TOPOGRAPH
SERIES 2
ISSUE NO. 1
A TRAVEL MAGAZINE
ALEXANDER SOLDATOV | PHOTOGRAPHY
I’m using white lighters to see what’s in front of me vk.com/the199x
PEOPLE
Platonic Love Or Lust? The Science Behind Men And Women Being ‘Just Friends’ Friends, Lovers Or A friendship attraction, or connection devoid lust is a bona fide bond, and science suggests it does exist. A study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found bonds between men and women are changing, with both men and women in crosssex friendships more often seeing each other as friends or confidants rather than romantic interests. Participants who reported no physical or sexual attraction to their friend were in significantly longer friendships compared to those who felt an attraction. The findings suggest types of bonds other than romantic connections can and do occur in friendships between males and females. The attraction men and women develop in cross-sex relationships may also be due to the repeated exposure effect. In psychology, this is when a person is exposed to another person repeatedly, and begins to let their guard down over time. Their inhibitions begin to disappear and they will start to like the other person, according to psychologist Dr. Carmen Harra and life coach Alexandra Harra. “This is perfectly normal and happens to all of us,” they told Medical Daily.
So, what happens when sexual attraction exists in friendship?
Defining The Friendship When we develop a sexual attraction to someone we’re involved with socially or with whom we are in frequent close proximity, we are left to decide whether or not to act on it. These levels of attraction do affect the guy-girl friendship bond dynamic, like getting attention from a really “hot” co-worker when we’re already involved with someone else, according to Tabori.
“This is when we need to set limits and maintain appropriate boundaries,” she said. A 2000 study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships showed out of more than 300 college students surveyed, 67 percent reported having had sex with a friend. However, 56 percent of these crosssex friendship pairs chose not to take the friendship to romantic level after the encounter. This suggests these pairs valued their friendship over sex. The success of these friendships is contingent on how well both people communicate and respect one another. Healthy guy-girl friendships need to have barriers that girl-girl and guy-guy friendships do not cross. This barrier is recognized by the comfort zone that neither friend in the friendship is allowed to violate.
Why Can’t We Be Friends? The Verdict So, does Billy Crystal’s Harry Burns’ belief “men and women can’t be friends” in When Harry Met Sally hold any truth? Yes and no. There will be men who will struggle to be platonic with their female friends, friends who used to be lovers, and lovers who used to be friends. Then, there are those who wouldn’t think of having sex with their friends, and those who do. Men and women can form great friendships, but like Burns said, “the sex part always gets in the way” when both partners are physically and sexually attracted to each other.
It’s better to look at it this way: sexual attraction is simply an attraction.
“It does not mean it needs to be acted upon. Weighing the consequences of acting upon a sexual attraction may not be worth the weirdness in the relationship that often follows,” said Tabori. The idea of falling in love with your long-time best friend is the basis of romance novels, rom-coms, and even fairy tales. They ignite the possibility this can happen to us, but our life is not a scripted storyline. A best friend of the opposite sex really could be just a best friend and nothing more.
The bottom line is men and women can be friends, as long as there is no lingering romantic interest. Remember, just because we talk to someone of the opposite sex about our pasts, presents and futures, it doesn’t mean we’re meant to be lovers or soulmates. Deep love comes in a variety of forms, including friendships. In opposite-sex friendships, we want someone we can have a conversation with, and to feel a connection without worrying about catching feelings or awkward moments. So, for the sake of male-female platonic friendships, if we don’t let our sex drive get the best of us, it could be a beautiful thing.
Now, that’s a Hollywood ending worth seeing.
“Every boyfriend is the one, until otherwise proven. the good are never easy, the easy never good and it never happens like you think it really should. deception and perfection are wonderful traits one will breed love, the other hate. you’ll find me in the lonely hearts under ‘im after a brand new start’…” — Marina and the Diamonds
How to Support a Friend who’s Depressed
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ncourage them to talk; ask them what’s on their mind - If you think your friend’s depressed or has something on their mind then ask if you can help, or something’s bothering them. And unless you get the feeling that they don’t want to talk, be persistent and keep asking in a gentle, caring way. This communicates the message that you genuinely care.
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ive your full attention and listen carefully – If they’re brave enough to share what is on their mind, then give them the respect of listening carefully – without interrupting or offering them advice. Pay attention, focus on them, and try to understand the way they see their problems, and how that makes them feel. The only time you should speak is to clarify a point, or to ask open questions that will help them share some more.
