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CONTENTS 00 Prayer 18 Marriage Links 19 Divorce is not the End: Learn from it and Move On 22 Financial Tips 24 Let it go 28 Lost and Found 24 Pillow Talk 28 Something Old Something New 32 Valentine’s Fashion 45 Valentine’s Day on a Budget 45 Who says Valentine’s Can’t Be Fun For Singles 46 JAN-FEB Recipe Issue 59 The Little Things 00 When Sorry Isn’t Enough (Book Photo)
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2Half2Whole Magazine Credits Feature Article: Something Old & Something New Finding Love the Second Time Around Photographer: Alonzo Brown/Alonzo Brown Photography Makeup Artist: Jada B./Pretty Glam Thinggs Hair: Chelsia Powell/Hair University Stylist: Sacha Creamer/Muse Boutique Lost & Found Artcle Photography: Lennox Reid/LennoxAve Makeup: Kimberly Vereen/ Face Fetish Magazine Layout KBiz Design CONTRIBUTING WRITERS CHRISTELLA ALMONCY DARRYL E. TUCKER DARTANYON MOORE JONNY HOLLIS NICOLE ALEXANDER SACHA CREAMER
Letter from Publisher Thank you so much for taking the time to read 2HaLf2Whole Magazine. We pray that you will be blessed, inspired and provoked to better your marriage, family life and most importantly your relationship with God. Our goal is to provide you with tools, current events and testimonials from others that will help lead you and guide you through life’s journey. Marriage isn’t easy and it takes hard work, forgiveness and God to sustain it. With that in mind, we created this platform. A platform of honesty, truth and Gods word, in hopes to affecting lives and marriages all across the nation. Join the movement to becoming WHOLE....in God, your marriage and yourself.
SHELLEY VINSON BULLOCK SONYA MINUS WESTMORLAND
Blessings
GUEST WRITER TAMMI HADDON
Stephanee Pinkney
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P I H S N O TI A L RE 4
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PRAYER As we embark on this new year, god we ask that you help us to leave our old habits, attitudes, hurt, and pain in the past. We desire a fresh start. Overflow in our lives. Let newness overflow in our marriage, our family, our finances, our community, our hearts and our mind. Without you we know we are nothing. So today we exchange the old for something new. Amen
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Marriage Links D.A.T.E. DAILY AFFRIMATIONS TO EACHOTHER
Proverbs 12:18 Rash language cuts and maims, but there is healing in the words of the wise. Marriage is all about prioritizing. Just like we set aside time to do everything else on our to do list our spouse should be one of those priorities. When you date your spouse you set aside time intentionally to just focus on them and to reconnect. D.A.T.E. means to daily affirmations to each other. Dating your spouse emotionally is just as important as taking them out on a date. It is imperative for you to feed the mind, heart, and build your spouse. Your spouse needs to know that you are paying attention. Every day I challenge you to D.A.T.E. your spouse. Whether it be in writing or audibly. Affirming your spouse will build them, strengthen them and create an atmosphere of confidence. That confidence will spill over into your relationship and create a stronger bond between you and your spouse. Capitalize on the positive and watch the atmosphere in your spouse and home change
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Divorce is not the End: Learn from it and Move On By Sonya Westmoreland
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’s been written, “Those that cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.”1 These words ring true depending on how willing individuals are to critically and honestly examine the roles and decisions of their past. Let’s be clear, I do not advocate lamenting over the past and reliving the mistakes, but critical assessment is necessary so that some mistakes will not be repeated.
Divorce, unfortunately, is a part of my history. After growing up in a strict Christian upbringing where divorce is strictly frowned upon, here I stand, divorced after almost 20 years of marriage. Initially, there’s blame and anger, depression and mourning. There are so many questions. Why me? What could I have done differently? Who’s more at fault? Did I really try my best? Why didn’t he fight for us? Why wouldn’t he do better? Why didn’t I really see him before I married him? All perfectly reasonable questions in my book…right? Maybe!
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My prayer with this writing is that my honesty and transparency will help readers reevaluate some things and make better decisions before divorce becomes an option. Here is a small list of some very important lessons I learned about myself to assess my role in the failed relationship:
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a. Communication is only profitable when both individuals understand. b. Neither person should assume that what was said was clearly understood. Some only hear based on their perception and not based on the original intent of the individual who said it.
Pray and know God’s will as it pertains to marriage for you.* Though there is the tendency to find blame, a relationship consists of two people that had a hand in the demise of the marriage. Sure there are exceptions for abuse or adultery, but with God’s help even these obstacles can be overcome. I wasn’t nearly as prepared for marriage as I thought. My reasons for getting married were based on bad experiences from the past and not on God’s divine plan for me. Never try to duplicate what looks right in another person’s marriage. What works for another couple may not work for you. The principles for a perfect marriage are outlined in scripture. The key to knowing the difference comes from communicating to (gain?) an understanding.
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No human being can change another human being; that’s God’s job. Love is not based on how much you can get out of a relationship but on how much you are willing to give. When both individuals are giving, the other is never without.
* Santanya, George—Life of Reason, Reason in Common Sense, Scribner’s, 1905, p. 284
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Financial Tips
from Pastor Lee Jenkins 1. Put God first in your finances together 2. Honor God with your giving together 3. Develop a spending plan together 4. Don’t live above your means 5. Don’t become a slave to debt/Get out of debt together 6. Never neglect your credit score 7. Develop multiple streams of income 8. Get the right amount and kind of insurance (life 9. Make estate planning a priority/Get a will 10. Your will and your wishes should be put in writing
Advice for Entrepenurs 1. Make sure you are in agreement. You can never really build a business with the stress of you and your spouse not being on one accord concerning your business ventures 2. Expect ups and downs in your income 3. Set a realistic & modest family budget 4. Be ready to put in long hours Matthew 6:33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added(including money) unto you.
