December by Aisling Twomey

motley december 2010 - issue no. 3 ucc official magazine

Jason Byrne Funny Man talking...

Student Protests Too much? Or not enough?

Tis the Season... Of gorgeous Christmas clothes! ÂŠlisathomasmanagement.com

Editor Aisling Twomey

Christmas is the best time of year. Even if you’re a Grinch, I’m willing to lay some money (a small amount, to be fair!) on the fact that sometimes, when those first few notes of Fairytale of New York come on the radio, you smile a bit to yourself- despite the fact that you purport to hate Christmas and everything about it, in true Scrooge style. So I’m gonna be completely Tiny Tim here, and tell you to smile ridiculously at every cheesy song, wrap presents with seriously awesome amounts of ribbon, buy gifts that people will actually like, and start to ignore the news a little bit. I guarantee that it will be full of budgets, cuts, gory deficits and neat puns on the words “Fianna” and “Fail”. Regardless, you’ve heard it before, and Christmas is so not the time for it. Welcome to the Christmas Issue of Motley; it’s slightly over the top to give you Christmas on December 1st, but sometimes it’s fun to do something mental. And, y’know, it fitted our schedule... Enjoy Christmas, drink some of our eggnog, and let us know how the recipe worked for you! See you in January 2011!

The Team aisling twomey adam dinan audrey dearing kellie morrissey john murphy siobhán meehan kathryn o regan andrew mcdonnell michael holland muire o hara

daithi Linnane

Editor In Chief - editor@motley.ie Current Affairs Editor Deputy Editor In Chief - currentaffairs@motley.ie Features Editor - features@motley.ie Entertainment Editor entertainments@motley.ie Deputy Entertainment Editor - entertainments@motley.ie Interviews and Local Editor local@motley.ie Fashion Editor - fashion@motley.ie Men’s Fashion Editor fashion@motley.ie Photographic Editor - photo@motley.ie Design/ Layout - layout@motley.ie Advertising Editor - advertising@uccsu.ie

©Michael Holand

Contents On the cover... 42.

Tis the Season.... Get your christmas clothes all sorted in one fell swoop!

Tom Smith Questions the Violence of student protest

22.

Siobhan meehan talks to Jason Byrne about Cork, funnies, and, well... his wife.

Current Affairs 10.

Jerry Larkin argues that our state of perpetual fear is a big paycheque for the elite.

12.

Sean O Se considers the favourite of Cork legends- Sean Óg Ó hAilpín.

Entertainments 15.

John Murphy goes to the pictures to rejoin Gryffindor and battle Voldemort.

25.

Cathal Malone tells you what books to buy as gifts this Christmas season.

Features 32.

Sam Marks brings you a list of gifts for the future!

38.

Learn how to make Eggnog with this month’s recipe!

Fashion

Christmas treats p.42

41.

Deck yourself out for Christmas with our Winter buys for girls!

41.

Learn all about the Christmas Jumper phenomenonand find one you like!

Current Affairs

currentaffairs@motley.ie

Adam Dinan

Gay blood ban comes under fire irish blood services continue to refuse donations from gay males, as pressure builds for change. current affairs editor adam dinan investigates.

embers of UCC Students’ Union and the LGBT Society were recently out on campus to protest against the sustained refusal of the Irish Blood Transfusion Service (IBTS) to accept donations from those in the male homosexual community. The IBTS has a number of restrictions on eligibility for giving blood, which it claims are in place to protect both the health of the donor and the safety of the blood supply. These include bans on donations from those who have been in prison in the previous year, or who have recently gotten a piercing or tattoo, as well as all men who have sex with men (MSM). the ibts has a number of restrictions on eligibility for giving blood, which it claims are in place to protect both the health of the donor and the safety of the blood supply. While the IBTS acknowledges that its policy in relation to MSM causes “considerable offence” and is “clearly discriminatory”, the organisation’s CEO, Andrew Kelly, has defended their current stance. “We discriminate against several groups in the community insofar as we refuse to allow them to donate blood on the basis of perceived increased risk of spreading infections through blood transfusion,” he said in a statement.

However, although in most such cases individuals are allowed to resume giving blood as soon as they can be verified free of transmissible diseases, MSM donors are restricted for life, which campaigners say is unjust and unwarranted. “In the context of temporary bans, it does not make sense that MSM should be banned for life … it contributes negatively to the stigma which is often attached to being gay,” said LGBT Rights Officer Laura Harmon. As part of the campaign, UCC student Brian Byrne queued up to donate blood, only to be told that he will never be allowed to as a sexually-active gay male. The policy itself was developed in the early 1980s, before a test for HIV infection in blood donors had been developed. Several European countries have lifted injunctions on MSM donations in recent years, prompting Irish equality groups to call for similar action at home. Gay Doctors Ireland (GDI) have described it as ‘unscientific’, and the Union of Students in Ireland have held regular campaigns against the ban. “It’s very difficult to get information from the IBTS on the policy. They are still recycling information from about five years ago,” said Dr. Conor Malone of GDI. MSM donors are restricted for life, which campaigners say is unjust and unwarranted Protestors spoke also of the need for more detailed vetting of heterosexual high-risk groups, amidst aims to counteract a “culture of misinformation” surrounding

sexually-transmitted diseases. “We feel that the questions asked should be closer to those used in Spain, Italy and France, where potential donors are screened on the basis of the risk associated with their actual sexual practices and lifestyle, rather than simple orientation,” said Genevieve Shanahan, who joined in the rally. “Those in higher-risk categories, regardless of orientation, should be deferred for a set period of time, rather than banned for life.”

Dr. William Murphy – Medical Director of the IBTS – openly admitted that “any regular blood donor in a stable partnership is safer than one who is not, all other things being equal” As far back as 2006, Dr. William Murphy – Medical Director of the IBTS – openly admitted that “any regular blood donor in a stable partnership is safer than one who is not, all other things being equal”, and called for an overhaul of the system. Yet the continued insistence of the board of management to retain the measure in the interim, along with the comments made by Kelly and other senior IBTS figures, suggest that such reform is far from certain in the short term. “If there is to be a change in this policy, the pressure will have to come from outside the IBTS and be maintained, as it has been,” said Ms. Shanahan. “If we aren’t out there setting the record straight on these stereotypes then it will be much more difficult for the IBTS to change due to the widespread misunderstanding of the risks involved.”

To fee or not to fee? kevin curran gives us the lowdown on the arguments for and against college fees.

he subject of third level fees is still a highly contentious one, particularly as we await an inevitable rise in registration costs in the upcoming budget. It’s a debate that will rage long into the future, whatever the current (or indeed, the next) government decide. The average student might just become lost in a sea of economic projections and ideological viewpoints, unsure of what the real issues are. But when the political jargon is unravelled, the debate begins to look a bit simpler. The average student might just become lost in a sea of economic projections and ideological viewpoints, unsure of what the real issues are. The Union of Students in Ireland (USI) and others want education to be ring-fenced in the upcoming budget, to avoid – as they see it – punishing future generations for the current regime’s mistakes, and to protect our strategy of being a “knowledge-based” economy. USI believe that an increase in the registration fee would strengthen socioeconomic barriers and further the inequality that is already created in secondary education between private and public schools. Both sides of the debate believe that their methods will help to lower dropout rates from colleges and increase the quality of graduates However, many who are in favour of fees claim that removing them has had no substantive impact on making Universities more open to those less well off. Indeed, the Higher Education Authority (HEA) recently stated that since the abolition of fees, its

entering college (i.e. less to gain from research shows no increase in third level students coming from lower socio-economic completing a third level degree). A recent HEA report has stated that students from backgrounds. the 300—400 Leaving Cert point range are While the median income in 2005 in more likely to drop out, and an even larger Ireland was €35,000 per household, the percentage of students drop out from Level 7 upper threshold of most grant schemes is and Certificate courses. about €32,000 per household. Hence, a If the opportunity cost was raised for large percentage of people in college are from households above the national average, these students by the introduction of fees, more careful consideration might be put and the pro-fees camp generally use such into entering college, perhaps creating a statistics to justify the re-introduction higher standard of graduate and lowering of fees. the dropout rate in the process. This may be countered by the fact that children from traditional working class backgrounds already have the highest dropout rates, and hence there is a clear correlation between financial stability and progression through third level.

However, UCC Students’ Union President Keith O’Brien estimates that the cost to students could be up to €10,000 a year from 2011. For families with €30,000 to €50,000 net household income, paying such an amount up-front (potentially in multiples if they have a number of children) every year would be a serious burden. One proposed solution by the likes of Fine Gael involves the creation of a government-sponsored loan scheme similar that of the UK, where until recently fees were capped at £3,000, would alleviate financial pressure. Both sides of the debate believe that their methods will help to lower dropout rates from colleges and increase the quality of graduates. Those in favour of fees suggest that free third level education leaves students with a low opportunity cost of

Reports show that Canada suffers from a similar problem: many of its Universities offer belowstandard degrees in order make money used to fund research, and the quality of graduates has suffered as a result. Any additional burden on families could potentially lead to an increase in dropout rates. Moreover, as the reasoning goes, introducing fees could see third level institutes revert to businesses where the aim will be to achieve turnover and profit rather high education standards. Reports show that Canada suffers from a similar problem: many of its Universities offer belowstandard degrees in order make money used to fund research, and the quality of graduates has suffered as a result. A good website providing non-partisan information on the fees debate is Education Matters. See www.educationmatters.ie.

Current Affairs

A Self-Fulfilling Prophecy? political sniping at home and abroad has forced us to a european bailout, believes

sarah slevin.

an one country bring down an entire monetary union? If Herman Van Rompuy is to be believed, we gave it our best effort. Not only that, but the President of the European Council asserts that a failure by Ireland to take a bailout would have precipitated the downfall of the European Union as a whole. Mr. Van Rompuy may be merely playing the doom merchant, but it illustrates just how grave our situation appears.

Certain observers contend that a bailout was unavoidable. Whether avoidable or not, something triggered, and aggravated, a rapid economic meltdown in Europe, with Ireland at its core. Greek Prime Minister George Papandreou described Angela Merkel’s recent announcement as a ‘selffulfilling prophecy’. While not renowned for their fiscal responsibility of late, the Greeks believed that Merkel’s comments incited the crisis.

Not that long ago, European counterparts were praising our efforts to control our banking and sovereign debts. However, tension has been building steadily over the past few weeks. The result was a serious liquidity crisis. In essence, our banks had no money. The problem was exacerbated when the German Chancellor, Angela Merkel, announced a plan to make bondholders liable for sovereign debts, spooking the markets further.

Our actions over recent weeks have been significant. It’s not often that a byelection in Donegal SouthWest makes international news...

Mr. Van Rompuy may be merely playing the doom merchant, but it illustrates just how grave our situation appears. This is where we find ourselves. The IMF have set up camp in the Department of Finance. Our problems alone take up no less than 6 pages in the latest issue of The Economist, one of the most respected international financial magazines. We take pride of place on the front cover of that same magazine, as ‘Good Ship Europe’ is shown sailing into apparent oblivion, guided by an Irish flag. The Financial Times peruses the possibility of Ireland becoming “a ward of the ECB”.

Without doubt, the foundations for disaster were laid on home soil. Described as “an unhealthy boom” by The Washington Post, we inflated a property bubble through tax breaks and negligent financial regulation. Our government were undeniably at the heart of this. However, for opposition parties to claim that all would have been different had they presided over the Celtic Tiger is nothing more than retrospective nonsense. Every government wants to be popular, and will prolong success to further political ends. A virulent bubble like the one we experienced during the last decade was inevitable. Our actions over recent weeks have been significant. It’s not often that a by-election in Donegal South-West makes international news, however it represents nicely the turmoil in our political system. It may sound facetious, but a football team characterised by constant bickering between the players is never going to win anything.

Repeated calls for a general election, quarrelling and opposition for its own sake sent a message to the markets that we were defeated. International factors had a role to play in the fiasco. Merkel’s recommendations, while logical, were awfully timed. Many commentators believe the Greek bailout was a disaster, as they will never really be able to repay their debts. This, combined with a rushed support mechanism for the euro zone countries reveals a poorly handled debt crisis. European actions seem to have forced the hand of jittery markets. Where now for our battered economy? According to The Economist it’s not as hopeless as it appears. They believe us likely to return to growth before our Mediterranean neighbours, due to our adaptable workforce and attractiveness to foreign investors. Little solace it is while the IMF take the reins of the exchequer. Nonetheless, we should remember this is not Armageddon. The UK went to the IMF in 1976, and came out the other side.

Repeated calls for a general election, quarrelling and opposition for its own sake sent a message to the markets that we were defeated. It seems true that Chancellor Merkel fulfilled a prophecy for us. Maybe that illustrates the problem, however. We haven’t been writing prophecies of our own, we’ve been too busy looking for divine intervention. The day will come when we’ll control our own destiny again. In the meantime though, the IMF don’t do prophesising.

Questioning the Violence Blackout tom smith muses over student protests, the environment, and violence as a form of self-defence.

“P

raising violence over peaceful protest is frankly irresponsible” maintained a statement released by Downing Street in the aftermath of the recent student protests in London, after a group of academics from the University of London lauded the students’ occupation of the Tory Party HQ. The parallels to our own recent march are tangible: a fringe element breaks away from the main march and ends up clashing with the police. They are criticised by the head of the National Union of Students, who in turn is chastised for turning his back on supportive protesters.

Blaming fringe elements for this “destructive and anti-social violence”, as USI and the Gardaí did, entirely confuses symptoms and causes...

While the accusations of irresponsibility may seem reasonable to those of us of average undergraduate age, who’ve grown up mired in a fluffy world of hegemonic pacifism (usually defended by the false reverence for supposedly great pacifists, hilariously referred to by some as the “Gandhi Shield”), waving placards and shouting catchy slogans. All the while, socialism for the rich gets more generous, cut-throat capitalism for the poor gets more brutal, the world’s ecosystems are destroyed at unprecedented rates, global hunger increases, more Middle Eastern countries are criminally destroyed (feel free to add more good protest material ad infinitum). So, perhaps, in the context of education cuts we should heed the words of the above academics who maintained that “the real violence in this situation relates not to a smashed window but to the destructive impact of the cuts.” Indeed, replace the word

“cuts” in the quote with any of the above causes for concern and perhaps we edge that bit closer to the reality of the matter. Blaming fringe elements for this “destructive and anti-social violence”, as USI and the Gardaí did, entirely confuses symptoms and causes, while reinforcing the universal societal norm that violence can travel un-condemned only down the social hierarchy and not up it. It’s like laying the blame for 9/11 solely on the backs of crazed suicide bombers, as is routinely done in mainstream media, without examining underlying U.S. military aggression and belligerent foreign policy. Of course throwing a fire extinguisher from the roof of Tory HQ was an act of violent stupidity. But this is mainly because, if violence is to be kept in the arsenal of protest and social change (as it is equally kept in the arsenal of most governments and our economic system), it should at least be kept well-targeted and effective. We live in an undeniable time of crisis, not just regarding the economy, but also factoring in decades of increasingly rapacious human activity that has rendered the global environment toxified, depleted and in an extremely precarious condition. Geologists increasingly refer to the present period as the “Anthropocene” in honour of the horrendous geological and ecological change our species has provoked on the biosphere. We have single-handedly brought about the 6th great phase of species extinction in the history of the planet. I can go on.

As the juggernaut of an ethically-perverted human society edges us and other species closer to the brink in a multitude of arenas, it becomes increasingly less defendable. Over 90% of large fish in the world’s oceans are now gone. Unacceptable levels of dioxins are to be found in breast milk of mothers in every country ever examined (actually, is any level acceptable?). World military spending was over $1.5 trillion in 2009, increasing unstoppably even throughout the ongoing global economic crisis.

Over 90% of large fish in the world’s oceans are now gone. Unacceptable levels of dioxins are to be found in breast milk of mothers in every country ever examined. But no, you have to live with crippling debt if you want to further your education. There comes a point when you see real violence for what it is, and stop believing that making pretty placards is really going to do anything. As the acclaimed author Derrick Jensen says, you just have to decide at what point that is. When 99% of the large fish are gone? 100%? You might not like the implications of this, it might make you uncomfortable, but then again, I don’t really care. It’s my planet too. By the way, Gandhi, once wrote letters to Hitler asking him to stop his violence, signing off the last one with “Your sincere friend”. Would you believe it didn’t do anything?

Current Affairs

The dangerous reality of Irish abortion laws as the use of ‘abortion pills’ in ireland becomes more prevalent, the country’s restrictive legislation comes under scrutiny. genevieve shanahan investigates.

ast month, Choice Ireland - a grassroots pro-choice organisation - discovered that 1,216 packages of abortion-inducing drugs such as Misoprostol and RU486 had been seized by Customs in 2009. The discovery was highlighted by TV3’s MidWeek programme two weeks later, which successfully acquired these drugs through the internet. The ease with which the drugs were obtained and the testimony of doctors who are aware of patients having taken these pills suggests that the number of Irish women ordering them is much higher than those seized. . Both Choice Ireland and MidWeek emphasised the risks involved in using these unregulated medicines – there is no guarantee of their efficacy, ingredients or standards of production. Furthermore, they are typically meant for use under the careful supervision of a gynaecologist, after consultation with a GP and followed by suitable after-care. But due to the legal status of these pills here it seems safe to assume that the vast majority of women taking them are not in a position to avail of such supports. While some of these online companies are clearly preying on vulnerable individuals in desperate circumstances, others, such as WomenOnWeb.org, seem to genuinely aim at helping women whose only option is to buy these drugs online - making up for the shortcomings of our legislation by trying to render the process as safe as possible. Clearly this is not an acceptable state of affairs, but what the MidWeek programme failed to adequately address were the reasons women have for resorting to these sorts of dangerous measures.

The Irish government relies on women’s ability to travel abroad, usually to the UK, in order to obtain abortions. This gives rise to a situated inequality in which those who can afford to travel have the power to obtain an abortion, and those who can’t, don’t. Depending on how far along you are in your pregnancy you would need between €800 and €1000 in order to travel to the UK for an abortion according to the Irish Family Planning Association. For the most vulnerable in society, struggling to make ends meet, finding €800 is basically impossible. Furthermore, every week one spends trying to find the money for the procedure, the higher the cost climbs and the greater risk to the woman’s health it becomes. Those women with uncertain residency status, such as asylum seekers, may be unable to leave the country at all for fear of not being allowed re-admittance, and women with children or other responsibilities often would not be able to take the required time off. This effectively traps women and forces them to take desperate, unsafe and illegal measures. This is the situation that prompted Human Rights Watch to publish a 57-page document on the injustices suffered by Irish women as a result of our restrictive laws.

medical professionals that many women who are legally entitled to access abortion services in Ireland cannot do so. This situation is not in compliance with international law.” These women are forced to undertake the procedure abroad due to a lack of clear information on the circumstances under which they are legally permitted to obtain an abortion in Ireland, and the fear among medical professionals this uncertainty breeds. There is also great concern brewing over ‘rouge agencies’ that masquerade as crisis pregnancy services, while instead merely peddling lies in order to scare women into continuing an unwanted pregnancy. A quick glance through the Youth Defence website, for instance, turns up false assertions that women who have abortions run the risk of developing ‘Post Abortion Syndrome’, have an inflated risk of cancer, and may become infertile. Similar organisations pretend to offer abortion information, before subjecting visitors to manipulative psychological attacks. The government needs to regulate information providers so that individuals facing a crisis pregnancy do not have to cope with the added stress of condemnation and misinformation.

