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Discovering The Mature Lifestyle Three generations under one Richfield roof - See next page

Across Generations

February 16, 2017

February Issue

Grandparents rely on faith in helping with grandkids

BY SUE WEBBER CONTRIBUTING WRITER

“We were their school bus. Jean and I shared the duties. You kind of go with the flow. You do a lot of praying and getting ready to put the keys in the car when someone needs a ride.�

Once or twice a week, the Allards have their daughter and

thing Jean enjoys twice a week. “It keeps my head on straight,� she said. “It’s so important for people with arthritis. It keeps me limber. And I enjoy the fellowship of the other women.�

Her religious faith and involvement at church also help

Jean and Pete Allard of Chanhassen maintain close ties with their daughter and granddaughters. (Submitted photo) nior in high school,� Jean said. “We go to all her school conferences and open houses, and we pick her up at school.�

When their granddaughters were both in high school and living with the Allards Pete said,

granddaughters over for dinner.

Every Saturday, Jean and her daughter sit down together to review her finances: “She’s debtfree,� Jean said.

Water aerobics at the Chaska Community Center is some-

to “keep her head on straight,�

Jean said. “We are good friends with our daughter. I’ve learned all the things not to say.�

Pete agrees. “Our faith means a lot to us, and we lean on that,� he said. “The good Lord takes

care of us. He has a plan for our lives, and we do what we can do. I have good peace of mind about this.�

Having grown up as an only child, Pete said, “When you have children, you kind of fly by the seat of your shorts. You get through by the grace of God. And then they grow up and you think, ‘I should have done this, or I should have done that.’ When grandkids come along, you have another opportunity.

You see life through different eyes. You give advice when asked.�

The Allards are rewarded with expressions of gratitude from their daughter and granddaughters, according to Jean. “They are so grateful and so expressive about it,� she said. “That goes a long way.� “We do have other friends who are helping out with grandkidsmaybe not as extensively- but definitely making a difference in their grandkids’ lives,� Jean said.

She cites an article called “Grandparents in the Gap� by Jay Kesler, former president of Taylor University, who spoke at a conference the Allards attended. “While it is spiritual, it certainly addresses what’s happening in our society now and in the past,� Jean said. “It was an inspiration to me way back in l999.� ALLARD - TO PAGE 9

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Adventures for a Lifetime

Jean and Pete Allard are both retired from their careers, but they arenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t retired from the job of being parents. â&#x20AC;&#x153;We never really quit,â&#x20AC;? Jean said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;We have a ministry under our roof.â&#x20AC;?

That description, she said, is their own, adapted from a phrase from a book by Max Lucato, as follows: â&#x20AC;&#x153;Your mission field is under your own roof.â&#x20AC;?

The Chanhassen couple, who have two sons, a daughter and four grandchildren, are especially close to their daughter, a single mother who has two daughters of her own. At one time, their daughter and granddaughters lived with Allards for 18 months.

That required â&#x20AC;&#x153;reconfiguring the bedrooms, and storing our daughterâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s possessions,â&#x20AC;? Pete said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;When our daughter was out of work, we paid expenses here and there and kept them going with the necessities of life.â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;Our daughter has always been a single parent,â&#x20AC;? Jean said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s really a tough row to be a single mom these days; itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s not been easy. We were her babysitters. We are helping her to be able to keep going. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s been an interesting ride. We donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t take any big, long vacations. You do what you have to do.â&#x20AC;?

The Allardâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s oldest grand-

daughter, 22, graduated with honors from Iowa State College in December and is living with her grandparents until she finds a job. She stayed with them during college breaks, as well. â&#x20AC;&#x153;We do a lot for our 17-yearold granddaughter, who is a ju-

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Excelsior-Shorewood Sun-Sailor

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Thursday, Feb. 16, 2017

Across Generations February 2017 Issue

Discovering The Mature Lifestyle February 16, 2017

Three generations sat down to have ice cream after playing mini-golf. From left are Tim, Jerry, Isabel and Karin Johnson. (Submitted photo)

Calvary has been family’s church base for 70 years

BY SUE WEBBER CONTRIBUTING WRITER Members of Jerry Johnson’s family were also charter members of Calvary Lutheran Church in Golden Valley when it was established in 1946.

Johnson, now 82, was in Calvary’s first Sunday school, and still is active at the church as a musician.

He still lives on the property where he was raised, a spot in Plymouth. He’s established a multi-generational family on that spot, and they, too, are Calvary members.

