February by Aisling Twomey

motley february 2011 - issue no. 5 ucc official magazine

Your Country, Your Call Taking Stock of the Issues

The Network

UCCâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s New Media Outlet

Oscar Bait

We take our picks for Best Film

Avant Garde! Go vintage and vibrant this Spring

Editor Aisling Twomey

The General Election is on my case, and it’s not letting up. We went from not being able to get rid of a Government to very suddenly not having one at all- and then into an election campaign on a fierce scale. One party snipes at another, one politician makes cutting comments and another replies in course- and all the while, the Motley writers are thinking about what questions to ask the doorstep callers. The 2011 General Election is likely to change the shape of our governance for the next decade; a decade in which we could see boom and bust again with ease unless we learn good management skills. Students are a huge part of the political frontier- over 180,000 third level students are eligible to vote on the 25th of February- that’s no small thing, and every vote counts. To that end, we put politics on the cover for this issue and our point is clear; students aren’t a small number or a small vote. We count in ways you can’t even believe; we are the ones who have inherited a disaster, we are the ones who’ll have to pay for the past- we have a decision to make now as to how we want the future to be. Take your voice to a voting booth and scribble your choice; it takes five minutes- but it lasts five years.

The Team aisling twomey adam dinan

Current Affairs Editor Deputy Editor In

Chief - currentaffairs@motley.ie

audrey dearing kellie morrissey

Features Editor - features@motley.ie

entertainments@motley.ie

john murphy

Deputy Entertainment Editor -

entertainments@motley.ie

siobhán meehan

Interviews and Local Editor -

local@motley.ie

kathryn o regan andrew mcdonnell

Fashion Editor - fashion@motley.ie

fashion@motley.ie

michael holland muire o hara daithi Linnane

Photographic Editor - photo@motley.ie

Editor In Chief - editor@motley.ie

Entertainment Editor -

Men’s Fashion Editor -

Design/ Layout - layout@motley.ie Advertising Editor - advertising@uccsu.ie

Contents On the cover... 05-08 Your Country, Your Call- General Election 2011 Special 44.

Avant Garde- Dramatic fashion rises up in UCC

14.

Oscar Bait- The Motley Crew hedge their bets for Best Film at this yearâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Oscars

06.

The Network- UCCâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s new media outlet takes the stage with Lorna Buttimer

Current Affairs 09.

Sean O Se brings us back to the Troubles and argues the toss for mending the scars

12.

Paul Barry considers the changes coming about in the League of Ireland

Entertainments 27.

Andy O Mahoney takes us through some of the best plot moments of video games

28.

Brian Byrne takes a skance at some cancelled tv shows you might remember...

Features 32.

Audrey Dearing argues for a change in our perception of the perfect body

37.

Cathal Brennan looks back to his childhood and learns a valid lesson about himself

Fashion

Fashion P. 42

40.

Kathryn O Regan thinks about the obscure style icons of the music business

47.

Andrew McDonnell finds out about the good stuff that is Vintage fashion

Current Affairs

currentaffairs@motley.ie

Adam Dinan

Never let your schooling interfere with your education adam dinan

friend of mine recently informed me that, instead of renting a house for the next college term, he was thinking about squatting in one of the various ghost estates left from the demise of Celtic Tiger-era Ireland. I initially laughed, assuming that he was joking, but having listened to his rationale I took the proposition a bit more seriously. After all, why line the pockets of a landlord, thus contributing to a status quo which maintains extortionate rent prices for properties within any reasonable distance of University, when you can take advantage of shelter that’s going unused? Granted there are severe inconveniences: you wouldn’t have running water, electricity, or gas. For most of us, an utterly incomprehensible scenario. But never mind the details, they aren’t essential: the bottom line of this thoughtexperiment, and what got me really thinking afterwards, was the concept of taking a definite stance, bucking the trend and standing up for one’s principles. We live in a society in which very many of us are forced

– conditioned might be a more appropriate verb – to participate in systems which, if we had ever been asked to consider them, wewould find ourselves ideologically opposed to. As a member of our society, I was almost certain to receive a State education (statistically a Catholic State education) and hence to be subjected to a very particular set of values which were instilled in me, but which I had never really been asked to think about in their own right. I took them at face value. In my own case—and much to the chagrin of quite a few of my teachers—this modus operandi didn’t have the desired effect; I’ve come to my own conclusions in time, based upon contemplation and reflection. In fact, it’s fair to say that in the majority of cases where I’ve applied critical thought, I have come up with the opposite conclusion to that conferred on me by “social wisdom” throughout my youth, be it in questions of social justice, equality, our attitude towards the environment, our treatment of other species, etc.

Six questions I’ll be asking every canvasser genevieve shanahan

s you have probably noticed, it’s election season. In a democracy such as ours, we like to think the common people of Ireland have some sort of influence on the governing of the country throughout the term of a leadership. However, it’s only when the candidates begin vying for votes that our opinions and concerns take on visceral importance. For the next couple of weeks each of us holds one unit of immediate bargaining power in our constituencies. Naturally many of us will be predominantly concerned with the financial situation and how each particular candidate expects to lift us out of it. Furthermore those issues of social justice I would have a particular concern for are intimately bound up with the budget. However, there is little the current contenders will be able to change in that regard. Instead, I present a brief selection of those questions of constitutional and legislative concern I will be asking when my election hopefuls come a-knocking.

Richard Dawkins once said that “we are going to die, and that makes us the lucky ones”. What he meant was that we are astonishingly lucky to be alive in the first place. The probability of the genetic combination that forms any one of us actually occurring is vanishingly small. And yet it did occur, because you’re reading this. I think this is a good ethos with which to approach life, and questions of morality. We should appreciate the fact that we have the experience of being alive at all and try to make the most of it. Using this approach in our social context, I arrive at a number of conclusions, all based around a central concept: that every person should be given the opportunity to live their life to the full, regardless of the wealth of their parents, regardless of sexual orientation, regardless of geography, regardless of any external factors over which they have no influence. If this were the guiding mentality of our society, it would certainly look very different.

1. Do you believe that blasphemy should be a criminal offence? Would you support removing the reference to blasphemy in the constitution, as recommended by the Constitutional Review Group in 1996 and the 2008 All-Party Committee on the Constitution? The blasphemy law protects an idea rather than citizens, and incentivises the kind of religious outrage that has caused so much unrest in recent times. Its inclusion was a regressive mistake in need of rectification. 2. Would you vote to ensure that religious bodies are treated the same as secular organizations under equality and employment legislation? As things stand, religious institutions, including the vast majority of schools and hospitals, are exempted from legislation prohibiting discrimination in the selection of job candidates. They are allowed to do so inorder to protect the ‘religious ethos’ of the organization. This means that LGBT employees especially are often at risk of losing their jobs or not being hired in the first place if their orientation is revealed. 3. Do you believe in the rights of all Irish children to have their existence recognised by the state? Would you extend the same legal protections to the children of same-sex couples as those of heterosexual couples? While LGBT

>>Continued on page 12

Hypocrisy of Students Union’s gender stance luke p. field

n the last edition of this magazine, I wrote an article that cast a critical eye over the state of student politics in UCC; shortly thereafter, the Students’ Union held a very successful event to discuss the circumstances of female participation in student politics. The always-low involvement of women in the SU has – rightly – been a popular topic for quite some time now, and most would agree that something needs to be done in order to increase female participation so that there is a significant representation from both men and women throughout SU operations. Typically, those who agree fall into one of two broad camps: those who want topdown reform, and would look at introducing quotas for female officers/reps to encourage new female blood to come through; and those who want bottom-up reform, who would seek to change the fundamental culture of student politics to make it less chauvinistic and more open to female participation that would naturally lead to strong female candidates coming through for the officer/ rep positions. I’m in the latter camp; I’m currently of the opinion that the only way to create sustainable female involvement is to change the fundamental chauvinistic elements of student culture and make it an environment wherein non-traditional candidates (especially of the female variety) can thrive. I was happy to see the SU bringing together a group to discuss the realities of female participation in student politics. I was then depressed by the details of the UCC Tramps Ball, as listed on Facebook recently. This is UCC Students’ Union’s flagship event during Raise & Give Week, held on the Thursday night. And for those who haven’t seen the page, amongst the various drinks deals, patrons are promised “Playboy Strippers” and a “Photo Booth with PLAYBOY BUNNY”. I found myself wondering more and moream I the only one who is genuinely disturbed to see this offered at an official SU event? Over a thousand people have said they are attending the event. Looking through the names, I see that there are at least ten wellknown UCCSU figures (both male and

female) across these two groups, and there are a whopping 7,000 other people who have yet to reply to their invitation. The three people credited with creating the event page are all male, and are all (apparently) currently working as campus/student reps for various bars in the city. “So what?” you might ask. The problem with this event is that it’s an official SU event, being held at a time when the SU is supposedly determined to improve the prospects for female students getting involved with SU activities. This event, however, does not send out the message that the SU views men and women as truly “equal”. It continues with the trend of stressing that men and women have specific social roles that they have to operate within. Like it or not, holding an official SU event featuring female strippers sends out the message that in the SU, women are there to be objectified for their physicality and serve no other purpose. In many ways, it’s

telling that the names of three men are associated with creating the event, while the SU Entertainments Officer – a woman – is merely listed as “attending”. There is no way to sugar-coat this – truly successful female participation in student politics will always struggle until the culture war is won and sexism has been successfully purged. The ‘10/’11 academic year saw the creation of the first-ever UCCSU Gender Equality Officer, and yet it also saw the Tramps Ball, which, if it is as successful as the SU undoubtedly hopes it will be, will have far greater attendance – and therefore, cultural impact – than the female participation seminar. Forgive me for being blunt, but these are the facts as I see them: if this incredibly sexist and regressive event goes ahead, UCCSU will have utterly failed its students by taking one step forward and two steps back in the gender equality campaign.

When asked to comment on the articles points, SU President Keith O' Brien said: "The tenuous attempts to link a night-club event, run by Tara Copplestone (SU Ents) and the promotions team, to some imaginary sexism preventing women from getting involved in the SU or being placed in an organising role, don't stand up to scrutiny. Tara is the main organiser of nearly all SU events and in charge of all Ents Reps, Catriona O' Driscoll as Council Chair (possibly the second most influential role in the SU) is in charge of all 200 Academic Reps, and there are various Undergraduate and Postgraduate College Reps who are women.

she should dress or should not dress. Had Mr. Field actually attended the SU Seminar on Women's Participation in Student Politics, he would have known this, as it was angrily read out by a female member of the audience stating the same. The SU in UCC has done more to combat sexism and promote equality than any other SU. As Welfare Officer in 2008-09 I campaigned (now successfully) for legislation on the Morning After Pill to be available over the counter, made it SU policy to allow prochoice groups on campus, set up a StaffStudent Equality panel, and I supported 2 successful female candidates in the 2009 SU Sabbatical Elections. In 2010 the SU supported a female candidate for USI President, Linda Kelly, who is now gaining national notoriety as a campaigner on women's issues, and we also created a SU Equality Officer and a Gender Equality Officer.

I think comments like the ones found in Mr. Field's previous article are far more detrimental to female involvement in the SU than a nightclub event. He stated (about potential SU candidates) that "there's usually a few old reliable clichés to make up the numbers; ... the female candidate who says “she’s running to make the SU less sexist” and then proceeds to sexualise images of herself ”. This reduced the legitimacy of any female And now for SU Elections 2011 we have 3-4 candidate running for the SU, and instantly potential female candidates for 3-4 Sabbatical made it about how conservative/provocative positions in the SU. Sexist? Look again.

Current Affairs

New student TV channel launched

lorna buttimer gives us the lowdown on the

Jamie Hooper TV, after our exuberant Auditor, were not considered very appealing!)

latest addition to student media.

hether cinematic or experimental, creative or stupidly pretentious, the newly re-launched Film Society in UCC is all about making movies. With this in mind, and with a renewed passion and vigour, the society has become involved in an initiative that will transform student media on campus and beyond.

However, when the concept was suggested to Daithi Linnane, Deputy President of the Students Union, and the UCC Journalism Society, who both jumped on board, we knew we were in business. With their help the show was named and a format developed. The Journalism society have brought much needed media experience allowing us to take the leap from storyboard to a realisation.

When the group was re-established last year, we set ourselves three goals: to get a shiny new camera, to get the know-how to use it and to make some movies. Since September, this is the mission that the society has committed itself to. Over the last four months, with resourcefulness, dedication and perseverance, we got that cool, shiny camera and the know-how to at least not break it.

The show will follow the roots of similar programmes in the University of Limerick, Dublin City University, and elsewhere, inthat it will consist of news items and updates on recent campus events. But we also hope that it will progress and develop into a fully fledged online channel, encompassing a variety of different content under the banner of The Network. Various other features will be hosted; with anything and everything that UCC students, clubs and societies have to offer. In time, we hope to have a music show (provisionally known as ‘The Amp’) which will follow budding musicians and artists on campus. There will be interviews, news on sports fixtures, vox pops, and so on. The list is endless, as is the potential.

With the first two aims achieved, we turned our attention to the latter. The society questioned what kind of things it should make, things that UCC students would get involved in and watch. It was at this point, coinciding with a trip to DCU to participate in the first ever Irish film intervarsities, that the concept for ‘The Network’ was born.

we also hope that it will progress and develop into a fully fledged online channel, encompassing a variety of different content under the banner of The Network.

On returning, we resolved to make a TV style show that would be student orientated and concentrate on student issues. We felt this would add more diversity to student journalism and be a fantastic experience for those interested in media. But alas, we were unsure of the content, style or even the approach to take. We were also lacking a title for the proposed project (suggestions such as The Box and

Filming for the first episode is currently underway, and is being treated as a pilot for the show. It will serve as a summary of the major events on campus that have been recorded up until now, but also on more recent happenings, including highlights from the capacity-audience Howard Marks talk last month. Next year, it is planned that ‘The Network’ will be produced and aired on a monthly basis or thereabouts. We hope to have a dictated committee and crew established to run it, with some help from the Journalism and Film societies. Anyone who wants to learn more or to get involved—be it in hosting, researching, writing news reports or helping out on the film crew—should send an email to film@uccsocieties.ie For updates on ‘The Network’ or on UCC Film Society, watch our Facebook!

Success varies for USI as attention shifts to elections laura harmon speaks to former deputy president of the union of students in ireland, cónán ó broin, about usi and its main campaigns.

he Union of Students in Ireland is a national representative organisation for students. It represents 280,000 students and is recognised by the Government. All students of University College Cork are members of the Union of Students of Ireland. According to Cónán Ó Broin, former Deputy President and Campaigns Officer of the organisation, the main aims of USI are to help as many people as possible to have access to third level education and to ensure that the quality of this education is high. In addition to this, USI aims to ensure that the welfare and wellbeing of these students in maintained while they are studying. The current USI team took up office last July and in the run-up to the budget were largely focused on financial issues. The three main topics in the run-up to the budget were fees, the maintenance grant and graduate emigration. On November 3rd of last year, USI organised one of the largest student demonstrations ever to be held in Ireland to show the opposition that students have in relation to increases in tuition fees and grant cuts. ‘We were told by people who were at demonstrations in the sixties that this was the largest student demonstration that they had ever seen in this country’, maintains Cónán. He believes that UCC Students’ Union officers played a large role in helping to organise this demonstration and believes that it was unfortunate that the media coverage of the day drew attention away from the purpose behind the campaign itself. ‘We were not happy with the increase in the registration fee and campaigned vigourously by meeting with the Minister for Education, Tánaiste and many others in the run-up to the budget.’ However, Cónán says that it is largely due to the help USI received from Students’ Unions around the country that the initial proposed increase to €3000 was reduced to €2000. ‘This was certainly not a victory but everything that could be done to prevent this increase was done’, explains Cónán.

In terms of the 4% reduction in the maintenance grant, USI were not happy, but it was an across-the-board cut which also affected unemployment benefit. Everybody took that hit, apart from the Pension, which remained untouched. ‘One thing we were furious about’, explains Cónán, ‘were the changes to the adjacent and non-adjacent rates for the maintenance grant.’ The maximum amount a student can receive for an adjacent grant is €2500 and for the non-adjacent it’s €6500. Previously, a student had to live more than 24km away to be eligible to apply for the non-adjacent rate. The Government have now doubled this distance to 45km, meaning that a student may have to travel up to 90km in one day to and from college incurring large petrol/transport expenses and still may not be eligible to apply for non-adjacent rate. On average, 25000 students were hit by cuts of €1700 and some by as much as €3800. Cónán believes that these figures ‘may drive many out of education.’ The change in distances is something which will not be implemented until June and will be up to the new Government to decide. USI are currently actively speaking to candidates from all political parties on this issue.

for between July and October and which was mentioned by the Minister for Finance on budget day. This programme would allow graduates to gain experience in the public or private sector while still being able to claim Jobseekers’ Allowance – though legislation will need to be put in place for this. ‘We lobbied for 20000 places under this scheme and got 15000 places which we were relatively happy with’, explains Cónán. ‘It is vital that graduates gain the necessary experience they need but also that safe grounds are in place so that graduates cannot be exploited by employers.’ In addition to this, the USI propose two more initiatives – a National Skills Programme and an Entrepreneurship Programme. Cónán believes that Fás fails to provide basic office skills and this is something that needs to be offered under a National Skills Programme. He recognises also that many graduates from all disciplines may not possess the knowledge to set up their own business and hope that an optional Entrepreneurship Programme would be of benefit to these students. ‘We have had positive feedback so far from two university presidents in relation to these two programmes and hope they can be implemented in the future’, explains Cónán.

When it comes to the matter of emigration, USI’s main focus at the moment is on the USI have issued a Graduate Unemployment Policy. This includes a suggested Graduate upcoming general election, as officers travel around the country in a bid to ensure that Internship Programme which they lobbied students are registered to vote.

Current Affairs

Policies, not personalities, will fix the country. sarah slevin

the day, and the direction of the Irish economy over the next few decades will probably be decided by the incoming government.