Sinead Ahern, spokesperson for Choice Ireland, tells us that “it is time to face up to the reality that Irish women will go to As it stands, legislation seems to desperate lengths and take huge risks to end suggest that women are permitted to avail pregnancies they feel they cannot continue. of abortion procedures in Ireland if the continuation of the pregnancy poses a risk to It is time to stop turning our backs on these women.” This discovery has made tangible the woman’s life. However, the report states all the inequalities we should have been that “Human Rights Watch was unable to shouting about for years. Now’s the time to document a single case of a legal abortion pay heed and make the changes necessary in being performed in Ireland and it is clear order to respect the wellbeing and autonomy from our interviews with doctors and of these women.

Green Revolution Is The Only Solution with so much talk of green pathway out of our problems, sean roberti looks at how this would work in practice.

part from the ‘Dot-Com’ bust in 2000, the last four major global recessions all followed a spike in oil prices. In July 2008, when prices surged to over $147 a barrel, transport and food prices around the world were pushed up. Central banks responded by raising interest rates, which burst a massive credit bubble and triggered the banking crisis. Two months later, Lehman Brothers collapsed. By the end of the year Europe and the US were in recession and unemployment was soaring. Because of the level of our dependence on oil, the next recession could be less than five years away.

many times over. We could also earn massive amounts of money by exporting surplus electricity to the UK and mainland Europe. The main problem we must first overcome is that wind is intermittent. There needs to be a way to store wind energy so that it can be used when the weather is calm. Fortunately, a group of volunteers with expertise in areas such as engineering and business have found a way to do this. The group, which call themselves ‘Spirit of Ireland’, suggest using surplus electricity to pump sea water into large U-shaped valleys on Ireland’s west coast. When the weather is calm, electricity can be generated by

Last year, Ireland’s greenhouse gas emissions fell by an astonishing 8%, the first fall in two decades. Don’t get too carried away though: much of this was due to the economic downturn. It included an amazing 20% drop in emissions from the industrial and commercial sector. We actually have a realistic chance of meeting our Kyoto targets for 2012. There are some very exciting developments in green technology that could help Ireland recover from its current financial difficulties. We have an unprecedented opportunity to turn our system around and become a thriving lowcarbon economy. Enough wind blows over the Ireland to generate all of our electricity

releasingthis water through hydroelectric dams back into the sea. Some of the valleys are so big they could store enough energy to power the country for two and a half days.

It is vitally important that we become less dependent on oil. If we don’t, we can expect serious economic problems in years to come, as petrol and diesel prices go through the roof and just about everything becomes more expensive. Nearly all of our cars today are powered by petrol or diesel. Green Party minister Eamon Ryan recently secured a deal to bring electric cars to Ireland. Nissan will supply its five-seater LEAF hatch back in early 2011. Renault will launch its light commercial Kangaroo Z.E. later in the year, and its Fluence Z.E. in early 2012. Over 2,000 electric cars are expected to be on the roads this time next year. As part of the deal, the ESB is installing 3,500 charging points nationwide by December 2011. The government is also offering a €5,000 grant to anyone who buys an electric car. Eric Basset, managing director of Renault Ireland, explained: “Due to its relatively small size, Ireland is ideally suited for the introduction of electric vehicles and as a pilot for the rest of Europe. As the population of Ireland is predominantly centred around the major urban areas of Dublin, Cork, Limerick, Galway and Waterford, and with the average vehicle covering approximately 75 km per day, electric vehicles are ideally suited to address the every day needs of both private and business use.”

There’s another exciting development right here in Cork that could help millions of people worldwide to save money and cut their CO2 emissions. Avego is a software This is not an empty or unrealistic application that matches car drivers with vision. The group has researched its plan passengers who want to travel on the same extensively and demonstrated its viability. route. All a driver has to do is let the iPhone To make it work, our electricity grid needs App run. Avego notifies the driver whenever to be improved and dams need to be built someone nearby wants a lift. A passenger along the U-shaped valleys to contain the can book a ride any time using a computer water. We are one of the richest countries in or an internet enabled mobile phone. The the world in terms of wind energy potential ride is much cheaper than a taxi and the per person. The wind that blows over Ireland transaction is handled automatically by could be worth tens of billions of euros per the software. Headquartered in Kinsale, year, enough to pay off the Anglo debt in less Co. Cork, Avego has won some highly than 18 months. prestigious awards and is being piloted right here in UCC.

Current Affairs

It pays to keep the country divided jerry larkin explains how an infuential elite scare us into keeping the status quo.

n 2008, all that time ago, Fianna Fail still denied that the country was in a recession. Maybe they knew that because they have been in power for so long, they have no one else to blame (of course after the Wall Street crash we were told it was all Lehman Brothers’ fault). Then we were told that there would be a soft-landing. Then we were told that there would have to be a minor adjustment, and were sold the magical solution of the banking guarantee. In fact Sinn Fein, for all their posturing these days, comparing Labour to FF and FG, voted in favour of this act of economic stupidity - dare I say, treason.

Nearly €15,000,000,000 has now been cut from the economy in the last 4 budgets – a huge figure (remember Lenihan’s claim last Christmas that we had ‘turned the corner’?) Nearly €15,000,000,000 has now been cut from the economy in the last 4 budgets – a huge figure (remember Lenihan’s claim last Christmas that we had ‘turned the corner’?). Even more savage cuts have become apparantly, in the words of Friedman, ‘politically inevitable’. And what has this slashing of public expenditure actually achieved? Absolutely nothing – in fact, it has further deflated our economy. Unemployment has inevitably sky-rocketed from a lack of investment, while emigration has surged (unemployment would be half a million people without it). Yet the government still maintains that the vast majority of the shortfall will be made up in

cuts rather than by taxation. As the cliché says, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome. The reason our bond yields had been increasing at such a rate before the IMF stepped in was because investors know that a country needs to have a capacity to actually grow and pay back its debt – cutting everything just doesn’t work. Obama has been lambasted for investing in a stimulus package in the US, but this has reduced unemployment significantly, as has been the case for other countries in Europe. Why is our Government so afraid of seeing the obvious benefits of stimulus packages and the multiplier affect? I believe it is due to the belief of many individuals in the media, Government, the Department of Finance and Brussels in the ‘shock theory’ school of economics.

Unemployment has inevitably sky-rocketed from a lack of investment, while emigration has surged (unemployment would be half a million people without it). They ignore the real causes of this crisis – massive deregulation, poor governance, low taxes and huge dependance on construction, etc. How do we lower the deficit? Why of course, we have to privatise all productive State companies (recently outlined by Fine Gael in their policy document). We should keep taxes at their unrealistically low level, and we should lay off a sizable portion of the public service. But sure, why would the likes

of Sir Anthony O’ Reilly, Micheal O’ Leary or Denis O’ Brien want a more fair distribution of the pain in the Budget? As billionaires with an extensive influence in the media, they are able to manipulate opinion towards this ‘shock doctrine’ (to borrow the title of Naoimi Klein’s excellent book) – keep the people divided, keep the private sector pitted against the public sector, students versus the middle class, pensioners versus the rest of society – it is a divide and conquer strategy. A scorched earth policy, even.

Obama has been lambasted for investing in a stimulus package in the US, but this has reduced unemployment significantly... And while the vast majority of the media, and indeed society, ignore the real perpetrators of this crisis. These same people are able to espouse their shock and awe tactics to the public that had no hand in the making of it. Make no mistake, the likes of O’ Reilly are rubbing their hands in glee at this ‘opportunity’ to implement their selfserving idealogy on this whole country. We get multi-millionaires like Peter Sutherland (Chairman of the secretive Bilderberg Group and head of RBS when it had to be bailed out by the British Government) saying that the dole should be hit significantly, and Mike Soden (disgraced ex-CEO of Bank of Ireland who was sacked for looking up porn in his office) saying that college fees should be reintroduced. It is time that every Irish person stands up and realise the true intentions of these people, and groups like the IMF. They have a lot of impressive mathematical equations but most of them come down to this: Divided people = Increased Profit.

Letters to the Editor Equality should be our priority MadamThe November 2010 issue of Motley carried a piece by Sarah Slevin entitled Facing Financial Woe – Together. The article made a number of assertions that are only approached from a right-wing perspective. Ms. Slevin contends that it “could hardly be deemed unreasonable” to introduce a water tax. Water being necessary for human life, does Ms. Slevin not think that water should provided for free, as a human right, rather than being treated as a commodity? Is Ms. Slevin aware that Ireland loses massive amounts of treated water because of our antiquitated and inadequate piping? Here in Cork, we lose over half of our treated water. Would fixing this problem not be a more effective way of tackling water consumption? Yes, if we are to upgrade our water infrastructure we will incur massive costs, but Ms Slevin already recognises that installing water meters into every home in Ireland would also be extremely costly. The reason that a taxation would be regressive is because it would disproportionally punish the less well off. Ms Slevin goes on to suggest that spending cuts are preferable to increases in taxation. That depends on one’s point of view. Spending cuts hit the less well off in our society hard because those are the people most reliant on public services. Ms Slevin may be unaware that our taxation system is in need of a massive structural overhaul, as we became too reliant on taxes relating to property transactions. Recession or not, the construction bubble has burst and this needs to be addressed. Slashing spending is not a sustainable solution. In 2008, Ireland’s tax-to-GDP ratio was the second-lowest in the Eurozone. Ireland’s level of taxation on incomes is the fourth-lowest in the OECD. Ms Slevin seems to be advocating the American way - low taxes and negligable public services - without considering the alternative. That alternative is the model adopted by our European partners whereby citizens pay more taxes in a progressive structure and the State provides essential services of excellent quality. This results in a more equal society. Research has shown that almost everything - from life expectancy to depression levels, violence to illiteracy - is affected not by how wealthy a society is, but how equal it is. Ms. Slevin goes on to claim that trade unions need to wake up to the “unsavoury scenario” that we are in. I would suggest that considering the massive reductions in pay that public sector workers have suffered, members of trade unions are all too aware of the economic crisis ravaging the country. In the final section of her piece, Ms Slevin poses the question “Should we focus on creating jobs, or is it necessary to revive the economy as a whole?” But why would these two factors be mutually exclusive? Does Ms. Slevin not realise that fixing the jobs crisis means fixing the economic crisis? This is a lesson that our government does not seem to have learned, so maybe it is unreasonable to expect the author to understand. The Orwellian-styled Department of Social Protection now accounts for 38% of current government spending. We need to start addressing the unemployment crisis (and don’t let anyone tell you that it is not a crisis; a silent crisis, maybe, but a crisis nonetheless). We’re not going to do that by slashing social welfare benefits- that will only push more people into buying one-way tickets out of the country and it won’t create a single job; on the contrary, it will depress the economy further and cost more people their jobs. Yours etc, Dean Duke Policy Officer, Labour UCC National Policy Officer, Labour Youth

Let’s not forget the real Africa

gill carter

side of South Africa during the World Cup? The country with townships, poverty, crime and HIV? It is estimated that during the period of the World Cup alone, 4,500 babies would have been born HIV-positive, 30,000 adults infected and over the space of those 31 days, and 22,500 people dead from AIDS-related illnesses.

In early June, when college exams had just ended, students had gone home to become procrastinating sloths with no exams or study to worry about (until results were out that is!), the weather without fail was relatively crap and the question of what to do for the summer loomed achingly on everyone’s mind. But amongst all this dullness and monotony lay something beautiful; the 2010 FIFA World Cup. It was the answer to many people’s prayers, providing day-time entertainment with matches and night-time celebrations for when France were (inevitably) knocked out. 31 days of soccer bliss, 6,000 minutes of magic and 3 million tickets... legendary! This year, the World Cup was particularly special. Being in Africa, this meant more than just an economy and tourism boost: it meant proving to the World that the nation was capable of holding one of the its biggest events. It certainly did that; we got sensational soccer, booming vuvuzelas, a Waka Waka hip-dislocating Shakira anthem and more. But the question ought to be asked; did we see the other

The figures are deplorable, but this isn’t a guilt trip. Although we can’t save those who are already gone, we can open our eyes and try prevent it happening to others. We can spread awareness and learn the true facts about HIV. World AIDS Day takes place this month, and there are a variety of events both on campus and in Cork and Ireland generally to mark the occassion. Africa’s hosting of the World Cup was a triumph. They gave us a spectacle to remember and now it’s our duty to give back and say thank you. It’s time to get wise, get aware and get talking about the truth behind HIV/AIDS. This one’s for Africa.

Current Affairs

sean ó sé reflects on the retirement of cork hurling’s greatest, and most controversial, figures.

he exclusion of Seán Óg Ó hAilpín from the Cork panel for the inter county league and championship was surprising to many. Not because a player who has given so many years to his county will be hanging up his boots and calling it a day, but because of the manner in which his departure from the panel took place. In a statement released through the Gaelic Players Association, Ó hAilpín said: “I met with the Cork hurling manager, Denis Walsh, where he informed me that I was not in his plans for the Cork Hurling Panel. I would love to continue to play for Cork, but I must respect the manager’s decision in this regard. I will however keep playing with my club Na Piarsaigh. I would like to thank all the players who I played with over my fourteen year career. I have always taken immense pride in wearing the Cork jersey and representing the county I love (...) Corcaigh abú.”

“I met with the Cork hurling manager, Denis Walsh, where he informed me that I was not in his plans for the Cork Hurling Panel....” What is interesting from this statement is that Ó hAilpín’s retirement seems to have been pushed on him rather then being instigated by the man himself. Usually when a player retires from inter-county level it will be on the their own terms. A player who is getting on in years or who is spending too many games on the benches will often realise that it is time to go. Yet from the above statement, it appears that he had no

intention to leave and was surprised by Cork manager Denis Walsh’s decision. Ó hAilpín is clearly of the opinion that he did not retire willingly but rather the decision was made for him.

“I wouldn’t have much Irish myself but that was incredible for a fella coming from Fiji, and it really summed him up.”

of 2002. It was bitterly fought, but public support was on the side of the players and the board gave way to the demands of the players. This did not put matters to bed, however, and history repeated itself in 2008/2009. This second strike divided public opinion in Cork. Many believed that the players were going too far in their demands and that they should leave the manager and the county board do their job. Others maintained that the hurlers were right to strike in their fight for fair treatment. It’s still a contentious topic in Cork, with some believing that Ó hAilpín’s retirement is a chance for hurling to move on, while other see it as a local hero being betrayed.

Seán Óg made his inter-county debut for Cork in 1996. For the past fourteen years he has been a key player on a side that has had some great victories. Playing at wing back, he became part of a famous Cork defense Micheál Ó Muircheartaigh, that included hurlers such as Diarmuid ‘The sums up what Ó hAilpín Rock’ O’Sullivan. Since coming on in the represented in the Munster Championship in 1996, he has only GAA: “his father’s from missed one championship game at interFermanagh, his mother is county level, which is an amazing feat. He from Fiji, neither a hurling was also a very important member of the stronghold” Cork senior football team for a period during One fact that no Cork citizen, nor any the 1990s, playing in both the 1999 hurling GAA fan in the country, will deny is that and football finals. Seán Óg Ó hAilpín was one of the greatest players to ever grace the hallowed ground He went on to win All-Ireland medals in of Croke Park. Aside from his involvement 1999, 2004, and memorably in 2005 when in the players strike, he has be thoroughly he captained the side and made a famous respected by fellow players and fans of the speech in Irish after being presented with sport. He has been a fantastic representative, the Liam McCarthy Cup. Dan Shanahan has not only of GAA but of an Irish identity remarked that “I wouldn’t have much Irish for a rapidly-changing country. A famous myself but that was incredible for a fella coming from Fiji, and it really summed him quote from an equally-famous broadcaster, Micheál Ó Muircheartaigh, sums up what Ó up.” hAilpín represented in the GAA: “his father’s Yet Ó hAilpín’s career has also been sullied from Fermanagh, his mother is from Fiji, by strikes and feuds with the county board, neither a hurling stronghold”. Without the first of which occurred in the winter doubt he will be missed by rebel and nonrebel alike.

Movie Previews

Entertainments

Kellie Morrissey

entertainments@motley.ie

kellie morrissey reveals what filmy goodness lies in wait in your stockings this christmas.

TRON: LEGACY © Disney

Director:

Joseph Kosinski

Starring:

Jeff Bridges, Bruce Boxleitner, Garrett Hedlund

Release date:

17/12

It’s every nerd’s dream. To be assimilated into a computer system, live within the con straints of badly CGIed-circuits and networks and play gladiatorial cyber games in order to escape. Am I right? Wrong? Well, maybe so, but I know I’m mega excited for the new Tron: Legacy which is gearing up to be the Christmas movie this year.

An odd one for Christmas, maybe, especially in the spot where a year ago Avatar triumphed, but T:L sports John Hurt and Jeff Bridges among its cast and has a deliciously digital sound track by Daft Punk. While the original’s graphics were, as mentioned above, pretty bad, the intervening years have brought a mass of changes in the CGI department and trailers for T:L depict a dark, sexy, sleek landscape of gloomy shadows and glowing circuits. It almost looks… spooky.

It’s been nearly thirty years since the release of the first Tron, a Disney picture which has since garnered a cult following and is unique in so many ways: it is very much singular in its setting, its plot and story. “It’s basically a story about a son’s search for his father,” says Jeff Bridges, reprising his original role as Kevin Flynn. True, the gap between computers and humanity (so gaping, so mysterious in 1982) has closed up quite a bit, and a rather more hu man story lays in wait this Christmas.

BURLESQUE

Director:

Steve Antin

Starring:

Christina Aguilera, Cher, Alan Cumming, Stanley Tucci

Release date:

17/12

Man, this looks bad. Soz, Christina, but it does - sort of as though it were choreographed by the flayed corpse of Bob Fosse and directed by that guy who made Glitter – another mindless vehicle for another mindless diva, Mariah Carey. Mariah went on to redeem herself in the galling Precious – Christina, however, has done nothing much of interest in a few years. Except bitch out Lady Gaga, but hey.

