A Different Kind of
Love
Language
Jo Watts (Tokyo)
If you have been learning a second language or have a strong interest in living in a different country (such as Japan!), then you may have experience dating someone who may not speak the same native language as you. Cultural differences aside, some of you may encounter a language barrier. This is especially so in Japan, where the majority of the Japanese population are either monolingual or are very limited in knowledge of other languages. The language dynamics of a relationship vary from couple to couple, but no matter how fluent one may be in, say, Japanese or English, communicating more intricate thoughts seems to be a common issue. I met my Japanese partner in Australia. I was still in the middle of my Master’s degree, and he was completing a diploma at a specialisation school. At the start of our relationship, his English wasn’t as good as it is now but since I could already speak Japanese fairly fluently, we usually communicated in Japanese. This was a hindrance for him especially when it came to talking with my family, who don’t speak any Japanese. Well . . . apart from a few phrases like “konnichiwa” (“hello”), “arigatou” (“thank you”) and “wakarimasen” (“I don’t understand”). Throughout our relationship, there have been many minor miscommunications because of subtle cultural nuances that ended up turning into arguments or hurt feelings. I remember six weeks into our relationship, we parted ways for the day on a bit of a rough note. Then I received a text from him saying, “We need to talk”. To us native speakers, this usually means a breakup conversation is to follow—so that’s exactly what I thought! However, it was simply to talk about resolving what happened during the previous day.
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Phew! Needless to say, I explained to him why he should avoid using that phrase! We’ve had other bumps along the way, especially when communicating over text. There are many phrases or words that we use frequently in both languages that may have a different nuance in the other’s language that would lead to a misunderstanding. For example, in English, we sometimes write “oiiiiii” in jest, but in Japanese many ‘i’s comes across as aggressive. Instead, they write “oooooi” (おーい). Such a small difference has a completely different meaning! My partner’s English dramatically improved throughout his diploma as his course was conducted entirely in English. As such, we began communicating in English more frequently and both languages became used as much as the other. We both came to understand each other’s language culture a lot more than before. One key point that has helped us avoid needless arguments is maintaining open and clear communication. We’ve agreed to address all things—no matter how small—that may not sit right within us. When it’s over text, we would ask to clarify what the other meant. When it’s in person or over the phone, we try to translate said phrase into the alternative language, or use body language to assist us in explaining. We’ve been living in Japan for several months now, and the amount of Japanese used at home has once again increased. We still try to keep up with both languages by being conscious about it and changing languages midconversation. It can be quite fun to mix it up, especially when there are phrases we want to use that don’t translate well into the other! For example, “Otsukare (Good work today)! How was your day?” or “Shouganai (It can’t be helped), if you can’t do . . .”. Sometimes I even like to throw in Japanese onomatopoeias like “boroboro”, “gorogoro” or “kosokoso” (“worn-out”, “lazing about”, “sneaking about”). Doing this, however, has a downside . . . especially when I am speaking to non-Japanese speakers. When I get in touch with my family and friends, we’ll be chatting and then suddenly I’m met with a blank face or a “huh?”. It would turn out I had thrown in some random Japanese words in or completely mixed up the grammatical pattern of my sentences! I have become so used to mixing Japanese and English together that I have to rethink my entire sentence so that the other person can understand my train of thought. Aside from cross-lingual communication, there are times when we don’t understand pop-cultural references in conversation. This may come from shows and movies we’ve grown up with in our own home countries, different senses of humour between the West and Japan, and occurrences that only one of us would be familiar with.