However, it’s not widely known that this particular curse is actually part of a triumvirate. The second of these says “May you come to the attention of important people”. This could also be considered an accurate prognostication, as it’s easy to imagine we weren’t at the top of the EU’s Christmas card list this year. This trend doesn’t bode well for the third of these Chinese curses, but I’ll get to that one later.

General election fever is starting to take hold, and with that, the political sniping has begun in earnest. With the atmosphere that surrounds the chambers of Leinster House, the studios of RTÉ and the doorsteps of Ireland, the public could be forgiven for believing that all we are getting is more of the same. Whilst they’re arguing among themselves, the rest of us are left to pick up the pieces of the disastrous past few years. Politicians now need to stand up and be counted, to put the country’s interests before their own and act like true representatives and leaders. Their time has come.

here is an ancient curse, generally believed to be of Chinese origin, that says “May you live in interesting times”. While not generally the superstitious type, I have recently been pondering whether we Irish unwittingly angered the good people of China. ‘Interesting’ would be one of the more insipid terms used to describe the past few years in this country.

general election fever is starting to take hold, and with that, the political sniping has begun in earnest. with the atmosphere that surrounds the chambers of leinster house, the studios of rté and the doorsteps of ireland, the public could be forgiven for believing that all we are getting is more of the same.

The interesting times are set to continue, as the long-awaited general election approaches. The 2011 election will probably go down in the annals of history as one of the most important we have ever faced. The list of issues to be tackled grows longer by

Equally though, our time has come. Much has changed since we elected the outgoing government, and there is a pervading sense that they outstayed their welcome. We are now tasked with electing those we believe best placed to bring about economic redemption. More than ever, who we vote for could have a substantial impact on the medium term future of Ireland. This is why it is crucial we know exactly who we’re voting for, and what they stand for. However, this can often be hard to decipher through the haze of political crossfire and indignant rhetoric. In Britain during their last election, an online campaign was started called “Vote for Policies, not Personalities”. Over 290,000 people completed an online survey that compared

what each party intended to do and helped people “make an unbiased decision as to who to vote for”. While such a campaign would be difficult to imitate in Ireland due to our more complicated electoral system, the purpose would be just as admirable. While ‘Yes We Can’ politics has its place in promoting unity and inclusion, it should not be substituted for solid policies and objectives. Nonetheless, it is understandably easy to get swept away in sea of slogans and smiling politicians on street lamps.

as young people, we are concerned about job prospects, and the changing society that surrounds us. We should make our voices heard, as it is our future we are voting on. For many of us in college, this is our first general election. If you have no interest in politics, getting engaged with the upcoming election would be worthwhile, even just for the entertainment value of it all. Equally, as young people, we are concerned about job prospects, and the changing society that surrounds us. We should make our voices heard, as it is our future we are voting on. No matter which party, independent candidate or otherwise we plan to vote for, let’s hope it leads to a government willing and able to drag us out of our economic black hole. That last Chinese curse? “May you find what you are looking for”. I, for one, hope this is less of a curse and more the heralding of a new beginning. This is because it seems the Chinese know what they’re doing when it comes to foretelling the future.

Forgotten era still casts a shadow over Northern Ireland

seán ó sé believes that the british government must acknowledge its part in the northern irish troubles to bring peace to the families of victims.

he past is a different country. Last Sunday as I marched from Creggan to Free Derry corner this is a phrase that came to me. 39 years ago on the very route that I was walking, ordinary people, no different from you or me, were shot down by British soldiers. Almost four decades on, the memory of Bloody Sunday still haunts the city of Derry. Most of the barbed wire is gone. There are no longer slurs of ‘paddy’ being hurled by camouflaged men with cockney accents. However, the ghosts of that occupied city still abound. The entire six counties are a very different place today to what they were in 1972. Internment had just been introduced which rounded up Catholics like cattle and imprisoned them without trial. Many of those interned were active members of the civil rights movement. This was on top of the everyday treatment that the nationalist community received from a government dominated by members of the Orange Order: Catholics were discriminated against when it came housing, education and voting. The situation came to a head when nationalists began to organise themselves into a civil rights group and were beaten on the streets by a sectarian police force—the RUC—and the paramilitary police reserves, the B-Specials. This sparked a resistance from which the IRA emerged.

The families of those killed on that infamous Sunday in 1972 were forced to wait until June last year to receive any form of apology from the British government for what had happened to their loved ones. A report was published in April of that year by Lord Widgery which absolved the British soldiers of all blame for what had happened. This report blamed the civil rights protestors and attempted to blacken the names of those who were killed. This was particularly harrowing for the families of the deceased. Bloody Sunday is but one example of British cover-ups and whitewashes of events that have happened in Ireland. Another such event was the murder of well known human rights lawyer Pat Finucane. The Stevens Report, published in 2003, admitted that there had been collusion between police and loyalist paramilitaries. The loyalists were given the information they needed and were allowed to carry out the killings without fear of prosecution. In August 1971, eleven innocent people were murdered in the Ballymurphy area by British soldiers roaming the streets. One of

those slain was a priest giving the last rites to a fellow victim. Another was Francis Quinn who had come to the aid of a wounded man. No British soldier was ever brought to account for these killings and the families have never received any form of recognition from the British government. These families are now campaigning for an inquiry into the deaths of their loved ones. There are countless more injustices that were carried out at the hands of the British authorities all over Ireland. Thankfully we now live in a time of peace and reconciliation. There have been trojan efforts on both sides of the community divide to bring those formerly in conflict together. Former loyalist paramilitaries and former members of the IRA have come together in many community projects and in many areas work together for the aid of their respective communities. However, the British government has still many questions to answer about its role in the troubles. They have still to come forward and explain their role in killings right across this country. Until they do many families still are haunted by the ghosts of the past.

Current Affairs

Gender quotas won’t be the final solution females are just one sector of society not adequately represented in irish politics, writes

michelle mccarthy.

s the general election looms, the main concern for most people is the dire economic condition in which the country lies and ending a culture of corruption that many of us perceive to have shrouded Irish politics for far too long. We’ve heard much promises of a new dawn and of “doing things differently”. For many, a crucial question is when and how we are going to see more female TDs representing us in the Dáil. According to research by the Oireachtas Joint Committee on Justice, Equality and Law Reform, Ireland ranks 84th in the world when it comes to women sitting in parliament – to put that in perspective it’s well behind some sub-Saharan African countries. There seems to be a general attitude that it would be a nice thing to have more women in the Dáil – considering females make up over 50% of the population and just 13% of sitting TDs. Yet the one thing that no one can seem to agree on is exactly how to bring this change about and whether it’s the most worthwhile cause to fight for right now when our financial meltdown seems to dwarf all other issues. The idea of reserving special seats for women reeks to many of a huge potential for tokenism. In August 2010, when the Irish Times spoke to the then-sitting 23 female TDs, 14 of them said they would be opposed to the idea, with only eight supporting and one undecided. Mary White of the Green party, although wanting to “push forward” the level of women’s participation in politics, was concerned. She noted that “many people say to me, if a woman gets elected under a quota system does it diminish that person?” Would the public have less respect for a person who was deemed to be in a position not for her ability or popularity, but because her seat was “kept” for her?

However, others believe that waiting for change to occur on its own will take too long and that we need to tackle the maledominated culture of politics head-on by taking effective positive steps to ensure balance. Speaking in UCC, at the recent Women in Politics seminar, Dr. Fiona Buckley of the Government Department noted that “gender quotas are an important facilitator of change and give women an opportunity to participate by acting as a kick-start to increased female involvement”. In referring to academic literature, she stated that having female candidates boosts the interest and political knowledge of other women. Rwanda is the shining example often rolled out of where setting a quota acted as a base-line from which female politicians advanced. The country sets aside 30% of parliament seats for women, but in 2008, females won almost an equal number of non-reserved seats, bringing their total proportion of MPs to 56% (women do constitute a slightly higher number of the population than men in Rwanda since the genocide that took place there). Many commentators have remarked that this has had the effect of bringing about the adoption of many different types of policies which were not on the cards previously. A more palatable suggestion for many that has been touted by the likes of Senator Ivana Bacik is requiring that one third of the candidates selected by a party to contest a general election must be female, but that there is no quota for those actually elected. Considering that candidate selection is one of the 5 main barriers often noted to female participation (the other four being cash, care, culture and confidence), this could effectively remove one hurdle to running without distorting democracy. Consider a situation in which an ethnic group made

up 50% of the population and only 13% of Parliament – would we not think it necessary to address some of the barriers they purported to face? Yet some feel that even this requirement is demeaning. Labour Party TD Joanna Tuffy feels that gender quotas “treat women as if they need to be wrapped in cotton wool and protected from the vagaries of having to run against their fellow human beings, men, for selection”. Many people’s objection to the quota system is based on a mistrust of our politicians bringing in a workable system. One example of progressive intentions backfiring on women was the vocational education committee (VEC) initiative some years back. Legislation was brought in stating that woman had to be appointed to VECs in the proportion that they were elected to the council, i.e. if half the council was female and there were 4 seats, 2 of them had to be occupied by women. However, in a number of counties, this would have meant “too many” women being put on VECs. For example, in Meath, one-third of the members elected to the council were female but more than one-third of the VEC nominees were female. This resulted in qualified women having to step down so that proportions could be maintained. There are so many ways in which our Dáil can be seen to be unrepresentative, consider the lack of TDs with a disability, the lack of working class TDs, the lack of L,G,B or T TDs, the fact that we’ve never had a member of the travelling community represent us… But because women are not a minority in the numerical sense, they have a larger collective voice. It’s important to remember that achieving a more balanced gender ratio in the Dáil would not mean that we’d have achieved full equality of representation for all of society.

Obamantics aisling twomey reviews barack obama’s track record in office, and finds plenty to be optimistic about.

arack Obama must have known what he was facing when he stood up to make that momentous speech on a cold November night in 2008. The sense of responsibility must have been overwhelming; he had only been a Senator since 2005, and suddenly he was going to be the President of the United States. In the tradition started by Franklin Roosevelt, his first 100 days were scrutinised to the core.

“Obamacare” alienated the Tea Party Movement, whose members are 80% Republican - but it passed Congressional votes and was signed into law despitethe opposition. Obama had done what he had promised, but it came at great cost to him in the midterm elections for the House of Representatives. He had made the Republican Party bend under him, and the Tea Party movement- incensed- grew.

He froze White House staff pay, saving almost half a million dollars. He signed an Executive Order to close Guantanamo Bay, and effectively banned torture. He signed an Act enabling equal pay regardless of age, gender or race. He outlined an exit strategy for Iraq, initiated a $787 billion stimulus package for the economy and expanded children’s welfare. He didn’t fix the banking system, and he didn’t save the economy in a month. He didn’t replicate Roosevelt, and he didn’t better Roosevelt- but he made steady steps forward.

Obama must have realised what he faced; Bill Clinton had suffered the same thing in 1994, when Democrats lost control of both the House and Senate. Midterm elections were a hot topic throughout Obama’s first years in office; and when they came, the losses were staggering. Democrats lost 63 seats in the House of Representatives, but just about retained the Senate. Obama was in trouble; without the support of the House of Representatives, a President is blocked.

the sense of responsibility must have been overwhelming; he had only been a senator since 2005, and suddenly he was going to be the president of the united states. And right from there, things went vaguely downhill - it started with the Healthcare Reform he had proposed the entire way throughout his campaign, and he had never hidden it. The Tea Party Movement sprung up, opposing healthcare reform on such a scale. Harking back to “No taxation without representation”, the movement worked from the grassroots to the national stage and earned themselves a place as one of TIME’s People of the Year. The Reform Bill was contentious in Congress; there were several death threats made to Representatives.

Against the odds, he persevered. In a number of days before Christmas, generally reported as a triumph for him, and in the midst of a lame duck session of Congress, when usually nothing gets done, Obama’s wife Michelle’s influence was felt across America as the Hunger-Free Kids Act was signed into law; children in America will receive adequate nutrition in schools all across the nation for the next five years because of it, and new standards of quality are to be introduced.

his own requirements - and he probably passed through more than he even thought he would, with such strong Republican opposition. Gay soldiers and staffers could serve in the military- as long as they did not reveal their sexual orientation. It was a blight on Bill Clinton’s Presidency, and one Obama had wanted to get rid for a very long time. And this time, with no compromise, he succeeded. One of the most famous things Obama is known for is a fierce campaign against Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, the policy arrived at by the Clinton Administration as a compromise with the military. Gay soldiers and staffers could serve in the military- as long as they did not reveal their sexual orientation. It was a blight on Bill Clinton’s Presidency, and one Obama had wanted to get rid for a very long time. And this time, with no compromise, he succeeded. Don’t Ask Don’t Tell has been repealed, and soldiers will no longer be discharged from the United States Defence Forces because of their sexuality. This was a coup: in the last days of 2010, he had fulfilled one of his biggest campaign promises.

Obama is in the spotlight every day, and that’s not likely to change. He’s made mistakes, but show me a man who hasn’t. More importantly, he’s stuck to his guns on a whole load of issues. Obama is no Franklin He had to keep the Republicans happy Roosevelt - or at least, not yet. I’d push for but the Bush tax cuts were ones he saw as four more years; a politician who fulfils so too much; nonetheless, he signed into law many promises and keeps working at others an $858 billion Act to extend Bush’s tax cuts. is commendable. Even better than that, he’s This was a big compromise for him - it was one of the few politicians to have benefitted a campaign promise he hadn’t fully met. from the Wikileaks revelations; which have Unemployment benefits were reinstated, shown a Government that works efficiently, and the middle class were protected from tax effectively, and within its limits. Don’t knock increases. But he did meet some of it till you’ve tried it.

Current Affairs

FAI should look before they leap paul barry

where the team finishing 7th, or even 8th, may have more points than 6th place. How this obscure structure can be seen as a positive resolution is baffling.

he recent happenings of the League of Ireland have seen huge financial problems. Club after club has been sent to the edge of the cliff, or over, thanks to dire monetary straits. The FAI feel a fresh approach to the league is needed, and a change in its structure will do exactly that. Will it, though?

Personally, I feel that we would be better off remaining with a ten team league, for a couple of seasons at least. Yes, in the long term it’s too small, but in the short term we won’t have any major influx of capable clubs to fill the gap for an expanded league. And, at the very least, it’ll bring some sort of stability from the constant reshuffling that has been occurring this past decade.

The FAI’s main plan is to increase the Premier Division to twelve teams. They feel this will eliminate the repetitiveness of matches that exists in a ten team league. It may also expand Irish football to beyond Dublin and its immediate suburbs (the capital currently dominates the top tier). This seems a bit déjà vu, though, and it was already tried with the league. And reversed. So, will another reshuffle to something that’s been tried already work? Surely, the current ten-team model could be given a longer test run than it’s had? It may indeed fall short of the FAI’s expectations, but chopping and changing the structure at a rate that Optimus Prime would envy won’t do much better.

Perhaps slowly increasing the numbers would be of benefit. But it’s imperative that it happens in all three divisions. The First Division and the A Championship are equally as important as our top tier. We must remember that any expansion in the Premier takes clubs from the lower divisions, so we’ll need new clubs to join the fray to fill the gap. Otherwise, it’s simply (if you’ll forgive the cliché) robbing Peter to pay Paul.

Rumours of a mid-season split, much like that of the Scottish Premier League, also seem rife. However, unlike the SPL format, this will occur following two rounds of matches, as opposed to three. Should this go ahead, it will be a diabolic decision. Following a split in the league, a team’s fate is sealed in whatever half of the table they’re at – so, 7th can’t rise back above 6th. You’re also only required to play teams in your half. This leads to farcical situations

In the more long term, a sixteen-team league would be an ideal solution to reduce the repetitiveness of matches, while still keeping a high enough number of games. However, we can’t just throw in an extra 6 teams at once – it would compromise the quality of not only the top tier, but the two lower divisions as well. A gradual increase is what’s needed.

>>Six Questions I’ll be asking every canvasser continued from page 04 individuals have recently gained the ability to enter into a civil partnership this only provides half of the rights and responsibilities conferred by a full civil marriage. Most of these differences concern the children of same-sex couples, and so leaves these vulnerable individuals in a sort of legal limbo. This is clearly an uncceptable state of affairs, and requires immediate attention. 4. Do you support the rights of transgender and intersex people to have their gender identity legally recognised in official documents, such as birth certificates? Do you endorse their right to have such administrative recognition carried out in a swift and efficient manner, with minimum invasion of the privacy of the individual? As things stand, those whose gender identity is different to that on their birth certificate are unable to have that document changed, creating unnecessary obstruction to a full life as a man or woman. Because of Lydia Foy’s long battle with the courts, legislation will soon be drawn up to grant these rights. It is important that such legislation does not make the same mistakes as other European countries, such as those that require surgical gender reassignment, compulsory sterilisation, the dissolution of extant marriage, or the satisfaction of a Gender Recognition Panel that one’s physical or behavioural presentation is sufficently convincing. 5. Would you support the introduction of legislation to deal with the provision in the constitution for lawful abortion when there is a genuine risk to the life of the woman?

While constitutionally a woman has the right to terminate a pregnancy if it represents a threat to her life, we lack the legislation necessary for it to be realisable in practice. This has created a situation in which medical professionals are afraid to carry out such necessary terminations as there are no guidelines as to what constitutes a threat to life, and as a result terribly sick women are forced to undertake the cost, and physical and psychological strain of traveling to the UK for the procedure. 6. Would you support the introduction of gender quotas in politics, simply focusing on opportunity measures and including a sunset clause? If not, what concrete plan have you for making politics a viable occupation for women and those in care-giving roles, thus facilitating the representation needed for a functioning democracy? The lassiezfaire attitude of expecting the political landscape to adapt naturally has been shown to have failed, with no increase in the number of women in the Dail in the past 15 years. This is largely due to the five Cs identified by Senator Ivana Bacik – candidate selection, childcare, confidence, culture and cash. Necessarily this is a short list, dealing with only a few pressing issues in areas of my particular concern. However, responses to these, I feel, would give a clear indication of whether the candidate in question recognises and cares about the real issues facing their constituents. This election has the potential to act as a turning point in Irish history – to create a genuinely progressive and inclusive Ireland based on equal human rights for all. Let’s not waste it.

