Script

SCENE 1 - THE FAMILY ROOM Ted Parsons Walks in sits in a chair in his family room. He is shuffling through an assortment of magazines.

TED PARSONS (Walks in talking to himself) Those tomatoes look incredible. I am so happy I took up gardening. (Mumbling to himself as he sits) Architectural Digest, People, Food & Wine, Businessweek, Newsweek, National Geogrpahic, Better Homes, Cooking Light, Consumer Reports.

Well I’ll be damned. (with frustration) I’ve read all these already. Looks like the old boob tube for me. (flips on the TV) Ah I just love this digital cable.

The more channels the better I say.

(Chuckling to himself) Ohhhh wellll (said as a sigh) let’s just check out CNN. (Changes Channel) See if I can’t get informed as to the goings on of this crazy world. (watches the show for a bit) I love them but CNN seems a little insecure at the moment. (Changes channel again) Ah HBO, what do you have for me? No.. Not quite in the mood for that. (Changes channel again) What’s on the Discovery Channel. Nahhh...

(Changes Channel) History Channel. Oh who am I kidding that whole family of networks is great, but it’s time for the stand by. (Changes Channel) The Weather Channel. Weather Channel (gets choked up) you, complete me. (checks watch) Ah, looks like it about time.

(Lowers volume) Kimberly?... Kimberly?... Kimberly Ann Parsons!!!

KIMBERLY PARSONS (annoyed)What dad?

TED PARSONS Let’s go. I’m heading out to the dealership.

KIMBERLY PARSONS (Hurried) Coming!

TED PARSONS I’m glad that my professional/technical job gave me the necessary leadership skills to effectively run this family.

Director Interjection SCENE 2 - TED IS DRIVING IN HIS CAR AS KIMBERLY RIDES SHOTGUN. They make small talk as the drive to the dealership.

TED PARSONS Now just because we are going to the dealership doesn’t mean that we are going to buy anything.

KIMBERLY PARSONS (annoyed) I know dad.

TED PARSONS You know Kimberly, you need to drop that attitude like a bad habit.

KIMBERLY PARSONS Ugh, sorry Dad. (Prolonged awkward silence) TED PARSONS Your mother and I were thinking of taking another trip to the museum this weekend or maybe going up to Lewistown to go Antiquing again. Would you or Christopher be interested in joining us?

KIMBERLY PARSONS I dunno... Maybe.

TED PARSONS Well what about the zoo? I know we all love going to the zoo.

KIMBERLY PARSONS (Excited) Can we see the baby animals?

TED PARSONS Of course we can. I know how you love those. Oh look at that billboard.

(Drive past a billboard) I didn’t know that Golf Galaxy was having a sale.

I’ll have to go check that out.

KIMBERLY PARSONS I don’t understand why you like golf and tennis so much.

TED PARSONS Well Kimberly, I like to stay in shape and exercise regularly and while I usually jog or swim sometimes I like to do something more social like golf and tennis.

KIMBERLY PARSONS Whatever... Oh I love this song (turns up the radio and starts dancing/singing along) TED PARSONS That Miley Cyrus is all over the airwaves. I heard she has a new love interest too.

KIMBERLY PARSONS Dad, I’m so happy that you are a cool dad who knows about the stuff that I like.

TED PARSONS Thank you Kimberly. I’m glad to hear that. I do like to stay informed though. Whether its through listening to the radio or reading the newspaper, I like knowing what happens around me.

You should try to do the same. It will really give you an advantage in life.

Director Interjection SCENE 3 SET IN A CAR DEALERSHIP Ted And Kimberly walk into dealership and are approached by a salesperson

GERALD WALDORF How are you doing this fine Saturday my good sir?

TED PARSONS Ohhhhh, I can’t complain. How about yourself?

GERALD WALDORF Not too bad. Not too bad at all. My name is Gerald Waldorf, Gerry to a fine gentleman like yourself. Is there anything I can help you out with?

TED PARSONS No. I think I’ve got all my ducks in a row, if you know what I mean.

