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I h a ve lo o ke d a t a lo t o f th e p h otos I have taken oven the past sevenal months and have seen i n them thi ngs - : s e e so cle a r ly b e fo r e . T h e p h o to graphs I have of N ew Y orkers on the street now seem to carry a more i c oni c -= .. a b o u t h o w we in h a b it th e sp a ce we cal l l '4anhattan and how w e rel ate to these bui l di ngs that surnound us and:.= r o n me n t in wh jch we live . I wo u ld l i ke to submj t a photo essay about N ew Y orkers, nragi c moments ; ev eny day p:::' t h a t n o w h a ve su ch a m o m e n to u s a nd devastati ng shared experi ence behi nd them. l rnages fnom before, duri ng, ar: S e pte m b e n 1 1 , sh o w wh y th e fu tu r e of N ew Y or k i s and al w ays has been j n j ts peopl e.

I t hin k th e p e o p ' 1 e h e r e a r e th e best testaments to our strength, commonal i ty, and adaptabi l i ty.

For ex ampl es .: visit th e se p a g e s: h t t p: / la m b r i e i fl o yd . co m la u g u stc i *,y/pagâ‚Źone.htm I r t t p: / / a m b r i e I fl o yd . co m ,/a u g u stci tyl pagefi ve. htm h t t p: /,/a m b n ie 1f 1o - vd .co m /u ,o r ld t.r a d ecenter/page9. htm

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>) I woul d l o v e t o c a r v e so m e th in g fo n a NYC m e m o r ia l. A set of fi gures agai nst the backdrop of a runni ng vi deo >>of t he e v e n t . 0 n e i t h e r sid e , th e r e wo u ld b e a scr een w i th a sti l l shot and descri pti on of a person w ho >) perish e d i n t h e d i s aste r . >)This s h o t a n d d e s c r i ptio n wo u ld ch a n g e e ve r y m in u te or so, cycl i ng through al l w ho di ed. H ere i s an i dea of ))what I c a r v e ( s e e p h o to o r g o to )> ht t p: / / w w w .s t e f f r o c k n a k. co m )

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Uptown Manhattan

Uptown > > De ar J a n , >) > > He r e a r e s o m e m o r e ' lo o se ' id e a s to fu e | th e a rti cl e/prl etc... >> I think it's c l e a r h o w th e fo n t ca m e a b b u t, th r ough the i nter > > pre t a t j o n o f P a u l Au ste r ' s sto r y e tc. Ho we ve r , the book gave me )) 3 v i s u a l c l u e s a nd so m e m o r e wr t' tte n o n e s. So to create the > > alp h a b e t , a f t e r h d vjn g b o u g h t a m a p o f NY city, I di d my ow n ))wan d e r j n g t o a r l i v e a t a co m p le te a lp h a b e t. > >S im j l a r i t j e s i n e ve n y d a y life I ca n co n n e ct wj th thi s story: a > > c h o r e o g r a p h e r w h o tn a n sl a te s h i s th o u g h t i n to movements, or > > s c o r e s , o n a p i e c e o f p a p e r wh ich th e n se r ve s as a transl at'i on ))f or t h e d a n c e r s t o m o ve to . Afte r a ll is Stillm an not choreoq> > rap h e r a n d d a n c e r a t th e sa m e ti m e ? > > S im i l a r b u t l e s s str o n g a r e th e 1 itt1 e p la n e s we see on sum> > m e r ' s d a y s t r a c i n g p n o m o tio n a l m e ssa g e s in th e sky. The message )) exi s t s , b u t o n l y ve r y b r ie f' 1 y, it s1 o w1 y fa d e s. bl urs and di sdp )) pe a r s a g a i n . )) Th e f o n t i s c l e a r '1 y r e la te d to Ne w Yo r k a n d d e ri ved from P aul > > Au s t e r ' s b o o k , b u t it a lso a sks th e q u e stio n , what w oul d a Los ))Ang e l e s f o n t l o o k like , o r o n e r e la te d to a Eu ropean cj ty such > > as L o n d o n , P a n i s o r Br u sse ls? Do e s jt te ll u s somethj ng about >> t he t o \ 4 n ' s p 1a n n e n s, th e fi r st se ttl e r s o r e ve n the revol uti on )) an y u p h e a v a l s o f Pa r js a n d th e Ha u ssm a ncle a n up that fol l ow ed. )) Sjn c e t h e i d e a i s so clo se ly n e la te d to Pa u l Auster's book N ew >>Y o r k s t o r i e s , m i g h t it b e a n id e a to in vo lve th e publ i shers? )) E v e n j u s t f o r s p on so n sh ip . 0 r e ve n b e tte r jn vo lve P aul A uster )) him s e l f . )) ref: P a u l A u s t e r ' s ' City o f Gla ss' )) K in d r e g a r d s , a n d lo o kin g fo r wa r d to se e in g it al l gel .