Scrap the constitution and start again luke dineen discusses why ireland will not be a true republic until our constitution is re-written

s we approach the general election, we tend to forget that Ireland is in its fourth year of unparalleled economic and social chaos. Our economic sovereignty has been undermined by horrendous mismanagement at home and vulturous international bodies. Bunreacht na hEireann, the founding charter upon which our society is based, has failed miserably in preventing this disaster from occurring. Given the current state of affairs, it is perhaps fitting that the word ‘republic’ is not mentioned once, for this country is not and has never been a republic. Far from being a document of the people, it has ensured massive inequality, a repressive attitude to society’s outcasts, and an unhealthy deference to hierarchical institutions over the course of its existence. It’s time to start afresh and build a true republic. A new constitution would be a good start. The current one is riddled with authoritarian language and infused with the dogmatic Catholic conservatism of its time. Given that it was ratified in the 1930s, a decade when fascism and totalitarian rule were sweeping democratic politics aside, this is understandable. In seeking to define who we are not, as opposed to affirming who we are, the archaic mentality of the colonial subject seeps from its pours. However, its callous degradation of women in trying to ‘‘ensure that mothers shall not be obliged by economic necessity to engage in labour to the neglect of their duties in the home’’ is an untimely reminder that this document is an affront to a free and prosperous society. Probably the most egregious aspect of the Constitution is its unambiguous deference towards the Catholic Church. Hardly surprising given that the autocratic figure of J.C. McQuaid was consulted during its preliminary stages. A new constitution must be secular in nature with church and state explicitly separate. This would involve an immediate cessation of state support towards denominational education.

Far from hostile towards faith, such an amendment would prevent any one ecclesiastical institution from being dominant, as we had in the recent past. The United States has proven that this is the only way to competently protect religion from the state and the state from religion.

conscientious, autonomous vote of a parliamentarian on any issue. A second measure could allow one third of deputies to force an inquiry and/or debate into any matter and that all papers and witnesses can be compelled upon the say-so of that minority.

The idea of equality and social inclusion must be at the vanguard of such a document. Although regularly proclaiming its authority in the name of the ‘common good’. The Constitution has failed to create such a society. Instead, it has allowed Ireland to become one of the most unequal societies in the world. A republican document would demand that there be a floor beyond which no citizen will fall. Socio-economic rights such as free public health care, free education at all levels and adequate housing would be enshrined in its ethos.

For such a charter to truly be a citizens’ document it must place us in control of our own destiny, instead of stipulating that our sovereign authority be subcontracted to a group of political elites. The idea that our current system represents ‘‘government of the people, by the people, for the people’’ is ridiculous. An article should be incorporated which provides for a petition, signed by, say, 250,000 citizens, demanding that any measure then before the Dáil be put to referendum and that the outcome be binding. Another proposal would be to ensure that fundamental rights in the Constitution could be altered only with the approval of a majority of the electorate, not just of those voting. If a new constitution is to have genuine authority, it must be drafted and approved by the citizens of the republic, whose rights would subsequently be protected by it. Such a move would absolutely not be a panacea, but it can be a perfect opportunity to recognise and remedy the current constitution’s many shortcomings, only some of which I have been able to outline. Furthermore, it would provide the basis upon which a new and better society can be built, a true republic. The first in the history of the state.

Another sinister aspect of the constitution is the leverage it gives the government to remain unaccountable for its actions and the massive centralisation of power it facilitates. The point of the Dáil is to hold government responsible to the representatives of the people but the reality is that, via the whip system, the Dáil is controlled by the government, which makes accountability impossible. Thus, nomothetic mechanisms for protecting parliament from the arbitrary will of the executive should be included in a rewritten constitution as a matter of urgency . For example, it should be an offence for anybody to interfere with the

Entertainments

entertainments@motley.ie

Kellie Morrissey

WHAT’S YOUR PICK? it’s awards season, kids, and we at the ents section of motley are feeling the oscar buzz. we set out to figure out what movies the motley eds would like to pick up the pivotal lil’ gold man this february 27th... © Momentum

John Murphy (Deputy Entertainment)

Kellie Morrissey (Entertainment)

The King’s Speech

Inception You guys. What? No love for Inception? Inception is fo’ def my Oscar pick this year - have you already forgotten the AMAZING score (I love me some Trent Reznor but I want Zimmer to win the Oscar for this score), the amazing, unsettling imagery, the bittersweet love-story AND the incredible ensemble cast - with Joseph Gordon-Levitt in a kickass suit? Inception for the win.

With a witty and engaging script stunningly performed by Firth, Bonham-Carter, and Rush it is, undoubtedly, one of my favourite movies. Director Tom Hooper and the cast definitely deserve the Oscar for Best Picture! © Columbia

Kathryn O’ Regan (Fashion)

The Social Network I would like The Social Network to win, simply because it is so 2011. It captures the moment – an age obsessed with technology and ‘status updates’. It’s also cool, witty, and brilliantly scripted with excellent, instantly quotable dialogue. I like the idea of TSN winning just because it’s just so very now; just so relevant.

Aisling Twomey (Editor in Chief)

The King’s Speech Oscar bait! Really excellent performance from Colin Firth – you could see the struggle to overcome the problem, and it was really funny too!

Michael Holland (Photographer)

Black Swan

I see Black Swan as showing a descent into madness through dance. For a movie to so thoroughly pull me in was impressive and effective. I feel that Black Swan shall win Best Picture because the movie works on so many levels simultaneously and had a profound effect on me once it had finished.

Audrey Dearing (Features)

Black Swan I’m sick of shit action or formula movies, and Black Swan was equal parts art, plot, and entertainment.

ALSO NOMINATED “the fighter”, “the kids are all right”, “127 hours”, “toy story 3”, “true grit”, “winter’s bone”

Movie Reviews

Ruffled feathers

adam dinan reviews aronofsky’s latest (bleak and beautiful) offering.

It is said that Darren Aronofsky conceived of Black Swan after viewing a stage production of the classical ballet Swan Lake, which struck a chord due to its central theme of the doppelgänger; being haunted by one’s own double. The veteran director (Requiem For A Dream, Pi, The Wrestler) set about realising a film melodrama based around this subplot, tying it in with an unused script he had previously worked on. And the result certainly does haunt us. It is an intense rollercoaster ride, passionate and surreal, probably as close as you’ll find to feature length hypnotherapy.

Nina is eventually given the lead role of the Swan Queen—having shown Thomas an angry, persistent streak—but she cannot be content and turns increasingly psychotic, convinced that one of her understudies at the academy, Lily (Mila Kunis), is attempting to steal the part. Her distrust is not helped as Thomas becomes critical of her practice routines and gradually develops a relationship with Lily. The entire affair builds into a jarring crescendo, spurred on by dizzying camerawork and the nuances of Portman’s performance that create a general feeling of unease.

Natalie Portman undertook months of training in ballet prior to filming and this dedication is borne out on screen. Her performance as the young aspiring dancer Nina Sayers is Shakespearean. We follow her struggles on a number of levels: with her overbearing mother (Barbara Hershey), who pushes her to achieve what she never did; with the ballet director, Thomas (Vincent Cassel), who feels that Nina is perfect for the part of the White Swan in his production but lacks the intensity to play the Black Swan; and with her own self-image and paranoia. If what unfolds on screen can be considered an extended nightmare, then we view it from the inside of her mind: unsure of motives, suspicious of everyone and everything that happens.

There isn’t much in the way of light entertainment—a bleak, ominous vibe lingers throughout—and there are many similarities with Aronofky’s last feature, The Wrestler, which also focused on supreme self-determination © Fox Searchlight and the drive to succeed at a particular craft. When viewed as forms of art, ballet and wrestling may be considered polar extremes, yet both depend on the strive for bodily perfection and so the director has managed to weave a similar thread throughout. This film probably isn’t an experience you’ll want to relive over and over again, but really that’s an acknowledgment of the success of the picture rather than a criticism. Aronofsky wouldn’t have had it any other way.

Funny stuff

paul o’connor examines what it is that makes funny stuff, well – funny Idealism increases in direct proportion to one’s distance from the problem. This was according to the English novelist and playwright John Galsworthy. With a little tinkering one could apply the same premise to comedy and comedic films: in an ideal world humour increases in direct proportion to the distance from our problems. Alas, the best comedians seem to evoke their best work from a frame of mind which is steeped in problems: problems which invariably inform their work.

that the comedic genius that is Larry David views life as something of a dullard’s duel to a deathly decorum. He imagines himself blindfolded, probably by some other poor dullard, told to walk 10 paces, turn and outdraw the inevitable – but before he can turn, realisation that the ground has given away beneath him reverberates through his head and shatters all pride and hubris.

Take Larry David’s Curb Your Enthusiasm which, for 7 seasons, has been a brilliant yet morbid examination of one man’s capacity for relationship sabotage and self loathing. One gets the impression

What makes Larry David’s comedy fall into the genius category is that he © HBO needs no reminder that the deathly decorum of his casket awaits him; he already knows that the 10 paces is a walk over a cliff so he merely views it as a precipice of no surprise. The counterpoint to this macabre maestro would be the crass coda

>>Continued on page 17

Entertainments

Top Five Movie Titles That Should Probably Be Porn caroline o'donoghue guides us through the apparent erotica of movie titles Two Christmases ago, my work colleagues and I invented a little game to get us through the Christmas retail rush. The game, now legendary, combined the deepest prowess of our combined barbed wit and the fundamentally depraved aspects of puberty humour. Simply put, we turned existing movie titles into fictional porn titles. This bore the creation of such revised classics as "Good Will Grunting," "Tight Club,” and the rather distasteful “Some Like the Trots.” But thrillingly, some existing movie titles work just fine on their own. In fact, they probably would have been slightly more interesting as erotica. In true movie lover form, let’s examine the Top Five Movie Titles That Probably Should Have Been Porn.

3. Das Boot It is the cross of the German peoples to bear that everything said in their language sounds hot. Not in a seductive, oversexed French way, but in a totally threatening fetish way. © Columbia Pictures This brings us to the 1981 epic, Das Boot. The movie is widely known as being one of the most authentic and masterful World War II movie ever made, and it’s also renowned for being horrifically boring. For the sake of the womeneverywherewho are roped into watching this movie, this movie needs some intimacy. And submarine metaphors.

5. The Midnight Meat Train

2. Twelve Angry Men

This 2008 slash-fest, starring respective Alpha and Beta males Vinnie Jones and Bradley Cooper, is an example of three relatively harmless words coming together to sound completely disgusting. Despite its inclusion of the soon to be iconic lines of "Step away from the meat,"I can't help © Lionsgate but feel that Midnight Meat Train would've performed better at the box office if it went along the lesbian-vampire route and took place in an abandoned boxcar (thus taking advantage of the little-explored homeless-lesbian-vampire niche).

Twelve emotionally repressed men in the fifties air their feelings in this 1957 classic. Everyone spends an inappropriate amount of screentime loosening their ties, unbuttoning their shirts and taking off their jackets, and © United Artists then the movie just ends – totally hopscotching the potential for a completely inspiring picture about homosexuality in McCarthyist America. And sexy men.

1. Rear Window

4. Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium Not unlike our friends at the Meat Train, this is yet another example of innocent words sounding dirty when contextualised. Also, there is something oddly threatening about the sound of this ‘Mr. Magorium’ character. First of all, it's clearly a pseudonym, and © Icon Film Distribution it makes me wonder what this Magorium is trying to hide. Second of all, no man in his sixties lets Natalie Portman work in his magic toyshop without expecting something in return.

Staying in? Rent for a Night

Oh, COME ON! The title alone is scandalous enough, not to mention Grace Kelly primly brandishing her overnight case like it's a diaphragm. As dirty as I feel about using the name of one of my alltime heroes in the same sentence as the word ‘diaphragm’, anyone who's seen this movie can feel the sexual tension just itching to make © Paramount Pictures its way on screen. In fact, the film itself can be admired for the decidedly ‘modern’ relationship of its two stars. Still though. Sexy Grace watches Sexy Jim who watches his Sexy Neighbours. It does make one wonder whether Hitchcock has an X-Rated cut scene somewhere in his vaults, rumoured to be somewhere underneath the Vatican.

Love and Death

Not everyone likes Woody – and I can’t really blame them – but I’ve shown Love and Death to even the most ardent haters of Woody and they have emerged giggling. A satire on 19th century Russian epic novels and philosophy, Woody plays Boris, forced to enlist into the Russian army, while then-muse Diane Keaton plays his beautiful, intelligent (and easy) cousin whom he later marries, kinda against

her will. Definitely my favourite straight comedy by Allen, with some intensely quotable quotes – “And so I walk through the valley of the shadow of death. Actually, make that ‘I run through the valley of the shadow of death’ - in order to get OUT of the valley of the shadow of death more quickly, you see.”A must-see – Keaton disproves the truism that women can’t be funny in every scene she’s in.

Movies

chris redmond doesn’t see anyone else here – you must be talking to him For many years I have had a recurring debate with my father regarding the ultimate purpose of film as a form of entertainment. He maintains that films are designed to entertain primarily on a superficial level, while I counter this by arguing that the subjectivity of entertainment means that entertainment, by its very nature, varies from person to person, from the layman to the cinephile. What we can agree on, however, is that a good film will indeed make you feel good, even if your closing emotion is not necessarily one of outright joy. Allow me to explain… One of my favourite films of all time is Martin Scorsese’s Taxi Driver. It is one of the most intense and terrifying character studies ever committed to celluloid, with a haunting and unforgettable performance from Robert De Niro. ‘Intense’, ‘terrifying’ and ‘haunting’ are hardly words associated with a film that is supposed to make you ‘feel good’; but it does, and so does the sublime Bernard Hermann score that sets the tone for the film. Why, then, does a film like this have such a peculiar effect upon me? After all, this is a movie that ends with one of the bloodiest sequences in film history and features a protagonist who is disillusioned to the point of insanity. It makes me feel good because I can relate to Travis Bickle. I don’t mean that I am going to assassinate one of my country’s political leaders, despite the obvious temptations, but I too have felt

as aimless and unimportant as Travis, especially in these dark economic days when a Masters degree gets you precisely nowhere. Travis is a distinguished former Marine who has found himself surplus to requirements despite serving his country in a long and terrible war. Am I the only one who sees an admittedly abstract connection there? When I revisit Taxi Driver I feel like I am spending time with an old friend; wherever I am in my life I can find something in this film that leaves an indelible impression on my mind. I know it so well now that I can look forward to my favourite moments, such as Travis’ classic “You talkin’ to me?” line and his poignant letter to his parents, whom we suspect have not been in touch for years. Besides the rather unconventional similarity I see between myself and this troubled © Columbia

character, Taxi Driver, perhaps more than any other film, always reminds me of the time when I realized there was more to cinema than just beefcake action stars with foreign accents. I discovered Taxi Driver when I was in third year of school; I still remember the shivers that chilled my spine when Travis’ taxi emerges from the cloud of smoke in the opening shot of the film. Coupled with Herrmann’s mesmerising score, I was instantly won over. Steven Seagal could take his ham-fisted environmental posturing and keep them as far away from me as possible, for now I had been converted, and it was a tremendously exciting feeling. Here we are now, nearly ten years later, and the transformation has long since been completed. My greatest thanks must go to Martin Scorsese and Robert De Niro, and to Barry Norman for recommending the film in a battered old movie encyclopaedia that still holds a prominent position on my shelf. I can safely say that my eyes have been well and truly opened, and even today it still feels good… It really does.

>>Funny stuff continued from page 15 of a Judd Apatow work. Take for example Pineapple Express which merely degenerated into a ridiculous, violent and unbelievably dull action movie for the last 15/20 minutes of its running time. This film serves as a microcosm of the problems one encounters with comedy if one does not adapt. In the 40 Year Old Virgin, Apatow was producing comedy that was very sharp and seemed to emanate from problems he may have experienced in his own life. Fast forward four years and he makes Funny People which seems to imply that his biggest problem now is what kind of butler he should hire for his mansion. Comparison between these two comedians would seem apt considering they are both kings of their medium; David in TV and Apatow on the silver screen, and this informs us as to our own taste in comedy and what’s in demand by the cinema going world nowadays.

Jerry Seinfeld once stated that even after Larry David earned hundreds of millions from the show Seinfeld, his personality and character traits never changed - he still worried that the limousine driver (a job David once held) would be bored or hungry while he dined at a restaurant, he still worried about what kind of tip to give head waiter as opposed to the waiter who actually served him and he maintained his outlook on finances he had before he ever earned those hundreds of millions. This is one of the reasons why David’s comedy has stayed so sharp and witty while Apatow and his crew (Paul Rudd, Seth Rogen et al) have turned into bloated caricatures of themselves - playing a mixture of how they see themselves perceived by cinemagoers and how they perceive themselves... ‘Acting without acting’ as Jerry Seinfeld would say. Having said that...

