adOption by Alphacrucis College

ad ption Wayne Jeremy Hodson

Contents

The option of adoption 2 Chapter 1: Sunny Scunny 3 Chapter 2: Lorry Driver 4 Chapter 3 5 Chapter 4 6 Chapter 5: 707 7 Chapter 6: The Fear of Failure 8 Chapter 7: Extra Christmas Presents 9 Chapter 8: Leaving Home 10 Chapter 9: Candid Camera 11 Chapter 10: Living a Double Life 11 Chapter 11: The Color of Racism 12 Chapter 12: Bible College 13 Chapter 13: You will Always be Beautiful in my Eyes 14 Chapter 14: Odds of 5 to 1 16 Chapter 15: Two Strange Ladies 17 Chapter 16: 4 Mill Lane 18 Chapter 17: 4 Mill Lane (part 2) 19 Chapter 18: The Day I met My Birth Mother 20 Chapter 19: The Greatest Virtue is Love 20 Chapter 20: The Good Book 21 Chapter 21: Revelation: I was created by God 22 Chapter 22: Revelation: God has a plan for my life. 23 Chapter 23: Revelation: Father God 23 Chapter 24: Fate or Fortune 25 Chapter 25 25 Chapter 26: Am I pregnant? 26 Chapter 27: Answers to Questions 29 Chapter 28: Must Watch Videos 31 Chapter 29 31 Chapter 30: Foster Care-Another Option 36

“These concerns (for orphan children in India and elsewhere in the world) are very good, but often these same people are not concerned with the millions that are killed by the deliberate decision of their own mothers. And this is what is the greatest destroyer of peace today, Abortion...For the pregnant women who don’t want their children, give them to me. “

Mother Teresa of Calcutta Adoption is the legal process which permanently transfers all legal rights and responsibilities of being a parent from a child’s birth parents to the adoptive parents. Abortion is the unjust killing of innocent human beings at their most vulnerable stage of development in the most barbaric manner imaginable. Abortion dismembers, decapitates, disembowels or burns a child to death, without even the benefit of anesthesia

The option of adoption Introduction I love true stories. I love memoirs. They warm the heart, challenge the mind and have the potential to inspire people to dream big and live life with expectations, purpose and a sense of adventure. ADoption is a collection of short reflections retelling my life as I can recall it. My story centers on my adoption, Created by design yet born by default. I write for a variety of reasons. Firstly to thank Ann, my birth Mother, who by choosing the option of adoption has given me a full and richly rewarding life. Secondly, to encourage all those whose lives have been colored by adoption in some way to believe that there is a higher purpose in life for every activity and event and thirdly it is my hope that every teenager that finds themselves unexpectently and undesirably pregnant will seriously consider the option of adoption as they weigh up the options for their childâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s future. It is also my desire to encourage those who may not know their birth parent (s) to consider a journey of discovery. I trust as you read each mini story it will be a source of encouragement to you and birth hope that will enhance your life for the better.

Chapter 1 Sunny Scunny I often tell people that Scunthorpe is one of England’s picturesque holiday destinations. I know that it’s not, in fact I don’t know anyone who would holiday in Scunthorpe, but it’s where I was conceived, born and spent the first ten days of my life outside of the womb. With a population of 72,514 (2010 estimate) ’Sunny Scunny” as it is affectionately known as, is the administrative centre of the North Lincolnshire unitary authority. Predominately an industrial town, Scunthorpe, the United Kingdom’s largest steel processing centre is also known as the ’Industrial Garden Town” Scunthorpe, surrounded by fertile farmland and wooded areas is East of the River Trent, South of the Humber Estuary, West of the Lincolnshire Wolds and North of Lincoln, with an oceanic climate. St John the Evangelist church (built in 1891) now the 20-21 Visual Arts Centre hosts a peal of eight bells which were hung in 1893 in memory of the Lord St Oswald, which for me as a bell ringer (campanologist) is of keen interest and hopefully one day I will get to ring them. Today the centre offers exhibitions, activities and events for residents of North Lincolnshire, as well as providing a programme of touring exhibitions taking the great shows of Scunthorpe to galleries and museums throughout the country. Now in its eleventh year, the centre has attracted over 450,000 visitors. The Plowright Theatre and the Bath Hall are some of the other many attractions. Scunthorpe United nicknamed “The Iron” play at Glanford Park and I can’t help wondering that if Ian Botham had played more than a few games he may of become a legend for ”The Iron” and gone on to represent England in football rather than cricket. I wonder if he is the “Scunny Bunny”? Scunthorpe is my birthplace; I was born August 30th 1965 at the Scunthorpe Maternity Home. Obviously I don’t remember much about that day however there is this internal impetuous impulse that drives me to discover my origins, to defend my birthplace in the face of those who sneer at its mention. I want to know the landscape of the time, the culture, that is the beliefs and practices of the people who called and still do call Scunthorpe home. Why do I have such a bias for Scunthorpe, why is that I am proud to say, I was born in Scunthorpe even though most people have never heard of it, especially outside of England, and even those who do know of it are somewhat indignant toward Scunthorpe. I am an Englishman, 3

it’s who I am, I can not deny that, and I have a strange sense of patriotism for England which is hard to explain to people, let alone myself. I find myself barracking for England in the cricket, (a practice that often infuriates my friends), I love things that are British such as my Triumph motorbike, I love fish and chips wrapped in newspaper with HP sauce. Hopefully I will discover why I have all these feelings and emotions within as I write this memoir of my life. One thing I do know I’m an Englishman living in Australia with a British passport and every time I land in England I receive a “warm” welcome, Hello Mr. Hodson, welcome home.

Chapter 2 Lorry Driver I was born August 30th 1965 and my birth mother Ann named me Wayne Johnson. I am not aware of or if there is any significance for the choice of name, something I will perhaps ask at a later time. It was however later in life that I enquired as to the meaning of the name Wayne only to discover it means “Lorry Driver”. I’ve never driven a lorry although secretly have always wanted to sit behind the wheel of a road train. Jeremy, the name given me by my adopted parents means “Anointed of God”. At the time I received my new name both my parents were not Christians and perhaps also were not aware of the significance of the meaning of Jeremy. As a committed Christian I’m happy with my adopted name and though I mean no disrespect to all the “Waynes” and “Lorry Drivers” around the world, I feel somewhat blessed to be the recipient of a name that means “Anointed of God”

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5 707 The Boeing 707 is a mid size, narrow-body four engine jet airliner, featuring a turbojet engine type. With our immigration papers, passports and few belongings Mum and Dad my adopted sister and I set off for Australia to begin a new life in the, “Lucky Country”. This was my first trip on a plane, an international flight following the journey of the first fleet, although a little faster and in more style and comfort. The year was 1969, and Manchester City beat Leicester City 1-0 in the FA cup final, Richmond beat Carlton 12:13 to 8:12 in the VFL Grand Final, (a game of football unique to Australia) Rod Laver won Wimbledon, along with Ann Haydon-Jones the women’s champion and Australia held the ashes from the 1968 series. I was 4 years of age when we departed for Australia and it would be 30 years before I would return to England. I remember the excitement of the plane ride and I can still see myself sitting on the plane looking out the window, blissfully unaware of the pending journey and that it would take me across the oceans, and more importantly 21,000Kms from my birthplace and birth mother. I know she was unaware of this relocation. I have briefly spoken with family members about this and from what I can gather the relocation to Australia was in many respects not just the opportunity of new possibilities but also to create distance between my birth mother and adoptive parents. I often think about how I would have lived and if there would have been a connection made sooner if we had not of left. I think about whether it was selfish on the part of my parents to remove me from my birthplace and deny me the opportunity to grow up where I was born. I harbor no bitterness or resentment but still wonder. Never the less I live with no regrets about my parent’s decision and have flourished in Australia in many ways that may not have eventuated otherwise.