“My grandpa bought

the house in 1940, and my uncle Jerry and my dad grew up in that house,” said Tim Johnson, who grew up in Golden Valley. Tim was baptized at Calvary and has been a life-long member of the church as well.

After Jerry was widowed and began to lose his sight and the ability to keep up the home, he invited Tim, his wife Karin, and their daughter, Isabel, now 13, to live with him.

Tim is a math specialist at West Junior High, in Hopkins. Karin is a biology teacher at Hopkins High School.

“Jerry offered us a proposal in 2002: we could build a new house there, with an apartment for him in the lower level,” Tim said. “It’s been such a perfect arrangement from the start, having Jerry with us.

We see him every day. We now have a built-in grandpa for Isabel. She visits Jerry often and they’ve made cookies together.

It’s been great for us, too, since both my parents died early. We make sure we do meals together often.”

Tim recalls Jerry coming to all the family gatherings for years. “He was an inspiration to our fam-

Right: Members of the Blessings Gospel Trio, pictured after a Christmas concert, are, from left: Jerry, Bob and Tim Johnson. (Submitted photo) ily,” Tim said. “We started playing music together in 1992 and have spent a lot of time together.”

Jerry and Tim- along with Tim’s brother, Bobare still making music together at Calvary, as the Blessings Gospel Trio. The trio has recorded some CDs, too.

CAVALRY - TO NEXT PAGE

Three generations share a home amicably in Richfield

BY SUE WEBBER CONTRIBUTING WRITER Family is at the center of everything that happens in the Richfield home where Sheri and Doug Nelson have lived for the last 26 years.

Throughout their 41-year marriage, the Nelsons, parents of three children and grandparents to four, have maintained close ties with their families of origin, and now, their own progeny.

At the moment, three female relatives who are in transition are temporarily boarding at the Nelsons, each moving in with a pet, as well. All three of them work– one also is in college– and each has her own car, so the driveway is full.

In addition to the Nelsons and their dog, Taylor, their five-bedroom home is temporarily occupied by daughter Sarah, granddaughter Kayla, and Sheri’s sister Roberta. Each has a pet: Sarah has Sammy the cat, Kayla has a dog named Melody, and Rebecca’s dog is Cocoa.

Sheri and Doug are both still working: Sheri is a Twin Cities property manager and Doug is a maintenance technician.

“Doug is the best guy in the entire world,” Sheri said. “He is a saint, in my opinion. He’s very helpful. He’s like the calm, and I’m like the storm. He’s always solving things.”

The Nelsons have had “people in and out of our house for a long time,” according to Sheri.

“My mom and dad lived with us for a year, then my oldest brother and his wife, then my sister and her two kids,” she said. “I’m so glad I got to spend a lot of time with my mom before she died; I was very close with my mom.

After she died, my dad lived with us for 10 years.” At one time, two of the Nelsons’ grandchildren lived with them for 18 months.

Doug was raised in a family with three other brothers.

Coming from a family with four brothers and two sisters, Sheri said, “I was raised with the idea that you just take care of family; that’s what you do.”

Currently sharing the Nelson three-generational home in Richfield are, clockwise from left: granddaughter Kayla, Sheri, Doug, daughter Sarah, and Roberta, Sheri’s sister. (Submitted photo) Her mother ran three restaurants They all help with the housework. Evand her dad owned a construction erybody keeps up their own room. If company. “We all helped with the someone gets in to a bind for some businesses,” she said. “My aunts and reason, someone else will pitch in and uncles’ boys worked there, too.” help out, but being in a bind can’t be It was just natural for her, Sheri a habit. The same goes for cleaning of said, to take care of family, and that their assigned room. includes hosting most of the holiday “Everyone does their own laundry gatherings. Years ago, the Nelsons on their assigned day. I take care of added two bedrooms in the basement doing the general towel supply for the of their home. “It’s like a two-bedroom bathroom upstairs, but bathing and apartment,” she said. “The girls each showering towels are up to the indihave their own TV sets in their rooms.” vidual; they each have their own bath Doug said he originally had designs sheet/towels.” on building a workshop in the baseSheri grocery shops once a week and ment. “By the time I had the sheetrock keeps the family’s two freezers full. on, we needed a bedroom for our son “I might go to Sam’s Club and buy a and his future wife,” Doug said. “So I whole boatload of chicken or beef,” put up another wall, and the basement she said. became a two-bedroom apartment.”

