clear on the kind of movie he’s in—and how un-gay its gayness is: “It’s a ‘lesbian movie,’ and we’re in the middle of this huge debate about gay marriage, but what I really loved about it was how quickly the novelty of gay marriage and the sperm donor just falls away.” That his clothes do, too, isn’t anything to complain about either.

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CREEPS like NOM to make convincing arguments that homos are coming after marriage on a search-and-destroy mission. In fact, it appears to be the other way around. “Does this federal judge want to start another culture war?” threatened Gallagher. “Does he really want another Roe. v. Wade?” She’s right, of course. The whole “gay marriage” thing hasn’t ever been a controversial issue until this ruling. Besides, as Gallagher helpfully points out, judges should make rulings solely to pacify rightwingers who want the right to dictate the personal lives of others in the name of Jesus. Gallagher vowed that NOM will prevail in higher courts. We’ll see. One thing is for certain: this fight isn’t even close to over.

Rick Santorum

A round of applause for Rick Santorum, everybody. What a brave, brave man. In his July 14 Philadelphia Inquirer column, Santorum congratulates himself for being such a courageous and relentless fighter against marriage equality. “Political consultants warn candidates to stay away from (cultural) issues because they are so personal and emotionally charged,” he writes. A weaker man might’ve taken such advice. Not Santorum. Take abortion, for example. “I simply could not square voting to permit the killing of an innocent baby in the womb with the Constitution I swore to

Section 1: News & Politics defend, the God I try to obey, or the people I pledged to serve,” he writes. Nor could he stand by and watch marriage be destroyed by homos. “Back in 2004, I was part of a small group of Republican senators that forced a floor vote on a motion to consider a constitutional amendment defining marriage as being between a man and a woman,” he reminisces. “We needed 60 votes to proceed; we fell just short of 50. Many senators who voted ‘yea’ privately castigated me for making them ‘walk the plank’ on such a tough issue.” You know, I’m pretty sure somewhere on Craigslist you can hire a guy to “privately castigate” you and make you “walk the plank,” if you know what I mean. (Do you? I don’t. It just sounds dirty.) Sexual predilections aside, the reason for Santorum’s sense of urgency was the 2004 Massachusetts Supreme Court ruling legalizing marriage for same-sex couples in the state. Marriage was clearly under attack, yet nobody seemed to care! “The response from Congress was scant and predictable,” he writes. “Almost every member of Congress said he or she personally supported the definition of marriage that had existed since the country was founded. But they expressed about as much commitment to righting the judicial wrong as those who say they are ‘personally opposed’ to abortion.” That’s right. Personal opposition is not enough. Dictating what you will and won’t do with only your own life is just lazy. Real commitment to an issue means doing your damnedest to dictate other peoples’ lives as well. The more personal and none-of-your-

f***ing-business the matter, the better. So just why was Congress so apathetic about the Massachusetts ruling? Santorum argues that they were lulled into complacency by the Defense of Marriage Act. Santorum knew better. And yet, the federal marriage amendment didn’t pass. And Santorum was voted out of office. And now a federal judge has ruled that DOMA is unconstitutional. DOMA was passed in a panic after Hawaii’s Supreme Court ruled in 1993 that gays should be allowed to get married there. “The concern (in the ‘90s) was that other courts, using the U.S. Constitution’s Full Faith and Credit Clause, would force other states and the federal government to recognize these judicially imposed marriages,” Santorum writes. OK, wait a minute. Santorum says he was worried that courts would use the Constitution to legalize marriage for gays and lesbians. This same Constitution he earlier said he used to justify his opposition to abortion. So it’s OK for Santorum to use the Constitution as a guide, but it isn’t OK for judges to use the Constitution as a guide—especially if they make legal rulings Santorum personally disagrees with. Got it. Sadly, even with DOMA on defense, Santorum doesn’t think anyone is doing enough to “save marriage.” “With the exception of a core group of conservatives, most politicians—including the president—continue to publicly back marriage while eagerly awaiting the day when judges will take this issue out of their hands. In this case, silence,” he writes, “is

AUGUST 2010 not golden; it’s yellow.” What a bunch of gay-marriage-loving pansies. Sickening. Incidentally, “golden showers” are also yellow, not golden. D’Anne Witkowski has been gay for pay since 2003. She’s a freelance writer and poet (believe it!). When she’s not taking on the creeps of the world she reviews rock ‘n’ roll shows in Detroit with her twin sister.

“I believe that the definition of marriage is between one man and one woman from a religious aspect. That is my belief. I have stated that. I always have believed that. … They can do civil unions. I think they can get to some of the same place that they want to look at. … But the bottom line is this is an extremely important issue, and I believe that Iowans have a right to speak on that.” — Kim Reynolds, GOP candidate for Iowa lieutenant governor, Tuesday, July 6th, 2010, at Carroll Pizza Ranch in Carroll, Iowa. Reynolds has since been criticized by social conservatives for “equivocating” on gay marriage and abortion.

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Our Picks for August

Deep Inside Hollywood by Romeo San Vicente A different View for Sara Gilbert

8/3-8/8, Mississippi Valley Fairgrounds, As The World Turns is 54 this year. And Davenport, IA: MISSISSIPPI VALLEY FAIR it’s being cancelled. But when networks close a door they open a window, which means 8/11 7:30pm, Civic Center of Greater Des something’s going to fly into that spare hour of programming. And what’s hot for daytime? Moines: The Irish Music phenomenon, Talk shows like The View, something CBS doesn’t have yet. So here comes a new crew of CELTIC WOMAN ladies for an as-yet-untitled talk show focusing on current events from the perspective 8/12-8/22, Clinton Showboat Theatre, of mothers. At the moment the lady-team includes Julie Chen, Holly Robinson Peete, Clinton, IA: Leah Remini, and gay audience favorites SUNDAY IN THE PARK WITH GEORGE like Hairspray’s Marissa Jaret Winokur and Sharon Osbourne and Roseanne’s Sara 8/12-8/22, IOWA STATE FAIR, Des Moines, IA Gilbert. Now 35, the former most-sardonicteen-on-television is now a mother of two her partner Allison Adler, and with Rosie 8/13 7:30pm, Holland Performing Arts Center with O’Donnell no longer on The View, it’ll be great to see a fresh lesbian mom perspective on a East Lawn (FREE): Music & Movies, network talk show again. Look for the show YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN to debut sometime in September or October and the quotes to start flying. 8/13-8/22, Sondheim Center for the Dustin Lance Black loves the Performing Arts, Fairfield, IA: BIG RIVER ‘Barefoot Bandit’ 8/14, Amana, IA: FESTIVAL OF THE ARTS 8/14 8pm Civic Center of Greater Des Moines: MELISSA ETHERIDGE 8/15, Cedar Falls, IA: CEDAR VALLEY CHAMBER MUSIC FESTIVAL 8/20, Orpheum, Sioux Falls, SD: BRANDI CARLILE 8/21, 12-3pm, Tassel Ridge Winery, Leighton, IA (reservations required): HARVEST CELEBRATION LUNCH 8/22, 3-6pm, Tabor Home Winder, Baldwin, IA: Dustin Lance Black MUSIC IN THE VINEYARDS Colton Harris-Moor found an unusual way to become famous. The alleged “Barefoot Bandit” is accused of stealing cars and 8/26-8/29, Iowa City, IA: 4th Annual planes across several states, living a life LANDLOCKED FILM FESTIVAL on the lam from the law. And because he’s young and not ugly, the criminal-turnedwww.LandlockedFilmFestival.org media-obsession has naturally become something of a folk hero/outlaw. So it was, 8/29, 1-5pm, The Lodge at Palisades-Kepler perhaps, inevitable that his story would eventually become a movie. Enter Milk State Park: GLRC PRIDE PICNIC screenwriter Dustin Lance Black and director David Gordon Green, who’ll approach 8/29, 4-6pm, Bayliss Park, Council Bluffs: the upcoming book, Taking Flight: The Hunt For a Young Outlaw, as source material for CBCA 3RD ANNUAL PICNIC the feature film version of Harris-Moor’s

…and September

9/16, Gallager Bluedorn, Cedar Falls, IA: JUDY SHEPARD, speaker

crime spree. Look for the finished product to explore Harris-Moor’s difficult, bullied childhood in an effort to make more sense of his mysterious break with society’s rules. And if it glorifies sociopathic behavior along the way? Well that’s just what Hollywood, isn’t it?

Whishaw and Ball bring Death to HBO Alan Ball has been very good for HBO—Six Feet Under still ranks among the cable network’s biggest hits, and True Blood is currently their dominant franchise—so it’s no surprise that the gay creator and the TV giant are keeping their relationship alive. Ball’s latest for HBO will require even more buckets of fake splatter: All Signs of Death is a darkly comic drama about a slacker who stumbles into a career as a crime-scene cleanup guy, only to tumble into his own murder mystery, complete with femme fatale. Based on Charlie Huston’s 2009 novel, The Mystic Arts of Erasing All Signs of Death, the show will star Ben Whishaw, the dreamy young Brit who’s set hearts a-flutter in Bright Star and Brideshead Revisited. HBO has committed to a pilot, which will shoot in late summer, using smaller-than-usual cameras to give the show that gritty, handheld look. Cross your bloody fingers it goes to series.

Glee busts out the fishnets for Rocky Horror episode

Oh Glee, just when we think you can’t get any gayer, you go and raise the stakes again. The big news coming out of the Glee panel at the recent San Diego Comic-Con was queer creator Ryan Murphy’s announcement that the Fox hit would do an episode built around the songs from The Rocky Horror Picture Show sometime during the second season. (During the panel, gay Glee co-star Chris Colfer mentioned his desire to sing “The Time Warp,” which led to Murphy’s bombshell. A set-up? You be the judge.) Lots of other cool tidbits were mentioned—the possibility of an all-Britney Spears episode, return appearances by Broadway divas Kristin Chenoweth and Idina Menzel, a religious-themed episode that will include Colfer’s Kurt going to see Mercedes (Amber Riley) sing at church and an Artie-Tina breakup. But Romeo’s favorite revelation came from Naya Rivera, who plays the wickedly hilarious Santana. She told the crowd that Brittany (Heather Morris) and Santana would kiss during Season 2… and that she wants their couple name to be “Santittany.” Nice. Romeo San Vicente is too distinctive to ever be a part of a mash-up couple name. He can be reached care of this publication or at DeepInsideHollywood@qsyndicate.com.

“I don’t think it will be a problem. I don’t ever really think of things as ‘out ‘or ‘in.’ I just think I am who I am, and when topics come up that are appropriate, I’ll talk about them and share when it seems right.” — Former “Roseanne” star, Sara Gilbert, after confirming she is a lesbian at a Television Critics Association press event.

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Partying Hard: The Shocking Truth About Tasers by Joshua Dagon Living in a major American city where a portion of the population makes very little money, I’ve noticed that certain individuals may at times resort to somewhat odd ways in which to acquire currency, such as collecting discarded soda cans for recycling, or wandering around intersections requesting that random strangers roll down their windows and hand them various amounts of cash—in the hope that the person will invest in deodorant, I’m sure—and, likely most effective, employing the illegal use of projectile weaponry to compel other citizens into relinquishing their wallets, jewelry, and other valuable items. At this point, the stolen articles are often taken to a pawn shop where the proprietors use intense psychological methods to determine the legitimacy of the transaction in which they are considering participation. “So… you say you found all of this in an unmarked box on the side of the road?,” says the pawn shop proprietor. “Yes,” says the party selling their found wares. “That happens to me all of the time.” “What kind of box was it?” “A square one.” “Wrong, you liar!” accuses the wise and responsible pawn shop proprietor. “Boxes are cubical, not square! You’re obviously a thief!” “Oh, my gosh, I should run now!” exclaims the newly identified thief. “He’s on to me!”

No, actually that never happens. “Do you have identification?” the pawn shop owner normally asks in an effort at be comprehensively respectable. “Such as a lottery ticket or a note from your mother?” “I have a grocery card,” answers the ware seller. “Which I found inside the box.” “Excellent! Sign here.” “I can’t. I’m wearing gloves.” “Ah, I understand. Disabled, eh? I’ll just handle that for you… there we go. Would you like twenties or smaller bills?” So, a couple of years ago, when I was mugged outside of a club by four teenagers who were, evidently, sharing a semiautomatic hand gun, I was relieved of my wallet and my cell phone, the teenage boys apparently not noticing the keys to my brand-new sports car in my left hand, which I was holding above my head—my keys, not the sports car—while two of the four young geniuses frisked me for, I’m assuming, loose change and/or spectacularly valuable pocket lint. Not rocket scientists, those four particular teenage boys. Add to that they must have noticed, at some point soon after the crime, my wallet contained less than twenty-five dollars in cash, which they then had to split between them, plus pay for the gasoline needed for the getaway car. Thus, the muggers, by using a gun in the commission of a felony, risked a minimum of ten years in prison for approximately five-dollars and sixty-nine cents each. Not brain surgeons, those four

particular teenage boys.

Oh, there was, of course, my cell phone, which was also stolen from me. Even so, I’m sure the muggers soon discovered that my particular brand of cell phone is normally featured in Burger King Kid’s Meals. Not physics engineers, those four particular teenage boys. Luckily, I was able to cancel my debit card before the criminals had the chance to determine it didn’t have enough money loaded on it to purchase a fast-food fruit pastry, which they would have had to split among the four of them. Not Wall Street brokers, those four particular teenage boys. The only thing that worried me was that these brilliant local criminals had taken my identification, which brazenly displayed my actual address, where they could have come and acquired far more valuable objects, such as my computer and stereo equipment as well as a signed, first edition hardcopy of Less Than Zero, worth several hundred dollars. “Hey look,” one of them would exclaim. “He has a signed, first edition hardcopy of Less than Zero, which must be worth several hundred dollars!” “Screw that!,” I’m sure another member of the gang would retort. “Grab that scented candle. It’s cinnamon apple.” While reporting this incident to the local police, I was asked if I had ever considered carrying a taser for protection—because of course a single, hand-held taser would be just so effective against four brainless dropouts using a weapon capable of piecing several of my crucial organs before I could so much as locate the “on” button. A taser is an electronic weapon that causes “neuromuscular incapacitation,” a process by which, I’m assuming, neuromuscles are incapacitated. A civilian model projectile taser called a “Taser Not Good Enough for Law Enforcement Type People,” was put on the market in 2009. That weapon is capable of overpowering up to three suspects without reloading, which would have been perfect in my

Novelist Joshua Dagon is the author of Into the Mouth of the Wolf, The Fallen, and Demon Tears. For more information, please go to www.joshuadagon.com. To contact Mr. Dagon, please e-mail him at jd@joshuadagon.com.

particular case right up until the getaway driver killed me with his car. Another option are “Drive Stun” tasers, which are used by pressing the business end of the weapon directly against the body of an assailant. This device is particularly useful when confronted by a single attacker or when, as happens all the time, several muggers line up politely for their turn. At a local swap meet, I discovered a booth selling “Drive Stun” or “Contact” tasers. They were all intriguing weapons that came with leather holsters. The holsters latch onto the owners body, preferably in a spot within easy reach during an attack, such as bound with electric tape to the right palm. One could, I suppose, use the holster to attach the weapon to one’s pants or belt. In such a case, however, be especially careful when also carrying a cell phone so that one does not accidentally answer their taser and experience incapacitated neuromuscles and perhaps involuntarily urinate while in Church. Really, though, one should always be considerate to others and silence their electronic weaponry while in church.

For those who care, and I understand if you don’t: Today I quit being a Christian. I’m out. I remain committed to Christ as always but not to being “Christian” or to being part of Christianity. It’s simply impossible for me to “belong” to this quarrelsome, hostile, disputatious, and deservedly infamous group. For ten years, I’ve tried. I’ve failed. I’m an outsider. My conscience will allow nothing else. … In the name of Christ, I refuse to be anti-gay. I refuse to be anti-feminist. I refuse to be anti-artificial birth control. I refuse to be anti-Democrat. I refuse to be anti-secular humanism. I refuse to be anti-science. I refuse to be antilife. In the name of Christ, I quit Christianity and being Christian. Amen. — Author Anne Rice, from her Facebook posts on July 28.