Chapter 6 The Fear of Failure We began life in Australia, the 4 of us, later to be joined by 2 brothers. My Father was a plate maker with the government and later became a Minister with an AOG Church, Paradise, now called Influencers Church and my Mother a homemaker and a Bible Teacher. We lived in Sydney for a few years then relocated to Adelaide, Elizabeth to be exact along with many other English families. I attended several schools before completing year 12 at Fremont High School in 1982. School was bittersweet. I enjoyed English and art and at lunchtime I played cricket, soccer, football and tennis. I was (am) competitive and though I always played in the “B” teams I found a refuge in sport, I made lots of friends and learnt how to win, though my Dad taught me that a good loser makes a good winner. Dad played soccer for Grimsby Town, the Mariners, back in England, playing under Bill Shankly for a few games. I did manage to excel in one sport, badminton, and represented Australia; however the only memory I have is that we were humbled by the Korean’s in the final. I was not a good student; I did not apply myself and according to many report cards had potential but failed to make the most of the opportunities. I repeatedly handed in work that was void of thought and secretly harbored a fear of failure. I failed to attend the year 12 exams and hatched a plan to “regrettably” miss them in favor of working at a local supermarket (Coles) as a casual trolley boy. My High School Principal rang the store after I had missed the first 2 exams encouraging me to attend the remaining 3 exams; I respectfully told him I would do my best. I didn’t. Embarrassingly I admit that I thought it better to miss the exams rather than attend them and fail. I don’t know when or why I opened the door to this fear, it would be with me for many years to come until I finally was confronted and found a way to overcome this debilitating “spirit” of fear. The fear of failure is a real fear, it can prevent you from dreaming big, loving yourself and others, it can rob you of attempting new ventures in life and most of all it eats away at you like a cancer until when fully blown can render you weak and lifeless. Thankfully I was delivered from this spirit of fear and recovered to attempt many dreams and desires in life, one of them been to discover my beginnings.

If you are silently suffering from fear, there is hope, fear is a powerful force that can be overcome, and I encourage you to seek help so that you can live a fear free life.

Chapter 7 Extra Christmas Presents I have many memories of living at home with my family. In Elizabeth life was fun, school was boring apart from PE, I had many friends and my social calendar was always full. I remember my first job, a paper round, delivering the local rag to approximately 500 homes each week and receiving about $10, which in the 80s could buy you lunch at school every day for a week. I played Badminton, cricket, soccer, tennis and marbles-anything to be competitive. As a family we existed, we were not close, ships in the night with Mum and Dad, and my siblings had their own life. As a young foolish teenager and self consumed I placed no value on the family, I was in every sense a consumer, eager to benefit in any way without much consideration of giving. The relationship I had with my sister was superficial, we endured each other, and we were polite when needing to be but for the most part I resented her intelligence. She is now a doctor and has achieved many of her goals. At the time I was frustrated at the way in which my parents continually pitted us against each other. One memory I have is the competition my parents organized. The reward an extra Christmas present, given to the one who received the most “A” on the end of year school report card. I was never going to win, the only “ A “ I would get was for PE, and my sister would get straight “A” for every subject. I resented this and found it humiliating and condescending. I would never engage in this kind of activity as a parent. My 2 brothers were young when I left home, this I regret. I missed out on their formative years, the only memories I have is of babysitting them while my parents were at church on Sunday evenings. I did enjoy those nights, secretly watching TV programs that were banned……Now as a father I am hoping that my children appreciate our family and the blessing we can be to each other. In 1981we moved home from Elizabeth to Holden Hill and life continued for me as usual, I finished my final 2 years of School and entered the workforce. This was an exciting season; I was now able to dream about the future. I continued to work in several supermarkets; I worked in a factory building boat trailers and applied for an apprenticeship with the Australian Army. After miraculously passing the academic entry exams I stumbled at the finish line and was told that I was too small and would not be able to handle the rigorous physical demands of life as a soldier. I remember been gutted, particularly because I prided myself on been physically fit. 9

I would never reapply and secretly vowed to never defend Australia is she went to war and required personnel. I returned to Coles and progressed up the ladder in management. I had several girlfriends and continued to attend Church. I bought my first car at 18 and with wheels, a mullet and money meandered through several years of life occasionally and spontaneously dreaming about riches and fame, both of which now are fleeting thoughts I give no value to.

Chapter 8 Leaving Home I remember vividly the day I left home. I was 18 years old. My Father had repeatedly told me on many occasions to leave home while I knew everything. I was rebellious, selfish and disrespectful to most authority figures in my life. I used the home as a hotel and deserved to be asked to leave. I obliged, though I had no choice. Dad escorted me to the front door with my suitcase and sherrin. As I passed by my parent’s bedroom I could hear my Mother crying. I enquired as to why and my Father replied, “This is the second child your Mother is losing” In that brief moment I discovered two key pieces of information. The first, I was adopted, and the second, Mum and Dad had previously had a daughter whom they lost and after been told by their Doctor that they could not naturally conceive a child they adopted my sister and I. I stored this information in the back of my mind and left home. I would never return. This was the end of a season and a new chapter in my life would begin. I was determined to make the most of it, I was unsure of the future, but anything would be better than the way I was living. I was and am eternally grateful to the families that took me into their homes over the next few years. David, Robert, Philip, Russell, Ted and others who I must say saved my life. I regret leaving home at 18. I missed many years with my brothers and sister, years that I cannot relive, though thankfully now as parents we are able to enjoy time together when I visit Adelaide. At the time leaving home did not invoke a great deal of emotion in fact I was relieved. My Mother and I fought continuously and though I was able to overlook the daily tension my mother could not. Mum was a stay home Mum who spent the days preparing Bible studies and my presence was disconcerting and caused much frustration and I know it was her initiative to have me relocated. My Father obliged, he was a peacemaker and as a doting husband was prepared to accommodate Mum’s demands. I often wish my Father had stood up to my Mum more, however now as a husband and Father I can appreciate the challenge of parenting. 10

Chapter 9 Candid Camera I love my football. It was made very clear to me the expectations of living with the “Evans” family. I was to attend Church twice on Sunday and youth group on Friday night and the mid week Bible study group. One particular Saturday night I was invited to attend a game at “Footy Park”, the game commenced at 7-40 pm and went for approximately 3 hours. I knew what the answer would be if I asked permission so I felt that forgiveness rather than permission would be the better option. I secretly left that night and returned home at about the same time I would have if I had of attended the youth group meeting. When I arrived home all the lights were out (as usual) however when I opened the lounge room door there in the middle of the lounge room sitting on 2 kitchen chairs was Mrs E and Pastor Andrew. They began asking me questions such as “did you have a good evening”, “did you go out for supper”, questions that I could answer honestly, however what I did not realize was that both of them had been watching the TV that night and watching the football and when the camera panned around the ground it settled on me. There I was in all my glory, hands raised, shouting and cheering. (worshipping ) There was no escaping the camera. I confessed and thankfully the funny side of the evening was taken into consideration and I received a warning.