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>> E x t r a c t f r o m o n e o f th e a r ticle s: >> " F o r e x a m p l e , a f e w d a ys a fte r h e h a s b e e n fo llow i ng the el der )) S t i l l m a n a r o u n d t he str e e ts o f Ne w Yo r k, Qu in n noti ces that the >> rou t e s t h a t S t j l l ma n is ta kin g se e m to b e a tte m pts on S ti l l man's >> par t t o c r e a t e g i ga n tic, in vjsjb le le tte r s o n the street; 0ui nn >> t ra c e s t h e i r r o u t e o u t fo r th e fo u r th d a y a n d di scovers the >> let t e r " 0 , " t h e f ifth d a y p r o d u ce s a "| | j," a n d on and on unti l )) t he e l e v e n t h d a y w h e n h e h a s "0 b /ER0 F BAB. " Qu i n n guesses the ( a n o th e r e le m e n t o f u n ce r ta inty), ))f irs t four letters and arri ves )) at t h e c o n c l u s i o n th a t Stillm a n is sp e llin g o u t "TH E TOI,JE 0F R >> BA B E L , " b e c a u s e h e kn o ws th a t Stillm a n is o b se ssed w i th that >>bib l i c a l story. j n c i d e n t j l l u str a te s ))T his m a n y o f th e th e m e s th at I have brought >> up s o f a r . F j r s t o f a l l, th e sto r y o f th e T o we r of B abel i s one >> abo u t t h e c o n f u s i on o f 1a n g u a g e , th e b a r - r je r th at w ords have )) bec o m e i n t h e f a l l en wo r ld , wh e r e o n e wo r d ca n have several >> me a n in g s a n d o n e o b je ct ca n h a ve se ve r a l n a m e s. )) S e c o n d ly , i t b r i n g s u p a n o th e r e l e m e n t o f u n ce r ta i nty, i n that >> not o n l y d o e s 0 u r 'n n h a ve to g u e ss a t th e fir st foun l etters )) (be c a u s e a t t h a t p o in t h e wa s n o t wr itin g d o wn the route that ))S t ill m a n f o l l o w e d ) , b u t a lso b e ca u se Qu in n is never sure w hether )) S t i l l m a n i s r e a l l y wr itin g th e se le tte n s o n p u r pose or w hether )) he , Q u i n n , i s j u s t im a g in in g th e m . Cu r io u sly, 0 uj nn does not )) ac t u a l l y t r a c e o u t th e r o u te o n d a ys twe lve a n d thi rteen to )) c on f i r m h i s s u s p i cio n s: we a r e le ft with o u t th e confj rmi ng "e'l ." >>A n d , a s 0 u i n n h i mse lf p o .in ts o u t, "e l" is th e Hebrew w ord for )) " G o d , " s o t h a t w e a r e , in e ffe ct, le ft with o u t the assurance of >> G o d i n t h i s b o o k . In ljte r a r y te r m s, Go d sig n ifjes an absol ute, )) a s t a n d a r d b y w h i ch we ca n m e a su r e th e wo r ld ; the possi bl e >> abs e n c e o f a n a b so iu te fr o m th e te xt a g a in le a d s us to questi on >>wh y s o m e a r b r ' t r a n y le a d s a r e fo llo we d in Qu in n ' s case and others >> aba n d o n e d ."