“If they want something other than Organization is the key to keeping what I get, they have to buy it themthings running smoothly within an ex- selves,” Sheri said. “They’re on their tended family that includes three gen- own for snacks.” erations. “It’s not hard if you get orgaIf work schedules conflict with mealnized,” Sheri said. “There’s a place for time, the women cook on their own. everything. Keeping lists is important. Dish cleanup is shared by whoever ate You make charts. We keep a list on the at mealtime. refrigerator of the groceries we need.

“During the week, when Doug and

I are working, whoever comes home from work first starts dinner,” Sheri said. “We have a binder that contains the menu for that night in front, along with any recipes that are needed.”

Sometimes the housemates cook together, she said.

Friday nights belong to Doug.

“Sheri and I have an agreement that I go out and ride my motorcycle on Friday nights,” he said.

The Nelsons are both graduates of Bloomington Kennedy High School.

Doug grew up in Bloomington, and Sheri has lived in Minneapolis, Burnsville and Bloomington.

Having been active with her father in the construction business, Sheri went from high school to taking business law classes at Normandale Community College, and thought about being an attorney.

But she married young and had two children, so she got into the property management business instead. In her 40-year career, she has managed market-rate cooperatives, condominiums, NS cooperative, commercial and warehouse properties.

Doug, in the meantime, was a cabinet-maker, and then briefly pursued classes to be an x-ray technician.

He says he inherited his dad’s “ability to understand things very easily.

When I was a senior in high school, my dad bought a boat kit in a box, a 22foot cabin cruiser, and put it together.

He learned how to do all of it by buying a book. From him, I got the ability to fix things and understand things.

I’m always interested in learning new things.”

Eventually, Doug worked in Sheri’s family’s construction business, starting as a laborer, then got into brick laying, tuck pointing and heating and air conditioning.

Doug sums up his view of the family’s present living arrangement succinctly: “We have to be considerate of other people. Because we’re all family, it’s easy to be respectful and still tease the heck out of each other.”

Thursday, Feb. 16, 2017

Excelsior-Shorewood Sun-Sailor

â&#x20AC;˘

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9

Across Generations February 2017 Issue

Discovering The Mature Lifestyle February 16, 2017

Current housing trends segregate the generations with mixed results Not so long ago or far away, families were a lot more extended.

Multiple generations lived together. Grandma and grandpa were part of the household.

Often a few great grandparents, uncles, aunts and cousins were also an integral part of the family. All ages accepted each other and mixed and mingled as part of everyday life.

Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s different now â&#x20AC;&#x201D; and getting â&#x20AC;&#x153;differenterâ&#x20AC;? all the time.

Dramatic changes in longevity, life styles, family make-up and economics have led to an explosion of housing optionsâ&#x20AC;&#x201D; especially for senior citizens.

Today, many seniors choose to â&#x20AC;&#x153;age in placeâ&#x20AC;? in the old family home with increasing help and support from technology and outside care-giving service providers.

But they can also retire to gated communities. Or live in a variety of independent or assisted living apartments, condos or coops. I even know one senior who live on an actual â&#x20AC;&#x153;Funny Farm.â&#x20AC;?

Guest column

... by Bob Ramsey Increased choices and greater independence for older adults is good. But segregating generations and building walls between age groups is not.

More and more, we are becoming a society separated by age. Some call it â&#x20AC;&#x153;Aging Apartheid.â&#x20AC;?

This housing trend supports vital aging and a more active lifestyle for older adults, but it also separates seniors from children and youth. Unless older folks have grandchildren, they donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t know what todayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s â&#x20AC;&#x153;kidsâ&#x20AC;? are really like. And younger people donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t know or understand old people. Segregation feeds stereotypes and myths about all ages.

Without regular, real-world contact, seniors begin to accept the widespread negative stereotype of teens and younger people as rude, crude, loud, entitled, shallow, even dangerous. Building walls between the generations robs older adults of access to the joy, wonder, energy, optimism, passion and idealism of youth, Likewise, without firsthand knowledge, young people are uncomfortable around seniors and internalize the common perception that age is all about loss, decline, and dependence.

They begin to equate age with disease and death; and accept the false notion that older adults cannot be productive, creative, engaged or happy and fun loving. Like the small boy who spotted my wife and me at a local Dairy Queen and yelled at his dad, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s some really old people over there. I didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t know old people ate treats!â&#x20AC;? (Yikes!

More and more, we are becoming a society separated by age. Some call it â&#x20AC;&#x153;Aging Apartheid.â&#x20AC;?

We were busted.)