Chapter 10 Living a Double Life My 21st was memorable. I had been living out of home for 3-4 years and at this time I was living with “Russ” my best friend and his family. A couple of mates organized a surprise party and I remember thinking how fortunate I was to have such good people around me. It was a cool party, pizza, soft drinks and a few presents, one of them a brand new sherrin. I don’t know what happened to that sherrin, it was a good friend, didn’t mind been kicked around and always came back for more. After the party I reminisced and concluded that the first 20 years of my life had been fun, plenty of twists and turns, up’s and down’s but for the most part void of purpose. I was lurching from one day to the next and secretly living a double life. On the weekends I was in church, during the week it was a different life. Most Sunday’s I repented, it was a constant revolving lifestyle. I had several groups of friends. Church friends, Work friends, School friends and friends of 11

friends. I did my best to ensure that my worlds did not collide. For those who are familiar with the term “backslider” I was one. I had a form of godliness; I could play the game, but was only fooling myself. Deep down I loved God, but Church was killing me. It was conservative, religious and definitely restrictive. I was not openly Christian, I attended Church and youth group, mainly for the social interaction and for the fact that the family I was living with enforced church attendance, of which I willingly agreed to. I tried reading the Bible, I prayed out of a religious obligation and I gave money to the church (willingly) though I had no real conviction of many of the disciplines of the Christian faith. This said, I did believe that God was real and that He had a purpose for my life. I was desperate for change. I needed purpose and a reason to live and though I had dreams it seemed as though they were too distant and that I was not positioned to have a crack at them. I decided to move to Queensland.

Chapter 11 The Color of Racism At 21 I began my new life in Queensland, Brisbane to be exact and decided that I would find some purpose and meaning for my life. A great friend, I call him, “Tangles” invited me to join him at his Father’s church and I quickly became involved as a youth leader. These years would be great years; I was preaching, leading worship and working as a manager at Coles. It was fun, and at the age of 25 met a wonderful girl and got engaged. Not everyone was encouraging of the relationship; it was an eye opener to bear the brunt of racism in the church. The girl was attractive, smart and….. Indian. I believe that love is a wonderful virtue and choice you make in life and the color of your skin is, well the color of your skin, and though some are lighter than others it should not be discrimitory especially in the church of all places. Love should be permitted to flourish were it may. Generally I am diplomatic in the midst of confrontation however this abuse not only took me by surprise but I found myself battling with thoughts of revenge and anger. I wanted to desperately defend my fiancée and I desired that those who were opposed to this relationship based on race should be dealt with harshly and swiftly. Interestingly it did not deter me from loving my fiancée (name deliberately with held as she has since passed away) but the abuse helped us both to forge ahead with our life together. If the truth be told I never resolved the hurt or anger, looking back I suppressed it, at the time I felt inadequate to deal with these predominately widows who were the instigators and perpetrators. Racism springs from the lie that certain human beings are less than fully human. It is a self-centered falsehood that corrupts our minds into believing we are right to treat others 12

as we would not want to be treated. I was disappointed to be on the receiving end of such behavior and trust that those perpetrators one day will realize the hurt and damage that racism causes. We bought a house and set a wedding date but I broke off the engagement and will take the “real” reasons for this decision to my grave. It was at this time I had a genuine encounter with God. I had a revelation of His love and calling and as a result committed the rest of my life to following Jesus, His plans and purpose for my life. Revelation is a powerful tool, its power lies in the fact that it is more than information and when acted upon births transformation. I define revelation as “revealed Truth” Information+Revelation+Application=Transformation Subsequently I enrolled in Bible College, Commonwealth Bible College, located in the Blue Mountains in NSW. I was accepted and began studies in January 1992. I was to spend the next 3 years in Katoomba, and upon graduating with a diploma in Ministry I moved down the mountains to Campbelltown where I accepted a position at Campbelltown City Church as the youth pastor. Several years later in 1998 I was ordained as a Minister of the gospel of Jesus Christ with the Assemblies of God in Australia. Once again following in my fathers footsteps.

Chapter 12 Bible College For three years I studied, well let’s be honest I lived in the Blue Mountains and attended CBC. At the time they were the best three years of my life. The live in arrangement was perfect for me, I needed the discipline and community aspects. Having dropped out of high school I was nervous about study in particular the exams. I recall the first exam in which I cheated. Sitting next to me was Marco D’Angelo, a bright student and without much thought I glanced at his paper and my eyes caught a word that set off a thousand thoughts and I completed the exam. Several days later I along with Marco were summoned to the President’s office. Both of us were oblivious to the nature of our calling. The discussion was short, having glanced at Marco’s paper I inadvertently copied a word Marco had spelt wrong. This incorrect spelling of the word was a one in a million chance, according to the President Dr. David Cartledge. I quickly confessed and Marco was dismissed. I cannot recall the conversation with David, I do remember crying and pleading for for13

giveness, and vowed never to cheat again. I kept my word and completed the course and passed. In hindsight been caught cheating was a god send. College was a time of preparation, preparation of my head and heart. The daily chapel services were inspiring, the work afternoon uninspiring, the treks to churches around the country were excellent opportunities to preach and meet people, the meals were on a budget, and my room was cosy, freezing in the winter when the boiler broke and hot in the summer. I do recall it snowed once and we slid down Katoomba Street on pieces of cardboard, heaps of fun. One fond memory is going to the café that served MOGS, man of God shakes, chocolate was my favourite. Each weekend I would travel to Sutherland by train, a three to four hour trip, to intern at the Christian Growth Centre, a large influential church pastored by Stephen Penny. The weekends were the highlight of my week. Steve was inspirational; he was prophetic and gave me many opportunities to grow in my giftings. I am grateful for his leadership and input into my life. In reflection, college was both a challenge and a blessing. I am glad that I finished and passed the course. It is rather ironic that I now work for the college, who would have thought?

