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2 MinnKids – September 2010 – www.mnkids.com
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3
Feeling
overwhelmed? by Mindy Mateuszczyk It all started with the words, “Mommy, I had an accident.” In the midst of shuffling Andrew’s bed sheets to the laundry, Emma announced her presence with her trademark bellow.With a toddler on my hip, I returned to the task of bathing Andrew who was holding court with the bath toys and what used to be a full bottle of bubble soap –but now in its bubbly form threatened to spill over the edge of the tub. In the middle of Andrew’s pirate quest to find treasure, the phone rings, so I yank him out of the tub, white soapy beard dripping, and wrap him in a towel. Shuttling both kids to another room, I search for the phone.Three cordless phones and not one of them are on a receiver. Normally I would just let it ring but I’m expecting an important call. I’ll have to check caller I.D. later since I
notice the time and realize I’m running 20 minutes late already. It’s only Monday and the vow I made to myself to make homemade breakfasts all week is shattered as I search the cabinets in vain for something that will pass as a wholesome breakfast for a kindergartener. Pudding suddenly seems like a winner with its combined properties of dairy and chocolate. Milk, it does a body good, right? I manage to get Emma’s diaper changed and put her in a new outfit but I can’t find her shoes anywhere. Andrew can’t find his either. In the middle of the great shoe hunt, he produces a field trip permission slip that was due Friday and begins to cry. I reassure him that if we send it in with the money today that I’m sure he will still be able to go on the trip. I begin to search for the checkbook when I hear Emma at the window, “Wheels on the bus go round and
Get over it and get
organized
r e t f A
e r o Bef round…” As I turn around she’s waving bye-bye to Andrew’s school bus steaming down the road, without him on it. He begins to cry harder; frantic he’s going to be late for school. I momentarily wish he was a teenager, all too happy to be late to school. I add searching for the car keys and my own shoes to the morning’s scavenger hunt. Several minutes and a rocketing stress level later, I somehow find everything I’m looking for, and usher the kids out the door with, “Hurry up or we’re going to be late.”These are words a 2year-old does not understand. I pick up Emma to speed up the process and in doing so, must have grabbed her a little too hard because she starts crying.Trying to buckle a crying toddler into their car seat is about as pleasant as a root canal when the Novocain has worn off. I pull into the school parking lot in the nick of time. I uncross my fingers and breathe a sigh of relief that the cop I passed on the way there had mercy on me even though I was going just a bit too fast. Harrowed and exhausted, we make the trek to the school door. I look down and realize my unpedicured feet are in dog-chewed flip flops, my hair is falling out of its makeshift ponytail and I’m still wearing my Mickey Mouse sweats (read: pajama pants).Thank goodness Emma is happy to be held since she is masking what would otherwise be the very obvious faux pas of forgetting to put on a bra before I braved going out in public.With that thought, I look back up and turn my make-up free face into the shining sun.Wait, that wasn’t the sun… turns out it was the sparkle of diamond earrings on the lobes of
the PTO president’s ears. “And how are you this glorious morning?” She asked me with her pearly white smile. Did I even brush my teeth yet? I can’t remember. Standing there, we must have looked like the before and after models of a makeover. Sadly, I am the before picture, Pathetic Betty.The problem is I almost never seem to shift out of that mode. It’s only 9 a.m. and I feel like I’ve fought World War III and know I will return to a house that has the remnants of battle shredded all over it. Meanwhile, Mrs. Perfect PTO Mom is all put-together in her tailored pin-striped business suit, updo and matching diamond earrings.What has happened to me? How can some parents still manage to keep it together while others, like me, feel like they are always about to go down with the ship? If only I could get organized once and for all. But I feel so overwhelmed, where do I start? Do you see yourself in this mother’s journal entry? Whether a Pathetic Betty, a Perfect PTO Mom or somewhere in between, most parents have felt overwhelmed by the additional responsibilities that parenthood brings; not to mention how someone so small can so innocently derail the best laid plans. “Disorganization causes an enormous amount of stress,” said Robbie Deering, owner of Balance Your Life, LLC. “You sit and think, ‘I have this mess I need to deal with it’ and get overwhelmed.” ORGANIZED:TO PAGE 10
4 MinnKids – September 2010 – www.mnkids.com
In the Community, With the Community, For the Community
What does high quality childcare look like? by Meghan Gutzwiller Not too many things are more nervewracking for parents than putting their child into a new childcare arrangement.There’s a lot to consider and a lot at stake, since many children of working parents spend more waking hours with their childcare provider than at home during the weekday. Every family deserves high quality childcare that they can depend on to be safe and enjoyable, whether it’s in your own home, at a home-based daycare or center-based care. The ratio of childcare providers to children is an important factor to consider so you can feel confident that your child is getting enough one-on-one time and attention from their caregiver. According to Minnesota’s child care licensing agency, the ratios of staff members to children in center-based care are as follows: one caregiver for every four infants (12 months and under), one for every seven tod-
Childcare around the world
dlers (12-30 months), one for every 10 preschool age children and one for every 15 school age children. Family-based care’s ratios are not as cut and dried, with Minnesota allowing for seven different ratio classes depending on the number of various age groups.When you visit, check to see that there is enough space for all the children to move and play freely and that they seem to have adequate supervision and interaction time with caregivers.