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The Outfield by Dan Woog

Hudson Taylor wrestles for gay rights

Hudson Taylor—one of the top 197-pound college wrestlers in the country—chastises his University of Maryland teammates whenever they use anti-gay language. He wrestled with a Human Rights Campaign sticker on his headgear, and donates each month to the organization. How gay is he? Not at all. He and his girlfriend will be married next year, when she finishes law school. Taylor is rarer in college sports than even openly gay athletes. He’s a strong male supporter of LGBT civil rights, someone who talks the talk, walks the walk, and does it in a sport so misunderstood that wrestlers often feel compelled to flaunt their own masculinity—by putting down others. “Wrestlers always get questions about grabbing each other,” Taylor says. “It’s not a sexual sport, but it looks like it. Some wrestlers think they need to show they’re ‘men.’” So they use words that Taylor won’t utter. “I hate that language,” he says. After being elected captain sophomore year—a rare honor—he realized he no longer worried what others thought of him. “Being captain freed me to speak and act as I thought fit,” Taylor says. He called out his teammates when they

used anti-gay terms. There was—and still is—some resentment. But, he says, “to be a successful team, everyone has to think of themselves as leaders. To be a leader, you have to be aware of differences—and respect those differences.” He traces his open-mindedness to his non-judgmental parents. That, says Taylor, allowed him to see others in “inclusive ways.” Religion is important, too. A relative was one of the first Christian missionaries in China. His mother went to a Bible college, and his sister attends one now. “That helps me bridge the gap,” Taylor says. “I talk with my parents about Bible verses, and about gay issues.” In high school Taylor recognized that people made “unnecessary divides” based on criteria like sexual orientation. But he also credits Blair Academy—a prestigious boarding institution—with exposing him to “lots of people with lots of different ideas.” On the Maryland wrestling team, Taylor says his greatest contribution was to promote “word consciousness. That’s the root of so many problems. People don’t realize how hurtful language can be. I speak out.” His message: “How we speak dictates how we act. And how we act dictates who we are.” The coaching staff has been very supportive. When a gay sports website

profiled him, his coaches asked if he wanted the interview cross-posted on the Maryland site. He decided against it—in part because life was already so hectic. The Outsports column swamped him with hundreds of e-mails. “I heard so many amazing, powerful stories,” he marvels. “Some of them made me cry. To me, my beliefs are not shocking; they’re part of who I am. But I was shocked that people were so moved by my position. I heard from kids petrified about coming out to their family, or thinking about killing themselves. That stuff was real.” This season—as a senior—Taylor put the HRC logo on his headgear. It was a difficult decision, and did not sit well with teammates. With regret, he removed the sticker. “At the end of the day, it’s about our team,” he says. “The crap I got took away from the message I wanted to send.” He found a much broader pulpit on Facebook. There, he says, “I can express exactly how I feel. I put up links and post videos. That’s reached a lot of people.” Inevitably, people call Taylor a closet case. He doesn’t care. “To be vocal, I had to break away from what people think about me,” he says. “If that’s where they want to take me, that’s their issue. This is about so much more than sexuality. It’s about people. I’m completely confident with who I am. That’s all that matters.” That confidence has taken Taylor far. This winter he won the ACC tournament, and placed fourth at the national championships. “I wanted to win, of course, but it’s a question of perspective,” he says. “Coming so close and not reaching my goal, it’s tough. But when I take a step back, I’m tremendously proud of what I accomplished.” Taylor is taking next year off. He hopes to coach at the college level, before heading to law school. Politics could be in his future. Taylor says, “I’m not overly confrontational. But I am very firm in my beliefs. I think I can bridge a lot of gaps.” Oh, yeah. There’s that little thing called a wedding coming up, too. So how does a gay rights activist propose to his girlfriend? Taylor did it after he and Lia Alexandra Mandaglio watched the movie “Milk.” He gave her a copy of Martin Luther King’s book “Why We Can’t Wait”—signed by the author. We could call that “really gay.” But in Taylor Hudson’s case, it’s just really, really cool.

Reading between the lines

They’re buried deep inside glossy media guides or in the middle of websites that take several clicks to reach. They’re usually succinct: “Coach So-and-So is married to (spouse’s name). They live with their (x number of) children in (insert town here).” Those brief lines say a lot. Their absence says even more. Most people who read coaches’ bios— sportswriters, avid fans, potential recruits and their parents—don’t give them much thought. But Austin Stair Calhoun has.

A doctoral student at the University of Minnesota, she developed two research studies examining the biographies of college head coaches. She wanted to see whether coaching bios reinforced heterosexism

Austin Stair Calhoun

in athletics—and how coaches who did not fit “heteronormative” patterns were portrayed. Calhoun did not just wander into her project. A media-relations professional, she had written coaches’ bios at Washington and Lee University and the University of Delaware. There was a pattern: Male coaches were often described as “single and living in (town name).” Women were not. She wanted to explore those differences. Working with Dr. Nicole LaVoi, associate director of the University of Minnesota’s Tucker Center for Research on Girls & Women in Sport, Calhoun looked first at the biographies of Big Ten varsity coaches. She coded ten items, ranging from gender of the coach and sport to personal information, such as hobbies, spouses, children and pets. All, she said, are “markers of traditional nuclear family narratives.” A second study included major Division I conferences, including the Big Ten, Pac-10, Big 12, SEC, ACC and Big East, as well as regionally representative Division III leagues. That study looked at over 1,900 biographies. The first study found no mention of any gay or lesbian partners. The second showed only two: a male head coach of the female softball team at Oregon State University and the female field hockey coach at Wake Forest. Though one hypothesis—that D-III schools, with less rigorous athletic demands and tamer recruiting battles, would be a more hospitable environment for openly gay coaches—was shattered, Calhoun looks at the glass as half full. “I think it’s fantastic that there are at least two college coaches who are openly gay in their bios,” she says. “At least we’re talking about it.” Calhoun also found something that wasn’t there. Over 35 percent of the coaches’ bios contained no information at all about spouses or partners. “It’s improbable to think that only 0.1 percent of coaches are gay or lesbian,” she says. “There are people who are out in many facets of their lives. They’re just not out in TTOUTFIELD continued page 28

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ACCESSline’s STATEWIDE Recurring Events List The following list is provided by—and corrected by—ACCESSline readers like you. If you would like to add an event, or if you notice a mistake in this list, please email editor@ ACCESSlineIOWA.com. Interest Group Abbreviations:

L: Lesbian G: Gay B: Bisexual T: Transgender D: Drag +: HIV-related M: General Men’s Interest W: General Women’s Interest A: General Interest K: Kids and Family

Sunday

1st and 3rd Sunday of the Month, TANGO LESSONS AT CSPS, 3-6pm, at 1103 3rd St. SE, Cedar Rapids. Cost is $5. Everyone welcome; no partner or experience necessary. For more info, call Elie at 319-363-1818 or e-mail epsa@aol.com. [LGBTMWA] Every Sunday, GLBT AA, 5-6pm, at First Baptist Church at 500 N. Clinton St., Iowa City. For more info about Intergroup and Alcoholics Anonymous call the 24-Hour Answering Service at 319-3389111 or visit the AA-IC website: http://aa-ic.org/. [LGBTMWA] Every Sunday, L WORD LIVES: L NIGHT, 7PM, at the Firewater Saloon, 347 South Gilbert St., Iowa City, 319-321-5895. The night will start with Season 1, Episode 1 of the L Word... because a good thing should never die. FoLLowing the L Word wiLL be a Drag King show at 9:30pm No cover. Tel, 319321-5895. [ L B T W D ] Every Sunday, THE QUIRE: EASTERN IOWA’S GLBT CHORUS REHEARSALS, 6-8:30pm, at Zion Lutheran Church, 310 N. Johnson St., Iowa City. Membership is open to all GLBT folks, as well as allies who support the community. There are no auditions; you only need to be willing to attend rehearsals regularly and learn your music. The Quire prepares two full concerts each year in the winter and spring, and occasionally performs shorter programs at events in the Iowa City/Cedar Rapids area. The Quire is a member of Gay and Lesbian Association of Choruses (GALA), and has developed a reputation for excellence and variety in its concert programs. For more info, visit http:// www.thequire.org/. [ L G B T M W A ] Every Sunday, QUEER GUERRILLA BRUNCH, Locations around Iowa City to be announced each week. LGBTQIs & Allies gather for Sunday brunch to celebrate community and create visibility. Sign up for future brunches on Facebook at http://www. facebook.com/group.php?gid=120517046371 [ L GBTMWA] Every Sunday, RAINBOW AND ALLIED YOUTH, 8-11pm, The Center, 1300 Locust, Des Moines, IA 50309. Social group for Queer youth 25 years and under [ L G B T ]

Monday

1st 2nd Monday of the Month, IOWA PFLAG NORTH IOWA CHAPTER MEETING, 7pm, at First Presbyterian Church, 100 S. Pierce St., Mason City. Meetings are held the First and Second Monday (alternating) of the month. For more info, call 641583-2848. [ L G B T M W A K ] 1st Monday of the Month, IOWA PFLAG QUAD CITIES CHAPTER MEETING, 6:30pm, at Eldridge United Methodist Church, 604 S. 2nd St., Eldridge. For more info, call 563-285-4173. [ L G B T M W AK] 4th Monday of the Month, IOWA PFLAG WAUKON/NORTHEAST CHAPTER MEETING, 7pm, First Lutheran Church, 604 West Broadway Street , Decorah, IA 52101. in the Fellowship Hall at First Lutheran Church, Decorah. 604 West Broadway Street. (563) 382-2638‎ [ L G B T M W A ] Every Monday, DES MOINES GAY MEN’S CHORUS REHEARSALS, 7-9:30pm, Plymouth Congregational Church, 4126 Ingersoll Avenue, Des Moines, IA . For more information about singing with the Chorus, contact Rebecca Gruber at 515865-9557. The Des Moines Gay Men’s Chorus does not discriminate on the basis of sexual orientation. [GMA]

Every Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday, HAMBURGER MARY’S WEEKLY HAPPENINGS at 222 Glenbrook Dr. SE, Cedar Rapids, off of 1st Ave. Mondays – Charity Bingo at 8pm with a special guest hostess; Tuesdays – Kid’s Night; Wednesdays – Game Night; Thursdays – Mary-oke with Nic from 9pm to 1am; Fridays – Drag Show at 9pm (all ages) and 11pm (21 and over); Saturdays – Open Mic Night followed by Drag Show at 9pm (all ages) and 11pm (21 and over). For more info, email hamburgermaryscr@mchsi.com or visit www. hamburgermaryscr.com. [ L G B T M W A K D ] Every Monday Wednesday Thursday Saturday, GLBT ONLY AA MEETINGS IN DES MOINES, 6pm - SAT 5pm, at 945 19th St. (east side of building, south door). [ L G B T M W A ]

Tuesday

2nd Tuesday of the Month, IOWA PFLAG AMES CHAPTER MEETING, 7pm, Youth and Shelter Services Offices, 420 Kellogg Ave., 1st Floor, Ames, IA 50010. Meets in the Paul Room of Youth and Shelter Services at 420 Kellogg Avenue, Ames. For more info, call 515-291-3607. [ L G B T M W A K ] 2nd Tuesday of the Month, GLRC OF CEDAR RAPIDS BOARD MEETING, 6:30-8pm, Cedar Rapids, IA . at 6300 Rockwell Dr, Cedar Rapids. Meetings are open to the general public. For more info, call 319-366-2055 or visit: http://www.crglrc. org/. [ L G B T M W A ] 2nd Tuesday of the Month, SPIRITUAL SEEKERS, 7-8:30pm, Iowa City, IA . at Trinity Episcopal Church, 320 E. College St, Iowa City. Spiritual Seekers is a group for people of all faiths, or of little faith, who wish to make deeper connections between their sexual identities and the spiritual dimension in their lives. Meetings include discussion of specialized topics, telling of pieces of our faith journeys, and occasional prayer and meditation. (On the 4th Tuesday of each month, the group gathers at a local restaurant for food and fellowship.) For more info, contact Tom Stevenson: tbstevenson@mchsi.com or 319.354.1784. [ L G B T M W A ] Every Tuesday, OUT (OUR UNITED TRUTH): A GLBT SUPPORT GROUP, 7-8:30pm, Peoples Church Unitarian Universalist, 600 3rd Avenue Southeast, Cedar Rapids, IA 52401. For more info, call 563-359-0816. [ L G B T M W A ] Every Tuesday, ACE INCLUSIVE BALLROOM, 7-8:30pm, Old Brick, 26 East Market Street, Iowa City, IA 52245. All skill levels are welcome. American social dance, Latin, a mix of dance from the last 100 years. For more info, contact Mark McCusker at iowadancefest@gmail.com, 319-621-8530 or Nora Garda at 319-400-4695, or visit http://iowadancefest.blogspot.com/. [ L G B T M W A ] Every Tuesday, ARGENTINE TANGO, 7:30-9:30pm, Iowacity/Johnson Co Senior Center, 28 South Linn Street, Iowa City, IA 52240. Practice and open dance. A donation of $1-2 per person is requested for use of the Senior Center. For more info, contact Karen Jackson at 319-447-1445 or email kljedgewood@msn.com. [ L G B T M W A ] Every Tuesday, KARAOKE IDOL, 9pm, Studio 13, 13 South Linn Street, Iowa City, IA 52240. Drink specials and great competition! Visit www. sthirteen.com. [ L G B T M W A ] Every Tuesday, ACE HAS FACE THE MUSIC & DANCE, 7-9pm, 26 E Market St, Iowa City, IA 52245. All skill levels are welcome. Tango, Waltz, Disco, Country, American social dance, Latin, a mix from the last 100 years. Join on Facebook at http://www. facebook.com/group.php?gid=372454708295. For more info, contact ACE experiment at 319-8538223. [ L G B T M W A ] First and Third Tuesday, YOUTH FOR EQUALITY, 4-6pm, The CENTER, 1300 W Locust St, Des Moines, IA 50309. A service and action group for youth who identify as LGBTQI and their allies. Open to all students in grades 5 through 12. [ L G BTMWA]

Wednesday

1st Wednesday of the Month, CEDAR RAPIDS CHARTER CHAPTER OF THE AMERICAN BUSINESS WOMEN’S ASSOCIATION, For more info, visit charter-chapter.tripod.com. [ L W ]

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Janis Ian headlines Iowa Women’s Music Festival at 17 IOWA CITY — The 17th Annual Iowa Women’s Music Festival, produced by Prairie Voices Productions, is gearing up for three amazing days of women in music September 16-18 in Iowa City. Appropriately themed “At Seventeen,” this year’s festival is proud to feature the legendary Janis Ian. Ian paved the way for female singer-songwriters with her first Top 40 hit, Society’s Child, in 1967, and she released her Grammy-winning classic At Seventeen in 1975. She’s been a prolific recording artist ever since and routinely sells out venues across the U.S. to this day. The Iowa Women’s Music Festival is one of the longest continuously running festivals featuring women performers in the country, eclipsed most notably by the National Women’s Music Festival and Michigan Womyn’s Music Festival, both of which turn 35 this year. Taking after the quality of these festivals, Prairie Voices Productions has worked to bring some exceptional music to Iowa City over the years, including Joan Baez, Sweet Honey in the Rock, Laura Love, Ruthie Foster, and last year’s headliner, Michelle Shocked. There is entertainment for everyone at the IWMF: folk, pop, rock, country, Americana, hip-hop, spoken word, acoustic blues, soul, and alternative music, as well as provocative performance art. From an Internet mega celebrity, to a feminist violin virtuoso, to multilingual world folk-rockers, the eclectic line-up features it all. Accessibility is the aim of the IWMF, and for the third year, the festival events will provide American Sign Language (ASL) interpretation for the deaf and hearingimpaired. All performances will be open to the public, with most being free of charge or “sliding scale / pay-what-you-can.” The 2010 IWMF kicks off with a mind-

blowing, eye-popping multi-act show on Thursday, September 16 at 8 p.m. at The Englert Theatre, 221 E. Washington St. in Iowa City. IWMF’s opening night features Ames, Iowa performance artist/comedic satirist/gem sweater queen/YouTube phenomenon Leslie and the Lys, paired for the first time ever with Bitch, outspoken alt-folk musician (the violin is her weapon) and poet. Popular Minneapolis-based band Caroline Smith and the Goodnight Sleeps open the show. Tickets are available for $16 at the Englert, by phone at 319-688-2653, or on-line at www.englert.org. The Blue Moose Tap House, 211 Iowa Ave. in Iowa City, is the place to be when Iowa Women’s Music Festival showcases some of the best local female musicians for our Anniversary Party on Friday, September 17. On tap are Lojo Russo, The Vagabonds, Sarah Cram and the Derelicts, Natalie Brown, Kelly Carrell, and more. A sliding-scale cover charge will be requested at the door and all donations will benefit the 2010 Iowa Women’s Music Festival. The festival’s traditional main event, TTIWMF continued page 24

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AUGUST 2010

Hear Me Out by Chris Azzopardi Scissor Sisters, Night Work

CEDAR AIDS SUPPORT SYSTEM

Since rolling out the high-camp glam on their six-year-old debut, Scissor Sisters have been irresistibly cheeky. Seriously— check out that clenched ass close-up on the cover of the New York foursome’s disco-new wave third album, their ebullient follow-up to 2006’s Ta-Dah. It’s set in motion with the robo-strobing total club cut “Night Work,” a positive ode to ... prostitution? Who knows, but it doesn’t really matter since it’s a hoot-and-a-half— drenched in frontman Jake Shears’ falsetto and electric guitar doodles. The party keeps hoppin’ with the flirty, psychedelic punch of “Whole New Way,” dropping smutty innuendo about rubbers and “big surprises,” and “Any Which Way,” a sharp, siren-started partier with some menacing laughs, shrieks and a frisky spoken-word bit from groupie Ana Matronic. Elsewhere, they go for big, uplifting ballad-turned-dance anthem on

“Fire with Fire,” perhaps the most mainstream they’ve ever sounded; give Sir Ian McKellen a spot on the dark, atmospheric lead single, “Invisible Light,” and offer a homicidal sequel to their last LP’s “I Can’t Decide” with the thrusting second-best “Sex and Violence.” Elton John, Erasure and maybe even Cyndi Lauper (hey, aren’t those her trademark hoots on “Skin Tight”?) sound like main players on this slutty throwback project, but actually, if Scissor Sisters become as big as they deserve to be with this, a career best, co-producer Stuart Price is the man to thank. And, yeah, maybe that ass. Grade: B+

Robyn, Body Talk Pt. 1

2005’s self-titled synth-pop CD. And now comes “Dancing On My Own,” the introductory single—a dynamic disco downer that’s powerful and devastating and one of the year’s best—from the first chapter in this three-part _Body Talk_ series. The song’s so revolutionary—such a smart piece of sad dance-pop that unites rejection and self-love—that it rivals her wonderful “With Every Heartbeat.” Cued from cuts on its predecessor, this tease of a disc—at only eight tracks—would’ve fit snuggly on her comeback LP: she spits some slick verses over the electro squiggles of the inescapable “Fembot”; monotonously intones word repetitions over a booming bassline on “Don’t Fucking Tell Me What to Do”; and, with the ska-flavored “Dancehall Queen,” gets fantastically funky. Robyn’s no binary machine, though. Her feelings are all human: the hooky pop pleasure “Cry When You Get Older” is a wise-up anthem and “Hang With Me” is a lonely, heart-on-sleeve lament. Piano, swelling strings and lots of vulnerability—the latter makes Robyn’s heart talk as loud as her body. How can you not show her love? Grade: B+

Also Out

No one lately does down-in-the-dumps dance better than Robyn—the Swedish “Show Me Love” singer who beat the onehit-wonder odds with her finest work,

Kelis, Flesh Tone Her “Milkshake” brought all the boys to the club, and now all these R&B-free jams should do the same. But even though there are razzmatazz beats booming and bopping with their techno tone, there’s only so much Chicken Soup for the Dance

Soul a person can handle—songs “Brave” and “Emancipate” pretty much say it all. Many of the nine though, especially the Madge-made “4th of July (Fireworks),” are undeniably hooky without trying to be the next big thing.