Entertainments

John Murphy

Do you hear the people sing? john murphy conducts a brief history of musical film

ait! What’s yer rush? What’s yer hurry? Feeding the birds with Mary Poppins? Distracted by The Sound of Music on your iPod or that Fiddler on the Roof? Shopping for more food for Oliver? Or are you taking a trip in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang with Annie over the rainbow to The Wizard of Oz? Didn’t think so. Sit ye down! You’ve heard of them. More than likely you’ve watched quite a few when you were younger. You remember their names and some plot elements, but you don’t remember the details. It’s time to discover more than you expected by revisiting your old friend and entertainer – the musical film. This genre spans generations, transcends cultures, and is rooted in our lives since childhood; some are unbearable, some are catchy, and some are simply astonishing. While it would take a series of books to talk about them all, there are some from the 1960s onwards which stand out from the others. The majority of people have at least heard of two big musical films of the ’60s and ’70s: West Side Story and Grease. The jazzy WSS highlighted the importance of artfully blending choreography with music, while the popular pop/rock scores of Grease allowed audiences to lose themselves in the beat. In the same period, Mary Poppins introduced her diet of spoonfuls of sugar and The Sound of Music wanted us to climb ev’ry mountain. One of the highlights of the 1960s was Rosalind Russell and Natalie Wood in Gypsy: though the singing was mostly dubbed by Lisa Kirk, Russell offers a boisterous, charismatic performance of the determined stage mother (winning her a Golden Globe), while Wood is magnificent as the quiet, unnoticed second child. Each of these five films were instrumental to the survival of musical film after the ‘golden age’ of the 1930s, ’40s, and ’50s, but they were by no means the only ones to resist the weathering of time for future generations to enjoy.

Family and love are very common motifs in musical film, and, through Disney movies, we are instilled with a sense of their importance from the cradle. Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs in 1937 was Walt Disney’s first film, and it also marked the beginning of the fulllength animated musical film. The company would become highly praised for their contributions to the genre, both the wholly animated and those which combine live action with animation (such as Mary Poppins and Bed knobs and Broomsticks). Under the banner of ‘Touchstone Pictures’ Disney distributed The Nightmare Before Christmas in ’93: a stop motion, commonly treasured, international success amongst all age groups. More recently, The Princess and the Frog and Tangled have been musical successes, and, judging by the renewed interest spurred from the praise of the films, Disney will continue to provide us with musical entertainment in the coming years. The Rocky Horror Picture Show brought us nothing short of fun-filled, electrifying, parodic entertainment in 1975, but from the ’70s to the ’90s, there is one group of movie musicals which stand out from other musicals; a company of remarkable characters who enhanced musical comedy with an unparalleled charm – The Muppets. The Muppet Movie in ’79was the first in their series of musical film sensations: from Kermit, Miss Piggy, and the Swedish Chef to Animal, Beaker, and Statler and Waldorf, the wide-ranging appeal amongst adults and children alike has allowed The Muppets to become household names. They will feature in their seventh feature film later this year, so keep your eyes open and your ears ready – it’s bound to be a phenomenon (*do doo do do do*). The year of the second millennium produced many musical flops, but this was compensated by Moulin Rouge! in 2001. This pastiche combined superb acting, great singing, memorable songs, and fantastic costumes and art direction – a welcome

addition to the history of musical film. The Phantom of the Opera was similarly hailed for its spectacular visuals and direction, and Emmy Rossum as Christine Daaé was its singing redeemer for her angelic, enchanting voice. Tim Burton’s adaptation of Sweeney Todd in 2007, while not the best vocally, will be remembered for its dark opulent beauty and thrilling characterisations. What these particular musical films of the noughties have in common is the strong emphasis on aesthetics and depictions of characters; acting and design seem to take the foreground over the music and singing, but we can hope that a perfect balance will be found in the future. While musical films adapted from their respective shows in musical theatre will always tend to struggle with sustaining the magnitude of going to a live performance with professional singers, the future of musical film is certainly bright. At the end of the recent 25th Anniversary DVD, it was announced that the renowned tour de force, Les Misèrables, is set to become a “musical motion picture”. Alfie Boe is hinted to star as much-loved Jean Valjean, so fans can hope that the invigorating lyrics and music scores won’t wilt and be cast aside to join so many other musical film failures (the cult cringe Repo! The Genetic Opera springs to mind). If you’re hungering for something new, musicals should be what you order from the film genre menu. Performances are explosive, the music is riveting, and lyrics are impassioned, and they are guaranteed to entertain - in short, they are supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. So, will you hear the people sing?

Movies

keavy o'sullivan gets all sweetly cynical – aww... As Valentine’s Day approaches, there's always a rush to find romantic, lovely things that make people go awwww. It's just the way of the world. But sometimes, they go too far in the search for loveliness, and we end up with 'romantic' films that make you feel like you need to lie down on a couch and talk to someone called 'Dr' about how they made you feel. So in the spirit of the day, here are some of the films that I definitely WON'T be cuddling up to watch on February 14th:

According to the cover - “a journey of rediscovery in a story about marriage, friendship, and how a love so strong can turn the finality of death into a new beginning in life.” In reality – a grief-stricken woman is basically stalked by her dead husband, turning her life into a depressing series of 'highlights' which come in the form of his letters, and a really, really badly Irish accented voiceover.

Ok, so this is a little bit of a curve ball, but it is the perfect example of creepiness masquerading as loveliness. Patrick Swayze and Demi Moore are a typical couple, except for being slightly too attached to pottery for their own good (look it up, if that’s what you're into). Then, in a non-pottery related incident, Swayze dies, leaving his girlfriend distraught, and now dating his murderer. He haunts her, protecting her from her new boyfriend, before leading her to a psychic that reunites them one last time, in a sensual embrace. And now for the REALLY creepy part – the psychic is played by Whoopi Goldberg, possessed by Patrick Swayze, and struggling hard not to rip off Demi Moore's clothes. The romance is just too much.

It's the heart warming story of how two arrogant and career obsessed pretty people find each other, torment and manipulate each other, and seriously jeopardise each other's friendships and jobs, only to discover that it wasn't a vendetta, or even work, it was love! Awwww.

The whole issue here is that we're supposed to admire Adam Sandler's courage in facing up to the fact that he's got to make Drew Barrymore fall in love with him each and every day. But is it courage, or obsession? It gets a little creepy when you realise that 'Henry doesn't let memory loss stop him', even though the object of his affections is more than happy to let it stop him, at least before his campaign of harassment.

Supposedly a film about how a guy can fall in love even without having sex with a girl. Which is an admirable thought, except that he ends up cheating on her with his ex, who is engaged to another man. Oh, and although they don't technically have sex, they do something tantric with a flower (sorry for that) which does negate the whole “no physical enjoyment” aspect of the film. Oh yeah, and there's a scene where a priest and a nun make out. Just for the laugh.

It kinda kills me to put this in, it's one of my favourite films, and it's Disney. However, personal opinions aside, this is a creepy film. Belle is first of all harassed by a misogynistic masochistic ape, who is also French. She's then held captive by a violent, animalistic beast, suffers from Stockholm Syndrome, and finally submits to a bestial relationship, as she was unaware of the Beast's true identity at the time. It's the ultimate fairy tale.

So, this Valentines Day, if you've got a hot date and you're planning on having a night in, just stick with renting out a porn film. Admittedly that might backfire on you, but at least it will create a more appropriate atmosphere than some of these 'classics!'

Poster of the Month What can we say? The Polish do it right. Dustin Hoffman’s 1982 cross-dressing turn in ‘Tootsie’ is touted as “marvellous fun” (which it is) by its American poster – which features a grinning Hoffman in a red sequined dress marching against a backdrop of the Stars & Stripes. Its Polish equivalent, however, harnesses the sardonic humour in the film itself and simply presents us with a grizzled, stubbly lower half of a man’s face smeared with lipstick. Excellent stuff. © Columbia

Entertainments

A cautionary song cathal brennan is not over-impressed by oregon’s indie exports, the decemberists, and their latest album “All Arise” and the jaunty Vampire Weekend-esque rhythm of “Calamity Song” make up some of the best parts of the album. However, sometimes the end goal is missed wide – the James Taylorinfluenced finger picking guitar of January Hymn is plain, and as for closer “Dear Avery” – I’ve listened to it three times whilst writing this review, and I still can’t remember what © Kill Rock Stars it sounds like. In other words, it’s musical wallpaper.

“Here we come to a turning of the season”, sings frontman Colin Meloy on ‘Don’t Carry It All’, the opening salvo of the sixth album by the Decemberists, The King is Dead. Although to call him a frontman could be construed as being misleading, given that he looks like a maths teacher and declares Orangina to be the official drink of his band. The Decemberists are a band based in Portland, Oregon, one of the more hipster cities of recent years. The King is Dead was written in the second half of last year, and takes its influence from a wide berth of inspiration, including Harvest-era Neil Young, Death Cab for Cutie, and R.E.M.. On this album, the band have expanded into the genres of bluegrass and country, and have tried to combine them with their lush pop sensibilities.

Elements of the album are particularly jarring; the lyrics about nature (“Rise to Me”), the lap steel guitar (“Rise to Me” as well, actually. Not the best song, it must be said) - some songs on the album sound so country that they go full circle to smelling like fertiliser. Which is not to say every song. “This is Why We Fight” is just country enough to mark the album as being different from its predecessors, but just enough like The Decemberists to appeal to the regular audience.

Peter Buck of the latter band contributes guitar to three tracks on the album, and indeed the influence of R.E.M. cannot be overstated; at times, Meloy is borderline plagiarising Michael Stipe, especially on lead single “Down in the Water”. However, multi-instrumentalist Jenny Conlee’s backing vocals mesh with Meloy’s in such a way so as to make the comparison less distinct, and the result is a strong, country-tinged indie tune.

While there are aspects of this album that do not sound natural, it must be said that it was written as a valiant effort to help the band evolve their sound. Not an accomplished work, but not without its merits by any means. Much better than the second last R.E.M. album – at least they can say that. Tunes to Download: “This is Why We Fight”, “Calamity Song”,

The efforts of the band to integrate different genres with their sound is evident, and often they work; the swaggering fiddle of

“Rox in the Box” © Sub Pop

Me & Lazarus adam el araby enjoys the latest offering from iron & wine Samuel Beam, aka Iron & Wine, doesn’t exactly look like a pop star with his lecturerchic wardrobe and lumberjack beard, but that’s precisely the guise he has chosen to don on this, his fourth full album as Iron & Wine. Kiss Each Other Clean is the follow-up to 2007’s The Shepherd’s Dog. Since then he’s been propelled to the mainstream by an appearance on the Twilight soundtrack and as such, Kiss marks his first appearance on a major label and with that, inevitably, his constantly changing sound as undergone what is perhaps its most drastic transformation to date. Kiss builds upon the groundwork laid down in Shepherd’s Dog. Again he is ably accompanied by a big band, which serves to bolster his voice with an eclectic range of styles. Your Fake Name is Good Enough For Me, the album’s 7-minute closer brings in a rousing horn section while Rabbit Will Run

is propelled by an unconventional rhythm section and screeching distorted guitars. Throughout the album, Beam’s voice sounds more confident than ever both on the more powerful and energetic vocals of Big Burned Hand and the more delicate lullaby of Me And Lazarus, where he backs his own and purity that has been one of the greatest voice with his trademark self-layering. sources of strength for Beam’s music. The The variety here is greater than ever with album lacks the cohesion of his previous jazz, funk and an assortment of effects being efforts and often feels disjointed and applied liberally throughout the album. inconsistent. Much like Sufjan Stevens did last year on With Kiss, Beam has attempted to create The Age of Adz, Iron and & Wine has even a pop album, but the result is one that feels incorporated some electronic influences into the mix. The adoption and adaption of and sounds like an artist in the middle of a sounds here echoes Paul Simon in the 80s as difficult transition between his minimalistic roots and the over-produced trappings of he searched the world to discover the new mainstream pop. That said, Kiss Each Other sounds that would feed into the seminal Clean is a great album with much to enjoy. Graceland. However, Kiss is not quite Iron While it falls just shy of excellence, it leaves & Wine’s Graceland; at times the extra production feels at odds with the simplicity me excited about where Iron & Wine might go next.

Music

The Best Bands You’ve Never Heard Of… kevin o’neill puts his cynical cap on

There’s always one though, isn’t there? That one guy who won’t listen © Tommy Udo © Columbia Records to the Kings of Leon because they ripped their sound from bands that you’ve never heard of. God I hate that guy…Yeah, you guessed it. I’m that guy. And while it won’t be true to say that you haven’t heard of all recognised within indie circles as a seminal record (to the Americana of these bands (hang your head in shame if it is!), there’s surely going movement, Wilco, Elliott Smith and more, this was their Nirvana, their Stone Roses – the album that changed everything), the album to be a few that you haven’t given enough consideration to. made scarcely a ripple in the wider sphere until recent years when It’s sad, really, that it takes death to earn some acts the attention the all-conquering Arcade Fire and the National both pinpointed the that they deserve. In the past year we’ve seen Captain Beefheart, album as pivotal. Listening to Arcade Fire’s debut, and the National’s Jay Reatard and Mark Linkous (Sparklehorse) pass on, only to re- first two offerings, it is clear to pinpoint the influence of NMH. emerge in the limelight in a fashion never accomplished during their All too often a movement will be dominated by one band, when the lifetimes. real groundwork was done before they reared their heads. Never has It is Linkous that this is most true of. “It’s a sad and beautiful world…” this been more true than in the case of the early 1990s scene in Seattle. he sang on the 1995 classic Vivadixietransmissionsubmarineplot. I say “grunge”, you think “Nirvana”, right? Ultimately, for Linkous, the sadness outshone the beauty as he Find any die-hard grunge fan and they will categorically deny the took his own life this time last year. Cruelly taken from the world, his art lives on and last summer saw the release of an album he and influence of Kurt Cobain (another who became huge after his death, Danger Mouse had been working on for over a year. Label disputes actually) and co. They are far more likely to pinpoint Mudhoney had prevented the album from release, though Danger Mouse worked (creating solid punk-infused sounds since the early 1980s), REM (even hard to, commemorating both Linkous, who curated the work, and Kurt Cobain acknowledges these guys as the founders of it all) and Vic Chesnutt who appeared on it. Chesnutt, too, passed away before the Pixies. More important than those three, however, was the Meat Puppets. he was able to see the fruits of their efforts. Under his own guise of Sparklehorse, Linkous released three of the greatest albums of the 1990s, yet they were inexplicably overshadowed by the likes of Grandaddy, Wilco and the Flaming Lips, all of whom were forming around the same time. The mid-1990s, too, spawned another neglected classic in the form of In an Aeroplane over the Sea by Neutral Milk Hotel. Widely

Awful Album Art of the Month © SST

The Meat Puppets were noted by Nirvana, Pavement, Dinosaur Jr., Soundgarden and dozens more as a major influence, while two of the bands members contributed backing vocals to Nirvana’s finest hour, MTV Unplugged In New York. The album also contained three Meat Puppets covers: ‘Oh Me’, ‘Plateau’ and Lake of Fire.’ In fact, that entire album serves as proof in itself that Nirvana were heavily in debted to dozens of acts that had preceded them. The highlights, aside from the Meat Puppets covers, are originally by David Bowie, the Vaselines and Lead Belly. I could go on. Whipping Boy are arguably the greatest Irish band of all time, criminally overlooked because of U2, Thin Lizzy and My Bloody Valentine. The Beach Boys are pigeonholed in the surf-rock genre, despite having created some of the greatest psychedelia ever put to record. The Travelling Wilburys, Justin Townes Earle, Kyuss, Teenage Fanclub, the Brian Jonestowne Massacre, Explosions in the Sky, the Cocteau Twins… Turn off the Script/Kings of Leon/the Coronas and check these out instead.

Um… you’re welcome, Mike.

Entertainments

local@motley.ie

Siobhan Meehan

on monday, januray 17th university college cork school of music launched fuaim, a series of live performances and lectures to showcase the diversity of musical talent on offer in ucc. siobhán meehan talks to gregory ellis of the rté vanbrugh quartet, one of the featured artists of the fuaim series.

he RTÉ Vanbrugh Quartet was founded in 1985 by Radio Telefis Eireann as part of their performing groups and is the stations resident string quartet. “We started off together in the Royal Academy of Music in London,” explains violinist to the Quartet Gregory Ellis. “Within about a year of forming we got the job at RTÉ. About 14 quartets from all over the world applied for the job, there were none from Ireland actually, which was kind of curious for us at the time.” But it looks as though times have changed in the world of classical music in Ireland. Once appointed the title of the RTÉ Vanbrugh Quartet Gregory, Keith Pascoe, Simon Aspell and Christopher Marwood took it upon themselves to develop the talent of classical musicians in Ireland. “After we took the job we were determined that when this came round again that we’d have Irish quartets lining up for the position because Ireland has never been short on talent but they have always left for Europe or America. We’ve already help produce two professional quartets, they’re very fine young groups. We are passing on our skills and mentoring them.” I spoke to Gregory Ellis in anticipation of the Quartets performance in the Glucksman Gallery, as part of FUAIM lunchtime concerts. The Vanbrugh Quartet have been Artists in Residence here in UCC for nearly 20 years and over the years Gregory has noticed a change in attitude to their music. “In the last couple of years we have noticed an increased interest in the lunch time series. It’s been re-launched for 2011 in conjunction with FUAIM. I think some people on campus did know of the lunchtime concerts but with the renewed publicity I think people are realising that there’s actually quite a treasure of material there and that there are some really wonderful artists and because its free it’s a wonderful resource to have on campus. There’s a real buzz in the place at the lunch time concerts.” Unlike the rest of RTÉ’s

Performing Groups, Gregory Ellis and co. are based full time in Cork and so he explains the benefits of having a professional quartet in Irelands second city.“ I think the value of having a professional string quartet in Cork is that it stimulates more activity. We’ve had umpteen new compositions written for us, many of which are composed by people from Cork. Then there’s the teaching aspect too, being based in Cork means that we can work closely with the School of Music in UCC.“ Cork has always been a hot bed for new musical talent producing artists and bands of the indie and rock genres however one may argue that classical is a genre that has evaded its citizens, however Gregory informs me of the long tradition of classical music in Cork city and in particular, right here in UCC. “There has always been a tradition in Cork, going back to Professor Aloys Fleischmann who was a Professor of Music in UCC . He’s in the Guinness Book of Records for being the longest serving conductor of any orchestra when he presided over the Cork Symphony Orchestra.” The Cork Symphony Orchestra is currently conducted by the Vanbrugh Quartets second

fiddle Keith Pascoe. “Cork Symphony Orchestra and it has been going from success to success and part of that success is due to Keith, who has put an enormous amount of time and effort into it. The CSO is an amateur group but you know the people they’ve got have learned their instruments very well, with very good tutors at the Cork School of Music. Many of the people involved have gone on to do accounting or medical studies or whatever it is that is their profession however this gives them an outlet as a hobby to come back and play at a very high level under a professional musician.” Although the RTÉ Vanbrugh Quartet faced an uncertain future last year due to budget concerns Gregory assures me that the future of the Vanbrugh Quartet and classical music in Ireland is safe for now. “The teaching element of the Quartet which to various degrees the four of us have gotten involved in, is invaluable in bringing on the next generation whether through individual tuition or teaching or by performing our music.” See www.music.ucc.ie for more details on FUAIM events.

