EST.1982 II by Adam C. Passarella

VARIOUS WORDS AND IMAGES II

EST. 1982

SOMEPLACE SOMEWHERE

00 A PLACE WHERE THE COLOR OF MY SKIN AND THE CONTENT OF MY AESTHETIC APPEARANCE DO NOT WEIGH UPON THE PRECONCEIVED JUDGEMENT OF THOSE AROUND ME. A CITY THAT SUPPORTS AND DOES NOT DISTORT THE SOCIAL FABRIC OF ITS APPEARANCE. WHERE HELP IS TRUE AND HANDS ARE WARM. WHEN TIME IS NONEXISTENT AND FEELINGS ARE HUMBLE. SHATTER MY BRAINS ON THE PAVEMENT AND MAKE ME WHOLE AGAIN. LIKE PLASMA RECOMBINED TO THE NOTION OF EXUBERANT CONSOLIDATION AND INTEGRITY IS BUT A HABIT OF OUR FUNDAMENTAL BEING. I HOPE I CAN TRUST YOU AND YOU ME BUT I KNOW THAT THE SCARED SANCTIMONY OF OUR PERSONALITY MAY FORCE THIS TO BE UNREAL. TOO GOOD. BE TRUE. WE CAN DREAM. CAN'T WE? YOU CAN TALK AND I CAN LISTEN AND IF THAT DAY COMES ONCE AGAIN. THAT DAY WHEN WE CAN BE COMPLETELY NAKED IN THE EYES OF ONE ANOTHER PHYSICALLY, EMOTIONALLY, SPIRITUALLY I PRAY FOR IT SO. FOR HAPPY ENDINGS AND EUPHORIA (PUN INTENDED) THAT IT WILL FIND ME AND IF THAT MEANS US AS ONE THEN THE MORE THE MERRIER. BUT IF NOT I CAN LIVE WITH IT HOWEVER THE WIND BLOWS JUST KNOW I ONLY HOPE THAT YOU CAN BE AS OPEN AND REAL TO ME AS I HAVE BEEN TO YOU. 01 IN YOUR FRIDAY BOOK OF WHITE NOISE. SPOKES OF RAIN

WE TELL OURSELVES STORIES IN ORDER TO LIVE

RETURN TO ZERO

03 IN THE WINDOWS OF OUR SLEEPING CHAMBER LIGHT JET BROWN EYES HAIR ARRANGED IN SMOKE RINGS AGAINST HER PILLOW SPOKEN OF RAIN. IT’S ALMOST ONLY THE BREATH BETWEEN OUR FACES. SO MANY WORDS HEART BEATS AND REFLECTION. SO MANY WORDS I’M JUST NOT IN THE MOOD TO SAY THEM. HEARTS AND EXPRESSION. NO OTHER SILENCE BUT THIS ONE… AND YET LOVE WANDERS DOWN STREETS SOMETIMES CROWDED SOMETIMES EMPTY, FULL OF LIVING, AND SOMETIMES DYING. THE SCENT OF THE MOON ON YOUR SKIN FILLED WITH ORANGES AND COFFEE. THE LOADED VEINS OF YOUR ARMS FILLED WITH MESSAGES FILLED WITH LOVE. AS YOU SLEEP STREET LIGHTS CRAWL ACROSS YOUR SHEETS LIKE REPTILES. CAUGHT SHIMMERING IN THE SOFT SKIN BENEATH YOUR EYES THE CLOCK TICKS LIKE A HEAVY BREATHER. THEN MORNING COMES AS WE PREPARE FOR A WALK AND COFFEE. I, OF COURSE, SAY NOTHING OF THIS, PREFERRING TO KEEP YOU A SECRET. EVEN FROM YOURSELF MY BEAUTIFUL SECRET PASSION UNBOUND, IT’S TRUE.

TIME IS A CONSTRUCT OF THE MIND

DON’T WEAR MASKS

05 LOVE IS A MANY SPLENDORED THING, EVEN IN ALPHABET CITY. WHERE LUST, ADDICTION, BEING IN THE WRONG PLACE AT THE WRONG I DON’T KNOW… TIME. ALL COME IN LIKE MOMENTS OF JOY AND LAUGHTER. GOLDEN LOVER GIRL, WHEN THE CITY’S LUMINOUS LIGHT ACCELERATES, LABYRINTHINE, TOWARDS YOU AND YOU DESCEND, DAZED FROM DAY’S CUBICLES INHALING THE SKY’S ESSENTIAL OIL, INFUSED WITH TWILIGHT’S JASMINE ABSOLUTE TO DRIFT LIKE INCENSE OVER CRACKED STAR STREETS. MY VELCRO GIRL, RIP OPEN WHEN THE MOON IS A HIGH VACANCY WHITE APARTMENT, LOVE AND LINES, SHINING ON ALL THE TENEMENT ROOFS AND ALL THE EAST VILLAGE BARS WHERE POETRY IS STILL ALL TOO POSSIBLE, COMMON AS BEER AND CIGARETTES. EVENING’S INFINITE BOHEMIAS ARE SCANNING FOR YOU, NOCTURNAL. NOCTURNAL. SHINE UP YOUR SHORT BOHEMIAN SKIRT AND EYES. PUT ON YOUR GLITTER VOICE AND SOCKS, WALK FAST, FASTER AND TAKE MIDNIGHT NOTES ALL IN A DAYS PACE, ALL IN LOVERS HAZE. THAT YOU CAN BE AS OPEN AND REAL TO ME AS I HAVE BEEN TO YOU.

DONâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;T COMMAND OBEDIENCE

SILENCE IS OFTEN GOLDEN

02 I AM OFTEN ATTRACTED TO THINGS UNHINGED. NOT NECESSARILY (TRADITIONALLY) ROMANTIC, MORE AKIN TO AN UNWILLINGNESS TO ASK PERMISSION, ONE WHO MIGHT SAY IT WAS NEVER YOUR PERMISSION TO BEGIN WITH AND NOT BE ANGRY OR UPSET ABOUT HAVING TO SAY IT. FEW ARE SO WILLING TO EVALUATE SITUATIONS WITHOUT THE OVERWHELMING CLOUD OF EMOTION. JUDGMENT FULLY WITHHELD, KIND BANTER 03 THE BEAUTY OF COMATOSE CAN ONLY BE SEEN THROUGH THE EYES OF A WIZARD IN A BLIZZARD STRUTTING IN GLASS HEELED SLIPPERS, OR CHRIST WITH KNEES BENT AT TABERNACLE PEELING BANANAS AND KICKING PRAYERS FARTHER THAN ETERNITY WITH EACH GASPING SECOND, 04 I LONG AGO EXHAUSTED MY HABITUAL SELF-IMAGERY BEFORE YOUR EYES AND THEN, IN ACTS OF CREATION THAT BORDERED ON THE SELF-DESTRUCTIVE, REARRANGED MY MOTIVES [THEIR APPARENCIES], LIKE LAYERS OF TRANSPARENCIES, BEYOND ANY REAL CAPACITY TO SUBSTANTIATE THEIR CLAIMS UNTIL ARRIVING HERE WHERE MY EXISTENCE IS SO THOROUGHLY PROVISIONAL AND MINGLED WITH YOUR OWN THAT SOMETIMES I AM TERRIFIED TO WONDER WHETHER ALL I KNOW ABOUT MYSELF IS LOVE AND HATE YOU FOR IT.

DONâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;T FORGET ECSTASY

WELCOME DAYS OF SOLITUDE

05 I MET A GIRL ONCE, SHE HAD FRENCH FRIES FOR HAIR AND SHE WAS PRETTY LEGENDARY. I’VE BEEN TRYING TO EXPLAIN HER IN WORDS FOR A FEW DAYS NOW.BUT I DON’T KNOW HOW TO WRITE THAT KIND OF POEM, THAT EXPLAINS THAT IT’S THE SMALLEST THINGS ABOUT HER I FIND THE MOST AMAZING. LIKE WHEN SHE LAUGHS, AND HER WHOLE BODY BECOMES A WIND CHIME, BOTH IN 06 5 8 15 20 24 29 SOHO SEEMS NICE THIS TIME OF YEAR; ALTHOUGH I AM TERRIFIED OF GOING ANYWHERE NEAR A CITY THAT HOLDS YOU IN ITS HANDS AND ABOVE ME, TOO HIGH TO ME, YOU ARE NEW YORK. BUT WHEN I WALK DOWN CENTRAL PARK WEST MY SHADOW CLINGS TO MY SHINS YOU SCRAPE MY SKIN WITH YOUR BREATH AND I FEEL HOT JULY AIR THAT IS TRAPPED 07 YOU’RE MY SOUL FROM ANOTHER DECADE YOU’RE MY INSPIRATION FOR ANOTHER DAY YOU’RE THE RHYTHM OF MY PAINTINGS THE SOUL OF MY CANVAS THE CREATIVITY OF MY MIND THE OVERDOSE OF MY HEART