Indigo Girls, Staring Down the Brilliant Dream Just as they hit the road again, the duo releases their second live album—a deluxe 31-song set that gleans from several recent years on the road. Many ditties are culled from the last decade, but they don’t ditch fan faves like “Closer to Fine,” given a new spin with some guest vocals. They even throw in a wonderful reading of the Rolling Stones’ “Wild Horses” to close out the collection. As cool as they come, the Indigo Girls live is just how they were meant to be heard.

Kele, The Boxer The out Bloc Party frontman—all made over into a manly muscle beast—goes easy on the band’s moodiness, leaning toward a more motivational sound on his solo CD. That’s the spirit of “Walk Tall,” the boot-camp chant starter that riffs off a saw-sounding drone. Some seems too much like electro-pop 2.0, but taking risks rewards him on “Everything You Wanted,” the album’s most immediate moment, and the lifting “Yesterday’s Gone.” If Kele is moving on as rumor has it, this is a pretty solid start. Chris Azzopardi can be reached at chris@pridesource.com.

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AUGUST 2010

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the fun guide

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The Gay Wedding Planner by Beau Fodor Two Oppisite Ends of the Gay Weddings Spectrum The first weekend of July 2010 is one I’ll never forget. Four grooms truly changed my life. For the better… The love and commitment to each other was the same, but the weddings could not have been more different:

extremely humbling to see the Marines cry. (I was in the Navy, as a medic, and worked on Marines, OMG, they like NEVER cry!) Anyway, the party of five left the ballroom very quietly—but truly joyous, to say the least—and headed southwest to Branson, Missouri, to their honeymoon they’ve waited 30 years for. Then, just three hours later...

Robert D. and Robert D.

On July 3, 2010, at 2:00 pm, Robert D. Hoch and Robert D. Hamilton, of Tulsa, Oklahoma, were happily married in a candle-lit ballroom in the Des Moines Marriott, downtown. They met 30 years ago, while in the Marines, during Robert D. Hoch and Robert D. Hamilton, of Tulsa, Oklahoma, combat in Grenada. married at the Marriott, downtown Des Moines, July 3, 2010. I was in awe of their patriotism in picking the 4th of July weekend to marry one another. They said, “It took awhile, having already been married and had children, and then raising them and all, but it was worth the thirty-year wait.” Oh, and that they wanted something simple. Very simple. For about $500.00. (Yes, I gasped out loud.) Creativity (and 150 tea-light votives!) can go a long way in But I then sucked it up making a simple celebration something memorable. and said I’d think of something for them. (“Simple ole Brokeback-style, we’ll call it,” they actually said.) Well, I had my work cut out for me, The wedding of Louis Allyn Dixon, Jr. but 150 tea-light votives can go a long and Michael Paul Pagano on Saturday, July way, and it could not have been more 3rd, 2010 in Des Moines, Iowa at 6pm was “stunningly simple,” in every sense of both honestly the most FABULOUS gay wedding words. Officiant Tim Lord was eloquent I’ve ever had the privilege to be a part of. It and moving in the simplest of ceremonies. was like out of a movie! (And now will hopeVows were brief, but DEEP and the entire fully launch a television series!!!) wedding felt very profound to me. Three The festivities of the wedding day began family members who made the fourteen- at the Top of the Plaza with a heartfelt brunch, hour trip, “stood up” for them and it was followed by the most elegant afternoon

Allyn and Michael

champagne reception at Stuart Alexanders’ residence. The ceremony began promptly at 6pm, with a faint drizzle of rain, making everyone nervous, but the storm passed by. Joel Anderson sang “I’m Yours” by Jason Mraz. The Reverend Tim Diebel officiated beautifully. Mz. Claire Matthews sang “You’ll Never Walk Alone” by Rodgers and Hammerstein. The reception was a whirl-wind of non-stop of Old Miami Beach grandeur, as Stuart Alexanders’ “One Source Events” environmentally and visually blew us away!!! And Tyler Riddle sure knows how to light up a tent! Caterers Scott Blakely and Doug Boster, out of Dallas, Texas, raised the bar for catered foods in Des Moines and presentation is everything. Beau Fodor is an Iowa wedding planner The food tables were to die for! And those who focuses specifically on weddings for mini-mojito cupcakes, oh, my god!!! ( I saw the LGBT community. He can be reached a local attorney eat six!) through iowasgayweddingplanner.com or Cee Cee Russell, Dominique Diva Moore, gayweddingswithpanache.com. and the “hostess with the mostess”, Muffy Rosenberg sparkled and dazzled like I’d never seen before! True service professionals in every sense of the word. I am humbled by the kindness the families of these grooms, before, during, and after the nuptials, as they dealt with everything with humor and kind-heartedness. True hospitality was their only concern and focus, as well. I remember feeling Louis Allyn Dixon, Jr. and Michael Paul Pagano, less than perfect (hate married on Saturday, July 3rd, 2010 in Des Moines that!) about misspelling Allyns’ name on the handmade Champagne Reception invites and a gracious Southern belle assured me they were pretty enough to get away with it. Even the drama of the missing wine glasses was overcome by the brutally handsome and sweet-natured bartenders, who totally rocked! Honestly, the grooms should live happily ever after, because it was a fairytale wedding. As Michael said the very next day, “I would say it was the wedding of my dreams, but I never dreamed anything like this! It was magical, a combination of over-the-top Felliniesque theatricality and the suntanned sexy style of a Even the drama of the missing wine glasses was overcome by the brutally handsome and sweet-natured bartenders… posh Miami nightclub.”

“I’m concerned with [her ability] to defend the Defense of Marriage Act [as solicitor general] … How do we believe that she’ll uphold a law as a Supreme Court justice when she disagrees with that law?” — Sen. Chuck Grassley (R-Iowa) regarding US Supreme Court nominee Elena Kagan, July 20, 2010

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AUGUST 2010

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Cocktail Chatter by Ed Sikov The Return of the Screw

Dan and I opened our house in Fire Island Pines in March, when it was still frigid. We drank Jamesons for a few weeks, no ice. (You know it’s cold when Dan drinks anything stronger than an aperitif.) Our housemates began showing up the last weekend in April, when Dan had to be in Dallas for yet another neuroscience conference. So it was just Craig, the plump paralegal; Paolo, the sharp-as-a-razor marketing executive who grew up in Milan and L.A.; and cute little baby hunk Kyle, one of “the puppies.” His equally buff playmate, Robbie, had to go to a family event somewhere across the Hudson. (Iowa? Indiana? Idaho? Nobody was sure.) And me. The little gourmet grocery in the Pines had just opened and many of the shelves were still empty. The cramped but well stocked liquor store, on the other hand, offered everything—the owner knew his market. Still, I decided to open the season with the freshest, juiciest and simplest of all mixed drinks—the screwdriver. With only two ingredients (not counting the ice), the screwdriver lends a nutritious aura to what is basically an easy-to-take vehicle for vodka. It was with screwdrivers that I started my now-medicinally-indispensable journey into DrinkieLand back in high school; now on the downhill slope of middle age, we often served them at brunch. And yet a bitter groan of disappointment rang out from the housemates when I announced le cocktail du weekend. I countered that with me as the driver, this was a screw they’d never forget. The groans turned into derisive snorts. “How many cocktails are named after tools?” Paolo asked, shifting the subject mercifully away. “The Rusty Nail!” Kyle shouted as though he’d just found gold in California. “A nail is not a tool. It’s a fastener,” I crassly informed him. “How about ‘getting hammered’?” Craig suggested. “That’s not a tool either,” Paolo said. “It’s your autobiography.” “Boys, boys, settle down,” I said over the laughter. “Who wants to learn the historical origins of the screwdriver?” Paolo suddenly had a cell phone call to place from the outside deck. Craig said, “I’ve got laundry going” and left, shaking the house to its pilings as he made his way out the sliding doors. “I do,” Kyle said sweetly.

“Good boy,” I answered as though he was a dachshund. My cheeks reddened. Oh, God—I was training him! “The legend is, there were these American construction workers in the late 1940s who went to the Middle East to build stuff for the shah or the sheik or the sultan or somebody. Muslims don’t drink alcohol, so the Americans furtively spiked their canned orange juice with vodka and stirred it in with their screwdrivers.” “Wow,” said Kyle. “I had a Comfortable Screw once back home in Tulsa.” “I bet you did,” I thought with an evil inner leer. What I actually said was, “Yeah— Southern Comfort and orange juice. Too sweet for me. Besides, the only person who could get away with drinking that swill was Janis Joplin, and she did it by drinking it straight from the bottle.” “Janice who?” “Never mind.” Paolo and Craig reappeared the instant I tap-tapped the pitcher of vodka-laden OJ. Rooting around the liquor cabinet, Craig found a forgotten, almost empty bottle of Orange Curaçao and dumped it in the pitcher before I could stop him. I must admit, it wasn’t bad. Cointreau and Grand Marnier would work, too. But go easy.

The Screwdriver:

• 3 parts fresh-squeezed orange juice—it’s worth the higher price for this cocktail.

• 1 part Absolut

• ¼ part or less orange liqueur • Ice. Pitcher. Glasses, preferably tall.

Snobs invent Fire Island Iced Tea Six of us were lined up in beach chairs judging the gym rats on parade at the water’s edge. “Why does that guy have ‘Bondi’ printed on his ass?” I inquired. “I love Make Way for Tomorrow, too, but it’s a strange film to be referenced on a musclehead’s butt.” “It’s not Beulah Bondi, darling. It’s Bondi Beach in Australia.” This came from my partner, Dan, who then turned on me: “Did you hear what Dr. Film Studies just said?” he trumpeted to the others, who made snorting noises at my expense. Jack Fogg yawned, stretched, and said, “Let’s make Long Island Iced Tea.” “You would drink that,” his boyfriend Sammy replied.

Jack became defensive: “What’s wrong with Long Island Iced Tea?” “People will think we’re from Massapequa,” Chipper explained. “Or Hicksville,” Paolo added. “Can you imagine saying you’re from Hicksville? You might as well be from East Jesus.” I agreed. “We’re making ‘Fire Island Iced Tea’ because we’re on Fire Island, not Long Island.” “What’s in it?” Sammy asked. “We’re inventing it,” I declared. “What should be in our drink?” “Lots of fruits,” said Dan. “And lots of alcohol,” Paolo added. “It needs a fire component,” Chipper said. “What tastes hot?” I had an inspiration: “Absolut Peppar!” Chipper got into the spirit(s): “And Citron for the fruit. And Orange Curacao. And your inevitable lime juice.” “Why do you always have Orange Curacao?” asked Jack, the reporter. He was prone to interviewing people, which irritated me, so I answered, “Because Blue Curacao turns an orange Screwdriver the color of vomit.” “Aha,” said Jack, buying my made-up reason. I’m dementedly jealous of Jack, so I put a notch on the Ed vs. Jack scoreboard I keep in my head. Michelangelo’s David strolled by. “What can we add to represent him?” Dan asked. “Coke Zero!” Sammy shouted to our communal delight. The poor, perfect hunk thought we were laughing at him and glared.

We tried a few recipes before we found one that worked, which meant we were hammered by dinnertime. I grilled the Lemon-Dill Lamb-burgers to death. Dan burned the buns. But Paolo, always under control, pulled off a lovely Caprese Salad, and since we bought a peach pie from the grocery store, dessert was fine. “Where do these great pies come from?” I once asked the Long Island teenager behind the counter. “Poh’t Jeff!,” she answered, meaning Port Jefferson. The accent alone proved why we had to have an “Iced Tea” of our own.

Fire Island Iced Tea

• 2-parts Absolut Peppar • 2-parts Absolut Citron • 1-part Beefeater • 1-part cup tequila • 1/2-part Orange Curacao • 1-part or 1/3-cup unsweetened lime juice • 3-parts Coke Zero or soda of your choice Fill a tall glass with ice and add liquors and lime juice. Pour soda in gently to keep the fizz. Note: The conventional drink is called “Iced Tea” because the cola turns the white liquors tea-colored. But I prefer Limonata, the Italian lemon soda, which makes the drink taste like spicy lemonade. Use what you like, and don’t worry about what color the result is. If it looks gross, put it in an opaque plastic cup, stick a straw in it, and nobody will know the difference. Ed Sikov is the author of Dark Victory; The life of Bette Davis and other books about films and filmmakers.

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Hollywood is coming to Eastern Iowa

AUGUST 2010

Our Lesbian Brokeback: The Kids Are All Right

by Kathy Wolfe, Founder & CEO of Wolfe Leading actor and writer/director of the new romantic gay comedy “Is It Just Me?” to appear at Landlocked Film Festival

Nicholas Downs stars in the new romantic comedy IS IT JUST ME. He will be in Iowa City with writer/director JC Calciano on Friday, August 27 at the Landlocked Film Festival. Hollywood is coming to Eastern Iowa. (Adam Huss) is a sexy go-go dancer—and No, not just a film from the L.A. area, but that’s the guy Xander is expecting to see. the star and director of the romantic gay Blaine persuades his roommate to pose as comedy, Is It Just Me, will attend the Land- him during the date until he can win over locked Film Festival in Iowa City, Iowa. Come Xander with his wit and charm. It’s Blaine’s and join the movie’s leading actor Nicholas brain versus Cameron’s brawn as love blosDowns and writer/director JC Calciano at soms within this threesome. the historic Englert Theatre Downs, gay in real life, in Iowa City on Friday is not new to the screen. He evening, August 27, 2010 has played in guest spots for the Iowa premiere of on television’s Cold Case this award winning film. and The Guardian and has In the film, Blaine also played in more promi(Nicholas Downs), a typical nent roles in Pearl Harbor young gay man, is looking and The Girl Next Door. for love. Enter Xander Downs grew up Iowa and (David Loren), the man of is thrilled to be returning his dreams. After meeting to his home state. Downs in an online chat room, was in Iowa City last year they quickly fall for each for the Iowa premiere other and start a virtual of 16 to Life, which sold relationship. Before long, out to a standing room they decide to meet faceonly crowd at the Englert to-face. But in Blaine’s Theatre at the Landlocked David Loren as Xander world, nothing comes easy. Film Festival. He discovers he’s been chatting with his For full details on the Landlocked new online boyfriend under his roommate Film Festival and Is It Just Me, visit llff.org Cameron’s profile. The problem is, Cameron and isitjustmethemovie.com.

SScontinued from page 15

IWMF the “Day Stage” in Iowa City’s Upper City Park, comes to life on Saturday, September 18 at noon and continues until approximately 6 p.m. The non-stop stage lineup includes (in reverse order) headliner Janis Ian, the Chris Pureka Band, Ruth King, Desdamona with Carnage, Mary McAdams, and a singer-songwriter round-robin with Rae, Emily Louise and Jenny Kohls. Highenergy emcee Kim-Char Meredith returns for the third year to host the show. The “Day Stage” is the main event of IWMF, and it’s free to attend.

The festival blasts indoors to the Mill Restaurant, 120 E. Burlington St. in Iowa City at 8 p.m. on Saturday night. The closing celebration lineup features Miami’s edgy alternative duo The State Of, passionate world-music troubadour SONiA and disappear fear, and Congress of Starlings featuring IWMF veterans Andrea Bunch and Aerin Tedesco. A sliding-scale cover charge will be collected at the door. The Day Stage in Upper City Park on Saturday afternoon is free (no tickets required), everyone is welcome, and families are encouraged to attend. Food and merchandise vendors will line the festival, and Iowa Shares will host a silent auction.

