ILLUSTRATION By Bethany Peel
YOUR DIFFERENCES.
CELEBRATE
TOLD ME TO EMBRACE MYSELF.
MAMMA
XOXO
THE CORE FAMILY.
MUCH LOVE,
THANK US LATER... TRUST.
googled eye placed here
BY MARY BONNER
WHAT DOES IDENTITY MEAN TO YOU?
ILLUSTRATION By Bethany Peel
‘IDENTITY‘ When you think of the word ‘identity’, do you think about someone’s looks? Someone’s ideas and beliefs? Or their story? Identity is the qualities, beliefs, personality, looks and/or expressions that make a person so why are people so caught up with trying to idolise the world and lose focus on trying to build these specifics? What is important is to embrace ourselves and in doing so, gaining happiness Our generation, and the younger generation even more so, crave authenticity. With easy access to the internet, you can’t bullshit your way through a web of lies about your life. People want the real you, the gooey middle fondue stuff. You would think that instagram out of all social media platforms would be the place to start, but if anything, it’s a place where people go to extreme lengths to impress others. A place to perform and entertain. If that makes people happy, then so be it but if the reason is to please someone else’s perception of ourselves.. Then, why?
I look at my parents and see 60 years of history inched to their faces, I see their story behind their eyes. I see the stained wrinkles where they have had constant laughs. They wouldn’t have reached these marks if they hadn’t tested and tried the way of living. What you see on the surface is someone’s beauty but inside its layers and layers of alluring beauty made up of good and bad times that form their identity. My best friend has completely different beliefs to me but instead of me changing to fit in with her, I adjusted enough to be able to understand a new way of living and communicating. These are all baby steps to being a better YOU. This photo series was created to build up a three dimensional portrait by showing models personalities, while showing their once insecurities. This was an opportunity to find out how people my age self identify.
MODEL Daniel Lynd
1) Where are you from? Pollsworth, West Midlands 2) Do you feel like your upbringing/ background made you the person you are today? Yes 3) What would you say the most beautiful feature is on a person? I’d say it would either be the eyes or their smile.
MODEL Talique Rowe
1) Where are you from? The North West of England 2) Do you feel like your upbringing/background made you the person you are today? Definitely, like everyone I’ve had my ups and downs. How you deal with those situations mould you as a person. 3) What does the word ‘Identity’ mean to you? Who you are & the way you’re viewed: Characteristics. Beliefs. Style. Interests. Culture. Personality. Qualities. Flaws 4) What would you say the most beautiful feature is on a person? A person’s smile is always the first to catch my eye 5) Tell us one thing about you that nobody else knows.. I have never broken a bone.
MODEL Harriet Waite
1) Whereare are you from? born in Essex butinraised 2)feel Do like youyour feelupbringing/ like your 1) Where you from? I wasI was born in Essex but raised Spain in 2) Spain Do you upbringing/background you areof today? proud the that person I am background made you the made personyou youthe are person today? Im proud the personIm I am today.ofI feel travelling today. I feel that travelling made me appreciate everything I didn’t when I was younger. 3) What does made me appreciate everything I didn’t when I was younger. 3) What does the word ‘Identity’ mean to the word to you? Identity to meit’sistheir the personality, uniquenesslooks, of a culture person,orwhether it’sWhat their you? Identity‘Identity’ to me is themean uniqueness of a person, whether stories. 4) would you looks, say the most is on ayou person? The most most beautiful feature of a person is personality, culture or beautiful stories. 4)feature What would say the beautiful feature is on their eyes, no The matter howbeautiful young orfeature how oldofyou get, theiseyes 5) Tell oneorthing about a person? most a person theirnever eyes,change. no matter how us young how old you you get, that nobody else knows.. Most people don’t know that I was brought up in Spain for 12 years and struggled the eyes never change. 5) Tell us one thing about you that nobody else knows.. Most people with my English don’t know thataI lot. was brought up in Spain for 12 years and struggled with my English a lot.