Minnesota Kids is a publication of Sun Newspapers, 10917 Valley View Road, Eden Prairie, MN 55344 minnkids.com
“The bottom line is the relationship between the caregiver and the children,” said Elizabeth Cooper of Minnesota Childcare Resource and Referral Network, an organization that helps families find childcare and understand their options. “Wherever they are cared for, nurturing care really means everything to kids.” In addition to their expertise and affection for working with children, providers should also have the proper safety knowledge, such as CPR and SIDS training. In regards to the physical environment, safety and cleanliness also deserve top consideration when you are checking out a childcare option outside of your own home. Is there a designated diapering area with all the necessary equipment at arm’s reach, including disposable gloves and sanitizing spray for the changing surface? Are the toys disinfected regularly and do they appear unbroken, clean and include plenty of ageappropriate options for your child? Other things to check for include outlet covers, smoke detectors, fire extinguishers and a fire escape plan. Make sure that heavy objects such as televisions or high shelving is secured so it cannot topple on a child. If you have found an organized childcare provider you will likely receive a variety of forms when signing your child up for care. One of the most important ones to note from a safety standpoint is the pick-up policy. The child should never be allowed to
Executive Editor: Peggy Bakken Sales Manager: Nathen Bliss Group Publisher: Jeff Coolman
Staff Writers: Mindy Mateuszczyk, Meghan Gutzwiller, Teri Willenbring Cover Design: Elli Martin
FRANCE was one of the first countries to create an extensive childcare infrastructure, including many state-run facilities. The French government heavily subsidizes childcare. In JAPAN, lack of accessibility to childcare forces many new mothers out of the workforce. Childcare is becoming increasingly privatized to help remedy the country’s shortage of providers. GERMANY is noted for having one of the most difficult childcare situations in Europe. A recent survey by Germany’s Center of Excellence for Women in Science suggested that more than 40 percent of academic women choose not to have children and many others leave their professions upon becoming mothers. MEXICO has one of the most gruesome childcare headlines in recent history, when 35 children were killed in a childcare center fire last June. The center had only one functioning exit and six staff members to supervise 142 children, a ratio in keeping with legal standards.
leave with someone other than a parent unless the parent has given a written note stating otherwise. The provider should check their identification before allowing your child to leave the premises. Why should you decline a potential childcare option? Cooper said that if the provider doesn’t have an open-door policy where parents can drop in at any time, keep looking. “Choosing childcare is a complex set of choices,” Cooper said. “There’s no perfect childcare setting for every child, but there is a perfect childcare setting for your child.”