Burlesque purports to tell the story of a small town girl making it big in a cabaret show. That’s it – there’s nothing more. Trailers for Burlesque look like rejected applications for Michael Bay’s version of Chicago, with Christina channelling Roxie Hart as hard as she can. It does, however, also feature two of my favourite men in acting today – Alan Cumming and Stanley Tucci. Tucci, in particular, has given us astounding performances in mediocre films (The Lovely Bones, Julie & Julia). Maybe it won’t be so bad.

An amalgamation of several different musicals, the musical theatre equivalent of a Cross roads-style plotline and starring two incredibly expressionless women whose faces I am surprised to find did not melt under all that lighting, Burlesque, I fear, will prove a fun piece of fluff. But never say never…

Previews

LITTLE FOCKERS

Director:

Paul Weitz

Starring: Release date:

Ben Stiller, Robert de Niro, Blythe Danner, Barbra Streisand, Dustin Hoffman 22/12 Upcoming movie Little Fockers deals with “themes of death and divorce and all these real things that as we get older, we start to think about, but in a really comical way,” according to its writer, John Hamburg. Just as its predecessors dealt with themes of ethnic identity and marriage, I fear. The original Meet the Parents was a funny movie - perhaps not amazingly so, but still - pretty good. The first sequel was also decently funny: is there anything to suggest that the third movie in the Focker franchise may not follow suit? Well, the joke is getting a little tired now – and sequels do tend to get progressively worse. It’ll probably do well as a Christmas movie, and though trailers so far have looked a little dire, with its stellar cast, Little Fockers may well be worth a watch. Even if you have to wait for the DVD release.

Also coming in December THE TOURIST

THE WAY BACK

Release date: 10/12

Release date: 26/12

Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie - two people who defy the laws of, like, physics, in order to be as pretty as they are – are finally in a movie together. That’s worth your admission price alone, kids. To boot, it’s got an interesting plotline – a gangster’s former moll ensnares a tourist in order to mislead those following her exbeau - a gorgeous setting, and Paul Bettany, who I would personally take over Mr. Depp any day. It’ll be nice to see Depp redeem himself from 2010’s Alice in Wonderland, and director von Donnersmarck won a slew of awards for his film, The Lives of Others. The Tourist looks promising.

Oh, baby… © Paramount Pictures

Featured poster of the month

Peter Weir is a hero. I love this guy - who else has delivered time and again with consistently awesome movies? Picnic at Hanging Rock, Gallipoli, The Truman Show, Dead Poet’s Society – this man knows how to direct a goddamn movie. This is why The Way Back, a movie about an escape from a Siberian gulag during WWII, will probably be similarly excellent. Despite a pretty boring poster, with Ed Harris and Colin Farrell in starring roles, The Way Back is likely to be a little bit gruelling and a little bit awesome.

MEGAMIND Release date: 3/12

LOVE & OTHER DRUGS Release date: 31/12 The trailer for Love and Other Drugs features my favourite Cure song ever and it’s about a love story which features the launch of Viagra (kinda). Sold. Well, nearly: I’ve got a nagging feeling this one isn’t going to be stellar - it looks a little like a more grown up, less indie (500) Days of Summer - but Anne Hathaway and Jake Gyllenhaal look like a real couple and I like that.

Megamind is advertised as being from “the minds behind Shrek” – not something to be entirely proud of anymore, I think, but still, this looks to be pretty fun. This recent run of kids’ movies focusing on villains is a little bit interesting, and Will Ferrell remains a guilty pleasure for me even after all the mediocrity which came after Anchorman. I probably won’t set out to see it - but with Jonah Hill, Brad Pitt and Tina Fey also voicing its characters, I can see that many will.

why are polish film posters so much cooler than their western counterparts? check out this beauty for roman polanski’s chiller rosemary’s baby - so much spookier than its predecessor, and that bit more chic too…

Reviews

John Murphy

Harry Potter and the De thly H llows: Part 1

Potter versus Voldemort – Round 7 *ring ring* john murphy casually spends a day in the wizarding world where the dark lord is… well... spreading darkness… As muggles (non-magic folk), our journey to the wizarding realm of Mr. Harry James Potter is always a highly-anticipated occasion. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1 certainly doesn’t disappoint, but this time there is a difference: the familiar trio are plunged into the darkest world they have ever faced, and it is growing darker by the day. Voldemort’s strength and influence has multiplied: he has taken over Hogwarts, the Ministry of Magic is subject to his every whim, and the army of wizards and witches at his command has expanded (from both fear and respect). He is, naturally, determined to kill Harry Potter (a.k.a. ‘the Boy Who Lived’), but he also has a hidden agenda: Voldemort is seeking something. What is it? I can tell you that (to the best of my knowledge) he isn’t looking for a wig, a prosthetic nose, a new robe, or make-up… Harry leaves No. 4 Privet Drive for the last time, Hermione Granger takes measures to ensure that her parents will never be in danger of having a muggle-born wizard, and Ronald Weasley departs from his loving family – our once fresh-faced trio face the big bad wizarding world. Alone. Their task? To pursue, and destroy, the remaining Horcruxes (pieces of Voldemort’s soul) in the hope of finally defeating the Dark Lord. There have been two frequent complaints regarding the Harry Potter series of films: the first is its relationship to the book. More so than its predecessors, HP7 is extremely faithful to the book. Those who haven’t read (and even refuse to read) J.K. Rowling’s books may have trouble understanding some sub-plots and concepts, and miss

out on each character’s development which are each intricately explored throughout the seven Harry Potter books. Feel cut off from the full Potter experience? Luckily, I have just the remedy for that: buy them or go to your local library; some of them are even in the Boole Library on campus (betcha didn’t know that!). The ‘noticeable length’ of the previous six movies has also been criticised – not this time. In theory, some of HP7’s scenes would seem slow-moving, but neither the length nor the pace disappoints: a darkly enriching script, notable performances, and a poignant (and often breathtaking) soundtrack, each provide a riveting experience for the penultimate Harry Potter film. Without divulging too much, the film ends with Harry in a vulnerable, fragile state of mind, while Voldemort is triumphant in an endeavour. This sets-up the audience for the second instalment of The Deathly Hallows, due to be released the 15th of July 2011 – in 2D, IMAX, and 3D! Let’s hope they deliver a stupefying 3D experience for what will be geared-up to be the most-anticipated of all the Harry Potter films (a host of disappointed Potter fans would not be a pleasant sight for any to behold). What have we got to look forward to in the next film? A visit to Gringotts Bank, the identity of the eye seen in the shard that Harry owns will be revealed, and (most exciting of all) the ‘Battle of Hogwarts’ with a showdown between Voldemort and Harry. Will the trio find the remaining Horcruxes and destroy them? What are the Deathly Hallows and do they truly exist? Deathly Hallows Part 1 partially answers these questions, but Part 2 will be the most revealing and the most exhilarating of all the films. Anyone up for a trip to Hogwarts for the best (and most lifeendangering) front-row seats you will ever have? I certainly am.

The Kids Are All Right Adam Dinan considers if The Kids Are really All Right It’s difficult to leave The Kids Are All Right not feeling somewhat underwhelmed. It’s a film with an intriguing plot backed up by an experienced cast; veterans Annette Benning and Julianne More effortlessly slot into the roles of a married couple raising two children, played by Mia Wasikowska and Josh Hutcherson. Reaching an inquisitive and independent stage in their teens, the kids decide to find their biological father: a middle-aged, fun-loving, and easygoing guy named Paul (Mark Ruffalo). What ensues seems like it’s been repeated a million times in clichéd drama — the boy and girl grow attached to their father, who begins to see them more regularly, before inadvertently falling for their mother. Cue mid-life crisis and potential marriage break-up. It doesn’t seem like particularly unfamiliar territory. Actually, the only real anomaly to cinematic and cultural norms here is that the story centres on a lesbian couple rather than a heterosexual one.

But this isn’t something to be underestimated. In fact, the power of Lisa Cholodenko’s script lies precisely in the prosaic, everyday nature of the events onscreen. Despite what our gut instincts shout at us, we really haven’t seen this play out before. We haven’t been exposed to the confusion about sexuality; the interaction of the children with their (same-sex) parents and school friends; the unease at the suggestion that one of these children may in turn be homosexual. It might seem disappointing, but if we take this film seriously we’re forced to admit that the central thrust of the story simply must be ordinary if it’s to achieve anything. If it were otherwise, it would be far less successful at humanising the relationships it analyses and at normalising a set of all-too-prevalent social taboos. This is exactly what it does so well. The end product is a film that is both radical and conventional; ordinary and extraordinary. It’s a cultural statement in bubble wrapping.

Entertainments

Twilight, eat your heart out daniel kiniry is a man who knows

his vampire romances

et the Right One In is a vampire love story quite dissimilar from other, more popular stories around at the moment. For one, this vampire has no real problem violently murdering human beings. For another, she’s twelve, so as you can imagine the ‘eye candy’ appeal of certain other vampire movies is not quite in this story. Also it’s Swedish. Damn Swedes.

normal in the American version. You don’t get why he’d follow this girl to such a dark place, even with his loneliness.

The vampire girl (Abby - US; Eli Swedish) is pretty much the same. She’s a lot more carefree and kind in the American version, which makes why she gravitates towards the boy, and vice versa, all the more understandable. At the same time, she’s just not as interesting. What made It’s quite a spellbinding movie: the her so fascinating in the Swedish version visuals are amazing, the atmosphere is so dense you can almost touch it, the characters is just how unpredictable her character was. She was cold, violent and completely are well rounded and extremely interesting self-serving, yet seemed to possess some and the acting is above and beyond what you would expect from a low budget movie, semblance of love for the boy. In the Swedish version, you didn’t know why she loved especially one with two child actors as the this boy, be it for her own selfish needs or leads (who are incredible, might I add). for something more unconditional. It’s It’s one of the most unique, interesting, entertaining and downright beautiful films I made a lot more apparent and romantic have had the pleasure to revisit thanks to the in the American version, which kills a lot UCC Film Society recently on the big screen. of the ambiguity of the characters and their relationships and makes it a lot more It should never be looked down upon for its conventional and uninteresting, at least in quite conventional premise thanks to other my opinion. films in this ilk. So, yeah, I love this film. So when I heard there was going to be an American remake, you could’ve probably used my blood to boil your tea. That being said, I went to see Let Me In and it wasn’t actually that bad a movie. It did, however, make a few deviations from the other movie that I actually found quite interesting, after hearing about it being a shot-for-shot remake (though there are bits taken directly from the Swedish version). With that said, I’d like to go through my opinions on what they got right in the remake and what they didn’t. First of all, the characters are pretty varied. Believe it or not, I actually prefer the little boy in the American version (Owen in Let Me In, Oskar in Let the Right One In). He just seems a lot more innocent and well-adjusted, despite the abuse he gets from home. Despite how sympathetic and understanding they make the Swedish boy, he was just a little too creepy for my liking, and anyone else who has watched the movie. Problem here is that he seems a little too…

A lot of plot elements are changed, as well. The relationship between the boy and his mother is a lot more emphasized, which I actually really liked, but again gives the films problems later on which I can’t get into without spoiling the ending. The bullies are made a lot less threatening and more normal, particularly the main bully. While I do like that they had him pick on other kids, not just the lead boy, they took away a lot of his menace and almost psychotic tendencies that made him such a negative force in the movie.

techniques. The American version, possibly with a bigger budget, does do its best to make the film look creepy. It’s well lit, and seeped in shadows and dark angles that really create a sense of dread. The Swedish version managed to do that too, however. Mostly shooting it completely stark and mundanely to make you feel how uncomfortable that these abnormal things are being set in a normal setting. It also helps that the violence is mostly shot away from the camera, compared to the excess of gore in comparison to its American counterpart. This, in my humble opinion, is a lot more unsettling, never really knowing what is happening and leaving most of it to your imagination, which is always a place people create their worst fears. Finally, the pacing of both films couldn’t be more different. The American version is extremely well paced; staying on a moment just enough to have it make impact to the story. The Swedish version is very slow, meandering and seems to wait on a moment forever. You would think this would give the American version an advantage, but frankly, I find the Swedish version works a lot better. You really get a sense of a real environment in the Swedish one, which is a lot more unsettling and gets you invested in the characters and their relationships a lot easier. Also, when something does happen, it really leaves a mark rather than the quick moving action bits in the American version.

It may sound like I’m picking on the American version, but I’m not. I really did Because of this, the boy’s isolation are a lot enjoy it, and would recommend it to people as it is a good movie that stands on its own. less understandable and actions later on in Alas, however, there is no comparison in my the movie lose a lot of their power. Also the neighbours of the apartment complex where mind: the Swedish version is far superior. It’s better written, better directed, with amazing most of the movie is set are relegated to the atmosphere and characters and probably one background, and inexplicably replaced by a of the more unique relationships I’ve ever police detective. Not only is this extremely clichéd, the character himself is never really seen in a movie. I recommend you to watch the American version. I’d nearly demand played beyond that clichéd, and therefore you to watch the Swedish version - it’s truly is not very interesting. Thankfully, his an experience to match any other vampire presence is limited in the film. Finally, I want to talk about the cinematic romances around. Who knows, it might be even better!

many people’s favourite movies at christmas are those which remind them of their childhood. with that in mind, big, grown-up, cynical film students chris redmond and mary crowley sat down to watch home alone and miracle on 34th street and were transported back in time…

Anybody home? chris redmond waxes lyrical about that most christmassy of movies - home alone Nostalgia is a funny thing for a film student. It can make one feel everso-gooey on the inside, and is equally capable of suppressing your cynicism to the point of total disregard for your academic snobbery. Nowhere is this more apparent than when watching old Christmas movies. Everyone has a favourite festive film – The Sound of Music, perhaps? It’s a Wonderful Life, maybe? For me, it’s a less obvious one very poignant message about the importance of childhood imagination, and its subtle satire on Christmas consumerism appears – Home Alone. stunningly accurate 60 years later. Last weekend, I watched the first two Home Alones in front of the Home Alone is far more heavy-handed, but this matters little fire on a cold afternoon, and in doing so I realised a couple of things. First of all, I don’t think they’ve aged particularly well; awkward when shots of old Talkboys and Sony alarm clocks recall some of the moments of sentimentality are merged with some gratuitously and delightfully random fascinations of my childhood. Furthermore, any weirdly violent prat-falls. Culkin’s performance is pretty overrated film with a John Williams musical score will always be lifted above and his family are, well, thoroughly detestable. Secondly, and I think the mundane. One also has to smile when the movie finishes with Joe this is more pertinent, the films’ flaws are glossed over by that great Pesci having uttered not a single cuss word for the 90-minute running time, especially when getting shot in the crotch with a BB gun while old thing called nostalgia. trying to break into the house! Interestingly, I don’t remember feeling I first saw the movie when I was 4 years old and it’s one of my earliest envious of the McCallisters’ trophy house when I was a kid… memories. It made an impact - a major one. I don’t credit it with my As a seasonal film Home Alone brings us film geeks back to a stage love for the medium 18 years later, but I saw Home Alone before I saw when shooting toy soldiers down a laundry chute meant far more Goodfellas and Pulp Fiction. And believe me, ratings were never an than the efficacy of the tracking shot to enhance the fluidity of a issue in my house; I first watched David Lynch’s Wild at Heart when scene. I think we should be grateful that we still possess the power of I was 6 years old! Some Christmas movies have stood the test of time nostalgia to cling to these most precious moments of youth. surprisingly well. The original Miracle on 34th Street still carries a

Candy canes and silver lanes aglow mary crowley wonders how the home alone kid got lost or left behind two years running… “It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas” as the song says; what the song does not refer to is the fact Christmas now seems to be beginning around September. However, despite what Christmas has become or what it will be in the future, it is incredible how easy it is to bring yourself back to your childhood by watching one of the many classic yuletide films. As a child I loved to spend an afternoon Alone certainly did this for me as I remembered the joy of having watching films such as the Home Alone series (not including 3 and 4 school holidays and waiting in anticipation for the arrival of Santa! of course!) or Miracle on 34th Street as these films were a distinct sign In my opinion, the most nostalgic Christmas film is Miracle on 34th that Christmas was on the way! Street (1947). This is effective to everyone, even if you did not watch However, when we look back on these films as an adult we see them it as a child. The magic of a child’s innocence at Christmas is the in a new light. A great example of this is the Home Alone films. After most prominent theme of the film and it captures the true mystery of recently watching Home Alone 1 and 2, I did not have the same ideas Christmas wishes and miracles. The film works well from an adult’s of the film I had as a child. As an adult, I wondered why anybody perspective with the presence of a romantic story and the meeting of would forget their child, particularly the youngest one, and why they the two ideas makes Miracle on 34th Street a fantastic film for all ages. would then lose the same child exactly one year after the previous In fact, the 1947 theatrical trailer for the film described it as a film which “has everything”: it is funny, charming, romantic, tender and catastrophe? much more. While all this seemed ridiculous, the happy ending which sees This year, during your holidays, I recommend that you take an Kevin reunited with his mother (the only member of his family who afternoon or evening to watch a good Christmas classic to bring you seems to even like him!) brought back the warm, fuzzy feelings of my back to your childhood days and reintroduce yourself to the magic we childhood at Christmas time. Films that have a nostalgic effect on us all felt was the biggest part of Christmas. are very powerful and have the ability to instantly snap us back to a time in our life we may not have dwelled on for some time. Home

Music

Entertainments

kevin curran catches up with the latter half of the english hip hop duo, dan le sac vs scroobius pip about books, albums, beards and who in british politics would win in a fight. statements about the decline of modern culture. Pip often puts raw emotion out there but he declares that it is a natural progression. “That’s the only way I know how to write really, talking about things that interest me is the only way I can write. I generally take something that is a genuine experience that happened to me and make a story out of it, I have to take those emotions, truth and feelings and make a new story out of them.” Despite the somewhat odd style of dan le sac Vs Scroobius Pip the duo have enjoyed chart success in England with both of their albums and with singles such as “Thou Shalt Always Kill”. Scroobius Pip enjoys this paradoxical situation he finds himself in where songs he writes giving out about popular culture becoming popular. “For me the more people listening the better. If we are making music the way we want to make it and it goes to number 1 then that’s great. That means people are getting it and taking it in so that would be great! We wouldn’t change the way we write or the things we talk about to chase commercial success. If it happens organically then it happens.”

