8ª Edition Adriana Chiari Magazine by Adriana Chiari Magazine

ADRIANA CHIARI8 WOMAN'S GUIDE Nº

Ana Cardoso

Get to know the inspiring story of Ana Cardoso, journalist, sociologist and writer of the best seller book 'Mummy Rocks'

Autism

The lack of understanding and the wrong assumptions about the subject

STYLISH EXPECTING MOTHERS Who says you cannot dress well during pregnancy?

SAY YES, SAY NO! Stablishing limits - the healthy balance between 'yes' and 'no' in your child education

WHEN TALKING IS NOT OPTIONAL Your child is getting lost in the outside world – or in your own home?

compulsion When desire knows no boundaries

chat with renata The story of the birth of her three children, her three separations and how she still believes that breaking up can actually bring people closer together

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Production Photography Lufe Gomes (Cover), Daniela Luquini, Giselle Sauer, Heber Barros, Kim Farina, Estúdio Barbarella e Cláudio Fonseca Make up Ariane Alberti e Roseane Shekinah Art Direction Ollie General Director Adriana Chiari

Jornalists Deyse Carbonera and Marília Maciel Editors Adriana Chiari e Daniela Luquini Collaborator Mônica Wouters

ADRIANA CHIARI MAGAZINE

ADRIANA CHIARI MAGAZINE Adriana Chiari Magazine and Productions Ltd makes every effort to ensure that information contained in these pages is accurate and up to date. However, we cannot guarantee that inaccuracies will not occur and we cannot give you any warranty nor can we make any representation regarding the accuracy or completeness of the content of our magazine. ACMP Ltd, it's employees or agents cannot be held responsible for any loss, damage or inconvenience caused as a result of use of this magazine, or reliance on the information provided or any other information accessed via these pages. ACMP Ltd accepts no liability for any such loss, damage or inconvenience and it is up to the User to satisfy himself of the suitability of the magazines which he uses entirely at his own risk. Access to and use of this web and magazine is at the user's own risk and ACMP Ltd does not warrant that the use of this web site or magazine any material downloaded from it will not cause damage to any property, including but not limited to loss of data or computer virus infection. ACMP Ltd is not responsible for the contents or accuracy of any linked web sites and does not necessarily endorse the views expressed within them. These links are provided for your convenience and do not imply that we endorse or support those organisations, the information on their pages, or their products or services in any way. These sites are not under the control of Kelsey Publishing Ltd and we cannot be responsible for their content. We cannot guarantee that these links will work at all times and we have no control over the availability of the linked pages. You link to such web sites at your own risk. ACMP Ltd cannot be liable for any loss or damage which may arise from the use of such third party web sites

Dear readers Here we are launching the 8th Edition of our magazine and we are delighted to present it to you for the first time in its English version! Our work has been intense in the last couple of weeks and we took every care to ensure we could deliver top quality material for you to read. Edition 8th is about the family and its diversity. It will inspire you with stories about gender, conflicts, demands of life as well as adjustments and responsibilities in life. In this modern world we live in, the monologue appears to be taking the place of the dialogue more and more, causing people to become isolated sometimes. Living each moment seems to be the great challenge our families face nowadays. The Adriana Chiari Magazine is like a big family. All of us take part by putting together the pieces of a great puzzle. In each issue we add more pieces making the game even more exciting for our family. The players of this game are our readers, our columnists, our journalists, our sponsors and our collaborators. They all play an extremely important role in the making of this wonderful puzzle. I hope you enjoy this journey as much as we do! Thank you all for participating.

Adriana Chiari

REVIEW COVER 12

Get to know the inspiring life stories of Ana Cardoso, journalist, sociologist and writer of the best seller book 'Mummy Rocks’ by Marilia Maciel

FASHION 43

Back to the comfort of what we know by Carol Aquino

Pregnant and stylist, check the article ‘Pregnant’ by Marília Maciel

Teenagers and Fashion, by Thaize de Oliveira

BEAUTY 60

Make up for teenagers – allowed? By Roseane Shekinah

Young children, boys and girls, showing very stylish haircuts, by Raphael Granconato

40 HEALTH 53

What to eat during the monthly period and the menopause. Fewer symptoms by ingesting the right foods, by Amanda Yitzhak

Dr Vania talks to us about how our jobs can be the cause of poor fertility

Can children wear high heels? Are there risks? Decide when to allow it, by Dr Ludgera RomorHenes

LIFESTYLE 34

Says yes, say no! Imposing limits on your children’s education, by Magda Lizbir Gomes

To be a father is to keep on spending, by Marcos Piangers

The European cities to visit with children, by Karla Barbosa

How to correctly invest your money, by Dr Sibia Keila

LIFE BALANCE 48

The important role of a Dad in the baby’s life, by Dr Marcela Pohlmann

Fathers, mothers and children reinvent themselves to adjust their roles to the contemporary family, by Dr Brenda Rocco

Your child is getting lost in the outside world – or in your own home? By Dr Barbara Schneider

COMPORTMENT 25

The world stands still, the ground shakes and a catastrophe is forming. They are calling from the School by Ana Cardoso

Renata Quintella talks to us about her story: three children, three separations and how she still believes it can unite people

When desire knows no boundaries by Katia Kauffman Pessa

Gratitude! The best of life can fit in an embrace, by Jay Neto

Etiquette without the fuss, visiting a new born - Basic guide by Helen Grasso

Autism: the lack of understanding and the wrong assumption about the subject, by Dheyse Carbonera

MOTHER OF THREE By Renata Quintella I got pregnant for the first time at the age of 29 and my son Theo was born when I was 30. Being selfish and immature then, Theo taught me how to be a mother, how to be a better person. Discovering each other was not easy but it was liberating. We learnt how to love each other and in Theo I got to know and experience true unconditional and eternal love. However, when he was 4 years old, his father and I broke up. Not long after this separation I found myself expecting another baby, this time from my best friend who eventually became my husband for 6 years. In 2009 Levi arrived amid the turmoil that was my life at the time: out of work and in a new family structure. Levi came to love, to be loved, and to teach us about patience and companionship. Levi was a present from God to Theo and to us. 8

not have any children, but I keep memories of him, his family and all that I learnt at the time in a special place inside of me.

At the end of 2009 I had to undergo complicated surgery in which I had my fallopian tubes, appendix and right ovary removed. The drugs I was prescribed were just too strong and I had to stop breastfeeding. It was very sad for me.

My other two ex-husbands, fathers of my children, have now re-married. I feel very happy for them both because I feel that in the world we live in, the more that we love the better â&#x20AC;&#x201C; and even better that my children are surrounded by people who love them.

At the end of 2010, miraculously, I got pregnant again. I felt a mixture of honour and fear knowing that I would be the mother of a third child. Years earlier, I had had a small image of a little girl and two boys holding hands tattooed to my back. Without realising at the time, I was predicting my three children. In 2011 Gaia joined us. The delivery was difficult, we struggled, we did not want to become apart. But she was born and she was beautiful and full of grace. I always say that she is like a bonus from God. Today Theo is 13, Levi is 9 and Gaia is 5 years old.

I believe my three marriages were successful. We had beautiful children and we were happy together. When that happiness came to an end, we parted and took new roads. I say that I truly love my ex-husbands. I love and thank them for all we lived through together. Once we love someone, we never really cease loving them, only the love changes its form. It becomes gratitude, respect and affection.

In 2014 I broke up with the father of my two youngest and found myself alone with three little children. As is commonly said, a separation can be as painful as bereavement. Although the relationship was very difficult and I was certainly not the woman he idealized, breaking up was sad as it felt like I had lost my long time best friend.