www.mnkids.com – September 2010 – MNKids
In the Community, With the Community, For the Community
5
For thousands of students, it’s time to for ‘back-to-(home)-school’ by Mindy Mateuszczyk The day after Labor Day is marked on almost every Minnesota family’s calendar with schoolaged children. It’s the day thousands of students filed into classrooms, many of them overcrowded; ready to start another year of school. Meanwhile, the three Balmanno children from Elk River will pile into their car and head south. The post-Labor Day road trip is a tradition the Balmanno family began to celebrate Not-Back-ToSchool. Beth Balmanno, president of Minnesota Homeschoolers Alliance (MHA), likes to combine celebrating the freedom and flexibility that homeschooling has infused in her family’s life along with travel bargains that are sure to be had after school is back in session. Last year the Balmannos traveled the west.This year they plan to make it to Dallas,Texas. But Beth doesn’t worry about planning out a strict itinerary for their trip. “Part of the fun of a road trip is finding those things you don’t plan,” she said.“When you have time to be flexible and to explore, some of the best things are the unexpected things.That’s true of homeschooling too.” Although she has been known to follow a structured curriculum and participate in radical unschool-
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ing methods,nowadays Beth considers herself a classic homeschooling parent blending the two philosophies into what works best for her family. Balmanno first got into homeschooling 7 years ago because of the multiple transitions her kindergarten-bound daughter would undergo moving from school to school over the following three years thanks to explosive growth in the area they lived in Virginia. “Although some people do, I don’t homeschool for religious reasons or philosophical reasons; I just choose to do it because we like to be together, to learn together and to travel.All those things are so much easier without outside schedules,” said Beth. She had so much fun the first year, she has continued homeschooling.Today, she is the primary educator for her three children, Hayley, 11; Nick, 9 and Julia, 4. The MHA is 400-member statewide organization that provides support for homeschoolers and their parents. “Being connected to other homeschoolers is a lifeline both for home educators and for kids,” said Beth.“There’s a huge misconception that kids don’t socialize, but we have plenty of oppor-
tunities for that from park days to co-op learning classes and other activities.” Beth’s children don’t have to wait in long lunch lines or raise their hand to get permission for a bathroom break, but they do participate in school supplies and clothes shopping. “It’s so much cheaper to buy school supplies at this time of year and by nature with the
change of seasons we go out and buy fall and winter clothes,” she said. Just as the Balmannos hit the road for a NotBack-To-School road trip, she says many homeschool families participate in a daylong Not-BackTo-School picnic in a local park. HOMESCHOOL:TO PAGE 8
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6 MinnKids – September 2010 – www.mnkids.com
In the Community, With the Community, For the Community
After the bell rings… managing the mayhem of extracurricular activities
Home school, online classes offer flexibility, greater challenge for local teen Noah Gruber, 14, of Maple Grove, has been home schooled since 1st grade. He started 9th grade this fall. For the past 5 years he has taken classes through Connections Academy, another online school available for Minnesota students. In addition to regular core classes he’s studied Spanish, computer programming and is starting a photography class all online. These are choices that wouldn’t have been available to him in the public school at the time he studied them online. “It’s nice because if you need help there are online teachers whenever you need them,” he said. Even though he doesn’t go back to an actual classroom in a building with new friends, he says he still goes shopping for new clothes and school supplies because he needs them anyway. “I like being home schooled because I can do more challenging things,” Gruber said.“I don’t have to wait for other kids when I want to do something else.” As for his social life, Gruber is active in community theater and the 4-H Dog Bowl, a big competition about dog trivia.Through his extracurricular activities, he has met “a ton of friends.” Gruber has friends of all ages from all over the metro. He and another friend from Blaine have started writing scripts and directing short films together.They have gotten a lot of their friends in on the act.