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nless specifically requested, don’t offer them advice - Once you’ve got the general gist of what is happening with your friend, resist the temptation to offer them advice. This is often very hard as we usually want to help … but most people resent it as they just want to be heard.
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emember it’s all about them; it’s not about you – Often people want to somehow turn the conversation round to talking about them, and their own experiences. This is so annoying; it’s the worst thing you could do.
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e sensitive, respectful and non judgmental – Don’t react or seem shocked when they tell you something bad (like saying “OMG – I can’t believe you did that!”). And be tactful if you feel you must share something tough - as you honestly believe it would help to hear the truth. You don’t have to destroy them in your efforts to get real.
Our meeting - remember her? Probably, it seems to you that it was an accident. But there are no accidents in the world. As this sun sets every night according to the laws of the universe, fate is also conditioned.
What Is Beauty? This is, ultimately, a question that carries both positives and negatives. We live in a society that is collectively run down and empowered by preconceived notions of beauty. Those who fit the descriptions. Beauty is a subjective term that cannot be applied to any sort of look or being. The media tells us that in order to have worth in your self, you must abide by the rules and find yourself physically appealing by the rules they’ve set. Conformity breeds this rigid guideline that in turn, tears down more people than it aims to please. When you deviate from the norm, it can be seen as almost a dangerous act. Where do you go to if you look differently than those everyone considered beautiful? How much does comfort play in the intertwining nature that is the race to youthful vibrancy? Artists have sought to discover new forms of beauty through differing styles. “Pretty” is in the eye of the beholder. Where one person may love the aesthetic of pointillism, another could only see the purpose of discussion to be for the Romantic era. There are over seven billion people on this Earth, each one with unique preferences and appreciations that have yet to be discovered because of the fear to break out from the roles of society. Is conforming for beauty inherently a bad thing then? Should we condemn those who follow through the lines of what we’ve all been exposed to? Not exactly. So what is beauty? Choice is beauty. Laughter and happiness and self-acceptance is beauty. Being able to look back on your life and knowing that you did things for the sake of your own peace of mind and not for any one else’s misguided judgement. Knowing that you are worth the world and every positive thing it offers. That is beauty. Even if beauty is not the goal, comfort creates inner beauty that makes life worth living to the fullest potential imaginable. I hope that each generational reincarnation can grow to be strong and tall and see everything about themselves and their choices to be beautiful. Being alive and taking control of your life is beautiful.
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entio resent Ou is only the attention esent Our only r r is p u n p n o e i O o e h t i t t h t n t t n n e y n e t e y e l t s t t s n e a r e a r p r ur so p i u e O e n h O t t h o i t t n t n en ly se nly n e s n t o e e t t o r s t a i s p a i r e ur n on i u h o t i O t t O n t y n t e l n t e ly n n e t t n e t s o s o a e s r e i s r r i u n p o ep i O on e h t i t t h t n t n n e y e l t e y l t s t n t se n e a r e a o r r p r u s p i u e O tO th he on i t t n t y n e l y n e l s n e s n e t o r t o re tte a is s p a i r n r e u n o i u h o t i t t O tO y n t l n e n n e t e t s o atten s o a e s r e i s r r i p u n p n o e i O o e h t i t only t Our atten e presen n is only th ur attent e pre O t th o i t th n t y n e l y n e l s n e s n e t o r e t o r s t p a i s p a i r n r e u n o i u h o t i O t t O n t y n t e l n t e n n e t t e t s o a s a e r re is ur pr u n is p n o e i O o e h t i t t h t n t n n e y is onl nt Our att the prese ion is only t Our atte the p t y e l n en ly s n e s n e t o r e t o r s p a i s p i r e ur n he on i u h o t i O t t O n t y n t e l n t e n e t tt sen e r p Our a ly the pres ention is o ent Our a n o e i h t t n t ly t s tte n e a on r a o r s p i r u s i u e n O o tO th he on i t t n t y n e l y n e l s n e s n e t o r e t o the p ttention is ent Our a nly the pr tention is nt Ou e t s o a s a e s r r e i r r u p u n p O O e he tio io t t h t nt n t n n e y