Nowadays my time is divided between my work, looking after our home, the children, the people at the Institute and of course, looking after myself. I have a number of friends who help me in this sometimes lonely road. But whenever loneliness hits me, it is my children, my friends, my spirituality and the memories of all that I have experienced that show me that I am not alone.

In total I got married three times. The first time I was 19 years old. After our divorce I had no further contact with my first husband, with whom I did 9

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TO BE A FATHER IS TO KEEP ON SPENDING By Marcos Piangers It's the new school year, I have paid the enrolment fees, bought the new materials and new uniforms that will stop the children exposing their bellies, as was the case with the ones from last year. I put aside some money for the break snacks, I bought a new back pack after enduring moaning for a whole year. Still to pay are the school transport, the English book that has not yet arrived at the bookshop and that makes me now consider ending the cable TV subscription, even though I know that a Peppa Pig addict can become dangerous with abstinence. The truth is that it is way too expensive to be a father. Multiply these expenditures by 12 months and then these 12 months for the next 25 years and you will have calculated the costs of a raising a child. This must amount to more than two million Brazilian reals, and I am not adding the costs of a luxury wedding or the costs of repairing my car after the children decide to use it to learn to drive. These are two millions that I invest in the hope that they will become brilliant people, change the world, discover the cure for cancer. I am investing all this money so I can be woken up in the middle

of the night because the girls are scared of the dark. I'm paying to get into traffic from the first day of school. I'm paying to see the end of year presentations. I'm paying for drawings done in just one colour, where I am drawn without a nose. I'm paying for it all and am happy to do so, I need to add. I'm paying all this money to be called a hero when I kill a cockroach. I'm paying this small fortune so that I can be applauded by the girls when I recover the ball that ended up in the neighbour's back yard. I'm paying to know everything, about everything and have answers for every question under the sun. I'm paying and actually it's a bargain. It's a bargain what I pay for the hugs I get. Each hug from a three-year-old girl saves me a fortune that I'd spend on psychiatrists. Each good-night kiss saves me the cardiologistâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s bill. Each 'I love you' that I hear keeps me away from the hospital. What a bargain I have paying for all this. What luck to have found this great deal. What a wonderful bargain it is to be a father.

©Lufe Gomes

WRITER, FEMINIST AND MOTHER By Marília Maciel

Know the inspiring story of Ana Cardoso, journalist, sociologist and author of the best seller book 'A Mamãe é Rock' (Mummy is Rock) At 39, Ana Emília Cardoso is a journalist with a Masters degree in Sociology and a writer. She is also the mother of Anita (12) and Aurora (4). Ana was born in Curitiba (PR) and during her childhood dreamed of becoming a diplomat. From an early age she always was interested in foreign languages, particularly French, but life led her in a different path. After she graduated in Journalism from PUC-PR, she moved to Florianópolis, where she started her career working as a sports journalist. Still she yearned to be involved with projects that could make a difference in people's lives and it was then that she decided to pursue a Master's degree in Political Sociology from UFSC. Ana was teaching Sociology in Blumenau when she found out that she was expecting her first daughter, Anita. She had to stop working and take a break. From that moment on great changes took place in her life. 'From my first pregnancy I understood that being a woman is much more complicated than being a man'

Soon after that they moved to Porto Alegre when her husband's job was transferred to that city and they lived there for the next ten years. In the beginning, to live far away from her family was hard, but with time she got used to her adopted city. She got to know people and was taken in by them, but she always found it hard to understand the chauvinistic behaviour of the ‘gauchos’. A proud feminist, she could not remain silent and was always questioning people about that. In 2010 she started a blog where she could talk about these issues- Anita's House. She had a large fan base and wrote in it for years but eventually gave it up due to actions of haters.

'To me, it was liberating when, in 2005, feminism became the order of the day in the media' Besides her blog, she also developed a social project called Bonne Chance (Good Luck), which aimed at financially helping Senegalese migrants

in Porto Alegre in which they would teach French lessonsthat being the official language of Senegal. In the beginning only a small group of female friends who wished to practise their French skills were interested but eventually the project grew on the internet and came to have more than three thousand people involved. When Ana re-located to Curitiba, Bonne Chance was left under the care of a friend, Marjorie Hattge. Ana is married to Marcos Piangers, a presenter, columnist and author of the best seller book 'O Papai é Pop' (Daddy is Pop) released in 2015 by Editora Belas-Letras. In this book he narrates daily life situations with his daughters Aurora and Anita and emphasises the importance of family life. One year after Marcos had his book published Ana was invited by the same publishing house to write a book that chronicled maternity in real life and she accomplished that with great

skill. Her book 'A mamãe é Rock' (Mummy is Rock) also became a publishing success. “'I think I managed to find the right style to approach the subject in the book. Maternity is a taboo there is only one socially accepted approach. My approach was not in line with that'. The proceeds from the sales of 'O papai é Pop' was given to various charities. One of these charities dealt with children suffering from breathing problems and it became the subject of Ana's second book 'Quando Falta Ar' (Shortness of Breath), which is sold online only. After this title she also wrote 'Natal, Férias e Outras Histórias' (Christmas, Holidays and Other Stories) and now she is part of Canal Bloom, a socio-emotional education project aimed at mothers, fathers and carers that promises to revolutionize many people's lives. We, for one, do not doubt that for a minute.

Adriana Chiari - How will Canal Bloom be like? Ana - Canal Bloom is a web platform filled with contents that are related to the first infancy- up to the age of 6. In it you will find podcasts (audio programmes you can play in your mobile or computer), infographic guides to help you understand and deal better with particular subjects, cartoons, curiosities and reading suggestions about each phase and the difficulties in educating a child. For example, how to deal with bellyaches, tantrums, agressions, parents separation among many others. All information is based on science research. I am one of the final editors, the one that makes sure the language is accessible to all regardless of their background, so that anyone can understand and apply these ideas and suggestions to their daily fives.

Adriana Chiari - For you, what is the greatest challenge when the subject is education? Ana - I believe that an important part in educating comes from setting examples. Thereby, if I am constatly seen with a book in my hands, it's normal that my daughters will also be interested in reading. If I greet people when I see them, that shows me as being polite; this will form the mental pattern that the girls will have. Obviously not all is that simple since people are complex and different but, in my oppinion, a lot can come from this simple attitude. One of my greater challenges is to teach them the value of money. Children think that things are all very cheap, have you noticed that? I also want them to be generous and respectful towards other people. Kindness is fundamental in order to create a healthy environment around you and also in creating constructive relationships with people.

Adriana Chiari - How did your involvement with the feminist movement start? Ana - I've been a feminist from the time I did a field research for my Masters degree in Political Sociology. I was at an MST settlement and I realised that the women had little opportunity to speak, they seemed to be very repressed in that particular settlement. That shocked me because I realised that I had been living in a bubble and had never seen women's reality clearly. From this time on, there has been no going back, I started to identify a series of chauvinistic attitudes around me and I became a militant. Many people still has that visual image of the militant feminist as a woman that is ugly, hairy and un-loved. Actually, this perception is now changing both in Brazil and around the world. I write for feminist sites (Casa da Mae Joana), organize feminist podcasts with girl friends, give talks, I'm the annoying one that does not put up with misogynist jokes at whatsapp, I am a friend to all women. I'm always ready to listen and help, without judging.

Adriana Chiari - Have you at any time felt that you would have to sacrifice your career in order to look after the girls? Ana - Often. I never considered giving up working altogether, I have never even stopped working temporarily. But to conciliate a formal job with young children is very hard. Because looking after young children implies all sorts of schedules and timetables- and that is hard to fit in with a job. Adriana Chiari - What changed in your life after the success of the book 'A Mamae e Rock' (Mummy is Rock)? Ana - I joke that every one deserves to have a great success. In practical terms things change little but inside you will never be the same again after you have produced something that had such a positive impact. I guess that made me feel more assured, more confident.