1) Where are you from? I’m from a small town called Clitheroe. 2) Do you feel like your upbringing/ background made you the person you are today? 100% I wouldn’t be the person I am today. It shaped me. 3) What does the word ‘Identity’ mean to you? Identity to me is everything about a person, from their outside to their insides. 4) What would you say the most beautiful feature is on a person? I would say their smiles, it can tell you a lot about someone. 5) Tell us one thing about you that nobody else knows.. I have been turning grey since I was 15 years old.
We all have insecurities, People make us think that our imperfections are impurities. I have that one big scar, I can look at it and think of it as a memoir. All that pain and all that time, It really did get me when I was at my prime. The birthmark on your face makes you who YOU are, If anyone tells you different, THEY are the ones that are bizarre. Those stretch marks that imprint your skin, They are just a little taster of what lies within. These small preaches are all just the beginning, I am just making sure that you are all left grinning. Find peace with your ‘flaws, Make people stop and stare to give you an applause.
ILLUSTRATION By Bethany Peel
k y a i l oo w e h T
is not my identity...
BUT
you can call me
Peachy
MODEL Ebba Albinsdotter
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t s r i na f
e achy
a u t l ly c a
M ID DL E n am
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ANNOM
everybody has a story “I am a stripper” the the alarm bells start ringing, eyes widen and jaws drop. *ALERT* SHE IS A WHAT!?!!? *ALERT* These are the common reactions that the two UK born, Londonbased and Leeds-based ladies receive a lot. I have asked my two dear friends what it is like leading a double life and if they have double identities. It’s a refreshingly alternative perspective compared to the hypercurated profiles we imagine their lives and personalities to be. I will be using their stage names to keep them both anonymous.
1. Hey Mysterious Strippers, when you’re not working, how do you like to spend your time? Roni: I always try and keep a routine no matter what so when I’m not working I’m at the gym, catching up with friends, family and mostly sleeping. Rosie: Walking my dog, doing yoga or going for coffee’s/lunches with friends. I like having peaceful, relaxing days. 2. What made you both become strippers? Roni: It was because of my friends.. We all worked together in a daytime job. We were out shopping one day and they were literally buying everything in the shop, and I knew we were on the same Wage so I asked how are you affording this? Then they laughed and told me what they started doing and said I should try it. The next week I did my first shift at the club and never looked back. Also I was in a lot of debt when I was younger so it seemed the best way to pay off my debt at the time. Rosie: I met a girl named Beth, for a nineteen year old she was ridiculously strong and knew exactly who she was and what she wanted. She would work three nights a week and earn more cash than I would in one month. I’d just graduated university, was tirelessly working three jobs and although I was blessed with an art studio I had absolutely no artistic inspiration. I’d always had an impelling curiosity towards the sex industry and couldn’t help but show an interest in Beth’s working world, when she suggested that I give it a try, that frequent lack of inspiration come to a sudden halt and I decided that it could make really interesting art (and the money would obviously be a great plus).
“i wear crocs Around the kitchen AND 6’INCH PLEASERS AT WORK”
3. How would your friends describe you ‘Rosie’?
6. Can you remember your first show ‘Roni’?
I was once told I resemble a rescue puppy, one that’s very timid and quiet until it trusts you, then it’s really playful and annoying, which I think sums me up pretty well. I think most of my friends would describe me as weird, sensitive, silly and definitely clumsy. From the way I act at home, I think sexy would be the last word that would come to mind. Definitely not words you’d associate with strippers. I wear crocs around the kitchen and 6’inch pleasers at work.
Yeah, it was a Thursday night. It was a really quiet night and I didn’t have a dance all night till right at the end and my legs could not stop shaking like bambi during the dance. A dance is meant to last a couple of songs so about 4-5 minutes. I think I did it for a whole 60 seconds, if that. I think he knew I was new but he was really nice about it.
4. Do you tend to tell people that you’re strippers or keep it a secret?
Rosie: Most rewarding is probably confidence. I’ve seen women of every shape and size celebrate their skin and be proud of who they are, it’s so inspiring. The money is great, but it’s also the freedom to live on my own terms. I choose when I work, who I speak to, and feel in control of my life. The least is definitely seeing a different side to men. By late hours in a strip club there animistic behaviour comes out and they can be really rude. It’s definitely made me trust men a lot less.