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F4e )) S h a d o w s o v e r f 4 a n ha tta n >> Ne w Y o r k n o t o n l y lo st th o u sa n d s o f live s a n d tw o skyscrapers on S eptemben 11. >> I t l o s t t h e p r e s e n ce o f th o se p e o p le a n d th o se bui l di ngs, that w as nonmall y fel t > > t hr o u g h o u t D o w n t ollin1 4 a n h a tta n . Ne w Yo r k lo st th ei r shadow s. Y ou see someone comi ng )) wh e n y o u n o t i c e t he ir sh a d o w a r o u n d th e - co r n e r . Y ou know someone's there, w hen you > > s ee a s h a d o w t h r o u g h th e d o o r . T h e sh a d fr ,r o f a fri end can be comforti ng. In a w i de now . It doesn't )) s em j - c i r c l e a r o u n d th e Wo r ld T r a d e Ce n te r th e light i s di fferenl )) c ha n g e s u d d e n l y a t fixe d tjm e s ,,,/h e nth e su n h id es behj nd the tw o tal l tow ens. )) I t d o e s n ' t l j q h t u p a g a in wh e n th e su n h a s p a ssed them. >) > > I n s o m e m y t h s , a m a n lo se s h is sh a d o w a n d d o e sn't di e. B ut hi s i s a l i fe hard'l y w orth > > livi n g . i , l i t h o u t a sh a d o w, h e h a s n o r e a l p r e se nce. i ^l i thout d shadow , he i s not of > > t hi s e a r t h . A s h ad o w j s p r o o f o f e xi ste n ce . )) Wh e n s o m e t h j n g h o r r ib le h a p p e n s, th e y sa y it casts a shadow over the w orl d. 0r r'f i t > > wa s a n t j c i p a t e d , th e y sd y th a t r ' t' s sh a d o w p r e ceded i t. S hadori s can be si gns of l i fe )) an d o f d e a t h . B u t r e g a r d le ss o f g o o d o r e vil, a shadow medns memory.

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0ur p r 0 p o s a l s y m bo ' 1 ize s th e m e m o r ia l va lu e o f shddow s. It suggests re-casti ng the s h a d o w s o f t h e T w in T o we r s a t th e tim e s th e y col l apsed. C areful l y, or shoul d one say lov i n g l y , t n a c i n g th e o u tlin e s o ve r e ve r yth in g they l ouched at that moment. 0t w oul d rl vi l l be fi l l ed agai n. N ew bui l dha v e t o u c h e d , h a d th e y b e e n in ta ct. T h e site jts el f ing s , d j f f e n e n t p e o p le , will m o ve th e ir sh a d o ws over 14anhattan. B ut these ones, l i ke t he h a n d s o f a c l ock th a t sto p p e d wh e n life a r ound j t stopped, w i l l remaj n sti l l .

A t w i n s h a d o w r e min d in g u s o f g o o d a n d e vil. (@ F u n l a b , E x p e r i en ce a n d En te n ta in m e n t De sig n f4asters, D esi gn A cademy E i ndhoven, 20 0 1 . P a n t j c i p a n t s in th is p n o je ct we r e : Su za n ne van A ndel , Jori s Jacobs, K i m de Re g t , R o y R o t h , Gr e g o n y Sh a p i r o , Ste p h e n Ve r ste egh , Toon V ugts . Tutor: ['4axB rui nsma, ed i t o r i a l desion)

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From,Heather@addictlab.com To,Jan@addicttab.com Subject,Storyof JephGureckaand DoraStorch

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T he ai r outs i de hds bec om e s o m uc h better . I t ' s a beauti ful c l ear m or ni ng; the pur enes s of this d a y how ev er , c annot go pas t the des paj r of the i n a c goi ng on. i no l onger feel the r ddi an t ti v i ty enefgy of hope and tenabl e c onv j c ti on t0w ar d s t h e r es c ue effor t. l l hen i I ook i nto the di s tanc e ther e i s m or e m ac hi ner y than m en. It's ds i f t h i s r s n0w a c 0ns tr uc ti on s i te not a di s as ter .

I keep thi nk i ng ev er y thi ng under the r ubbl e w hethe r a n i m ate 0r i nani m ate has j us l bec om e one; a s m o l d e ri ng m as s of detr i tus .