ÂŠLufe Gomes

I believe that an important part in educating comes from setting examples. Thereby, if I am constatly seen with a book in my hands, it's normal that my daughters will also be interested in reading.

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A pregnant woman can look elegant, modern and sexy in her own way; all she needs to do is come up with a look that fits her body. Loose dresses, be they short or long, are a key piece since you can wear them throughout the pregnancy; choose styles to achieve a more contemporary look. The addition of a third piece; a waistcoat, a kimono, a blazer or a jacket, will make you look taller and add a special charm. They will create the impression of a sophisticated look and that is also cool.

PREGNANT AND STYLISH. WHO SAYS YOU CANNOT DRESS WELL DURING PREGNANCY? By MarĂlia Maciel

Pregnancy is the most enchanting and outstanding time in a women's life. Still at this time many women will think that nothing fits them, that nothing they put on will suit them and so they end up not bothering with their appearance throughout this time.

Many pregnant women are scared of wearing leggings with a tunic, but this popular combo can look good when combined with the right accessories, like those favourite white trainers, a metallic oxford shoe or those stylish ballerinas. Hats, earrings and necklaces are always very welcome to add a more personalised look. We had a chat with Laurinha Marinho, fashion designer, blogger and mother of Aurora who is 1 1/2 years old AC- How did you use to choose your looks? Laurinha - I always opted for clothes that are comfortable and for light fabrics because pregnant women always feel hot. I chose basic pieces and wore accessories with abandon so I could get to wear the same pieces all the time only changing the accessories. Tight dresses and skirts can also look good and they highlight your belly. AC- What pieces did you enjoy wearing the most? Laurinha- I basically had two pairs of shorts, a black and a denim one which I used to wear with everything. That and a pair of leggings that I used to combine with a tunic in neutral colours. That was really handy. AC- How did you manage to look stylish while pregnant? Laurinha- I used to research Pinterst for inspiration on pregnant women's fashion and looks. I never refrained from being daring during this time and always kept my style.

"I always opted for clothes that are comfortable and for light fabrics because pregnant women always feel hot. I chose basic pieces and wore accessories with abandon so I could get to wear the same pieces all the time only changing the accessories." Laurinha Marinho

Folow Laurinha Marinho on Instagram: @laurinhamarinho Follow Mika on Instagram: @mikaelys 19

Folow Milka on Instagram: @milkaelys

"Sun Glasses, purses, earrings and necklaces are always welcome and full of personality."

A pregnant woman can be elegant, sexy and modern. Be the way she wants to be by just arranging the look according to the her body shape.

EMPTY SPACE IN A FULL FAMILY By Dr Brenda Rocco

Father, mother, children, grandparents... The family has always existed, but if through history it has gone through several transformations, in the last century these changes have been faster and more marked. These intense social transformations have been reshaping the structure of the family. The members of the family adopt new roles. Fathers, mothers and children reinvent themselves to become fathers, mothers and children in the contemporary family.

This creates a gap within the family which affects the subjective constitution of the children and consequently leads to children who are more vulnerable and thus adults who are more vulnerable. Running parallel to this, there is a kind of child tyranny that feeds on the guilt which parents feel for not giving the children the time and attention they think they deserve.

The great operating factor of the contemporary family is the fact that women now abandon their exclusive role as mothers; they now study, work outside the home and compete with men in the public arena. This has reshaped the notion of family.

This means that the social transformations in themselves have created a gap within the contemporary family. The great question is how to handle and fill in the gap that has been created.

The confusion of roles creates an unclear situation in the family, since women now step out of the home environment to conquer the world but men do not embrace the role that women previously had.

In my clinic I come across the most varied ways by families try to fill these gaps, like filling the children's free time with extracurricular activities.

It can be swimming classes, English classes, ballet training, music and sometimes martial arts classes or extra support tuition, but this all creates stress for the children. It is almost an unconscious way of filling up the children's free time in the illusion that they will not miss their parentsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; presence.

Few families come to the clinic and look for help before this empty gap appears. Normally they come when the gap is already there and they don't know what to do. How to to bridge the distance? How to fill the gap that has formed? When the family gets the news that a baby is on its way, they soon think things like; 'we need a bigger car' or 'we need money for better schools or to move house'.

Another form is the 'institutionalization' of motherhood: children will be sent at an ever younger age to schools and crĂ¨ches while the parents arrive home ever later in the day. Or perhaps changes in roles of the family members, as when the grandmother becomes the mother. This somehow relieves the parentsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; guilt since the child is not staying with a stranger. But they forget that in this arrangement the child is deprived of its right to have its grandmother playing her proper role but instead has one that is charged with educating.

Thus we see that the desires, ideals, anxieties and frustrations of these parents get all mixed up and they start to drown in a cocktail of feelings that make them feel even more lost in their role as parents. They get so lost that they forget what it actually is to be a child, what a child likes and needs.

The director from Aurora's first nursery was not very objective. Sometimes she would call me to let me know about a slight temperature and would say 'but all is fine' so often that it sounded like a lie to me. As if she was trying to convince herself of that. Despairing. Telephone calls from the school should be banned. An e-mail for instance, does not freak anyone out. It is the best way to preserve the family institution. For the cardiac welfare of all mothers, more e-mails and little notes in the diary, please. And when the situation is serious, a police, or even, hospital case? As when (knock on wood) the child is hit by a football and faints, falls down the stairs and breaks a leg or has a fit during a science class?

A CALL FROM THE SCHOOL

What about sending a psychologist to meet the parents, sedating them and only then talking to them? Or perhaps, the authorities should have helicopters available for us to use in such cases. Because there is nothing worse than being stuck in traffic when we are trying to pick up a child froom school with our heart beating more than 200 times a minute.

By Ana Cardoso The world stands still, the ground shakes, a catastrophe is forming. They are calling from the school. You can't hear anything else and if they ask you whether you agree to donate your internal organs for scientific experiments on Mars you will probably say yes. This moment, now, take them.

The odds of having a car crash increases by some 500%. The insurance companies should ask us: 'Do you have children? Do they often get ill in winter? Do you sometimes have to pick them up during your working hours? I'm sorry madam, but we will have to re-calculate your policy'.

Few situations leave parents in such a high state of tension. It's so horrible that we answer the phone in a state of fatality: 'Yes, it's me, tell me all, I'm coming right now', even before they even explain the reason. Albeit, most often, trivial.

Perhaps I am exaggerating. The fact is that we have to trust the school and hope that their number never shows on our telephone screen.

AUTISM: the lack of understanding and the wrong assumption about the subject By Dheyse Carbonera

Talking to a friend of mine, the pedagogue Márcia Mariano, who has worked with autistic children, I realized how little my knowledge of the subject was. The lack of information leads us to make assumptions that are often erroneous. On that account I am dedicating this space so we can understand the subject better. There are several types of autism, however each syndrome has its own specific nomenclature: Classic Autism, Asperger’s Syndrome, Atypical Autism, High Functional Level Autism, Semantic-Pragmatic Disturbance, Spectrum of Autism Disturbance. All these words and expressions are used to describe kinds of autism or states related to autism. Autism is a qualitative difficulty that affects the way in which a person communicates with other people and relates to the world around them. People with autism have difficulties in two main areas. These areas are sometimes called the “triad of qualitative deviation” (of communication): Difficulty in understanding and using language for

Many times the teachers told me to enrol my sons in a specialised school, because they had difficulties in following the rhythm of the class. But to me relating to non autistic children helps in the advancement of the treatment. The school employees deal considerately with my sons. They care, respect and look after them.

communication in social interactions and in relations with other people. Many people with autism have unusual relationships with sound, light and touch sensations. They can also have learning difficulties and dyslexia. People with Aspergerâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Syndrome, however, do not have learning difficulties but share the two difficulties outlined above. Studies prove that there are

more than 535.000 people with autism in the United Kingdom. This syndrome is more common in men than in women. People with autism have no physical disability, they do not need wheelchairs and the majority look just like any other nonautistic person. Because of that, it can be more difficult for the general public to understand what autism is.