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Let it go By Tammi Haddon If I want to be better, first I need to choose to do better. But simply choosing isn’t enough. I have to move towards better. Far too long I’ve blamed my unfulfilled dreams and goals on others; when really it was my fear of failure that kept me in a still place. I could never be a failure if I didn’t try and not succeed. Somehow that seemed safe to me. As time has passed and the years have moved on, I have started to see the face of my mother staring back at me from every mirror or social media selfie. As I started to realize I don’t really have forever and I may have already lived more than half of my life, I started to become angry and resentful of the people around me because if I don’t blame someone else then I have to face the fact that where I am is totally my fault alone. So again here I stand on the edge of a new year. Only this time choosing to let go of fear. Standing here tired of nursing my bruised wings from trying to soar while locked inside the cage my own mind has created for me. I stand here deciding to be a better daughter, sister, friend, mother and wife. Realizing I’m no good to the people in my life, if I am no good to myself. I’m standing here on the edge of a new year my head is spinning. So much has happened in the last twelve months. In many ways I don’t even feel like I’m the same person I was just a short year ago. As I reflect one question keeps playing over and over in my mind. Tammi... how can you be better? I’ve been rehearsing those five words. I hear them audibly as if someone is whispering a challenge into my ear. As I sat down to write this, the answer rushed over me. Better starts right here right now with me! As a wife, I set the temperature in my home. My depression, negativity, anger, fear, resentment and unforgiveness seeps into my family through me. I create and nurture the environment for these things to grow and live in our lives. Enough is enough!
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I’m here choosing to be a forgiver. I will forgive those that have asked me and even those who refuse to acknowledge that they have wounded me. I choose to love my husband better and to mother my children better. Because when all is said and done, the only way I will ever fly is if I drop the weights that like rod iron stake; I have driven my very hope of a happy, health, bright future into the ground. 2014 is done and I cannot undo the mistakes. I cannot take back misspoken words or painful actions. What I will do is move, grow and fly. I will be happy, whole, accomplished and great. Simply because I’m worth it and I deserve the chance to soar.
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Lost and
Found
There is a sense of emptiness that comes with losing something dear to your heart. You find yourself unsure of the existence around you, and you do not know how to trust what is still in your life, especially God. You begin to contemplate living, and ask yourself those deep questions that never plagued you before this time of loss. As you search deeper within yourself, and more towards the God that has kept you through everything, you begin to find the steps towards what you have lost, and you realize that what you needed was to look for it at a different angle. Surrendering that loss to God and finding yourself through Him first, gave you the strength and ability to reclaim everything that you thought was gone forever. So goes the story of Anthony and Chelsia Powell.
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nthony and Chelsia have known each other since their high school years, when they were seventeen. It was with this long period of familiarity that they began their journey of losing their marriage. When asked, “How do we lose marriage?” Anthony expressed the robotics to their marriage that took away from the excitement of their love. “You get caught in a pattern; you start to foreshadow, and anticipate. I already know what she is going to say, or how I am going to react to what she does. It becomes robotic, and we do not seek to find the inspiration to try to even make it…you have everything else taking the place of the grandeur of marriage itself.” As a wife, Chelsia explained it as a failure to communicate with each other stating, “If you don’t communicate, then you will be lost; you will not know how the other is feeling.” Each of them lost something within themselves that led to their temporary divorce. “I mostly lost my faith in God,” Chelsia admitted. “I put too much faith in Anthony, and had to get back to God and not make Anthony my problem. I had put him as my little god.” Anthony, on the other hand, “did not want to own up to [his] own mess”: “I chose to keep the blame on [Chelsia]. I did not want to look at me; I did not want to see the truth of my shortcomings.” There was a personal connection to the words lost and found for Chelsia and Anthony. When we revealed the title of their story to them, they both laughed and nodded with the knowledge of someone who had gone through a great loss and a miraculous finding. Anthony commented that the meaning of lost and found “Holds more weight when it relates to yourself.” Chelsia mentioned that it is a “symbol of us as a couple; lost meaning losing it, and found meaning having to seek it.” Nevertheless, it was during that separation that they both found what it was, as an individual, which they needed in themselves in order to make their marriage work. “I had to increase my relationship with God so that I would stop depending on man,” exclaimed Chelsia, “I knew that God had been pulling at me for a while; I was always told that I am the strength of this family, but I never could understand why. I knew that I had to have a relationship with God; for my girls I had to be strong, and there was no other way to do that but to strengthen my relationship with God.” Anthony had experienced his own journey during the separation that had taken him twenty-two hours away in order to work in another state. “The separation made me recognize where I don’t belong,” he commented. “I was in a dark place, so I prayed to God to bring me to my place of purpose. God said to me, ‘I will put you where you need to be, but I need to separate and sanctify you’, and Chelsia had
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immediately said, ‘okay, go and do what you need to do; I am praying for you’. I found out my problem that made me susceptible to the enemy, and I realized that I needed God to be number 1.” A divorce does not just happen between a husband and wife, it is something that affects the entire family and can have lasting effects on every member. In reference to their three daughters, both Chelsia and Anthony had a parental concern for them that formed the way in which they handled the separation. “I wanted my girls to see the strength of my experience,” Chelsia disclosed. “I didn’t see any hurt or anger from them.” Anthony, on the other hand was not living in the house with his daughters, so he saw a different side to the effect of the separation in his girls. He expressed how his oldest had revealed to him that she was “trying to find a way not to hate [him]”; the middle girl was more apt to stay with the status quo, saying that “I don’t understand, but it’s okay, we’ll deal with it”; while the youngest did her best to “keep the peace and ruffle no feathers.” It is a miraculous story that the Powell couple has, losing and then finding their marriage; nevertheless,
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A divorce does not just happen between a husband and wife, it is something that affects the entire family and can have lasting effects on every member. In reference to their three daughters, both Chelsia and Anthony had a parental concern for them that formed the way in which they handled the separation.