I c an feel the w ej ght a n d the dar k nes s at the bottom . T he em pti nes s 0f t h e w 0r k er s ex pr es s j ons haunts m e. T hi s m om ent m a k e s m e r ea I i z e ev er y thi ng I hav e to I os e. I m ay h a v e not I os t a fam j I y m em ber oT w i fe or c hi I d b u t I w j l l s oneday . I al s o k now that s o m any thi ng s I w as s ear c hi ng for i n l i fe w er e found her e; a d e e p c onv i c ti on i n peopl e, and a s i tuatr 'on thdt g d v e m e d s ens e of ex tended fam i l y . l ,/alk j ng tow ar ds the m ai n gate I k now I m us t l eav e. l ,,/i th the ufder s tandi ng thdt thi s w j l l b e m y I as t ti m e her e and that I w i I I no I onger b e gr anted ac c es s i s unbear abl e. l " l y l i fe s uppo rt h a s been dr ai ned, w hat w i l l bec om e of m e w i thout them ? As I pds s the m i l i tdr y m en I gl anc e to t h e l eft and r i ght and nod, and they nod too.

After c r os s i ng the thr es hol d of the s ac r ed a n d the obs c ene, v ul gar l houghts of the bi gger p i c tur e c om e i nt0 m y m i nd. I thi nk about w hat t h e r es t of the c i ty i s feel j ng, the anger that j s br eedi ng, and l he peac e m onger s w ho ar e pr ea c h ''q. T oT r O W d1 oul s 'de agai - .

I don't tur n ar ound. By r efl ec ti ng bac k i nto c o n v er s dti ons that I had ear l j er thi s day , I pj c t u re peopl e's fac es dnd s tor i es I hear d. I s m i l e, bec aus e a s m i l e I found i n thes e pas t tw o we e k s c an d0 the nos t good for any one 0r any thj ng. ti al k i ng up l /l es t End H i ghw ay I w ane and begi n t 0 r efl ec t on the i dea of pur pos e that m any I i k e ny s el f had not had unti I Septem ber El ev enth. H o w w i l l thi s affec t us fr om her e and on out.1.,/ e , t h e v ol unteer s , w er e v er y for tundte t0 hav e had t h e j n i ts pur es t s ta t e . I abi l j ty to fi nd s i m pl j c i ty don't w ant to bel i ev e that another w or l d ex i s t s outs i de of thes e gates , one that I uni ntenti o n a l l y pul l ed m y s el f fr om . A s ens e of hel pl es s ne s s c 0ns um es m y body . Appr oac hi ng C anal Str eet I

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: ': i s s u e s a t h a n d . E ve ry fe w days the passes : -af ge , y o u a lw a ys kn e w i r a d vance. I was tem. . ra l i d w i t h th e g ra y d u ct ta pe until the ye l l o w badges, which i -f ri c e i s s u e d o ffi ci a l . " : r'1 r o b l u e , a n d u l ti ma te l y becam e r ed.