The causes of autism? Nobody knows for sure what the cause is, but there are studies that point towards possible genetic connections. It can also be associated with the way the brain develops before, during and just after birth. Autism is not caused by bad behaviour of the parents or by the child's education.

People with autism may have difficulties in understanding and using gestures, facial expressions or voice tones. Other difficulties include answering questions and following instructions, repeating what has been said (this is referred to as 'echolalia'), starting and maintaining a conversation. They may use complex words, but do not understand their meaning. Or they may talk about a specific personal interest without realising that other people do not share that interest. Some people with autism may not develop speech. How can you help? Attract the person's attention before you start a conversation (for instance, touch him or her on the shoulder or call out their name). Use a kind of language that the person can understand. Speak clearly and use short words. Use imagery to aid understanding. Give time so that the person with autism can react to what you said. Consider other forms of communication, such as written, gestures, or use imagery if necessary. People with autism may have difficulties in understanding and expressing emotions and feelings in a socially acceptable manner. They may want to interact with other people but do not know how. They may not understand the different social rules for different situations. They may not like sharing activities with others and meeting new people. In order to help it is required that you understand that the person with autism may need to spend time by himself. Encourage him to interact with others, perhaps by rehearsing some situations at home or at school; work towards encouraging him to use better forms of communication. Channel his behaviour towards socially accepted forms. If the person is anxious or agitated, look for a place where he can calm down. Because of lack of knowledge, many parents do not know how to act once their children are diagnosed with autism. This was the case of the Brazilian Julia Oliveira, 46, mother of three children, two of them with autism. 'My three pregnancies were very quiet. I was living in a provincial town in England named Spalding when I had my first son, JoĂŁo, who at almost two years of age still had difficulties in speaking. 30

I decided to look for a doctor and was told that my son was having difficulties to start speaking because of the language confusion' she recounts. According to the doctor, the fact that the parents were foreigners and spoke a different language made it difficult for the child to learn to speak. Months after that, Julia visited her family in Brazil and looked for a pediatric doctor there. The son could not even speak a single word. The pediatric doctor advised her to consult a general clinician and a neurologist. That was the beginning of a two year period of monitoring until JoĂŁo was diagnosed with autism.

'Many times the teachers told me to enrol my sons in a specialised school, because they had difficulties in following the rhythm of the class. But to me relating to non autistic children helps in the advancement of the treatment. The school employees deal considerately with my sons. They care, respect and look after them.

Back in the UK, shattered and sad, Julia looked for the help of various professionals to try to understand her son's condition. After a long triage and visits to several specialist doctors, she started to understand the subject. During this search Julia got pregnant and had her second son, Rafael, who also showed difficulties in speaking. When she consulted the specialists, the diagnosis was the same: Rafael also had autism.

My sonsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; presence made the school re-evaluate their position regarding special needs children and create a room used specifically for activities that help in educating children with different needs. 'My sons attend therapy with a psychologist twice a week, they do yoga and gymnastic classes. Rafael does music and cooking classes, and this help a lot in his development' , says the mother, who dreams of seeing her sons leading a perfectly normal lifer.

Many parents opt for their children to attend specialised schools, but Julia decided that her sons would go to a normal school. An organisation that helps parents of children with autism, here in the UK, advised Julia to look for regular schools that accepted autistic children with extra monitoring.

Julia had another pregnancy; her daughter Gabriela is not autistic. She helps with the activities and relates really well with her brothers. ' We need to persevere and constantly motivate our children to do the activities. The family is a fundamental part of the treatment', concludes the mother of JoĂŁo, Rafael and Gabriela, who even with her busy routine finds time to help parents who are going through the same situation and do not know anything about the subject.

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Hair

Children, boys and girls alike, want to have a great hairstyle.

By Raphael Granconato

When the subject is children's hair we have to be practical as children do not have the patience to invest 20 or 30 minutes in fixing their hair. I remember a friend who used to get frustrated because she was forced to have her hair cut with a fringe at the age of 12. Her mother used to say that she was the one to decide on such matters. We agree that the parents must act sensibly and reasonably but they also need to allow the child to make some of the choices. We should allow our children to take part in choosing their hair style by offering them some choices. It's their hair after all. During the warmer seasons hairstyles tend to be shorter to provide some coolness. The Chanel style is always a good choice for girls as is the short military style for boys. The option of a long side fringe can also be a good one. Adolescence is the most laborious time for parents. It's when they have to make extra efforts in order not to lose control over their children. However they must not be so strict and authoritative - they are no longer dealing with a young child. A balance must be found between limits and freedom. When it comes to teenagers, the trend is not practicality but instead what counts are the trends from the latest fashion shows. Teenagers are very fashion conscious. Since they are not considered adults yet, in many schools, they are not allowed haircuts and hair colourings that are too bold. Generally teenagers follow the taste of the group of which they are part. At this age fringes are in high and the 'undercut' style with some artistic touches is a good option for girls as they can hide the art when they have their hair down.

SAY YES, SAY NO

The eternal generational conflict brings about doubts about what is the best way to educate children without making them too selfish or too dependent. Finding out the balance between freedom and authority in the familial relationship is not an easy task.

By Magda Lizbir Gomes

When parents freely allow children to do whatever they like, they are not teaching them the notions of individual and relational limits. They are not teaching them what is permissible and what is not.

Imposing limits on your children's education: how to establish a healthy relationship between Yes and No.

Parents use several arguments as a means not to act, for instance: 'They do not know what they're doing', 'They are too young to learn', â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;We will teach them when they are bigger', 'We know we shouldn't allow this, but it looks so cute', etc. When a child does something for the first time, she always looks around to see if she has pleased someone. The behaviour will then be repeated if that is the case, because she understands that her action has been approved. At this age a child still does not have the ability to measure the correctness or not of her actions.

Therefore, when parents accept misbehaviour, disrespect, a breaking of limits, they are not helping their child to understand that their behaviour is not socially approved.

1. Fathers and mothers should not be seen as friends, they are parents and should demand responsibilities from their children. 2. Being able to say 'no' is important because, when children grow without ever hearing a 'no' they will fall apart when confronted with opposition. They will become adults without a sense of ethics, gratitude or civility. 3. The art of becoming mother and father is to provide children with the development so that they grow up to become independent world citizens. 4. 4. Mothers who work outside of the home should not try to compensate for their absence by allowing their children everything they ask for. 5. The modern family is very different from that of previous generations. An significant feature is that it is now more fragmented and there is a lack of intimacy: everyone eats at a different time and sometimes the kids eat in their own rooms connected to the internet. It is necessary that parents improve their relationship with the kids, with more exchange of love and affection to boost their self esteem. Otherwise kids may look for that outside of the home environment. 6. It is fundamental that the parents follow their children's studies and do not leave this responsibility entirely to the school teachers. 7. Discipline does not mean punishment.