2010 has been a busy year for DLS Vs SP with the release of their second album “The Logic of Chance” in March the duo played over 40 festival dates over the summer and have been constantly touring ever since and just finished their tour last week in Ireland with sell out dates in Cork, Galway and Dublin. From the start Pip admits that Ireland is left to last on the tour for a reason. “Electric Picnic was a highlight of festivals we played and we always look forward to playing here (Ireland). . . It’s not by accident that we are ending our tour in Ireland, we’re getting a great reaction here .There has always been a great reaction to our stuff here. Our Dublin show sold out so we added an extra date.” Not one to stay idle Pip also released a book of spoken word poetry at the same time as the album however he is aware where his priorities lie. “Last few months have probably been more about the band but we did have the book available at our shows. I did a few signings in book shops as well so it’s been all good really. Two or three of the poems in the book are incorporated into our set. There’s a few in there that we play live so it’s all merged together really it’s not a case of one or the other.” For those unfamiliar with the band you may find it peculiar that a rapper is releasing a book of poetry however the band’s music has been likened to spoken word poetry set to hip hop, conversely it wasn’t all Yeats and Donne for Pip as a child. “I started off listening to punk, to bands like The Clash, Rancid, Crass and Minor Threat. Then I got into Hip Hop and progressed from there.” Although his music today is different he still sees a link “I think the attitude, the style and the subject that I write about comes from a punk background.” It is this environment that makes Pip uneasy about being called a poet in the traditional sense. “I grew up loving music. I was into music long before I was into spoken word poetry. I always had the two in mind together so in my mind there is no need to separate them.” When I likened his themes to that of T.S. Eliot he again restated how he only fell in to poetry and never had grounding in it. “I have always been far more interested in music. It was through Hip Hop that I got into people like Gill Scott Heron, Sage Francis and Saul Williams who were combining spoken word and Hip Hop. It all just came together in that way for me. I haven’t had a great learning in poetry. That’s why I chose to do the book the way I did to get people like me who grew up away from poetry and trying to get them to read it by putting it in a more appealing way”. With the identification of a punk underbelly in their band it is easy to see where the bands social commentary style comes from. The content of their songs are often personal introspection or

Not to end juxtapositions, this well spoken bard is an avid fan of the Ultimate Fighting Championship (UFC) and often appears on Setanta Sport talking about it. The question was posed as to which famous figures he would like to see duke it out in the octagon however there were too many options for him so the remit was shortened it to British Political leaders “Well if Brown was still there it would be no contest, you’d have to have money on him…not very agile and sneaky but a lot of girth. I think Nick Clegg would be the obvious choice out of the current lot, he seems to be the most sprightly and conditioned. Millaband actually looks like he could bring some BJJ (Brazilian Jiu Jitsu) to the table so he could have the advantage there. Cameron would probably take a wrench out from under the stage or get his butler to knock his opponent down with his Bentley and get disqualified.” With unimportant matters out of the way it was time to talk serious issues: the beard! Questioned as to whether he could remember his face Pip was unsure “It is somewhere but I don’t think people would recognise me if I walked down the street. It is under there somewhere but at some point I will shave it off and be like ‘Wow there I am!’ but until then I will hide behind it.” As we parted Pip was willing to share the specific techniques involved in maintaining a quality beard “I don’t stumble upon a beard like this by accident! I use a rub in conditioner every day... make it nice and soft and thicken it up a bit...there is a level effort and technique that goes it into to this thing. It doesn’t prop up like this by itself ! It takes a bit of coaxing.”

criminals of cringe fiona burke runs through music’s most annoying artists. westlife: I’m all for supporting the home team, but if I see Westlife demonstrate their ability to stand up from a chair one more time I will be tempted to kneecap one of them. Don’t get me wrong, they seem like nice guys and all but the climatic, ever predictable, key change format really grinds my gears (as Peter Griffin would say).

willow smith: I’m finding it hard to fathom that I can go into an over 21s club and hear a nine year old’s single playing. JLS: They have some catchy songs but I cannot forgive their responsibility for turning straight men into V Neck wearing, ankle scooter: Another consistent dropper of his own name! I suggest boot strutting poseurs… it borders on cross dressing. That teamed giving up music and looking for a part in a Dan Brown movie with dance routines worthy of a ‘Phones 4 U’ advert gain them a spot adaptation... Silas ain’t got sh*t on him! on my most annoying artists list. u2: A certain Bill Bailey sketch comes to mind… (http://www. the wanted: The name is bad enough but their song “All Time youtube.com/watch?v=H6Go2DK9VtQ). Sure, you have to be proud Low” forced me to exercise a more advanced fitness regime that I such a massive band came from Ireland but I can’t help but think would like, considering my sporadic and epic dives for the remote to that South Park’s portrayal of Bono was quite accurate! change the channel when it came on. rihanna: I’ve heard less monotone droning from mammoth, David Guetta: Over the summer it was difficult to find any tune he secondary school science teachers. hadn’t featured on! I was starting to think there was a David Guetta shane ward: Your abs say yes but everything else screams no! version of Where’s Wally? on my TV. For example, being able to sing like you haven’t reached puberty tinnie tempah: I like his songs but my God his ego could dwarf is not an asset worthy of praise. Neither is contracting lyrics as Kanye West’s. grammatically incorrect as “I’m gonna saint your mother just for n-dubz: WHY?? They are just so awful! And please Dappy (whatever giving you birth”. kind of Gangsta name that is), when a trend doesn’t work out for you the glee cast: Guilty of producing a whole host of painful covers (i.e. that god forsaken lopsided winter hat) just give up on it! which all sound the same. jason derulo: Love the hits but why must you consistently remind travis mccoy: Destroyer of Supergrass! And King of irritating us of your name at the start of every song? You’re doing pretty well facial expressions for no apparent reason. now love, we know who you are, you can stop with the less than Thus concludes my rant on annoying artists. Here’s hoping none of concealed attempt at subliminal messaging. these CD’s end up in your Xmas stockings! Merry Christmas! pixie lott: Possibly the only person who has expressions that static without Botox. Her music is equally as invariable.

Pinkerton Revisited adam el araby gives the deluxe edition of weezer’s pinkerton a spin. It was never going to be easy for Weezer to follow their platinum-selling, selftitled debut but, upon its release in 1996, its successor Pinkerton was a resounding critical and commercial disaster. Throwing out the catchy riffs and power pop of The Blue Album in favour of a darker, more introverted lyrical style, Pinkerton alienated Weezer’s fans and cast the band into the wilderness for the following five years. However, Pinkerton’s reputation began to grow over time as new listeners discovered its raw sound and by the end of the last century it had come to be seen as one of the greatest albums of the decade. Primarily written by frontman Rivers Cuomo while he studied at Harvard, Pinkerton’s tracks paint a vivid portrait of the troubled mind of someone struggling to adjust to a normal life following the debaucheries of fame. Titles like Tired of

Sex and Why Bother? offer an insight into his conflicted psyche, his frustration with casual sexual encounters and his desire for more meaningful romantic relationships. On The Good Life, we see him at his most selfloathing, resenting his physical limitations and yearning for a return to better times. El Scorcho elegantly encapsulates the motivation behind the entire album in the lines “How stupid is it // I can’t talk about it // I gotta sing about it // And make a record of my heart”. The plaintive honesty in its angst and anguish lends it a cathartic appeal that resonates as strongly today as it did 15 years ago. Weezer’s subsequent offerings may have disappointed but Pinkerton still feels fresh. Alongside the original album, this re-issue includes 25 bonus tracks. Weezer completionists will be satisfied by the inclusion of the seven B-Sides from the original single releases. There are also 16

alternate versions of tracks from the album including excellent acoustic versions of The Good Life and El Scorcho, and a selection of slightly muffled live performances from the 1996 Reading Festival. Two new songs have been recovered for this edition, I Swear It’s True, which has previously only been heard in leaked demo tapes and Tragic Girl, a track that has lain forgotten since the original Pinkerton recording sessions. The Pinkerton Deluxe Edition is a fitting tribute to an album that was criminally underrated for too long. If you have yet to experience Weezer at the height of their musical powers, do yourself a favour and pick this up.

Christmas Tunes dear? Meh. Just give me the beer! joan morrissey explores her cynical (and slightly mystical) side There’s nothing like a depression session to get you in the festive mood. Baa humbug. If you would prefer to drill large screws into your temples than listen to regurgitated, repeated Christmas tunes and poxy old number ones that will continue to plague us like Shakin’ Steven’s bad buzz of snow everywhere during a merry Christmas, may I suggest some alternatives? The Christmas songs I want to unabashedly promote are the delectable Lisa Hannigan’s version of “Silent Night” and Bell X1’s “Rocky Took a Lover”.

on their way to Bethlehem. Historical artifact monuments like Newgrange indicate knowledge of the constellations and orbital movement above and around us; for the sake of this article, we shall assume the band are merely addressing rather than critiquing the idea of following a dot in the sky to meet some random baby in a hay barn. The song does however raise the existential question of karma, and the evolutionary genius of natural selection that has allowed karma to regulate our posterior “I don’t believe in any old Jesus, if there was a god then why is my arse the perfect height for kicking?”. Albeit, the band once admitted that this song was inspired mid-peep out their back kitchen window. They were watching a homeless man who was staying in their backyard, having a conversation with a lady, the morning after the night before, and their hypothesis of what the conversation would be about.

It actually vexes me that young teenage girls are more enthused by the likes of Jedward, than the less self-promoting former beau of Damien Rice. YouTube “Silent Nightby Lisa Hannigan”– it is, quite simply, hauntingly beautiful. It was originally a ghost track on Damien’s album, O. I would love to hear this on the radio during the season of merriment. Lisa sings acapella, adding to the feeling of desolate isolation that resonates from such an angelic voice. This has surely got to be a more realistic and genuinely holistic, human experience than the anti-climatic, over-hyped disappointment that is (as Bart once wisely remarked), “Santa’s birthday”. No, it’s not a happy tune – but whoever said Christmas had to be represented by It’s the supposed season of goodwill, so can we please save a thought a singular dimension of human emotion when we should aspire to for the misfortunate begrudgers like myself who are driven demented encompass the kaleidoscope of human experience? by unimaginative manufactured crap resounding from every The commercial world may have tarnished my other musical subwoofer? There are a lot more artistically significant, seasonally representation of Christmas. Another Irish song, this band also once relevant tunes than the nonsense to which we are overexposed every collaborated creatively with Mr. Rice. Bell x1’s “Rocky Took a Lover”, winter. If too much merriment and snow leaves you feeling out in is more than the jingle for Dublin Bus; it is a critique of the three wise the cold, (sorry, I couldn’t resist the pun) bear a thought for poor oul men on their way to Bethlehem and the creationism versus evolution Grandma. The only thing I want to hear people singing down the road debate. The band are either very historically informed, or biblically in the middle of a winter’s night, mid-party season is “Grandma got critical, or possibly both. In the song, they refer to the ability of the run over by a reindeer, walking home from our house Christmas eve, you could say there’s no such thing as Santa, but as me and Grandpa three wise men to navigate the night sky, and who: we believe”... choon! “came a long way / following that pin hole in the sky”

The Lady Killer – Cee Lo Green cathal brennan offers an ear to cee lo’s lady killer The new offering from Cee Lo Green, The Lo Green style. It flows into ‘Bright Lights Lady Killer, is heralded by its influential first Bigger City’, a song laden with synth and strings which is made even smoother by Cee single, ‘F*ck You’. “I guess she’s an X-box/ And I’m more Atari”, croons Cee Lo, in what is the one of the most accessible songs about insecure jealousy that I’ve heard in the past few weeks. Even without the vitriolic, rabble rousing “F*ck you!” chorus, it is a song that is laden with hooks: the piano intro, the funk guitar, the soul harmonies, the Hammond organ – it is a song that is undoubtedly the single of the year, just as Crazy was the single of 2006. Its awesomeness needs no further mention for the rest of this review. But what of the rest of the album? It begins with the title track – a primarily spoken word piece that blends jazz and James Bond theme music, in classic Cee

Lo’s streamlined vocals. His vocals are the centrepiece of the album, and are well placed in the mix thanks to the skilful production values of producers Frasier T. Smith, Paul Epworth and Salaam Remi. Slow burners such as ‘Wildflower’ allow his voice to be expressive without being impeded by their layered arrangements. It is not all plain sailing however. The album suffers from a lull halfway in: ‘Bodies’ is somewhat reminiscent of a Gnarls Barkley song that got left on the cutting room floor, while ‘Love Gun’ is just average at best – the counter play between Cee Lo and guest vocalist Lauren Bennett is interesting, but ultimately forgettable.

>>Continued on page 21

An Alternative to Side to Christmas Music kevin o’neill puts on his cynical face and takes a look at all those old xmas staples

“Christmas is going to the dogs…”

Or so said Eels.

Don’t think for a second that I don’t like Christmas – I love it. In Day didn’t seem quite right to me, while I’m not sure if the incessantly December. Every year, though, it seems to get earlier and earlier. annoying “Bird is the Word” or the silence of Jon Cage’s effort have the The decorations turn up in some shops in September and before charm of classic number ones. Halloween is even out of the way, the music is blaring, the ads are The connotations of cringe inducing songs at Christmas number cropping up on screen and it seems as though it never left. one isn’t necessarily true – “Bohemian Rhapsody” twice topped the The result of all of this, of course, is that we are more and more number charts at Christmas, while the Beatles (on four separate familiar with Christmas music. Some of the tracks still seem fresh; occasions), the Human League and the Pet Shop Boys all made their though I’m sure I’m not the only one that feels the need to put my mark before the Spice Girls, Cliff Richard, Westlife and Mr. Blobby destroyed the institution. foot through the radio every time Mariah Carey rears her head. Scraping under the surface, it becomes clear that there are still some So perhaps Christmas itself may not be gone to the dogs, but great Christmas songs being recorded. Eels, the Killers, My Morning Christmas music sure has. Jacket, the Flaming Lips, Low and Pearl Jam have all crafted fantastic © Island Christmas tracks, while the Darkness made a great effort a few years back with “Christmas Time (Don’t Let the Bells End)” – though someone may need to tell Justin Hawkins that constant references to male genitalia aren’t necessary for a Christmas classic! It remains to be seen whether any modern Christmas tracks will come to retain the ‘classic’ status associated with the likes of Slade, Wizzard and the Pogues, though it is refreshing to see people trying. The Killers, for example, have released a Christmas track every year since they formed, and even took time out of their hiatus to continue the tradition this year, while a favourite of mine, Sufjan Stevens, released a four disc reworking of Christmas classics a few years back. The Christmas number one race became so formulaic with the usual X Factor song at number one. Luckily, the floodgates were opened last year with the successful Facebook campaign that resulted in Rage Against the Machine topping the UK chart and reaching number two in Ireland. This year, campaigns have been started to get Surfin’ Bird’s “The Bird is the Word” (brought back to pop culture by Family Guy) to number one, with an alternate option in Jon Cage’s ‘4”33’ (effectively four and a half minutes of silence and natural sounds)

I can’t help but feel that come December 25th we will all be listening to Matt Cardle’s version of David Bowie’s classic “Heroes” and it doesn’t feel right to me. In ten years time, will people remember the track? Though in all fairness, maybe the majority have stopped trying because it’s tough to beat the classic. Chris Rea’s “Driving Home for Christmas” and Bruce Springsteen’s “Santa Clause is coming to Town” have such sentimentality that the rest just seem unnecessary…

Whatever your poison, whether it Bruce or Blobby, have a Now, again, don’t get me wrong, I liked the change. But for some reason, yelling “F*ck you I won’t do what you tell me!” on Christmas good one.

>>Lady Killer continued from page 20 The upbeat horn section and ‘doo wop’ backing vocals of ‘Satisfied’ fares much better, giving Cee Lo a solid platform upon which he can show off his range. ‘I Want You’ is simply a great soul song, and ‘Old Fashioned’ is a testament to how good songs of that genre could be.

for its lead single. Listening to this collection of songs compared to previous albums (‘Cee-Lo Green and his Perfect Imperfections’), it is implicitly obvious that the proto-Outcast experimentalism of his early solo career has taken a backseat to hooks and tunes. Nonetheless, The Lady Killer is a solid album that will cement Cee Lo as a Overall, The Lady Killer is a good album that, apart from the odd dud (‘Cry Baby’), contains some catchy, well written songs. However, contender for the throne in current contemporary music. it is hard to reconcile that an album so widescreen and melodic in Tunes to Download: ‘F*ck You’, ‘Bright Lights Bigger City’, its sound can have a song as frenetic and self-righteous as ‘F*ck You’ ‘Wildflower’.

Entertainments

local@motley.ie

Siobhan Meehan

Funny Man © jasonbyrne.ie

hen he answers the phone his cheeky voice is immediately recognisable. “Just before we start, can I just ask how long will you need me for? It’s just I’m taking my wife out for coffee and she’s waiting for me here.” After assuring him that I’d have everything wrapped up by 11am I have the perfect opportunity to question Byrne on his long suffering wife Brenda who has been the subject to much ridicule in his stand up. “Sometimes I mightn’t even mention my children or my wife in a show, but ya in the past they definitely have had a battle. But that wife and those children are fictional, no woman is really like that, that’s me basically animating females and children and that’s what comedy is, it’s just animated life you know? Even though we could be dealing with real topics we animate them. Like if I went up on stage and went ’I’ve a wife ya and am…sometimes gives out to me’ then that’s no good, that’s not going to entertain anybody!“

most of the time because when I’m excited like that stuff just flies into my head.” And there’s been no shortage of material for Jason in recent weeks…”Last week when I went on stage I had so much to deal with because I had Mary Harney with the red paint thrown on her and I had poor old Neil with the Cara magazine…” On a recent appearance on The Late Late Show, Ryan Tubridy was greeted by Jason clutching a copy of Cara, the Aer Lingus in flight magazine, à la Neil Prendeville. “I know Neil, I’ve been interviewed by him before but at the same time I’m thinking ‘Jesus Neil, it’s me job I just have to do it!’ but I’m never vicious though.”