-i s c a r e c a me wh e n e ve n th e red was soon to , 'a a . ': - s c r a m b l e w a s to g e t th e u l tim ate photo ID, --: t - c c o m e f r o m a sp o n so re d a gency. e l w a y s s p ot th e i l l e g a l vo lunteer s r ight - ::.-: 1- . . -'2: w o u l d a s k to h e l p o u t a n d then hit you q ue sti o n . " D o y0 u know anybody :- : ': . lt im d t e :: : : - _ : e t m e a pa ss" ? l ,Jh e th e r yo u saw them again -: : : ': n t m a t t e r. n : . e o b s e s se d w 'rh g e tti rg : to Gr ound Ze.o, : :: '' th i s w a s a p i l g |j ma g e to a holy site. The j : -i, ri w l o w e re d e sp e ra te fo r a pass one oay, - . , -. p a s s m o r e V a l i d th a n yo u rs the next. It -. :- :::- ie a c o n s t an t stru g g l e , a n d a new type of f i:::' : ': ! w a s f o r m i n g . It w a s a l so amazing to see i r '::: C e n t j t i e s co u l d b e sw a p p e d for the oppor : : s t a y i n a n o th e r d a y. In o n e day you could '-: . :: -:: Sa i e n t o l o g i st, a R e d Cro ss Volunteer or a r: i : j - 1 e 5 a ' v a ti o n A rn y. : -: a: t s t h a t we re ma d e p ro ve d i nvaluable : ' : re r e m a i n d e r o f o u r sta y. T he : : r; is t s b e c a me a ma j o r a l l y i n our time of -': , / w e r e l a r ge i n n u mb e r a n d efficient, actu-:': i h a n e f f i ci e n t, a fte r ta l ki ng to one of i n f o r m e d th a t th e y we re a ctual 1y r ever s ^:: :- : : o w n w a r d s pi ra l " , a n L . Ro n Hubbar d ter m, . : J e s s , i m p l je s th e " w o rl d g o ing t0 hell in a -. : n e y w e r e a l w a ys i n si g h t d ue t0 thej r ^ --: h m a y o r m a y n o t h a ve b e e n a r esult of y e l l o w T -sh i rts. : " ! hl If a ci vilidn was in f o u n d a n d e xco mmu n i ca ted fr om the vol': : 'ing '-, -; om m u n j t y , h e /sh e co u .l d a l ways go to the : : : -js t f o r c o ve r. F o r th e sma l l fee of wear : . : lu n t e e r n i n i ste r T -sh i rt, a civil ian could : - rit h t h e c a u se . ; -. o f c i v i l i a n vo l u n te e rs w e re wor kjng twice : : : t h e o r g a nj ze d o n e s, wh o h ad to cut -': i t a p e a n d h i e ra rch i e s w i th in their Own ': hey w e n e to g e t a n yth i n g a ccomplished. If : , : rh e a r d t h a t th e fo o t d 0 cto rs on the site : -: . ia g e o f a n tj b a cte ri a l cre me and wer e hav ', : k i n g e t t i n g mo re su p p l i e s fr om the Red : ': re w e r e a l w a ys ci v i I i d n s who took i t upon '. : s t o m a k e th e u n d e rg ro u n d connection. It : . -w a y s e a s y, a vo l u n te e r h a d to go thr 0ugh a get : = C i f f e r e n t o rg a n j za ti o n s t0 ultim ately : :.: nee0e0. ..- . '. ': ) f s u p p l i e s ca me b y th e tru ckl oads , they ': : : -: - : r o m a l l ove r th e co u n try and with ever y t h i n g . T h o se n o t a l l o w e d to go deep into -:: .::- e . : : : . s i m p l y u n l o a d e d th e su p p l i e s on to the :: : r: N i g h w a y , le a vi n g i t u p to whom ever decided :: . : : n a rg e a t t h a t mo me n t to d i stribute them . No .:: . : m o t e l y p r e p a re d fo r th e a m0unt of wor k d j s t r i b u ti n g d n d sto ri n g donated sup-.: : : ': irg , ': : involve. ^ : , -l 'a-.^

lr . .: . : : in t o a s i t u a ti o n wh e re th e vast major ity of : : -:: . g o n i s t s w e re ma l e , wi th a sl ight doubt of :: : ! : J u l d e x p e ct. F i re me n , P o l i ce men, l' 4ilitar y : ,:- : : r! c t i 0 n w o rke rs we re h a rd l y the type of :: : - w c u l d c h o o se to mi n g l e w i th . Coul d I put ': . " t i. g a z e s d nd d 's" e sp e ctfJl comm enLsthdt i of the -: : : : . es e n t i n n i n d , i n my me mO res : : ' w o r l d ?

T h e re w a s n o su ch thing as a nor mal -:: '..- c re , r:: t h i s w a s a n e xtra o rd i n a r y situati0n :-- ' . . n o c h o i c e b u t to b e a p a rt of it. : . . . rt e e r , I wd l ke d i r re so l ve d Lo help out, to :-:::s t t h a t I co u l d i n th i s u n u sual situation, '- -. , d o p l ' y s ' c a - l d b o . a n d ca sr aside dny Lype :' : : : . c e p t i o n s .