e l t e y l t s t n t o re a on ra s p i r u s i u e n O n h O o i t t t t n tio y nt n e l y n e l s n e s n e t o r e t o r s p a i p is ly the attention esent Our only the attention sent O r r is r re u p u n p O o e i O e t h t t t h n n t e en y l tte sen t nly t n e a o r a o r s p i r u s i u e n entio present O is only th attention present O is only e ur n he on i t h o t i O t t y n t l y n e l n n t e o en tt se on at s a e s r r e i r r u p u n p O e io O e t h t n e y l s esent is only th ur attent tt n e r a o p r s i u e n O O t th on tio i t n t y n n e l n e e s n t e s n e t t o r e t o a r s p a i s p i r e n e u n h t tio io O th t y n t l y n e l n n t e n e t t o t s o s a ra re es is r r u p u n p O o e i O e t h t t t n n th a prese ion is only t Our atte the presen n is only r u O t n tio y nt n e l n e e s n t e s e t t o r e t a r s r p is ra ep ni e u n h o i t h o t i O t t y n t l n en nly en tte t t s o a a e s r r i r u n is o p Ou e pre tO he tion
How do I get out of a one-sided conversation? Try being a good listener, ask a few questions related to what the speaker is saying so that it doesn’t feel one-sided. Let the speaker feel that you are engaged. If you really want it to end, politely say that you had some work pending, that it was nice talking to him/her, that you would catch them later, wish them a good day and leave. Kindness goes a long way!
Do not forget that you are free and you are perfect.
Gamification isn’t silly, it’s science.
There are four major chemicals in the brain that influence our happiness (DOSE): Dopamine Oxytocin Serotonin Endorphins.
As Nicole explains, each plays a different role in happiness. And guess what? They are all triggered by gamified experiences. Let’s dig a little deeper. Dopamine is what we normally think of as the happiness drug. However, that’s a big misconception. Dopamine is actually involved more with anticipation than the actual “happiness” feeling. Nicole describes it as a striving emotion. Oxytocin is the neurochemical that has allowed us to become social creatures. It makes us feel empathy which helps us feel close and bonded to others when it’s released. If you’re in a good mood, you’ve got serotonin to thank. And if you’re in a bad mood, you’ve got serotonin to blame. It’s a regulator. Interestingly, Nicole explains, 80 percent of serotonin exists in the gut, and is governed by your state of hunger (yes, this is why you’re hangry). Endorphins are responsible for masking pain or discomfort, which explains their association with the “fight or flight” response. When it comes to designing happiness, endorphins help you “power through.” Nicole, for example, is an avid runner. Endorphins allow her to push farther and harder as she works towards distance goals.
LIFESTYLE
Breathe deeper, only good things will happen to us. It is enough to return to the floor of the circle back, that would look into the young man’s eyes and go further brand new! Breathe deeper, only good things will happen to us. It is enough to return to the floor of the circle back, that would look into the young man’s eyes and go further brand new! Breathe deeper, only good things will happen to us. It is enough to return to the floor of the circle back, that would look into the young man’s eyes and go further brand new! Breathe deeper, only good things will happen to us. It is enough to return to the floor of the circle back, that would look into the young man’s eyes and go further brand new! Breathe deeper, only good things will happen to us. It is enough to return to the floor of the circle back, that would look into the young man’s eyes and go further brand new! Breathe deeper, only good things will happen to us. It is enough to return to the floor of the circle back, that would look into the young man’s eyes and go further brand new! Breathe deeper, only good things will happen to us. It is enough to return to the floor of the circle back, that would look into the young man’s eyes and go further brand new! Breathe deeper, only good things will happen to us. It is enough to return to the floor of the circle back, that would look into the young man’s eyes and go further brand new! Breathe deeper, only good things will happen to us. It is enough to return to the floor of the circle back, that would look into the young man’s eyes and go further brand new! Breathe
Articles used in the journal www.theodysseyonline.com/what-can-say-beauty www.quora.com/How-do-I-get-out-of-a-one-sided-conversation technologyadvice.com/blog/information-technology/activate-chemicals-gamify-happiness-nicole-lazzaro/ www.medicaldaily.com/g00/platonic-love-men-and-women-justfriends-382135?i10c.encReferrer=&i10c.ua=1&i10c.dv=14
SERIES 2
ISSUE NO. 1
THE 199X.