British author George Orwell observed, â&#x20AC;&#x153;The child thinks growing old is an almost obscene calamity. . . all who have passed the age of thirty are joyless grotesques, endlessly fussing with things of no importance without having anything to live for.â&#x20AC;? This doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t sound like the seniors I know.

Without frequent and natural connections with older adults, youth never benefit from the gifts of experience, wisdom, discernment and perspective that come only with age. Likewise, they are denied access to many potential heroes, mentors and role models.

Current trends in senior housing appear settled in for a while.

Yet the results are mixed. According to Pam Hoyle, chair of the Vital Aging Network, the challenge for age-segregated communities is to figure out: â&#x20AC;&#x153;How do we educate society

to not only the joy of growing older, but also the tremendous value of older adults in our community and in our nation?â&#x20AC;?

Community leaders need to create natural opportunities for regular contact and interaction among age groups. Life is better when all ages can talk to each other, work together, play together, help each other and team up to help others. Thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s what makes a true community; not just a bunch of people of different ages living segregated lives in the same town.

I want a community where itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s natural and normal to see strollers and walkers parked together.

What do you want?

Bob R amsey is a lif elong educator, writer and adv ocate for vital aging. He can be contacted at 952-922-9558 or by email at joyrammini@comcast.net.

Musical family thinks of town church as â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;second homeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; CAVALRY - FROM PREVIOUS PAGE

â&#x20AC;&#x153;Calvary is kind of our second home,â&#x20AC;?

Tim said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Jerry and I sang at the church on Christmas Day. Jerry still plays his guitar.

I play guitar and do a lot of singing at the Expressions service.â&#x20AC;?

Karin Johnson, Timâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s wife, grew up in Coon Rapids and joined Calvary after college. â&#x20AC;&#x153;She played French horn in the Calvary Brass, and we met there,â&#x20AC;? Tim said.

Daughter Isabel is musical, too, of course.

She plays the cello and piano. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s great,â&#x20AC;?

Tim said.

Jerry, who didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t marry until he was 50, had a short 11-year marriage before his wife died in 1994. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Jerry later lived with us temporarily in St. Louis Park,â&#x20AC;? Tim said.

Tim said he would recommend the multigenerational living arrangement for anyone, though he realizes that it might not work so well for everyone. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Jerry is about as easygoing a guy as you could imagine,â&#x20AC;? Tim said.

The living arrangement was Jerryâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s idea, Tim said, adding, â&#x20AC;&#x153;We didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t hesitate. We knew him well. It was an opportunity for us to build a new house on a property near Medicine Lake.â&#x20AC;?

Jerry agrees that the three-generation liv-

ing arrangement â&#x20AC;&#x153;works out very nicely.â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;My dad bought the property in 1940, when I was 6 years old,â&#x20AC;? Jerry said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s always been my home address.â&#x20AC;? His family included two older brothers and a younger sister.

He originally was an English and social studies teacher before leaving the education field â&#x20AC;&#x153;to do other things.â&#x20AC;? The variety of other jobs heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s held include a stint as a custodian at Calvary, in addition to his music.

Much of his musical ability was selftaught, Jerry said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;It came from my motherâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s side, and itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s been carried on through the generations,â&#x20AC;? he said, adding that he intends to continue his singing and guitarplaying â&#x20AC;&#x153;as long as the Lord is willing me to do it.â&#x20AC;?

Though he doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t see well, heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s still writing songs, he said, and doing arrangements for old gospel songs. â&#x20AC;&#x153;It keeps me going,â&#x20AC;?

Jerry said.

Heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s delighted that Isabel, his great-niece, is playing cello and piano. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s no question that sheâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s got music in her,â&#x20AC;? Jerry said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;This is a musical household.â&#x20AC;?

Right: Jerry was on hand for great-niece Isabelâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s ďŹ rst communion ceremony at Calvary Lutheran Church in Golden Valley. (Submitted photo)

Involved grandparents learned from faith, counseling backgrounds women, following the 12-step program, â&#x20AC;&#x153;that at the same time helped me in my life.â&#x20AC;?

Jean grew up in St. Louis Park, spent one year at Coe College in Iowa and finished with her liberal arts major The Allards at one time were in a Koinonia group at Michigan State. She eventually worked at Kerker & of six couples, where they supported each other and Associates advertising agency in the Twin Cities. When she retired in 2004, she was working as a chemical deshared what was going on in their lives.

In her counseling work, Jean led support groups for pendency counselor.

ALLARD - FROM PAGE 7

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