Roni: I used to keep it a secret for a few years because my family didn’t know what I did then. As time went on I hated lying so I started telling close friends or if I had a boyfriend it would always be one of the first things I would tell them. Then as soon as my family knew, I didn’t keep it a secret anymore. I still keep it to myself if I can with any new people I meet because of the stereotype behind it and because I always worked a daytime job in the past if anyone asks what I do, I used to just say my old job as if I was still doing it now. But I do try to keep it to myself now my family and people closest to me know and that’s the most important thing. so yes and no really. Rosie: It depends on the people and situation. At first I told pretty much no one, but I think after a few years it gets tiring keeping it a secret. So, now I am more open to telling people. People are always shocked when I tell them. 5. Would you say you have separate identities when it comes to stripping? Rosie: I disconnect so much with who I am at work it sometimes scares me. I can come home from the shift and feel like it never happened. It’s like being two different people entirely. In my everyday life I would do anything for anyone and quite often I’ve been told, I’m a bit of a doormat. Becoming Rosie, was becoming everything I’d always wanted to be. Rosie was powerful - she could control any man she spoke to, told everyone who was rude to fuck off without blinking an eye-lid. I was in control - control of my body, control of when I worked, who I spoke to and in control of everything. Although aspects of my stripping persona have certainly influenced my personality, I’m much happier and content with who I am because of it. Roni: Yes! I separate the real me and my alter ego. I struggle when I’m outside of work to separate the both because I feel like people won’t like the real me because the stripper me is more likeable, sexy and more confident. When I’m out and meet people for the first time I’m constantly stuttering and using my stripper name out of habit and then I start acting how I would act in the club and not myself. Or when I’m being myself and feel like someone doesn’t like it or finds me boring I will switch and see a massive change in my confidence. I don’t like to do that but sometimes I can’t help it. I would say I definitely have a separate identity.
7. What would you say is the most and least rewarding part of your jobs? What drives you both?
Roni: The most rewarding part of this job is the opportunity it gives you, e.g. being able to study and work. The freedom to do what you want when you want. You pick when you want to work. You can travel with this job and obviously the money part is the main part for me. For me it got me out of debt and helped me save for a mortgage and also help my friends and family. The least rewarding part of this job you get picked to pieces about your looks and weight it can knock your confidence, this job can make you very judgmental towards men and for me question my relationships constantly. Makes me have a lot of trust issues now in any relationship I have. What drives me is knowing for me personally I can’t do this job forever so I try to make the most of it and work as hard as I can. 8. When do you both feel the most beautiful? Roni: When I have been being healthy mentally and physically and have clear skin. Being the best version of myself and helping people. Rosie: After a day in the sun! I love feeling sun kissed and beachy. I actually think I put less effort in getting ready for work, the clubs are so dark so I usually just put dark lipstick and sometimes eyelashes on. 9. Do you have anything else you’d like to say? Roni: Please just don’t judge the job or the people that do the job. We are not all the typical party girls that seem to be the stereotype. I’ve worked with girls who are studying to be nurses and doctors and high powered jobs. I’ve worked with mums wanting to pay for their children’s future and just younger girls wanting to help their family because they have to. Don’t think it’s ok to ask how much we make or ask personal questions because you’re curious that you wouldn’t ask anyone else in a different job. Rosie: Never judge a girl until you’ve walked in her 6 inch heels.
“I’ve seen women of every shape and size celebrate their skin and be proud of who they are, it’s so inspiring.”
WE ARE COUSINS.. CAN’T You TELL?
MODELS Kelsey Gill and Olivia Gill
D.N.A
Everyone has had a small burning inside of them to receive a like on social media. You have the constant chase. You buzz when you receive a like, the rush when you get a comment. It’s invigorating. The amount of pressure to be ‘perfect’ and to adhere to unrealistic standards has a detrimental effect on our mental health, however it’s challenging to stop and hard to break the addiction.