So will the IMF boys be making an appearance in future shows? “Well ya but only if it’s funny! I’ve been away in England so I’ve only read about it this morning, about who the IMF are why they are here and what thing they are up to. In Ireland it’s hilarious, they’ll tell you once on the news who or what they are, if you weren’t in that day then you lose out! Like people don’t know what NAMA Jason brings his stand up show to Cork stands for, they don’t know who they are! on December 10th and is especially excited The IMF is em…eh…oh my god what is it about returning to “The good thing about again? (with a little help from yours truly) going to Cork is that it has my favourite Yes! Monetary fund! which will never be said venue to play in Ireland because that Cork again! So I’ll have to Google it ‘cause now the Opera House is just brilliant. Everyone is news just say the IMF and if you want to find sitting in the chairs, they’re so comfortable out what they actually do then you’re gonna and the sight lines are really nice and Cork have to Google that as well!” But it seems audiences are just great craic! They’re that Jason has grasped some understanding brilliant, they’re not like ‘Come on now you of the IMF and so explains to me his own better make us laugh’ they’re normally just take on the situation. “They’re a bit like well up for it.” Admitting that his style of the Cigire. Remember the Cigire? That’s stand up routine is hard to pin down unlike who they are! And Brian Lenihan is like the the punchy one liners of Jimmy Carr or the off the wall stream of conscience approach of teacher looking at Ireland going ‘Just buck up now lads and sit up straight, the IMF are Ross Noble, Byrnes approach is one mainly coming in to see what we‘re up to!’” focused on audience participation and current issues. “I always do a show in two Earlier this year Jason and fellow halves when it’s in a theatre. So I’ll always comedian Des Bishop teamed up while come out at the start and deal with stuff that’s been going on recently, you know like touring Australia. A country with a large kinda topical stuff and involve the audience. population of young Irish emigrants, it I normally end up making up the first half

wasn’t hard for Jason and Des to pick out the ‘lads’ from the locals. “They go over there and they’re travelling around with their Cork tops, their Dublin tops, their fucking Wexford tops and I’m going ’Lads, nobody fucking knows who they are! Change into your clothes will ye! Actually there were two lads from Cork in a place called St. Kilda, it’s a really beautiful seaside place. There were the two lads standing at a tram stop, with builders boots on, Cork jerseys and carrying their shopping. In the shopping they had the sliced pan and cereal. They were unshaven and they had only arrived in Australia! I was going ’Lads what are ye fucking doin’?’ And they were just going ‘Ah we’re just getting a bit of shopping, just arrived, great craic’ Fucking mental!” As well as performing stand up and TV presenting Jason now has his own BBC Radio 2 show in the shape of The Jason Byrne Show which in previous episodes has discussed issues from fashion and marriage to strange fears and phobias with contributions from a live studio audience. “I’ve just finished the third series, it’s in front of a live audience, it’s not like a chat show. It’s on at 10 o clock on Saturday nights on BBC Radio 2 at the moment. Each episode has different a different theme. In this series we had technology, beauty and misery and happiness which is one to look out for cause the Irish kinda crop up one that one a lot! So ya it’s cool, it’s great fun and there are always lots of mad people who go to it and say mad shit!” As we come to the end of our phone call it seems as though Jason is finished with preparation for his next show “So ya that’s great, I’ve got my stand up for tonight! What did I say? Inspector, IMF, Cork Lads, done!”

Jason Byrne performs in Cork Opera House on December 10th Tickets: €26, €27.50, €29

cork underground music scene events december 2010 ucc dj society auditor conor ‘big daddy can’ lyons takes us through what the cork underground music scene has to offer for this month. Cork has always been recognised as a place for great music, from the internationally renowned Cork Jazz Festival to the newly formed Decades Festival and the countless indigenous nights being run every month in the city it is hard to miss out. December is always a great time for gigs, November has passed (flood free this year) and we are now free to un-batten the hatches and go out again! I have broken up my top picks for the month as follows... Long gone are the days of Sir Henrys and the legendary Sweat nights and yet the Diaspora lives on. I personally never set foot in the door of Henrys as I was probably at home watching Pokémon, but if you talk to anyone in Cork interested in House music they will probably at some stage have proclaimed that “Aw man the tunes were way better in Henrys...The Ball and Chain Like!”, for those of you that have no clue what I’m on about I advise a trip to Google, but I digress. Saturdays at the Pavilion have fast become the staple home for House music in Cork, the one place you are guaranteed to hear some top notch House every Saturday. This December the Pavilion has some very special gigs lined up. First up is Pal Joey (aka Joseph Longo) who came up in the heady days of New York street culture, amidst B-boying, boom boxes and an unusually entrepreneurial spirit of beat-making. True to his city’s inclusive spirit, Pal Joey consistently blurs the lines between disco, house and hip-hop, dropping scraps of old soul and recent rap alike over his skipping drum patterns and head-nodding keyboard lines. With support from ‘House Is a Home Residents’, Shane Linehan and Sean Galvin, admission is only €10 before midnight and €12 after, this is going to be a great start to the December season. A week later, on December 11th, Craig Smith (6th Borough Project) will be infusing Deep House & Nu-Disco for a mash up of all things cool with admission also €10 before 12. If you feel like something a little more up tempo, the Liquid Lounge have just what you need in the shape of Shed Fm host Florian Kruse, for a night of dance floor fillers with back up from the Shed Fm regulars, plus Warren Knowles & Patrick Weblin pumping out the techno in rave room. Doors open at 10pm, admission is €10.

The Savoy will play host to arguably the man that put Deep House on the map and a regular visitor to the shores of the Lee, Mr. Kerri Chandler on the 26th to give us Corkonians something to grove those post Christmas blues away. Support in the main room from Mucca with the Noizebox crew taking over the foyer. Doors at 10:30pm, €15 – get there early as this will be a sell out gig! For something a little more regular, every Friday and Saturday in The Bodega from 9:30pm resident DJ Billy Mc Galey spins some House grooves to get everybody bopping the night away!

If House isn’t what you fancy don’t dismay, over the past year we have seen a surge in the amount of Techno gigs being run in the city and December shall be no different!

Friday 3rd sees Techno legend Ben Simms take to The Pavilion stage for a night of proper Techno! Support from local legend Jamie Behan (Bastardo Electro) Doors are at 11pm, admission €15. If you fancy something with a bit more of a boom and a click, the hugely popular Noizebox night returns this December 10th to the Liquid Lounge with Swedish techno DJ Adam Beyer. If any of the previous Noizebox gigs are anything to go by this promises to be a huge night with support on the night from Ken Sheehan. Doors at 11pm, admission €15. If you have had enough ’untz untz’ for one year there is plenty more on offer in Cork these days. If you feel like something a little exotic, I prescribe ‘D-Flavours’ at the Liquid Lounge for you on Saturday the 4th of December. Expect everything from

Reggae, Dancehall, Funk De Rio to Rnb and Hip-Hop in the main room and for all the avid dancers head upstairs for Latin and World music: Salsa, Bachata, Merengue, Reggaeton, Zouk and Kizomba; if you have no idea what any of that stuff is it is worth going along to check this night out. I was at the last one and was pleasantly surprised by the energy and lack of inhibitions expressed by most of the crowd! Guaranteed to be something a little bit different this is only €7, which for a Saturday in Cork is very reasonable! Also this December the Silent Disco returns to Cyprus Avenue. For anyone that has never been to a silent disco it is basically 2 DJs playing 2 different styles, all the clubbers are wearing wireless headphones and you can decided which DJ you listen to. A very interesting experience and a must try! Catch it on the 4th of December, doors at 11pm, admission €7.

Goldsoundz Music and Cocktail Cub are hosting a very special Christmas Party at The Pavilion on Monday the 27th of

December. DJ Alan Fadd promises an eclectic mix of classic alternative tunes from the 1980s to current gems with a splash of 1960s soul and rock’n’roll. Posh frocks and retro threads are encouraged. Goldsoundz has a reputation for being one of the grooviest nights in town and after a long vacation they are back for this Christmas extravaganza. Doors at 11pm, admission €8/10. If you have no interest in any of the above I’m sure Havanas or the Classic will prescribe what you like on a good night out, but my advice is be a bit adventurous, plenty of pubs and clubs around the city are playing something a little left from centre so don’t be afraid to explore!

Entertainments

Putting the Sultans Manifesto to the Testo kevin curran Sultans Of Ping were the rebels (excuse the pun) of the Irish Rock scene in the early to mid 90’s and have had iconic songs such as “Where’s Me Jumper” and “Stupid Kid”. Lead singer Niall O Flaherty discusses ancient history and the bands upcoming tour. “Most of us are in education now; we’ve all got kids now as well! Not very rock n roll is it?!” stated O Flaherty when he was quizzed on what the Sultans had being doing for the last 15 years. “We all moved to London in the late 90’s, I stayed in music for a while, produced an album or two, worked as a songwriter and then decided to be a teacher funnily enough!”

what could of been. “We were totally clueless about stuff like promotion, image and all that crap, we probably should have been more Machiavellian or business like about the whole thing but Jesus we won’t linger on that...we had a great time doing it!”

like recent incidents in the press it was PC gone mad.

While they technically ceased to exist in 1996 The Sultans of Ping have engaged in touring recently and are embarking on a nationwide “Reverberation Tour” in The Sultans have had a reputation of December with The Frank and the Walters not conforming to the status quo, along and The Power of Dreams. “I don’t want to with their often off beat song content, the tempt faith but this might be a way of saying band had a different dress sense and public goodbye to fans because I don’t know how persona “We always liked to dress up before much longer we will keep touring for, it will we got famous...after we signed the record be the entire original band except the bass deal we took it as a licence to wear whatever player but who remembers bass players we wanted all the time, that attitude led anyway?” Niall is aware that there will be Swiftly getting back to his hell raising past me to getting a lot of abuse over the years. nostalgia in the air playing with the two the front man explained the meteoric rise of In reality we were just terrible dressers. I other 90’s indie giants but he can’t wait to get the Sultan’s in the 1990’s, “It all started when remember when we were in Venice touring back into his PVC suit. For the immediate I was 19/20 years old, we played a few gigs and we must of looked like such cheap gits, future there may be no new material on the in Cork, got a manager and then got signed everybody was there in the real fur and there horizon for Niall and the Sultans but as he which was a massive shock to everyone was the four of us strolling around head put it until new bands take up the mantle of not least ourselves. It’s funny how little to toe in ridiculously crap fake fur coats.” pushing boundaries from “old fogies” like hesitation we had at the time, we all just took Sometimes their style ruffled too many him, there will still be a place out there for it in our stride. We enjoyed ourselves maybe feathers when an album cover showing bands like The Sultans. a little bit too much” With that we discussed a woman in black PVC was banned from as to whether the band reached its potential certain record shops but Niall was adamant The Sultans of Ping and the Reverberation Tour come to The Savoy, Cork on December 29th. or not and Niall as usual was honest about that it was a fuss over nothing and claims

John Murphy preaches that there will be books in the future… Dead or Alive: Tom Clancy

The Confessions of Catherine de Medici: C.W. Gortner

books

Release Date: 7th December. Jack Ryan, Jr., and their colleagues have waged an effective campaign against terrorists such as the mastermind, Emir. These dudes are on his trail and intend to bring him in… Dead or Alive. I wonder where the inspiration for the title came from?

Release Date: 6th January.

Read this Next: Sandra Newman and Howard Mittelmark

The Holmes Affair: Graham Moore

Release Date: 2nd December.

For over a century, the secrets of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s missing diary have lain buried. Now all that’s about to change with the stories “Victorian London” and “Modern-day New York”… Apparently...

From the authors of How NOT to Write a Book comes a book for those who struggle with the question: “What shall I read next?”. Anyone else like the cover?

Books

Gortner (The Last Queen) vividly depicts the life of one of the most notorious, yet misunderstood, women in history. Then again, aren’t most people in history misunderstood? Especially the notorious. I should know…

Release Date: 6th January.

The Christmas Reader

stuck for christmas pressie ideas? cathal malone has some gift tips for all those readers out there… This Christmas is going to be a one for belt-tightening for many of us – but this doesn’t mean that gifts need to consist of socks alone! There are many books, both new and old, which will bring a smile to the face of a loved one of any age.

For the Mother:

An intelligent, mischievous and, above all, bloody well-written addition to a series which has yet to disappoint.

Some critics have already asked how many people would be interested in the autobiography of a former AA RoadWatch presenter – but the proof that there’s some scandal worth reading in this recent book was the venomous reaction by TV3. Having left the station’s Xposé programme in circumstances which were strained, to say the least, Keane seems determined to have the last laugh. Let the Irish Mammy be the judge of that, says I.

Skullduggery Pleasant: Mortal Coil – Derek Landy A second for the little bro, because if he’s anything like I was at that age (and God help you if he is!) then he’s going to spend much of the Christmas break devouring any book he lays his hands on. Irishman Landy’s fifth and latest offering in the Skullduggery Pleasant series comes less than a year after “Dark Days,” the previous title, and for that alone it attracted some attention. If your sibling conforms to the stereotype of the tweenage boy who loves everything zombie, skeleton © Harper Collins and generally bump-in-the-nightrelated (innuendo aside...) then he will love this tale of mages and Soul Catchers. Beware, however, for as with Artemis Fowl, you may find that you’re now expected to keep buying the little darling the latest in the series as they come out...

Working the Red Carpet – Lorraine Keane

Delia’s Happy Christmas – Delia Smith The paragon of Christmas cooks, Delia Smith has celebrated her ruby anniversary of cookbookwriting with this wonderful new publication. Delia’s Classic Christmas Cake recipe has been in print for over 40 years and I am told it has never been bettered, but the wonderchef has also created Chestnut Cupcakes recipe to satisfy modern tastes. She also includes a © Ebury supposedly foolproof recipe for a Traditional Roast Turkey and all the trimmings, as well as that staple of Stephen’s Day –what to do with leftovers. What the lads mightn’t know about Smith is that she took a five-year career break in 2003 to concentrate on Norwich Football Club, where she remains a director – so you can take comfort from the impeccable credentials of your recipe-giver!

For the Father:

Atlantic: Great Sea Battles, Heroic Discoveries, Titanic Storms,and a Vast Ocean of a Million Stories – Simon Winchester “Men might as well project a voyage to the Moon as attempt to employ steam navigation against the stormy North Atlantic Ocean.” This questionable quote by Dionysius Lardner, 19th Century Irish scientific writer and lecturer, opens this epic book which seeks to chronicle the “pond” from just about every angle imaginable. Drawing on more biography than one might think possible in a book which is essentially geographic in nature, Winchester manages to make his subject engaging and genuinely exciting, for anyone with an interest in either (or, preferably, both!) history and storytelling. From the arts to politics to geology to war, there is little in the history of our western aquatic neighbour which is missed. Hopefully dads all over Cork will agree.

For the Little Brother:

Artemis Fowl and the Atlantis Complex – EoinColfer This book is the latest in the fantastic series by the Wexfordian author. While he might have been playing with fire in his recent attempt to write a new book for the “Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy” franchise, he certainly is more than at home when fleshing out the fairyinhabited world of his teenaged genius, Artemis Fowl.

For the Adrenalin Junkie:

Unbroken: A World War II Story of Survival, Resilience, and Redemption – Laura Hillenbrand Adrenalin junkies are always a hard group to buy a book for, since they won’t sit still long enough to unwrap it, let alone read it. That’s why this true story, newly-published by the author of Seabiscuit, might just fit the bill. Hillenbrand unfurls the story of Louie Zamperini – a juvenile delinquent, turned-Olympic runner, turned-Army hero. After a crash into the Pacific, the three years of his life that followed became a tale which is almost too catastrophic to believe. Having talked to the man himself, and taken more than seven years painstakingly factchecking and doing background work, Hillenbrand has served up a treat for any would-be Castaway.

For the Grandfather:

Autobiography of Mark Twain: Vol. 1 Mark Twain is his own greatest character in this brilliant self-portrait, the first of three volumes. It is published complete for the first time, now, a century after his death - Twain wanted his more honest (read: scalding) opinions kept under wraps until anyone affected by them was only a memory. Twain meanders from observation to anecdote © California Press and between past and present. There are Tom Sawyeresquereminisces; acid-etched profiles of friends and enemies, and umpteen tales of the author’s own foibles, including hisslide(s) into bankruptcy. Twain’s memoirs are a masterpiece from which his vision of America--half paradise, half swindle--emerges with indelible force.

Games

Entertainments

Tip-Top for Black Ops damien o’rourke lets slip some secrets Call of Duty: Black Ops was released recently to rave reviews and millions of sales worldwide within hours of release. I personally love it so far, although I have yet to really sink my teeth into zombies or single player modes. My main interest in Black Ops lies in the online multiplayer feature. With that in mind I’m not going to give you a review but rather some tips which I found useful and will hopefully give you a head start on some of your friends in the vicious theatre of CoD online. To start, let talk about perks. There are three tiers of perks, each with Pro versions and some are more useful than others. When you start playing Black Ops and find yourself racking up the CoD points you need to buy the ‘Ghost’ perk ASAP. Given the infancy of the game, no one will be instantly familiar with the maps and will rely heavily on using radar and spy planes. So using ‘Ghost’ and a suppressor on your weapons will give you an incredible advantage on the competition. For the second perk tier I would recommend buying ‘Steady Aim’ first because the hip fire accuracy when using steady aim is much better in this game than in previous CoD titles, but to a lesser extent the other tier 2 perks aren’t that useful. If you’re not bothered with hip firing then throw on ‘Warlord’ and try the AK47u with rapid fire and a suppressor, it’s a beast. For the third and final perk tier ‘Ninja’ is the only real stand out perk. It gives you silent footsteps and the pro version once unlocked makes enemy footsteps louder. When you don’t make noise and your enemies do, you can really take advantage when using a good set of headphones

Tw e e t tweet

In terms of weapons etc., you’ll only be able to use the default classes. I recommend the default M16 class until you have the option to create custom class setups. Buy the famas and the AK47u as soon as you have them unlocked. They are the best guns available early in the game. The options are quite limited in terms of secondary weapons. I tend to stick with pistols as launchers and the ballistic knife or the crossbow are rarely more useful than a pistol. As for which pistol, there’s not a huge difference in terms of stats so I generally go with the python because it looks more badass than the others and resembles a .44 magnum. With all that said, here are two class setups that you might find useful. I use these two classes myself and love them so I hope they help you too.

aisling salter checks out what’s tweeting with the stars @katyperry Katy Perry Just had a telescope lesson! #geekchic! -What you and Russell get up to in your own time is your business, Katy

@justinbieber I LOVE MY FANS!!!! WE ARE PARTYIN TONIGHT!! - Okay Justin, enjoy your minerals and don’t party too hard

@daraobriain Dara O Briain Why has Katie come dressed as that elf-thing from Narnia? -To get to the other side, Dara!

@Wossy jonathan ross Driving home. Entered ‘the hood’ into sat nav. Am now lost. Thank you. -Sat Navs are so unreliable these days

@KimKardashian Kim Kardashian I am waking up tomorrow with no alarm for the 1st time in months. I pray no one calls and wakes me! -That gives me an idea…

@TheEllenShow Ellen DeGeneres Did y’all know Oprah’s house has it’s own jail? -Yeah? Well my house has rats. Does hers?