GERALD WALDORK I know exactly what you mean. When you walked in that door (pointing to entrance) I said to myself “Now there’s a man who’s done his research.”

TED PARSONS Guilty as charged. (as he motions to the stack of papers he is holding). Why don’t you go check out some of the cars. (Motioning to Kimberly) KIMBERLY PARSONS Alrighty papa bear.

GERALD WALDORF What all have you got there.

TED PARSONS (Glancing through the papers) Just some consumer reports, newspaper clippings.. and of course my Mapquest directions. I can’t leave the house without those.

GERALD WALDORF Haha. I know the feeling. I think those civil engineers are just having fun with us at this point. (nudging the CONSUMER on the shoulder and sharing a chuckle) So Mr...? (extending his hand)

TED PARSONS Parsons GERALD WALDORF Parsons... is that Belgian?

TED PARSONS It has Scoth-Romanian roots actually.

GERALD WALDORF Hmm. Anyway, Mr. Parsons I see you are a family man.

TED PARSONS I am. I have two trouble makers making me pull my hair out.

GERALD WALDORF (Obligatory laugh) How old does that make them?

TED PARSONS Kimberly is 17 and Joshua just turned 14.

GERALD WALDORF Oh they really are a handful then.

(Shared prolonged awkward laugh) GERALD WALDORF Are you interested in a new car or a used vehicle today?

TED PARSONS New. Definitely new. I don’t think I would ever buy a used car.

GERALD WALDORF Good man. Are you interested in this model? It’s really a treat to drive and it’ll get you attention in all the right ways.

TED PARSONS Haha. As much as I’d love to drive something like that I think the Misses would kick me to the curb if I came home with that. No. I’ve looked around

online on Google, MSNBC, CNN and the like and I think I know what I want.

GERALD WALDORF You are looking for something with a little extra room?

TED PARSONS I would say that’s true. I need something that can fit the fam. We take a lot of vacations and need the room so the runts don’t kill each other. But you know that’s not all I am considering. I would say that comfort is what is most important for me. A car just isn’t worth driving if I can’t settle myself in a good seat with a smooth ride.

CAR SALESMAN Is there anything else that matters to you?

TED PARSONS Well clearly safety is a major factor to me, what with the younger ones and all. But I also need something with a little juice under the hood and plenty of options.

CAR SALESMAN Well since you are visiting us here at Ford I see that you agree with me when I say that foreign cars don’t have more prestige. You still like the way those American horses purr.

TED PARSONS I do have to say that America makes better cars than it did ten years ago. (phone rings and he pulls it out to check it and then puts it away) GERALD WALDORF Do you need to take that?

TED PARSONS No, it’s fine. These Blackberries are something else though, huh?

GERALD WALDORF Technology is doing some amazing things. Can I show you the new Escape we have over here?

TED PARSONS I don’t know. I think that the emissions from an SUV really harm the environment.

GERALD WALDORF Well then do I have something for you.

(Change Background) This is the new Escape Hybrid. It has all of the features of the original but it gets much better gas mileage and has reduced carbon emissions. Plus, for a Mapquester like yourself there is a GPS feature we can add so you don’t have to constantly be wasting paper, since I know you care about the environment.

TED PARSONS That is great. This Hybrid SUV must really appeal to the other 17 million people in America that share my values.

KIMBERLY PARSONS Dad! Christopher’s Baseball game starts in 15 minutes!

TED PARSONS GO-LY!! Well Mr. Waldorf I have to say that I love this product that you have here and think that in the coming days we will definitely meet again. For right now I have to pick up the Misses from her volunteer work and then swing by the baseball diamond.

GERALD WALDORF Here’s my card, don’t hesitate to give me a call whenever and let’s see what we can do to get you behind the wheel

that hybrid. In fact how does tomorrow morning sound?

TED PARSONS I’d love to but I’ll be at St. Vincent’s at mass. I’ll be sure to spread the word about this car around the Catholic parish though DIRECTOR Annnnd Scene!