Local

Introducing Ladydoll ladydoll are a four piece cork based band. their new album the knife thrower and his wife manages to be instantly likeable without resorting to the use of repetitious lyrics and worn out melodies. the songs are dark but subtly so and have an otherworldly feel to them. ladydoll are obviously four, very talented and creative musicians who will inevitably go from strength to strength. fiona burke talks to lead singer and guitarist finn sedas.

You have some very interesting and varied lyrics in your songs. We’d never rule any instrument out, so we’re very much open to it. songs, what comes first for you in the creative process; lyrics or music? The Smashing Pumpkins, Sonic Youth and more recently Paramore, all feature(like yourselves) one female Always the music. I tend to write lyrics to fit around the melody. I member. Do you think that this gives you an edgeover find that writing the lyrics after the melody sounds better. all male or all female bands, or is it just a coincidence? On your Facebook page you cite directors (Tim Burton and Tarantino) as well as musicians as influences, do you I don’t think it really gives us an edge. When we picked Nora to play bass it was simply because she was the best bass player around find images to be as inspiring as music? at the time. I suppose it does mix it up a bit and probably looks better aesthetically on stage. One negative thing about it is that you automatically get pigeonholed with other bands that have a female bassist. We are often likened to The Pixies (who we sound nothing like) just because we have a female bassist in common.

Big Time! That’s why we’ve cited them. Some of the newer material is quite abstract; it’s like cinema shots of things. I often write music around films as well, like I’d take a classic film image and write music around that image.

From listening to your music, I would mostly link it with Your album, The Knife Thrower and his Wife, was mixed nineties alternative rock. Are you particularly influenced by Adrian Bushby (who has also worked with The by this era or not? Smashing Pumpkins and The Foo Fighters), What was it like to work with him? Well definitely the big guitar riffs we get from the nineties stuff, but there are a range of different influences in the band; I listen to a lot of classical, which is sort of where the piano riffs stem from, Nora likes older stuff like The Beatles and Dave listens to some metal so there’s a broad range. There is definitely the grunge element in there though.

In the band you have guitar, bass, drums and piano. Do you ever feel restricted by this line up or that you’d like to write music for other instruments? I definitely don’t think it’s restrictive. There is so much room within a standard drum, bass and guitar ensemble to write original stuff. There’s so much you can do with a guitar alone that I don’t think it could ever be boring or restricting. In terms of other instruments we would love to use strings. Some of our stuff can be orchestral or operatic at times so strings would be a really nice touch in those

Sweet! Basically we sent him our stuff and explained that we only had a very small budget, fortunately he really like the songs so was happy to do it. We sent songs back and forth to each other and made changes accordingly. It was great to work with him, he’s a real pro so we barely had to make any corrections. Hopefully we will workwith him again.

So what’s next for Ladydoll? Basically record a demo for our second album. We feel we have really progressed and are excited about the new material. When that’s done we’ll start hunting for labels again and gigging.

Ladydoll’s album The Knife Thrower and his Wife is out now in shops and available to download on iTunes!

Books

Entertainments

Good books don’t give up all their secrets at once carrie – the shining – misery – it – stand by me – the shawshank redemption – the green mile: if you haven’t yet, it’s time to say hello to stephen king, writes kellie morrissey Everyone’s got their guilty pleasure-author. For some, it’s Cecelia Ahern – Marian Keyes – those godawful Amanda Brunker/Jordan books: for me, it’s Stephen King. Ever since I found a yellowing, dog-eared copy of Carrie in my attic as a young teenager I’ve been enthralled by King’s writing, which is always unnerving, usually set in Maine for some reason, sometimes a little stilted, occasionally vulgar and consistently entertaining. If you’ve not read any King, let me tell you why you should. King is much-maligned as a writer of mere shlock, shock fiction, and true, it’s hard to list King among the true literary giants of the 20th and 21st century, but what he writes is (usually) solid, and when it’s good, it is damned good. 1973’s Carrie scared me intensely as a kid – the novel’s protagonist is not the wispy, pretty Sissy Spacek of the motion picture, but a mildly overweight, intensely awkward young girl whose overbearing, fundamentally Christian mother leaves her unable to deal with the machinations of her own body (and budding psychic powers): the climax in the dance hall is all the scarier for it. King’s first novel is perhaps his most disturbingly human – along with The Shining in 1977.

King is nothing if not prolific. His epic, 1000 page plus novel The Stand was released in 1978 and remains widely critically acclaimed. A what-if ? tale of how survivor communities divide in the wake of a disastrous accidental release of a superflu designed as a bio-weapon, King injects an element of the supernatural with the creation of Randall Flagg, a supernatural being who presides over one camp of survivors. The climax of The Stand has been criticised, but it is still pretty epic in every sense of the word, and what I really like about this novel is its focus on individual characters whom you, as a reader, really grow to care about – Harold Lauder stands out particular, a perfect portrait of adolescent nerd gone bad. The Stand is reminiscent of later epics It and Under the Dome but I think it’s

better – its length is warranted by the scale of the story told, something I can’t really say for It (the story of a supernatural being which haunts a group of people throughout their lives) and Under the Dome (the story of a town enclosed under a giant, invisible dome – that’s right, the plot of the Simpsons movie). The Shawshank Redemption and The Green Mile are two huge dramatic films of the 1990s – both based on works by Stephen King. The former was a novella in his 1982 Different Seasons and the latter a 1996 serial – what King is also notable for is the variety of mediums he writes in. King is the, well, king of modern horror writing, perhaps – he can be downright Lovecraftian at times – but he shines at dramatic writing too – the character of John Coffey (“Like the drink, but spelled differently”) is one which I think will truly stand the literary test of time: when Carrie and Misery, for all their pathos and shock, have been discarded, The Green Mile will probably remain standing. I’ve stated that King works in different mediums – from novel (i.e., The Shining) to novella (Apt Pupil) to really awful TV movie (uh, The © Signet Shining again – he didn’t like Kubrick’s take) to short story. King’s short stories are wonderful things – I could have written this whole article about them. King gets some things wrong, and he gets them wrong pretty consistently (his endings have no oomph, his female characters are badly written and he has a penchant for giving disabled people magical powers) but none of these things happen in his short stories, which, thankfully, are plentiful in his bibliography. Check out The Jaunt, which you’ll read in 5 minutes and never forget: in the future “jaunting” is a form of teleportation which allows for space travel during sleep – however, if the traveller is woken during the “jaunt” their conscious mind will be forced to bear the duration of the “jaunt” – physically the teleportation takes seconds, but to the conscious mind the journey takes an eternity. Guess what happens. Bone-chilling stuff. Sure, he’s done some pretty awful stuff – Duma Key, Dreamcatcher, Gerald’s Game – but King is entertainment through and though: he’s never very intellectually stressful and even at his worst, he entertains. Plus, he will really make you want to live in Maine: that’s where all the cool shit goes down.

Theatre UCC Dance’s annual charity competition (UCC Goes Dancing) is due to take place on the Sunday before R&G Week, 2011 – Ents Officer Gillian Murphy preps us for the event and shares some info about the event itself...

Murder on the dancefloor

Big Fish, Little Fish, Cardboard Box Who hasn’t done this?

gillian murphy takes us for a whirl in

The Robot

preparation for ucc goes dancing

When this is done correctly it can be extremely cool. However most people just do a semi-committed attempt at moving their hands up and down. Guys are certainly the worst offenders in this regard. Ladies you may blame Peter Crouch for making them think this is sexy and will make them irresistible to Abbey Clancy.

The enduring popularity of terrible songs like the Cha Cha Slide or the Ketchup song suggests that we like nothing more than following rigid rules on the dance floor. Like learning everything about the token female poet on the Leaving Cert English syllabus and then regurgitating it in the exam, we all like to feel prepared. Here are UCC Dance’s Top Ten Dance Moves!

Anything by Michael Jackson The Irish race was never meant to be exposed to such foreign influences as the Moonwalk and this violent clash of cultures becomes all too apparent when Thriller makes its yearly outing. Beer goggles make one miraculously blind to the murdering of this choreography.

Beyonce – Uh Oh, Uh Oh, Uh Oh For those of you who think that this gem has faded from the female consciousness, I dare you to request Crazy in Love in Havana’s and watch the fairer sex collectively give it socks.

Low – T-pain

YMCA You do exactly what it says in the title. Appealing to those too drunk to remember both a title and dance moves.

Macarena These moves seem to be present in the genetic code of every individual in Ireland. No one seems to have any idea when the repetition should stop however. The initial enthusiasm usually wanes by the 4th “Hey Macarena”, and many involved leave the dance floor, hanging their heads in shame. As they should.

Shorty Got Low, Low, Low, Low, Low, Low, Low Shorty lowered herself ever so slightly, she realised she was far too drunk for this, she carried on anyway, she gave up and she pushed herself up on her knee in an extremely sexy granddad-type fashion.

I am Michael Flatley Those few months when Galway Girl populated the finer establishments of Cork City taught us all that no one looks sexy doing a drunken jig. Though seeing orange hued ladies in tiny dresses looping arms and swinging around like proper cailíní gave hope to even the most disillusioned Gaelgóir.

Single Ladies Ms Knowles strikes again! The choreography echoes the female empowerment expressed in the song itself. When we were eight we made the girl power sign for every photo ever taken…. Single Ladies is the grown up version!

Bad Romance The plethora of Facebook pictures involving drunken students making claw movements is testament to the widespread popularity of this one. It’s simple, it’s fun and it’s Gaga, what’s not to love?!

INFO: UCC GOES DANCING The award winning UCC Dance Club’s annual charity showcase, UCC Goes Dancing, will be held this February 13th in the Everyman Palace Theatre. Doors will open at 7.30pm, with the show beginning at 8pm. It will feature performances from all the club’s classes including Ballet, Belly dance, Irish, Commercial, Hip Hop, Salsa and Break Dancing. As always, the main part of the evening will comprise of a competition along the lines of the BBC hit show ‘Strictly Come Dancing’ where a well known face of the UCC student body will show off their newly acquired skills. These students, who have been partnered with the Dance Club’s top dancers, will battle it out to win the coveted UCC Goes Dancing trophy. There will be celebrity judges there on the night to mark and comment on the

performances and the audience also gets to vote on who they want to win. The show is for charity. For the second year running, we are supporting the very worthy Cork Simon Community. Last year, we raised €4,000 for this wonderful charity with the help of all who bought tickets and participated in the raffle on the night. Even in these tough times, we are very optimistic that this year will be just as successful!

The couples are…

Audrey Dearing (Motley’s own Features Ed!) & Vahid Yazdanpanah Keith O’ Brien (UCC SU Prez) & Gillian Murphy Jamie Hooper (UCC FilmSoc Auditor) & Siobhan Ryan Tara Copplestone (UCC SU Ents Officer) & Ali O’ Sullivan

Theatre

Entertainments

Up close & personal kellie morrissey swallows her words while reviewing ucc dramat’s closer I had my fears about UCC Dramat’s latest production of Closer. Big fears: I love the original play by Patrick Marber, and I really love the 2004 Mike Nichols film and so I am always a little bit up-in-the-air about adaptations and different forms of things I really, really like. My main trepidation, however, lay in the youth of the actors who were supposed to be portraying these really quite mature (for the most part) characters: the play focuses on Alice and Dan and Anna and Larry, an older and younger couple who fall in love and swap partners over the course of a few years. It’s quite grown-up stuff. These fears were bolstered by a trailer that was posted on Facebook in the days leading up to the opening performance: everyone just looked so young and the quotes chosen were not very representative of the play and it was all a little scary. I bought my ticket already anticipating the level of cringe the production would elicit.

And yes, I feel like a prat. Closer – directed by Nicholas O’Riordan, current MA student – is an excellent through and through. Nicholas has here done a super job: the play is elegantly and sensitively directed from start to finish, with nary a technical glitch or a broken moment in the whole two hours’ running time. The set is cleverly designed and faultlessly changed between scenes, and the intimacy of the Granary theatre really gave quite a voyeuristic feel to the whole affair: I must reiterate, you do not leave the world of the play for a

moment once you’ve entered. It’s an excellent directorial effort, made even more impressive by the fact that it’s Nicholas’ directorial debut. The older couple are the stars here: Charlie Kelly, in particular, as Larry, is outstanding. I was initially quick to dismiss him as simply performing his best Clive Owen impression, but man, that is a very good Clive Owen impression. He is incredibly powerful: the break-up scene with Anna showcases his sweet brutality exceptionally well. I almost teared up. Well done, Charlie Kelly. Niamh O’Connor, portraying Anna, is also excellent – she brings a quiet grace to the part despite not being a DTS student: I hope to see her in more Dramat productions. Alice (Clodagh Duggan) is sadly not as convincing. It’s definitely the hardest part to play, but by the second act her American twang was creeping up in pitch and her more emotional scenes hinged on the melodramatic. Sean Huddelstan as Dan is pretty good but incredibly young-looking, something which works to break the magic. The only other criticism I can level is that the wardrobe was occasionally unsuitable. Otherwise? Flawless, something I hadn’t anticipated and something which I haven’t seen in an amateur production for a long time. The cast, crew, and especially the director, deserve some serious kudos here.

Weir & Wonderful joan morrissey reviews ucc dramat’s production of the weir I always approach drama with hesitancy though I consider myself an enthusiast. It conjures images of pantomime, over-acting and a general pain in the bum from sitting down for too long! However, the UCC Dramat society put on a production of Conor McPherson’s The Weir (directed by Barry Whelan) that was utterly entertaining. Set in a traditional Irish pub, The Weir personifies and illuminates rural, Irish, male culture in a way that I think many people can relate to and sympathise with. The men are from agricultural backgrounds, somewhere back ‘whesth’. Their loneliness and isolation are suggested through their lack of urgency to go home, hinting a lack of responsibility to spouse and family. There is fresh blood in the village, and indicative of small town mentality; this new lady’s sexual activity and motivation for relocation are questioned. Sexual history is not the only thing that haunts the characters

in this play. When the woman joins the men for a drink, a history of the local area quickly becomes entangled with tales of spirits that still linger around the area. The ghosts that linger digress to the ghosts that haunt the characters, of love and lives loved and lost. As the characters tell their stories the play unfolds, within the easily imagined pub setting. No great leap of the imagination needed here. But this pub represents a hub of social interaction, and lacks the sterile, impersonal atmosphere that accompanies many of the newly renovated urban superbars of today. The play’s strength draws on the intimacy created from its setting. The location and setting help create a feeling the audience were spying slightly into the characters lives. It is the insight into the characters lives, rather than melodrama in an imagined alternative world that I liked about this play. It is a social critique through enactment.

My critiques of the play are minor. I thought the stage props were too secular for the time and place they were trying to portray. There was no Lady of Lourdes, Child of Fatima, or Sacred Heart to be seen. I was also a little dubious about the bottle of Sambuca behind the bar, wondering if supply and demand would have facilitated its presence within the demographic and setting of the play. The female lead also held her cigarette with all the poise of a novice puffer. The play contains vulnerabilities - if acted badly, it could portray caricatures, but Barry Whelan instead manages to captivate a slice of Irish life which is dying out. The boy’s mannerisms and accents, as well as their delivery, was plausible and well delivered. I thought the female character had only a minor role, until her monologue was convincing enough that I had something in my eye by the finish.

Gaming

Tears on my X-box controller... andy o’mahoney recounts the top 5 story-telling moments in video-game history

Star Wars: Knights of the The Moment Old Republic The awkward moment when you realise you’re the guy who started an intergalactic war I didn’t like Star Wars as a kid. I liked films like Aliens or The Thing or Predator but certainly never Star Wars. It was just too kiddy for me. Knights of the Old Republic completely changed my mind on an entire franchise and it’s with good reason too. It took Star Wars seriously, rivaling any science fiction or fantasy novel for sheer depth in characterisation or issues like life and death. It treated the Force as an something not like magic, but projections of ourselves to be used for good or evil.

Throughout the game you play a trainee Jedi who has amnesia and no identity. References are made to the antagonist Darth Malek and his badass Sith Master who was recently killed by Jedi. You listen for hours on end to hear hhow this Sith Master was the most powerful wielder of the force and more dangerous than Darth Vader & Yoda put together. Until about three quarters of the way through and it’s revealed that it’s you who is this Sith Master and you had your mind wiped with the Force to be used by the Jedi. You are the guy who started this whole war. It brings about philosophical questions such as what is evil? Can evil be unlearned?

Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare

The Moment

War: what is it good for? Dying, apparently

You take the role of several characters in this game, including the president of the Middle Eastern country who is executed live on TV at the start of the game, which sets the tone for the whole game. But it’s the last mission of Sergeant Paul Jackson that really strikes a chord with the power of story-telling through the first person. You’ve just carried a downed pilot back onto your helicopter and as it lifts off, the unthinkable happens. A nuclear bomb emanates from the heart of the city you’re evacuating: a terrifying image. You’re sure your chopper will outrun the blast but it’s swallowed by the shockwave and your fellow marine is sucked

COD. A name more synonymous with marital breakdowns than war at this point but let’s look past its fiendishly addictive multiplayer and take a look at a story which, although lacking in character, makes up for it with its realistic handling modern day war. The game deals with a Middle Eastern nation which joins forces with Russian separatist forces to cause a hella’ amount of trouble for the world. Send in the marines. Hoo-rah.