People often ask my perspective on which movies I think are the most significant lesbian films ever released. As the founder of Wolfe, the world’s largest exclusive distributor of lesbian and gay movies, I have been working with lesbian film and lesbian filmmakers since 1985. I’ve seen the landscape change drastically over that time—from the 1985 release of Donna Deitch’s Desert Hearts, through the indie-lesbian film boom of the mid-’90s (which included Lisa Cholodenko’s High Art), though the amazing box office success of Bound to the upcoming July 9th theatrical release of Lisa’s latest project, The Kids Are All Right. Ever since we were lucky enough to attend Lisa’s world premiere at the Sundance Film Festival this past January, we’ve been describing The Kids Are All Right around the office as “the lesbian Brokeback.” On the surface, the films may seem to have nothing in common; but digging deeper it’s clear this is an apt comparison. For a variety of reasons, The Kids Are All Right will be the most widely distributed lesbian-themed mainstream movie in history. Like that beloved yet sad gay cowboy movie, it has major stars in the gay roles: Julianne Moore and Annette Bening as lesbian moms. This ensures that the film will reach a wide audience. Most exciting of all—with its entertaining yet ultimately politically powerful message of putting a lesbian family front and center—the film will open hearts and minds very much like Brokeback did on its theatrical release. Also like Brokeback, The Kids Are All Right isn’t striving to create a scenario where the gay characters are perfect. Rather, it’s telling an authentic story. In doing this, writer-director Lisa Cholodenko demonstrates that it’s possible to speak to a gay and lesbian audience at the same time you’re speaking to the straight mainstream. The other crucial component of the film’s landmark status is that The Kids Are All Right is being released by Focus Features. Focus is a company that has demonstrated an enormous commitment to releasing smart, complex and thoughtful gay movies. Unlike many Hollywood studios and mainstream distributors, Focus Features genuinely seems to care about the gay and lesbian community. And yes, these are the

Attendees should bring blankets or chairs for grass seating. The park is wheelchair accessible. Pets on leashes are welcome. In case of inclement weather during the outdoor portion of the festival, the rain location will be The Mill Restaurant in Iowa City. For more information about the events of the 2010 Iowa Women’s Music Festival, or to apply to be a vendor, go to www.prairievoices.net, call 319-335-1486, or e-mail festival@prairievoices.net. The festival is also seeking volunteers, who may call Laurie at 319-335-1486 to sign up. The mission of Prairie Voices Productions (PVP), the 501(c)3 non-profit organi-

folks who brought us not just Brokeback Mountain, but also Milk. This is truly a landmark moment in lesbian film history. We’ve come so far! A big budget film with major movie stars playing lesbian roles! It’s absolutely fantastic that this film is coming out in 2010 twentyfive years after Wolfe first went into business. We’ve been around long enough now to see our stories fully enter the mainstream. I am personally enormously grateful for this; and also gratified—that Wolfe continues to fulfill our vital role in supporting the careers of lesbian filmmakers (and all our LGBT and straight filmmaker allies as well). We’re very proud to say that we first distributed Lisa Cholodenko’s short film The Dinner Party way back in 1997 (just before she made her big splash with High Art). Watching our filmmakers advance in their careers is THE most rewarding aspect of our work. I want to encourage everyone to get out to the movies on the July 9th weekend to support Lisa’s movie and send the message to the powers that be in Hollywood (and to Lisa): Thank You and We Want More! Kathy Wolfe is the founder and CEO of Wolfe, the world’s largest exclusive distributor of LGBT movies—currently celebrating its 25th Anniversary year. Learn more about Wolfe at WolfeVideo.com.

zation that produces the IWMF, is to support and promote the work of women artists and musicians through accessible events for the community. PVP also strives to provide women diverse volunteer skill-building experiences in planning, organizing, producing, and implementing major public events such as the music festival. The festival is supported by Toyota/ Scion of Iowa City, Rockwell Collins, a grant from the Iowa Arts Council, Iowa Shares, the Women’s Resource and Action Center of the University of Iowa, and many other generous community businesses and individuals. To become a sponsor, please call Laurie at 319-335-1486.

AUGUST 2010

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Out of Town: San Miguel de Allende, Mexico by Andrew Collins Reminiscent in historic ambience, manageable size, mountainous elevation, and dynamic arts scene to Santa Fe, New Mexico, the small city of San Miguel de Allende was established in the mid-16th century and has becoming increasingly popular in recent years as sophisticated, friendly and a distinctive vacation getaway. Although San Miguel has little in the way of gay nightlife, this city of about 60,000 has a strong GLBT following dating back to its popularity with counter-cultural types in the 1960s. Today visitors will find several gay-owned inns, shops and restaurants. The popular travel memoir On Mexico Time, written in 2000 by Tony Cohan and based on his time living in this magical city, helped boost San Miguel’s already considerable following with expats from the United States and Canada. These days, charming San Miguel represents one of the better travel bargains in the Western Hemisphere. With Mexico enduring unfortunate (and largely unfair) negative stereotypes related to the drug violence plaguing its borders, and U.S. and Canadian currency strong against the Mexican peso, the cost of visiting here is extremely reasonable. The city is well known both for Spanish language immersion schools and culinary classes, but it’s also a lovely place to simply relax and explore for a few days—or even weeks (many long-term vacation rentals inside historic casitas and houses are available). San Miguel is a 3.5-hour bus ride from bustling Mexico City, and many visitors here fly in and out of the capital. There’s also a small, relatively new airport 40 miles away in Queretero (with limited direct flights from Houston and Detroit), and an airport 110 miles away between the cities of Leon and Guanajuato, which has direct flights from Chicago, Dallas, and Houston. Keep in mind that flights to Mexico City are far more affordable than to these regional airports. Additionally, inexpensive buses provide service from Mexico City and its airport. Regional buses in Mexico are operated by private lines and have climate control, TVs, comfortable seats, and clean bathrooms. Reliable companies serving San Miguel de Allende include Primera Plus (http://primeraplus.com.mx) and ETN (http://etn.com.mx). Within the city itself, it’s very easy to get around and explore sites on foot. Taxis are also cheap, safe and plentiful. San Miguel is the central part of the country, which is known for its beautifully preserved colonial silver-mining cities— other prominent ones include Guanajuato, Queretaro, San Luis Potosi and Zacatecas. It’s hundreds of miles from any of the drug or political violence alluded to earlier and is situated at an elevation of 6,500 feet, which translates to cool temperatures, clear air and sunny skies. Throughout the year, high temperatures hover around 70 to 80 degrees, and with lows dipping into the 50s and—in winter—even the lower 40s. Rainfall is highest in summer, as afternoon thunderstorms are a regular occurrence from mid-June through mid-September. Part of the fun of experiencing San Miguel is simply wandering about on foot, without a plan. The city’s narrow, hilly cobblestone streets are lined with brightly

San Miguel de Allende, Mexico, Photo by Andrew Collins painted stucco houses with carved wood trim, flower pots, and wrought-iron balconies and sconces. UNESCO designated the city a World Heritage Site in 2008. The most distinctive site in the city center is soaring La Parroquia, whose beautiful if florid façade recalls the ornate Gothic churches of Europe (on which its design was based). The church lies on the east side of San Miguel’s main plaza, El Jardin, which is shaded with neatly trimmed trees, lined with benches, and within steps of cafes and hotels in all directions. Just off the plaza you’ll find the interesting Museo Casa de Allende, a history museum that documents the city’s rich history. A couple of blocks away, be sure to visit the Bellas Artes, a prestigious school of fine arts set within a cloistered former convent that dates to the 1750s. Walk through the two-story galleried courtyard and admire the murals on the inner walls by Mexican master painter David Alfaro Siqueiros, and note the fanciful sculptures throughout the gardens. Dozens of art and traditional crafts galleries line the streets in the city center, but the definitive arts destination in town is Fabrica La Aurora, an ancient textile factory that’s been converted into galleries. This beautiful building with its high ceilings and tile floors is a marvel to walk through, its galleries filled with statuary, carved wooden furniture, religious artifacts, modern art, and beautiful books. There are also a few dining spots at La Aurora, including Food Factory restaurant, elegant D’Vino wine and tapas bar, and open-air Cafe La Aurora for light sandwiches and salads. In addition to galleries, San Miguel has a number of shops selling antiques and decorative arts. There’s also an excellent bookstore, Garrison & Garrison, set in a vintage brick building and carrying many English titles, new and used. For a quiet walk on a pretty day, stroll through Parque Benito Juarez, a 10-minute walk from El Jardin. San Miguel’s urbane dining scene is a major draw. Fans of food—and cooking— should be sure to check out El Petit Four, a charming bakery run by openly gay chef Paco Cardenas. Here you can sample beautiful cakes, brownies, and bonbons (he can also custom design some very racy erotic cakes on request). The charismatic Cardenas

also leads highly informative cooking classes—e-mail him at pacopos3@yahoo.com for details. With a contemporary, lounge-y vibe and something of a gay following, Planta Baja (http://plantabajasanmiguel.com) specializes in creative world-beat cuisine that’s heavily influenced by Asian, Mediterranean and Latin American ingredients. Pueblo Viejo (http://puebloviejosanmiguel.com) is one of the classics in town for first-rate Mexican fare—it’s run by the same team behind Planta Baja. Behind a bright-red exterior, Bugambilia serves outstanding traditional regional Mexican food. The nicest tables are in the peaceful, landscaped courtyard, but if it’s a cool evening, grab a table inside near the fireplace in the art-filled dining room. El Correo, steps from El Jardin’s plaza, is filled with colorful paintings and also excels when it comes to local Mexican specialties, including chiles en nogada and chicken with a rich mole sauce. A wonderful spot for breakfast, with a pretty courtyard anchored by a gurgling fountain, El Ten Ten Pie serves fresh fruit juices and hearty egg dishes that make a great start to the day. Cheery El Tomate is one of the few vegetarian restaurants in the area and a great choice for light and healthy lunch and dinner fare. Grab an organic espresso or latte at La Ventana, one of the more inviting coffeehouses in town.

And if you’re truly missing that ubiquitous chain java joint from home, yes, there is a Starbucks in San Miguel, just a block from El Jardin. For delicious snacking, keep your eye out for vendors selling hand-churned ice cream from metal containers—you’ll always find interesting flavors, such as avocado or chocolate-chile. Another must for snacking is churros (fried doughnuts) dipped in hot chocolate, which you can best enjoy at a Chocolates y Churros San Agustin, an elegant little cafe also known for tapas, omelets, and fondue. Chocolate Lounge is San Miguel’s most gay-popular nightspot—this intimate, sexy spot is adjacent to El Petit Four bakery. Set fairly close to the Plaza on Calle Hidalgo, the city’s El Ring disco is a fun late-night spot for dancing—it’s generally more hetero than not, but it’s very welcoming and has great music. Mama Mia (http://mamamia.com.mx) is another of the convivial if touristy nightspots in town, also drawing a mixed crowd. San Miguel abounds with B&Bs and historic boutique hotels. The most luxurious lodging in the city is the centrally located Casa de Sierra Nevada (http://casadesierranevada.com), which occupies several historic buildings with rooms ranging from simple and cozy standards to remarkably posh and expansive suites with fireplaces, patios with private outdoor soaking tubs, and bathrooms with deep tubs, standing showers, and ornate tile work. Rooms open onto secluded courtyards (one has a large pool), and the hotel’s amenities include a first-rate spa, cooking school, and the acclaimed Andanza restaurant (all of these are open to the public by reservation), which serves such rarefied contemporary cuisine as ravioli filled with suckling pig carnitas, and fillet of pompano with trufflepotato puree and a reduction of Jerez sherry and cuitlacoche (a Mexican delicacy derived from an edible corn fungus—it tastes far better than it sounds). Gay-owned Las Terrazas San Miguel (http://terrazassanmiguel.com) is a lovely old-world compound comprising four large casitas with private patio, well-stocked kitchens. From Casita Colibri, the least expensive but smallest, you’ve got a wonderful view of the city. The property sits on a hilltop an easy walk from restaurants and shopping. TTOUT OF TOWN continued page 28

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AUGUST 2010

The Bookworm Sez by Terri Schlichenmeyer

The Bucolic Plague: How Two Manhattanites Became Gentlemen Farmers by Josh Kilmer-Purcell c.2010, Harper, $24.99 / $26.99 Canada 305 pages

For most of your life, you’ve had a dream. Maybe it’s something you’ve reached for since you were born, something you’ve always felt you were meant to do. Or maybe it’s just a passing what-if, a dream of the “day” type that might actually come true someday. Maybe you don’t know what your true dream is yet—but the day will come when it’ll hit you. Case in point: Josh Kilmer-Purcell always thought he belonged in Manhattan, but his Wisconsin roots instantly, surprisingly called to him from a crumbling mansion. In the new book The Bucolic Plague: How Two Manhattanites Became Gentlemen Farmers, he tells more. Most people chafe at getting lost, but in October, 2006, Josh Kilmer-Purcell and his partner, Brent, didn’t mind. Their annual apple-buying trip was over and neither was in any hurry to get home. A few more minutes on the road from upstate New York only meant a delay in returning to Manhattan, and long work weeks. KilmerPurcell was an ad man whose job was to make you want things. Brent worked for

Martha Stewart. And then they saw the mansion. The Beekman mansion was over 200 years old. Sitting on 60 acres, it came with a barn and a guest house, and it was on the historic registry. And it was for sale. Kilmer-Purcell grew up in rural Wisconsin, and he thought he’d escaped that life. He thought Manhattan was the world, until he saw the mansion. It immediately became clear that owning a farm— this farm—was what he wanted more than almost anything. They made a lowball offer, which was accepted. They put off the closing until spring,

dreaming of holidays by fireplace, and gardens. A local man asked if he could keep goats in the barn, and he knew a few things about raising vegetables. Locals embraced the couple, happy that the Beekman would once again be occupied. Kilmer-Purcell began to dream again; this time, about leaving his job to start a business. “This,” says KilmerPurcell about his happiness at the Beekman, “was more than a boy from Wisconsin was ever supposed to have.” But he didn’t have it for long. A golden opportunity from Martha Stewart started a slippery slide on goat soap, which led

Q-PUZZLE: “Best of the Bicons”

Across 1 Chef Traci Des ___ 8 Mystics 15 They’re often seen on slides 16 Joan of Arc, allegedly 17 Blonde Venus cross-dresser 19 Hot time for Colette 20 “Like, fer sure” 21 Ben Hur novelist Wallace 22 Birdbrain 24 Ins. letters 25 Pink Triangle Press publication 26 With 46-Across, an African-American in Paris 31 Empire conquered by Alexander 34 Until now 38 Pub offering 39 Ricky Martin and others 43 NBA position 44 Angelina’s Brad 46 See 26-Across 47 Eldest Brady boy 48 Sculptor Nancy 50 Supporter of bottoms 51 Dress with a flared bottom 52 Oater brawl site

63 Cigar butt?

54 Makes into law

64 Hung beast of a simile

55 “God Bless the Child” singer

65 Sooner city

59 Susan Feniger preparation

66 Milk component

60 Sacred cup

67 A turnstile swallows it

61 Junior Vasquez is this kind of jockey

68 New York gay magazine

Down 1 President before Abraham 2 Precious strings 3 Composer Ned 4 “Runaway” singer Shannon 5 “Suuure!” 6 Second starter

to longer hours and shorter fuses. Wasn’t Living a Dream supposed to be a good thing? Charmed, that’s me. Just plain charmed after reading this book. Author, TV personality, and former drag-queen Josh Kilmer-Purcell makes readers flock to his corner with gently sarcastic, Midwest-cum-New-York humor, and it’s hard not to cheer for his triumphs and feel genuinely sad at his discouragements. Kilmer-Purcell isn’t afraid to show his dream with warts, and he wears his emotions on his sleeve—both the good and the bad—which only adds to the appeal of his book. If you’re looking for one last reading hurrah on the deck or hammock before summer slams shut, here’s an excellent choice. For every farmer, cowpoke, goat-herder, wanna-be, or dreamer, The Bucolic Plague is acres of delight.

7 Foam at the mouth 8 1862 Tennessee battle site 9 Command to one’s bitch 10 Like many independent films 11 Debussy’s “La ___” 12 Not straight 13 More like nelly? 14 Inverted e 18 Showing excitement 23 Duds in the bedroom 25 Made a mark in Hollywood Squares 27 Tin Man’s request 28 Swedish import 29 “Like ___ not” 30 Little black bk. listings 31 Mamas’ singing partners 32 Celia portrayer Perkins, on Weeds 33 Strike back 35 Langston Hughes’ “Danse ___” 36 Alphabet statistic 37 Rims 40 Gentle blow 41 Presidential nickname 42 Like a crescent moon 45 It goes clang, clang, clang 47 Tickle pink 49 Large ISP 51 Singer DiFranco 53 Shakespearean’s Twelfth ___ 54 First name in talk 56 Suffix with switch 57 “Listen!” 58 River of northern France 59 Sound from a small pussy 62 Ill. clock setting • SOLUTION ON PAGE 28

AUGUST 2010

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QUAD CITIES: MASSAGE

IOWA CITY: INSURANCE

CEDAR RAPIDS: GIFT BASKETS

CEDAR RAPIDS: WINE & GIFTS

FREELANCE WRITER

“As a gay man, I’ll sign a petition to allow a vote on gay marriage, but only if I can vote on yours.” — “Tired of hypocrites in 50311” in a post to the Des Moines Register “Your 2 Cents’ Worth”

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OUTFIELD

EVENTS

their online coaching bios.” Of the 690 coaches with no mention of a significant other, 57 percent were male, 43 percent female. They fell into two categories. Some bios included “some level of personal information,” such as interests or community work. Others did not. “When a bio stops at high school or college, that’s indicative of something,” Calhoun says. “Over 1,200 coaches have some personal text. So the absence of that becomes visible. It’s almost like not including personal information is a way of implicitly outing someone. People reading the biography may say, ‘Why isn’t there any information about this person’s personal life?’” Coaching is a high-stress profession, Calhoun notes. “There are plenty of barriers for women. In some cases, there is no time for a female coach to have a family. But lots of coaches say ‘our team is a family.’ If there’s no traditional family involved, that’s an interesting dichotomy.” LaVoi passes along an interesting saying: “The best qualification for a female coach is to be divorced, with no kids.” Calhoun interprets that to mean: “You’re ‘safe’ in terms of sexual orientation, but you’re not distracted by children.” The feedback to the studies has been “fantastic,” she says. The pilot research was presented last year at the Sport, Sexuality and Culture Conference at Ithaca College, and published by the Women’s Sports Foundation. The national study was presented at the Tucker Center, and is being submitted to a professional journal. Calhoun recently finished her coursework, and is embarking on her Ph.D. dissertation. The topic is “Gatekeeping Mechanisms of NCAA Media Professionals.” She’ll examine how sports information directors’ staffs prepare coaches’ biographies, with an eye toward how and why information on personal lives is included (or not). “I want to see whether it’s the result of institutionalized homophobia”—meaning it comes from the culture of sports and individual institutions—“or if it’s internalized” (resulting from the coaches’ own desire to maintain privacy). “This all started as a little idea of mine,” Calhoun says. “Now it may be the research of my career.” Years from now, her own biography should make for very interesting reading. Dan Woog is a journalist, educator, soccer coach, gay activist, and author of the “Jocks” series of books on gay male athletes. Visit his website at www.danwoog.com. He can be reached care of this publication or at OutField@qsyndicate.com.

