THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE
BEAR BRAWL EXCLUSIVELY ON Friday, August 6, 2010
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BEAR BRACKETS: 1st ROUND Yogi Bear
Paul Teutul, Sr.
Winnie the Pooh
The Care Bears
Boo Boo
Teddy Ruxpin
Bearenstein Bears
Baloo
Fozzy Bear
Teddy (from A.I.)
The 3 Bears
Smokey the Bear
Paddington
Masturbating Bear
Snuggles
Pedobear
Friday, August 6, 2010
1st Round
VS.
Yogi Bear
Winnie the Pooh
Right out of the gate we start with a fight between two of the odds-on favorites. Winnie clearly has the support of the fans, but he始s soft - lacking a mean streak. Yogi, on the other hand, would choke a bitch for a pic-a-nic basket.That ruthlessness will take him into the next round. Winner: YOGI BEAR Friday, August 6, 2010
1st Round
VS.
The Bearenstein Bears
Boo Boo
The numbers favor the Bearensteins, but, Boo Boo learned from the best. His craftiness and smarts will outwit that pansy-ass family any day of the week. Winner: BOO BOO Friday, August 6, 2010
1st Round
VS.
Fozzy Bear
The 3 Bears
Fozzy is one of the toughest SOBs in the bear kingdom. Anyone who can put up with Ms. Piggy始s shit for as long as he has must have balls of steels. The 3 Bears couldn始t even stop some blonde tween from eating their breakfast and passing out in their beds. Winner: FOZZY Friday, August 6, 2010
1st Round
VS.
Paddington
Snuggles
Paddington始s English heritage and general politeness puts him in the same category as Winnie the Pooh: Loved but otherwise useless. Snuggles, though, is one dangerous MFr. He carries that blanket with him for a reason. As soon as that limey isn始t looking, Snuggles will smother him FTW. Winner: SNUGGLES Friday, August 6, 2010
1st Round
VS.
The Care Bears
Paul Teutul, Sr.
One is a group of loveable, huggable, heroes. The other has a penchant for leather and handlebar mustaches. The Care Bears could shoot all of the rainbows and sunshine drops that they could muster, and Paul Sr. would still just run them down with his custom “Roadkill Bear� motorcylce. Winner: PAUL TEUTUL, SR. Friday, August 6, 2010
1st Round
VS.
Teddy Ruxpin
Baloo
You would think that Teddy始s magical story-telling powers would be enough to seal up a victory. But I had a Teddy doll when I was a kid and I threw up in his mouth. My mom had to remove his lower jaw. So, if that ninny can始t even handle the vomit of a four-year-old, there始s no way he could stop a jungle monster like Baloo. Winner: BALOO Friday, August 6, 2010
1st Round
VS.
Teddy (from A.I.)
Smokey the Bear
Smokey has the noble position of reminding people across our great nation that only they can prevent forrest fires. But, Teddy single-handedly saved the otherwise Sci-Fi abortion that was Steven Spielberg始s A.I.: Artificial Intelligence. Any one character that can carry an entire film that bad can surely blow out a few brush fires. Winner: TEDDY Friday, August 6, 2010
1st Round
VS.
Pedobear
The Masturbating Bear
Talk about a hard fight! These two behemoths would have at it for hours. In the end, The Masturbating Bear始s self-pleasuring ways would get the better of him, allowing the more crafty and tenacious Pedobear to employ an Ali Rope-a-Dope-style victory. Winner: PEDOBEAR Friday, August 6, 2010
THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE
BEAR BRAWL Come back tomorrow for Round 2 Friday, August 6, 2010