A mother feels joy in seeing her child happy. It hurts her to have to say 'no' but in not doing so she becomes a slave to the 'yes'. During a lecture I attended I met Daniela Freixe de Faria, a child psychologist who convinced me with this explanation: To say 'no' to a child is important. It will imbue the learning of self-restraint in the child. When you satisfy immediately the desire a child has for a present, you signal to her that all it takes to have something is to want it. The child's brain will not learn to build that time gap between the desiring and having something. The understanding of this is very important so that the child will become an adult capable of building a life with solid foundations. And when the parents themselves lack discipline? The lack of discipline many times comes from the parents, from their excessive care in making children happy or because they try to compensate for the fact that they are not always present in their child's day. Often excessive care and love can lead the parents to disrespect the child. Especially when the parents neglect the biological discipline of the child, like, for instance, by feeding them when they are clearly not hungry, or asking them to be quiet all the time when the child is with other children, or insisting that they sit quietly on someone's lap, or forcing the child to go to sleep at a certain time, even when the child is not willing to. The child will react. At an older age they will do so in a more forceful way. When very young there will be some crying and opposition, later on there will be arguments and a change in behaviour. Indiscipline and disrespect as a means of rebellion will then occur towards the parents. Iรงami Tiba, author of the bestseller 'Quem ama, educa' (If you love, you educate) whom I had the pleasure of meeting while attending one of his seminars, contributes with some teachings from his book. Check this out! 35

WHEN TALKING IS NOT OPTIONAL

into the world of responsibilities and adult commitments, after that, later on, the children are directed towards building their own life.

By Dr. BĂĄrbara Schneider

For adolescence, the most complex phase of human development, the family has the important job of supplying the psychological capacities that will help their offspring to stand out and survive in a world that changes more and more quickly. The role of the family is to provide a system of emotional support to the teenagers, so that they can exercise their autonomy and independence. Changes do not affect only teenagers; the parents also will face changes in their roles, and if this is not clear, the difficulties will only increase. But how to deal

The family goes through many stages. In each of them different competencies are demanded from the family members. Many structures have changed within the families and, just as importantly, within its members. In childhood, the parentsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; dedication goes towards the care, support and building of a strong value base for healthy growth. The following phase will be the preparation for introducing the adolescent 38

possibilities for establishing realistic and sensible limits, and an increase in the tolerance of minor transgressions. The fear of conflict can make the teenager avoid asking questions or sharing ideas, and this generates distance and lack of trust. Parents who are less reactive to the challenges faced by the teenagers perhaps will not understand their reactions, and instead of feeling attacked or threatened by the criticism will ask questions, will listen to the explanations and will share their feelings. This method helps parents and teenagers to negotiate their differences and conflicts. Teenagers need to dabble and to risk in order to become more self-confident and independent. They need permission and encouragement in order to become responsible for themselves. But this does not mean that they need to disconnect from their parents, it means that they need to be encouraged to take part in decision-making. By doing so a bond is built that creates closeness and affection between parents and children. Family dialogue can be a moment of relaxing, chatting, exchanging jokes, relating unusual facts and having fun together. This can happen with the inclusion of the children in the domestic chores, having a meal together, a get together, a day out, etc. It is necessary to make it clear to the teenager what is expected of him; that he goes to school, does sports, studies at home, learns to look after himself without the help of the adults, does not use drugs, does not get pregnant and respects the family rules.

with this in the family? Dialogue and flexibility are key for the familyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s success at this stage. Increasing the flexibility of the familial frontiers will allow the teenagers greater independence and personal development. Often, in trying to deal with conflicts generated during this period, the parents look for solutions that used to work in previous stages. The parents try to hold back, to accept blindly or to reject the teenagers. These on the other hand, in an effort to break free, retract emotionally behind closed doors, look towards the grandparents for support or look towards examples of friends with greater freedom, creating a separation that is not healthy. When the home environment is a place where information is openly shared, there are greater

Parents and children often live apart, rarely cry together or talk about their dreams, their emotional wounds, joys and frustrations. Parents need to value the child more than the act that the child committed. Dialogue is an irreplaceable educational tool. There ought to be authority in the parent-child relationship, but true authority is created with intelligence, love and dialogue. We must not be afraid of losing our authority, we must be afraid of losing our children. 39

Lisbon, Portugal

THE BEST EUROPEAN CITIES TO VISIT WITH CHILDREN

Hello travellers. I have selected 5 European destinations to visit as a family. From Amsterdam to Berlin and from Iceland to Denmark. From fairy tale castles to zoos and from family-friendly restaurants to museums. Now travelling in Europe with children can be a simpler experience. There are a growing number of cities that are child friendly, whether babies or teenagers. There are options for all ages.

By Karla Barbosa

1. Paris (France)

The most visited city in Europe could not stay out of this list. From the vibrancy of its street life to delicious and ever present local food, children will marvel at this city. Do not forget a visit to the Eiffel Tower where the big decision may be whether to climb the stairs or use the lift. Museums, green parks and galleries; the possibilities are endless. And, of course, you can always take a quick trip to Disneyland.

2. Copenhagen (Denmark)

Fairytale castles, inspiring landscapes, brilliantly colourful buildings and a culture where children and adults are treated as equals make Copenhagen one of the focal points of Europe. It's here that we can find two of the oldest amusement parks in the world and they will make you wish you could stay there forever. Blue Planet, the largest aquarium in Northern Europe with its more than 20 thousand animals will surely delight the young ones and adults alike.

3. Amsterdam (Holland)

When we hear about Amsterdam, the first thought that comes to our minds is that this is not a city for children. But the fact that it has a very relaxed culture makes Amsterdam a perfect city in which to spend a family holiday. There are 'child friendly' food like pancakes and those famous potato chips as well as bicycle tours that are ideal to take with all the family. There is also a museum that, in summer, transforms its terrace into a beach.

4. Reykjavik (Iceland)

A safe and compact city that welcomes children of all ages should always appear at the top of any list. Fortunately, Reykjavik offers not only safety and proximity but also lots of other family activities. In a culture where babies are often left sleeping in their buggies while parents do a bit of shopping, this is a city worth checking. From the natural hot spring spas that have swimming pools and slides exclusive for children all the way to the Northern Lights (Aurora Borealis), whale watching and the trying on of viking armours, this city has activities for all ages.

5. Lisbon (Portugal)

Where else can you go out for dinner, enjoy a relaxed meal accompanied by good wine while the children are entertained in a separate 'children only' area of the restaurant? Relax on one of the many beaches or experience one of the cable-cars that criss-cross the city; Lisbon is full of adventures. The largest castle in the city encourages the little ones to dive into the world of catacombs, dragons and kings and queens. The aquarium and zoo enable direct contact with species from all over the world.

And finally, when is the best time to travel in Europe? Considering air ticket prices, avoid the high season (the highs of summer or the festive holiday season). The months of December, January, July and August are the priciest ones. It is worth researching different dates throughout the year to see the difference in prices. Tips for travelling with children. There are hotels where children are banned. You read it right! So it is a good idea to double-check whether the hotel welcomes children, if it has the appropriate facilities, for instance, if it can heat up a bottle or baby food at night. After you have decided on the destination, design a guide with ideas and present the city to the children, show them the local customs, the life style and the local history, including books and films with local characters. Also try to buy tickets and book restaurants online and avoid the stress of having to queue for these. With an adequate programme, it's possible to enjoy the holidays with the family and make it an unforgettable experience for the children. I wish you all an excellent trip!

Reykjavik, Iceland

YOUNG GIRLS AND HIGH HEELS By Dr Ludgera Romor-Henes

Can children wear high heels? Are there any health risks involved? Know when you can green light high heels to children. Shoes are a woman's best friends. Some say diamonds are but I don't believe that. Many women own so many pairs of shoes that they can't even remember how many. Flat shoes, flip-flops, trainers, boots, sandals... There's always an excuse to buy yet another pair. And, in the name of this 'friendship', I believe that mothers pass this love for shoes on to their daughters, especially the love for high heels. High, very high, the higher the better. I have heard this from a 5 year old girl. They see themselves as princesses. Cinderella's crystal shoes are high heeled, she doesn't wear flat shoes. And young girls do not want to wear flat shoes either, they want to look all grown up, they want to grow up before their time. High heeled shoes are a synonym of femininity, of beauty and elegance, and the little ones want that for themselves. They get inspiration from their mothers, from hearing what their mothers say. But is it the right time to start wearing high heels? Should you allow them to wear high heels and when? Girls insist and mothers give in.