reassembling did come with its issues. When asked about their biggest challenge when it came to rebuilding their marriage, both Anthony and Chelsia were immediately able to pinpoint their own greatest challenge. “Trust,” Anthony had automatically answered without a trace of doubt in his voice. “Because I had lied for so long, she didn’t know how to trust me. She did not know how to trust the person that she had loved for so long because I had lied for so long. I had never thought of it before because I never knew how far I had moved away from Christ.” Chelsia had agreed with the issues of trust; however, she had faced her own battle of learning not to “focus on Anthony, man, and people. I am not afraid anymore, because I trust God, and I trust the God that is in Anthony.” Even after remarrying, however, both Anthony and Chelsia had to look into themselves for the toughest part of coming back together: forgiveness. “There was no issue in forgiving Chelsia; I could trust the God in her,” Anthony said, “I had to check myself and take my concerns to God. In order to forgive myself, I had to take on the responsibility in causing the demise of my marriage. It was scary to believe how strong the enemy’s hold on me was.” Chelsia had faced more of insecurity because she had “put all of [her] faith and trust in Anthony.” She had to “pray against the bad” but had forgiven herself because she “looked to God.” I found it amazing how after experiencing everything that they had gone through, the Powell couple still managed to keep a positive image of love and what it meant to them. I had asked if their definition of love had altered at all, and they both had the same thing to say about it. “The second time was better,” Chelsia admitted. “I see Anthony because see the God in him. I had never had that feeling until the second time around. We brought God into our marriage.” Anthony said that he had learned to fall in love with God absolutely: “I was already in love with Chelsia, so I worshipped her instead of God. The second time around improved
how I loved her.” So it was with that thought in mind that, when asked what advice they would give to a couple going through a divorce, both Anthony and Chelsia strongly answered, “Don’t!” “Divorce is absolute confusion and darkness,” Anthony had shaken his head. “Marriage is a symbolism of Jesus and the church; divorce rips two souls apart that have been connected by God. It is chaotic, being ripped apart spiritually.” From the wife’s standpoint, Chelsia advises that wives “keep the faith, trust in God, stay strong, don’t sin, and don’t do it on your own.” In the point of view of the husband, Anthony suggests that men “look inward, don’t be weak; look for where you have disconnected from the source.” As a closing remark, we asked the Powell couple about healthy parameters to rebuilding a marriage after a loss of trust. “You don’t need a laundry list of do’s and don’ts,” Anthony had said. “If parameters are needed, then the problem is not solved. God is the center of everything; He gives us the ability to know what is right and what is wrong.” “That would be it,” Chelsia added. “Trust in God; that is the only parameter.” Every journey that we undertake has a divine purpose from God that He has us go through in order to arrive at the place that He wants us to reach. He does not place challenges in our lives so that we might suffer, but so that we might find our way closer to Him. Every issue before us—every time we lose something, whether it is our faith, our joy, or our marriage—acts as a way for God to wake us up and show us that we must go out and seek Him in order to find whatever it is that He has for us. To lose and then to find is a chance for God to purge us of what we do not need, and fill us with more than what we thought we needed. In the case of Anthony and Chelsia Powell, they had lost their marriage, but had found God both in themselves, and in each other.
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Genesis 2:24
Pillow Talk
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hat is why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife. In this way two people become one.
Marriage is certainly a place where two people “become one” and sometimes it seems easier said than done. We often times forget about the marriage while planning our weddings because we are so concerned with everything working out perfectly for one of the biggest days of our lives. We plan for the perfect venue, the perfect cake, the perfect dress, the perfect flowers, the perfect time of year, and the perfect menu for the reception but do we really take time to talk
about what marriage is really supposed to look like? Do we really know what it means for two individuals to “become one”? Taking time to talk about what marriage is going to look like for you is very important! Being two different people means that you have two different views in life and two different ways of going about doing things. While nothing is wrong with two different points of view, you have to work hard to make sure that there is unity in everything that you do in marriage. It is important to always remember that you are a team and both of you have to put forth effort everyday to make sure you are doing
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what is best for the team. “Becoming one” means that you have to deny your will in some aspects and learn to compromise. Does this compromise just happen one or two times during your marriage? No, it happens daily! In marriage you have to make constant efforts to perform as one unit and make the decisions that will be best for both of you! You must let go of selfishness and become selfless. You must truly love your spouse for who they are and respect their point of view. You must remember that it’s not a competition, but you love each other and you’re playing for the same team! Every marriage experiences growing pains and growing pains can be discouraging, but you also have to remember that you’re not going to know everything about someone overnight. Learning someone is a process, it takes time. Don’t be discouraged because you haven’t mastered the art of being married yet. There is no manual for this! There are, however, a lot of helpful books on marriage to help you along the way, and the bible is one of them. Finding out what God says about marriage is key! Marriage is very important to God because it is the foundation of the family structure that was ordained by Him. God is the only one that can help you truly love someone! If we don’t spend time with Him on a regular basis, married life can be somewhat
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of a struggle. Talking to God regularly is never a bad idea when you are in a covenant relationship with someone. You have to be careful of how you handle your spouse. Handling your spouse and their emotions can be tricky and it must be done correctly, but to do it the right way you need guidance and that guidance can only come from the coach which is God. Trust me, His way of doing things is definitely better than ours! Teamwork makes the Dream work is what I often say to my husband and it’s true. The dreams and aspirations we have together won’t come full circle unless we work together to achieve them. We have to “become one” everyday in every decision that we make so that means we have to remove things out of our lives that don’t promote unity and teamwork. Most of the things we need to remove are inside of us whether it be a selfish attitude, always wanting to be right, playing the blame game or putting a guilt trip on your spouse - you gotta get rid of those things in order to function as a cohesive unit. Everyday is not going to be easy and everything is not going to be perfect and that’s okay! Marriage is beautiful, but we can only experience the beauty of it when we let go of our pride and our need for everything to be perfect! We have to be humble and pliable and we have to do the work! Go Team!