A we e k b e fo re , I had been simply y e a r o l d wi th h e r wh o le life :r : - : . . -t h re e ahead of ' . - '. d e m p h a s iz e d to a fri e n d h o w safe I fel t i n ': r' : , / o f t a l l b ui l d i n g s, th a t we r e like ar m s c' : : '' ; m e a n d l o o kj n g o ve r me . N o w, m y sense of :- - : . . h a d b e e n s h a tte n e d , th e fra g ility of ljfe , . : c n m e . I t d i d n 't se e m fa i r, I was too young -:: : -: , : ! o f e e l t h a t, b u t th o se th o u ghts wer e sel fh e re , so md n y we re not; futur e -- - a ls s t j l l lo n g e r s e e me d i mp o rta n t a s what I could do :-: ': :' : : re s ent.

I wa s g ra te fu l th a t I was allowed to .-- ' a" a e . e v e n i f i n a re mo te w a y to the r escue of F: -: : rd t o h e l p th o se co p e wi th th e shock and :- r '' j r t a t i o u s sn i I e a n d w i th g e nuj ne c0ncer n i n , r, he p e r f e c t t-sh i rt o r p a i r of b0ots for an ':' s a d l o o k i ng f'j re ma n , I tri e d to m ake them ':- : : : a d e a t h i f o n l y fo r a n i n stant. '.: : To r em jnd :-: ':t -; o ut th e j r c o l l ea g u e s d i d n o t d i e jn vain, that .-, r' : C s a v i n g p e o p l e a n d th a t w e ar e stjll her e : ":.:e d t h e m m o re th a n e ve r. T h e y ar e str ong :'. : , 31s , t h o s e to wh o m th e e n ti re city is look T h e r e s p ect w d s mu tu a l ; th ey wer e appr e; -a ::' . : -arf. n y h e l p an d o f my p re se n ce, which to m e -, : o f t h a n k i n g th e m. ^:y '. : : o p 1 e t a l k i n g; I h e a r i t o n TV, a longing pr e v i o u s l i fe , ':- - : fo r th i n g s to r etur n to :-- :"' .

B u t I d o n 't wa n t th e m to , I hdve r ealized r - ; ' . e I u s e d t o b e , h o w co mfo rta bl e and sel f::- : : : I w a s , I wa n t to ma ke th i s under standing

> tIa C ItT qi tl rrn print. was a glainy black and white > The site a 1on9 shot at moonlight.

It was nuch colder > exposure to it actually vas.

It was grandiose, > Look at than nole than anticipated.

Its > beautiful threat tooned high and lived within the snoky debrisi > and large, fragof a people. a place, and a tine. >neDls Its terrain except for the chain > was barren of people repetihanding > tively down relics to one another.

These were the arteries lunning through > people this veswith rhythm, syncopation, and devotion. > lige, The menacing heavy nachinery > usually was not such in to its backdrop, except for the massive > comparison that was pulling and ripping thousaods > leeth of tons great ease.

Encircling the sile >with were empty cavproudly that had once stared out.

All > ities windows blown out, Iarge glass and in sone, >were shards huDg from high above.

Inside some of these > slill the thick coating of dust cut with parti> buildings variety inside, > cleF of every of object l4uddy paths rolled through the lobby of one of the > and{ streils port on the site.

This was a nain )buildings of entry all- who worked in the smoking > fo! nasked fig"pit", in droves to the alena where their > ures entered began.

Above the stately narble > shift staircase that down to whele the debris net the mud were > flowed messages and graffiti that > sclawled evoked homage to that had died fron those that > those will forever It is a sacred chanber high above the > miss them. away from the comon nan. > ashes and tucked Its only was the many halogens that beiled > light onto the and radiated though the broken > sight window frames.

> Leaving the nain center of the site and :ai:::: >way back to the outskirts of "town", I :c:-:+: -: > small park that was tucked away fron the --::i::: >concrete. coing inside was like walkinc ::--: : -: >ter wonderland at first, until the !ea::---i .--: :: >was witnessing turned my calm into despa::::::: >olnate trees were woven baskets vith si:a:3: :i >papers strewn throughout thei! linbs. ::e .E-:.a: > buildings shredded hundreds of thousands ::,:-:i --:: > ments and sent them billoving down upor. --:,::: _::-_:_: ) Lj.ttle scraps in tegalese and corporate --: r > seemed to be giving out an SOS call o! .-:.s > had actually happened.