1st Wednesday of the Month, WOMEN’S SACRED CIRCLE, 6:30-8pm, Prairiewoods Franciscan Spirituality Center, 120 E. Boyson Rd, Hiawatha, IA 52233. This group is for women who are interested in gathering for spiritual growth. The direction and activities of the group are determined by participants. $5 per session. For more info, visit www.prairiewoods.org. [ LW] 1st Wednesday of the Month, CONNECTIONS’ RAINBOW READING GROUP, 7pm, Iowa City Public Library Meeting Room B, 123 South Linn Street, Iowa City, IA 52240. For more info, contact Todd at: faunides@yahoo.com. [ L GBTMWA] 2nd Wednesday of the Month, STONEWALL DEMOCRATS, THE GLBT CAUCUS OF THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY, 6:30-8pm, Hamburger Mary’s CR, 222 Glenbrook Dr. SE, Cedar Rapids, IA 52403. For more info, contact Harvey Ross at linnstonewall@gmail.com or call 319-389-0093. [LGBTMWA] 2nd Wednesday of the Month, WOMEN FOR PEACE KNITTERS, 7-9pm, Hiawatha, IA . at Prairiewoods, 120 E. Boyson Rd., Hiawatha. Knitting, crocheting, and discussion. For more info, call 319-377-3252 or go to www. womenforpeace-iowa.org. All ages and levels of needlework skills welcome. Come knit for charities. [ L W ] Every Wednesday, HOT MESS EXPRESS, 9:30pm, Des Moines Social Club, 1408 Locust St., Des Moines, IA . The hottest most messiest citizens of Des Moines providing a comedic look at the hottest most messiest current events around the world. Featuring: Paul Selberg, Rachel C. Johnson, Kelley Robinson & Tyler Reedy [LGBTA] Every Wednesday, TRANSFORMATIONS IOWA, 7-9pm, The Center, 1300 Locust, Des Moines, IA 50309. TransformationsIowa is a Transgender support group. It is open to all ranges of the gender spectrum, male to female, female to male, cross dressers, drag queens, gender queer, questioning, as well as friends, significant others and allies. [ T D ] Every Wednesday, U OF I GAY LESBIAN BISEXUAL TRANSGENDER AND ALLIES UNION MEETINGS, 7-9pm, Iowa City, IA . at the Penn State Room #337 of the Iowa Memorial Union, U. of Iowa campus, Iowa City. For more info, visit http://www.uiowa.edu/~glbtau/ or e-mail glbtau@uiowa.edu. These meetings are open to the public. [ L G B T M W A ] Second Wednesday, OUT NETWORKING, 5:30, Des Moines Social Club, 1408 Locust St, Des Moines, IA 50309. A social, business, and philanthropic networking organization for anyone who is lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgendered, questioning or supportive. The group presents year-round events focused on business, culture, community, and philanthropic subjects. [ L G BTA]

Thursday

1st 3rd Thursday, EVENINGS FOR SPIRIT, 6:30-8:30pm, West Branch, IA . at SpiritHill Retreat, 604 Cedar Valley Road, West Branch. First, third, and fifth Thursdays of each month. Women gather at SpiritHill (or other locations) to share our spiritual experiences, visions and longings. The evenings include time for sharing and time for silence. Laughter, tears and singing are often shared as well. No specific spiritual practice is followed. This event is always open to newcomers. For more info, call 319-643-2613, or e-mail spirit-hill@earthlink.net. Calling in advance is highly recommended to confirm the location for the specific month of interest. [ L W ] 2nd Thursday of the Month, OPEN MIC WITH MARY MCADAMS, 7-9pm, Des Moines, IA. at Ritual Café, on 13th St. between Locust and Grand, downtown Des Moines. Visit www. ritualcafe.com. For more info, e-mail mary@ marymcadams.com. [ L G B T M W A ] 2nd Thursday of the Month, IOWA PFLAG OMAHA/COUNCIL BLUFFS CHAPTER MEETING, 7pm (6:30pm social time), Omaha, IA . at Mead Hall, First United Methodist Church, 7020 Cass St., Omaha. For more info, call 402-2916781. [ L G B T M W A K ]

3rd Thursday of the Month, OPEN MIC HOSTED BY KIMBERLI, 7-10pm, Cedar Rapids, IA . at the Blue Strawberry Coffee Company (now open after the flood), 118 2nd St. SE, Downtown Cedar Rapids. Signup at 6:30pm or by e-mailing flyingmonkeyscr@aol.com the week prior to the open mic. [ L G B T M W A ] 3rd Thursday of the Month, LGBTQI YOUTH MOVIE NIGHT AT THE CENTER, 6:30-10pm, The CENTER, 1300 Locust, Des Moines, IA . This is part of the LGBTQI youth program, anyone 24 years old and younger is welcome. Come down spend the evening with your friends and make some new ones. 515-243-0313 [ L G B T + ] 3rd Thursday of the Month, IOWA PFLAG DUBUQUE/TRI-STATE CHAPTER MEETING, 7pm, Dubuque, IA . at St. John’s Lutheran Church, 1276 White St., Dubuque. For more info, call 563-582-9388. [ L G B T M W A K ] 3rd Thursday of the Month, CONNECTIONS GAME NIGHT, 7-9pm, Iowa City, IA . at Donnelly’s Pub, 110 E. College St., in downtown Iowa City. [LGBTMWA] 4th Thursday of the Month, PROFESSIONAL WOMEN’S NETWORK (PWN), For more info, visit www.pwn.org, e-mail pwn@pwn.org, or call Shelley Woods at 319-981-9887. [ L W ] 4th Thursday of the Month, THE GLBT READING GROUP, 7:30pm, Cedar Rapids, IA . Red Cross Building at 6300 Rockwell Dr. NE, Cedar Rapids. The group is open to new members; contact crglbtreadinggroup@yahoo.com for further info. [ L G B T M W A ] Every Thursday and Friday, SHANNON JANSSEN, 6-10pm, Cedar Rapids, IA . Dawn’s Hide and Bead Away, 220 E. Washington St., Iowa City. Shannon performs a variety of music including original songs on the Grand Piano in the hotel’s beautiful atrium. No reservations required. [ L GBTMWA] Last Thursday of the Month, DRAG KING SHOW, 9pm-2am, Studio 13, 13 S. Linn St, Iowa City, IA 52240. The show starts EARLY at 9pm, so all you fans under 21 (meaning 19 & 20) can come for a jam packed hour of show! Your kings will also have another photo signing with awesome king swag! Plus, a SECOND mini show after the signing!!! $3 Bomb shots, $2 Calls and Domestics, and $1 Wells and shots! Cover is only $3! [ L G B T D ]

Friday

1st Friday of the Month, FAIRFIELD ART WALK, Fairfield, IA. For more info, visit www. FairfieldArtWalk.com. [ L G B T M W A ] 1st Friday of the Month, GUERRILLA QUEER BAR MEETUP!, Tired of the same old bars? Crave the idea of bringing your queer and straight friends together in a fun, new environment? We’re descending upon an unsuspecting straight bar and turning it into a gay bar for the night. To join in: join our Facebook group, Google group or Twitter feed. You’ll receive an email the morning of each event with the name of a classically hetero bar and the meeting time. Call your friends, have them call their friends, show up at the bar and watch as it becomes the new “it” gay bar for one night only. Visit http:// groups.google.com/group/iowa-city-guerrillaqueer-bar. [ L G B T M W A ] 1st Friday of the Month, FIRST FRIDAY BREAKFAST CLUB, Sherman Place, 1501 Woodland Avenue, Des Moines, IA 95030. The First Friday Breakfast Club (FFBC) is an educational, non-profit corporation for gay men who gather on the first Friday of every month to provide mutual support, to be educated on community affairs, and to further educate community opinion leaders with more positive images of gay men. It is the largest breakfast club in the state of Iowa. Hoyt Sherman Place, 1501 Woodland Avenue, Des Moines, IA 95030. Contact Jonathan Wilson at (515) 288-2500 or email: info@ ffbciowa.org [ G B ] 1st Friday of the Month, DAWN’S COFFEE HOUSE, 5-8pm, Iowa City, IA . Dawn’s Hide and Bead Away, 220 E. Washington St., Iowa City. First Friday of every month between February 6 and December 4. Music and light snacks are provided. Proceeds from the door are split between the non-profit of the month and the store (to cover the cost of snacks). Any other donations received go 100% to the non-profit. $3 cover. For more info, phone 319-338-1566. [LGBTMWA]

AUGUST 2010 2nd and 4th Friday, DRUMMING CIRCLE, 7pm, Cedar Rapids, IA . Unity Center of Cedar Rapids, 3791 Blairs Ferry Rd. NE, Cedar Rapids. Every 2nd and 4th Friday of the each month. For more info, call 319-431-7550. [ G M ] 3rd Friday of the Month, OLD-TIME DANCE FOR ALL, 8pm, Iowa City, IA . A Barn Dance 12 miles east of Iowa City at Scattergood Friends School. A Barn Dance 12 miles east of Iowa City at Scattergood Friends School. Admission is $5.00 per person. Singles and couples, beginners and veterans welcome. The music is live, and all dances are taught and called (that is, prompted while the music is playing). Note: (1) same-sex couples are common at these dances, (2) they’re no-alcohol, no-smoking events, (3) every dance is taught, so beginners are welcome, and (4) people can attend alone or with a partner. People of a variety of ages show up, and the atmosphere is friendly and inclusive. For more info, phone 319-643-7600 or e-mail treadway@netins.net. [LGBTMWA]

Saturday

4th Saturday of the Month, LESBIAN BOOK CLUB, 7pm, Davenport, IA . is reading books by or about lesbians. Non-lesbians are welcome to attend. All meetings are held at the Unitarian Universalist Church, 3707 Eastern Ave., Davenport. For more info, call 563-359-0816. [ L ] 4th Saturday of the Month, TANGOVIA, 7:30pm, Iowa City, IA . join area tango dancers at the Wesley Center, 120 N. Dubuque St., Iowa City. Enjoy a candlelit evening of dance, hors d’oeuvres, and conversation in a relaxed atmosphere. Cost is $5. Partner not necessary. Beginners welcome to come at 7pm for an introductory lesson. For more info, call Gail at 319-325-9630, e-mail irelandg@gmail.com, or visit www.tangovia.com. [ L G B T M W A D ] Every Saturday, WOMEN FOR PEACE IOWA, Noon to 1PM, Collins Rd NE & 1st Ave SE, Cedar Rapids, IA 52402. hosting Weekly Street Corner Vigils for peace, rain or shine. Meet at the corner of 1st Ave. and Collins Rd. SE (in front of Granite City Brewery), Cedar Rapids. Show your support for our troops by calling for their return from Iraq. For more info, e-mail khall479@aol. com. [ L G B T M W A K D ] Every Saturday, BAILE LATINO: SALSA, CHA-CHA, MERENGUE AND BACHATA LESSONS, 3:30-5:30pm, Cedar Rapids, IA . taught by Gloria Zmolek, at CSPS, 1103 3rd St. SE, Cedar Rapids. No experience or partner necessary. All ages welcome. No sign-up required. $5 per person requested. For more info, contact Gloria at 319-365-9611 or visit www.crsalsa.org. [ L G BTMWAKD]

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OUT OF TOWN Breakfast is included, and one unit has two bedrooms. Another beautiful gay-owned spot is Susurro (http://susurro.com.mx), whose spacious rooms with beamed ceilings and landscaped terraces are stunningly furnished with antiques and folk art from around the world. Reasonably priced and gay-friendly Casa Crayola (http://gomexart.com/aurora48.htm) is a small compound of seven lovely casitas that’s just steps from La Aurora. It’s an excellent option for longer stays, with the colorfully decorated casitas with kitchenettes and separate living areas renting for $500 per week and $1,800 per month. Other commendable and gayfriendly accommodations in San Miguel include Dona Urraca Hotel & Spa (http://donaurraca.com.mx), El Meson Hotel (http://hotelelmeson.com), Posada Corazon (http://posadacorazon.com.mx), and Hotel Casa Linda (http://hotelcasalinda.com). The latter is also notable for its restaurant. Andrew Collins covers gay travel for the New York Times-owned website About.com and is the author of Fodor’s Gay Guide to the USA. He can be reached care of this publication or at OutofTown@qsyndicate.com.

AUGUST 2010

Section 3: Community

The CENTER Starts New After-School Program The CENTER in Des Moines is proud to collaborate with The Chrysalis Foundation to begin a new youth program for the LGBTQI community and their allies. Youth for Equality is a service and action group for youth who identify as LGBTQI and their allies. The mission of this group is to empower youth to promote equality through civic engagement, community service, and education. Youth will be provided with educational opportunities which may include communication workshops, media review and discussions, and other

topics or items identified by the youth as relevant and interesting. This is the first after-school program that is not based in a school that is serving the LGBTQAI community of Des Moines and its surrounding areas. Youth for Equality is open to all students in grades 5th through 12th. The group will meet on the first and third Tuesday of every month from 4 p.m. to 6 p.m. Please contact The CENTER by phone at 515-243-0313 or e-mail us at thecenterdm@gmail.com for more information.

‘Standing on Higher Ground’ events at UNI

by Jennifer Merriman, One Iowa In an effort to improve campus life for students, staff and faculty, the University of Northern Iowa is hosting a series of events in September and October called “Standing on Higher Ground: LGBT Dialogue & Reflection around Civility”. The events include award-winning LGBTthemed movies, panel discussions and an appearance by Judy Shepard. The Rainbow Reception September 1, 7-9pm The Gallagher-Bluedorn Performing Arts Center (GBPAC) Lobby, UNI The Rainbow Reception is an event to welcome LGBT and ally students, faculty and staff back to campus. Join us for an evening of information sharing, networking, fellowship, and dessert.

Movie: The Laramie Project September 13, 5-7pm University Book & Supply, Cedar Falls Moisés Kaufman and members of New York’s Tectonic Theater Project went to Laramie, Wyoming, after the murder of Matthew Shepard. This is a film version of the play they wrote based on more than 200 interviews they conducted in Laramie. It mixes real news reports with actors portraying friends, family, cops, killers, and other Laramie residents in their own words. It opened the 2002 Sundance Film Festival and was nominated for four Emmys.

Lecture: Judy Shepard September 16, 7:30pm GBPAC, UNI Free for UNI students In October 1998, Judy and Dennis Shepard lost their 21-year-old son Matthew to a murder motivated by anti-gay hate. Determined to prevent others from suffering their son’s fate, Judy and Dennis decided to turn their grief into action and established the Matthew Shepard Foundation to carry on Matthew’s legacy. In her continuing role as board president, she travels across the nation speaking to audiences about what they can do as individuals and communities to make this world a more accepting

place for everyone, regardless of race, religion, ethnicity, sex, gender identity and expression, or sexual orientation. Speaking from a mother’s perspective, Judy also authored a 2009 memoir, “The Meaning of Matthew.” Panel Discussion: The Politics of Gay Marriage in Iowa September 21, 7-8:30pm Waterloo Center for the Arts Join us for an evening of dialogue, presented by One Iowa, with panelists representing legal, religious, PFLAG (Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) and same-sex couples. Safety & Learning: Optimal School Environments for LGBT Students, moderated by Dr. Nick Pace September 27, 4-5pm Center for Multicultural Education, UNI Join a panel of educators and students for sharing of experiences and suggestions on how we can collaboratively ensure optimal learning environments for LGBT students.

