FOSTERING STABILITY

SHERRIE PADILLA COOKS WITH HER ADOPTED DAUGHTER. FOSTER PARENT STEPHEN DILLARD WITH HIS FOSTER SON

How Amarillo’s foster community changes the lives of kids in need

By Jonathan Baker

PHOTOS BY ANGELINA MARIE

We might hear talk of foster kids, but how often do we really give them any thought? In the state of Texas, there are nearly 30,000 children in “substitute care” (a term that encompasses out-of-home placements like foster care and group homes). Nationwide, the number approaches half a million, and today in the United States, there are nearly 125,000 children waiting to be adopted into foster homes.

During a time when the country is in turmoil, it’s helpful to think in terms of gratitude, and one of the best ways to do that is to be thankful for our own families – and maybe even provide a family for a child who doesn’t have one.

BRANDON BELLAR AND HUSBAND STEPHEN ENJOY A SNOWY DAY OUTSIDE WITH THEIR FOSTER SON.

Good Things Come to Those Who Wait

Often the rewards of foster parenting can take years to develop. However, many foster parents feel rewarded when they see children grow into more confident children and adults. This confidence often appears in children who once had significant behavioral issues, but become more compliant at home and school. Thus, despite the myriad challenges, Scott and Tereasa Mansfield believe the rewards to be found in foster parenting are worth it. Scott is the Director of Foster Care Homes for Saint Francis Ministries in Texas, and he and his wife have been taking children into their home for about 20 years.

“The greatest reward, I believe,” says Scott “is being able to bring stability to the lives of children. We always saw our family as a bridge for the children and their family; allowing time for their family to find resources so they have the opportunity to have their children returned to them. There is great personal growth if you allow your experiences to mold and change who you are.” Beyond that, there’s the simple fact that, as Scott points out, children are simply a great deal of fun. “As we hope we brought joy to their lives, they always brought joy and fun to our family. One reward that’s maybe not talked about, but is huge, is the new relationships and community that you [build] by fostering. You’ll quickly connect with other foster parents and community partners to help in the healing and transformation of the child.”

Scott Mansfield says there are three challenges that stand out the most for him and his wife. “The biggie is compassion fatigue. As foster parents, you spend your day and evening giving and receiving, and sometimes what’s received is the child’s trauma. As a foster parent, you long to help and give hope, and sometimes you can be left empty. So compassion fatigue and vicarious trauma. Another challenge is being open and willing to change and understand how to discipline. Many of us are raised a certain way, and it can be difficult to change. Each child is different and thus needs different responses to struggles.” The third challenge, Scott says, is potential isolation as a foster parent. “When community is not found or not taken advantage of, you can feel like you’re on an island all by yourself. As foster parents, a lot is being asked of you from not just the child or their parents, but your agency, CPS, therapist, CASA, schools, doctors … The list goes on.”

How You Can Help

In the Panhandle today, there’s an urgent need for more foster families. According to Jennifer Peterson, Regional Director of Foster Care and Adoption for Buckner West Texas, there’s an especial need for homes that are willing to foster and adopt children that are part of a large sibling group, as well special needs children and kids with a “higher-level acuity of needs.” In Texas alone, there are nearly 7,000 children waiting to be adopted. When considering foster care, Peterson encourages potential parents to “look at what your why is, and [look at] your support system. Most agencies will walk you through the process with little interruption, but you have to know your why. Is it to see a family reunified and healthy? Are you wanting to help children reach their God-given potential? Are you looking to add members to your family in a forever home?” Peterson insists that keeping this why in mind will allow you to be successful and stay focused. “You’ll make it through the trials and tribulations that happen initially, and then it becomes your way of life, part of your life’s mission.”