Noah Gruber, left, enjoys backstage life with Angie Ramsdell (right), of Dayton and Arie Cohen (center), of Minnetonka. The trio appeared in the Cross Community Players production of Willy Wonka at Osseo Senior High School this past summer. (Photo by Mindy Mateuszczyk)
by Mindy Mateuszczyk Getting kids ready for another year of school involves a lot of shopping. There’s shopping for clothes, shopping for lunch box items, shopping for school supplies and even shopping for extracurricular activities. From sports leagues to art classes, Lego leagues and foreign language studies, the vast array of after school opportunities for youth is overwhelming. It can be easy to get carried away with over scheduling, especially if there’s an element of “keeping up with the Joneses” added to the mix. Licensed Psychologist Catherine Mollner, who works with St. Paul’s Midwest Center of Personal and Family Development, offers key insight in taking the stress out of after school schedule. “It’s important to ask ourselves, ‘Are we living vicariously through our kids?’” Mollner said. She suggests parents take a step back and evaluate who is driving the experience, particularly if there is an emotional connection for one of the parents. For example, if a father who played football all his life signs his son up to play, it’s important to watch the child’s cues. Is the child excited to play? Does he get ready without complaining? Or is he hesitant and sullen? With so many more opportunities now than ever before, some parents may MAYHEM:TO PAGE 9
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by Teri Willenbring Butterflies in the stomach, sleepless nights, that combined feeling of anxiousness and anticipation. As parents, we all can remember those days as school fast approached. For our kids, however, it’s happening now. Transitions, whether moving from preschool into kindergarten or entering elementary, middle or high school, can be difficult. But there are ways parents can help make it a smoother experience. Research shows that the effects of a child’s home life, which can include daycare, is dependent on the quality of care
and the child experiences, the most relevant being social awareness. Children who are successful when entering all levels of school are those that have the social skills it takes to make friends easily and possess such qualities as listening to others, being able to communicate needs and being exited about and open to new activities. The most successful students, however, are first and foremost those that are responsible, said Monica Carson, an educator with the Buffalo school district for BUTTERFLIES:TO PAGE 11
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8 MinnKids – September 2010 – www.mnkids.com
Homeschool FROM PAGE 5
“It’s a celebration, the park is empty and it’s yours and your kids are out celebrating while other kids are in school,” said Balmanno. But homeschooling isn’t all merry-go-rounds and picnics in the park. “Homeschooled children don’t have to take
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In the Community, With the Community, For the Community
the MCAs but they must take a standardized test every year,” Beth said. Most students in Minnesota either take the CAT, California Achievement Test or the Peabody.The CAT is sent to the home, parent-administered and returned to be graded by a testing service. Beth says the Peabody is hugely popular and administered by a certified Peabody tester. It is an oral interview of knowledge where the tester determines on a sliding scale the student’s achievement level. In the past few years, a new education option has begun growing in popularity. It’s an option Beth says is a wonderful transitional zone for many families looking for an alternative to bricks and mortar schools but aren’t quite confident enough to leap into homeschooling.
DING! YOU’VE GOT SCHOOL More than 5,000 students in Minnesota have traded in bus rides to a brick and mortar school for the couch and a laptop. Online schools have popped up all over the city, many are affiliated with school districts. In Minnesota, there are close to a dozen online school options. Some schools cater strictly to high school students while others offer classes as young as Kindergarten. Just as Beth says online school curriculums offer a transitional opportunity for new homeschoolers, John Huber, principal of Insight School
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of Minnesota says higher level homeschoolers are a significant part of the student population transitioning to online schools. Insight is an online high school in its third year of operation in Minnesota. It’s affiliated with the Brooklyn Center School District.With an additional 18 years of experience in the bricks and mortar schools of Osseo School District Huber says online schools fill a gap. “It’s an option for students who for many reasons, find the traditional school setting doesn’t work for them,” he says. Many students comment they are looking for more one-on-one attention from their teachers or just don’t mesh well with the structure in the traditional school setting. Some prefer working at their own pace, which is difficult to achieve while learning in a traditional classrooms. Other students may have jobs, are teen moms or simply want to participate in courses they might otherwise not be able to with at their neighborhood school if it is overcrowded. Students also have the option to work a little bit every day on all their subjects or to focus on one or two subjects at a time before moving onto the next one or two.As long as all the coursework is completed by the semester deadline Huber says it doesn’t matter how students choose to work on it. Also, learning the material becomes a bigger factor for online schooling.The next unit isn’t unlocked to the student until they demonstrate proficiency on the test for the current unit. “In a regular classroom, a student might fail a unit test but the class as a whole will continue to move forward,” Huber says.The failing student will continue to struggle to keep up and it could have a snowball effect on their grades. “The most important factor in determining if a student will be successful in an online school is if they can work independently and are self-motivated,” Huber said.“The curriculum is laid out for students to learn at their own pace.They are guided by a licensed teacher along the way with regular lessons and the ability to communicate with teachers on a regular basis.” But if a student is simply looking for an easier route to a diploma, Huber says they won’t find that with an online curriculum. “Students will spend about as much time with the online curriculum as in a traditional school setting,” he says.“The difference is online school is more flexible.” Huber encourages students to pick a time that fits into their schedule and plan it in every day so they don’t fall behind. For some students the time they choose is much different than what is offered in a traditional classroom. “We have 5% of our students working on school from 11 p.m. to 3 a.m.,” Huber says. Since teachers set their hours based on their own schedules some are actually available to students during those middle of the night study sessions.