Chapter 13 You will Always be Beautiful in my Eyes In 1994 I met Lola Davis. Immediately we sensed that there was potential for a future together and we began a relationship. Both of us had experienced broken engagements and so we proceeded with caution. I was convinced from the start that I had met my life’s partner and by the end of the year we were engaged and set a date to be married on March 11, 1995. The early days of “courting” were exciting and I fondly recall several occasions that have created precious memories. The first time we went out together we were with friends on a boat on the Hawkesbury River. It was a beautiful day and though we did not engage in much conversation except for polite pleasantries I enjoyed her company. The truth be known I was nervous and when nervous I respond in one of two ways, laugh or retreat. Never the less at the end of the day 14

Beth took me to the train station for my trip back to the college. I remember leaning back into the car through the window and asking Beth if I could see her again, she replied, maybe, maybe I thought to myself, maybe. All the way on the train I couldn’t believe her response, maybe, I remember telling myself, she doesn’t realize how lucky she is with an offer like mine. I was a little rattled but plucked up enough courage to meet again. We started to see each other regularly and both sensed the potential for a long term relationship that could lead to marriage. I was attracted to Beth’s strong character, she knew what she wanted and where she was going. Beth had a good work ethic and was well liked by her peers. At the time she was living with a girlfriend as she had also left home many years before. One of her attractive qualities to me was her commitment to her faith, at the time she was working for the church and I sensed a deep love not just for her job but for God. We continued to see each other and started to dream about the future. This was exciting and my heart was full of purpose and destiny. On September 5th 1994 I asked Beth to marry me. I wish that I could tell you of the romantic proposal but there wasn’t one. This is a sore point with Beth and an embarrassment for us both. I will not include the details suffice to say if I could turn back time I would put a lot more thought and creativity into the proposal, Beth deserved better and though she said yes the memory is not a good one. Our wedding ceremony was a beautiful celebration of love. The ceremony was conducted by my Father and Pastor John Iuliano. I sang Beth down the aisle, accompanied by a live band, I sang the song sung by Joshua Kadison, “You will always be beautiful in my eyes” I had learnt my lesson from the poor proposal and together we planned out the day and the honeymoon. The service was beautiful, family and friends all came and the church was packed. Beth looked stunning, I remember watching her walk down the aisle with her Dad as I sang, it was memorable, part of me couldn’t believe it was real, I was finally getting married and to such a wonderful person. To be perfectly honest we were not childhood sweethearts, in fact we were not besotted by each other, we enjoyed each other’s company, we had the same beliefs and held similar values. We both were confident that our dreams and desires were complimentary and that together we could forge a relationship of love, trust, fun and we could carve out for ourselves a future that would be rewarding and enjoyable. We were both realistic and integrous with our intentions to love and respect each other. 19 years ago we exchanged vows and rings and still Beth is “beautiful in my eyes” and we are together. You make love work. The reception was held at an old English Inn in Camden. It was a gorgeous setting and there was much laughter and joy. I do remember one thing, my speech, it was way to long 15

and boring. Upon reflection we have both commented on how we should have had fewer speeches. The night went so quick and we ended up in the Novetal near the airport for the night. The honey moon was interesting, Beth says she didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t enjoy it, I did. We stayed at a golf resort on the Gold Coast. In reflection we could have done better.

Chapter 14 Odds of 5 to 1 I truly am a blessed man. They say that it is the male who determines the gender of a child. I am blessed with 4 beautiful daughters. Courtney, 17, Isabel, 15, Georgia, 12 and Annalise, 9 I never imagined that my life could be so full and complete. The Bible describes children as a reward and the man who has a quiver full is blessed. I believe that parenthood is a privilege and a responsibility that charges me to position my children so that they can discover their potential and pursue their dreams. I hope I can succeed at this and that our girls flourish in life. It is a sobering thought that my wife and I have brought 4 girls into this world and have the opportunity to help shape their lives and experience the insomeamountable joy they bring. I was present at all the births and to this day I am totally amazed at the journey that a woman endures in the process of child bearing. Beth spent 36 months of her life carrying babies and many hours in labor. I know it was a season and that the rewards are indescribable and in many ways I am not able to in words describe my admiration for her, however, I am eternally grateful and have the utmost respect for her dedication to our children. Pregnancy for some can be seen as an unwanted interruption and an inconvenient mistake. I know that many pregnancies are unplanned and are the result of unbridadled passion. I am also aware that there are those who have been the victims of rape and others who have been forced to bear children for a variety of reasons some cultural. I am also aware that there are those who for many reasons cannot fall pregnant and carry deep hurt as a result. My encouragement and advise to all women, especially teenage girls is this. It was Godâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s intention that women should bear children. They have been created by design for this function. In a perfect world pregnancy was meant to be a wonderful uncomplicated experience, a season of great joy. Unfortunately we live in a fallen world where morals and values are often misguided and relationships and marriage face unprecedented challenges. Love is colored by so many challenges and parenthood can be perceived as a disruption to 16

one’s life. Pregnancy is a beautiful journey in life; women who experience it are blessed amongst women. In all of this may we never lose sight that all of us were children once and let us not forget the richness that children bring into the world when given the opportunity to live.

Chapter 15 Two Strange Ladies At school we are taught about stranger danger. Don’t talk to strangers. Generally I don’t but when approached on a ferry travelling from Parramatta to the city I obliged. I was with my eldest daughter and half way through the journey a lady who I had noticed earlier came over and commented on how lovely Courtney looked. She was right. Courtney is a gorgeous girl. Courtney is my eldest of 4 daughters and at the time had blond hair and blue eyes. I along with my wife have brown eyes and brown hair, though my grey is pushing through quite rapidly. The lady enquired as to Courtney’s complexion noting that she had a son whose complexion was brown and a daughter that was blond and blue eyed. She informed me that her son was adopted. At that point I spontaneously replied that I too was adopted. The lady continued and encouraged me to find my birth mother. It was one of those brief conversations that impacted me deeply. Was she an angel, sent from God with a heavenly message or was it coincidental. I chose to believe the former. It was to be the first of 2 encouragements that led me on the quest to find my birth mother. The second encouragement came as I sat on the front row of a Church meeting. I was the guest preacher and just before I was introduced a “strange Lady” sitting behind me taped me on the shoulder and said, “Sir, God has told me to tell you that you should go find your birth mother” I turned to her and replied, thank you, I will take that into consideration. I did.

Chapter 16 4 Mill Lane My original birth certificate states my birth mothers address as 36 Jackson Road Scunthorpe. This seemed to be the best place to start the journey of discovery. I had a great sense of expectation that I was going to finally meet my birth mother however I was protective of my heart just in case I faced rejection. When my birth mother signed her statement of intent to have me adopted she waved her right to ever contact me again. I am sure it was a heartrenching decision. I was aware of this law and knew that if we were ever to be reunited it would mean I would need to initiate contact. This I was willing to do. (Adoption laws differ in many countries, it may be worth while investigating for yourself the laws of adoption were you live) We arrived (I was accompanied by a friend called Nat) at Jackson Road only to be told by a neighbor that the Johnstonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s had died 10 years ago. The neighbor was agitated so I left promptly. Prompted by the Holy Spirit I proceeded to a small corner shop on Jackson Road and when inside I enquired to the lady behind the counter if she knew of the where abouts of Ann Johnston, informing her of my new found information about the death of her parents. I told her I was a friend of the family on holidays from Australia. She looked at me with a twinkle in her eye as if to say, I know who you are. With that she told me that she was a school friend of Annâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s and that she had lost contact but knew of her grandmother who lived around the corner. She instructed her husband to take me there. We arrived and a very frail old lady answered the door and after a brief conversation told me, Ann lived in Kirton in Lindsey but she could not remember the address. After a few moments of deep thought she thought that it was an address with 4 letters, with this we left thanking her profusely. We drove to Kirton in Lindsey and acquired a town map from the post office. We wrote down all the streets with 4 letters of which there were 4. One of them was Mill Lane. We drove to it and as we parked the car outside number 4 a young attractive girl ran inside the house. For some strange reason I thought it could be my sister as she was not tall. As we sat in the car I suddenly became nervous and uncomfortable, probably nervous tension, could it be I have found my birth mum. It was late so we decided to return to Sheffield were we were staying and return to Kirton in Lindsey the next day.