These little vo:ces --::: u ) once so lalge and powerful wele now hllg-€ a:-: :: )The j--: grounds wele covere d in thick laye:s:: )dust mixed with this encrypted infonai:c:-. ;:--: )halogens coning through the branches I r.: )see any slight movemen t, but nothing more:. --:: :-::: )was a direct separation of earth and skli. > Ihree blocks north I leturn to Stuyvesa:-::;: ) School. place, This compound is a special ::::-_-: )more so for the rescue workers who needs: ;:-)away from the pit.

It's on the outskit:s :: '::--a >central" but within limits.

It has a p:::: :-:--: \ its ;: charter was enacted by a group of c:r:-:)unteers who got past the guards at the:€::1--_: > transforned it into a twenty-four hour aa:a:a::: >triage, s:::and supply/clothing center, t showers, and cots.

Going up the stairs : -:::-:+i e:-::--:: ) massage tables that are occupied by bo--: >beast.

The best recipients for massage ie::-: :i:-: : ) cue dogs i j-n the course of a week I sa'i :-j )Shepard's melt into subnission, by a f::e:-:-1 -:'; :1

the "pit", I walked through a labyrinth >Upon leaving nuddy canals laden with file hoses and > of puddles, that wires.

The corridor once used to be > electrical of this building is dalk except > the lobby for the flashlights and splashing boots. > rush of quivering a seri-es of lobbies > On the way out I 9o through and personnel dools.

Security stood ) revolving stj-l-L, guarding. on what they were actually > ruminating Once and into what used to be the coultyard near > outside a sigh of relief vould cone about. > the Hudson River was liqhter, the air nore breathable. >The atmosphere and mashed potatoes chicken > Wafts of grilled and biological the burnt el-ectrical > replaced odols This was a rather bustling hub, caf6 > inside. culture finest.

Men and women were sitting > at its at the original outdoo! tables that lined the exterior > of buildings, many in repose and frustrated. > the nain and drinking merriLy, or shoul-d I say as > some eating get during as one could a t-ime like >merry this.

It place.

Spray-painted scraps >was an mazing of wood the ne{ road signs, > becile grow each day.

Even the caf6, which volun> and vould created the first few days, had its >teers own marthat read "FREEDOM CAFE". I found a table >quee near that outdoor sculpture was now a garbage > the large Heaps of bl-ack bags cascaded Iike a funnel > dunp.

I'm not sure who the artist >down from the top of it. but its bright orange colo! was a recognizable >was, for the Sanilation > slmbol workers, Perhaps a new given to alt in tines of tragedy, > meaning was one of priority.

Nonetheless I couldn'l > lesser decide this work had become more or less imDortant > whether context, > in this > > > > > > > > >

/

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> continuing you enter down the hall the de?:.-iE:->store of ground zero, the most popular D-=::::: > to hang out at between shifts.

It was p::-.:-' . z by an tttractive group of young women i.--: ,-===->pe!sonalities that would brighten the rea::.:-:i: > This was the first place one woul-d coBe --. .:--:: >returning flom the pit, whethe! to sho6e:, .:-;e >clotbes, or to just let off some sted 5e:::: ::: ) ner.

There {as always a need to talk airc:_- ::::i_) experiences that they had encountered.

Sc:€ a: --:, >stories woul-dn't be believable if thei! :=:E= -: >bodies were not attached. one man, who :a: r.--+: >own business in Coney Island, told ne a s--:a-. :: ) he was paying taxes to the city in one --:-;e: -.::: > his brother payj,.!r :-:: was in the next toser ::r= )while it coltapsed.

He had never Left a:.. i.: > searching now for seventy-two hours wi_-:c:: =--:>This gir::::--:---,molning he had found a litt]e >her teddy He said bear, sbe fooked so pe3:e:::s \she was lsleep. tle said her skin was ..===*= "-:: >they took a litt1e bit of water and a:a-s, ::: r: > her off.

Sitting down with a hot meal and coffee, a little past with whizzed painted "morgue" in flu9o1f cart orescent orange on the back window.

All that I could do was look at my friend next to me and let out a juxtaposigrin, I am not sure if it was the strange tion or sleep that made me do it. depravation whatever it was nade hin do it too.

It was a beautiful morning at a place that resembled the most unlikely resort.

> There was this nan fron Pennsylvania rbo --,-: ---? > Rottveiler rescue dogs.