INSTAGRAM IS NOT YOU. BY LUCY PARKER
It’s Sunday… So if you’re not on Instagram posting a picture of your basic avo and eggs, or your best selfie from “LN”, then you shouldn’t really be posting at all. It seems more than ever today that we have become stuck in a rut of what is “trendy” to post, which comes down to the main influence behind the actual post- how many likes will it get. Society has turned us into social media profiles rather than human beings. I’m guilty to admit myself that before I meet someone, 99% of the time I’ve already viewed their Instagram, Facebook or Twitter, giving me a pre-constructed persona of which judgment is made. This is so wrong, but this is what we all do. As fashion has phases so does social media, which is obvious through the repetitive artsy street corner angles, or faceless phone covered selfies. It’s hard not to fall into these fads, because like everything else around us every single day, it influences and inspires us. We post in the persona in which we want to be viewed, to try and create an ideal of the person we want to be, because online you can be the best filtered person of yourself without the baggage. And it’s easier to create this person via an image account than any other way. Although what we post may be things we’re interested in, it’s also things that we know others are going to be interested in, drawing in their attention and creating a likeability factor amongst our friends and potential peers. If a post doesn’t generate more than 10 likes why do we start to question the post? Reconsider why we posted it? Or god forbid, delete it. We are so over consumed in others perceptions of ourselves that we don’t stay true to ourselves, and it shouldn’t be random people on Facebook that decide whether your fancy Negroni flowered with fruit was a ten out of ten or not. In today’s society being different is apparently being cool, so instead of trying to stick to the trends of the “instagirls” be transparent and true to you.
ILLUSTRATION By Bethany Peel
DOES OUR WORK DEFINE WHO WE ARE?
Does our work allow us to express ourselves to form a persona, an identity? CORE asked our illustrator Bethany Peel to give us the 411...
“I’m confident in saying that my happy days highly outnumber my sad days now and that’s clearly mirrored in my art.”
What drew you to illustration? I’ve always doodled but I’d say I started taking my illustrations seriously about 5 years ago. I was struggling through university and was diagnosed with depression and anxiety around that time. I was asked to write down my thoughts and feelings as a way of trying to understand what was going on in my mind but I’ve never been good with words, so I started trying to draw how I felt instead. Illustration then became a platform I could focus on and express myself with. I started filling up private sketchbooks with illustrations which helped me explain how I felt and I began to understand my depression in ways which I wouldn’t have been able to verbally. I still illustrate when I feel sad, I think it’s part of my process to feel better but I’m confident in saying that my happy days highly outnumber my sad days now and that’s clearly mirrored in my art.
What would you say your distinctive style is? I’ve drawn hundreds of my characters and I still haven’t a clue how to describe them! I found my style gradually through a lot of experimentation. I find it interesting to look through my old illustrations comparing them to the style I use now. The characters are still similar, they were just a lot more tired-looking and without any colour. I’d say my illustrations now are heavily influenced by the bright colours and shapes I use. They are complete representations of my emotional state and mental wellbeing. I’d say my distinctive style now is loose outline illustrations with bright splashes of colour! I like to play with different mediums and shapes; everything is a learning curve for me. I hardly ever plan what’s going to be on the piece of paper in front of me and I’m often surprised by the final product.
Do you think illustration can capture something photography can’t? I find photography amazing! I love how photographs capture the real-life art around us. I’ve never been able to pick up a camera and capture the things around me like photographers do so I admire it greatly. I like the idea that illustrations hold a lot of abstract emotions and they include characters from the imagination which do not always exist in real life. I think illustrations can capture more of what is in an individual’s mind over photography, but photography captures the beauty of everyday life. I think they complement each other amazingly!
ILLUSTRATION By Bethany Peel
What messages do you try to portray in your work? I don’t intentionally try to portray a lot of messages throughout my work as most of the time it’s simply a reflection of how I’m feeling at that moment. I often just want to have fun while I’m drawing so I hope my work inspires people to have a bit of fun too. My characters quite often have heavy bags under their eyes, which to me makes them feel more grounded amongst the bright colours and odd shapes. People get to take away from my work what they need to. To me, art is vital to surviving in this odd time we’re living in. It makes me feel understood, heard and most importantly happy. I hope my art can do that for anyone who gets to see it.