@Mr_Grimshaw Aiden Grimshaw please vote for matt! 01...please vote for MATT! who needs a shirt!? pffft! 01 VOTE FOR MATT THAT WAS SIK! 01 PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE! -Wait… Do you like Matt or something, Aiden?

Internet

@rustyrockets Russell Brand Watching self on Larry King. Achievement diminished in ad break by catheter commercial. -The tough life you lead, Russell… @therealgokwan Gok Wan Mmmmm matt cardle in a vest makes me tingle! -You’re not the only one, Gok!

@EvaLongoria Eva Longoria It is with great sadness that after 7 years together, Tony and I have decided to divorce. We love each other deeply and pray for each other’s happiness. -Awww, another one bites the dust

@maevehiggins Maeve Higgins I’m going to rate my sisters using the same criteria as the #PWC employees. Such a clever system. -Just don’t get caught like they did!

Theatre

Showtune showdown kellie morrissey unleashes her inner theatre geek – and boy, is it angry… Andrew Lloyd Webber and Stephen Sondheim: two musical theatre kings who divide opinion. Sondheim is praised for his lyrics and the subtleties of his harmonies; Webber for having some really longass running shows. Let’s throw them together into our (MUSICAL THEATRE) PIT OF (LYRICAL) DEATH™ and see who emerges the victor…

SONDHEIM

WEBBER

Love Song

And think of how I adore you // Think of how much you love me // If I were Love never dies // love never falters // once it has spoken // love is yours perfect for you // Wouldn’t you tire of me? - A Little Night Music, “Soon” Love Never Dies, “Love Never Dies” Sondheim ain’t one for sappy love songs: all of his love songs are a little bit sad, a little bit rueful or - as above - a little bit tongue in cheek.

But um. Love does die. Nice try, though, ALW.

Sexy

The time is here // The game is there // The smell of fear // Like must pervades the air // The bugle sounding // The pistol steady // The blood is pounding // Take aim and ready - Marry Me a Little, “Bang!”

Past the point of no return, the final threshold // what warm, unspoken secrets will we learn // beyond the point of no return? - The Phantom of the Opera, “The Point of No Return” It’s nice but… just a little bit pedestrian.

Sad

Someone to hold you too close // Someone to hurt you too deep // Someone to sit in your chair // To ruin your sleep // And make you aware // Of being alive - Company, “Being Alive”

Missed the fairy-tale adventures // In this ever-spinning playground // We were young together - Sunset Boulevard, “As If We’d Never Said Goodbye”

The non-committal anthem. I think I feel a tear coming on.

Quick! Andrew! Throw some more metaphors at me!

Angry

Because in all of the whole human race // Mrs Lovett, there are two kinds of “But the saddest cut of all // Someone has to turn you in // Like a men and only two // There's the one that they put in his proper place // And common criminal, like a wounded animal // A jaded mandarin // A jaded the one with his foot in the other one's face - Sweeney Todd, “Epiphany” mandarin // Like a jaded, faded, faded, jaded, jaded mandarin” - Jesus Christ Superstar, “The Last Supper” Depends on who’s playing Sweeney (Depp - boo, Hearn - yay), but ST … buh? We get it, he’s an old orange. is brimming with anger and longing and all that good stuff.

Funny

I got this really great gun- // Shit, where is it? // No, it's really great - wait - // Shit, where is it? // Anyway, it's just a .38 - // But, it's a gun // You can make a statement - // Wrong - // With a gun // Even if you fail // It tells 'em who you are // Where you stand // This one was on sale // It - no not the shoe - // Well, actually the shoe was, too - Assassins, “The Gun Song”

The Rum Tum Tugger is artful and knowing // The Rum Tum Tugger doesn't care for a cuddle // But I'll leap in your lap in the middle of your sewing // For there's nothing I enjoy like a horrible muddle - Cats, “The Rum Tum Tugger”

ALW doesn’t really do funny. He does, however, do cats. Lots and lots In this scene, would-be Presidential assassin Sara Jane Moore of cats. Singing. Singing cats. Yep. fumbles with her bag trying to find the gun she’d purchased earlier in order to impress her male would-be assassin buddies. Assassins is awesome - if a little politically incorrect.

”

Deep Stuff

It's the fragment, not the day. // It's the pebble, not the stream. // It's the ripple, not the sea // That is happening. // Not the building but the beam, // Not the garden but the stone, // Only cups of tea // And history // And someone in a tree - Pacific Overtures, “Someone in a Tree”

If my life were important I // Would ask will I live or die // But I know the answers lie // Far from this world - Joseph and the Amazing TechnicolourDreamcoat, “Close Every Door to Me”

Pretty, pretty stuff. This is Sondheim’s personal favourite of his songs: a dreamlike, seven-minute musing on the linearity of time and all those little things we don’t notice.

ALW doesn’t really do musing - which is cool! No need to be all like, dark and stuff. However, when he tries, it’s just a little bit trite. VICTOR: Sondheim

features@motley.ie

perfect stranger l.a. was developed in 2009 by journalist caitlin foyt to examine the millions of fascinating and diverse residents of l.a. to show what makes the city’s heart beat. perfect stranger cork hopes to continue that aim, only with people who say “like,” and “biy” more.

Name: Honor Carroll Cork Story: Cork Resident Found: Carrigaline

Christmas season starts earlier than most for Honor Carroll, a pleasant and cheery mother of six from Carrigaline. For her, the Christmas baking doesn't start days or even weeks ahead of time, but a solid three months before the big day. Using her grandmother's traditional Christmas pudding recipe, Honor makes this desert in September with the help of her children. “If you stir the pudding three times clockwise and make a wish, it'll come true by Christmas. Or so they say, anyway.” The alcohol and the sugar from the fruit preserves the dish, and allows the flavour to mature until it's ready for eating during the Christmas season. Similarly, the mince meat for her pies is made in late November and frozen.

Honor's dedication to family tradition doesn't stop in the kitchen. The Christmas crib is set out promptly on the 8th of December. Honor's dedication to family tradition doesn't stop in the kitchen. The Christmas crib is set out promptly on the 8th of December. On Christmas Eve, her youngest son, Chucky, lights the Christmas candle, and the majority of the preparations are made for the next day. The stuffing for the turkey is made, the final baking is done, and even the table is set. Honor said that when her children were younger, they used to wake her up at six o'clock in the morning in

excitement, but now that they’re all adults their Christmas Eve looks a bit different. The pub after Christmas Mass is a main highlight, followed by a house crawl on the way home from the pub, not coming home until around five or six the next morning. “I’m sure if they looked up they’d see Santa Clause on his way,” she mused. Christmas Day is a day of relaxation. Her son Chucky told me that his mother spends her whole day in the kitchen. “She pretends she doesn't, but she actually loves it,” he told me as an aside. Dinner is eaten at around six in the afternoon, followed by presents under a real tree.

Christmas is a joyous season for many, but it can also be a time to remember those who are absent at the holidays as well as present. “When John was thirteen and Padraig was twelve [her sons], we lived in Fermoy in the north of Cork. They used to go into the woods to cut down a tree; there were some fierce wild woods back in the day before trees got so commercial. Anyway, I just remember them coming back through the woods with a tree on their shoulders, and it just started to snow. I remember them

walking with the tree with the snow falling down around them.” Honor said that last year she introduced the idea of having an artificial tree instead of a real one, and was met with an uproar. (Chucky once again added that “Fake Christmas trees are shit,” and that they should fornicate themselves.) Christmas is a joyous season for many, but it can also be a time to remember those who are absent at the holidays as well as present. The Christmas of 2009 was hard for Honor as her dear friend, who was a large part of her life and who loved Christmas, passed away, but she says it is important for one to move forward in life. She says it might be hard this Christmas, but it will be a significant one for her family, as it may be the last time her family is all together for the holidays. Her only daughter will be married shortly after Christmas, and one of her sons is flying home from Australia for the season. While it may be exciting to see what presents you receive, the real pleasure of Christmas, Honor says, is to be with family. Just as diligently as the decorations are put up, everything is put away precisely on January 8th. Another whilforeign holiday season passes, and a woody new year begins in the Carroll household.

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in a new monthly feature, motley finds the inner celebrities of college students. if you think you look like a famous face, email us at

Hair is styled by Dolores Cummins at Ikon hair design. dress from topshop

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ÂŠ Michael Holland

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from this...

Kathryn O'Brien 2nd Year Genetics

to this...

Natalie Portman's look on the red carpet can be described as simple, elegant, and Bohemian, yet nothing is more iconic and fantastic than her wardrobe from the Star Wars films. A vegetarian, Natalie Portman rejects leather, fur, and feathers. She has launched her own cruelty-free line of footwear in conjunction with designer Te Casan. The wardrobe for Queen Amidala in the Star Wars films was inspired by such historical figures as Grand Duchess Xenia Alexandrovna of Russia and traditional Mongolian fashion.

natalie portman as queen amidala

"Cute is when your personality shines through your looks. Like, when you see someone's personality in the way they walk and you just feel like hugging them every time you see them." ÂŠ Michael Holland

"Breast implants gross me out. I don't think they're attractive at all."

History of UCC According to Clubs and Societies © UCC

“On rooting through a cabinet in the Accommodations Office, Societies Guildie John O Donoghue discovered a whole museum-load full of documents, photographs and stories about UCC Clubs and Societies- right from the 1800s to the present day. What he found is to be catalogued into Special Collections in the Boole Library.In this four part feature, he takes us through the best things he rediscovered, and why they’re so important for the history of UCC.”

uring the summer of 2010, a huge forgotten archive of UCCs Clubs and Societies was discovered at the back of the Accommodation office on college road. In it, started fifteen years ago, was extracts from a book which was being prepared for the “150 years of UCC” celebration back in 1995. Unfortunately the book was never published and was abandoned along with the majority of the written work. An extensive search through the minutes, treasurer reports and old student publications along with an interesting read through John A. Murphys “The College” have unveiled a rich and diverse history of the most active campus in Ireland.

Within any university the social and sporting life of the college reflects the excellence of that institution. Over the last one hundred and sixty years the clubs and societies of UCC/QCC have built up what Professor Alexander -addressing the Philosophical Society in 1914- termed the “fellowship” of the college. This series of articles provides a record of the activities and achievements of the students of a university steeped in culture and history.

Queens University Cork, as it was initially known, opened its doors with an inauguration ceremony held in the Aula Maxima on the 7th of November 1849. The following year the scarce few students that was in attendance at this new Munster college formed the first student run society called the Philosophical Society which had regular debates involving everyone from professors to freshman students. At the same time clubs such as the rugby, GAA and cricket began to form in the college using the old quarry (the site of the current Boole Library) as their pitch. Unfortunately by the turn of the century, due to the troubled presidency of Sir Robert Kane and frequent quarrels within the Governing Body primarily with George Boole, activity on the campus had become miniscule with only a few clubs surviving due to depleting student numbers. Despite the good rapport between students and the staff in the late 1800s, trouble between the second President, Sullivan, and the students in 1884 also increased the bitterness surrounding the college population. Some of this unrest resulted in a “ban on politics” within the college, including debates regarding politics which wasn’t lifted until some time later. It wasn’t until the presidency of Sir Bertram Windle in 1904 that societies and student activity increased dramatically on the Queens College Cork campus. The President did his best to develop contacts with students. He had them to his house, which was an official as well as a personal residence. On one occasion, thirty or forty attended to the East Wing for tea, after he had chaired a meeting of the philosophical Society. The growth of student societies (literary, social and athletic) was stimulated

in June 1910 by a Governing Body endorsement of a Finance Committee proposal to double the college fee to £2 with the sole purpose of subsidising student associations. Also in 1905, a student told the register that some students did not “join football practises” because of the dressing room conditions. The breakthrough came for sports clubs in the college when they purchased the Athletic Grounds in 1911.

Interestingly the Governing Body accepted a request from the Student Reprehensive Council (Student Union) that students paying the new fee should be given free membership of four athletic clubs and the philosophical society. It was these incentives that paved the way for other societies to form including the Dramatic Society in 1905 and the Choral Society in 1908 among others. Windle also fostered the publication of college journals, including the Engineering Societies regular journal, first published in 1913. In this first edition, which is now stored in the new archive cabinet in the Accommodation office on college road, it states that a meeting of the Engineering

>>Continued on page 31

Gifts of the Future sam marks presents... christmas gifts to dream of! © poormojo.org

The Artificial Intelligence

The Invisibility Cloak

I remember the Predator movie being sub-par, as well as Pierce’s Natal studios had been working on as part of the Xbox Kinect last MI6 mission. This is not to mention Daniel Radcliffe’s first bout franchise which can recognise movements from your feet to your of wizardry from the acting school of Hogtwats in the Philosopher’s face. It also has fabulous voice detection which can spot voice Stone. But the good news to the final installment of the Harry Potter inflections of emotion. franchise is the prospect of your very own invisibility cloak which To debut the product back in 2009, Peter Molyneux and his team made the antics of the thaumaturge trio possible! designed Milo, a 10 year old boy on a TV screen that could recognise The concept is fairly simple, the metamaterial bends light around facial expressions and voice inflections such as those of an upset or and object so it projects what is behind it. The problem is the making of sarcastic individual. It even has a mind of its own, with the ability a molecular structure that is substantially smaller than a wavelength to ask how your day has been as well as the ability to not do his of light, or that with a substantially high negative refractive index homework. Unfortunately Milo has been withdrawn as a project (never mind the physics). simply on account that it currently isn’t marketable as a video game. This little wonder may be hitting the stores as early as 2020 according Some even say the project was faked. to the physicists in Perdue University Canada. The metamaterial itself Again, philosophers out there might have a small problem with the is already widely used in cameras but it still needs a little tweaking. project though. When does this become the God Dialemma where Alas in this recession you would have to fork out a decent 6 billion humans are capable of creating human consciousness? bucks to get funding for it. Also, the main market of interest would be the army corps initially and they have the pockets deep enough to satify their agents. Bond, eat your heart out!

The Mind Reader

The Holoprojector

Move over Professor Xavier! Professor Moran Cerf, computational scientist at the Univesity of California, has constructed a database of hundreds of brain-scans correlating to participants looking at a range of images, including celery, strangely enough. A pattern is already brewing, and some preliminary mind-reading machines are apparently already used by Russia’s police force. Keeping our thoughts to ourselves might be a thing of the past and so any further advances are riddled with moral battlefields regarding the right to privacy.

I remember the more modern Star Wars franchise being a shameless black hole for fans spare change. But one can look forward to being able to talk to your long-distance friends and family in a 3D setting thanks to the work underway in Arizona.

>>History of UCC continued from page 30

clubs notes published initially on a quarterly basis and later on a monthly schedule.

Society took place on December 13th 1910 to decide about the formation of such a society. In January 1911, the formation of the society was sanctioned by the Academic Council. Also around the same time the medical students, always a strong presence within the college due the completion of the medical building in 1880, also decided to form their own society in 1916 entitled the UCC Medical Society.

By simply using several cameras at different angles one can construct a 3D image. Then using lasers that interfere with eachother one can construct that image again in a 3D setting consisting of nothing but light. Another interesting point of information is the invention of the ‘hogel’ (the 3D version of the standard pixel). So far the refresh rates of such machines is 2 seconds making the video very slow. Much as we love Alexander Bell, this may replace the telephone sooner than we think.

Windles attitude towards the place of the Irish language in the college was rather complicated, on the highly controversial question of compulsory Irish for the NUI matriculation, he had decided to oppose it but in the end voted for it. From a Society point of view the An Chullacht Society are recorded to have begun in 1914 reflecting the position of Irish within the university at the time among the student population forming such a society for their own interest. The formation of the National University of Ireland in 1908, Eventually when the Government decided to drop the Munster and the subsequent name change from Queens College Cork to university scheme in 1919, which Windle was a huge campaigner for, University College Cork had some unusual disturbances from the student population of the college. For instance the student magazine he departed for the University of Toronto instead and so brought forward a new president with Merriman. Within Merrimans tenure remained entitled the QCC right up until 1911/1912 as a defiance to a new explosion of student societies throughout the 1920s occurred the new name change and college system implemented by the NUI. including the Chemical and Law Societies which will be discussed It wasn’t until 1913 that the first “Quarryman” appeared which went on to become UCCs student magazine right up until the 1970s. These with more detail in the next article in this series along with the first college balls. magazines were the Motley of their day with news, societies and

Murphy‘s Law bogger turned city slicker kieran murphy takes us on a self indulgent journey of his life in dublin. having climbed the himalayas and shifted every person in the vicinity of gorby’s, he decided to try his luck in the big shmoke.

When you’re an Arts student, going to the bathroom is a daunting task. While toilet cubicles are usually a place of sanctuary for people to relieve themselves in a variety of ways, in UCD, each cubicle is littered with profanities about Arts students, with “Arts Degree: Take One” being written above every single toilet roll holder, digging at our collective academic souls. Now this slander has reached its way onto Facebook with the newly created group “The Awkwardness When an Arts Student Talks About Their Future Prospects.” We’re not even safe in our own homes anymore. When people view an Arts student, they imagine unwashed individuals who stroll into college at 2pm to sit one of five of their only lectures that week, more than likely relating to Greek Philosophy or some tripe like that. People are wrong though; Arts students are industrious, much like the Chinese. Whereas General Mao taught his people to produce and prepare, Arts students are self-taught to bullshit and get lucky. Week after week we work hard

to scrape together essays minutes before the deadline and getting A’s on them just because our tutor likes the sound of our name (Storm Power anyone?). We are able to explain any piece of Joyce’s work with such authority that you won’t know that we haven’t read anything he’s ever touched let alone know the proper pronunciation of Ulysses. It’s skills like these that make Arts students the most equipped of all, and actually have gone onto prominent positions in every day Irish life. For example, wife of Bono, Ali Hewson, has a BA in Sociology from UCD and has gone onto the very important role of Bono’s Wife. Former Miss World, Rosanna Davison has completed a BA in Art History and has given back to the community by raising awareness about the benefits of pork by standing on Grafton Street in a Bikini holding a breakfast roll. It’s people like these that I look up to as I write my presentation on why Alice in Alice’s Adventures of Wonderland was anorexic, knowing some day I too can give back to the world, just like them. Kieran Murphy, BA: Employed by the IMF….

Kieran Murphy studies English and Film Studies in UCD; he is the Fashion Editor for the University Observer.