Thinking about online school? Insight School of Minnesota Principal John Huber offers a checklist for parents and students considering online school curriculums: 1. Does it meet your needs? 2. Know the school’s expectations. Some schools require students to participate at a specific time every day. Others provide more flexibility. 3.What are the options, the amount of coursework and the types of courses available? 4.What is the school’s reputation for communication with the family? Huber strives to offer plentiful communication opportunities both with the student and the student’s family.When considering online schools, be sure to find out about the school’s tech support, teacher support and other types of communication. For example, if there has been an absence from a student logging on, Insight students will receive reminder emails as will parents if an unexplained absence persists.
Like most online schools, Insight provides the necessary materials for students to complete their course work.A laptop, printer and other items are offered. Students taking a photography class will be loaned a camera just as students participating in chemistry will be supplied with the appropriate lab equipment to conduct the experiments specified on the curriculum. More interactive classes such as band, choir, theater and some art classes are a challenge for online schools to offer. In those cases, students are free to participate in those classes as they are available in their neighborhood bricks and mortar schools.They can also seek out many organizations that offer extra curricular activities to match their interests, although this option could require additional financing. Admittedly, Huber believes online school isn’t necessarily for everyone but it could be a great match for even more students than participate in it currently. Insight provides education to 450 students in four grades. “There’s a fear the curriculum won’t be on par with the level offered at a brick and mortar school,” Huber says.“But after coming out of that environment for 18 years, I’m impressed with the rigor we offer.” Families are also hesitant about the social aspects of online learning. But just as homeschool parent Beth says, Huber doesn’t believe online learners have a more restricted social life.There are plenty of options for socializing both in and out of the school setting. One thing Huber offers for Insight students is several field trips throughout the year that double as social events.
www.mnkids.com – September 2010 – MNKids 9
In the Community, With the Community, For the Community
Mayhem FROM PAGE 6
push their children into activities they wish they could have tried when they were younger. Mollner says it’s important to keep in mind what the child’s interests are and to watch for signs that they are enjoying the activities they are participating in. While the common ice breaker question in the adult world is, “What do you do for a living?” in parenting circles that question is often, “What does little Johnny do after school?” Some parents respond with a list of activities that would exhaust even Lance Armstrong. Mollner urges parents to resist filling up all their children’s time with organized activities. How can a parent tell if their child is overscheduled? Mollner answers this first by saying, “if it looks difficult on paper, it will be even more difficult in reality.” She reminds parents to be sure to schedule in time for the unexpected, particularly when dealing with children and traffic. Other signs of the overscheduled child include fatigue, hunger and crabbiness. Alternately, a child who is overwhelmed may react by having trouble sleeping or overeating to compensate for the stress they are feeling. Slipping grades is another clue that should alert parents that after school activities should be reevaluated. “Family time is important too,” she said. In addition to the scheduling nightmare, the cost can quickly become prohibitive. Mollner says over time, the stress of too little time or too much cost probably won’t outweigh the benefit gained from any specific activity. On the other hand, parents who are faced with children begging to participate in an activity but struggle to find the money to fund the venture shouldn’t give up so easily. If the activity fits into the schedule, Mollner encourages parents to seek out scholarship opportunities and to talk to activity organizers to see if they can work out a feasible payment plan. “In a circumstance like this, parents may want to ask themselves, ‘Why am I so worried about disappointing my child?’” said Mollner. She suggests parents are often scared to disappoint their child or fear their child won’t be as prepared for their future if they don’t give them every possible opportunity available now.
From sports leagues to art classes, Lego leagues and foreign language studies, the vast array of after school opportunities for youth is overwhelming. It can be easy to get carried away with over scheduling, especially if there’s an element of “keeping up with the Joneses” added to the mix.