“It takes more than love and a big home,” adds Scott Mansfield. “Do I have sufficient income to care for the child? Yes, there is a subsidy, but it’s not always enough to meet the needs of the child or family. Do I have mental health support for myself? My spouse? My children? Do I have support from other foster and adoptive families? Can I get involved with local groups? Do I have support from those who are not foster or adoptive homes? Do I have childcare and respite so I can get a break when needed? Do I have healthy communication skills and knowledge of healthy conflict resolution? All of these big questions can overwhelm, but your agency will lead and develop you as a person and family to be successful.”

The process begins with researching the various agencies in the region. Decide what you’re looking for beforehand, and make sure you feel supported by the agency throughout the licensing process. Find a foster parent support group if your agency doesn’t offer one. Join online groups. Or talk to people you already know – you likely know someone already involved in foster care, and you may not even realize it. “Again,” stresses Peterson, “this job is hard, and no one can do it alone.”

Meanwhile, those families who don’t want to foster can still help. “The more support we have for these families,” says Peterson, the longer [those parents] can do this difficult but rewarding job.” That means babysitting, or providing resources and respite care.

Anyone in Amarillo interested in becoming a foster parent can contact Texas Child Protective Services (CPS). The organization will provide prospective parents with a list of all child placing agencies in the region. There are many agencies in the area, and the list will help parents to locate one that will best fill their needs. Having support from a good agency can make a world of difference throughout the fostering experience.

Fostering Spotlight: Sherrie and Pete Padilla

Pete and Sherrie Padilla live in Amarillo and have been married 27 years. Pete is a supervisor for Blue Cross Blue Shield, and Sherrie is the Market Manager for Bank of America. Pete is also President of the Westcliff Beautification Committee, and a Meals on Wheels volunteer. Sherrie serves as an Executive Board Member for the United Way of Amarillo and Canyon.

How did you become involved in fostering?

We actually became interested a few years ago when we saw an article in the Amarillo Globe-News (July 2017) about youth aging out of the system and going through the PALS program. I don’t remember if it was that article or research I did on my own, but I learned about the statistics for children aging out of the system and it was grim. We convinced ourselves at the time that we were too old to foster. I (Sherrie) began to look for other ways I could provide support to these kids. Soon after, I trained to become a Court Appointed Special Advocate (CASA) with Amarillo Area CASA. The training was wonderful and I learned much more than I anticipated. I learned about skilled parenting and working with children who have lost so much. I learned about the barriers these children come up against, and how to advocate for them. I was visiting a group home and that’s where I met our daughter. She was a 16-year-old girl full of energy and attitude. I felt a connection immediately and knew that, in some way, I wanted to be part of her life. I immediately started to do research about how to foster to adopt and contacted people who could help.

Tell us a little about your family.

We’re an older couple (mid 50s) who raised two sons and have been empty nesters for a short time. Our oldest son lives in Georgia with our precious daughter-in-law and granddaughter. Our youngest son, thankfully, lives nearby. I wondered how my family would react to the news that I was considering fostering to adopt a 16-year-old girl I had just met. My husband, Pete, got on board, too. He could feel the passion and love I felt for this girl, and we decided together that we wanted to be in her life. She lives with us now, along with a puppy and a few moody cats.

What have been some of the greatest challenges of fostering to adopt?

The No. 1 challenge in the beginning is overcoming fear. So many times, fear stops us from doing things we really should do, and are called to do. I’m a praying Momma and knew the Lord was calling us to do this. It’s challenging to see the effects of neglect, abuse and trauma on children and to piece together what they’ve been through so you can really understand them and it can be heartbreaking. There’s a saying I love: Healing a heart you did not break is parting of loving a child you did not make.

Also, I think it’s important to note and to advocate for adoption-friendly workplaces. I’m very fortunate to work for a company that offers maternity leave for adoptions. Over 25 years ago, Dave Thomas of the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption led an initiative advocating for better adoption benefits in the workplace. Bank of America is No. 7 on the foundation’s 100 Best Adoption-Friendly Workplaces list for 2020.

What have been some of the greatest rewards?