“We are all a bit complicated and complex. I think our identities are a mix of the experiences we’ve had, our likes and dislikes, our morals, our personalities and the people we surround ourselves with.” Would you say your work defines your identity? I think it makes sense to me that I’m an artist, I can’t imagine myself without illustration in my life however, I think it’s just one part of my identity. I am not wholeheartedly represented in the art that I do and it does not reflect every part of my life. I don’t believe that one thing defines a person’s identity. We are all a bit complicated and complex. I think our identities are a mix of the experiences we’ve had, our likes and dislikes, our morals, our personalities and the people we surround ourselves with. When I describe myself, I say I’m an illustrator so it’s an important part of my identity but it is not all I am.
THE POKA’ DOTS Drops of caramel adorn your cheeks, I could sit here and count them for weeks. They move in ways that create some sort of decoration, They explode and become stars that are forming their own constellation. They do not shimmer like a star, They just beam from a far. No two gold stains are the same, They all stand out on a wall of fame. You cringe at the sight and wish you could bottle them in a jar, But these freckles make you, who you are. By alexis gavan
we don’t tan, we freckle.
MODEL Emily Pietrzak
LOST. We have all felt lost, at least once in our lives. Whether it’s getting lost with our identities or losing your mum in the supermarket. Your heart starts pounding, your hands start sweating and haven’t we all felt that little sickening ache in our stomachs whilst the whole world around us turns dark. Wow, that’s the peak of being VERY lost. For years, I have felt like I was always trying to prove myself to others and losing my true self, my true identity. I looked at other peoples lives on social media and in person (which I still do), their lives would look like they were freshly glazed doughnuts that just popped out of the oven, warm and fluffy. I would have this overwhelming feeling that my life would be that one doughnut out of the batch that would fall on the floor… pick it up, wipe the dust off and back into the batch it goes… 5 second rule and all that jazz. Loss of identity may follow all sorts of change; changes in a profession, loss of a job or loss of a role that once defined us, as a child, as a parent, as a partner. People also state that we can lose our identities through the gradual merging or separation of a relationship, whether it is with a friend or a lover. Losing our identity can leave a gap, an abyss, an empty space, but who’s to say that space can’t be filled by a replacement of self growth. I would focus on ‘being the best’ at something that other people said ‘you have to be good at’, constantly seeking for approval, which, I only realise now, was denying me the chance to show my true self...The irony of that. It is hard not to follow a trend, even subconsciously we do it without realising it. I spent so long trying to master every trend and wasted that precise time when I could have been using that time to work on myself.
Since I was little, I was named ‘freckle face’. I was led to believe it was a defect and therefore caked as much foundation as I could, so that every single freckle was camouflaged, it was seen as a fault, something that accidently got splattered on your face as soon as you came out the womb. People now tattoo freckles on, there are even thousands of filters that create the illusion you have poka dots all over your face. Now most things are accepted by society, in fact people do whatever it takes to stand out. It makes me so sad that I was made to think I should cover them up for so long and now it gets celebrated. I should have taken it and flaunted it to the world. Things that are stereotypically popular are a bit boring for me now. I like to buy, see, watch and listen to things, because they are my own taste, not just because everyone else likes it (shout out to Mr Drake himself). I came to the conclusion that I am not any longer scared of not being understood. TBH, I am just happy doing my own thing. Every now and again, I find myself dreaming of being one of those people with their ‘picture perfect bodies’, living their ‘picture perfect lives’ as they show everyone on social media. But then I jump back to reality and see my picture, perfect life. Here is exactly what I’m trying to get at… Although I was the doughnut out of the batch that fell on the floor and placed myself back on a tray to fit in with the others. I might not look as perfect as the other doughnuts, I might not have the same glaze, but you should never judge a doughnut just by it’s topping. Taste it. You never know, they might have a gooey filling.
qualities, personality, looks, expressions and mainly...
BELIEFS.
MODEL Rebecca Lindbland
i see faces
and emotions
or am i
crazy? hmmm, DUNNO!
99.9 CRA
.9% AZY