Instead, Mollner believes parents should ask themselves what costs they are not seeing on the surface. How much benefit is there from family time or free time to explore and discover on one’s own. Some activities such as dance can be found at various levels and price ranges. Maybe the solution is to forgo a private dance studio and take lessons through local community education programs. Schools, churches, parenting groups, online searches and advertisements in magazines and newspapers are primary sources when looking for all the options available. Word-of-mouth remains one of the most reliable sources when judging a program’s quality. “We are a product of our experiences and extracurricular activities definitely have redeeming value,” Mollner said. “But it’s important to calculate in time and cost factors. Also don’t underestimate the importance of parent involvement in a child’s life.” There are plenty of activities that parent and child can participate in together that will enrich a child’s life. A parent need only look at their own hobbies for a starting point. Perhaps a mother who loves to bake can teach her child special family recipes. Although Andrew Schuster, 8, of Rogers, participates in a handful of sports throughout the year, one of his favorite activities is spending time on the boat with his dad fishing and listening to Twins games on the radio. (Editor’s Note: Catherine Mollner has nearly 20 years of experience as a licensed psychologist and serves families all over the metro including individuals from Anoka, Woodbury, Edina and Burnsville.)
Keep your entire family healthy this season – get vaccinated against influenza Influenza is a serious respiratory illness that is easily spread and can lead to severe complications, even death, for you or someone with whom you come in contact. Each year in the U.S., on average, influenza and its related complications result in approximately 226,000 hospitalizations and 36,000 deaths. We all are “faces” of influenza and are at risk of contracting the virus.This year, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) issued a universal influenza vaccination recommendation to include everyone 6 months of age and older.The new recommendation reinforces annual influenza vaccination as a public health priority and highlights the need for people to talk to their health care provider about getting immunized this season. To help prevent influenza from spreading and to encourage influenza immunization, American Lung Association of Minnesota brings Faces of Influenza, a national educational campaign, to Minnesota.This multiyear public awareness initiative helps Americans put a “face” on this serious disease and recognize annual influenza immunization as an important preventive measure to help protect themselves, their loved
ones and their community every year. Vaccination is important for everyone in the U.S. However, influenza immunization rates in the highest-risk groups fall far short of public health goals every year. Groups at higher risk of influenza infection or complications include: people 50 years of age and older; children 6 months-18 years of age; pregnant women; people of any age with certain chronic medical conditions, such as asthma, chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD), heart disease, diabetes, and others; and residents of long-term care facilities and nursing homes. Annual immunization is also recommended for caregivers and household contacts of these high-risk groups, such as relatives and health care providers. This year, the seasonal influenza vaccine will include the 2009 pandemic H1N1 strain, so only the seasonal influenza vaccine will be needed. Vaccination is safe and effective, and the best way to help prevent influenza and its complications. For more information about influenza and immunization, visit www.facesofinfluenza.org.
10 MinnKids – September 2010 – www.mnkids.com
Organized FROM PAGE 3
After more than a decade working in administration where she spent countless hours creating organizational systems for businesses, Robbie Deering, of Minneapolis, has moved into helping families. In March 21010, she began her organizing and life coaching business. Clients often tell her they will walk into a room, look at it, don’t even know where to start and just walk away. “For some people it can consume a lot of time in their lives, not only constantly looking for things you can’t find but just thinking about it and having it looming over you.” Fall is the season of transitions; a time when leaves begin to turn color and the world prepares itself to hunker down for a long winter, at least here in Minnesota. It’s a time when children develop new routines as they head back to school.What better time is there to turn a new leaf of your own and grab the reins of a runaway house and get it back under control? Diana Allred, owner of Efficient Spaces in Wayzata, encounters people all over the organization spectrum every day. Allred is an organization professional who helps others, especially parents, maximize their time and space. She is a mother of a 3 and 5-year-old herself, so she understands the demands of motherhood. “This time of year is a perfect time to go through closets, mud room, papers, what don’t we need any longer,” said Allred. “Once you purge things out, you are more inclined to bring things in with less stress.” For some, the space that needs the most work is the space between a person’s ears. Allred says a big part of organizing your life and your house is about letting go. She says one big thing people have to let go of is the guilt.That guilt could be over the way things look now, the way things used to look or even the inability to achieve an impossible standard of perfection. “Being organized is not so much about perfection. Our society has somehow convinced ourselves if we can’t do it exactly right don’t bother at all.That’s not true,” said Allred. “There’s a mindset that the kids are going to mess it up anyway so why bother at all? At least get it done, even if it’s an 80/20 rule.” Finally, making up your mind to be organized is much like making up your mind to eat well and exercise. It takes willpower and a belief that the benefits are worth the effort. Once in the right mindset, how does one