Chapte 17 4 Mill Lane (part 2) The next day we returned to Mill Lane. This time I was accompanied by 2 friends, Glyn and Sophia Barrett, now, Pastors of the Audacious Church in Manchester. We arrived at 4 Mill Lane and parked out the front of number 6. I wrote out a short note and asked Glyn to take it to number 4 and ask for a lady by the name of Ann Johnson. The note said something like this: Hi, my name is Wayne Johnson and I believe you maybe my birth mother. Glyn returned to the car with unwelcome news, there is no Ann Johnson at this address. Both Sophia and I were dumbfounded as we were both unexplainably certain that we were at the right house. Never the less we drove back to Sheffield. Glyn encouraged me to be positive and that he had a friend who was a private detective and that he would call him to see if he could help. My spirit lifted with hope especially in that the day was still young. Within an hour I was speaking to the PI and gave him all the relevant information retelling the current status including the previous dayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s events. He informed me he would locate Ann by the end of the day. Again I was full of hope. At 12pm the PI called. You have already met her he said. What! What do you mean we have already met her? Well he said you met her at 4 Mill Lane. No I didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t I replied, Glyn was told by a young girl who answered the door that there was no such lady. Well the PI replied, the lady in the house has since married and her name is now Ann Cox and she did not realize the connection. The PI informed me he has spoken with her and her husband Trevor, and he will take my call at 1pm, and he gave me their number. My heart was racing and I thanked the PI for his time and successful effort. I nervously waited until 1pm.

Chapter 18 The Day I met My Birth Mother 1pm took forever to come. It finally came and I dialed the number. Trevor answered the phone and after polite formalities asked me what I wanted. I told him I believed that his wife Ann was my birth mother and that I wanted her to know I was well and living in Australia. Okay he replied, Ann is here and she is willing to talk to you, would you like to talk to her, yes I said and Ann took the phone. I cannot recall the conversation I was to nervous but what I do remember is that Ann confirmed to me she was my mother and that I was welcome to come over for tea that night at 6pm. I accepted the invitation and began preparing myself. That evening Glyn, Sophia and I went back to 4 Mill lane, this time we all went to the front door without any notes. For laughs I said to Glyn, remember mate they think you’re the son, so how about we play along with it. We did. My initial introduction was warm and accepting. It was surreal yet at the same time mind blowing. Here I am talking to my birth mother after 34 years of separation. The physical resemblances were uncanny; I could see the similarities, our facial features and physique. We talked for hours without realizing the time; in fact it felt like time stood still. The conversations were easy; it was natural and free flowing, no awkward pauses or silent moments. We exchanged stories and the truth is began a friendship that to this day is deepening. After a few hours Ann introduced me to my 2 sisters. They had been waiting in the lounge. My older sister had already met Glyn the previous day so we again had a laugh. Trevor was not at home, he was at the pub. I didn’t get to meet him but hopefully one day I will. We do however speak on the phone. I believe he is happy for our reunion.

Chapter 19 The Greatest Virtue is Love We organized to meet again. This time we went out for dinner. It was beautiful; Ann and her 2 children, and my new found brother in-law, enjoying good food and each other’s company. After dinner we went home and Ann and I got to spend some time together.

It was a special time, a time of reflection, honesty, understanding, acceptance and forgiveness. Upon reflection I learnt many things about Ann and myself that day. I learnt that when you’re young, single and unexpectantly pregnant you don’t have the experience or wisdom to understand or appreciate your situation and therefore make decisions based on the moment rather than the future in mind. I learnt that life is not always simple, in fact at times it is complicated and you make the best decision at the time and just hope for the best outcome. I learnt that forgiveness is a powerful virtue. Forgiveness builds a bridge not a wall, and has the potential to open hearts for new life to flow and new possibilities to emerge I learnt that family is everything. I learnt that nothing is impossible to him who believes I learnt that love is the greatest virtue of all I learnt that the memorable moments in life come out of the mundane days of our lives I learnt that a kiss is precious and a hug is priceless I learnt that no matter what your past has been your future can be better than your wildest dreams I learnt that life is short and time is worth more than gold, life has to be lived with no regrets and lived with reconciliation as a primary value I learnt that we all make mistakes and we should never judge people without all the facts I learnt that my birth mother loves me and I love her

Chapter 20 The Good Book My faith in God rests upon His eternal word. I believe in the Bible, it is more than just a good historical book, a novel with which one can find solace in times of trouble or even a book that serves as a road map for life for those who are void of purpose or meaning. For me the Bible is God’s message to humankind, a message of faith, hope and love. It contains inspired writings of truth that serve to birth hope for the reader. There are many truths that over the years have shaped my life. The next few chapters unpacks a selection of revelations that have become building blocks for my life. We are all searching for truth, truth in the inward parts, truth that will enlighten our journey and truth that will set us free from bondages or undesirable habits. Some need truth to help make wise decisions, while others require truth so that they may coach others in life’s 21

challenges. Whatever the reason truth becomes a necessity for without it life has no morals or values. I searched for truth about my origins for many years, I had questions without answers and while many of them were answered when I met my birth Mum, others have been answered in the pages of the “Good Book”

Chapter 21 Revelation: I was created by God. Psalm 139 There are many wonderful truths contained in Psalm 139. It is a Psalm of David and contains God’s perfect knowledge of man. Verse 13-14 says, “For you formed my inward parts, You covered me in my mother’s womb. I will praise you for I am wonderfully made, marvelous are your works, and that my soul knows well” What a wonderful truth. It may be true that I was born by default, but, this must be married with the truth of God’s word, He created me by design, He knew me when I was in my mother’s womb. In fact the Bible says that He knew me before the foundations of the world. God the creator of heaven and earth is also my creator. He formed me, skillfully wrought me and His eyes saw me when I was yet unformed. These truths shape my life; they give it purpose and hope. David goes on to write, He has fashioned my days, when as yet there were none of them. The fetus of human life is not something that can be discarded or abused as though it is void of life. The fetus is alive it is a living cell. Defined in the dictionary as: in humans after the end of the second month of gestation. When we contemplate life, let it be in the context of a creator, that being God, who has personally designed each one of us and desires to know us as we live the life He intended for us to live.