Silent Hill 2 Going through your own personal hell? They made a video game about it. Silent Hill 2 is an incredibly grotesque, deeply disturbing game that ticks boxes on so many levels from emotional connections to the ones we love to our deepest fears of ultimately being alone in death. That’s some pretty deep stuff for any medium to attemp tto tackle but Silent Hill 2 takes a new spin on it. Following James Sunderland who has received a letter from his dead wife asking him to come to their “special place”, James soon finds himself fending off monsters and meeting characters that wouldn’t be too far removed from a David Lynch movie.

It’s my favourite twist in any medium and even the whole Darth Vader being a dad has nothing on this. © Lucas Arts

out beside you as the helicopter spins into the ground. You’ve survived - only to crawl out of the wreck to witness a city consumed by fire and swirling debris. A playground on fire completes the scene as your character looks to sky and a bright glow fills your screen dying from radiation poisoning.

The Moment Silent Hill, the town, is a venture into James mind as he confronts the truth about what really happened to his wife. It eventually leads to the revelation that he smothered her because he grew tired of being with someone who was sick and constantly afraid to die. Ultimately, he wanted to taste the vitality of life again and it’s almost understandable as to why he does it. But the entire game shows that you can’t run away from such consequences, as James literally battles with his sub-conscious. The end in which James finally finds Mary in his head, sits by her side and confesses his love for her is a touchingly powerful scene.

>>Continued on page 28

Entertainments

Half-Life 2: Episode 2

>>Tears on my xbox controller continued from page 27

The Moment

You save the day! But that’s no way to You play a scientist who, like any clique, has say goodbye… The Half-Life 2 universe is incredibly clever. It’s science fiction for the generation who’s seen one too many ray guns, dealing with a science experiment that goes horribly wrong and opens up our dimension to be taken over by an extra-dimensional empire known as The Combine. Think The Mist meets 1984 from there on.

Shadow of the Colossus You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes... Shadow of the Colossus is a game about the lessons of life. OK, it’s actually a game about you saddling up on your trusty steed and riding off to defeat sixteen Colossi (creatures the size of sky-scrapers) so as to resurrect your recently-dead wife. And that’s it. You ride around a barren yet eerily beautiful landscape looking for sixteen giant beasts to slaughter. What story?

lots of scientisty friends. One of these is a Bill Cosby-esque character who’s been with you from the start, mentoring you, joking about the old times when humans were allowed mate and even setting up you up with his daughter (what a guy!) - you really feel attached to him. Which makes watching him get killed by having his brains sucked out by a giant larva alien (seriously), then having to lie there helplessly as his daughter

The Moment What story indeed? Indeed the narration is kept to an absolute minimum except for the tell-tale signs of you growing more and more sick-looking as you kill the giant beasts. This makes you wonder if what you’re even doing is the right thing (after all the Colossi do look majestic and peaceful in their own right) but your love for your wife makes you persevere. And it is with the slaying of the last beast that it all becomes clear: you are transformed into a Colossus, showing that

Before their prime

cries over his body, an incredibly sad experience. Not only this, but the game ends on this note, fading out to the sobs of his daughter, leaving you in a depressed heap.

you have become one of the monsters you were so sure in killing. Love can also have another name: greed.

Television

brian byrne mourns the cancellation of some tv gold 3. Family Guy Debuted: 1999. Cancelled: 2000, 2002.

2. Arrested Development Debuted: 2003. Cancelled: 2006.

It would be unfair to say that Family Guy wasn't given a good chance at becoming something big. It debuted to 22 million viewers right after the Superbowl way back in 1999, immediately sparking controversy over the fact that its adult content was a little too adult.

There's a good chance many people will have my head for not putting this show in first place. And I might not hold it against you if you do.

Peter Griffin is essentially the ‘family guy’. He and his wife Lois head the Griffin household, which comprises two awkward (and not particularly attractive) teenagers, an evil (and probably homosexual) baby, and a martini-drinking (and talking) dog. Really, the show filled a void. It went places The Simpsons wouldn't. Evidently, this wasn't enough: low viewership meant the show was cancelled after its second season. However, as a last minute reprieve, the show returned for a third, and the show's few fans rejoiced – until of course it was cancelled again two years later. Family Guy returned for good in 2004. The catch? It wasn't, and still isn't, a patch on the show it once was. But it makes this list because it did the impossible: it came back from cancellation. Twice.

1. Freaks and Geeks Debuted: 1999. Cancelled: 2000.

I first watched this show during its initial run on what was then called Network 2. After subsequently forgetting about it for nigh on a decade, I rediscovered it – by complete accident – in Winter 2010 and my love for it Arrested Development follows the habitually was reignited. dysfunctional - and I don't use that word lightly - Bluth family, at the epicentre of At first glance Freaks and Geeks seems like which is the relatively honourable Michael just another show about high school, albeit Bluth. Michael, though at odds to them all, one set in the 1980s. Essentially it is, but does his best to keep his family together what makes it different is that it depicts high despite their many manipulative and school life from both sides of the spectrum: materialistic tendencies. the kids everyone bullies – the geeks – and the ones doing the bullying – the freaks. While it received almost universal critical acclaim the show gained a poor viewership Freaks and Geeks launched the careers of and was cancelled after 3 seasons. such famous faces as Seth Rogen, James Franco, and the simply lovable Jason Segel. As cult followings go, Arrested There is nothing I do not adore about this Development's have been productive. A show. Its devastatingly short run of just 18 huge online petition has since resurrected pristine episodes is now my eternal example the show in another form. A film script is of why quality is infinitely better than currently under development and is set for quantity. release sometime in 2012. Let's hope it's out before the world ends. Whether you're a freak or a geek, or something else entirely, I implore you to watch just one episode of this show. You can thank me with gift baskets filled with '80s awesomeness.

features@motley.ie

perfect stranger l.a. was developed in 2009 by journalist caitlin foyt to examine the millions of fascinating and diverse residents of l.a. to show what makes the city’s heart beat. perfect stranger cork hopes to continue that aim, only with people who say “like,” and “biy” more.

Name: Cathy O’Donoghue Age: 26 Cork Story: Cork born, from Clougheen

uying vintage clothing can be a tricky process, particularly when it comes to sifting through years of questionable fashion trends in order to extract what is universally chic. In the vintage business, timelessness is the name of game. It seems fitting then, that when I met Cathy O’Donoghue, the owner of vintage clothing store The Turquoise Flamingo, I felt as if I had known her for years within minutes of chatting. I came into her store to find her perched on a stool in a pose common to the secret slacker: hunched over her laptop as if cross-examining a business proposal. A closer inspection reveals that she is meticulously browsing her iTunes library, trying to select the perfect song. Creating an atmosphere is obviously important to Cathy, the evidence of which is everywhere in The Turquoise Flamingo. From the faded 70’s style wallpaper to the wooden owl-shaped clock that peered at us while we spoke, the shop radiates all the fun of a dress-up box without the rigidness so often found in boutiques. I’m stunned when she tells me she created the shop in seven days. “I got the keys ten days before Christmas Day, and had decided that I wanted to be open at least three days before Christmas… so that meant making over the entire shop in seven days, really,” she said. “I levelled the floor, which took awhile. I also managed to convince some friends to come paint my store on the Saturday before it opened instead of going to the pub.” I told her how impressed I am by her managing to open a shop in a city where it feels like a business is closing every other day, especially at the age of 26. She admits that she rarely slept in the days leading to the Flamingo’s opening, and remembers trying

to explain the concept to her father, who didn’t We agree that, no matter who you are, if you quite “get it.” “He gets it now though. I gave live in New York you probably know your him a leather tie and he wore it all Christmas fashion. Day. I was like, Dad, you look pimping.” Fortunately for Washington Street, the We bandy around the term “young website didn’t prove as lucrative as she entrepreneur,” and she seems shocked that initially hoped, leading to the opening of it might apply to her (“Twenty-six? Does that The Turquoise Flamingo in the building make me young?”), and I can’t say I blame her where Plug’d Records once stood. Bizarrely, either. When I think of young entrepreneurs, she’s been criticised for taking the place of I think of over-ambitious blazer wearing Cork’s favourite record shop, despite the fact types, the kind of kids that were always that the store’s owner closed and reopened finalists in the Young Scientist Awards. I’m a larger store on Caroline Street. “It was so relieved to find that I don’t pick up on this strange,” she said in puzzled laughter. “It was when I talk to her; she seems like the kind of as if I was some evil corporation trying to run girl whom you could grab a sneaky pint with, out the little record store with my big vintage or whom you could dance to terrible songs strip-mall. I mean, what the hell? This space with. It becomes obvious to me pretty quickly was free for over a year before I came along!” that for all her joking and quintessentially I asked her about the odd name of the shop, Cork “Ah-sure-it’ll-be-graaand,” demeanour, to which she admits it came from a project Cathy’s ambitions for her store and her she once did in her interior architecture passion for vintage clothing run far deeper course in CIT. “The assignment was to design then she lets on. She says her love for vintage a women’s clothes shop, so I called it The clothing started when she was twelve after Flamingo. And turquoise is just my favourite her mother gave her a jumper from the colour.” She pauses and laughs again “I’m eighties, complete with sequins and shoulder such a child. I name things after my favourite pads. She loved the feeling of standing out colour!” I laugh, and as I turn to go I think and looking different, and the hoarding of about how you could succeed in business second-hand vintage started from there. She without having to lose your sense of wonder started a website, www.turqoiseflamingo. and whimsy. “I’ll see you later,” she waves “I com, and gushes over the day she sold a dress have a morning of some serious Facebook picture de-tagging ahead of me anyway.” to a customer in New York.

“Children are Shit”

caroline o’donoghue

here is a conversation that girlfriends in their late teens and early twenties enjoy having with their boyfriends, and it goes something like this: “...but what would we do if I got pregnant?” Women are heinous creatures, and we feed off exchanges like this, delighting in our ability to make our partners squirm under the weight of our womb’s authority. As a recovering serial monogamist, I’ve had this conversation a couple of times. At least enough times to know that the real question is not what “we” would do, but what you would do. Generally, the answers are very similar. There is a terrified, groping silence followed by the stock response, which will always refer to some element of standing: of being a stand-up guy, of standing by you, and of understanding whatever you choose to do. They briefly entertain the notion of what it would be like to be a young father (“I’d be a cool dad! He could have an awesome name, like Wolverine!”), and then move on. Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve realised something about myself. That, in the event that I fell pregnant, whatever stand-up was responsible would probably be getting into far more then he realised. What I mean by that is, I’d skip town, assume the alias of Natalia Herschlagg and leave little Wolverine in the arms of his bewildered dad. I’ve discovered something, and it’s that I hate babies.

“Until two years ago, I never knew any babies, and therefore assumed that someday I wouldn’t mind making some.” Try to understand. Until two years ago, I never knew any babies, and therefore assumed that someday I wouldn’t mind making some. When my older brother Shane and his girlfriend decided the same thing, I couldn’t be happier for him. The hints that neither of us knew what he was getting into were numerous, and probably summed up best by, in response to whether he hoped for a boy or a girl he answered “Transformers.” Countless sleepless nights and several small nervous breakdowns later, Shane is a hardened parent, able to change a nappy with one hand and pour a pint with the other. And I’m proud of him. The only person I’m not particularly proud of is me, because even though Baby Jack has wormed his way into the hearts of everyone who crosses his path, my position as the family sociopath leaves me sceptical. Although I will readily admitting to finding Jack (objectively) adorable and loving him like I love any member of my family,

there are dark parts of me that don’t care for him at all. I’ll even go so far as to admit that I actively avoid my own nephew, whose greatest pleasures consist of destroying books, hiding cutlery, and punching my dog in the face. Curiously, the greater my aversion to him, the more he insists on winning me over. He has a remarkably acute sense of when I’m at my most hungover, choosing these quiet moments to simultaneously climb on my face and beat me to death with the remote. Even watching Toy Story with him has become a chore. At two, he fails to understand the finer points of storytelling in Toy Story, instead choosing to scream in uncompromised joy whenever Buzz Lightyear appears on screen. I know I’m supposed to find all of this endearing, and I know that calling a baby an asshole under your breath is a bit wrong. I also know that, as the youngest child, these feelings can probably be explained by a psychological response to a younger child taking my place as the “baby” of the family. But what I find harder to believe is that these feelings will someday go away, and that at some point my biological clock will kick in and I’ll be desperate to reproduce. These feelings are probably natural for someone in their twenties, and maybe I only feel weird about them because my core female friend group consists of maternal types who major in social care and work in teddy bear shops (seriously). Although the issue of whether or not I ever have children isn’t entirely relevant right now, there is a looming shadow of dread on the horizon in the shape of my sister’s one year wedding anniversary. For months, I’ve lived in fear that she’s going to bequeath the family with an additional bundle of joy. Attempting to deter any of her reproductive inclinations with informational pamphlets and whisperings of “the women in our family never get their figures back” may work now, but they won’t hold out forever. Perhaps emigration is in order.

24 Things that me happy...

1. Fresh linen on my bed 2. Standing in the shower long after I’m clean 3. No queues into the Bailey 4. Haagen Dazs Belgium chocolate ice-cream served with

pancakes

5. Finding money in my jeans that I didn’t know was there 6. Realising the “I thought it was just me!” things happen to everyone

7. Picking up my phone and getting a text a second later

A Med Student’s Guide to Aberrant Ailments

Murphy‘s Law Former University Observer Fashion Editor Kieran Murphy points out the differences (and similarities) between UCD and UCC, loike.

Think you have it rough? Happy-Happy-Smiles-Until-Your-Facial-MusclesCramp-Week is a’comin, and it’s time that everyone celebrates the positive things in life. That time when one should appreciate what they have, or don’t have as the case might be for some. Being a medical student, one hears of some very strange and difficult diseases people have to deal with. Here are some of the more bizarre that you can be thankful has avoided your (what I hope to be) good health.

The Vampire Disease In light of the recent Twilight fad, people should learn that being an actual sufferer of Congenital Erythropoetic Porphyriaif, well, sucks! The symptoms include severe photosensitivity to minimal UV light (hence they avoid the sun), brown gums, teeth that glow under a night light, and psychosis. Before the disease was better understood in the old days, symptoms could only be relieved by ingesting heme, found only in blood. There is some dispute as to whether the disease caused the folklore or vice versa, but sufferers, although rare, don’t like being stigmatised as being an outright Patterson/Lautner fan.

The Exploding Head © Univsersity Observer

I took a visit to your fair college in the second week of January, and have to say I noticed some marked differences yet striking similarities. A particular difference I noticed between our two colleges is UCC's lack of posters. In UCD, posters are a timehonoured tradition and if a society doesn't have any, it doesn't exist, in a real Descartes kind of way. UCD was designed by a Polish communist architect whose main aesthetic was to prevent rioting on campus. He put in a lake so we have nowhere to form a rally, the steps are wonky so if we charge we fall, and there are tunnels so lecturers can escape and campus residents can live out their Fantastic 5 Fantasies. The point I'm trying to get across here is that UCD is a disgusting grey depressing place, so to brighten it up we cover most of the columns and walls with tacky posters (some of the tackiest of which I've designed). Every Thursday at 7 am (Yes. 7am), the societies gather for the Great Poster Run, in which they position themselves and wait for the Societies' Office (yeah it's an Office, not a Guild, freaks) Chairperson to shout “Go,” and then the madness begins. People get knocked to the ground, pushed by people scrambling for the last available poster space, and there’s a lot of running around checking if anyone broke the rules. (There are SO many rules, and if you break any of them your poster will be taken down immediately, so your entire effort will be wasted.) While all the posters in UCD add a student’s touch to campus environment, I maintain that UCC will always be better looking in my eyes. My heart was warmed when I visited your campus and saw a picturesque wedding take place- even after I realised it was just the LGBT demonstating a point.I knew nothing about it; there weren’t enough posters.... Kieran Murphy is an English and Film Studies student in UCD, and is training to be a Sex Astronaut with Virgin Travel

“Ew” I can hear you all exclaim! It’s not what you think, as that only happens with shotguns. People who suffer this phenomenon spontaneously hear “explosions” in their ears without any stimulus, which, as you can imagine, is very painful. As the problem is in the auditory nerves themselves, covering your ears does nothing! They frequently get exasperations in their sleep which can leave them very tired and anxious over their next “bang.”

The Jumping Frenchman of Maine This is a brain disorder causing extremely abnormally violent behaviour and seizures when exposed to loud noises. Something as innocent as a mobile phone can set it off. Another tell-tale sign of the condition is heper-rexplexia, where one responds to a command involuntarily if told do to so in a loud authoritative voice. These poor people can never enjoy the atmosphere of a nightclub. (EVERYBODY SLIDE.)

The Dr. Strangelove More colloquially known as Alien Hand Syndrome, this is also a brain disorder where one loses the ability to control the voluntary action of their hand. Unlike a seizure where the action is erratic, these are controlled motions with some rare cases of patients consciously unable to stop their hand from pulling a Prendeville or even, in one case, strangling themself in their sleep!

Sexsomnia It isn’t always alcohol that causes one to sleep with some guy or girl and not remember them the next morning. Due to its nature it is often abused in law courts by sex offenders, or less often, used as a basis for a rape claim between married couples.

The Zombie Disease This is veering more to the psychological extreme. Also known as the Cotard Delusion, people with this condition believe that they are dead or have had vital organs removed from them. In more extreme cases, they don’t even believe they exist and think they can defy the laws of physics (with disastrous consequences)!

The Fishmonger Also known as Trimethylaminurea, this is a protein breakdown disorder leaving breath, sweat, and urine with a very unpleasant and potent fish-like smell (not that they were very sweet-smelling to begin with). Ingesting any form of meat worsens the condition so they can’t guzzle their post-club Micky D’s or Hillbilly’s like most.

The Mask Moebius Syndrome is a neurological condition where the facial muscles are not innervated properly, causing paralysis. This can cause difficulty breathing, eating, swallowing and talking. These poor people, above all, can smile about nothing!