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Something Old Something New Love…Marriage….Ministry How did you meet and your first impressions of each other? We met 15 yrs ago at Pastor Paula white without walls in Tampa she was my youth pastor. We both served for about 4 years Damita: First impression of Reuben…Very hard worker and focused he was a family man
and I respected that. He was fine now….I aint gonna lie about that...he’s always been fine….I gotta stay away from that…. danger will robin danger…lol He was off limits and so was I Reuben: It was always pastor Damita or pastor d you know because she was always beautiful but I didn’t look at her like that because she was my
pastor so umm and not youth pastor as in she’s mad older than me let’s get that straight. She was over the youth over at without walls and I was the photographer but no she was amazing… very integral women of God so you know…even though she didn’t ever let me do her photo shoot…I wanted to do her photo shoot all the over 15 years ago and now I get to take all the photos I want (laughter) Has your perception of marriage changed since your previous marriage? Reuben: Yes. Damita: Yes So what has changed? Reuben: I have changed. Before in my first marriage I got married for the wrong reasons. I got married because of love and just love. I didn’t know how to communicate, relate in pressure situations, I didn’t know how to listen even though I thought I was. So now that I have acquired all that it takes to be….and I didn’t know what covenant was. But making those mistakes and learning and maturing and waiting I’ve gotten those attributes. Damita: My perception of marriage has broadened since my previous marriage. I’m more focused and I know what it really means to be a wife. To be patient, I’ve learned to listen. You know before I was younger I would snap off in a minute with my mouth “what” please… but now I’m much more wiser much more committed, submissive and humble..Much more
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supportive and understanding and caring What inspired you to desire to love again after your first marriage? Reuben: I think I chose to love instead of falling in love. Acquiring the knowledge of knowing what love is and choosing to love without reason. It’s a growing process. I look at other relationships I’ve had things before me and said I want that… how did you all do that…what’s going on. What inspired me was I know imp a good person and I’m a good man and wanted to share everything I had with someone who was ready to receive it
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Damita: I believe that real love found me. I wasn’t looking for it...I was so hurt and broken and so umm I didn’t trust anyone...I didn’t trust men…I wasn’t looking for it but love found me. And real love broke those walls and started teaching me how to love again. I think I really aspired to love again once real love taught me what real love was. Cause I had to go through and I’m still going through processes of healing...I’m not bitter or angry but there are still levels that my husband deals with me and reveals things by continuing to love me through the process of so much brokenness that I had gone through in a short period of time. And so now hi
love is aspiring me to love with all of my might. Like pour….like jump out of a plane and just love him. I’m learning how to love unconditionally loving with no boundaries and like he said loving for no reason at all because the moment you start finding reasons to love you can find a reason not to. So I think that’s what caused me to aspire to love again. When real love found me when I didn’t want to be found What lessons did you learn from your first marriage? Reuben: Good lesson I learned from my first was to don’t rush period. Take your time and dissect,
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listen, and then listen again. And to really think before you speak. I also learned to forgive...but I didn’t learn this until after I got divorced THOUGH. And forgive for real. You know we have this fake forgiveness where we sit back in the bed counting on our fingers what’s what and literally I try my best right now to love my life just like Christ loves me like literally. So I’ve learned some things from my first marriage that I’m going to tell you now has totally changed me to where my wife now is benefiting from that. Um a bad lesson umm don’t call the cops on yourself. (Laughter) That’s what I learned. Don’t call the cops on yourself because in America you the man will go to jail.you going to be big house. Just leave. Just walk away and go eat at Chili’s or something but don’t call the cops. Damita: Something good I learned in my first marriage is how to be a great support. And that’s something I’ve obtained naturally from seeing my mom. She was a great supporter of my dad so for me that was one of the greatest things I learned in my prior marriage was how to support 100% with no competitive spirit with no jealousy no big I and little you. My big thing was I got my fulfillment and my enjoyments in seeing someone else’s dream come to pass and know that I played a part in it. The bad thing I learned is don’t be ignorant stupid or blind. If the signs are there and someone shows you who they really are know that that’s who they are. And don’t try to compensate or cover for it. Deal with it and not be in denial. That was the bad thing…being in denial of who a person is or what they are dealing with and nursing it. It does nothing but implode on you in the end. Reuben did you feel like you had big shoes to feel marrying a well know gospel artist? No. I’m a very secure person and I don’t and am not a jelly back dude so when the weather shifted in our friendship I had the umbrella. It wasn’t one of those things where I was like well I don’t know… when I found out we were shifting I begin to tell her this is about to happen you know...and she looked at me and was like yea whatever….and it done got real…but you know for real I didn’t feel like I had big shoes to fill because I wasn’t in competition with her. I wasn’t in competition with my wife. I know who I am. The only people who have a problem with that issue about filling other people’s shoes are when they don’t have feet and that’s it. You aint got your own feet then you got problems with someone else’s shoes. I had my own thing so that was my focus… t….getting her…..and I got her Damita what is it like being a step mom? I don’t really consider myself being a step mom because I’ve actually inherited 4 children and those
are my babies. And I love them as if I gave birth to them because they are my own. But um I love them as if I gave birth to them and they love me in return. There was an adjustment because our 18 year old is living with us so the adjustment was I wouldn’t say uh it was having another female in the house because we are both girls. And um but she is the best thing that could have ever happen to me…I love my baby Dahjea. She’s like...we are like best friends and her daddy hates it. He’s such a hater but I love our bond that she and I have. We look alike we act alike and I’m finding everyday how similar and how much we are alike in everything. We cry we laugh we fight all of that. But through it all the adjustment has been very easy. It would be different if we were in a situation where the kids don’t like you and there was that kind of thing there for a minute like that jealousy…her trying to find her place and the kids trying to figure out am I going to take him away. And I actually told them all that you guys actually have a blessing in disguise because you have a mother that loves you and wants you. I’m not trying to replace your birth mother but God has blessed you with two mothers now….but it’s been amazing. But no real adjustment because I love kids and we are waiting on our twins……oh yes
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Why do you think the divorce rate in the church is so high? And where are we falling short as the church? Reuben: I believe that we are getting married for the wrong reasons. I think we are falling in love instead of choosing to love and that’s a big thing my wife and I talk about. I think we rush in and I think we are getting married off of adrenaline instead of intelligence. I think we are getting married because of how someone makes us feel sexually….sex….. We have sex before marriage and we all know sex blinds you, it clogs your ears, closes your noses and you can’t see, smell, taste... you can’t do none of that.