They may think that it will not cause any harm to the girls but it will. Keep the foot flat on the ground is the advice I give to children and teenage girls up to the age of 15 or 16. Because their bones are still being formed, and the growth hormones are at full swing, their bodies are still learning to walk, to balance and to adjust. High heels should not yet be a part of these girlsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; world. A child should run, jump, play, explore, and with high heels this becomes dangerous. The risk of an ankle sprain and strains or even fractures of the ankle and feet increases proportionally to the height of the heels worn. All the structures of the lower limbs of the body; toes, feet, ankles, leg muscles, hip and even spine can be harmed. All this without the mother realising that in order to please the girls she may create a huge future problem. Blisters, skin injuries, corns, broken toe nails, deformed toes, ligament injuries, shortened muscles and aches are some examples of health hazards generated by the early use of high heeled shoes. The bodyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s centre of gravity changes and its biomechanics are altered when we wear high heels. The body leans forwards and all the body weight that should be distributed over the whole foot is concentrated on its front tip, which creates greater stress on the toes. This makes the child

more vulnerable to lesions and professional who can help in very young children who are still the rehabilitation of lesions, developing their walking abilities tendonitis and sprains. are doubly affected by this. So, what is the ideal footwear At an age younger than 7 or 8 for children? Soft trainers, years no kind of heeled shoes preferably those with a slight should be worn, since at this posterior elevation and flexible phase the motor development soles. Whenever possible and and the walking pattern that will when at home, I recommend accompany the child through going barefoot. Allow the child life are still being developed. to experience the world with After this age, heeled shoes may their feet, feel the grass, walk on be allowed very occasionally. I the beach, sand and pebbles. All suggest that it may be allowed this is part of their development. on certain occasion like a party Leave high heels for the adult where the girls will be sitting age, childhood is very short. most of the time. The heels however should be no higher than 2 cm. The place for children's feet is on the ground. Until the age of 16 Always make sure to have a pair girls are still going through the of flat shoes on hand for the growing phase and only after this occasions where the girls wear should they be allowed to wear those 2 cm heel shoes for them high heels. Earlier than that, only to change into when they feel on special occasions and still only tired. Do not forget that the leg after the age of 13. muscles work harder to keep the body balanced when you stand on heels and tired muscles mean higher risks of lesions. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve twisted an ankle, what should I do? See a doctor, have it x-rayed or see a physiotherapist. The physiotherapist is the

High heels and children should not go together. High heeled shoes influence walking abilities. They alter the length of the steps and they cause an impact on muscles and bones during walking.

Family does not always means familiar. We may have brothers, parents, children and other relatives who are often like complete strangers, and at the same time we may have friends or even strangers with whom we instantly connect. It seems that we've known each other for an eternity- that is what we often say to justify this.

BACK TO THE COMFORT OF WHAT WE KNOW By Carol Aquino

MA Fashion Journalism London College of Fashion

With the planet increasingly unstable due to political and economic relations, like the election of Donald Trump, the exit of the United Kingdom from the European Union, the conflicts in Syria, among others, trends in consumption look more and more towards a return to the familiar, to what is comfortable to the consumers. Buyers seem increasingly to seek the reassurance of the familiar in order to feel protected. In a way this 'return to the familiar' permeates all aspects of consumer trends, including fashion. A good example of this is the colours chosen by Pantone for the year 2016. This was a special year, since the company decided for the first time to opt for two colours (instead of only one) to encapsulate the feelings of consumers around the globe. Pantone is a world reference in colours; their colour charts are used as a 'dictionary' of communication among fashion designers and clothes manufacturers, architects and house builders, graphic and web designers, among many others. The influence of the colour choice of the year is enormous, and means a lot to the trends in all creative fields.

Titled 'Rose Quartz' and 'Serenity' (a light blue shade), Pantone describes the choice of these colours as a representation of the consumers' search for their inner self and well-being as an antidote to their daily stress. They provide a calming sensation of order and peace. An interesting fact for those who try to understand trends in a more holistic way is that these colours are also the main ones of an internet movement called Seapunk. In spite of promoting itself via frenetic demonstrations like gifs and Vines, Seapunkâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s principle is a return to the heyday of the internet - namely, a return to the known, to the order, to the familiar. The graphic expression of the movement uses pastel shades abundantly (pink, blue and lilac in particular) and evokes a web design similar to that of the 90s. The appropriation by Pantone may have been a little harsh and even offensive, especially for those who follow Seapunk closely. However, the central idea of normality, return to the known and comfort, is the link between the colour of the year and Seapunk.

Seapunk was not born yesterday, it has circulated in the web for nearly ten years now. Its space in the conventional media has grown exponentially in the last few years, finding echoes in thousands of people who feel nostalgia for the 90s. In fashion, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s easy to see this return to the 90s in certain aspects of the present Seapunk. Seapunk, which was born on the internet, left the screens and shows its expressions in the colourful 'mermaid' hairstyles, the look similar to those of the TV series 'Fresh Prince of Bel Air'- presently aired on Comedy Channel, in the increased use of

emojis and even in recent ultra colourful and exciting adverts from MTV. In fashion shops there are lots of crop tops, jeans with higher waists, 'boyfriend' style (looser), chokers, and a certain Spice Girls meets grunge appearance.

"In fashion shops there are lots of crop tops, jeans with higher waists, 'boyfriend' style (looser), chokers, and a certain Spice Girls meets grunge appearance."

079 7038 4720

RayBrazilianJeans

PARENTSâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; IMPORTANT ROLE IN THE LIVES OF BABIES By Dr Marcela Pohlmann

The perfect mother does not give her baby everything, but she will be a mother who will care for her baby and respond to its needs in a sensitive way.

The development of early childhood (0 to 3 years of age) has been attracting the attention of researchers for the early prevention of mental diseases. It's at this stage that the foundations for confidence in life are established. A great part of the initial development will be set by the mother/baby relationship. It was Donald Winnicott, a British psychoanalyst who studied the interactions of babies with their parents, who coined the term 'sufficiently good mother' that is, the mother that provides the necessary care, rooted in the notions of timeliness and predictability. Human beings need predictability in order to give meaning and continuity to their existence. The perfect mother does not give her baby everything, but she will be a mother who will care for her baby and respond to its needs in a sensitive way. When a baby is born, a mother is also born (Winnicott), the woman then enters a stage of primary motherhood. At this stage an emotional alteration occurs in which the woman regresses to an emotional state closer to that of her baby so she can empathise

with its cares and needs. Often she also becomes more fragile and sensitive and she too needs to be cared for in order to perform this role. The role of the father in providing the necessary support is very important in this phase, so that the mother can be free to connect with the baby. The baby will initially remain 'glued' to the mother in a symbiotic manner, as if it were still a part of her body, and only later on after a few months will the baby manage to see itself separated from her body. According to Winnicott, a baby does not exist without a mother and, he would probably add, nowadays without a father. It's the parents that lend the sense of existence to the baby. The experience of holding the baby in their arms, of looking into its eyes, smiles and above all the ability to transform the anguish/crying into something comprehensible is crucial. The parentsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; faces are the baby's first mirror of his existence; when the baby looks at them he can see himself and realise that he exists. Their feelings will then start gaining significance and that is why communication is so important: to determine

what the baby is feeling, what is happening with him and around him. Even if initially the baby cannot identify his parents, he feels their presence and that they are interested in understanding him. The babbling language that parents use when speaking with babies has a very important rhythm that helps to reinforce these connections. It is important that, along the development process, parents welcome the baby's spontaneous gestures and do not impose their own rhythm. When this happens in a systematic way, developmental fragmentations can occur. If failure of resolution occurs at certain stages, new tasks keep on arising but the individual, who has not successfully accomplished the previous ones, lacks maturity. He will eventually resolve these but it may be in a defensive fashion through weaker bases and thus develops a pseudo-maturity, which is not real. For this reason, I consider that one of the parents' most important tasks is helping the baby to build its personality. The parents can accomplish that by welcoming the spontaneous gestures of behaviour that are inherent in babies. By seeing the real child and not an idealised one and by serving as the first mirror for the baby to see itself as being loved and cared for, the parents are building the initial foundations of confidence that will last for the rest of the individual's life.

