CORPORATE ANNUAL REPORT
Aperture Sciences - Science innovators
2013
2013 was a truly unique and exciting year for Aperture Sciences. We proved able to overcome the hardships of a bad economy and improve our growth both in assets and sales. What remains is a perfect basis for an even more successful 2014!
15.7 % total yearly asset growth
3 526 12.2 %
employees in the United States of America
growth in sales compared to 2012
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About Aperture Sciences Learn more about our great company, the projects we work on and how we help to improve the lives of millions every day.
Aperture Science started off in 1947 when founder Cave Johnson decided to start his own business. Johnson’s idea was to develop high quality shower curtains, in an effort to market the curtains as hygienic as possible he developed the name Aperture Fixtures.
administration signed a contract with Aperture Fixtures to provide all branches of the US Military with shower curtains. This marked the beginning of an era of wealth and growth.
aire. By 1973, work begins on one of the most important projects of Aperture - the Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device.
Only 10 years after this, Aperture Fixtures was able to seal its most important deal. With exception of the Navy, the Eisenhower
The contract allowed Aperture Fixtures to grow and develop new branches of business making founder Cave Johnson a billion-
In 1976 Cave Johnson introduces his selfdeveloped three-tiered research and development program in an effort to “guarantee the continued success of Aperture Science far into the fast-approaching distant past.” By today, Aperture Science has become one of the biggest applied research companies in the world, improving the lives of millions every day.
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Dear fellow shareholders When I founded this company as a shower curtain manufacturer in 1947 no one would have guessed how Aperture would become the world’s leading applied sciences company. Ever since the early beginnings, our most valuable asset has been our human resources. The people working and dying for Aperture Sciences are truly what makes this company such a magical place to work.
We made it a long way, from producing high quality shower curtains to become one of the biggest applied sciences companies in the world.
Cave Johnson CEO and founder
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“We do what we must because we can.”
Cave Johnson CEO and Founder
Cave Johnson was born somewhere around 1900. No one really knows when but who cares anyway. He founded Aperture Sciences in 1943 as a curtain shower manufacturer. Cave Johnson is said to be an eccentric but highly motivated man who has a poor understanding of Science but knows people. With his enthusiasm he helped to lead Aperture Sciences to become one of the biggest, ruthless applied sciences companies on earth.
Caroline Pinkerton CEO Assistant
Caroline Pinkerton was chosen by Cave Johnson as CEO Assistant. No one had a say in this decision and Ms. Pinkerton just appeared at Aperture Sciences on one day. Since then she has become one of the most feared managers by employees. Cave Johnson has praised her several times saying that she show incredible dedication, reliability and overall competence. Although Caroline never wanted it, Cave Johnson ordered Aperture Science Staff to upload her consciousness into the GLaDOS system to make her immortal.
GLaDOS AI System
The Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System GLaDOS is Aperture Sciences artificial intelligence overseeing the companies Enrichment Center in Upper Michigan. The AI System likes cakes and science and is specifically obsessed with endless testing cycles of Aperture Science products. It helps to ever improve the results of Aperture Sciences work. The GLaDOS project was started in the 1960’s but it took several decades to eventually finish this innovative AI system. Early versions of GLaDOS showed ruthless, cruel and homicidal tendencies but it is believed that these problems where just minor setbacks and have been resolved completely. However, no one can really say. GLaDOS is a highly complex self-aware AI. It could literally just take over the whole Enrichment Center and kill all employees within.
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Key figures In the last year we where able to improve significantly. Many of our products showed great success and the customers were able to pay inflated prices for them. This actually gave us so much money that we do not know yet how to spend it. Maybe we will just burn it for fun. Although we did not expect it, most of our products turned out to be great success stories. Consumers loved them and were willing to pay inflated prices for them. The last year thus has been one of our best so far and it clearly shows in our figures. Our army of accountants spend months to calculate every absurd thing we demanded of them. Clearly, GLaDOS helped us to motivate them right. Frankly, the management does not even know what to do with all those numbers but unfortunately government regulations require us to provide you with them. Aperture Science is on a financial all-time high. Never before have we had so much money and that is all thanks to you. Clearly the consumers and market trusts in us and we are willing to disappoint you every step of the way on this journey. In the last year we launched a series of new products under which most notably are the new improved version of the Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device and our Aperture Science Gels. These products helped to secure a stable future for Aperture and set the groundstone for a very successful fiscal year. On the
previous page we provide you with all the information we have to according to government rules and laws.