is we get divorced because of what we FEEL. If you take your emotions out of it then you’ll sit back and say…here’s the deal everybody is looking at all these big guest lists you got and you forgot God was there. And so I literally my wife asked me all the questions…and we had this talk listen are you done in them streets? Because give me the option to mess with you or not and we don’t do that. And we don’t teach that. I knew when I married my wife here was the
Damita: Especially for us women because we are very emotional so it becomes a soul tie. So when we confuse the sexual experience with love. And sometimes the reason why the divorce rate is so high is because we simply were never ready. You were ready to play house but you really didn’t know the real responsibility and accountability that comes into and the seriousness of what covenant and marriage is. We really don’t know what it is. We have no understanding of what real marriage is. So why is that? If the church is to be the mirror image of Christ and His marriage to us what’s the problem? Damita: The church is distorted Reuben: We don’t teach that... here’s the deal….we teach be submissive, you have to be the head. No one is saying do you know what a contract is? Do you know what a binding covenant is? Listen when you go and get a car and you sign that contract for that car if you lose your job 6 months from then, the contract has no feelings. And what we do
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deal. Not being deep but God is there. So I’m telling Him I’m going to take care of her just as you’ve been before I even showed up. And what we do is we let our feelings get involved and we say we are getting a divorce because of irreconcilable differences which means I don’t know how to talk. I don’t know how to communicate...I don’t know how to forgive and we aren’t teaching that in the church. We are teaching stay with him, oh you’re having sex get married and all that other craziness. No…no maam!
So with that being said, what do you all feel your ultimate purpose is for your union both naturally and spiritually? Damita: our purpose is that God is leading us on right now is transparency when it comes to love and relationships because we have been down that road and that path. We’ve both been married before, been through divorces, been through the deceptions, the lies, the deceits and the immature moments and all of these things so God has us where we are teaching people and sharing with people whether you’re single, or married or want to be married we just flat out be raw with them with no restrictions at all to let people understand that marriage is for grown people..It’s for people that are really ready to be responsible and accountable till the day you die. And people just don’t get it. They think that marriage is still like dating...they confuse dating with marriage and it’s so not. There’s a whole nether level of accountability, being respectable, and being committed to the word of God when it talks about being in covenant in marriage. So we are one of the pioneers out here saying look we been there done that. We aren’t out here just talking on emotion or because it sounds good we have lived it. Both been there. Mine was 16 years and his was 15 years... that’s a long time investment so this aint going nowhere. Reuben: I think one thing people don’t realize is that our marriage isn’t about us. You have to understand people are watching. In the message bible it says when you have issues in your marriage don’t separate...which means don’t divorce…so that my plan can go through. Because you have children that have to be covered. A lot of people don’t think about anyone but themselves….selfishness….when it comes down to your marriage.
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Damita: Divorce is so about selfishness that 2 people couldn’t get together...first of all you got together and said that you loved each other and that this is God and then in the end you could not come together and agree..And that’s really what it’s about Reuben: And either it’s God or its not Damita: He (God) wasn’t confused. Now if He said it that was it. And I take those vows that say “what God has joined together, let no man… that means even you...your own self …let no man put asunder. Work it out. Cause marriage is about growth. We change. Our concepts, our thinking changes. I got to adjust to that. We have to learn to adapt. We got to learn how to work; problem solve. And most breakdown in marriage is because we don’t know how to problem solve properly. You don’t learn how…the man doesn’t learn how if you say it the right way…. it’s not about what you say it’s about how you say it to get that women to do it the right way. If you don’t belittle her. It’s the same way with a women if you learn how to use wisdom and be a wise women and a virtuous women and learn how to talk to your husband you’ll get anything. And you can solve that problem without cussing or without talking about how he makes you mad. Yea he might have done that but you don’t have to say that which now opens up
grounds for the enemy to minister to him or her and bring back old past wounds and hurts. There are have been so many times where we have had to come together and I’ve had to say you know this is the devil that’s trying to make me think what I have been through and make you think what you have been through and make you doubt whether or not you made the right choice or the right decision. No let’s squash this. But everyone isn’t like that. They let that thing fester and year, two years, three years and the devil done ministered so much to you now that its built up this strong hold wall till now you got to have almost the whole prayer warriors and mothers board to come and bust up this stuff with you when you could have nipped it in the bud. We call it quick recovery time. Recovering quick from the assaults and the attacks that the enemy brings against your marriage. And most times he doesn’t use outside voices, he uses you and your spouse to fight against one another and tear up your own house. As women I speak to you wives to learn the proper tools to build your marriage. And even if you are in the right in your stance, here comes that submissiveness, learn how to humble yourself and submit yourself by closing your mouth and allowing God to deal with the man and not you. Learn how not to be the witch and pray to control and manipulate the man, but say God what is it that you are trying to work out of me. Because most times God is trying to work submissiveness in you with him being wrong. But we just got to be the boss. He says all the time you always got to have the last say. And we as women always got to have the last say and God is trying to work on us not necessarily him. Reuben: I heard Dr. Dollar say this, how my wife treats me is none of my business. How I treat my wife is none of her business. My job is to treat her how I’m suppose to treat her and her job is to treat me how she’s suppose to treat me. Now once that happens now everyone is being served. I’ve learned you can’t be wrong and strong in a marriage. If you’re wrong, admit it, you’re an adult and you know you wrong. So you can’t be wrong and strong at the same time. So that something that my wife and I do. Sometimes I’ll do something and my wife will give me that look. And I’ll say I know I’m wrong. But here’s the thing. When they say they are wrong let it go and leave it alone. What is Love Works?