ETIQUETTE WITHOUT THE FUSS By Hellen Grasso 1. Do I take flowers or chocolates? It's normal that visitors may want to please the parents and the baby, but do take a minute to think that perhaps your taste may not agree with theirs. Try to find out whether they are allergic to pollen or whether the mother eats chocolate, since often she adopts a strict diet on account of breast feeding or it may be that she wishes to avoid sugar.

'When a baby is born, a mother also is born'. (Osho) And a lot of other people are also born who are willing to give their opinions on how to raise the child. There is also prejudice in the case of a single mother along with the inconvenience of the door bell ringing unannounced precisely at the time that the baby is asleep. There are some rules that, if followed carefully, can help to avoid gaffes, discomfort and, sometimes, even save a friendship. One of the most magical and stressful moments in life comes soon after a baby is born. It is all new for the parents and for the baby, doubts abound, the hours and routines get all mixed up and your hours will not be the same as those of other parents.

2. Can I take a picture of the baby and post it? It does not matter if you are the mother-in-law or the new aunt: posting pictures on social media before the parents have officially announced the baby is one of the greatest intrusions of privacy. 3. How do I dress? Can I wear perfume? Avoid wearing high heels, so you do not make a noise as you walk since the baby can be sleeping. Wear comfortable clothes in case you need to help the parents with chores as they will probably be very tired. Avoid wearing any perfume, even if it is a light lavender cologne. 4. Can I kiss the baby? Definitely not. The highest concentration of bacteria and viruses are precisely in your mouth, and even an innocent little kiss can mean a disease for a new born baby that has not yet been vaccinated.

In order not to cause more stress, you can start with a phone call to ask how the mother and the baby are, whether they prefer to be visited at the maternity ward or later on at their home. This first step can be considered one of the most important so you do not arrive by surprise at a place where the level of stress and discomfort will probably be running high.

5. The baby never stops crying during the visit, what do I do? Maybe it is time to feed the baby, and this means that (if you are not close) it's time for you to leave. And lastly, be helpful all the time- show your affection to the family and that you are happy with the baby's arrival. But also take care, keep in mind that the parents must be really exhausted, and practise a bit of altruism.

THE BEST OF LIFE CAN FIT IN AN EMBRACE By Jay Neto I remember, when still a child, that my granny used to tell me to close my eyes and to connect with God. I used to notice then that there was a voice that always spoke to me. I concluded then that the voice was God's. As I grew, I noticed that that voice guided me. Soon I realised that the voice I used to hear was indeed my own voice. Just imagine the sensation of winning a lottery prize. Or of coming out of a coma that kept you breathing though respirators for years. This was the feeling of freedom that came from accepting that internal voice that told me who I really am. Breathing is not always synonymous with living. There are those who, although breathing, are simply surviving without expecting much from life and only following external rules. They breathe in all the impurities of the absurd rules dictated by an extreme and hypocritical society and all its established values. They live like puppets and are guided by the social environment. Such a life is geared exclusively to the fulfilment of what has been decided for you without questioning. Things are imposed on you from the outside, from your early days, from the time a name was chosen for you and that also implies your sexuality. Many times our parentsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; unrealised dreams will pile still more emotional weight onto us. I do not blame them and believe that this is the way that relations between parents and children often are: they project on us their expectations and it's up to us to process that in order not to disappoint them. We do that for love. Do you realise that?

A domination game is that in which the player never masters the game. What defines happiness? Living? Being professionally successful? Paying all your bills on time? A husband and a couple of kids? Car of the year in the garage and your own house? These are notions imposed on you that define a good and complete life. When have you ever questioned yourself about your wishes, desires and priorities? When have you allowed that internal voice to guide your choices? How often have you discarded your desires along the way without fulfilling them in order to comply with the way society is? GRATITUDE is what defines me. I take a deep breath, fill in my lungs and feel alive, free and the true master of myself. My parents, when they chose to love me, gave me freedom, and that to me is the only way of loving. By setting me free they then allowed the beginning of a constant search within me, without influences, rules or repressions. I never refrained from or feared exploring and nourishing my soul in order to express the best in me. We are constantly building ourselves and we need this push in order to carry on our daily battle. It is a sad life for those who live cloistered in their own fears. Freedom is what guides us towards a world where we can be true masters. Nowadays when I close my eyes I see where and who I am and know that ' the best in life can fit in an embrace'.

MENOPAUSE By Amanda Yitzhak

What to eat. Secrets of a good diet. Symptoms Hot flushes, night sweats, irritability, anxiety, sleeplessness, tiredness and lapses of attention and memory, weight gain and bone mass loss are some of the discomforts of this phase when women stop producing hormones. Diet Consumption of foods rich in vitamins, wholemeal carbohydrates, proteins, phytonutrients substances, fruits, vegetables and grains. Biological process Menopause is a natural biological process of the female organism. We need to see this as another of our bodyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s processes and without fear. Obviously we need to adopt some preventive care that will help us to cope in our daily life.

Water Prevents dry skin and also helps stop oestrogen loss which is very common in this phase. A minimum of 8 glasses of water a day will greatly help in hydrating the body and diminishing cases of swelling. Calcium Important in maintaining strong bones (milk and dark green vegetables). Vitamin E Helps in diminishing hot flushes (seeds and vegetable oils). Vitamin B6 Improves well being, helps in the formation of neurotransmitters (wholemeal cereals, eggs and grains). Vitamin C Important for the synthesis of the ovarian hormones (lemons, oranges and citrus in general). Folic Acid For the replacement of DNA and diminishing the risk of breast cancer (dark green vegetables).

Magnesium Improves the mood and relaxes the muscles (beetroots and oily seeds). Vitamin D3 Helps with calcium absorption and the immune system (vegetable oils). Selenium It's an antioxidant and strengthens brain functions (Brazil nuts). High biological value proteins These prevent weakening of muscle and mass loss (eggs, poultry and red meat). Zinc Helps with hormonal synthesis and estrogenic ovary functions (sea food). Omega 3 Helps with brain functions, nervous impulses, decreases bad cholesterol count and improves blood flow (fishes and linseed).

And finally, physical exercise is indispensable (walks, yoga or swimming) Do not create obstacles or make it hard on yourself. Try to see things in a pleasant way and you will see that all will become much easier. Menopause is not a disease; it is just another phase of our maturity. Source: nhs.gov, rcog.gov, The Wisdom of Menopause Nutritionist Counselling and Health Coaching. AdvDip BSc.

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also causes a deposition of adipose tissue in the abdomen, which leads to an increase in weight and to a metabolic syndrome which contributes to a lack of ovulation (anovulation). 2- Women who work with chemical products Hairdressers, cleaners and housewives are often in contact with various chemical substances, found in shampoos and hair colouring treatments and home cleaning products. This exposure can be harmful. Infertility and miscarriages are more frequent in hairdressers than in any other occupation. Furthermore a 2015 study by the University of Washington found that 15 common chemical products were associated with early menopause.