I saw hin one rc::-::--r:=l ) he was linpj.ng.

He told ne that he had ::s-- :+: ) lowered one hundred and fifty feet into a :a:r :: )with one of his dogs strapped to his ches--. .1*- ->he saw were heads and torsos, on the rav aaai :: \knee got ripped on a girder. tte said ti:i--:-:::: >been interviewed by a nevs agency, and o: ::i: --= >vision they had asked hin if there vas hc!€:= -\ne that he couldn't believe that they da:i: =;r : question. )that and forced hin to Iie.

you come to a makeshift north > Farther nal-1 or as it here the "FLEA MARKET". At this strip >was called a coul-d shop fo! a new pair of boots > weary worker quite melted rapidly at the pit), > (rubber T-shirts. products, hygienic a little ) shoe insoles, of everyThese stores were more fike flanchises > thing. to the store, which was located"on the perimeter >main of Dotted mall along this strip were small food > town. usually with snacks.

One day however >vendors, I saw made by elementary > a bunch of brownies school- chilin notes and poems to those > dren wrapped aiding in people, the relief.

For the rescue these snall > nind, did wonders fo! their as weII > lokens as their This mall wrapped alound the contour > stomachs. of and had a strange resemblance > the water to a tourist that one night encounter at any port > bureau of trav> el.

)It has now been fou! weeks since I was a_- G::-: ) Zero.

I feel a vulnerability that I did :-c-- :r;E: >ence before.

This alternate reality tha! : .:rd ) Iiving in is the one I find hard to accep: .s =j ) Iife.

On the "inside", I found security a:.c ::E:' ) ment and no desire past to look the barr:e:a --:a->held me in. i:-So many lives ended that day, ::: ) that so nany lives Things se:s changed. that --:.cei granted ) for took on a whole new neaning, a:.c =i* -.=:: ) fluous thoughts that used to occupy my ni:i > discarded.

Maintaining a sense of solidari:i :::l ) t.hese t-ines of paranoia and thleat becohe ::-a:.a:) ingly necessary, as both have nof E:uE "worlds" >helpless.

Much larger issues are now al s-.aie, ) issues that none of us seem to have anv co.-:::) over.

the way from the Freedon caf6 in the harbor > Acloss CRUISE LINE", >was docked the "SPIRIT another unlikefor while a disasler. > Iy sight along the promenade to this boat one would > walking kiosks to get your boots, hands > cone to many serv-ice The boat as most people knov is a > and eyes washed. and dinner boat that a New Yorker sees on a > party basj-s.

Placed in this context one fu1ly > regular great what a truly city this is. > realizes On the juice, level is a bar with catorade, water, > first A hot buffet line was set in both the > and coffee. and the back of the boat, along with > front tables and on the outside decks.

People > inside eating while {atching the smoldering wreckage on the deck was > but somehow strangely romant.ic. > hard to grasp, were nultiple counselors, therapists > Ihere and cartesting the troops' mental > ing volunteers, stabiliwith their eyes wide open for > ty, the first sign of coning on. I,ly favorite was the blonde > a breakdown who was always seen sitting > wonan from England on a insisting on talking about. t'he first > lap or two, popped up. I like that to refer > thing to her as the Monroe of the disaster relief.

It was amaz>Marilyn

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> Ihere are so nany drawj-ngs and cards talpi :a _:€ > walls .:--: and colums, all nostly in crayon :, ) of fire and policemen.

There is one tha-- =--::r ) in my mind that was disturbing but hones--. :: :-E _ >magic narker and red crayon are an ina-ce:: :.) ers on fire and running up the side of c:-= :: --:+ ) word KABOOM and running down the othe! :r o:€ > KABLA.I',.

)As I valk along downtown Broadway I notice sac-,: ) different, sonething I have not seen befole, --:= )most beautiful sunset over downtown Manhat--a:. :-> as if the sky itsetf opened up and expandec :--: ) Iight in a new way. I d not fililiar *ith --:e=: )colors and intensities at this time of day. ::e = > shines through this void created by destruc--:.:-, \it's yet ironic it fills me and pushes itse-: )through me. It has been yeals since this se----::; ) existed. and I know it be years will before :: :a ) be truty appreciated. .

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