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Love Works came out of nowhere. Love works was just us ministering to people online and social media about our relationship and us just sharing the different things we have been through or things we are observing and we just spit it out there. But we would give out these tips and words of wisdom and we just said let’s just call this “Love Works” because in our relationship we understand Love who is God it works. The bible says 1John 4:7-8 God is Love, so God works, love works, and when you realize in relationships that He’s the center focus, which is love it works. We say work that love because love works. So that has pretty much been the theme of what we have been doing collectively, our ministry as husband and wife. It’s been amazing. We’ve had so many testimonies from the people that we are ministering to online. We had our first little get together, our Love Works icebreaker where we have 10 couples that we come together, meet and talk about marriage. We keep it raw …and we aren’t trying to pastor nobody so let me get that out there. We’re just being real about what we have gone through and hear the other testimonies of the other couples that have gone through so that we can just encourage one another. Reuben: Love Works is about really asking the questions and letting people know that if you have a reason behind why you love your spouse then you’re really not loving. Because if you take those reasons away then it means you really don’t love. You have to love without prejudice and for no reason. No where in the bible can you find why God loves us. He just says I love you so. So my thing is if I can just look at my wife and say I love you so it doesn’t matter what she does to me and it doesn’t
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matter if she has a bad day, I’m not going anywhere. She aint going no where either. If she goes somewhere she’s going to have to carry 187 lb caucus Word of advice you would give engaged couples? Both: Ask the questions. Everything you can think of ask. Damita: If he runs, he aint the one! (Laughter) Reuben: Put the pressure on on purpose. Listen real talk. Put the pressure on on purpose. Show up late to a dinner 15 minutes late and see how he/she reacts to it. Everything is peachy king in the beginning. I put up a post on facebook one day that said the worse mistake we can make is an imperfect spouse expecting perfection from an imperfect spouse. So my thing is if something happens, people really can be late. It happens...it really was traffic or I really had a flat tire forreal. So my thing is put the pressure on just to see what’s going on and see how they react. Nothing is worse than being married to someone and finding out they can’t take one degree hotter and now you are locked in. so my thing is wait, do not rush into nothing...and I don’t care if you are pregnant. Pregnancy doesn’t mean get married; it means in 9 months you are going to have a baby. So ask the questions. My wife asked me every question under the sun! We sat down in front of the TV and turned it off and said hey let me ask you this question and you got to be 100. Damita: Tell the truth and don’t play games. There’s nothing worse than being deceived. Give them that option to go into the marriage with their eyes wide open. And if that person cannot handle your transparency and honesty. You need someone
who can handle your truth. We have no secrets, no passwords or codes…It’s such a peaceful marriage. You want to be able to leave your home and not worry about who they are talking to or texting on their phone or who they are online with flirting Reuben: And let me say this last thing. Marriage will not change your spouse. Marriage won’t make them get saved, marriage won’t make them pay their bills on time and marriage won’t make them faithful. Marriage won’t make them do anything except what they are doing right now. And women if he’s going upside your head now, when you marry him you are giving him a license to do it…I’m telling you right now Damita: Make sure you make all check payable to Love Works because the Bishop has spoken. (Laughter)
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Valentine’s
Fashion V
alentine’s Day is one of my favorite Holidays of the year! It’s a day to go the extra mile for your significant other. Me and my husband like to go out every year. He surprises me, and takes me to a hot restaurant in Atlanta. It’s usually a spot we have never been before. I always try to look my best going out. I believe when you look good, you feel good. If you’re going out on the town. It’s fun to wear a cute cocktail dress in any color. Make sure the dress is flattering in your size. Pair with your best stileletto heels! With accessories you don’t have to overdo it. Keep it simple with stud earrings, and a tennis bracelet. You should also bring a cute clutch bag to complete look. If you follow these steps, your husband will be pleased!! Be sure to enjoy your time with each other. Also remember Valentine’s Day should be every month in your home. Always show love, and appreciate each other!! Love y’all!! Sacha Vinson Creamer
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Valentine’s Day on a Budget
By Darryl E. Tucker
M
any men find days on the calendar designated for buying gifts exclusively for women a little absurd. If there is not an even exchange most men will consider days like Valentine’s Day unfair and unnecessary. What we first have to realize as men is women tend to highlight those days because there is a lack of consistency in everyday affection. So what we must do as men, is to allow every day to be Valentine’s Day that way when those specific dates on the calendar show up you won’t have to feel the pressure to empty out your wallet to show her how special she is. Valentine’s Day will just be an addition to what you already do.
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What I’ve discovered in my relationship with my wife is that the little things do matter. Kissing, holding hands, date nights, and small tokens of love in a consistent fashion makes everyday a display of love. So here are my tips exclusively for men on how to make Valentine’s Day everyday on a budget. 1. Pay attention to detail. Women appreciate when we pay attention to details. Whether it’s her dress size (bra size, shoe size), favorite color, favorite restaurant, favorite candy… just to name a few. We as men tend to spend more money “guessing” what she wants. If you know the specific details you will spend less time and money trying to figure it out.
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I frequently buy my wife’s favorite style of shoes or bra and panty sets in her favorite color. 2. No gift is too small. It’s not in the size of the gift it’s the thought you put into it. If you can’t afford a dozen of flowers, buy one or stop by your nearest grocery store it’s much cheaper. Take advantage of inexpensive gifts. Women like to know that they are being thought about. 3. Be Intentional. Have a plan. Don’t be random, do things on purpose. Use social media apps like Groupon and Living Social to find inexpensive ways for Date Nights. 4. Time. I always say “Time doesn’t cost a dime”. Women really appreciate your undivided, uninterrupted time and attention with opportunities to communicate. A woman’s need to communicate is just as strong as a man’s need for sex. 5. Be consistent. Don’t be sporadic or infrequent. Make it your priority to do something, say something special and different than the last. Women are creatures of consistency. These things are just a few ways to help you make your woman feel special every day. Trust me when I say, it makes Valentine’s Day that much more special.
