THE YOU CAN BE

DEVELOPING BETTER SELF-ESTEEM: Embracing your strengths and your weaknesses

WRITER: PHOENIX GRIFFIN

What’s the primary difference between people who are confident and people who aren’t? People who tend to evaluate their worth based on what they do, rather than on who they are most likely struggle with a degree of low selfesteem. The problem with assessing your value based on personal performance is that in the majority of cases, your greatest accomplishments might only be temporary in nature.

Keeping Up With The Joneses

People who don’t feel good about themselves tend to overemphasize achievements and underplay weaknesses. In our society, the most attractive celebrities and the strongest professional athletes cover the front pages of almost every publication, serving as a constant reminder that how people look, how many friends they have, and their job title is what matters most.

The opposite extreme of over-emphasizing performance-driven actions is underplaying personal weaknesses, which creates a dangerous cycle. People who can’t admit flaws won’t change. Instead of living life to the fullest, they waste time and effort masking their undesirable qualities, which creates a façade that eventually entraps them. On the other hand, people who embrace their weaknesses and view them as opportunities in disguise tend to be selfconfident and deeply satisfied.

THE DANGERS ASSOCIATED WITH LOW SELF-ESTEEM

The “keeping up with the Joneses” mentality is one of the most psychologically dangerous practices within our culture. It involves a system constantly comparing yourself to others, of never being content, and having an insatiable need to work harder to keep up appearances. It’s no surprise that according to a report compiled by Gift Economy International on (Aug. 12, 2014), “Suicide rates are much higher among the wealthiest nations.”

The direct correlation between people placing their worth in material possessions or accomplishments and the extreme amounts of unhappiness that result from this mindset has never been more evident. If you struggle with low selfesteem, you’re not alone. Although you may feel you aren’t in control, you can change—and it might not be as difficult as you think.

NO. 1 Take an Honest Assessment of Yourself

Improving your self-image doesn’t involve lying to yourself. For example, if you aren’t a size zero, there’s no use in telling yourself you are. However, if you’re beating yourself up because you aren’t as skinny like your friend, you’re your own worst enemy and preventing a positive change. In other words, if you've already rejected yourself, chances are you won't take the initiative to work out and eat healthier to lose a few pounds.

The key to acceptance is honest evaluation of both strengths and weaknesses. Identify what you love about yourself and create a sense of gratitude for who you are. If you have trouble making a list, ask friends or coworkers for feedback. You may be surprised at who you are once you focus on your strengths. Next, identify weaknesses. Be honest about the changes you’d like to make. Take small steps. Write down a realistic plan for change that won’t create more pressure.

NO. 2 Self-Confidence Stems from SelfAwareness

There are things you can change about yourself and things you can’t. The quicker you learn to love yourself for who you are, the more self-confident you'll become. See yourself as your own best friend, and pay attention to thoughts and feelings. Instead of seeing your mind and emotions as separate entities, embrace them as the truest reflection of who you are.

When you look in the mirror in the morning, meditate on how you feel about yourself. Are there areas that you’re refusing to accept about your physical appearance? Are you disappointed with hair color or ashamed of your smile? Can you identify where your self-loathing begins?

Becoming more selfaware involves not only taking an honest inventory of your own life but also discerning how you feel about others. Is there someone you tend to judge? Is there a specific group that makes you feel uncomfortable, either because of beliefs, ethnic backgrounds, or physical appearances? In many cases, external judgment stems from internal selfcriticism. You can learn a lot about how you feel about yourself by determining how you feel about others.

NO. 3 Take Your Mind off of

NO. 5 Set Goals and Take

Risks learn

While you’re beginning to learn how to become more self-refl it’s equally important to practice focusing away from yourself at times. Treat your problems as if they’re a job, and take the day off to focus on others.

According to the article “10 Facts that Prove Helping Others is a Key to Achieving Happiness,” the Huffington Post (March 20, 2015) explains there are physical changes to the mesolimbic systems whenever you donate to charity or engage in volunteer work. In fact, some psychologists refer to the phenomenon as a “helper’s high.” Putting others’ needs above your own gives you a feeling of connectedness, which positively influences self-esteem and enriches your sense of purpose and belonging.

NO. 4 Go Against the Grain of Your Own Negative Thinking

Consider your worst thoughts about yourself, and purposefully think the exact opposite. For example, if you can’t stand being an introvert, take an extroverted approach to accept your personality. Looking in the mirror, compliment yourself on what an incredible personality you have. Think about someone who’s given you a positive comment about your introverted nature, and meditate on those words. Have you made someone relax because you’re typically quiet and calm during stressful situations? Has someone told you they appreciate how you help them stand out even in a room full of people? Instead of seeing the things you don't have the power to change as negative traits, embrace them as your greatest strengths.

If you struggle with poor se difficult ns risks. Fear of esteem, it might be diffi make plans and follow through or take unnecessary risks. Fear of failure is something many people deal with, but the only way to overcome it is to intentionally move past the fear and make positive changes.

Focus on something that causes you anxiety—such as meeting a friend for dinner, going to the grocery store, or talking with a family member. Instead of becoming passive about your insecurity, become aggressive about it. While it might be difficult at first, this step involves analyzing things you do that contribute to your greater self-esteem, rather than boosting your self-confidence.

The truth is that more people share these feelings that you, regardless of whether you view them as confident or not. By being proactive, you develop a healthier self-image and see the world in a new way.