June 2024 by ALT LIFE Magazine

BEHIND THE SCENES

EDITORS

LAYOUT & DESIGN

JSWING216

DAN & LACY

SWING NATION

PAUL

CHARLIE E SUZI

W H A L T

L I F E ?

You may be wondering why we’v decided to launch a magazine. That’s fair question! If you’re familiar with us you know that we host one of the nation’s top podcasts on non-monogamy and get millions of views monthly on social platforms like TikTok, Instagram, and Clapper.

So why add something else to our plate and start a digital magazine? The truth is, ALT Life Magazine isn’t about us. It’s about you and the community of people who have a message to share and need a platform to do it.

This magazine is for people who may not be able to put themselves out there publicly on social media due to fear of judgment and backlash. Our journey since 2021 into becoming social media influencers for the alternative lifestyle community, the one thing that’s remained consistent is the community and the people that encompass it.

are some of e people on the planet. The world needs to hear your stories, to get to know you, to fall in love with you like we have.

Our hope is that if they can see you for who you truly are, then perhaps the hate, the stigma, and the discrimination will come to an end.

We believe one of the best ways to do that is to do what we’ve pledged to do from the beginning; to shine a little light on the community.

So, we’d like to encourage all of you to contribute, to share your stories, to be heard.

We want you to be able to show the world how truly amazing and valuable this community is. We hope that one day we can all come out of the darkness and not have to live in fear.

, g ciety. She will be so surprised and say at I should not have written this piece her. What many people don’t know is at Lacy is involved in not only the big ngs, but in all of the small details. She a crucial part of what makes this mmunity and brand so great. There isn’t a detail too small for her to be involved. She works tirelessly to help with theming our events, designing new merchandise, and charity efforts. Our Christmas toy drive for children is the success it is because of Lacy and her own generous spirit and love for children.

Lacy personally makes our merchandise, she fills the swag bags for the events, she packages every online order with a thank you note.She networks and builds affiliate relationships to bring the community free trials and growth opportunities. In addition to all of the hours she puts in for the Swinger Society, she is a boss in her own right. She is one of the hosts of The Swing Nation podcast where she is working to normalize our nonmonogamous identity.

Lacy shares her experiences with insecurities, body image, internet trolls, jealousy, and anxiety while navigating the lifestyle. She advocates that you can be a wonderful and present mom, who is also a whole person in her own right. Lacy is normalizing that women are sexual beings with our own fantasies, that are no less valid than any mans. Her transparency and vulnerability make her relatable. It also normalizes the hard talks that can come with these topics. Lacy is kind, dedicated, and compassionate. She is a leader by example, as there is not one task she asks of her team that she herself will not or has not done.

Lacy ible cont tyle. Than and beli as a com your persistence when your profiles were silenced for speaking on these topics. The number of people who have found their truest selves and closest friends from seeing a single tiktok that raised some curiosity is more than you will ever know. We are so lucky to have you.

Barriers to Emotional

Immaturity

BY: DR. ELIZABETH FEDRICK IG: @DRELIZABETHFEDRICK

Emotional immaturity is undeniably the greatest barrier to co-creating a safe and connected relationship.

It is valid to assert that emotional immaturity is the result of unresolved trauma, a lack of healthy role modeling, & being overwhelmed by fear.

These are all very painful experiences… and, unresolved trauma, lack of role modeling, and fear, do not justify the pain caused to others by emotionally immature behaviors.

Emotional immaturity in a relationship often

An inability or unwillingness to stay safe, calm, and regulated when feeling angry, hurt, or afraid.

Dishonesty and/or withholding the truth for personal gain.

Treating all disagreements as the end of the relationship, thus becoming combative, defensive, and/or running away.

Selfishness, criticism, control, manipulation, & stonewalling.

A refusal to apologize or seek repair after being hurtful due to convincing themselves (and others) that it was justified.

Calling the other person toxic, crazy, or a narcissist instead of owning & addressing their own role in the dysfunctional cycle.

Having rigid or passive boundaries versus appropriate and healthy boundaries.

Expecting wants and needs to be met without communicating them.

Passive-aggressiveness or snarky comments when upset instead of being open & honest.