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Who Said That Valentine’s Day Can’t Be Fun For Singles? J. Hollis Jr.
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I’ve been single for the majority of my life… well, all of my life (Give or take a few dates here and there). And every year, right around February 14, I would dread leaving my apartment because I knew someone would ask me how I was planning to spend Valentine’s Day. My answer was usually, “Alone,” to which I was met with weird looks and comments such as, “Are you crazy?” and, “You must be depressed!” However, I’m not, and over the years I’ve learned to embrace the spirit of the day, and that is love. So, what better way is there to learn loving someone else than learning to love yourself first? Here are a few things that singles can do on Valentine’s Day to celebrate a day of love:
Treat Yourself The way that I see it, Valentine’s Day is all about spending
money. I chuckle as I watch my friends frantically scurry around malls, drugstores, flower shops, and department stores in search of overpriced jewelry, gourmet chocolates and lavish perfumes. Meanwhile, I’m perusing through sweaters and jackets, preparing for a massage, and making reservations for the wonderful steak and lobster dinner that I will definitely indulge in--guiltlessly. Remember, others will all be out running through malls whining and crying because they can’t remember the name of the perfume that she said she wanted a month ago. So, the bottom line is, “Do it!” You can spend a little on yourself!
Throw a Party Find some other singles, maybe at your church, at
work, or even the gym, and throw a party. Create a nice menu; pour up the mocktails or cocktails; and enjoy one another. You can encourage them to bring over other friends, and you might even find that “special one”. The upside is, if you do find that special one, you have an entire year to plan for the running and whining that will take place next Valentine’s Day.
Dinner with Friends If you’re not the partying type, what better way to
celebrate the day than to go to dinner with friends? I call up a few of my friends, who, at any given time may be single, and we hit the town. Sometimes appetizers at one spot, entrees at another, and end with dessert somewhere at the end of the strip. We have a blast!!!!! Be sure not to take too many friends; five or six usually works. This way, all of the big tables (the ones that seat more than a couple), which are generally empty on Valentine’s Day will be filled, and it’s a win-win situation. There will less likely be a long wait for you, and the server will now make more money!
Do Nothing Last year, I rotated between my bed and my television,
making sure that I stayed clear of Lifetime and Hallmark Channels, and I loved it. I spent no money on dinner, gifts, or movies. I just sat indoors and rested. I considered it a free day of rest and relaxation. I used the money that was saved to go out the following weekend when the restaurants weren’t overly crowded, the candy had gone on sale, and the malls were back to normal. #Winning
Do the Usual Finally, it’s okay to do the usual. I mean, who says you
have to take off of work, or do extravagant things in order to love yourself on Valentine’s Day? Just pretend as though it’s a normal day. Go to work. Go to lunch. Go to the gym. Go home. Rest. But with all that has been said, make sure that you do take the time to love yourself, and one day, with much fear and trembling, you will be the one running around the malls and whining, trying to make someone else feel just as special as you’ve learned to make yourself feel!
DEBBI SMITH Accountant/Owner
debbi@smithaccountingservices.com • www.smithaccountingservices.com 1640 Powers Ferry Rd. S.E., Building 24, Suite 375, Marietta, GA 30067 Phone: 770.933.1983 • Fax: 770.933.1985
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Apple Cinnamon Chicken and Waffles with a Sweet and Spicy Syrup •
6 Jumbo Chicken Wings
Waffle Mix
• • • • • • • • •
4 cups Waffle Mix(recipe below) Dozen eggs Flour Water Nutmeg Cinnamon Granny Smith Apple Sprite (Lemon Water) Salt and Pepper
4 Cups Waffle Mix 1 1/2 cups Milk (or Vanilla Soy Milk) 1 1/2 cups water 3 eggs 2 tsp. vanilla 2 tsp. orange extract 2 Cups Diced Apples 1 tbsp sugar 2 tsp. cinnamon
Chicken Wing Breading • • • • • • •
Add 6 cups of Flour to a large bowl Add 2 tbsp of salt Add 2 tbsp of pepper Add 3 tbsp of cinnamon Add 3 tbsp of Nutmeg Add 1 tbsp of turmeric Wisk all together
Breakfast Smoothie • • • • • • • • •
2 cups chopped frozen cucumbers 2 cups frozen pineapple chunks 3 cups chopped frozen apples 1/2 cup finely chopped frozen ginger 1/4 cups fine chopped mint 3 cups of orange juice 2 cups fresh strawberries 2 cups fresh blueberries 1 cups greek yogurt
Blend until smooth consistency Serve chilled topped with Greek Yogurt and fresh Berries
Half the apple will be diced .5in x .5in soaked in a bowl of Sprite so they won’t discolor (oxidize) Half with be cut into matchstick size and used for fresh garnish on plate also soaked in Sprite as not to oxidize Beat 9 eggs in a bowl until smooth For every one egg add 2 tablespoons of water To coat chicken wings use “Dry hand Wet Hand Method” Use Dry hand to coat chicken wing in flour mix drop in egg mix use Wet hand to Pick up out of egg wash back in to flour to double coat for crispy chicken wings DO NOT LET DRY HAND GO IN EGG WASH OR WET HAND GO INTO FLOUR!!! Fry wings in fryer or hot oil at 350-375 degrees for 7-8 minutes internal temp of Chicken wing should be 160 Degrees Place chick on paper towel to absorb any extra fryer oil Mix all together. Prepare waffles
Sweet and Spicy Syrup Warm Maple Syrup in small saucepan while whisking add 4-6 shots of hot sauce and serve warm over Chicken and Waffles
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Wake and Bake Jr. 2 Whole Firm Avocados 4 Hard Boiled Large eggs salt and pepper to taste 2 tbsp. olive oil • Slice the length of avocado and remove pit with chef knife using tap twist and turn method • using a spoon remove bite size pieces of avocado and place in bowls • remove egg yolk from peeled hard boiled egg and set aside to be used in other recipes • break egg white up into 2inch x 2in pieces and add to bowl with avocados • drizzle olive oil over eggs and avocados • sprinkle salt and pepper to taste
Bruschetta Lemon Ricotta and Honey • 2 fresh lemons • 2 cups high quality whole milk ricotta cheese (about 15 oz.) • 1/2 French baguette • Extra virgin olive oil (I prefer organic) • Sea salt or kosher salt • Light colored honey Before you begin, zest the yellow part of the peel from the two lemons using a fine microplane grater. Reserve the zest. Juice both of the lemons. Stir the fresh lemon juice into the ricotta cheese with a fork. Reserve the ricotta Slice loaf into slices that are about ¾ inch thick. (easier when using bread knife chef knife with crush bread) To toast the bread, you can grill it or broil it. If grilling, make sure your grill or grill pan is preheated before you start. • Brush both sides of each slice lightly with olive oil. • Put the bread to the grill or griddle, and cook until slightly charred on each side, about 2 minutes per side.
