Self-comforting gestures of submissive persons When we’re t alking t o someone in a posit ion of aut horit y we t end t o assume t hat our own act ions, rat her t han t hose of t he ot her person, are being judged, and t his makes us f eel self -conscious and insecure. T here are several ways t hat we cope wit h t hese f eelings. One is by engaging in auto-contact actions where we t ouch, hold or st roke ourselves. T hese self -comf orting gestures serve t o reassure us just as t hey do when someone else t ouches, holds or st rokes us. In t his sense aut ocont act act ions are really substitution tells – t hey’re comf ort ing and reassuring t hings t hat we do t o ourselves when t here isn’t anybody else around t o do t hem t o us. T he pot ency of aut o-cont act act ions lies in t he f act t hat physical t ouch is t he best way t o comf ort someone. It ’s t he most primit ive and it ’s also t he most ef f ect ive. T he import ance of t ouch is ref lect ed in t he composit ion of our skin, which has millions of recept or cells t hat are sensit ive t o t he slight est change in pressure, and in t he st ruct ure of our brain, where it ’s been discovered t hat t he area in t he pref ront al cort ex t hat ’s devot ed t o t ouch is much larger t han t he areas devot ed t o any of t he ot her senses. Touch f orms t he basis of t he init ial cont act bet ween mot her and child; it ’s t he t ouch t hat comf ort s t he baby and makes it f eel secure. T hat ’s why t ouch is so reassuring t hroughout our lives it recreat es t hose f eelings of love and securit y t hat we once experienced as a baby. T he sad part of t his is t hat if you wat ch people who f eel deject ed, lonely or vulnerable people lining up f or benef it s, people wait ing in accident and emergency, people appearing in court t hey f requent ly t ouch t hemselves in a way t hat is reminiscent of how t heir mot her comf ort ed t hem. T he same applies to people who are being submissive.
When people are feeling submissive they frequently stroke their hair, especially the hair at the back of their head. T hese act ions can be t raced back t o t he t ime when t heir mot hers caressed t heir hair t o comf ort t hem, and when t hey support ed t hem by cradling t he back of t heir head. When people feel submissive they also touch their face, frequently placing their fingers on their lips. T hese self -comf ort ing gest ures also owe t heir origins t o t he way t hat mot hers caress t heir baby’s f ace, play wit h it s mout h and kiss it on t he lips. Mot hers also hug t heir children when t hey’re dist ressed. Consequent ly, when adult s are f eeling insecure or submissive t hey of t en t ry t o recover t hese reassuring f eelings by perf orming act ions t hat enable t hem t o hug t hemselves.
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