Self-righteousness and talking about all their insights and “growth” … yet continuing to engage in the same behaviors.

Emotionally immature individuals are often very aware and even vocal about what everyone else around them can do to improve and to show up better … yet they struggle to see the true impact of their own behaviors.

Emotionally immature individuals portray themselves as being very insightful & self-aware about their own personal growth. Though often lack the skills and self-discipline required to follow through on making real changes.

Emotional immaturity is fueled by insecurity, pride, and a fragile sense of self, which makes it near impossible to be honest with themselves about their own role in the ongoing chaos that they just cannot seem to escape or change.

Improving emotional immaturity is more than possible. However, if you just read this and were thinking about someone else’s emotionally immature behaviors the whole time … the point of this article might have been lost.

So, here is a gentle nudge to head back to the top and try reading it again.

BY AYNE

A BDSM Guide to Forced Orgasms, A BDSM Guide to Forced Orgasms, Edging and Orgasm on Command Edging and Orgasm on Command

In the vast landscape of human sexuality, various practices offer unique ways to explore and intensify sexual pleasure. Among these, forced orgasms, edging, and orgasm on command stand out for their ability to deepen intimacy, heighten sensations, and expand our understanding of sexual control and submission. We will delve into each of these practices, examining their benefits, techniques, and the crucial role of consent and communication.

The Intensity of Forced Orgasms

In BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission, Sadism, and Masochism) contexts, forced orgasms involve stimulating a partner to orgasm repeatedly, sometimes against their immediate will or beyond initial desire. This practice hinges on the principles of consensual power exchange and trust.

Understanding Forced Orgasms: Psychological and Physical Effects:

Consent and Safety: Informed, enthusiastic consent is paramount.

Safe words and boundaries must be clearly established between participants

Power Dynamics: Often involves a dominant partner controlling the submissive’s pleasure.

Methods and Techniques: Vibrators, manual stimulation, and bondage are commonly used to maintain continuous stimulation.

Intense Pleasure: Prolonged and repeated stimulation can lead to powerful orgasms.

Overstimulation: Continued stimulation can become uncomfortable or painful, requiring attentiveness to the submissive’s signals.

Emotional Impact: The act of surrendering control can evoke strong emotions, necessitating thorough aftercare.

Aftercare and Communication:

Aftercare: Critical for addressing physical and emotional needs postscene, fostering comfort and reassurance.

Open Communication: Discuss boundaries, safe words, and aftercare preferences to ensure a positive experience.

Considerations:

Physical Limits: Respect physical limits to prevent strain or discomfort.

Emotional Readiness: Both partners should be emotionally prepared for the intensity.

Building Trust: Trust is built with others, through honest communication and respecting boundaries.

Forced orgasms, when practiced consensually and safely, can be a thrilling and deeply intimate experience within the context of BDSM. They offer a unique exploration of power dynamics, control, and intense pleasure. However, like all BDSM activities, they require clear communication, mutual consent, and thorough aftercare to ensure that the experience is positive and fulfilling for both partners. By prioritizing safety, consent, and emotional connection, forced orgasms can enhance sexual intimacy and trust.

The Art of Edging

Edging, also known as orgasm control, involves bringing oneself or a partner to the brink of orgasm, then stopping just before climax is reached. This process can be repeated multiple times, resulting in a more intense and satisfying orgasm when it finally occurs. Edging can be a solo activity or a partnered experience and is often used to enhance sexual pleasure and intensity.

Benefits of Edging:

Enhanced Pleasure: Delaying orgasm increases sexual tension and arousal, often leading to a more powerful release.

Improved Control: Edging helps individuals manage their arousal, beneficial for those experiencing premature ejaculation.

Techniques for Edging:

Physical Techniques: Involve stopping stimulation just before orgasm and switching to less intense activities.

Mental Techniques: Focus on deep breathing or non-sexual thoughts to delay climax.

Communication and Feedback: Clear communication with a partner ensures comfort and mutual enjoyment.

Increased Intimacy: In a partnered setting, edging fosters communication and deepens connection.

Variety and Exploration: It encourages the exploration of different techniques and sensations, making sexual activities more exciting.

Challenges:

Frustration: The process can be frustrating if one partner is more eager to climax.