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go about tackling the tangible aspects of organization? MAKE A PLAN Deering looks at her job working with a client as more than organizing the rooms in their house. “It’s not just organizing people’s stuff but helping them find something that fits for them,” said Deering. She says people can get caught up in what they’ve seen other people do or what the traditional expectation is for a space. “It’s more important to ask yourself, ‘How does this space function for you?’” Deering is a believer in looking at how a family already uses the space in their home and trying to fit together their routines to that current use. For example, if mom paints her nails in the kitchen, put the nail stuff in a kitchen cupboard. It is more likely to get put away in its appropriate spot if that spot is nearby than sitting on the counter cluttering it up because the stuff’s home is upstairs. Another way clutter sneaks up on people is not having a place for everything that comes into the house. “Maybe your children’s school stuff is all over the house because there isn’t one specific place for all of it to go,” says Deering. She suggests creating a homework station so everything has a place. For busy families it’s important to try to subscribe to the “touch it once” philosophy. When papers come home from school, if there’s a station set up with a calendar and mom’s checkbook in hand, it’s easier to deal with the field trip slips and lunch money notices right away versus setting them aside for later and losing them. “This is a biggie for mail and paper. If you don’t have a set home for them, they all get merged together and you end up not being able to find any of it when you need it,” says Allred. At this point, it’s important to think about how to downsize also. Allred says it’s crucial to be realistic about the space available and what to keep or throw away.This is the time to get tough and get creative. Perhaps online bill pay will help with the paper monster. Shopping at bulk stores can save money but when it comes at the cost of having your countertop full of monster sized cheese ball containers leaving no room for meal preparation, is it worth the cost? PREPARE TO PURGE When is comes to organizing, Allred subscribes to the acronym SPACE. Sort. Purge. Arrange. Containerize. Edit. “A lot of people decide they are going to get organized and go out and buy a bunch of containers,” Allred says. “They wonder why they have trouble following through. But
there’s an order to it.” She says you can’t purge without knowing what you have first.That’s where sorting comes into play. “You can’t arrange until you’ve purged and you can’t buy containers until you know what’s going to be contained in them,” she says. “Finally, you edit your area on a regular basis so you don’t have to do the whole acronym all over again.” Allred and Deering have seen clients hung up on their emotional attachment to stuff which can get in the way of purging. A significant struggle with emotional attachment is a sign that a professional organizer could be very helpful. “We don’t have the history behind the item,” Allred says. “We’re allowed to be a little more objective, honest and forthright.” It can be difficult to think of putting something still useful in the trash. “It’s amazing how many resources there are to recycle things,” says Allred. “So many things can be done with so many items. I try to help my clients get into the mindset that they are doing something better for other human beings, their environment and community. It seems to help with letting go.” Deering says it shocks some people to find she sold her wedding dress. “But the dress doesn’t keep the memories,” she says. “I have pictures of those memories and the dress looks way better in the pictures than hanging in the closet.” She tells clients getting rid of items doesn’t mean you lose the memories. “But if it’s not fitting in your space, it’s okay to let go of that thing,” she says. Allred tells her clients to ask themselves these questions when purging: Do I LOVE it? Do I NEED it? Do I USE it? Will I use it in the next 6 MONTHS? Can I DONATE it or give it to someone who will appreciate it more? Is it REPLACEABLE from an economic standpoint? The last question can be helpful when a client is wavering about a particular item. It also helps some people to realize that if they find they really need an item that they threw away, they can replace it. Of all the extra staplers, measuring cups and black t-shirts that take up space on desks, in closets or on counters most do not end up being replaced. BABY STEPS A common mistake for some people is getting a motivational burst to dive in and make sense of the mess once and for all. “Often what ends up happening is they dig in, make a huge mess and burn out