When the child starts to open up and be themselves is the greatest reward. I want our daughter to be the person she would have been if her life hadn’t been affected by unfortunate events. To see her have typical experiences that other kids sometimes take for granted is very rewarding. To feel love for that child and know that they feel your love and it sits deep inside their soul and shines through their eyes. Man, that’s the best!

What would you say to someone who is thinking about fostering children? Any advice?

Educate yourself, push yourself, research parenting techniques, learn state laws, learn about the effects of trauma. There are many wonderful parenting resources available in addition to the required training. We used Saint Francis Ministries to become certified and they were so very helpful and supportive every step of the way. Getting through certification will require some determination, just like completing any other certification. There are many resources and people available to help you, so take advantage of all you can.

Fostering Spotlight: Brandon Bellar and Stephen Dillard

Brandon Bellar was born and raised in Amarillo and attended West Texas A&M University, where he earned a Bachelor of Arts in Theater Performance. He currently works as the office manager for a family business, while teaching private voice lessons in the afternoons. In addition, Brandon is the Music Director for the Amarillo Little Theatre Academy musical productions and also teaches two choir classes for the Academy. Brandon lives in Amarillo with his husband, Stephen Dillard, who is the Director of Hospitality at Chick-Fil-A on Georgia Street.

How did you become involved in fostering?

We’ve always known that we wanted to have kids, so when we were researching our options we found that foster care was going to be the best fit for us. There are so many kids out there who need love, support, and a sense of safety and security. We knew this avenue would provide for our need and desire to have children, as well as serve to take in these kids who desperately need a place where they can learn to thrive.

Tell us a little about your family.

Stephen and I met through social media, [and he] eventually moved to Amarillo, which was the telltale sign for me. About a year later, we got married in a very small, intimate ceremony at our best couple-friends’ home. To say our lives have moved at a quick pace has never been more of an understatement. We were planning on possibly receiving our first placement in the late spring/early summer of 2021. And, like He often does, we found out that God had other plans. We had a placement of a 5-year-old boy for respite care in early December. If you’re familiar with the terminology, respite is defined to be short term. Again, God smiles at our plans and quietly instates His own. So, we get this great kid, who has come out of some very sad circumstances, for a week, and then he’s permanently placed in our home by Dec. 31. He’s polite, he is obedient and fun. He takes his plate to the sink without being asked. He asked me during the first weekend if I could roll down my window at a stoplight so he could give a homeless man his kid’s meal. We were stunned, to be honest. How does this little boy come from the background we knew about and still just have this amazing heart? In our belief, it’s a picture of the resilience of children and God’s grace.

What have been some of the greatest challenges of fostering?

The first that comes to mind is time. We’re two professional people who juggled many things in our daily schedules when it was just “us.” The biggest adjustment is still making sure we give ample time to our son with school, daily life, play time, homework, and just being present, while balancing the time with the things that logistically hold our family together (jobs, housework, and even our relationship). Thankfully, we have an amazingly supportive organization through Upbring [the couple’s foster-care and adoption agency] and our Family Service Workers there. Our son’s CPS caseworkers and CASA volunteers also keep us connected to what’s going on.

What have been some of the greatest rewards?

The moments when you just watch him open up a little more. He sits a little bit closer on the couch. He runs to us or lights up when we arrive to get him from school or his after-school care. He can’t wait for that night’s Bible story or book to be read aloud. He asks to be tucked in or for things that you know he can do himself. I see it as an invitation to be a part of his life. He’s very curious, and when I say he constantly asks questions … that is not hyperbole.

What would you say to someone who is thinking about fostering children? Any advice?

There’s never going to be the “right time.” Take that excuse off the dinner table and scrap it. I like timetables and I like order and knowing the day to day, but this doesn’t work that way. In fact, life doesn’t really work that way – no matter how much we try to make it feel as if we have some sense of control. If you’re considering it, just take the leap. Do the trainings. Get licensed.