LIFE CHANGES IN THE INSTANT, THE ORDINARY INSTANT

DANCE DANCE DANCE DANCE

11 07 LOVE CAME HOME... LATE LAST NIGHT AND FELL ASLEEP IN FRONT OF THE TELEVISION LOVE WANDERS DOWN STREETS SOMETIMES CROWDED SOMETIMES EMPTY FULL OF LIVING AND DYING LOVE STAGGERS BLIND IN A DRUNKEN RAGE WAGES WAR AND HUNTS FOR ANSWERS AFRAID OF BEING LEFT ALONE IT IS PENANCE FOR THOSE THAT CANNOT LIVE WITH THEMSELVES ONLY IT IS A BAD COOKBOOK AND A NASTY BOUT OF THE FLU THAT KEEPS COMING BACK STRONGER EACH TIME IT ENTERS THE ROOM AND ANNOUNCES ITSELF CALLS ITSELF FRIEND AND LOVER FORGETS TO CALL OR WRITE AFTER IT IS GONE BUT NEVER REALLY FORGOTTEN LOVE IS RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT AND STARRING IN THE NEW FALL LINE UP ON EVERY BAD COMEDY INVENTION

CREATE MEANINGFUL RITUALS

DON’T PRACTICE MAGIC

13 IT IS A MUSICAL COMEDY NIGHTMARE ON 4 WHEELS 2 LEGS AND ONE EYE IN THE BACK OF ITS HEAD WINKING IN THE RAIN DANCING TO THE FRANTIC RHYTHMS OF I WANT YOU NOW AND DON’T YOU KNOW HOW I REALLY FEEL AND WHY DON’T YOU LOVE ME? LOVE IS HOMELESS AND OUT OF WORK WITH TOO MANY CHILDREN IN NEED OF A PLACE TO STAY AND NO MATTER WHAT THE QUESTION LOVE IS STILL THE ONLY ANSWER

INTERPRET THE MOMENT

DREAMS ARE NECESSARY TO LIFE

15 08 IT’S KIND OF CRAZY WHEN YOU OBSERVE THE AIRPORT AND THE SUBSERVIENCE OF PEOPLE… THE VIOLATION OF RIGHTS AND THE CONTROL OF PEOPLE LIKE CATTLE… IT’S ALMOST TEXT BOOK FALSE FLAG PSYOPS TRAINING… THEN THE CORPORATE MEASURES TO ENSURE NO WATER BOTTLES AND VARIOUS ITEMS OF PERSONAL NORMALITY. THAT WAY YOU HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO PURCHASE ITEMS WITHIN THE CAMP WALLS… IT’S ALMOST TOO OBVIOUS WITH EACH MONOTONOUS SELECTION OF BUSINESS CHAINS SELLING FOOD TYING BACK TO 1 OF THE 5 MAJOR CONGLOMERATES THAT OWN THEM ALL… DID PEOPLE JUST GIVE UP OR WERE THEY TOO BUSY WATCHING TMZ WHEN ALL OF THIS OCCURRED? WHAT IF I WANTED TO SELL FRUIT AT THE AIRPORT OR START MY OWN AIRPORT? IS GLOBAL SINGULARITY REALLY THE END ALL FREEDOM WE’VE BEEN WAITING FOR? THE 21ST CENTURY DREAM COME TRUE WITHIN THE BRACE NEW WORLD OF THE TOURISTOCRACY… JUST BEEN OUT HERE CHASING BIZ… CATCHING FLIGHT SACKING TOWN AND SLACKIN OFF. THERE’S NOT MUCH ELSE TO DO BUT WAIT, HURRY UP RUSH, NOW WAIT. EVERYBODY ALL FAST AS HELL IN A HURRY TO BE THE FIRST ONE STANDING IN LINE READY TO WAIT.

BE AUTOMATIC, BE NOTHING

DON’T SELL YOURSELF SHORT

17 09 YOU SHOULD ENJOY YOUR SUFFERING. REALIZATIONS COME IN THE FORM OF WORDS IF NOT BEFORE. ARGUMENTS WEAKEN THE FACTS WHICH IN ANY EVENT NEVER MATTERED, OR EXISTED. YOU DIE AS WHAT YOU ARE. WRITE BREAD LINES. YOU DON’T TEST THE LIMITS OF WHAT IS BY ASKING THE IMPOSSIBLE OF IT. FUNNY HAUNCHES. AND IT SHOULD GO ON FROM THERE AS IF EVERYTHING HAD HAPPENED. THE CULTURE MADE A DECISION. MMMMM. I AM A MORTAL VERB . I AM ASKING YOU, QUIETLY, FOR YOU. IT’S NICE TO SEE A FACE. MAYBE SOMETHING HAPPENS THAT MUTES THE SPEECHLESS. THERE’S NO WAY TO RECALL A CLARITY. LEACHED PASSIONS ONLY OVER MAKE THE HEART. DON’T GO LOOKING FOR IT. THE LANGUAGE. THIS SEX COULD BE OUR QUIET LULLABY. ALL WE EVER DO IS FULFILL OUR FANTASIES.

LONG FOR MOMENTS OF ECSTASY

19 10 SOMEWHERE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THIS WIDE NIGHT AND THE DISTANCE BETWEEN US, I AM THINKING OF YOU. THE ROOM IS TURNING SLOWLY AWAY FROM THE MOON.