Real Beauty audrey dearing

and this translated into a more classically feminine look. The classic example of beauty from this time is Marilyn Monroe, who was often cited as being a size 16. The reality is that her weight fluctuated over her lifetime, and due to vanity sizing her modern dress size would more accurately be described as an 8. However, there is no doubt that the hourglass shape ruled the 1950’s. Large hips and breasts were ideal.

tandards of beauty have changed over the course of history, sometimes drastically. As strange as it may seem today, skinny stick insects weren’t always considered the ideal that they are now, and soft women with curves who would be considered fat today were coveted. In the 19th century, women will full figures were considered the height of beauty. Paintings depicting the ideal woman show full breasts, and a large waist and thighs, carefully corseted into a voluptuous S-shape. Women with large hips were seen to be fertile and beautiful, able to produce healthy children. Pale skin was also highly valued, as rich women were able to spend most of their time indoors as opposed to working outside. With the first World War in the 1940’s, women went to work in factories and shipyards. The image that women strived to convey was that of competence, independence, and strength, and due to the sexist ideas of the time, that translated into masculinity. As the war ended and the men came back from overseas, women once again adopted skirts and high heels, and curves came back into style. Women were seen as ornamental and helpless once again,

This trend of beauty more or less continued until the 1920's, with the climax of the first wave of the feminism movement. Women rebelliously cut their hair short for virtually the first time, and a thinner, more androgynous body came in vogue. Women sometimes went as far as to bind their chests to make themselves look flat to look more boyish as they fought to earn their rights as equals to men.

The second wave of feminism occurred in the 1960’s and lasted until the late 1980’s. Women fought to earn a place out of the household and into the work place, and once again androgynous, boyish figures were considered stylish, personified by the 1960’s model, Twiggy. It was at this time our current, distorted views of the attractiveness of underweight women took root. Rates of cosmetic surgery, such as liposuction and tummy tucks, soared for the first time. Magazines such as Playboy and television shows such as Baywatch contributed to the unrealistic ideals of beauty. An awkward balance emerged with the new millennium as women tried to be both independent and sexually desirable, two concepts which had been needlessly

history. As many as 200,000 people in Ireland alone are believed to be affected by some form of eating disorder (Department of Health and Children, 2006), and Irish girls have a 1-2% chance of developing anorexia nervosa or bulimia in their lifetime. There is hope for society, however. Initiatives such as Miss Naked Beauty and Dove’s Campaign for Real Beauty promote realistic portrayal of women. The fashion industry is beginning to follow suit, such as the banning of models with a BMI of under 18 from Madrid Fashion Week (a healthy BMI is from 20 to 25). In February of 2010, Debenhams began using size 16 mannequins in their store front windows. With education and support, it is highly possible that this over-airbrushed society will begin to realize the beauty of healthy men and women.

conflicting up until this point. Large breasts were still in fashion, but virtually no waist, hips, or thighs, which is clearly not realistic without surgery due to the way body fat is distributed in women. With the invention of photoshop and other photo and video-editing tools, rates of distorted body image are the highest in recorded

However, ultimately it is up to you as an individual to decide whether or not you are happy with your body. Realize that a woman can be shapely and sexy and still be strong and independent, that you do not need masculine body proportions in order to be successful; looks and mental capability are not mutually exclusive. Think of yourself less as ornamental and place more emphasis on the substantial aspects of yourself, such as your goals and your interests. But if you want to be a blonde bombshell, be one with your own checking account and a first class honours in physics, and don’t let anyone try to bring you down. If you are concerned about your eating or with a friend’s, contact BodyWhys helpline on LoCall 1890 200 444

To gain some insight into body image in UCC, Motley carried out a survey of students, male and female, to find out our body issues and fears. what do you think the average penis size is?

what do you think the average dress size is?

what do you think the average bra size is?

Men

Women

Actual

Men

Women

Actual

Men

Women

Actual

4.5 in

5.3 in

5 in

34 C

36 B

Q: What do you like about how you look?

Q: What would you change about how you look?

The Girls....

The girls - My weight in general; I’m in unhappy with my stomach/ legs

- Not a lot - Eyes - Smile

Q: What affects your body image most? The girls... - Magazines - Seeing my models & other icons I look up to

- Dark circles under my eyes

Q: What do you find most attractive about the opposite/same sex? The girls... - Similar personality to myself, similar style to myself - Smile, laugh, clothes

The Guys

The guys...

- Lookin fine

- I wish I hadn’t moobs

- Seeing other people around college

- The way they act, if they’re friendly

- Girls, lol

- I like women who are caring, kind

- My legs are firm, body is tight

-Smaller feet. I have really big feet! - More muscles

8. Watching snow fall from inside a warm house 9. When my favourite song comes on at the club 10. Listening to a new CD 11. My girlfriend 12. When you run into the person you were trying to run into 13. Banter 14. Waking up in the morning and finding out physics is cancelled

15. A cold drink on a hot day

16. A hot drink on a cold day 17. A goodnight’s sleep 18. Lying in bed listening to the raindrops 19. Scoring the person you like for the first time 20. Getting mail that’s not bills or junk 21. Free food 22. Pizza at 1 am 23. When my reputation precedes me 24. Seeing your lecturer locked and taking photos Written by Ryan Gallagher.

History of UCC According to Clubs and Societies “On rooting through a cabinet in the Accommodations Office, Societies Guildie John O Donoghue discovered a whole museum-load full of documents, photographs and stories about UCC Clubs and Societies- right from the 1800s to the present day. What he found is to be catalogued into Special Collections in the Boole Library.In this four part feature, he takes us through the best things he rediscovered, and why they’re so important for the history of UCC.”

y the 1940’s, the Guild Council (now the Students’ Union), was the elected student body which recommended to clubs and societies to get permits for dances, which were previously only held about four times a year, and imposed discipline within meetings. Dances became hugely popular as student numbers gradually increased throughout the interwar period, and as a result, many societies began to organise individual dances of their own throughout the 1930s and early 1940s. It was reported in the 1944 edition of The Quarryman (the student magazine at the time) that “Society dances, as such, will not be held in the future.” The Guild Council took complete control over them and allocated dances to different societies and clubs along with the usual end-of-year Guild Council Dance. This created the strange amalgamation of dances throughout the 40’s and 50’s, such as the Commerce and Chemistry Dance in 1956 and the Rugby and Engineering Dance in the late 50’s. It wasn’t until the late 60’s that dances became individualised again and organised by the societies themselves.

The 1940 edition of The Quarryman also mentions that the Guild Council began to organise mass student meetings, which continued until the 80’s, where every student in the college could attend and air their views, similar to the current Student Council. In the same edition of the Quarryman, the Guild Council President Mr. P McGrath urged the authorities in the college to encourage more students to mix together by joining clubs and societies and expand their “liberal learning outside of lectures.”

With the assent of Alfred O’Rahilly as President of University College Cork, in 1943 came huge changes for both academic life and clubs and societies. The college authorities attempted to exercise paternalism over student life and morals. O’Rahilly himself gave or withheld permission for student debates and he is reputed to have chastely pinched the legs of seated females in the Quad in order to ensure that they were really wearing stockings (scarce and dear during the Emergency). At the same time O’Rahilly regarded the Philosophical Society as his special forum, and regularly debated at house meetings with the students and other figures from Cork City. On the clubs side, the Boxing, Hockey and Swimming Clubs were all very popular during the 40’s and regularly featured in The Quarryman. As mentioned in the previous article of this series, Rag Days were cancelled in 1944,

as reported by the Quarryman in that year: “We must presume that it was on account of a few isolated incidents in last year’s Rag Day.” The paper accused the Academic Council of treating UCC students like “refectory schoolboys.” This authoritarian spirit prevailed in the college and societies up until the mid-60’s with this extract contained in the Rules for Students at the time: “No meeting of students shall be held for the purpose of expressing any opinion or taking action in any manner unless the consent of the president shall have been previously informed.” As a result of these codes of conduct enforced on UCC students, only a few clubs and societies began life in these years, with only the Historical Society starting in 1949. Also during these times, accommodation in UCC was pathetically inadequate. A leaky wooden hut was used as the junior botany laboratory, and army huts were used as drawing offices for the civil engineering department. It wasn’t until the late 50’s and early 60’s where huge growth in student numbers, especially in the sciences, gave way to student leaders at the time gaining a new confidence of their age. Male medical students in particular coolly disregardedauthoritarianism, convinced of their superiority, and featured disproportionately in running student societies throughout the 60’s. They were particularly to the fore in the Philosophical Society where they would regularly provide impressive speakers. It is well-documented that student change was effected through student societies, new and old. The now defunct Markievicz Society was an early influence in promoting feminist consciousness among female and male students. Gradually, the college authorities changed their traditional opposition to allowing political party activity on campus

>>Continued on page 35

Bringing Beamish Back

ryan james o’callaghan-locke van koenig

alking past the old Beamish and Crawford brewery site, one couldn’t help but think, “What a waste.” The architecture of Cork is a collective mix of styles, but out of all these, the Beamish and Crawford Counting House is the most synonymous with Cork’s industrial and brewing history. Sadly for us students, the building has long been in decline. However, recent plans by Heineken Ireland and BAM Contractors have been announced to redevelop the site into a mixture of retail and residential units, including an event centre. The area around these buildings will consist of public spaces catered towards providing a central location for tourism in Cork City, something for which this city is seriously lacking when compared to smaller cities, such as Galway’s Eyre Square. At the centre of this new tourist hub will be the preserved Counting House and Brewery Buildings with the addition of a unique viewing tower. These buildings will provide a unique experience: delving into Corks past. From the Vikings to the Tudors to the present day, the history of Cork will be charted alongside that of the site and its changing role over the centuries. In the gallery space of the existing Mash Loft, there will be a permanent collection of historical records as well as preserved industrial machinery used in the brewery. This will provide a unique experience on par with St. James Gate in Dublin, allowing for tourists and locals alike to really interact with history-a point which is often overlooked by historic centres. A 360 degree panoramic view will rival the Elizabeth Fort for the best view in the City, allowing us and tourists to truly appreciate the span

of Cork and its relationship to the sea which aided its development. Located alongside this there will be a creative space in which will be an eight-screen cinema, serving as a much needed amenity in the area. A key feature of the site will be an event centre which will run occupy nearly a third of the site and provide a state-of-the-art building ideal for world-class performances from international artists, concerts, and sports events. With capacity for 6000 people, the centre will be the largest in Cork City and will hopefully attract a regular influx of people to Cork from across the country and world. Heineken Ireland and BAM Contractors are already in talks with Live Nation, the owners of the O2 Dublin, to attract international events and artists to play in the venue. All in all, the future looks rosy for the old Dame of South Main Street, and I for one can’t wait for construction to get under way. However life isn’t that simple. Despite providing an injection of €150 million into the local economy, construction jobs, and the promise of 360 jobs once fully operational, there are still naysayers to the project. Their complaints range from the benign to serious concern, but all have in common a short-mindedness and a lingering for a past that one must accept is no longer feasible or possible in modern 21st Century Ireland. Instead one must look at the broader picture that being that the location is for us all as Corkonians, not just for tourists. No longer will the site be isolated from the city, but instead shall lie at its heart for centuries to come, and of that I am glad and looking forward in anticipation of great things to come. © Heieken

>>History of UCC continued from page 34 student magazines without censorship was gradually established and accepted by college authorities allowing student to finally express themselves properly. This is clearly seen in the records with another explosion of societies starting during the 1970s such as the Macra Na Feirme Society in 1975, Medieval and Renaissance Society in 1978, and the Surgeon Noonan Society also in 1978.

with the formation of a Fianna Fáil society in 1967, and a Fine Gael Society by the end of the 1960’s. Other societies also started in the 60’s such as the Maths Society in 1964 along with the Sociological Society in 1969. With UCC President Micheal D. McCarthy (1967-78), the college expanded rapidly primarily with the Kane Science Building built in 1971, described as an “abomination” by UCC President Tadhg ó Ciardha, and the new Boole Library in 1982 in the site of the old Quarry sports pitches (which is why the floors in the library today are entitled Q+1 etc). From the 60’s to the 80’s, societies eventually began to select their own topics for debate without having to seek staff or presidential approval. Also the right to publish

The final article in this series will discuss the huge changes the 1980s brought to UCC along with the first Clubs and Societies Ball in 1983. The 1990s also brought about an explosion in student services along with even more clubs and societies joining the UCC family.

Look-a-Likes in a new monthly feature, motley finds the inner celebrities of college students. if you think you look like a famous face, email us at features@motley.ie.

“It’s an addiction. I love clothes. I like o go down Melrose and look in all the windows and I go to different flea markets. I have lots of costumes. You never know when you’re going to have to dress up like a milkmaid from the 1600’s.”

from this...

to this...

Kate Dixon 1st Year Arts Actress and singer Zooey Deschanel is known for playing quirky roles in movies such as Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, Yes Man, and 500 Days of Summer. A spokeswoman for Rimmel London Cosmetics since 2010, one could describe her indie style as sweet, feminine, and unique. © Michael Holland

“I love old music, old movies, screwball comedies, vintage clothes. Basically I’m an oldfashioned gal.”

“I don’t want to be a babe. I don’t want vanity to ever get in the way, because I think to maintain that, you have to be aware of yourself all the time, and that gets in the way of acting. My job’s not to be the beautiful person. My job is to be the best actor I can be.”

Important Life Lessons Learned cathal brennan Rule #4 – Children’s Television Is Intended to Be Suitable for Children.

he other night, I decided to take a load off and do absolutely nothing. Yeah, I have plenty of projects and essays to do, but that is what Red Bull and all-nighters are for. I bought a few beers, ordered a pizza, threw myself on the couch, and had a sconce at the television. However, there was a slight problem in my plan: there was nothing on television. One hundred something channels, and nothing on except a documentary about Hitler on the History Channel, Two and a Half Men, and The Oireachtas Report. Not only that, but the internet was bollixed, so there was no chance of streaming anything online. In pure desperation, I decided to see what the kids’ channels offered, and lo and behold: Spongebob Squarepants, a show much funnier than Charlie Sheen ‘acting’ like a burnt out misogynist alcoholic, and much more intelligent and current than anything the History Channel or the Séanad could offer. In conclusion, Spongebob is great to watch while consuming a few of those 89c cans that you can buy in Fine Wines on Washington Street. The day after, I realised that it had been the first time that I ever watched Spongebob in English. I had only seen it before on TG4 in Irish, as my house back home in West Cork only having the terrestrial channels. Thinking back to my childhood, the television I grew up with was actually pure shite. There was no such thing as Sky Movies or what have you; on Friday night you watched The Late Late Show, on Saturday you watchedThe Pat Kenny Show, and on Sunday you watched fecking Glenroe. The only thing on TV that I can remember being of any worth was Father Ted, Pokémon, and The Den. Many is the time that I got home from school and watched Dustin the Turkey and Soky the Sockmonster while eating dinner, ie. feeding my bacon and cabbage to my dog under the table. One day back in the day, as The Den ended and the utterly braindead sludge that is Home and Away started, my brother suggested that we should apply for “The Big Bus Quiz” on The Den. It was on every

Tuesday, and had nothing in particular to do buses of any kind, except for the inclusion of badly animated buses in the opening graphics that preceded the quiz. The quiz involved answering ridiculously easy general knowledge questions in order to win cds, stickers, and made-for-TV kids’ movies on video cassettes. My mam decided that it would be a great idea to have us on the telly, and so a letter was sent away to Donnybrook to secure us our debut slot on national television. Two months later, and mam had exciting news for myself and brother in the car ride back from school. We were set to appear onThe Den in three weeks time, the bastion of Irish children’s television. The rest of the day was spent calling all our relations and friends, telling everyone of our imminent rise to stardom. This took quite a while, as Facebook was yet to be created. On the day of our television debut, we arrived at the RTÉ television studio off of South Mall, and were ushered into a tiny studio. We were sat in front of a green screen, and microphones were fixed onto the front of our t-shirts. (I was wearing a Liverpool jersey. It was a gift from an uncle, and also perhaps his attempt of crowbarring sport into my psyche.) We sat in anticipation for what seemed like hours, before finally the time had come to go on air. The jarring title music played, and we were connected through the wonders of technology to Dustin and Soky up in Dublin. Before we started the game, we were subject to the usual barrage of questions from the puppets – where are you from , what school do you go to, is there anyone you’d like to say hello to, etc. Dustin, an avid supporter of Manchester United, decided to throw me a curveball. Noticing that I was wearing a Liverpool jersey, he questioned why I supported them. Startled, I replied with as few syllables as I possibly could. “Uh, they’re good,” I stuttered. What do I think of his beloved Manchester United, he asked next. I was beginning to panic by this stage, my lack of knowledge regarding all things football

weighing heavily on my shoulders. A discussion about sport on national television was not what I had signed up for, especially when all my friends and their mothers would be watching on. Dustin obviously spotted that I wasn’t the sporting type and wanted to expose me as fraudulent in front of all my friends. In desperation, I looked to my brother for a way out, some suggestion of an answer that would suffice. Seeing that I was struggling, my brother leaned down and told me to say that they were bad. Armed with this knowledge, I looked at Dustin right in the eyes through the monitor before me, and told him what I thought of his team. ”They’re crap,” I said. Now, in today’s society, where the rule of the church has subsided and everybody isn’t up their own arse as they used to be, that wouldn’t have been a dreadful thing to say. Back in 1998, however, my comment was the equivalent of Paul Gogarty’s outburst in the Dáil two years ago. The technician in our studio glared at me in disbelief; the parents looking in at the studio gasped as their precious youngest son uttered a profanity to a puppet, and the puppeteer handling Soky audibly laughed out of character, thus shattering the illusion for boys and girls throughout the country. I quietly realised that I may have been slightly out of line, and so allowed my brother to answer questions for the rest of the quiz. The next day, the recording of the incident was played in front of the whole school in the computer room. As the room of youngsters erupted in laughter and applause at my line, I went red and looked determinedly out the window. I was not reminded about my TV cameo until at least one month later, and the word ‘crap’ was banned in every class room. Nowadays, as I struggle through essays regarding European Union policy, pretentious French literature from a century that no one cares about, and grammar, I can’t help but consider dropping out of college to become a presenter on kids’ TV. Being paid to watch Spongebob sounds like a pretty nice arrangement.

