3 minute read
ESSAY: It's complicated
Instagram is like a bad relationship I can’t seem to quit.
I’ve tried everything from setting a time limit on my phone to deleting the app entirely, but—every morning without fail—I give in to the temptation and open the app, scrolling through Stories to see what my friends wore yesterday or where they had dinner.
Inevitably, I’ll start comparing myself to them, thinking, “I haven’t put on makeup in weeks,” or “I spent last night alone watching Schitt’s Creek with a bowl of boxed mac and cheese.” I close the app feeling worse about my life than when I opened it.
So, why do I keep coming back to it? As young people who grew up with the internet, we’re conditioned to value our digital life just as much—if not more—than our real one. Every afternoon with friends is an opportunity to get new content. Every colorful sunset deserves a spot on the feed. It’s fun in some ways—celebrating the best parts of your life and keeping up with people you haven’t seen in years. But most of the time, posting feels more like a job than a mental break.
A few weeks ago, I read a statistic from City University London that surprised me: Researchers surveyed 175 young women and nonbinary people, and 90 percent admitted to filtering or editing photos before posting online. That number sounded high to me until I thought about my own Instagram habits. How long has it been since I’ve posted a single thing without a filter? Not since…probably 2013? I’d fit right into that statistic with no problem.
So much of what we see online does not represent reality. Full stop. Yet I still can’t shake the feeling of comparison every time I hit ‘like’ on someone else’s latest post. While I can see the full context of my own imperfect life I’m immersed in, the only thing I’m seeing from other people is their highlight reel. It feeds a narrative in my head that I’m not doing enough.
Last year, during one particularly rough period for my selfesteem, a good friend shared a brilliant piece of advice.
“Go through the list of people you follow on Instagram,” she suggested. “Ask, ‘Does this person make me feel better about myself?’ If the answer is no, hit unfollow.”
This practice has helped me so much—especially when I feel myself slipping back into comparison mode. I’ll remind myself, if someone’s content makes me feel smaller, it isn’t worth my time or energy. All that to say, I’m learning to talk to myself like I’d talk to my best friends—or, one day, my future children. You matter, you’re enough, you’re worthy.
Social media can should be a fun, creative outlet, but if you feel yourself slipping into a toxic headspace every time you open an app, maybe it's time to consider a breakup.
The most important relationship in your life, and the one you’re stuck with for good, is the relationship you have with yourself. She deserves to feel like the queen she is, whether or not she’s a #content maven. So post that photo—or don’t! It’s your feed, and you make the rules.
By Sarah Ellis, Theta Tau–Belmont. Sarah is an NYC-based writer whose work can be found in Elite Daily, Greatist, HealthCentral, Livestrong and more. When not writing, she's probably reading, cooking, or dreaming about getting a dog. Follow her on Instagram @sarahaellis.