Chapter 22 Revelation: God has a plan for my life. Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the thoughts I have for you declares the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope” These are the words of God to the prophet Jeremiah, speaking of Israel, God’s chosen people. They can be legitimately applied to the lives of individual believers; God has plans for our lives. It is a great source of strength and hope. God has a plan. It is not a secret plan but one that God by His Holy Spirit wants to reveal to us. For many years I lived without real purpose and this verse was prophetically spoken over my life and ever since I have found it to be a source of hope for the future. I do not need to aimlessly wander through life, meander or stumble from one day to the next with some vain wish that I may one day magically discover a glimmer of purpose. No, my life is full of purpose, I am a man of destiny, my creator has gone before me and prepared “works” that I may walk in them and find meaning and fulfillment. Ephesians 2:10 For we are His workmanship created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them” “This is the genius of God’s new creation work in each new believer is that He renovates the nature of His redeemed children to make good works a living possibility” Spirit Filled Life Bible’ NKJV

Chapter 23 Revelation: Father God Ephesians 1:5 For many years I wondered as to whose son I was. Who was or is my birth father and mother. This is a normal response and one that is common amongst children who have been abandoned or adopted. The origins of anyone or anything are extremely important. Your origins 23

are a meaningful aspect of the journey of your life. For me when I found my birth mother many of the questions I had were answered and thankfully the answers have themselves given me rest and peace. There is another perspective on the subject of adoption that has also brought to my life rest and a sense of hope. God has adopted me. Verse 5 of Ephesians chapter1, “having predestined us to adoption as sons by Jesus Christ to Himself according to the good pleasure of His will” “Justification is the cancellation of judgment against us in relation to sin. In it we are released from liability and restored to a position of favor with God. This transfer from a status of alienation and hostility to one of acceptance and favor is termed adoption” Author unknown Our adoption is the fulfillment of the plan of God.” He destined us in love to be His sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of His will” “Adoption involves a change of both status and condition” We become God’s children. I have become one of many of God’s children. It can be called if you like, Sonship. I know view God as not only my creator but my Father. As a believer I enjoy a relationship with God that can not be experienced outside of the belief and acknowledgment of God. Adoption involves reconciliation with God. My belief in Him paves the way for an intimate and personal relationship whereby I can call God, Abba Father, daddy if you like. I have not met my biological father, and I may never, and maybe you are in the same boat as me. The truth is, God is your Father, He is your creator and you can know Him personally. Ask Him today to reveal Himself to you, a simple prayer could be, God if you are real, make yourself known to me today. He will answer that prayer.

Chapter 24 Fate or Fortune I am eternally grateful that my birth mother chose adoption for her little Wayne. I am just as grateful for my adoptive parents, Mum & Dad, who chose me and renamed me Jeremy. My life has and continues to be a fantastic adventure and together with my wife and daughters we continue to believe the best is yet to come. My story is not one of fate, but fortune. It is one of design not default and it is one of blessing not blame. I choose to believe that ““You possess the seed of the one who endured the greatest hostility ever encountered. His strength is in you! His nature is yours. You were not made to quit, draw back, falter, or compromise. You’ve been blessed with the amazing grace of God.” John Bevere #Strength#Stronger Whatever you are facing right now there is grace available. Reach out and receive it from Jesus Christ. His grace is sufficient. Your life is valuable. You deserve to live in freedom and you were designed to live in relationship with other people and God. Make it your ambition to know God and be united with others who have shaped your life, and if that means a journey of discovery as too who you are then approach it with faith and a self belief that whatever you discover can not change the fact your future is as bright as the never failing promises of a never failing God. Jeremy (Wayne)

Chapter 25 a·bor·tion əˈbɔr ʃənShow Spelled [uh-bawr-shuh n] Show IPA

noun 1. Also called voluntary abortion. the removal of an embryo or fetus from the uterus in order to end a pregnancy. 2. any of various surgical methods for terminating a pregnancy, especially during the first six months. 3. Also called spontaneous abortion. miscarriage def 1 . 25

4. an immature and nonviable fetus. 5. abortus def 2b . More definition 1. an operation or other procedure to terminate pregnancy before the fetus is viable 2. the premature termination of pregnancy by spontaneous or induced expulsion of a nonviable fetus from the uterus 3. the products of abortion; an aborted fetus 4. the arrest of development of an organ 5. a failure to develop to completion or maturity: the project proved an abortion 6. a person or thing that is deformed

Chapter 26 Am I pregnant? What does an abortion operation involve? The following information is taken from an Australian website. Information is lawfully correct and applies to women living in NSW, Australia. If you live outside of Australia you should consult a doctor or birth clinic in your region. Some of the information is applicable no matter your residence. http://www.privateclinic.com.au/?gclid=CJyqme_2z7wCFUdvvAod5hwAWg The early symptoms which may indicate that you are pregnant, include a missed period, breast tenderness, nausea or â&#x20AC;&#x153;morning sicknessâ&#x20AC;?, passing urine more frequently, and lethargy.

Types of tests If you suspect that you may be pregnant, your next step is to confirm the pregnancy with either a home pregnancy test kit, or a blood test from your local doctor. The home test kits may be purchased from pharmacies, supermarkets, or we can provide you with a test at The Private Clinic. These tests indicate the presence of pregnancy hormone in your urine and they give accurate results when used at least 10 days after conception (or whenever your period is late) and according to the manufacturers instructions. Alternatively, your local doctor will be able to perform a blood test which will test for the presence of pregnancy hormone in your blood. These tests are accurate only 5 days after conception but results usually take 12 - 24 hours to be returned. If your pregnancy may possibly be over 13 weeks, an ultrasound scan may be required to accurately determine the fetal age (gestational age). How many weeks pregnant am I? The start of the pregnancy is, by convention, measured by 26

the number of weeks since the first day of your last period. This is abbreviated to LMP (Last Menstrual Period) and is about two weeks earlier than the date of conception. As an example, if your period is normally a 28 day cycle, and you have missed your period by one week, this would mean that you are now 5 weeks pregnant, (or 5 weeks LMP). Conception would have occurred 3 weeks ago. Termination of pregnancy may be performed from 5 weeks LMP. Some women are often further along than they expect. If you donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t remember the date of your last period, if your period was lighter or shorter than usual, or if you have any doubt, it may be necessary to have an ultrasound performed to determine how far along your pregnancy is. Your local GP may be able to provide you with a referral to a radiology centre, or we can perform an ultrasound scan at The Private Clinic.

Deciding what to do Everyone who is facing a pregnancy must answer one basic question: Is this the right time for me to have a child? No responsibility is as important as raising a child. No decision is greater for a woman than this one. If you are considering having a baby, start taking extra care of yourself now. It is not wise to make an appointment to have a termination if you are undecided about your decision. While the decision to terminate a pregnancy is always a difficult one, it is normal for most patients to experience feelings of sadness or guilt despite being completely sure of their decision. Getting support. Although this decision is yours, or yours and your partnerâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s, you need support. Some couples come together in making this decision, and some pull apart. The best results occur when both of you can talk honestly about how you feel and listen to each other. If you choose to have a friend help you with your decision, choose wisely. Ask them to listen, not to tell you what to do. Ask that they not tell anyone else without your permission. Sometimes you need to talk to someone else outside the situation, someone who understands, who can explain things, and who will listen to you. The Private Clinic can provide you with any information required to assist you with your decision or we can assist you with finding an independent counsellor who can help. If you decide to contact one of the abortion counselling services listed in the Yellow Pages, you should be aware thatmost of these services are run by religious groups and do not offer unbiased advice. If you have decided to terminate your pregnancy, the next step is 27

simply to make an appointment.