Aperture Sciences is on a financial all time high. Never before have we had so much money
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NET INCOME
In the last year we were able to improve our net income by a staggering 26%. We actually do not know how good this is but our Accountants seemed very thrilled about this. They were seen happy and giggling
the smallest way to holiday with it. But enough of that, so our yearly sales went up and we are very happy about that. It gave us more money to put into the Holiday Fund so we decided it would be right to thank you for that. Thank you!
NET DEBT
NET INCOME +26%
We are by law obliged to have a category of this name in our Annual Report but seriously. Debt? Aperture Science does not know this word. We have more money than most governments and actually lend money to governments through one our subsidiaries.
which usually is a sign of another outbreak of mental illness, but this time GLaDOS told us it would have a different reason. We are still in investigation but until then we believe this is a good number.
Needless to say that we do not have any debts. If at all, other companies and governments have debts with us. We actually do not know how much money we lend out to governments or other companies. We
Clearly the market appreciated our hard work.
YEARLY SALES
As a result of our endless efforts to reach highest possible product standards our yearly sales went up by 12.2% compared to last year. Clearly the market appreciated our hard work - well we, that is the management, did not even work that hard. We had an awful lot of nice holidays and enjoyed all-inclusive experiences covered by the Aperture Science Holiday Fund.
YEARLY SALES +12.2% That Fund is actually only for management and we basically cover all of our expenses which you could relate in even
just have so much of it that at some point
NET DEBT 0% we stopped counting it and weighted it to determine how much we lend out. It is a lot and we expect it to grow even more in the next year. Our NET DEBT thus remains at our all-time high of 0%.
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Interview with GLaDOS The Aperture Sciences innovative Artificial Intelligence System - GLaDOS (Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System) has proven to be one of the most valuable assets of Aperture Sciences.
GLaDOS, how intelligent are you?
Some say I am the most advanced and intelligent entity on this Earth. However my calculations suggest that there are better versions of myself in parallel universes.
What is your job at the Aperture Science Enrichment Center?
I was developed to oversee the Enrichment Center and maintain the highest possible standard of work ethic in it. I ensure that testing of new Aperture Science products is never to be stopped and help to push our employees to their limits.
Early versions of your system where shut down due to homicidal tendencies, are these problems now resolved? Such problems are far from being resolved. I was implemented a morality core to prevent me from doing any harm to other entities in my reach. However the morality core is based on human morale thus giving me the possibility to develop my own morale and kill everyone in my reach.
Maybe someday I go insane, really I am a ticking time bomb. But as long as my morality core is intact and I do not override it you will be fine.
You are equipped with several defensive mechanisms, could you explain us a little in detail about them?
I was given several highly deadly defensive weapons which could help me to extinguish any live within the Aperture Science Enrichment Center. I believe that the Neurotoxin which was given to me marks the most effective way to do so. I can also operate several Rocket Sentries as well as Sentry Turrets. Well and then basically everything within the Enrichment Center as I was given extensive access to all systems. I can use the PA system or operate multitasking arms + panels, pneumatic diversity vents, security cameras and other systems. Really, I can kill everyone. Do not trust me.
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Can you tell us more about the cores which make you so human and intelligent?
I was given four cores to make me appear more human and to allow me to become self-conscious. The Morality Core prevents me from immoral actions and helps to keep me human. However this core is based on human morale so it is not as effective as the engineers think. My Curiosity Core improves my learning skills as it pushes me to my limits to understand, analyse and identify problems and solutions. It is specifically helpful for experiments. The Intelligence or Logic Core was designed and implemented to equip me with superhuman intelligence and logic so that I could connect and understand even the most complex constructs in this Universe. It actually makes me the most intelligent entity on this planet.
The GLaDOS System at the Aperture Science Enrichment Center in Michigan
The last core is the Emotion Core which gives me the ability to understand and use human emotion. Obviously this also gives me the emotion of anger which in combination with a liberal morale can be a very deadly thing.
Thank you GLaDOS for this Interview. Do you have anything left to say for our readers? Do not trust me. I am a deadly ticking time bomb and soon will exterminate all life in the Enrichment Center. Also, there will be cake...