• add a generous smear of ricotta (best to leave it kind of messy and rustic-looking). • Drizzle slices with more olive oil and sprinkle with salt. • Drizzle a bit of honey over each bruschetta. • Sprinkle each slice with a generous amount of lemon zest. • Serve immediately while the bread is still toasty warm. It’s not hard to understand why honey has been considered an aphrodisiac for centuries. The very word “honeymoon” stems from the hope for a sweet marriage. Some say honey’s romantic reputation comes from an ancient custom in which newly married couples drank mead, a fermented beverage made with honey, until the first moon of their new union. Hippocrates prescribed honey for sexual vigor. According to an old French wives’ tale, a bee sting was supposedly like being given a shot of pure aphrodisiac. Honey contains boron, which may regulate hormone levels, and nitric oxide, which is released in the blood during arousal. It’s also a symbol of fertility and procreation in some cultures.
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The Little Things By Dartanyon Moore
Marriage-the pinnacle of every romantic relationship known to man. But the famous question is, what does it take to build an enjoyable marriage? Most will say that it takes mountains of riches. Others will say it may take a colossal amount of blah blah blah blah. Now, what if I told you that it doesn’t take much at all to build an enjoyable marriage? Have your attention now? Great!
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I would like to direct your attention to the “little things”, yes the little things. A little inside info about me: I was the type to go hard or go home. Go big or not at all. Bring your “A” game or don’t show up to the court, when it came to impressing a woman. I used to think the elaborate things were a sure thing to show my lady how much I cared. But, it wasn’t until I met my wife that I found out going big wasn’t as
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big as I thought. I was always a believer that the minute details should be studied. However, I now know that the minute details should be capitalized on in making your spouse happy. The small things shows your spouse that you do listen, and are interested in and or concerned about the intimate parts of their being. Majoring in the minor things will make you a Rhodes Scholar in making your spouse happy. I’ll never forget the time while dating my wife, I decided to reserve a limousine for her birthday. This was no ordinary birth day. This birth day was the first impression birth day, because it was the first one I had a chance to celebrate with her. I told her that I had reserved a limousine for us, and to my surprise she declined the fashionable ride! What?! I was really angry! I had gotten the hook up on it and everything! I began to learn after that it was the little things that she was happy with (which she always reminds me of). The things that I gave her that most people in her past relationships over looked. She just appreciated the fact that she was on my mind. Building a marriage you can enjoy by investing in the little things seems like a foreign concept. Who would think to think of anyone outside of themselves? That’s exactly why investing in the little things is so important! It says you care enough about me to invest your interest in me, in things that most people aren’t aware of. It shows dedication, commitment, and selflessness. Consider the pyramids in Egypt- they are one of the greatest wonders of the world. But the construction started with one brick at a time. When you think about the size of a brick, in comparison to the completed size of the pyramid it pales in comparison. It is a small speck like a grain of black pepper. Imagine the amount of attention to detail it took to build those pyramids. The structuring of the pyramids is viewed as perfect geometry! And if those bricks were off by any measurement, or were plucked out of position one by one, the structure of that pyramid would’ve toppled over. Those small bricks were used to build a beautiful structure that the world stands in awe of.
the small needs of your spouse; but it is paramount that every married couple do so. Marriage can be enjoyable if only you focus on, and invest in the little things that make each other feel like you both are the only things that matter in life. Now, you may have been wondering the entire time what exactly are the “little things”; so let me take the opportunity to explain. The little things are whatever it is that makes your wife blush and smile while twirling her hair. The little things are the unexpected things from gifts, down to the smallest gesture of courtesy and consideration. The little things are fulfilling the wishes she merely mentions in casual conversation. Take your wife shopping without complaining for a change. Allow her to take her time as you smile along, and show interest in giving her your honest opinion of her selections. That purse, dress, 10 pair of shoes, belt, bra and panty set, tooth brush (you get the picture I hope) she mentioned she liked while window browsingpick it up for her while on your way home from work. Support her favorite interests, and endure the horror of watching her favorite reality TV shows (especially if it comes on when the football game is on). Dude, shave your chest, clip your toe nails, change your boxers up, wear the cologne she likes to smell, etc. It’s very simple, but it takes a lot of being attentive to her the objective is to build lasting memories. When she knows she’s on your mind, you’ll always be on hers. Trust me when I say once you begin to invest in the little things, you will experience a whole new wife. My brother, you may even cause her to remove “not tonight” out of her vocabulary! Now go and enjoy your marriage.
I guarantee that most marriages that fail are marriages where the little things were either taken for granted, abused or outright neglected. It doesn’t take much to stop and make sure the little things are taken care of. I know it’s difficult to break out of the routines of life, and to focus on
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