Life-Long University Course, with Scott Cawelti October 4-6, 10am-noon Fee: $20; To register: call 319-2735141 This course is an analysis and discussion of the 2002 film “The Laramie Project,” a 97-minute feature employing 53 actors, many of them well known (Christina Ricci, Steve Buscemi, Laura Linney, Michael Emerson, Peter Fonda, Janeane Garofalo, Dylan Baker, Joshua Jackson, Amy Madigan, Camryn Manheim) to play the parts of the investigators and citizens of Laramie. Essentially, they perform the stage version on screen. Yet it’s not the same; this class will focus on how it’s necessarily different, and how those differences affect viewers’ perceptions. We will watch the first half on Monday and the second on Wednesday, discussing sequences and their implications from the DVD version. TTHIGHER GROUND continued page 35

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Martin-Harris Wedding

by John Wilson, Waterloo, IA WEST UNION (Iowa) – Michael John Martin and William Russell Harris exchanged wedding vows July 24, 2010, in West Union, Iowa. Reverend Dwight Albers performed the 4pm marriage ceremony held in the garden located at Mike’s mother’s house in West Union. And, it was a very historic day for West Union, Iowa, as this was the first legal same-sex marriage performed in the small town. Over 60 guests were in attendance including family, friends, and neighbors from West Union. One guest, Ellie, came over 300 miles to attend! Mike’s mother, Beverly Martin, was present at the wedding, as was Bill’s sister, Diana Babcock. Mike’s mother was a witness and maidof-honor for the wedding. Dolly Auringer, who also accompanied Mike’s mother down the aisle in the wedding, also served as a witness on the wedding certificate. Mike’s five-year-old niece, Haley, served as flower girl as the couple processed to a decorated wedding arch. The ring bearer was Mike’s young two-yearold nephew, Lucas. The marriage ceremony was a special

service written for same-sex marriages. The commitment recitations were especially touching and appropriate as Bill and Mike have been friends and lovers for over seven years. A special candlelight ceremony was held in honor of Mike’s father and Bill’s parents and brother, all now deceased. The ceremony was followed by a buffet dinner including chicken breast, roast beef, mashed potatoes, gravy, coleslaw, dinner rolls, and, of course, wedding cake. The event was blessed with pleasant weather, blue sky, and moderate temperatures—a rather special weather scenario for Iowa in July! The couple lives in Waterloo, Iowa.

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Section 3: Community

AUGUST 2010

Section 3: Community

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Inside Out: Life on the Other Side by Ellen Krug The other day I sat in a Minneapolis coffee shop answering questions about what it was like to move from male to female. Janie, my interrogator (and I use that phrase loosely since she was very gentle and kind in her questioning), is a woman I had just met through another friend. Janie is a former career but now 40-something, stay-at-home mother who lives in a nice Minneapolis suburb. One of those affluent “every-family-is-like-each-other-family” kind of suburbs. I was her first transgender. To say the least, I intrigued her. Of course, me being me, I was happy to talk about my favorite subject, Ellen. Her first question was pretty much on the money. “So, is it true what one of my male friends tells me—that all men do is think about sex?” She figured I would be especially qualified to answer this question since, after a year of hormones, I have an idea of what it’s like to diminish greatly (if not lose altogether) one hormone—testosterone—and replace it with another hormone, estrogen. At this point, I have more estrogen in my body than many genetic females. Blood tests show that my testosterone is now lower than what is normal for even women. Apparently, my gynecologist is a pretty damn good chemist. I thought for a moment and then answered Janie honestly, albeit painting with a broad brush: “You are right, sex is all that most men think about. When I was a boy, I’d enter a restaurant and in the span of five minutes, if that long, I’d figure out who in the room would be a worthy sex partner and spend the rest of my time there glancing at them for fantasy material. It was automatic.” “Wow, I knew it!” Janie replied, like someone who had just stumbled upon a great scientific discovery. As if this really should surprise any woman (or man if

they are honest with themselves). I mean, really, just sit in a bar for twenty minutes and watch what men do. She fired another question. “Alright, tell me this. Now that you are a woman, will you go through menopause?” Quite a few women have asked me this question, actually. I think in part it is prompted by the idea that if I’m really a woman, menopause is a right of passage, an obligation of the clan. Fortunately for me, the answer is no, I won’t go through menopause. You need all the plumbing in order for there to be a body change like menopause. No surgeon in the world can give me that plumbing. Fair or not, I won’t be experiencing hot flashes or extreme mood swings. (But that doesn’t mean I’m not a sweaty bitch at times.) Janie had one more question. “What is it like for you to be a woman? How is it different than being a man?” Ah, the big question. The fact of the matter is that I’ve become a member of a unique club, one comprised of people who know what it is like to think and live as both male and female at different points in their lives. The price of membership, of course, is that you permanently change your life through surgery and hormones. (Another price is the increased health risks associated with pumping those hormones into my body—something I try not to dwell on.) Certainly, this is not like is cross dressing, where you pretend you’re of the opposite sex for an hour or two and then go back to your assigned sex role. As one of my good friends likes to say, “Transitioning cures cross dressing.” And going from male to female cures some other things as well. Like that sex drive thing. And god, what a relief it is to be done with it. Don’t get me wrong, I still like sex; the desire for intimacy and just plain fun with another person has

“I’m a lawyer by trade. We are a country and state of laws. The court has ruled and I think we need to accept this. … Heterosexuals have not done a great job with marriage and the family. … I think a strong middle class makes a strong economy. I think [NOM] is looking for some economic cover, rather than revealing that some in their group are simply anti-gay.” — Iowa’s First Lady, Mari Culver, to the Iowa Independent, August 2, 2010, regarding statements made at NOM’s Des Moines “marriage tour” rally that gay marriage harms the economy.

not left me. But that male need-for-sexmonkey-on-the-back no longer drives my daily interactions with the world. I still appreciate pretty people, but unlike my boy days, I don’t feel the urge or need to sleep with every attractive stranger I meet. Hell, any more when I see a cute woman, I’m eying her hair or figure or clothes and wondering, “How can I look like that?” If that’s not proof of me crossing over, I don’t know what is. Losing the male sex drive is not the only thing that I’ve experienced. I’m now a hell of a better person—a girlfriend—to other women. Girlfriends operate totally different than boyfriends (male to male

friends) do. For one thing, I’m less selfish and more understanding of the need to be there for my girlfriends. I’m showing up to more things, like making a friend’s birthday party 280 miles away, or a funeral (something which I avoided as a male) just to be supportive to my girlfriends. I’m also now more sensitive and open, more willing to tear up, more exposed. Most importantly, I have a real sense of peace, a gentle settling in my soul. I attribute this to several things, but the primary factor is how my brain has been rewired from boy to girl. There is no other way to explain it. That estrogen stuff has changed the way I see and experience the world. Gone are my old boy aggressive tendencies. Lost forever (I hope) is an incessant desire to compete with others, to be the best, to have the best, at the expense of all other things. Instead, now, I am content, satisfied, happy. I say this even though I am alone and still have surgeries ahead of me to complete the process. None of that matters. As a woman, I am a peaceful whole person. Finally. I really like this club. I’m a content girl, not a horny boy. Waiter, I’ll take the estrogen burger, please. Hold the testosterone. Ellen Krug is a writer, lawyer, human. She was a trial attorney for 28 years before realizing there is more to life. She is now on sabbatical to write a book, and if that does not work out, to wait tables. She is parent to two adult children and hoping for the best, despite the odds. She can be reached at EllenKrug75@gmail.com.

AUGUST 2010 Section 3: Community Marriage equality conference, Achieving Marriage Aug 13-14, 2010, in Decorah, Iowa Equality in the Heartland

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PFLAG Northeast Iowa, Luther College Upward Bound, Luther College PRIDE and Northeast Iowa Community College GSA invite you join them in a multi‐state conference, Achieving Marriage Equality in the Heartland, August 13 and 14, 2010 at the Dahl Centennial Union on the campus of Luther College in Decorah, IA.

SPEAKERS

Harry Knox, Director of the Human Rights Campaign’s Religion and Faith Program, connects HRC with over 10 million Americans monthly through a national speakers bureau, creates progressive clergy coalition networks, and offers weekly preaching resources. Knox was honored in 2009 when he was appointed by President Obama to the Advisory Council on Faith‐ Based & Neighborhood Initiatives. Sharon Malheiro is President of the Board of Davis Brown Law Firm in Des Moines and founder and Executive Director of One Iowa, an organization that has led the effort for marriage equality within the state. Working in cooperation with Lambda Legal, she helped lay the groundwork for Varnum v. Brien, Iowa’s marriage equality lawsuit. Patrick Murphy of Dubuque has been a Representative in the Iowa Legislature since 1989 and is the current Speaker of the House. A strong supporter of the Iowa Supreme Court marriage equality decision, Rep. Murphy was instrumental in keeping opponents of the decision from trying to pass a constitutional amendment banning same‐sex marriage.

PANEL SPEAKERS

• Harry Knox, Director, Human Rights Campaign Religion and Faith Program • Connie Ryan Terrell, Executive Director, Interfaith Alliance of Iowa • Ross Murray, Interim Director, Lutherans Concerned / North America • Brooke Smith, Senior Field and Policy Coordinator, PFLAG National • Dean Genth, Chair and cofounder, Iowa Council of PFLAG Chapters, and husband, Gary Swenson cofounder Iowa Council of PFLAG Chapters • Ryan Crane, Regional Organizer, One Iowa • Charles Banta, Luther College PRIDE member and Matthew Shepard Scholarship recipient • Matthew Anders, Coordinator, Northeast IA Community College Gay/ Straight Alliance

Event Schedule Friday, Aug. 13 7:00-10:00 PM - Barn dance – Enjoy the beauty of northeast Iowa’s trees, bluffs, and streams with a drive in the country! Join us Friday evening when we kick off the conference with a public barn dance/PFLAG fundraiser hosted by PFLAG Northeast Iowa members Ellen and Craig Cutting. Decorah’s Scandinavian-American old time dance band, Foot-Notes, will be performing. Directions to the Cutting farm will be emailed to registrants.

Saturday, Aug. 14 8:00 Registration opens - continental breakfast provided 9:00 Welcome and conference overview by conference hosts 9:15 Keynote – “The Journey to Marriage Equality: Iowa’s Experience” Sharon Malheiro Rep. Patrick Murphy 10:00 Break 10:15 Break-out groups by state 11:30 Lunch seating 11:45 Keynote – “Strategies for Overcoming the Barriers to Marriage Equality: The Factors” Harry Knox 12:30 Panels – Faith-based groups, youth activists, statewide LGBT groups, and legal/political activists 2:30 Break 2:45 Facilitated break-out groups 3:45 Group reports 4:30 Where do we go from here? Group discussion 5:00 Close

EVENT LOCATION

Luthor College, Decorah, IA

Directions. From Hwy 52, north of the intersection with Hwy 9. Turn east at the large sign for Luther College located at the intersection of Pole Line Rd. with Hwy 52. Follow Pole Line Rd. to College Dr., turn right, and continue on College Dr. beyond the main entrance to the college past the municipal swimming pool. Turn right on Pool St. and follow it into the Luther College Library parking lot. The conference will be located across the campus on the 2nd floor of Dahl Centennial Union in Peace Dining Room. Luther campus map: www.luther.edu/about/campus/map

LODGING Blocks of rooms have been reserved at two local hotels. When making reservations, mention you are with the “marriage equality conference” for conference rates. • Super 8 810 Hwy 9 East Decorah, IA 52101 (563) 382‐8771 www.super8.com $54 single, $58 double Rooms held until July 31 • Bluff’s Inn 1101 Highway 9 W Decorah, IA 52101 (877) 747‐8713 www.bluffs-inn.com $62 single, $71 double Rooms held until July 23

For Decorah visitor information and alternative options for area lodging, visit: www.welcomeindecorah.com

Registration form: Name: _ ___________________________________ Address: _________________________________ _____________________________________________ Email: _ ___________________________________ Phone: ____________________________________ Special dietary requests: ______________ _____________________________________________

Early bird registration (through 7/15): $50* Received after 7/15: $60*

Registration deadline: July 31 Make checks payable to: PFLAG NE Iowa Total Amount Enclosed: __________ Please complete this form and send to: Jean Huffey, Conference Registrar 1730 Elon Dr. Waterville, IA 52170 For more information: Phone: (563) 5357680 Email: jhuffey@acegroup.cc

*Continental breakfast, lunch, and morning & afternoon break snacks included.

AUGUST 2010

Section 3: Community

Queeries LGBT Etiquette by Steven Petrow Sex when you’re a houseguest

Q: My boyfriend “Alexander” and I are going to be visiting some close friends at their summer house next weekend. He really likes the idea of getting hot and heavy while we’re there; I think it’s rude to have sex at someone’s house when you’re a guest. What do you think? A: Although some think it’s disrespectful to one’s hosts to have a private pleasure-fest in your room, I think it’s fine as long as you’re able to keep it completely secret. No moaning, no screaming, no running through the house naked. Lock the door, and use a towel to avoid stains or other tell-tale signs. If you bring toys, make sure you pack them up on departure. And definitely don’t mention it at breakfast, even in the most general or cute way—although your hosts may pick something up from the looks on your faces. I do suggest, however, that you save your more complicated rites and rituals for the privacy of your own home, or for a hotel.

My girlfriend is a snoop

Q: My partner and I have been living together for a couple of months now and I suddenly realized that she’s going through my personal papers

and reading my email. I actually don’t have anything to hide, but I feel like she’s invading my privacy and don’t like that one bit. When I called her on this behavior, she said, “That’s what lesbian couples do.” Is it? A: No, lesbian couples don’t do that. Nor do couples of other kinds—if they want their relationship to last. And you’re quite right that it’s irrelevant whether or not you have anything to hide. There is a fine, but important, distinction between “looking” and “snooping.” It’s just looking when there’s a bank statement or personal letter on the table or a racy photo on the wall, but it becomes snooping when you take some action, like opening the letter, looking through papers, opening a photo album or visiting an online account. To start, I suggest changing your password, getting a file cabinet that locks and telling your partner that her prying is not acceptable to you. The larger issue here may be one of trust, however; she doesn’t seem to trust you, but is also apparently not trustworthy herself. But I’m only a manners expert, not a therapist, so I’ll stop here.

Using email to announce your separation

Q: Jane and I were together for more than 10 years and after lots of couples counseling and a trial separa-

tion, we’ve decided to call it quits. How do we tell our friends, some of whom know of our difficulties and some who, blissfully, don’t? Is a mass email okay for this? A: No, email is not a good medium for this. While spamming your friends is useful when you’re hosting a yard sale or declaring your support for a political candidate, news about your breakup is a bad use of the technology because the communication is too impersonal and too likely to be reforwarded. Also, as much as you may think you’re sending an entirely unemotional announcement, sometimes hurt feelings or resentments creep into these things. I’ve known a friend or two who have taken this route and come to regret what they wrote. Sure, email is efficient and egalitarian and would save you the heartbreak of having to tell and retell your story of woe, but you’re better off speaking directly to close friends and family about what has happened. Of course, word will get around soon enough on its own. Later on in this process, when you’ve both really begun to move on, go ahead and send a mass email letting friends know of a new address, email or phone number—along with anything personal, such as perhaps that things are now going well for you. That note just shouldn’t be the first they’re hearing of your separation.

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Left out of my husband’s death notice Q: I was in such a state of shock after my husband died that I had no idea his brother and sister were preparing an obit. It was bad enough that they didn’t show it to me, but to make matters worse they didn’t even include me as a survivor. What should I do now? A: Until you lose someone close to you, it’s hard to see the importance of obituaries; the truth is that they carry a great deal of symbolism, so I can understand why you’re upset. Take aside the former in-law you are closest to and explain your feelings with as little rancor as you can. You could say, for instance: “After spending ten years as your brother’s husband and best friend, I can’t tell you how hurt I was not to be mentioned as his survivor.” In the meantime, prepare your own notice and pay for its placement. Or, if too much time has gone by, consider placing an “In Memoriam” notice on the anniversary of your partner’s death, on his birthday or on the date of your wedding anniversary. Steven Petrow can be found online at www.gayandlesbianmanners.com. He’s the author of “The Essential Guide to Gay Manners & Etiquette” and blogs regularly on Huffington Post.

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Section 3: Community

AUGUST 2010

AUGUST 2010 SScontinued from page 29

HIGHER GROUND Workshop: “That’s So Gay” in partnership with Iowa Safe Schools October 7, 4:45-7:15pm AEA267, Cedar Falls October 8, 10am and 1pm Center for Multicultural Education, UNI That’s so gay, no homo, fag, and dyke are heard countless times in our schools. But how do you stop students from saying these hurtful words and phrases? Bullying and harassment of LGBT students can and must be stopped. This session is designed to create awareness of bullying and harassment facing LGBT students, and offer proven solutions to ending bullying and harassment.

Movie: Milk October 9, 2pm GBPAC, UNI This is a powerful and inspiring story of California’s first openly gay elected official Harvey Milk. In 1977, Milk was elected to the San Francisco Board of Supervisors, becoming the first openly gay man to be voted into major public office in America. His victory was not just a victory for gay rights, he forged coalitions across the political spectrum. From senior citizens to union workers, Harvey Milk changed the very nature of what it means to be a fighter for human rights and became, before his untimely death in 1978, a hero for all Americans. Join us for a brief discussion afterward.

Section 3: Community Movie: Out in the Silence October 9, 7pm GBPAC, UNI Out in the Silence captures the remarkable chain of events that unfold when the announcement of filmmaker Joe Wilson’s wedding to another man ignites a firestorm of controversy in his small Pennsylvania hometown. Drawn back by a plea for help from the mother of a gay teen being tormented at school, Wilson’s journey dramatically illustrates the universal challenges of being an outsider in a conservative environment and the transformation that is possible when those who have long been constrained by a traditional code of silence summon the courage to break it. Join us for a brief discussion afterward.