BE IN TUNE WITH THE STARS

THIS IS PLEASURABLE. OR SHALL I CROSS THAT OUT AND SAY IT IS SAD? IN ONE OF THE TENSES I SINGING AN IMPOSSIBLE SONG OF DESIRE THAT YOU CANNOT HEAR. LA LALA LA. SEE? BLAH BLAH BLAH. YEAH? I CLOSE MY EYES AND IMAGINE THE DARK HILLS AND VAST OCEAN I WOULD HAVE TO CROSS TO REACH YOU. FOR I AM IN LOVE WITH YOU AND THIS IS WHAT IT IS LIKE OR WHAT IT IS LIKE IN WORDS. 11 TIME? THAT’S NOT THE WHOLE / STORY. ABSOLUTE FIDELITY / TO THE TRUTH OF WHAT I FELT, OPEN / TO THE MOMENT, AND IN EVERY CASE / A KIND OF LOVE: ALL OF THE ABOVE / BROUGHT ME TO THIS TOTTERING / SELFCONSCIOUS STATE PNEUMONIA, / EMACIATION, GRISLY CANCER, / NO FUTURE, HEART OF GOLD, / PASSIONATE ENGAGEMENT WITH A GREAT / B FILM, A GLORIOUS SUMMER / AFTERNOON IN WHICH TO PICK UP / THE RIPEST PLUM TOMATOES OF THE YEAR / AND PROSCIUTTO FOR THE FEAST I’LL COOK / TONIGHT FOR THE WOMAN I LOVE, / PHONE CALLS FROM MY FRIENDS / AND A WALK TO THE PARK, IGNORING / STARES, TO CLEAR MY HEAD. A DAY / LIKE ANY, LIKE NO OTHER. NOT SO BAD / FOR THE DEAD.

IS THIS EVERYTHIING YOU ALWAYS DREAMED IT WOULD BE?

LIFE SHRINKS OR EXPANDS IN PROPORTION TO ONEâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S COURAGE

MOMENTS OF DAYS GONE BYE

BE LIGHTNESS

23 12 IT FEELS GOOD TO LIVE A BIT. TO SPIT. IN THE MIRROR, HANDS OVER EYES. WORDS HAVE BECOME FIGURES ON A PAGE, IGNORANT OF SLEEPLESSNESS, STUMBLING, HALF-SMILES, GESTURES OPEN WIDE AS DAY. WILL YOU COME BACK FLUNG OFF THE HIDE OF A LAUGH DRIPPING WOMB-MUCOUS, A RE-EXIT AFTER AN IMPOSSIBLE REENTRY? … STRUNG ON A PHRASE OUT OF THE WORLD OF FLESH BLOOD AND BONE. TAKE YOUR HANDS FROM YOUR EYES, LIKE THAT CREATURE WITH THE CARVED SMILE, SATIATED VOYEUR, WHO, LEAVING THE HOUSE OF SIN, TREADING OVER SHREDDED SKIN AND CLOTTED BLOOD, JAWS OPEN IN MOCK GLORY, SPYING THE LOUSE ON PROMONTORY POST, WITH HIGH CROOKED SMILE, MY FRIEND, WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THAT? … IN REPLY ONLY SEIZED RIGHT HAND WITH LEFT, AND SNAPPED THE PEN IN TWO.

IN AND OUT OF THE FABRIC OF OUR LIVES

LET GO OF FALSE IDOLS

25 13 FUCK ME I’M ALL SCREWED UP SO FUCK ME. AND TAKE OUT THE GARBAGE FEED THE DOG AND FUCK ME YOU CAN DO IT, I KNOW YOU CAN. FUCK ME AND THEORIZE ABOUT SADO MASOCHISM’S RELATIONSHIP TO CLASSICAL PHILOSOPHY TELL ME HOW THIS STIMULATES THE FABRIC OF MOST HUMAN RELATIONSHIPS, I LOVE THAT KIND OF POINTLESS INTELLECTUALISM SO DO IT AGAIN AND FUCK ME. STOP BEING LOGICAL STOP CONTEMPLATING THE ORIGINS OF EVIL AND THE BEAUTY OF DEATH THIS IS NOT A TV MOVIE ABOUT PLATO’S SEX LIFE, THIS IS FUCK ME SO FUCK ME IT’S THE PAUSE THAT REFRESHES JUST ADD WATER AND FUCK ME. I WROTE THIS SO I’D HAVE A GOOD EXCUSE TO SAY “FUCK ME” OVER AND OVER AND OVER SO I COULD GET A LOT OF ATTENTION AND LOOK, IT WORKED! SO THANK YOU THANK YOU AND FUCK ME.

LAST PLACE IN SPACE AND TIME

EST. 1982