CAN WOMEN'S WORK INFLUENCE FERTILITY? By Dr Vania Martins Some kinds of work can contribute to the diminishing of fertility in women of childbearing age (15-44 years). Below are a few professions that can interfere negatively in women's fertility: 1- Women who work under constant stress: Continuous stress increases the production of the cortisol hormone that can interfere with the menstrual cycle and ovulation. Cortisol

3- Athletes, Physical Education Teachers, Personal Trainers, Models. The excess of exercise or physical effort can cause a state of excessive stress in the body. The most obvious sign of a problem is a change in the menstrual cycle. Menstruation will not necessarily disappear completely, but if you notice that your period has become lighter or shorter in duration, you should speak to a doctor. 4- Doctors, nurses, carers for the elderly, interior designers, jobs involving lifting heavy weights. Night work or work that is physically demanding can diminish the quality of ovulation and be associated with a reduction in female fertility. These women also tend to drink more coffee to keep alert and the excess of caffeine consumption can impair the quality of ovulation. It has been noted a reduction of about 15% in the number of mature eggs for fertilisation (IVF) occurs in women whose jobs demand lifting heavy weights, for example, caring for the elderly.

TIPS AND INFORMATION •

• • •

Women who are trying to get pregnant and who are under severe stress should take part in a program of stress management like CBT, Psycho Therapy or Life Coaching. Hairdressers, housewives and cleaners should wear masks and gloves when dealing with chemical products on a daily basis. Take daily walks of at least 40 minutes wearing comfortable shoes and clothes. Eat a balanced diet, rich in vegetables and fruits and low in fats and sugars. For instance: seafood,

• • •

dried fruits, egg yolks, rye and oats (rich in zinc), cauliflower, watercress, bananas and broccoli (rich in vitamin B6). Make juices with pear and melon. Also eat foods like beans, cooked spinach, lentils and peanuts. Avoid tobacco, alcohol and caffeine: Stop smoking, stop drinking alcoholic beverages, decrease the ingestion of coffee and other drugs. Enjoy a healthy sexual relationship with your partner. Check your menstrual cycle. The first step in checking your menstrual cycle is simply by taking notes on an ordinary calendar of the first and last day of your periods for at least 6 months, so you will have an idea of your fertile periods.

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COMPULSION: WHEN DESIRE KNOWS NO BOUNDARIES By KĂĄtia Kauffman Pessa

Desire. A search for presence. A question that requires an answer, an emptiness that demands fulfilment. There is always something outside myself, something that connects to a voice inside of me. Something that, in my understanding, will end that discomfort, a 'don't know what' that asks for an answer. Desire is of the order of the perfect, the ideal, the absolute and definitive resolution. The whole point is that what I lack on is also what moves me, and that is very good. It's full of life. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s the movement that makes me carry on and conquer. Desire, when it meets meaning and planning, is the fuel for motivating many conquests. The confusion starts when what moves me does not find any rest. It no longer concludes, it does not resolve. It's no longer at the service of life. My desire then is a mismatch. I start to get the steps of the dance wrong. Between the fault and the

completeness, I don't recognise repose, destiny. The desire that should position me to live ends up by making my body, soul and spirit sick. I get ill when I don't admit that I will never have it all, that I am incomplete, that I cannot manage to cover all spaces and answer many questions. When I ask the mirror, the answer is: there are many people that are more beautiful, richer, more successful and happier than me. When I insist, I repeat, and repeat the same movement like a child that tries to match Lego pieces of different shapes. When what I choose does not fit what I desire, and I insist systematically, I slowly get ill. And I combine food where I desire the look, drink where I desire the embrace and trust, sex where I desire complicity and love... Compulsion is born from repetitive behaviour. It is a

strong movement without displacement. It's like believing that from much walking the wrong path on the same road, persistence would help me to correct the route and lead me elsewhere, without having to change direction. It's that sensation that what we want does not satisfy us. And we discard. And we keep looking for other pieces that do not fit either. Be it for the exhaustion or for something that questions the movement, be it for the elusive, this absolute and definite NO that life from time to time gives to us. In any case, there is the possibility of stopping, and when stopping there is the possibility of making a new choice. The moment of choosing is when we can see other options with a conscience that has been expanded, renewed. It's the broadening of the routes. It's the maturing of our journeys. It's a new position taking on a new way of thinking.

MAKE-UP AND TEENAGE GIRLS. YES, YOU CAN! By Roseane Shekinah Hello girls, how are you? I will now talk about something so common but at the same time so difficult for mothers to accept for their princesses: make-up. Truth be said, they will always remain a baby to us while they already see themselves as adult women. Considering it, it is better that you help them to choose what suits them to wear at their age.

Mothers and young girls get equally confused in the world of make-up because nowadays there are a huge variety of products to choose from in the market. We can even have a product recommended by a super blogger. But I always say and I repeat: the great majority of bloggers are paid to promote certain products. It does not mean that those are really the best products. What are the best make-up products to make your girls super connected into the world of fashion? I would say that mineral and organic products are good since they can be cleaned off the skin easily and don't block the pores. That means that they do not cause the appearance of those very unwelcome spots, nor do they increase the appearance of blackheads.

For day to day use, you will only need:

When the time comes to invest in a make-up kit, this is what you need to include:

• BB cream • Blush ( for that skin healthy look) • Facial mask • Lip gloss or lipstick

BB cream (in your skin tone) corrective lotion mascara facial mask eye shadow in shades of brown, pink, lilac, coral and nude • tanning powder • lip gloss and lipstick in shades of pink, coral and nude • glitter (for parties) • • • • •

When you plan to attend that super party, you can be bold, but do not exaggerate. • • • • • •

That is all, ok?

BB Cream Corrective stick Mascara Eye shadows Lip balm or lip gloss Glitter if you want to cause a sensationbut remember to apply it only on the eyelids and not go above it

Never forget: • Before applying any make-up, clean, tone and hydrate the skin with a product that agrees with your skin type so you remove any impurities. • Never wear red lipstick at your age • Always remove make-up with products that agree with your skin type. These are my tips for now. I hope you have enjoyed them See you in the next issue.

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TEENAGERS AND FASHION By Thaize de Oliveira

Hello. Nowadays, children and teenagers seem to be speeding through many important phases of their lives: we see children trying to be teenagers and teenagers trying to be grown-ups.

than that. The frantic rhythm of modern life dictates that often both parents have to work more and more in order to have the financial means to support and indulge their children.

The other day I was in a shop and noticed highheeled shoes and sandals on sale for young girls. Make-up and nail varnish is also marketed to children. Although such cosmetics may not have any toxic side effects, they are rushing the children into an adult lifestyle.

The adoption of branded fashion has been happening increasingly at a younger age, since children at this age seem to be more insecure and have lower self esteem. You can then understand why sometimes the parents do not seem to know what their children's taste in clothing is and thus prefer simply to let the children themselves shop according to their own tastes.

Nowadays we commonly see very young girls dressed as and behaving as if they were grown -ups. There is a lot of make-up, high-heeled shoes, short skirts and excessively revealing clothes being worn at a very young age. In fact the relentless search for beauty at this age is 'fashionable' for them. If only they knew that at this age the natural look is what is most beautiful, because at this point in their lives they still have no expression lines or dark circles under their eyes to mask.

There is also that phase when teenagers compete among themselves, they wear similar kinds of clothing but those wearing the latest and normally the most expensive items of fashion get prime attention. In this warped reality, we see as a result teenagers who are avid consumers of fashion and who are becoming adults way too early. Follow and enjoy each of your children's growing phases and, crucially, help them discover who they ought to be in each of these phases. We all feel proud when they act responsibly from an early age but still itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s important to preserve each moment in its own time.

The reality is that teenage girls are too concerned with the way they look and the image they project. When we compare todayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s families with those of a few years ago, we notice that couples nowadays opt to have fewer children; 1, 2 and only rarely more

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