Performance: The Laramie Project, by Tectonic Theatre Project October 13 and 14, 7:30pm In October 1998, Matthew Shepard was kidnapped, severely beaten and left to die, tied to a fence on the outskirts of Laramie, Wyoming. Five weeks later, Moisés Kaufman and fellow members of the Tectonic Theater Project went to Laramie, and over the course of the next year, conducted more than 200 interviews with people of the town. From these interviews they wrote the play The Laramie Project, a chronicle of the life of the town of Laramie in the year after the murder. The Epilogue was written ten years later when the same company revisited Laramie.

Talk Back & Interview with Tectonic Theatre Project Company Members October 15, 3-4pm Center for Multicultural Education, UNI Join members of the company for post performances discussion and learn about the process of interviewing and how to craft into a stage play. Come with questions you’d like to ask Tectonic Theatre Project Company members! And look for these events coming soon! Workshops by the justice department. Workshops provided for area law enforcement and our students considering careers in law enforcement. Part of a Federal Department of Justice project, law enforcement agencies are provided train-

ACCESSline Page 35 ing on the new Hate Crimes Legislation passed in Matthew’s memory and issues of enforcement and diversity relating to that enforcement. Bookclubs, Discussion and a Movie showing at University Book and Supply. Rose Lorenz and UBS are fully behind the project and will be adding the play and Judy Shepard’s book to their book club groups. Additionally they will host a showing of the Laramie project film and discussion lead by emeritus faculty Scott Cawalti. Participation by national Matthew Shepard foundation and Iowa’s Eychaner Foundation. Students on campus who have received the Matthew Shepard scholarship and alumni who also did talk in a moderated forum about what it is and was like to be LGBT at UNI/in Cedar Falls.

ACCESSline Page 36 DIRECTORY NOTICE

The ACCESSline community directory is updated each issue. LISTINGS ARE FREE. Information about new groups must contain a phone number for publication and a contact (e-mail address, land address, or website) for our records. For more information or to provide corrections, please contact Editor@ACCESSlineIOWA.com or call (319) 550-0957.

NATIONAL ORGANIZATIONS Gay and Lesbian Victory Fund 1705 De Sales St NW, Ste 500 Washington, DC, 20036 www.victoryfund.org. 202-VICTORY [842-8679] Human Rights Campaign National political organization, lobbies congress for lesbian & gay issues, political training state and local www.hrc.org 1-800-777-HRCF[4723] Lambda Legal Defense & Education Fund I I E. Adams, Suite 1008, Chicago, IL 60603 www.lambdalegal.org 312-663-4413 Fax: 312-663-4307 National Gay & Lesbian Task Force (NGLTF) 1325 Massachusetts Ave NW, Ste 600, Washington, DC, 20005 www.ngltf.org / taskforce.org National Organization for Women (NOW) 733 15th ST NW, 2nd Floor Washington, DC 20005 www.now.org 202-628-8669 PFLAG National Offices 1726 M St. NW Suite 400 Washington, DC 20036 info@pflag.org - www.pflag.org 202-467-8180

STATE ORGANIZATIONS Equality Iowa P.O. Box 18, Indianola, IA 50125 www.equalityiowa.org 515-537-3126 Faithful Voices Interfaith Alliance of Iowa’s marriage equality project. www.faithfulvoices.org Imperial Court of Iowa Non-profit fundraising & social, statewide organization with members from across the State of Iowa. PO Box 1491, Des Moines, IA 50306-1491 www.imperialcourtofiowa.org Iowa Chapter of the National Organization for Women (NOW) David Steward, President, IA NOW 1010 Charlotte Ave. Davenport, IA 52803 Iowa PFLAG (Parents, Families & Friends of Lesbians and Gay) State Council PO Box 18, Indianola, IA 50125 www.equalityiowa.org/PFLAG 515-537-3126 or 641-583-2024

Section 3: Community Lord of Life Lutheran 2126 Gable Lane, Ames 50014 Services Sundays at 9:00a.m.; Wed. 7:00pm. 515-233-2350 PFLAG Ames Youth and Shelter Services Offices 420 Kellogg Ave 1st Floor. 2nd Tuesday, 7pm www.pflagames.org 515-291-3607 Romantics Pleasure Palace 117 Kellogg Street, Ames, IA 50010-3315 http://www.romantixonline.com 515-232-7717 Stonewall Democrats of Ames tlloman@aol.com goodwinm@istate.edu, or Terry Lowman, 515-292-3279, or Mary Goodwin 515-292-0352 United Church of Christ-Congregational 6th & Kellogg Ames, 50010 Sunday Continental Breakfast, 9:00am; Sunday School, 9:30am; Worship, 10:45am. uccames@midiowa.net. 515-232-9323 Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of Ames 1015 Hyland Ave. Services: 9am and 11am, Sunday uufa@aol.com 515-292-5960 Unity Church of Ames 226 9th St. Sunday service and Sunday school 10:30am. Wednesday mediation 6:30pm, class 7:15pm. www.websyt/unity/ames Daily dial-a-blessing 515-233-1613

Arnolds Park, Okoboji, Spencer, Spirit Lake The Royal Wedding Chapel 504 Church Street, Royal, IA 51357 712-933-2223 www.TheRoyalWeddingChapel.com Wilson Resource Center An Iowa Great Lakes area gay-owned nonprofit community based organization. PO Box 486 Arnolds Park IA 51331-0486 F.JosephWilson@aol.com. 712-332-5043

BURLINGTON Arrowhead Motel 2520 Mount Pleasant St Burlington, IA 52601-2118 319-752-6353 www.arrowheadia.com HIV/AIDS Screening @ Des Moines County Health Department in Burlington 522 N 3rd By appointment between 8:00am to 4:30 319-753-8217 Confidential RISQUES IV (adult store) 421 Dry Creek Ave, West Burlington, IA 52601 (319) 753-5455 Sun - Wed 8am-Midnight Thurs - Sat Open 24 Hours www.LoversPlayground.com Steve’s Place 852 Washington St, Burlington 319-752-9109

Iowa pridenetwork 3839 Merle Hay Rd, Ste. 285 Des Moines, IA 50310 www.iowapridenetwork.org 515-243-1110

Unitarian Universalist Fellowship Services start at 10:30 am 625 N 6th St, Burlington, IA 52601-5032 (319) 753-1895 - www.uuburlington.org

LGBT Youth in Iowa Schools Task Force PO Box 1997, Des Moines, 50306 515-243-1221

Adult Cinema 315 E 4th St Waterloo, IA 50703-4703 (319) 234-7459

One Iowa 500 East Locust St, Ste 300 Des Moines, IA 50309 515-288-4019 Fax: 515-244-5846 www.OneIowa.org Stonewall Democrats of Iowa 5 Creekside Ct Mason City, IA 50401 Contact: Harvey Ross HRoss007@aol.com 319-362-3099

Ames First United Methodist Church 6th & Kellogg Contemporary worship Sat. 5:30; Sun at 8:30 and 11:00am. www.fumcames.org. 515-232-2750 Living with HIV Program 126 S. Kellogg, Suite 1 Ask for Janelle (Coordinator) 515-956-3312 ext 106 or I -800-890-8230 ISU LGBTA Alliance GLBT Support, Activism, Social Events, Newsletter East Student Office L, Memorial Union, ISU Ames, IA. 50014 alliance@iastate.edu http://www.alliance.stuorg.iastate.edu 515-294-2104

Cedar Falls - Waterloo

Black Hawk Co. Health Department Free HIV testing (donations accepted); MW, 1:00pm to 3:00pm; Thurs, 1:00pm to 4:45pm 1407 Independence Ave. (5th fl) Waterloo 50703 319-291 -2413 Cedar AIDS Support System (CASS) Service, support groups & trained volunteers for persons with HIV/AIDS in Waterloo/CF call Elizabeth or Karla, 319-272-AIDS(2437). cvhospice@forbin.net Cedar Valley Counseling Services Promoting personal growth and development in a strengths-based environment Joan E. Farstad, MA, Director. 319-240-4615 www.cvcounseling.com farstd@cvcounseling.com. Cedar Valley Episcopal Campus Ministry. In Lutheran Center 2616 College St, Cedar Falls, IA 319-415-5747 mcdinoiwa@aol.com www.episcopalcampus.org All welcome! Community AIDS Assistance Project (CAAP) Funding for special personal needs, community projects, and small grants that are AIDS related. PO Box 36, Waterloo, IA 50704

LGBTA Support Group at Hawkeye Community College Call Carol at 319-296-4014 for time & location of meeting chedberg@hawkeyecollege.edu Iowa Legal Aid Free civil legal service available to low income persons who qualify under income/asset guidelines. 607 Sycamore, #708, Waterloo, IA 50703 1-800-772-0039 or 319-235-7008

Linn County Stonewall Democrats 2nd Wednesday of every month, 6:30-8 p.m. The LGBT Caucus of the Democratic Party, meets at Hamburger Mary’s, 222 Glenbrook Dr. SE, behind 2nd Wind off of 1st Ave SE in Cedar Rapids. For more info, contact linnstonewall@ gmail.com Rapid AIDS Grant Wood Area Red Cross 3600 Rockwell Dr NE, Cedar Rapids, 52410 319-393-9579.

Kings & Queens Tap 304 W. 4th St, Waterloo, IA www.//myspace.com/kingsandqueensspace 319-232-3001

People’s Church Unitarian Universalist A welcoming congregation. 600 Third Avenue SE 11AM Sunday. 319-362-9827

Romantix Waterloo (Adult Emporium) 1507 La Porte Rd, Waterloo, IA 50702 319-234-9340 http://www.romantixonline.com/

Stonewall Democrats of Linn County Contact Roy Porterfield royboycr@mchsi.com 319-362-5281

Stellas Guesthouse 324 Summit Ave, Waterloo, IA Private B&B, Overnight accommodations for adults only. 319-232-2122

Tri-ess, Iota Kappa Phi Chapter P.O. Box 8605, Cedar Rapids, Iowa 52408 We are a transgendered organization supporting crossdressers, their families, and friends. www.yahoo.com/group/Tri-essIotaKappaPhi www.tri-ess.org, 319-390-6376 E-mail: Georgia georgia523@yahoo.com E-mail: Judy marlenemarschel@yahoo.com

St. Lukes Episcopal Church 2410 Melrose Dr, Cedar Falls, IA 50613 www.st-lukes-episcopal.org Services: Sunday 8:00 & 10:15, Thurs 11:30 319-277-8520 Together For Youth 233 Vold Dr, Waterloo, IA 50703 www.TogetherForYouth.net 319-274-6768 UNI-LGBTA Alliance-Student Organization 244A Bartlet Hall, University of Northern Iowa Cedar Falls 50613 lgbta@uni.edu 319-222-0003 United Church of Christ Cedar Falls 9204 University Avenue, Cedar Falls 319-266-9686 Unitarian Universalist Society of Black Hawk County 3912 Cedar Heights Dr, Cedar Falls, IA 319-266-5640

Cedar Rapids/marion Adult Shop 630 66th Ave SW, 319-362-4939 Adult Shop North 5539 Grain Lane, 319-294-5360 Club Basix Open 5pm to 2am M-F, Sat & Sun 3pm-2am 3916 1st Ave. NE, Cedar Rapids www.clubbasix.com 319-363-3194 Coe Alliance Education, activism & fun for GLBTQ and straight students, staff and people from the community. Coe College 1220 First Ave NE, Cedar Rapids, IA 52402 For information contact: coealliance@coe.edu or Erica Geers, faculty advisor at 319-861-6025 CSPS Legion Arts Contemporary Arts Center 1103 3rd St. SE info@legionarts.org 319-364-1580 Faith UMC 1000 30th Street NE, Cedar Rapids, 52402 Pastor Kathy Moore Sunday services at 11:00am. www.crfaithumc.org 319-363-8454 Foundation 2 Crisis Counseling 24-hour telephone crisis counseling. f2crisis@aol.com or www.f2online.org 1540 2nd Ave. SE Cedar Rapids, IA 319-362-2174 or 800-332-4224 GLRC of Cedar Rapids Support, social activities lnfo@crglrc.org www.crglrc.org or, write to P.O. Box 1643 Cedar Rapids 52406-1643 Call and leave a message -- all calls will be returned. 319-366-2055 Hamburger Mary’s 222 Glenbrook Dr., Cedar Rapids, IA 52403 319-378-4627 www.hamburgermaryscr.com www.myspace.com/hamburgermaryscr Krug Law Firm 6 Hawkeye Drive, Suite 103 North Liberty, IA 52317 319-626-2076 Linn County Public Health 501 13th NW Free confidential HIV testing, 319-892-6000

CLINTON Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of Clinton 309 30th Avenue North, Clinton, IA 52732 (563) 242-4972 - uuclinton.org Sunday services at 10:30 (year-round) Where YOUR spiritual and ethical journey is welcome! Rev. Ruby Nancy, minister

Council Bluffs, Omaha(Ne)

AUGUST 2010 Romantix Council Bluffs (North) (Adult Emporium) 3216 1st Ave. Council Bluffs, IA 51501-3353 http://www.romantixonline.com 515-955-9756 Tri-ess Chapter, Kappa Phi Lambda Chapter Omaha, NE 68107 We are a transgendered organization supporting crossdressers, their families, and friends. www.tri-ess.org, 402-960-9696 E-mail: Judy marlenemarschel@yahoo.com Romantix Council Bluffs (South) (Romantix After Dark) 50662 189th St, Council Bluffs, Ia 51503 http://www.romantixonline.com 712-366-1764 Youth Support Group for GLBT Youth 13-21, meets twice monthly. Omaha, NE 402-291- 6781.

Decorah Decorah Human Rights Commission Contact: City Clerk 400 Clairborne Dr, Decorah 563-382-3651 Meetings: First Tuesdays, 5:30pm Luther College Student Congregation Contact Office for College Ministry 700 College Dr, Decorah, IA 52101 563-387-1040. PFLAG Northeast IA (Waukon/Decorah) First Lutheran Church 604 W Broadway St, Decorah, IA Meetings: 4th Mondays, 7pm-9pm in the Fellowship Hall Call Jean @ 563-535-7680

AIDS Interfaith Network 100 N. 62nd, Omaha, NE Call Br. Wm. Woeger 402-558-3100

PRIDE Luther College Diversity Center, 700 College Dr, Decorah, IA 52101 Contact Chris at 563-387-2145 or Melanie at 563-387-1273

Citizens For Equal Protection 1105 Howard St, Suite #2, Omaha, NE 68102 www.cfep-ne.org info@cfep-ne.org 402-398-3027

Unitarian Universalist Fellowship Meets alternating Sundays at 10:30am, Decorah Senior Center 806 River St Call Bill at 563-382-3458.

Council Bluffs NOW Write PO Box 3325 Omaha, NE 68103-0325 DC’s Saloon 610 S. 14th St., Omaha, NE Open everyday 2pm-1am, western/levi/leather. 402-344-3103 Diamond Bar 712 S. 16th St., Omaha, NE 10am - 1am, M-Sa, closed Sun 402-342-9595 Front Runners/Front Walkers Walking/jogging club. P.O. Box 4583, Omaha, NE 68104 402-496-3658. Gilligan’s Pub and Grill 1407 Harney Omaha, NE Everyday 4pm-1am. Friday and Sat. After hours 12-4am 402-449-9147 GLBT Rainbow Outreach Omaha Serving GLBT community in eastern Nebraska and western Iowa. Excellent message and info. Also office for Imperial court of Nebraska. 1719 Leavenworth St, Omaha, NE www.rocc.org 402-341-0330 Heartland Gay Rodeo Association (HGRA) (Midwest Division of the International Gay Rodeo Association) PO Box 3354, Omaha, NE 68103 www.hgra.net - 402-203-4680 HGRA serves both Iowa and Nebraska Imperial Court of Nebraska P.O. Box 3772, Omaha, NE 68103 402-556-9907 L.E.O. (Leather Engineers of Omaha) Educational-social group for Gay Men with interest in Leather Lifestyle. Meets 2nd Saturday at Gilligan’s Pub at 7:00pm. L.E.O. PO Box 8101 Omaha, NE 68108. The Max 1417 Jackson at 15th, Omaha, NE 68102 6 bars in 1 402-346-4110 MCC Omaha 819 South 22nd P.O. Box 3173, Omaha, NE 68103 Sun 9 & 11 am Wednesday “ReCharge” Worship, Wed 7pm 402-345-2563 PFLAG Omaha Mead Hall, First United Methodist Church 7020 Cass St. (Omaha) 2nd Thursday, 7, 6:30 Social time 402-291-6781 River City Mixed Chorus Gay/lesbian chorus PO Box 3267 Omaha, NE 68103 Call Stan Brown, marketing 402-341-7464.