before finishing,” says Allred. “Then they can actually be worse off than when they started in the first place.” Allred reminds clients the disorganization in their homes didn’t happen overnight, so it will take time to dig out from under it. “You don’t have to spend three 8-hour days cleaning out the basement,” she says. “Instead, break it into smaller chunks.” Plan to spend 20 minutes a day, set a timer and when it goes off, be done for the day. “Don’t get so burdened that you get overwhelmed and begin hating the job.” It’s also easier to stay motivated if you set small goals and achieve them regularly versus living in a space that’s been torn apart. DEVELOP A ROUTINE Allred and Deering, as well as most professional organizers, believe in developing a routine to deal with your stuff. But Deering says developing a routine is not just about finding time to file your paperwork. “When you walk in the door, where do you set your things? Where do your children drop their school bags?” She asks clients. “Find out the spaces where things get dropped along the way into the house. Manage that right away when you come in.” This goes back to her philosophy of finding homes for items where they are most used. “Make it easy so you don’t have to think about it,” Deering suggests. Allred says if a regular routine includes editing items out of your home on a regular basis, it’s not so overwhelming as it is to leave it for just a few times a year. Allred encourages clients to pad their time when setting up a routine. “We are always rushing from one thing to the next, but we if slow down and build in a longer estimation of how much time something takes, an unexpected delay won’t throw things off so badly,” she says. A FAMILY AFFAIR Deering loved doing dishes when she was little. She’s not sure what her mom’s secret was but she thinks it has a lot to do with her mom getting right down beside her and helping her, teaching her how to do certain chores. “It wasn’t mom telling me, ‘Go clean your room.’ Instead it was, ‘Let’s do it together.’ It made it more fun and I was spending time with my mom,” explains Deering. “Don’t do everything for them but don’t necessarily make them do it all by themselves, especially when they are younger.” Both women believe family buy-in and ORGANIZED:TO PAGE 11
www.mnkids.com – September 2010 – MNKids
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Organized FROM PAGE 10
delegating chores to all family members, including the kids, is valuable. It’s always going to be a game of playing catch-up if one person is trying to manage the messes produced by a family of four or more. At some point, there’s just not enough time for one person to do it all. Deering believes asking children to participate in the household chores builds good life skills. “It teaches responsibility and holds them accountable,” says Deering. “Those are important qualities for life.” She believes that is the most important benefit families can get out of any efforts to organize, a little more peace and a lot more smiles all around. “Most people want to come home and feel relief and relaxed not tired and exhausted,” said Deering. “When I help a client get organized, they start recognizing those feelings and realize this is what I really need to do.”
Butterflies FROM PAGE 7
over 14 years. “Teaching your kids to be independent and self-reliant is paramount,” she said. What it comes down to, she said, is that parents must stress self-sufficiency, though of course at different levels. For example, Carson said, children should be able to tie their own shoes and go to the bathroom themselves before entering kindergarten. “Some children are so coddled before they start elementary school that they expect teachers to treat them the same way,” she said. For those going into the higher levels of school, parents often think that is the time to give them more space. They couldn’t be further from the truth. As kids move to middle school, they usually go from having one or two teachers to having several. Responsibility at
that juncture, Carson said, means being able to have communication skills to ask questions if they don’t understand something. “If students have difficulty with a particular subject or problem, they need to speak up and ask questions,” Carson said. “Teachers are not going to always ask if each individual student understands something.” When transitioning to high school, independence comes in a stronger way. “Students need to be self-advocates and be proactive in their own learning,” Carson said. This includes, she said, finding their way around a new, and often larger, building as well as setting up meetings with counselors about their goals while in high school – and beyond. But being self-reliant is only half the equation – students also need self-confidence. “Students who are more social definitely have an easier time transitioning into different school levels,” Tammy Peterson, a 10-year educator with the Minneapolis school district said.
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In addition, Peterson said, especially for kids entering middle school and high school, being involved in sports and school activities is important. “Having a support system made up of kids with the same interests helps kids shape their identity and feel comfortable in school,” she said. Of course, it’s sometimes easier when an older sibling has already gone through grade level changes, such as Lisa Anonen’s kids, Jake, 9, and Mitch, 7, who are enrolled in the Wayzata school district. “The best thing I ever did for my son was to bring him to his older brother’s school ever since he was young,” Anonen said. “Just wanting to be with his big brother was what got Mitch excited.” The most influential factor into how children deal with transition comes down to parents’ own reactions. “Parents need to show excitement about school,” Peterson said. “Encouraging kids to be involved in activities and supporting healthy friendships makes for the happiest kids.”
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12 MinnKids – September 2010 – www.mnkids.com
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