Pregnancy Terminations Current figures indicate that in Australia, one in every three women will have a pregnancy termination at some time in their lives. This procedure is one of the safest that can be performed in a day surgery environment, however all surgical procedures carry risks, however minor. First trimester (5 - 12 weeks)The medical name of the procedure during the first trimester is called suction curettage, and also “dilatation and curettage” or “D&C”. This is a simple procedure in which your cervix is gently opened with sterile rods called dilators. These are gently inserted into your cervix until it has opened enough (6 - 9 mm) to accommodate a thin plastic tube through which a gentle suction is applied. This suction removes the embryonic sac and the lining of the uterus, called decidua, which accompanies every pregnancy. The procedure normally lasts about 10 minutes. At The Private Clinic, an ultr sound scan is used to verify the presence and location of the embryonic sac before the operation, and also to verify that it has been successfully removed at the completion of the operation. Second trimester (13 - 20 weeks) For pregnancies over 14 or 15 weeks, the procedure is normally carried out over two consecutive days depending on your past gynaecological history. If a two day procedure is required, on the first day, some thin absorbent rods will be inserted into your cervix while you are under anaesthetic. These are called laminaria and they slowly swell as they absorb body moisture. The laminaria are left in place overnight so that the cervix is dilated slowly and gently. On the following day, you will be given medication in the morning to soften your cervix and to further assist with the dilation. You will be kept under observation until the medication takes affect at which time you will be anaesthetised and the evacuation of the uterus is completed with the assistance of gentle suction. In order to minimise complications, a trans-vaginal ultrasound scan is performed at the end to ensure that your uterus is empty.

Chapter 27 Answers to Questions you may have AnaesthChapter Cesia Many women are anxious about experiencing pain during their operation. This is a common fear which we fully appreciate and we undertake to ensure that your visit is as stress free and pain free as possible. At the start of the operation the doctor will give you intravenous anaesthetic medications. These drugs will make you feel relaxed, comfortable and into a sleep-like state. You will be totally unaware of anything during the procedure and you will not remember anything about it afterwards. This type of anaesthesia is considerably safer than general anaesthesia and your recovery time will be more rapid. Approximately one hour. You may experience some mild cramping, similar to period pain, after your operation. This will settle within about one hour and if necessary, you will be given some pain reliefmedication.

Costs If you have a Medicare card, Medicare covers much of the cost however there will be an out of pocket expense. Please feel free to call the clinic for details of our fees. We accept cash, EFTPOS or credit card payments. Legal information In New South Wales, it is lawful for a doctor to terminate a pregnancy if he/she believes that it is necessary to protect a womanâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s physical or mental health. A womanâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s social, financial or medical conditions may be taken into consideration.

Common questions Will my future fertility be affected? Under normal circumstances, when performed by an experienced doctor, and you follow all of your post-operative instructions carefully, your fertility will not be affected. In fact a D & C can sometimes increase your chances of falling pregnant afterwards. Will I be able to work the next day? Most women feel well immediately after the procedure and are well enough to work the following day. Very occasionally, additional treatment may be necessary in the days after the procedure. Patients should not swim, take baths, have intercourse or use tampons for two weeks after 29

the procedure. Showers are ok How much bleeding should I expect afterwards? Bleeding can be variable after a termination. Some women bleed for only a day and some will have bleeding for over a week. It is not unusual for heavier bleeding and cramping to occur about 4 to 5 days after the procedure as your uterus naturally sheds its lining. This will settle again, by itself, in a few days. Under normal circumstances, bleeding should not be more than a normal heavy period. Will my parents or family find out?The Private Clinic will not send receipts or letters to your home unless directed by you. If any medical follow-up is required which necessitates us phoning you, we refrain from revealing the nature of the matter to anyone but yourself. If you are on your partnerâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s or parentâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Medicare card, HIC will not release details of any treatment to anyone other than you. Do I need a referral from my local doctor? A referral is not essential but if you do have a letter from your doctor or an ultrasound report, please bring it with you if you attend the clinic. What are the medical risks?These days, the medical risks are greatly reduced when the procedure is performed by an experienced doctor and with careful follow-up. Having the procedure carried out as early as possible reduces the chances of having complications. However even a termination in the second trimester carries fewer risks than continuing a pregnancy to term. The doctor will discuss the risks with you during the consultation prior to the procedure and will answer any questions that you have. Can my partner accompany me?Your partner may accompany you to the clinic, however as we wish to maintain a private environment for all of our patients, we do not allow partners into the theatre or the recovery areas. We also request that patients and their partners do not bring young children or babies to the clinic. Can I have an IUD fitted? Depending on your circumstances, it is sometimes possible to fit an IUD during the procedure. Discuss this with the doctor during your initial consultation. How long will I be at the clinic? Normally, patients can expect to be at the clinic from 2 to 3 hours. Second trimester patients will usually need to visit the clinic on two, and sometimes three consecutive days.

Chapter 28-Must Watch Videos Abortion Survivor Gianna Jenson Speech in the Victorian Parliament http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q5YlJ9CZ9fI http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_cQlDJOAsn4 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OtJ9_-WOXik http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XWnna1yl2ko

Chapter 29 This section of information is taken from the (FAS) website in Western Australia. Please note some information maybe only relevant in Western Australia. PREGNANT AND CONSIDERING ADOPTION FOR YOUR CHILD? The Department for Child Protection and Family Supportâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Fostering and Adoption Services (FAS) is the first place to call when you are thinking about placing your child for adoption. The Department is the only agency in Western Australia allowed to arrange adoptions. Qualified and experienced staff (social workers and psychologists) from the Fostering and Adoption Services can talk with you about your options and help you to make the best plans for your child. You will be allocated a worker of your own and will be offered counselling and support. 1. Why do people relinquish a child for adoption? 2. Will I have support while I am making this difficult decision? 3. Can I make private arrangements for my child? 4. Will my family be told about the baby? 5. What happens to my child while I am thinking about adoption? 6. Does my childâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s other birth parent have to know about the adoption? 7. How much time will I have to make a decision about the adoption? 8. How are the adoptive parents chosen? 9. Will my child know he or she has been adopted? 10. Will I be able to see my child again? 11. How are arrangements made for ongoing contact? 12. How long does my child live with the adoptive parents before the Adoption Order is granted and do you make sure they are good parents? 13. Will my child keep the name I have given him/her? 31

1. Why do people relinquish a child for adoption? The Department for Child Protection and Family Support recognises that, in most cases, children are best raised within their own families. Sometimes a parent may feel unable, or unwilling to care for their child. Not all birth parents considering relinquishing their child are young and single. They may be in their teens, 20s, 30s or 40s. Many are in a relationship with the other parent of the child. There are many reasons birth parents choose adoption. It can be due to family and social pressures, often related to the birth parentsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; cultural background; not feeling able to take on the responsibilities of parenting at that stage of their life; not wanting to raise another child; emotional trauma related to the conception of the child. For most birth parents, the decision to place their child for adoption has been carefully made. Birth parents usually believe they are doing what is best for their child.