Des Moines AIDS Project of Central Iowa Free HIV testing, prevention supplies, care services, food pantry, information. 711 E. 2nd, Des Moines, IA 50309 515-284-0245 Blazing Saddle 416 E 5th St www.theblazingsaddle.com 515-246-1299 Buddies Corral 418 E 5th St, Des Moines, IA 515-244-7140 The CENTER 1300 Locust; The new LGBT and progressive place to be. thecenterdm@gmail.com Church of the Holy Spirit-MCC Pastor Pat Esperanza Sunday service 10:30am at the 1st Christian Church 2500 University, Des Moines chsmccdmia@aol.com 515-287-9787. Des Moines Gay Men’s Chorus 515-953-1540 PO Box 12269, Des Moines, IA 50312 dmgmc@mchsi.com www.dmgmc.org. Family Practice Center Safe, supportive LGBT health care. 200 Army Post Road, Ste 26 www.ppgi.org 515-953-7560 First Friday Breakfast Club Educational breakfast club for gay/bisexual men. Meets first Friday of each month. Contact Jonathan Wilson for meeting topic and place. Jonathanwilson@davisbrownlaw.com 515-288-2500 First Unitarian Church 1800 Bell Avenue Services Sundays at 9:30 & 11am 515-244-8603 The Gallery (adult store) 1000 Cherry St Des Moines, IA 50309-4227 (515) 244-2916 Open 24 Hours www.LoversPlayground.com The Garden 112 SE 4th Des Moines, IA 515-243-3965 Wed-Sun. 8pm-2am www.grdn.com Gay & Lesbian AA & AI-Anonymous Mon. 7 pm; Tues. - Thurs. 6 pm; Sat. 5:30 pm at Drake Ministries in Ed. Bldg. 28th & University Gay and Lesbian Issues Committee 4211 Grand Avenue, Level-3 Des Moines, IA 50312 515-277-1117

AUGUST 2010 Iowa Affirmation Lesbian/Gay United Methodist Thoreau Center, 35th & Kingman Blvd. Write Affirmation PO Box 1726, Des Moines, IA 50309 Java Joe’s Gay friendly 214 4th St. 515-288-5282 Lavender Victory Fund Financial assistance for women in need for medical emergencies. 700 Rose Ave, Des Moines, IA 50315 Contact Bonnie at 515-244-7946 Le Boi Bar 508 Indianola Rd, Des Moines, IA Liberty Gifts 333 E. Grand Ave., Loft 105, Des Moines, IA Gay owned specialty clothing, jewelry, home decor. Libertygiftsonline.com 515-508-0825 MINX Show Palace 1510 N.E. Broadway Des Moines, IA 50313 Open 9am - 2am, M-Th; 9am - 4am, F-Sat. 10am -9pm Sun. 515-266-2744

Section 3: Community Walnut Hills UMC Join us at 8:30 or 10:30am for Sunday worship. Sunday classes and group studies are at 9:30am. 12321 Hickman Rd. Urbandale, IA 50323 515-270-9226. Westminster Presbyterian Church 4114 Allison Ave. www.westpres.org Sunday services 8:45 and 11am. Of note is their Gay Lesbian Straight Affirmation small group ministry. 515-274-1534 Word of God Ministries Join us at 3:30 for Sunday Worship at 3120 E. 24th St, Des Moines, IA Mailing address: PO Box 4396, Des Moines IA 50333 515-276-6614 Women’s Culture Collective (WCC) A lesbian social group. Des Moines, IA www.iowawcc.org Zanzibar’s Coffee Adventure Open daily. Gay-friendly 2723 Ingersoll, Des Moines, IA 515-244-7694.

Dubuque

National Association of Social Workers (NOW) (Nat’1 Organization of Women in Des Moines) http://www.meetup.com/locale/us/ia/desmoines

Adult Warehouse 975 Jackson St., Dubuque, IA 563-588-9184.

North Star Gay Rodeo Association of IGRA, Iowa Division of North Star NSGRA@ NSGRA.org or 612-82RODEO

The Q 920 Main Street, Dubuque, IA Open Mon - Sun, 7pm to 2am. www.myspace.com/qbar_dbq 563-557-7375

Rainbow Union, Drake University Contact Sara Graham ru@drake.edu PFLAG Des Moines 515-537-3126 or write 3520 Grand Ave #51, Des Moines, IA 50312 Plymouth Congregational UCC Church and the Plymouth GLBT Community 4126 Ingersoll Ave. 515-255-3149 Services at 5:30pm Sat, 9am & I lam Sunday. www.PlymouthGLBT.com Polk County Health Department Free STD, HIV, and Hepatitis B & C testing. HIV. Rapid testing also offered. 1907 Carpenter, Des Moines, IA 515-286-3798. Raccoon River Resort Accommodations for men, women, or mixed in campgrounds, lodge, Teepees or Treehouses. Reservations: 515-996-2829 or 515-279-7312

Dubuque Friends Worship Group (Quakers) Tired of being rejected by your church? Tired of following church pronouncements that smack of homophobia? Join us at an unprogrammed meeting on Sunday at 10am. Open and Affirming St. Mark’s Community Center 1201 Locust Street, Dubuque, Iowa 52001 563-556-3685 for info and directions Dubuque Pride Monthly social group, meeting for meal and conversation. www.dubuquepride.org Dubuque Regional AIDS Coalition Direct services, education. HIV+/AIDS support group and family/friends support group. Contact Kay Auderer or Connie Sprimont, Mercy Health Center. 563-589-9606. PFLAG Dubuque St. John’s Lutheran Church 1276 White St. 3rd Thursday, 7pm 563-582-9388

Ritual Café On 13th between Grand and Locust. ritualcafe@aol.com Gay owned great music, awesome food and coffee. 515-288-4872

Q Bar 920 Main St, Dubuque, IA, 52001 563-557-7375 The only gay owned & operated All Lifestyle Bar and Dance Club in the Tri-State area www.facebook.com/qbar.dubuque

Romantix North Des Moines Iowa (Bachelor’s Library) 2020 E. Euclid Ave, Des Moines, IA 50317 www.romantixonline.com 515-266-7992

Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of Dubuque 1699 Iowa St., Dubuque, IA “The uncommon denomination.” Adult religious education meets Sunday at 9am before general services at 10am. www.uuf-dbq.org. 563-583-9910

Romantix 1401 E. Army Post Rd. Des Moines IA 50320-1809 http://www.romantixonline.com/ 515-256-1102 SOFFA Iowa (Significant Others Family Friends and Allies of people who fall under the Gender Variant umbrella) Monthly meetings held at The CENTER, 1300 Locust contact Jaye at: (515)779-5185 thecentersoffaiowa@gmail.com Spouses of Lesbians & Gays Contact Ruth Schanke, 515-277-3700 St. John’s Lutheran Church 600 6th Ave “A Church for All People.” Services Sat 5pm, Sun 7:45, 8:45 & 11am. See web page for other services. 515-243-7691 www.stjohnsdsm.org TransformationsIOWA Monthly meetings for the female to male, male to female, transgender community, cross dressers, gender queer, questioning, and their significant others. For location and info, email Jayden at thecenterdmtrans@gmail.com or call 515-779-5187 Trinity United Methodist Church 1548 Eighth Street Services Sundays at 10a.m. 515-288-4056 Urbandale UCC An open & affirming congregation. 3530 70th St., Urbandale, IA 50322 515-276-0625.

Fort Dodge Romantix Fort Dodge (Mini Cinema) 15 N. 5th St, Fort Dodge, IA 50501-3801 http://www.romantixonline.com

Grinnell Saints Ephrem & Macrina Orthodox Mission. Welcoming worship in the Eastern Christian liturgical tradition. Sunday services at 10am. (Affiliated with the Orthodox-Catholic Church of America.) 1226 Broad Street, Grinnell, IA 641-236-0936 Stonewall Resource Center Open 4:30pm to 11:30pm, Sun through Thurs and by Appointment. Grinnell College 1210 Park Street PO Box B-1, Grinnell, IA, 50112 srcenter@grinnell.edu 641-269-3327

INDIANOLA Crossroads United Church of Christ (UCC) An Open & affirming congregation. Services: Sunday 10:30am, Summer worship: June, July, Aug, @ 9:30 am, worshiping in the Lounge at Smith Chapel, Simpson College, corner of Buxton and Clinton. Mailing address: P.O. Box 811, Indianola, IA 50125 515-961-9370.

Iowa City AA (GLBT) Meetings Sundays 5 - 6pm at First Baptist Church, 500 North Clinton Street. For more info, call IC Intergroup Answering Service, 319-338-9111

Congregational Church UCC An Open and Affirming Congregation Sunday Worship 9:15am (July & August) 30 N. Clinton St. (across from Ul Pentacrest) 319-337-4301 - www.uiccic.org Counseling Clinic Lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender sensitive and supportive counseling for individuals, couples, families and groups. Sliding Fee. 505 E Washington St., Iowa City, IA 52240 319-354-6238. Counseling and Health Center Client-centered therapy. Les-Bi-Gay-Trans always welcome. 616 Bloomington St, Iowa City, IA 319-337-6998. Crisis Center 1121 Gilbert Court, Iowa City, 52240 319-351-0140. Emma Goldman Clinic 227 N. Dubuque St, Iowa City, IA 52245 319-337-2111or 1-800-848-7684. Faith United Church of Christ 1609 De Forest Street, Iowa City, IA Services Sundays at 9:30 a.m. 319-338-5238 GLBTAU-U of l Student support system and resource center, info, activism, events, and other community involvements. 203 IMU, University of IA Iowa City, IA 52242-1317 glbtau@uiowa.edu 319-335-3251 (voice mail) Hope United Methodist Church Worship Service at 9:30am. 2929 E. Court St., Iowa City, IA Contact Rev. Sherry Lohman. 319-338-9865 ICARE Iowa Center for AIDS Resources & Education Practical & emotional support, youth programs, information, referrals and support groups. 3211 E 1st Iowa City, IA 52240-4703 319-338-2135. Iowa City Free Medical Clinic Free & strictly confidential HIV Testing. 2440 Towncrest Dr Iowa City, Call for appointment 319-337-4459 Iowa City NOW PO Box 2944, Iowa City, IA 52244 for information & meeting times/places Iowa Women’s Music Festival P.O. Box 3411, Iowa City, IA 52244 319-335-1486 Krug Law Firm 6 Hawkeye Drive, Suite 103 North Liberty, IA 52317 319-626-2076 Men Supporting Men HIV prevention program exploring issues that gay/bisexual men deal with on a daily basis. Discussion Groups, Educational Series, Safer Sex Workshops, Book Club. Contact Andy Weigel, email: aweigel@co.johnson.ia.us 319-356-6038, Ext 2 New Song Episcopal Church 912 20th Ave, Coralville, IA Sunday services at 1Oam. Rev. Elizabeth Coulter, Pastor Rev. John Harper, Associate. 319-351-3577 Pride Committee WRAC 130 N. Madison, Iowa City, IA 52242 Bridget Malone - 319-338-0512 Charles Howes - 319-335-1486. Romantix Iowa City (Pleasure Palace I) 315 Kirkwood Ave, Iowa City, IA 52240-4722 http://www.romantixonline.com 319-351-9444 Studio 13 13 S. Linn St. (in the Alley) Iowa City, IA Open 7pm ‘til 2am, daily 319-338-7145 Thich Nhat Hanh based “Mindfulness” meditation and study group Iowa City Public Library, Sundays 1 to 2:30pm Usually Room E 319-354-4065 U of I Lesbian, Gay & Bisexual Staff & Faculty Association c/o WRAC 130 N. Madison, Iowa City, IA 52242 319-335-1486 Unitarian Universalist Society of Iowa City Inclusive and free religious community nurturing intellectual and spiritual growth and fostering ethical and social responsibility. 10 S. Gilbert, Iowa City, IA Sunday services: 9am & 10:45am. www.uusic.org 319-337-3443

United Action for Youth (UAY) A GLBTQA youth group providing support and counseling for teenagers and young adults processing sexual identity issues. Meets Mondays 7-9pm at UAY 410 Iowa Ave. Iowa City, IA 319-338-7518 or Teen Line, 319-338-0559. The Ursine Group Bear Events in the Midwest. PO Box 1143, Iowa City, IA 52244-1143 319-338-5810 Vortex Gifts 211 E. Washington, downtown Iowa City 319-337-3434 Women’s Resource Action Center (WRAC) Leads & collaborates on projects that serve Uofl & the greater community, offers social & support services, including LGBT Coming Out Group. University of Iowa 130 N. Madison, Iowa City, IA 52242 319-335-1486

Malcom Iowa Gay Rodeo Association (IAGRA) 921 Diagonal Rd, Malcom, IA 50157 polebender60@yahoo.com 641-990-1411

Marshalltown Adult Odyssey (Adult Video Store) 907 Iowa Ave E - 641-752-6550 Domestic Violence Alternatives/ Sexual Assault Center, Inc. 24 hour Crisis Line: 641-753-3513 or (instate only) 800-779-3512

MASON CITY Cerro Gordo County Dept. of Public Health 22 N. Georgia Ave, Ste 300 Mason City, Iowa 50401. Free confidential AIDS testing. 641-421-9306 PFLAG North Iowa Chapter 1st Presbyterian Church 100 S. Pierce. 1st/ 2nd Monday (alternating), 7pm 641-583-2848

Mount Vernon Alliance Cornell College 810 Commons Cir # 2035 alliance@cornellcollege.edu www.cornellcollege.edu/alliance Contact person: Glynnis 319-895-5874

NEWTON PFLAG Newton UCC Church, 308 E 2nd St N 3rd Thursday, 7pm 641-521-7436

Pella Common Ground (Central College) Support group for GLBT students and allies. Contact: Brandyn Woodard, Director of Intercultural Life woodardb@central.edu 641-628-5134

Quad Cities AIDS Project Quad Cities Info, education & support. Ste 360 1351 Central Park West Davenport, IA 52804 563-421-4266. Augie’s Tap 313 20th St, Rock Island (IL) Noon - 3am daily. 309-788-7389 Black Hawk College Unity Alliance Serving GLBT community at Black Hawk College. 6600 34th Ave, Rock Island, IL 309-716-0542. Connections Nightclub 822 W 2nd St, Davenport, IA 52802 Phone: (563) 322-1121 DeLaCerda House Provides housing and supportive services, advocacy and referrals for people living with HIV/AIDS. P.O. Box 4551, Rock Island, Il. 61201 309-786-7386. The Hole-In-The-Wall A Private Membership Men’s Club Located 3 miles east of Galesburg, IL just north of I-74 at Exit 51 309-289-2375 www.HoleInTheWallMensClub.org Holy Spirit Catholic Faith Community Meets one Sunday per month for Mass at 6:30pm at MCC-QC 3019 N. Harrison St, Davenport, IA Mailing: PO Box 192 East Moline, IL 61244 For more info, call 309-278-3359 Mary’s On 2nd 832 W. 2nd St. Davenport, IA 563-884-8014.

ACCESSline Page 37 MCC Quad Cities - Svcs Sat 5pm, Sun 11am Bible study Wed 7pm 3019 N Harrison, Davenport, IA 52803 Call 563-324-8281. Men’s Coming Out/Being Out Group Meets 2nd & 4th Thursdays, 7pm. QCAD.OutForGood@GMail.com 309-786-2580 PFLAG Quad Cities Eldridge United Methodist Church 604 S.2nd St., (Eldridge) 1st Monday, 6:30 pm 563-285-4173 Prism (Augustana College) Augustana Gay-Straight Alliance Augustana Library 639 38th St, Rock Island, IL Contact Tom Bengston 309-794-7406. Quad Citians Affirming Diversity (QCAD) Social & support groups for lesbian, bi, and gay teens, adults, friends & families; newsletter. 309-786-2580 Community Center located at 1608 2nd Ave, Rock Island. Quad Cities Pride Chorus. At the MCC Church in D’port, 7pm Wed. qcswede64@aol.com Call Don at 563-324-0215 Rainbow Gifts www.rainbowgifts.net 309-764-0559 T.R. Video Adult books & video 3727 Hickory Grove Rd, Davenport, IA 563-386-7914. Venus News (Adult) 902 w. 3rd St, Davenport, IA 563-322-7576

SHENANDOAH PFLAG Shenandoah 712-246-2824

Sioux City Am. Business & Professional Guild. Gay Businessmen. Meets last Sat. of the month; ABPG P. O. BOX 72, Sioux City, 51102 abpguild@yahoo.com Grace United Methodist Church 1735 Morningside Avenue 712-276-3452. Jones Street Station (Bar) 412 Jones St. Nightly 6:00pm to 2:00am. 712-258-6922 Mayflower Congregational Church. 1407 West 18th Street Call 712-258-8278. Morningside College Lesbian/Gay/Bisexual Alliance Contact Professor Gail Dooley, Advisor Morningside College GSA 1501 Morningside Ave. Sioux City, IA 51106-1717 dooley@morningside.edu 712-274-5208 PFLAG Siouxland PO Box 1311, Sioux City, IA 51102 siouxlandPFLAG@aol.com Romantix Sioux City (Adult Emporium) 511 Pearl St, Sioux City, IA 51101-1217 St. Thomas Episcopal Church Service Sun 10:30am 406 12th St, Waverly, IA Rev Mary Christopher 712-258-0141 Western Iowa Tech. GSA widemal@juno.com for info. Zaner’s Bar 3103 N Hwy 75, Sioux City, IA 51105 Monthly drag shows & events; hometown bar for Imperial Court of Iowa’s Western Chapter 712-277-9575

Waverly Cedar Valley Episcopal Campus Ministry. 717 W. Bremer, (St. Andrew’s Episcopal) Waverly, IA www.episcoplcampus.org 319-415-5747 Gay, Lesbian Bisexual Student Alliance Wartburg College, Waverly, IA 50677 Contact Susan Vallem 319-352-8250 St. Andrew’s Episcopal Church 717 W. Bremer We welcome all to worship with us on Sunday at 10:30 am. Bible discussion Wed. 6:45pm Rev. Maureen Doherty, Pastor 319-352-1489

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Section 3: Community

AUGUST 2010

Section 3: Community

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