Important Life Lessons- Learned! cathal brennan considers the 10 life lessons he has acquired at the tender age of 20 years. Recently, I reached the landmark age of twenty years. Whenever I remember that I’m twenty years of age, I remind myself that I’m also halfway to be middle aged. Being freshly out of my formative teenage years, I now acknowledge that a lot of freedom went with being a teen. However, being a twenty year old means that:

ONE I must be committed to my studies. The reality of this situation is as follows: 10 pm - Better do this homework I have for 9 am tomorrow morning. What’s that, fellow housemate? You’re going for a pint? Well, I suppose I could go for one... 11 pm – I should go home and study, but I think I might be onto something with this girl... 12 midnight – Yera, I don’t need her, I just need to drink more. Girls are stupid anyway; they have cooties and shit. 12 noon – Fuck sake.

THREE

Asking my friend to ask someone to score me is definitely off the cards. Fair enough, I haven’t done it since I was fourteen, but still. I liked having the option.

FOUR I should know whether I should leave the toilet seat up or down. To be honest, I couldn’t give a fuck about this one. Am I supposed to leave it down? I don’t have a clue. Nor does it really matter anyway.

FIVE I must know where my political allegiances lie. I suppose I’m a leftist, but then again I don’t really want to join Labour; I feel like I’d be jumping on the bandwagon a bit as they’re very in vogue these days. I might join the Sinn Fein Society instead – their auditor is sound out, he gave me a few cans there a few weeks ago. Legend.

TWO

SIX

Drinking in fields is now slightly less acceptable. Mainly because those fields where you might have done the odd bit of bushing/ gatting are now being used by people in primary school.

I must know how to cook for myself. At this stage I can cook a mean pot of rice/beans/pasta. That combined with my toast-making skillz means I’m more than okay for the time being. >>Continued on page 33

10 Things I Love About...Ó Conaills Ó’Conaill Chocolate Shop and Cafe (16 French Church Street) is almost definitely the best place in Cork when you’re cold and weak from spending all afternoon window shopping on Patrick Street. Their locally made and moderately priced chocolates from Carrigaline make the perfect gift for this holiday season, and the baked goods and selection of hot chocolates and coffees make it the perfect location for a romantic and casual date. Here are ten items that cannot be missed. Hot Chocolate ~ Sounds basic enough, right? Wrong. There are traditional flavours such as white chocolate or dark chocolate, but there’re also more exotic flavours such as lavender oil, rose oil, peppercorn, and cayenne pepper. I personally recommend the cinnamon and nutmeg hot chocolate. €2.75 - €4.00 Chocolate bars ~ Again, what makes these special is the large variety of flavours. You have your standard nuts and dried fruit, but it also can come with rose petals or chilli flakes. €3.75

©Uninorth Flickr.com

Gingerbread Cookies ~ Probably only around for the holiday season, but delicious and spicy. Plus it’s fun to bite their heads and legs off. €1

Assorted Handmade Chocolates ~ Perfect gift for someone you only kinda know! Comes in a pretty little box full of pretty little chocolates. €5-€9.50

2.5 kg Chocolate Bar ~ That’s right, 2,500 grams of pure chocolate. Can you think of a better Christmas gift? The cocoa content goes as high as 99% in some of the bars. €22 - €27.50

Chocolate Hurley Stick ~ Fun present for GAA heads. €5

Church of St. Anne’s Clock Tower ~ Made out of chocolate. Yes yes. Good gift for out-of-towners for a taste of Cork. €6.50

Praline ~ For those with a sweet tooth who aren’t fond of chocolate, praline is made from nuts and sugar syrup.

Fudge ~Unlike other chocolatiers in Cork, Ó’Conaill’s understands how rich fudge actually needs to be. Best fudge I’ve tasted outside of Michigan. €2.75/100g

Coffee Cake ~ Made in their bakery on Princes Street, all of their baked goods are pretty deadly. €3

>>Life Lessons continued from page 32

SEVEN

TEN

I must be able to budget properly. Monday – Receive money. Tuesday – Buy some stupid shit, like two full Irish breakfasts in Kiwi, or/and an Irish car bomb in the Old Bar at 4 in the afternoon. Wednesday – Ask for more money from Papa and Mama Brennan. “Oh yeah, I had to buy books for college and stuff.”

I should know what’s happening in the news. “Oh yeah, the IMF is really bad for the country. I know this because I have been educating myself regarding this complex topic in my spare time.” You know what, I understand that all this stuff is serious. Honestly, I empathize, but I just don’t really care as much as I probably should. Why care about the IMF when I have my own problems to worry about? (See point no. 9)

EIGHT

I do feel a little bit sad that I’m not a teen anymore, but its not like it makes much of a difference. At the end of the day, age is just a number, and it has no real bearing on anything.

Think for myself. This is a tricky one, as my thought patterns tend to be of the intensely stupid variety. “Hmmmmm, I have an early morning lecture tomorrow. If I go to bed now, I’ll probably sleep out... Oh wait, I know! I’ll just stay up all night watching youtube, and then I’ll be in the perfect state of mind to go to my lecture because I’ll still be awake!”

NINE I must be sexually active. My current sex life -------------> *tumbleweed rolls across the ground*

And so I strike into my twenties. Who knows what the next twenty years holds in store for me? Christ knows, but that’s half the fun of it.

Christmas Bitching ian wisia lays out the law: he ain’t the grinch. but he’s just as bad. There are some things I don’t understand. Love, for instance, I can’t grasp. (Personally I think anyone that says they understand love is a liar.) But one thing that continues to confound me, without it being a theoretical ideal of human emotion, is Christmas. I have never been a “Christmas person,” but I’m not exactly the Grinch either. My problem is that there seems to be a far reaching consensus to deny any problems with the event; everyone just turns a blind eye to the faults and idiocies that seem so obvious to me. So here I ask you, the reader, can you explain the reason why Christmas is not just tolerated but liked? Firstly, I would like to say emphatically: I am not an environment freak. I care about as much as the next person about the planet (which isn’t very much) and not an iota more. Consider that literally every day we are reminded that we are killing the planet. Reduce, reuse, recycle, don’t litter, don’t drive, don’t leave your house but don’t turn on anything inside that consumes power, and don’t you dare exhale that filthy carbon dioxide. Yet from December 15 to January 5 none of this seems to matter anymore. Instead we seem to buy as much crap (and make no mistake 99% of it is crap) that our overdrafts will allow and wrap this frivolous drivel in trees that have been cut very thinly and painted shiny. Seriously, most of these presents/hindrances will end up clogging a landfill somewhere, and much of the wrapping will go straight into the bin, not the recycling, because we are too preoccupied with admiring the shit other people deemed we needed.

our house with those terrible energy efficient ones that take an hour to heat up, and even then never really get bright enough to make you feel that we have technologically surpassed the candle, but I have never seen energy efficient fairy lights, have you? (If anyone out there wants to patent the idea go on ahead just send me a line so I know I’ve passively done my bit for the world and can now watch TV after 12.) And aren’t we only allowed to leave our lights on like twenty minutes a day? This may be extended if you’re performing surgery and there’s a complication (quadruple bypasses are tricky I hear), yet no one bats an eyelid if someone leaves a thousand lights draped to their walls on all night. What purpose do they serve? The only person who is out at 4:30 on a Tuesday does not deserve light. Imagine 30 years from now when you’re living half-way up a mountain because the sea level has risen and the peaks are irradiated by the sun. There’ll be no electricity or indoor plumbing, and food will be scarce and unappetising. You’ll say to your kid: “Sorry Billy, we fucked up. But at least you got that action man when you were six.” Imagine if little Billy had not got that action man! That would’ve been a real disaster! You saved his innocence by allowing him that one magical memory of Christmas. That was until 2 years later when he found out you were too lazy to block the porn channel, but at least you had those two years of innocence...

Someone told me once that Santa (the commercial God of Christmas) was originally green, and that Coke bought him and turned his suit red. Personally, I think Santa took off his green suit How many times this week have you seen an advertisement telling out of shame for what was being done to the planet in his name (or maybe he just started bathing in the blood of the naughty, I don’t you not to leave your lights on? Or trying to get you to buy one of know). Everyone turns into an accepting fool, mass hysteria grips those remotes for the wall sockets? I counted (because I’m weird that way) and stopped after 12 (because my weirdness is not stronger the nation. And for what? Trinkets? False promises of happiness? I am trying to be logical and understanding, but I cannot find than my lack of an attention span) in the last three days. Yet around anything to redeem Christmas. I do not hate Christmas for no Christmas we decide to drape millions of tiny lights all over our reason; I hate it because it has no reason. After all, why bother doing houses, ignoring the fact they are often gaudy and always wasteful. We are told to replace every light that serves an actual purpose inside something when not doing something is always easier?

Understanding Women… ryan gallagher tries to teach men about women. but gallagher is a man and thus some of this may not be

correct…

Women are confusing to say the least. Men for the last milleuim have tried and failed to understand how a woman thinks. Personally I find Honours Physics easier to comprehend. I’ve decided to compile a list of what women actually mean for male students around campus. “I don’t want to ruin our friendship.” = I don’t want to sleep with you.

“You never listen.” = You never listen.

“We need to talk.” = I need to complain.

“Size doesn’t matter.” = Unless I want an orgasm!

“How much do you love me?” = I did something today that you really won’t like.

“I would like to have children someday.” = I’ve already stopped taking birth control.

“You have to learn to communicate.” = You have to learn to agree with me.

“Oh no, I’ll pay for myself.” = I’m just being nice, there’s no way we’re going dutch. >>Continued on page 35

“No, pizza is fine.” = Cheap bastard.

Always take the weather with you peter neville has a moan about the most irish of things- the temperamental weather.

s anybody who was brave, or stupid, enough to go outside over the past few days can confirm- the winter chill is upon us. I think, due merely to the ridiculous coldness of it all, I should say ‘the chill is back, with a vengeance!’ I know that a lot of people may call me a wimp for complaining, but seriously, I still can’t feel my toes! I’m pretty sure that if I’d spent any more time with the elements, I would have died of hypothermia.

However there is a bright side to winter. If the City floods, we’ll be able to ice skate to university, and when the winter chill fully establishes itself, we’ll have my favourite type of day: the kind where you wake up, and open the curtains to see a sunny, beautiful day. Be careful, though, that’s the weather playing with your mind. I remember one Christmas I decided to venture out into the wilderness of Killarney town centre in just a t-shirt. And as I said to the cops before they took me away for an excessive bout of cursing brought about by ice, “the weather tricked me.”

There are some good memories associated with a crisp winter day. Hand-holding, snuggling, warm fires, snowball fights, people falling on the news.

There are some good memories associated with a crisp winter day. Handholding, snuggling, warm fires, snowball fights, people falling on the news. But, of course there are bad memories too. Everyone has that story of forgetting car keys or house keys and being stuck in the cold calling for help. I remember one evening when I was in London Victoria station and just missed the Cork County is really cold in comparison to the City. I left the city, cold but content in last bus. I was devastated, and the tears stuck my lovely warm retro tweed jacket, but when to my face. It was one of the coldest nights I can remember. Anyway, I sat there crying and I arrived in Charleville for the conference I was attending- I wished I was in bed. I shook wailing until a policeman came over. I was and shivered like a shaky-shivery thing. (As happy to see him- he could help me. However, a side note, I want to address any Charleville that joy turned to despair when he said, “I’m fining you £20” I looked at him in shock and people. I was in your town for two full days retorted, “For crying out loud!” He looked at and I didn’t see a single gram of cheese. me and replied “Yes.” Where are you hiding it?)

Every now and then I feel like I’m a magnet for bad weather. I’d be looking forward to the prospect of going somewhere that was a few degrees warmer than Ireland, but, the moment that I’d get off the plane, temperatures fall to sub-zero and all vegetation within the area dies instantly. I always took this as a mere coincidence, and I didn’t worry that it happened everywhere I went. My brother, who is twelve this month, told me in a kind-of comforting tone of voice one day in France, “Don’t worry Peter- it’s just the coldness of your heart.” He’s a lovely boy.

Every now and then I feel like I’m a magnet for bad weather. Anyway, it’s clear to see that summer has come and past. The chill is upon us and we all better get used to it. And if you are like me, having a tendency for weather patterns to stalk you and a loving brother who always says the right thing- I wish you the best of luck in the upcoming hypothermic months. If we all make it through to spring, we’ll celebrate the beauty of warmth. However, it’s important to keep smiling even though you feel like the snowman we all try to build. In the words of a Japanese proverb- ‘One kind one can warm three winter months.’ Happy Holidays!

>>Understanding Women continued from page 34 “I usually don’t do this the first night.” = Yes I do, but i don’t want you to think I’m easy.

“I’m just looking to have fun.” = I’m looking to have fun... with you... in a relationship.

“You don’t have to give me a gift.” = Um, yes you do.

“You are very attentive tonight.” = Is sex all you think about?

“All we are going to buy is soap.” = And make up, and clothes, and utensils, and sheets.....

“We need...” = I need....

“Oh no, I’ll pay for myself.” = I’m just being nice, there’s no way we’re going dutch.

“I’m not emotional or overreacting!” = I’m on my period.

“I usually don’t do this the first night.” = Yes I do, but i don’t want you to think I’m easy.

“I’m sorry.” = You’ll be sorry.

“You don’t have to give me a gift.” = Um, yes you do. “All we are going to buy is soap.” = And make up, and clothes, and utensils, and sheets.....

“You’re so manly.” = You need a shave and you smell. “Do you love me?” = I’m going to ask you to buy me something expensive. “Are you listening to me!?” = Too late, you’re dead. “Sure... go ahead.” = Do, and you’ll regret it.

A Chance Encounter ryan gallagher

‘A blind man is more likely to see what he has and be thankful than those that can see.’

ike most people who have had their lives untouched by blindness, I had taken the beauty of the everyday for granted. Little things such as seeing my friends, reading a book, watching TV, and simply seeing life in all its simple beauty. It is exactly a year ago today that my view of the world changed, when I realized that I was ignorant of what I had. On the 11th of December, 2009, I helped a blind lady across the road in Cork. The woman was quite young, in her late twenties. Despite her disability she had style, but it was more than that; she had a presence about her. She held her cane as if it was a jewel to be admired. Her look and posture oozed confidence. I was awe struck. I had never genuinely really thought about blind men or women before. I obviously had felt sorry for them and their burden and wished them a better life, and often I would donate a feweuro here and there if I was to pass a charity stall, but that’s as far as it went.

Despite her disability she had style, but it was more than that; she had a presence about her. Missy was the youngest of five to an average family in west Cork. She has never seen her parents, herself, or anything for that matter. She was born blind. Missy still attended school and finished her degree in social sciences. She said that she used to cry a lot when she was younger; she was jealous of others and was angry at the world for hardships in her life. Her family and herself stopped going to mass and lost faith in

religion. I can understand that. She often heard her parents crying at night, wondering about the future for her after they had gone. Her parents and herself each have two jobs to help pay for a new medical treatment for blindness in Ohio. Missy remains doubtful and does not leave herself hope because it is simply too painful if unsuccessful. There were a lot of sad moments she recalled, but there were happy memories too. She reveals she is much closer to her mother than most children; her Mom is actually her best friend. Missy believes she will live with her Mom till the very end. “One day I just stopped feeling sorry for myself and angry at the world,” she told me. “Life opened up another way to me that you can’t possibly imagine.” She told me try it out. That same day, I decided to experience what being blind is actually like for a twenty four hours. I blindfolded myself and promised myself not to untie it till the next day. It was genuinely the most surreal experience I have ever encountered in my life. I felt utterly helpless. I moved at a snail pace to get around my house. Despite my house being a fairly large country house, I felt an unnerving sense of claustrophobia. I tried going to the bathroom, cooking, washing up and household chores, simple things, and I struggled with all of them. I found all my electrical items and books were useless to me now. My iPod and radio were the only source of comfort, as listening to the TV without seeing it was a strange experience.

thing, but I was more confident. I still didn’t dare attempt to go outside. I was actually scared to do so. Inside your own home you feel somewhat in control but outside feels like a death sentence. After about six hours of being temporarily blind, I took off my blindfold. I simply couldn’t hack it. Everything was just too difficult. My food that I ate was actually half raw, my legs were black and blue, and the house was in a bit of a state. Nonetheless the experience was actually a valuable lesson for me, and one that I would encourage people to try out. You understand a lot about yourself in doing so. My respect and awe for Missy and indeed all people who are blind tripled. She is a much stronger person than I am. To have the courage to go outside, be it the city or country is incredible, such little control over what happens and yet they still venture out and are determined to live a normal life.

I decided to experience what being blind is actually like for a twenty four hours. I blindfolded myself and promised myself not to untie it till the next day.

I took off my blindfold. I simply couldn’t hack it. Everything was just too difficult. My food that I ate was actually half raw, my legs were black and blue, and the house was in a bit of a state. Nonetheless the experience was actually a valuable lesson for me, and one that I would encourage people to try out. You understand a lot about yourself in doing so. My respect and awe for Missy and indeed all people who are blind tripled. She During those few hours I relied on my is a much stronger person than I am. To have other senses to cope. Touch and sound felt the courage to go outside, be it the city or almost magnified. While eventually I became country is incredible, such little control over slightly braver in my movements, I still what happens and yet they still venture out hopped my shin or my head off every second and are determined to live a normal life.

>>Continued on page 37

EGGNOG FOR DUMMIES janice crisp

As a big dirty yank, one of the things associated with Christmas for me is eggnog. Nothing says “Jesus has been born” like a sip of raw eggs covered in cream and alcohol, and it’s just shocking that Ireland hasn’t copped on to this delicious traditional drink. With a taste similar to Bailey’s and a name that comes from the words “egg” and “naggin,” it’s sure to catch on any second, particularly if there’s a movie made about it. Since you can’t seem to be able to buy just-add-alcohol eggnog in tesco, here’s a recipe of your own to get a little silly (and fancy) at your next Christmas party.

- 12 egg yolks - 900g milk - 900g cream - 680g light rum - 400g sugar - 2 and 1/2 teaspoons vanilla essence - 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon

- 3/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg

In a big ol pot on LOW heat, mix the milk, cinnamon, cloves, and half a teaspoon on vanilla essence. Remove from heat just BEFORE the milk starts to boil. While that milk is heating, whisk the sugar in a separate bowl with all them egg yolks. (You’re going to make a really healthy omelet with all those whites, right? Think of the starving children in Africa.) Whisk the milk mixture into the sugar and eggs. When it’s nicely mixed, put back onto the stove. Keep stirring this until it starts to get thick and creamy, like um... cream. Strain this mixture into a jug, removing the cloves. (Seriously, remember to take them bad boys out, otherwise you will have clove soup.) Refrigerate this for about an hour or two. Stir in the cream, rum, the rest of the vanilla, and ground nutmeg. Refrigerate this overnight. Serve with a little ground spice or chocolate flakes on the top to garnish. Drink responsibly!