Lovely Chicken Risotto (Serves 2)

sam ryan

Ingredients! Chicken Breasts x2 Arborio Rice (risotto rice), 2-3 big handfuls Parmesan Cheese Butter (shitloads) Stock cube (chicken) Half a big onion, full small one Salt and Pepper White Wine and Peas (optional but yummy!)

Recipe steps... So first of all start off by frying off your chicken breast in a little bit of oil/butter in a pan. Cook them until they're cook through and leave to the side. Then you dice up your onion nice and finely and add it, along with a good knob of butter, to the pan you're gonna cook your risotto in (try and pick a nice big one as the rice is gonna expand during cooking) on a medium heat. After the onions are nice and soft (5 mins approx) add the rice, along with another good knob of butter, turn the rice in the onions and butter for a few minutes on a low heat. If you have it now is the time to add a glass of white wine and let it evaporate off (might seem a waste but it'll leave behind all its aromatic wonderfulness). Dissolve your stock cube in the suggested amount of hot water on the pack. Ladle the stock into the rice pan little by little and keep stirring as much as you can. Keep repeating this step on a low heat for about 25 mins or until the rice has doubled in size and is soft and ooozy! Here's where it gets sexy! Shred up the cooked chicken into bite-size pieces and add to the rice (which should be fully cooked now) along with the peas, two big handfuls of grated Parmesan and a couple more small knobs of butter (I know this is a lot of butter but we're young tis grand!). Stir all this together and let it sit on a very low heat, or off with a lid on, for another couple of minutes until the butter and cheese have melted and the peas are warmed through! Serve and eat! (sprinkle a bit more parmesan on the top if you feel like it!)

oodles of noodles... Koka Chicken Noodles, €0.85 By far the best for what you pay. very tasty even if the sauce is a bit weak

Mc Donnells Super Noodles Chicken, €1.15 Not bad tasting but not worth the price. Bit greasy too.

Shanghai Garden Noodles, €0.29 Manky, just don't do it they cost that for a reason

Fashion fashion@motley.ie

Kathryn O’Regan

Don’t look back in anger

the 90s are back, warns kathryn o’ regan. this time think simple rather than the spice girls.

he funny thing about fashion is that it is cyclical. In reality, there is no such thing as ‘in’ or ‘out’, because sooner rather than later that fashion faux pas is going to be ‘bang on trend’ (ahem... Gok Wan terminology). In 2011 we’re looking back; things are coming around again and not merely garment styles, but an entirely different approach to fashion is resurfacing. Throughout the noughties there was a predisposition for the ‘glam’ - the ‘IT’ bag, the fake nails, the big sunglasses, the sparkles. Although, I would not go so far to say that this has been completely discarded, fashion is certainly moving toward a more pared down aesthetic. Elle UK’s February subscribers’ cover is the perfect example of this new approach. Chanel Iman in fluoro -pink - skirted Jil Sander with white Kurt Cobain – esque sunglasses. A fashion moment; minimal yet startling. The interesting thing about this shot is that it could just as well have been taken sometime in the mid - nineties as opposed to 2011, consider Naomi Campbell in fluorescent yellow for a Harpers’ Bazaar in 1994. The crux is, and perhaps, a deep breath is needed, the nineties are well and truly back. Spring 2011 is superficially concerned with a 1970s’ revival, but on a larger scale, fashion

is looking to the nineties for consistent inspiration. The new decade heralds a desire for more a simplistic approach to style that harks back to the nineties - simple straight lines, block colours, practicality and loose fits. It is not the nineties’ style which is precariously situated in grunge and all its sloppy layers and dishevelment, but rather, something cleaner and fuss free. The nineties is a peculiar decade as regard fashion. It is difficult to believe 1990 was over twenty years ago now, and therefore, we are only beginning to look back at the decade with a new appreciation. But, it is this simplicity, in contrast to the hyperbolic style of the eighties, that is the over arching theme of nineties’ fashion. And while grunge has a part to play in this, it’s not the only thought – worthy factor.

In some ways the nineties is one of the less fashion forward decades – there was no sartorial revolution and actually, very little glitz ‘n’ glam, yet there are still considerable motifs such as denim, Britpop (and here consider the parka, sportswear and the first lady of Britpop herself, Justine Frischmann), wide leg trousers, the maxi, Gap and the dependency on ‘the basic’, centre partings, androgyny, Kate Moss and Johnny Depp – THE couple of the nineties, and labels such as Calvin Klein, Stella McCartney for Chloe and Jil Sander.

There’s a ‘back to basics’ element of nineties fashion that is especially appealing now after the over - indulgence of the noughties, in a similar manner to how respite from eighties’ theatricality was craved at the dawn of the nineties. The ‘It’ obsession of the decade just passed is over; there is a desire for clothes with longevity in terms of both quality and style. Fashion will always have its frivolity, John Galliano is not likely to pare down anytime soon, but the themes that trickle down to the mass public are the most important. Starting this new decade in the grip of recession, the majority of us are likely to think long and hard over what we purchase now. The days of purchasing a new pair of shoes that will only coordinate with one dress are dead and buried, that pair of shoes will now have to go with everything.

Remarkably, the designers just mentioned are at the forefront of the shift to simple again in 2011, or perhaps, more correct, they never necessarily abandoned this approach, but now they are more relevant. And that’s the heart of the matter; fashion is cyclical because it aims to be relevant and to capture the mood of the time, and often that mood just so happens to have been experienced before.

Fashion

‘Have you seen her have you heard’ kathryn o’ regan so very often, musicians are touted as style icons. on closer inspection, it is not so much their outfits that we seek to emulate, but rather, the whole attitude of the musician. however, if we can’t have their lifestyle or indeed, their talent, we can sure as hell try our best to channel their sense of style. musicians have that rare ability to get away with anything, and not least in their wardrobe choices. they are daring, confident and surely, ‘cool’ was invented for them. with that in mind, i give you some of the very coolest ladies who rock and roll.

PJ Harvey Polly Jean is not afraid to be dramatic, dark and contradictory. Her style is exactly this – mini skirts, vampish black, mannish suits, slinky evening dresses and high heels, flamboyant makeup and messy hair. It’s a powerful, intoxicating mixture of the trashy, the otherworldly and the masculine. Not for the faint hearted.

Debbie Harry

mac russian red lipstick

With her two – tone peroxide blonde hair, Monroe pout and razor – sharp cheekbones, Debbie was spectacular in whatever she wore. Her attitude was (and still is) bold and outrageous, and her clothes equally audacious. She’s a punk and risk taker in sequins, skinny jeans, slogan t – shirts, short shorts, leotards and red vixen lips. One word: atomic.

Victoria Legrand There’s a touch of the mystical about Victoria. She’s a perfect blend of the dreamy and cool. Tumbling dark locks and a mix – match wardrobe of spangle, sheer shirts, polka dots, costume dresses and playful vintage pieces. She counts Barbarella as her style icon...I’m not sure the rest of us could get away with that.

€46 topshop

€102 topshop

Joni Mitchell Joni has this rare angelic grace that is impossible not to want to emulate. She’s unearthly and fairy like with her satin fall of golden hair and mellow wardrobe of cheese cloth dresses ©growfonder.blogspot.com in coral and cream, black maxis and stone studded jewellery.

Patti Smith Masculine and androgynous, Patti is the coolest of them all. No one tells this lady what to do, and her clothes say precisely that. Blazers, braces, button – ups, boots, dishevelled hair, bare – faced. On anyone else it is scruffy, tomboyish attire, on Patti it is somehow elegant.

Fashion Moment #4

Who? Cassie from series one/two of Channel 4’s Skins When? Series One, 2007 What? No one quite recovered from the loss

of the original cast of Skins, and in particular, Cassie. Whimsical, sweet and certainly troubled, Cassie’s style seemed to reflect all of that with her mix – match wardrobe of sparkly party dresses, kitsch patterns, girly T-bar flats, sloppy basics, and fun additions ©weheartit.com like red lipstick and space age sunglasses. Surely the outfit that everyone remembers though is the sailor top. Despite all her problems, everyone wanted to be pretty Cassie just a little bit then.

€46 warehouse

Five Fashion Fancies to make you Smile If you so happen to desire Angelina Jolie’s bath robe worn in Salt and have $650 dollars, or perhaps,

Scarlett Johansson’s Tudor ball gown

from The Other Boleyn Girl (and this one is a neat $2,500), then check out www.reelclothes.com for authentic film costumes. The lampshade skirts at Mary Katrantzou.

The Oscars are on Feb 27th. And you know what that means, a flurry of fabulous dresses.

Legendary fashion designer, Cristobal

London Fashion Week begins February 18th. London is the platform for fun and youthful fashion. Christopher Kane, Louise Gray, Charles Anastase, Unique – must of my personal faves show here.

Balenciaga’s first muse was his cat. At

age six he cut his first coat for his feline friend (read: cats are awesome).

3 Fashion Stereotypes

disclaimer: if you’re not one, you’ll know someone who is.

The Hipster

The Whimster

The Glamster

Style: um..like..Whimsical

Style: Glamorous, dahling.

Generally wealthy but prefers illfitting, retro stuff from thrift shops to be subversive (ie. baggy old shit). Hangs out with musicians, smokes, and generally doesn’t brush hair. Likes ripped tights, buttoned up shirts and crazy patterns.

Talks incessantly about ‘English’ tea and macaroons. Likes Paris, balloons, pastels, Chanel, old suitcases, pink, Sofia Coppola films, and occasionally may carry a frilled umbrella.

Forever in heels, always perfectly coordinated and groomed. Likes big handbags, big shades, big hair, lipstick, party dresses, swears by the LBD, dreams of diamonds and shopping excursions to NY.

Style: Hip, duh.

Icon: Alix of The Cherry Blossom Icon: Alice Dellal, Coco Sumner, Pixie Geldof.

Girl (thecherryblossomgirl.com), and Alice, of well Alice in Wonderland.

Icon: Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffany’s, Victoria Beckham, Olivia Palermo.

cheer up campus in fun frocks and dreamy tulle, and ditch the ordinary for the extraordinary in fantastic vintage ensembles. one rule...don’t be afraid to stand out... models: orla myers,amy stack,ailbhe egan calvin brannigan, john vereker, sam marks hair and make – up : laura hastings girls styled by kathryn o’ regan boys styled & directed by andrew mcdonnell

calvin wears: jeans €15, shoes €25 - mercury goes retrogade jacket €35, jumper €15, hat €9 - positively vintage john wears: tee €10 - positively vintage pants €23.50, boots €45 - mercury goes retrogade

sam wears: pants: €10, tee €15, top €15 - positively vintage boots €45, denim jacket €35 - mercury goes retrogade ailbhe wears: jacket €72 - amity, dress €129 - amity hairband, socks, shoes, stylist’s own

ÂŠ Michael Holland

john wears: knit â&#x201A;Ź23.50 - mercury goes retrogade

amity is a ladies boutique that sells affordable independent designer women’s fashion. amity is located on french church street in cork’s fashionable and quirky huguenot district. amity stocks over 30 independent designers from all over the world, majority of which are exclusive to amity in cork. within a year amity has built up over 3,000 friends on their very active facebook page ‘amity cork’. check out their very popular ‘dress of the day’. watch this space amity is soon to be online, www.myamity.ie is planned to launch mid march

orla wears: sequin top, €30 - mercury goes retrograde, drawbridge street, tulle dress €32 - amity shoes €64 - amity handbag €25 - mercury goes retrograde crinoline, socks – stylist’s own, tights – model’s own amy wears: dress €62 - amity, denim jacket €28 - mercury goes retrograde, sunglasses €14 - mercury goes retrograde, hairband, stylist’s own, converse, model’s own

Fashion

Andrew McDonnell

fashion@motley.ie

The Body Issue

he days of woman being the only gender affected by the mass media portrayal of the ideal body type are well and truly over. Turn on the television, read any magazine, surf the Internet and we are bombarded as a society with the ‘ideal’ male image- six-pack and muscle-toting ‘hunks’.

but the mainstream acceptance of the half naked man in media. This can only add to the pressure and while it may be a good thing (I am certainly not adverse to anyone taking an interest in their health and exercising regularly), it can obviously also result in an obsession with food, exercise and lead to a multitude of mental issues especially to those vulnerable, by comparing ourselves to the model ideal. Yet I could go into the dramatic rise in male cosmetic surgery (more each image flashed across the magazines and television have all been than 60% rise in Ireland in the last ten years) and the ever-growing photo-shopped to death. Nowadays some abs, leaner body, smaller gym membership figures, but I won’t. This article is about the men’s waist, and bigger pecs, can all be enhanced and added. Therefore fashion industry’s treatment of the male form. comparison with these ‘images’ is unjustifiable. In men’s fashion the male shape is one of extremes. Various fashion houses favour one body type and rarely deviate from that trend. For instance, Dolce & Gabbana, Giorgio Armani, and Ralph Lauren all use muscled, toned and hunky men both in their runway collections and commercial advertisements. In stark contrast, Gucci, Christian Dior, Burberry all use ’waif ’ like skinny men. © malemodelscene.net

I am sure we are all aware of the pressure to ‘bulk up’ but what about sliming down? In 2008 the incidence of eating disorders among males © flzine.com had risen by 67% in the UK since 2003. Nowadays that figure has risen significantly. Naturally, given the average male height in Ireland is 5ft Are we really expected to be either little waifs or muscled beefcakes? 10in and chest and waist size differs significantly than the runway Steps have been taken to combat these unhealthy messages from the and commercial ideal it is not surprising eating disorders are rising. runway; in 2008 male models deemed ‘too skinny’ will be banned from the catwalk in the UK. Additionally excessively muscular male While men’s’ fashion cannot be exclusively blamed it is definitely a models are anticipated to be a thing of modeling past within the next contributing factor. The use of Davo McConville as a fit model for the 5 years, at least in Australia, with legislation being introduced to this fashion house ‘Burberry’ is just one of many ‘too skinny’ examples. effect. With his height of 6ft1in and a 35inch chest and 29 inch waist it’s safe It is steps such as these, which can truly help men’s fashion, the to say he wasn’t classed as obese by any stretch of the imagination. By mass media and those who are affected by it to strive for improve‘fit’ model I mean his body was used to create a mannequin for Burberry ment in a healthy non-destructive way. For me fashion is not about stores; in effect his measurements were the ideal specifications in how skinny or how buff you are but about how you portray yourself in order to showcase Burberrys finest produce. How many men actually the world. At the end of the day clothing is the most important part of have a 29inch waist? The word unrealistic comes to mind. the men’s fashion world and not the model wearing it. Yes some items David Gandy, one of those ‘buff ’ male models of the Dolce & Gabanna may not fit but a healthier diet coupled with increased gym time is the staple commented on this obsession and expressed growing concern best and safest remedy. Let’s change those statistics and make eating with the so called ‘norm’- not just of the extremity of the male form disorders and muscle enhancing drugs a thing of the past.

Vintage Menswear Origins

an item of clothing which originated prior to 1990. An item more than 100 years old is classed as an antique.

emember when you were younger and your mother used to get clothes from neighbours/relatives/anyone who had a child maybe a year or two older and had clothes to spare? Remember the embarrassment of wearing ‘hand me downs’ which set in? Cue 10 years later and I find myself asking my dad does he have any old clothes hidden away- a swift ‘no’ ironically is not the answer I wanted to hear, how cool would I look wearing clothes from decades past, I would be the most individual looking person strolling through campus! Essentially this is what vintage is all aboutindividualism. Vintage, at least for me is

Designer collections Christian Dior, Dries Van Noten, Junk De Lux, Prada, Gucci, Bottega Veneta, Givenchy, Louis Vuitton and Dolce & Gabbana have all incorporated vintage elements into the styling & musings of their collections. High street shops followed suit and vintage inspired clothing has swiftly become a fashion staple. Vintage does not necessarily mean you need to wear an old top and voila you are vintage. For me, vintage is the ability to use the inspiration of decades past and create an entirely unique look. Designers look to vintage pieces toward creating a ‘classic’ look i.e. one, which has been tried and tested. However, to get a truly vintage look the clothing needs to actually be vintage and not vintage inspired. This is important because a ‘true’ vintage look is one which no one else has, or at the very least a select few.

Vintage Buying Guide: Preparation Fit Be prepared to spend up to an hour in the shop sifting through the vast amount of riff raff, which is definitely giving you a headache. A beautiful find is waiting- you can just feel it.

Simply put if the item you ‘love’ doesn’t fit then it clearly doesn’t love you back. Do not buy it because embarrassment is the only outcome.

Condition Obviously vintage items are not expected to be in the best condition ever, this is part of their appeal. However make sure the item is not severely damaged. If it is damaged or stained make sure you ask for the return policy in the shop you’re buying from, alternatively a further discount may be feasible on nonrepairable items

Where Can I buy Vintage? Family/Friends Shops It’s free! Ask ALL family members if they have any old clothes conveniently hidden away awaiting rescue. It may hold some sentimental family value, thus it means that bit more to you than a store purchase. Similarly any friends of similar build as you need to cough up any and all their vintage goods!

Vintage pieces can be purchased from the various vintage shops in Cork city such as Positively Vintage (Castle Street) and Mercury Goes Retrogade (Back of the Savoy)- both used in this issues photo-shoot. Also check the newly opened Turquoise Flamingo (Washington Street). Charity shops provide great alternatives mostly located on North Main Street.

Online Websites such as ebay. com, beyondretro.com and vintagemens.com are great sites to pick up unique vintage looks. Asosmarketplace.com opens up the wardrobe of © ASOSmarketplace.com people willing to sell their wares and is a great way to see how the clothes look on an actual person instead of a gorgeous model.