2. Will I have support while I am making this difficult decision? Making decisions about the long term care options for your child, including adoption, can be very distressing. You may be feeling pressured to keep your child or to relinquish your child. Fostering and Adoption Services staff appreciate the mixed feelings that birth parents have when they are considering relinquishing their child. Your worker can help you to understand what adoption means, what happens in an adoption and what your rights are, and will support you without putting pressure on you to make a decision either way. Adoption is one option; however, there are a number of options available when faced with having a child, including raising your child yourself with support or with the help of the other parent and/or extended family. It may be helpful to consider placing your child in foster care for a short period, while you consider your feelings, options and receive support. It is important to take your time when making a decision about whether you want your child to be adopted. The Adoption Act 1994 and Adoption Service staff allow time for you to make an informed decision. If you want to find out more, call the Department for Child Protection and Family Supportâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Fostering and Adoption Services (see brochure Considering adoption for your child). You will also be offered counselling to assist with this decision. Staff are required to keep your adoption information confidential; your call will remain private and you will be treated with care and respect.

3. Can I make private arrangements for my child? It is illegal to make private arrangements to have your child cared for by someone else if this may lead to an adoption. There are serious penalties such as a $25,000 fine and a two year term of imprisonment.

4. Will my family be told about the baby? Under the current Adoption Legislation (law) in Western Australia, your privacy and confidentiality is to be maintained, and you decide who you tell about the birth of your baby. However, with your permission, Adoption Services will want to be able to explore the possibility of the child being care for by you, the baby’s father, or within your families. It can also be reassuring for your child, as he or she grows up, to know that their grandparents and other relatives know of their existence. Should your son or daughter make contact with you or other birth family members when they are older, it will also be much easier for everyone if your family already know about the child.

5. What happens to my child while I am thinking about adoption? Your child may be placed with specially chosen and trained pre-adoption foster carers while you decide what to do. You will be encouraged to visit your child when in foster care as this has benefits for both you and your child even if you decide on adoption. Sometimes birth parents are reluctant to have contact for a range of reasons. Staff are happy to discuss your reasons and will not place any pressure on you.

6. Does my child’s other birth parent have to know about the adoption? When a baby is born, both parents have equal parental rights and legal responsibility for the child. Both birth parents must give their written consent for the child to be placed for adoption. Sometimes it is not possible or appropriate for the other birth parent to sign their consent and a dispensation may be obtained from the Family Court of Western Australia.

7. How much time will I have to make a decision about the adoption? After signing adoption consents you have a further 28 days to proceed. The technical name for this time is the ‘revocation period’. This time starts from when the Director General of the Department for Child Protection and Family Support receives your consent, and the consent of the other birth parent, for the adoption. 33

8. How are the adoptive parents chosen? If you have decided that adoption is best for your child and formally agreed to this, you will be asked to choose the adoptive parents you feel will be best for your child. Your worker will ask you about the important qualities you want in the adoptive parents, as well as preferred lifestyle choices. As far as possible, a match will be made with this information and applicants who have been approved and are waiting on a placement of a child. There is a process of matching your child to approved adoptive parents. People who want to adopt children in Western Australia are carefully screened. This includes a Police record check, a Department for Child Protection and Family Support internal screening check and a detailed medical report. Adoptive applicants attend seminars to learn about adoption and the particular needs of adoptive children. After the screening process is done applicants participate in a very intensive assessment. An assessment report is written and then presented to a committee of experts who decide if the applicants are suitable to adopt a child. This committee is called the Adoption Applications Committee. You will be given profiles of families who are approved to adopt. The profiles will include information on each familyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s qualities, lifestyle, religion and medical history, as well as other important information. Usually there are around three or four profiles to consider. From these, you can choose the family you think would best meet your childâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s needs.

9. Will my child know they have been adopted? In the past it was thought that secrecy and anonymity were in the best interests of all involved in an adoption. Over the years social attitudes to pregnancy outside of marriage have changed. It was realised that the secrecy caused a lot of distress to people affected by adoption. Research has shown that many mothers who gave up their children for adoption spent the rest of their lives wondering what happened to their children and grieving for their loss. Research has also confirmed that many adopted people want to know about their original family heritage, without necessarily changing their relationship with their adoptive family. Adoptive families often lived under the strain of feeling compelled to keep the childâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s past a secret. This often leads to the child feeling a sense of shame when they found out that they were adopted.

10. Will I be able to see my child again? Under the Adoption Act 1994 adoptions in Western Australia are â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;openâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; as they are throughout Australia. Open adoption means that birth parents can find out about the child they gave up, and children who have been adopted can find out about their birth family. After 1995 most parties to an adoption would have been introduced to each other so there is little secrecy. Now adoptive parents must tell the adopted child about the adoption and in a way that the child can understand. Open adoption means that the three main parties to an adoption; the child, the birth parents and adoptive parents are aware of each otherâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s identity.

11. How are arrangements made for ongoing contact? When you have chosen the adoptive parents that you would like for your child and they have agreed to the placement, Adoption Services staff will assist in the preparation of the Adoption Plan, which is a legally binding order from the Family Court of Western Australia. The best interests of the child are considered the priority in an Adoption Plan, which sets out how often and what sort of information will be shared (for example, letters, photographs, videos), by whom and how this will be done. It also states if and how often contact between you, the child and the adoptive family will happen. It outlines how meetings will be arranged and where they will be. Contact can vary from an occasional exchange of information with no contact, to a regular flow of information and frequent contact. The plan can be changed by agreement between you, the other birth parent and the adoptive family as the needs of the child change. However any change to an Adoption Plan needs to be approved by the Family Court. There are heavy penalties for any breach of the plan.

12. How long does my child live with the adoptive parents before an Adoption Order is granted and do you make sure they are good parents? When your child has been with the adoptive family for six months, they can apply for an Adoption Order from the Family Court. During the six months a worker visits the family to see how your child is settling in and offers advice and support. The worker will provide information to the Family Court gained during the visits, and this will help the Court when deciding about the granting of an Adoption Order.

13. Will my child keep the name I have given him/her? The child will usually take the last name of the adoptive parents. However, the childâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s first name cannot be changed unless the new family gets permission from the Family Court of Western Australia. If the order is granted and the adoption is made official, the adoptive parents will be the legal parents for your child. Your child will receive a new last name and a new birth certificate.

Chapter 30 Foster Care-Another Option Foster care is needed when children and young people, through no fault of their own, cannot live with their own parents or families. Foster carers can provide short or long term care. Foster care is now mainly managed by non-government agencies. This is because Community Services is transferring out-of-home service provision to the non-government sector. Research has shown that non-government agencies are best placed to deliver out-of-home care support to children and carers. Community Services encourages people interested in foster care to apply with one of the many accredited non-government agencies delivering support to children and young people and their carers. Visit www.fosteringnsw.com.au to find out more about fostering, hear real carer experiences and search for a foster care agency nearest you.