>>A Chance Encounter continued from page 36 Missy accepts things how they are, she tells me. She is still not comfortable going outside but still does so. She also reveals that she hopes to meet a nice man to settle down with. Despite being young Missy sounded as wise and understanding as a woman twice her age. Missy then rose from her seat, head held high and walked like a

queen into the number nine bus, without me even telling her it had arrived. To this day I am still in awe of these people who leave their fear at the door and venture out to the unknown. Missy taught me a valuable lesson that no school or college could teach. So please if you do see someone blind and struggling, ask them if they need a helpful hand. The blind deserve your respect, not your sympathy.

Fashion Kathryn O’Regan

fashion@motley.ie

On beauty: fi A moment defining force

kathryn o’ regan traces the changing face of female beauty throughout the twentieth century.

n 1990 Corinne Day took photographs of a then 16 year old Kate Moss for The Face magazine. These photographs would go on to be some of the most iconic of the decade. They encapsulated a period of time – a new idea of beauty had emerged. Negative backlash aside – too skinny, too young etc. – this waif child, ‘Heroin Chic’ look of raw, barefaced fragility was a world away from the beauty ideal of the previous decade where toned, athletic bodies and heavily made - up faces reigned supreme. Beauty like light on water is ephemeral; fleeting; changing; but so potent a force it can capture a moment forever.

There would have been no Kate Moss without Twiggy. The beauty ideal that they exemplify is similar – The Pixie Waif -, and they both so happen to represent defining eras in British culture – Moss: the 1990s, Britpop, ‘Cool Britannia’, and Twiggy: 1966, Mods and minis, ‘Swinging London’. Twiggy was ‘The Face of 1966’ – enormous eyes, false lashes and blonde pixie crop. It was a completely new look. It was androgynous and childlike, epitomizing the age of the youth that had now fully emerged.

Twiggy’s big – eyed androgyny was a beauty moment. The notion of beauty prior to this in the 1930s, 1940s and 1950s existed around a grown – up, glamorous ideal. The 1930s saw actresses such as Marlene Dietrich with pencilled eyebrows, permed hair and razor sharp cheekbones. Beauty was about being ‘done up’. By the 1950s a more demure sense of grown - up glamour prevailed. Grace Kelly personified this beauty ideal. An aristocratic, silver screen beauty, she briefly reigned as Princess of Hollywood before marrying Prince Rainier of Monaco to become a real life princess. Her classic good looks and cool Hitchcock blonde demeanour represented this post – war era of refinement. Elegant, graceful, no harsh makeup, and in a sense, the beauty ideal, was indeed, to look like a princess. The youth orientated beauty of the 1960s was similar to that of the 1920s – the age of the Flapper. Middle class women cut their hair and wore knee length skirts and lipstick for the first time. It was radical and it was new. Beauty was suddenly no longer about being prim and proper, but rather about attitude with silent screen stars such as Clara Bow being hailed as beauty icons. Drawn on

Fashion Moment #3

What? When? Why?

Chanel Haute Couture

eyebrows, cupid – bow lips and short, softly waved hair marked the key beauty trends of the era. The post – ‘flower power’ days of the 1970s saw a desire for a more exotic type of beauty. Models such as Tina Chow and Marie Helvin with their multi – cultural parentage and otherworldly beauty created a new beauty ideal. It was a bolder, fresher take on the mainstream idea of beauty than ever before. Perhaps, beginning in the 1980s, the Age of the Supermodel that remained in the public mindset for much of the 1990s presented the whole notion of an unattainable sense of beauty. With Amazonian legs, golden tans, striking faces, lustrous hair, models such as Cindy Crawford, Christy Thurlington and Naomi Campbell marked a new age in beauty: You can’t recreate this, you’re born with it. What’s the mainstream beauty ideal now? Is it the controversial, nymph – like models that float down runways, or perhaps, the oversexed image of actresses such as Megan Fox and Angelina Jolie, or is it the cutesy prettiness of Cheryl Cole? Who is our generation’s Grace Kelly, Twiggy, Kate Moss, Tina Chow, Cindy? Regardless, of who represents this beauty ideal, it must not be considered as something that we must try and adhere to, but instead, rather like a painting or a song, an indicator of our times.

Spring 2008 It may have been a spring collection, but this is the quintessential ‘winter wonderland’ show. Models floated down the runway in beaded, fairytale mini dresses of icy whites and palest blush of pink, and confections of feather and frosty, sequin sparkle. Atop haughty hairdos, Snow Queen tiaras glistened, with dainty ballet flats and sheer white tights signifying a more youthful approach to haute couture.

Fashion in Film #2

Atonement

dream dresses

Film: When: Who?

Atonement

2007

Keira Knightley is Cecelia, in the film adaptation of Ian McEwan’s tragic wartime love story.

class home in a diaphanous, softly floral affair. In later scenes, she’s just as striking in a fashionable swimming ensemble and a suitably sombre navy blue 40s’ coat.

iconic, emerald evening dress. Stunning, simple and sensuous, there’s no need for adornment, when your dress looks as superb as this.

Style? It is 1935, and Cecelia glides through a beautiful, upper

Dress? Satin has never looked as good before or since Knightley’s

Now, Voyager

Film: When? Who?

Style?

Now, Voyager

1942 Bette Davis undergoes a magnificent makeover as soon as she escapes from her mother’s shackles. She takes a cruise and her true self blossoms.

Bette’s Charlotte wears one of cinema’s most brilliant and extensive wardrobes. Neat skirt suits, oversized clutch bags, frilled blouses, floor length skirts and dresses. Hats aplenty too - veiled hair pieces, a glittering flower and tulle creation and a white wide brimmed sun hat. It’s a fashion voyage worth taking.

Although Bette wears a host of spectacular dresses, in one scene, aboard the cruise ship, she attends an evening do wearing a white, chiffon dress, shrouded in a twinkling cape. Capes are everywhere this season, yes, but I’ve yet to see something quite as glorious as this.

Dress?

Rear Windowfi

Film: When? Who?

Style?

Rear Window

1954 Grace Kelly as the wealthy socialite girlfriend to Jimmy Stewart’s wheelchair – bound, window – watching, Jeff.

Who can forget Kelly’s turn as the spoiled, glamorous Lisa? Grace is luminescent in floor – skimming evening gowns, cool green pencil skirt and silk halter top, pearls, feminine veiled hats and gloves, and equally so, in casual attire of slim denim jeans, over sized man’s shirt and loafers.

Although, legendary costume designer, Edith Head, did a pretty fabulous job overall, surely Grace’s Cinderella dress of black bodice and white tulle tutu skirt steals the show?

Dress?

Tis the season to be sparkly kathryn o’ regan provides a handful of tips for ‘party season’ shopping. you better watch out...there could be a few sequins about...

Flick through any fashion magazine in upcoming weeks, and you will more than likely be bombarded with ‘Dressing for the Festive Season’ talk. Often said articles and dodgy features on equally dodgy fashion TV shows are filled with gibberish about sequins and ‘glam’ and twinkly bolero cardigans. Now, don’t get me wrong I’m all for the glitter, mad for the ‘sparkles’ even, but you know what the problem is? Walk into any high street store at this time of year, and it is quite likely you will find yourself rapidly becoming nauseous and gasping for air amid all those darn sequins, diamante detailing and garish satin frocks. Rather than ‘ooohing and ahhing’ over shiny garments, you are making for the nearest exit and probably wondering when did sequins suddenly plot to take over the world...or perhaps, that could just be me? It is a tricky situation wondering what to buy for upcoming festive parties and Christmassy get-togethers. Here are a few tips, just for you; after all, it is the season of goodwill.

Tip 1: All those shiny garments can be temping, but the question must be posed, will you get the wear out of that Santa Clause - red, bejewelled prom dress? Or, will it merely be admired by Granny on Christmas day, and spend the rest of the year hanging up in your wardrobe in fear of losing a faux ruby? Shop sensibly! Don’t fall victim to gimmicky party season buys.

asos €73

Tip 2: I am always wary of The Dress Trap when shopping. Not fa-

topshop €80

miliar? Dresses are wonderful, sure, but you know something, they are a con. That amazing dress with the tulle underskirt and sweetheart neckline and Miu Miu – esque print will still be the same dress, no matter how many accessorising swaps you try out. Those glittery party dresses are probably the worst, there is no disguising them. Perhaps, it is stating the obvious, but in comparison, skirts and tops provide a myriad of mix and match opportunities.

Tip 3: Mammys tend to love sparkle, or at least, mine does. Show

river island €82 warehouse €52 ask..), and later, think to yourself: ‘Wow, that was a little overpriced, I could have got a good coat for that’, then you see why this point needs to be recapped. I might love that black feather monstrosity, that has been termed the ‘dead crow’, but really, let’s be honest, it does not get too much wear beyond the festive season.

her something encrusted in sequins and she’ll probably love it. Beware

Tip 4: It’s winter, it’s cold out. Purchase thick knit tights for cosy days around roaring fires, and glittery and patterned tights – bows, 1940s’ seams and polkadots – for yuletide nights.

Tip 6: You probably could get through the entire festive season

Tip 5: Tip 1 needs to be reiterated: Think before you buy. If you are

anything like me, and convince the world that you do, in fact, need a cardigan/shawl thing made entirely of thick black feathers (don’t

without a single sequin, but you won’t, without a good, warm coat. Invest in a practical, but perhaps, a little fancy coat, that will see you through many a chilly winter’s day to freezing night. left: Stella McCartney Fall 2007 right: Mr. Darcy rocking his Christmas number

Let’s be honest the majority of the holiday season, is spent lounging on the sofa, consuming copious quantities of food and drink and happily making your way through box sets. More than likely, you will be wearing your pyjamas, or a big, cosy wool jumper. Be sure that comfy knit has a scattering of snowflakes or a prancing reindeer or two, as surely, everyone needs a novelty Christmas sweater?

tesco €19

topshop €56

pennys €15

Lads styled by Andrew McDonnell, Girls styled by Kathryn O Reagan. hair and make up,Laura Hastings models: Ciara McDonnell, Jennifer Larkin, Orla O’ Connell, andrew mcdonnell, john vereker and stephen buckley

ciara wears: jumper €68, jeans €61, boots €103, blouse €49, scarf €24, all topshop andrew wears: shoes €110, knit €60, shirt €30, chinos €48, all topman

Spend Christmas Day snuggled up in cosy, jovial jumpers with family and cups of cocoa.

It’s the Holiday Season

Dress up neat and tidy for Christmas Eve in festive furs and winter warmers to keep the biting cold at bay.

jennifer wears: dress €61, coat €144, flats €43, bag €28, hair bows €9, all topshop. john wears: scarf €50, bag €105, jeans €100, gloves €60, hat €48 jacket €165, shoes models own all ted baker

Sparkle like the star a top the Christmas Tree for New Year’s Eve parties

orla wears: dress €60, jacket €55, bag €30, all a wear. ankle boots €122, topshop stephen wears: shoes €70, blazer €100, shirt €48, tie €12 jean €50, all topman

Fashion

fashion@motley.ie

Andrew McDonnell

Christmas time is almost upon us. Not only does this mean free presents, legitimate reasons for doing absolutely nothing and scoffing our faces with our own body weight in food but also that Christmas fashion is upon us! I don’t know about you but in my house we still have ‘Christmas clothes’, meaning upon waking up on christmas morning we must make an obligatory trip to mass and wear clothes bought specifically for the occasion. Thus Christmas mass has now become a type of fashion show and who wants to show up looking like crap??! Of course after you get home you have all your relatives calling up and you don’t want to be lounging around in your jim-jams (I don’t actually own any ‘jim-jams’.....) or trackies do you?? Otherwise you may be labelled the ‘least stylish’ family member; I would hope no-one wants that embarrassment hanging over them! Therefore I have compiled many festive looks to suit these festive occasions from family visits to lounging around the house attire. These looks may also be good ideas for a present or two if there’s anyone reading thinking ‘What can I get him for christmas?’

HATS Wooly, light, heavy, with flaps, without flaps, eskimo style? Beany style? With a peak? Without a peak? A casual hat or a more formal hat? Trapper hat?? Knitted hat?? Drivers Cap... (or as we like to call it the Farmers Cap).... Clearly there are many variations of the hat so which one should you buy? This depends on a number of factor, and the frist factor is your face shape. Some people simply don’t look good in hats (me being one of those ‘some people’) However with the weather not getting any better and the temperature descending rapidly I think a good quality hat is essential. The longer your face the greater your need to wear a hat ‘with flaps’ or a peak (driver Cap) to try and balance out your face. Eskiimo & ‘Farmer’ style hats are all the rage, didn’t you know?! ©StockPhoto Then there are those who can wear any kind of hat and they look great so it’s all about knowing what suits you and what doesn’t. Next factor to bear in mind is ‘setting’. Where will you be when wearing the hat? If you go to a formal dinner wearing a beanie I very much doubt you’ll make it to the starter without someone asking WTF is on your head. The casual hat is generally suited to outdoor trips and should very rarely be worn indoors. Then there is the ‘formal’ hat you know like the one Neyo wears?? Anyone? This can be worn almost anywhere and is more style over practicality so don’t wear this type of hat on a fieldtrip to some mountains and expect to be well protected from the elements! (I learned my lesson..I really did...).

Christmas Looks

©Missoni

Scarves

missoni autumn/ winter 2010

In very much the same vein as hats scarves share a lot of similarities. First off there are three types of scarves: lightwear, heavy-knit and what I like to call ‘all rounders’. The light-wear scarve (reminiscent of a table cloth) can be worn in Winter, Summer, Autumn, indoors, outdoors.. pretty much anywhere. Similar to the ‘formal’ hat these scarves are far more style over substance and offer little in the way of actual warmth. Whereas the heavy-wear scarf gives you the warmth you need and should only be worn outdoors when you’re freezing! The ‘all-rounder’ scarf ’ is basically the most traditional scarf out there and is on a border-line between both ‘heavy’ and ‘light-weight’ scarves. I would suggest wearing indoors only if cold but you can never wear this on a night out nor can you use it to ‘spruce’ up an outfit like the lightweight scarf. Similar to the heavy scarf this is practical just not as warm.

Jeans or Chinos?

dries van noten autumn/winter 2010

This depends on the setting; for your ‘lazing around the house’ chinos are the way to go. This is because they are comfortable (more so than jeans) stylish and festive (combined with you heavy knits and scarves people) and perfect for being indoors when the ol’ relatives call asking ‘Where did you get your pants??’ Where did you get your cardi, it’s amazing’ Chinos can be worn in any colour you want as long as your colour coordination abilities are good, otherwise bring a friend with you. Jeans can be worn on your trip to the church, I would recommend a narrow leg and dark denim, it doesn’t have to be black if you don’t want it to be but light denim just feels very 1990s to me.

Jackets

©Men Style

Festive Knitwear Okay so it’s Christmas and thus I feel at least one piece of heavy knitwear is in order! Not only is it stylish but also very practical I have been living in my knit for a week now and it is so warm I wear it everywhere. Many of the High-street chains are seeing this rejuvenation in heavy knitwear and stocking up. Since it is Christmas I recommend getting knitted cardigans and jumpers as these can be worn outdoors and indoors so you are still warm but stylish at the same time. However I would suggest maybe steering clear of big mad ‘reindeer’ or ‘holly’ infested knitwear as perhaps it may be a bit much?? This of course depends on whether you want to wear it all year round or just for the occasion. If your response is the latter then by all means go for it!

This is my very last piece of the ‘What to wear’ Christmas pudding. A heavy-wear double breasted jacket a la ‘Penn Badgely’ would be perfect for your little trip to relatives and just being outdoors in general. Saying that however, there are great single-breasted jackets as well. It is more about knowing what suits your body-type and height, Generally the smaller you are the shorter the length of the jacket, depending on the style ©Getty Images of the coat itself (tapered, regular fitting). I would say ask a shop assistant or your friend for an opinion on which looks better. Generally single breasted jackets suit shorter guys better than the double-breast fit. To make it that bit more festive a coloured jacket is recommended. Pea coats in blue look fantastic with anything, of course the colour choice is both up to your complexion and how comfortable you would feel wearing it. Length wise I would suggest at a more formal look (3/4 length jacket), lapels, high collar look (depending on height) for the church/ trip to relatives on Christmas day. This gives you a more stylish sophisticated style while also being festive and fun if the coat is blue or red or green!

The point of all this? and the reason I included nothing on Christmas parties, can be summed up by one Alexander Wang: “Anyone can get dressed up and glamorous, but it is how people dress in their days off that is most intriguing”

- Have a merry Christmas and a fashionable New Year!

Best Dressed Men December 2010: Some men have it & some men don’t, style is something which you simply cannot fake or in the same sense define. Which men have truly discovered their revere for styling and can walk down that red carpet with their head held high?? Please read on to discover who has made it into this months best dressed list,

PENN BADGELY: Minus the expression Penn is looking good on the set of ‘Gossip Girl’. Penn has not recieved as much attention as his gossip girl co-stars Chace Crawford and Ed Westwick, however this may change soon enough if he continues dressing like this. Penn has combined slim fit denims with slightly pointed tan boots and a doublebreasted grey military style jacket. Each item brings the ensemble together nicely. Penn shoulders are shown off with the military jacket giving his ©PacificCoastNews.com upper regions structure due to the fit of the jacket. The details in the jacket such as the lapelle and double button add to Penn’s body shape lengthening the torso while bringing the eye to the shoulders.The tan colour of the boots are a great choice with the grey jacket and blue denim. In theory it may not seem a good choice but together it works well. Penn did good. I am sorry but I just can’t resist.... you know you love me xoxo....

And then there is the Worst dressed man or in this case worst dressed ‘band’... ONE DIRECTION: This is a perfect example of when too many looks are put together and as a result destroy the entire outfit. Individually some pieces are great such as the scarves and blazers, both formal pant work really well....but the jeans are just horrible. Niall?? far left..the irish one?? is wearing jeans which are too creased and baggy to be tucked behind white runners.. white runners??... The jeans are also the wrong colour for the blazer he has on, tighter dark denim would have suited his look much better. The same can be said for Liam (far right). Next to Niall? (second from left) he also needs to get rid of those grey/black speckled trousers what the??! Some of the lads looks have massive potential and could have been very stylish, this point is most valid for the lads not mentioned above. The reason they made the ‘worst dressed’ this month is because their looks aren’t cohesive. However it must be said that I don’t blame the lads, I blame the lads stylist, by trying to make them appear ‘trendy’ they were over processed and as a consequence the final result was a mismatch of epic proportions!

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Michael Holland

LGBT Fashion Show...

in aid of breast cancer awareness held in chambers.

©Emmet Curtin

motley december 2010 - issue no. 3