Physical Discomfort: Prolonged arousal may lead to soreness or discomfort.

Emotional Impact: Edging can evoke strong emotions, requiring a supportive environment.

Edging is a versatile and potentially highly rewarding sexual practice that involves delaying orgasm to enhance pleasure and control. While it offers numerous benefits, including heightened sexual satisfaction and improved control over ejaculation, it requires patience, communication, and an understanding of one’s own body and limits. Whether practiced alone or with a partner, edging can add a new dimension to one’s sexual repertoire, making it a valuable technique for those seeking to explore their sexual boundaries and deepen their experiences.

The Fascination of Orgasm on Command

Orgasm on command involves reaching orgasm through mental triggers or specific commands, often without direct physical stimulation. This capability can be cultivated through hypnosis, intense mental focus, and sexual conditioning. While it might seem extraordinary, with practice and the right techniques, it is a skill an individual can develop.

Mechanisms Behind Orgasm on Command:

Mental Conditioning: Repeated pairing of a specific word, phrase, or action with the experience of orgasm creates a strong mental link.

Hypnosis: Hypnotic techniques can implant suggestions linking specific triggers to the sensation of orgasm.

Mindfulness and Focus: Practices like meditation and guided visualization enhance the ability to concentrate on erotic thoughts.

Benefits:

Enhanced Control: Represents an elevated level of sexual awareness and management.

Increased Intimacy: Deepens intimacy and trust between partners.

Techniques for Development:

Creating Triggers: Choose a specific trigger and consistently pair it with the moment of orgasm.

Hypnosis: Work with a professional or practice self-hypnosis to reinforce associations.

Visualization: Regularly visualize sensations of arousal while focusing on the chosen trigger.

Considerations:

Time and Patience: Developing this ability requires consistent practice.

Emotional Factors: Emotional readiness and a supportive environment are crucial.

Expanded Experience: Adds a new dimension to sexual experiences.

Communication and Consent: Clear communication and mutual consent are essential.

Orgasm on command is an intriguing aspect of human sexuality that demonstrates the profound connection between the mind and body. Through mental conditioning, hypnosis, and intense focus, individuals can learn to experience orgasm through specific triggers. While it requires patience and practice, the potential benefits, including enhanced sexual control, deeper intimacy, and expanded sexual experiences, make it a fascinating area for exploration.

Edging, orgasm on command, and forced orgasms each offer unique paths to explore the depths of sexual pleasure and intimacy. Whether it is through the heightened arousal of edging, the mental mastery of orgasm on command, or the intense control dynamics of forced orgasms, these practices require a foundation of consent, communication, and trust. By prioritizing safety and mutual respect, individuals and couples can enrich their sexual experiences, deepen their connections, and explore new dimensions of pleasure.

Resources:

The following resources offer a variety of perspectives and in-depth information on BDSM practices, enhancing your understanding and experience of forced orgasms, orgasm on command, and edging.

Books

"The Ultimate Guide to Kink: BDSM, Role Play and the Erotic Edge" by Tristan Taormino

"Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life" by Emily Nagoski

"Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the Twenty-First Century" by Barbara Carrellas

Educational Video

YouTube Channels like "Sexplanations" by Dr. Lindsey Doe

"Pleasure Mechanics"

Forums and Discussion Boards

Fetlife

Reddit – BDSM Community

Reddit – Sex Community

A Brief History of Pride A Brief History of Pride Month & The Impact On Month & The Impact On

Today's Society Today's Society

Pride Month, celebrated annually in June, is a time to honor the LGBTQ+ community’s struggles, triumphs, and ongoing fight for equality. Its origins can be traced back to the Stonewall Riots of June 1969, a pivotal moment in LGBTQ+ history that sparked the modern LGBTQ+ rights movement.

Prior to the Stonewall Riots, LGBTQ+ individuals faced widespread discrimination, harassment, and violence. Police raids on gay bars were common occurrences, and societal stigma kept many LGBTQ+ people living in fear and secrecy. However, on the night of June 28, 1969, patrons of the Stonewall Inn, a popular gay bar in New York City, fought back against a police raid, igniting days of protests and demonstrations. These events marked a turning point, galvanizing the LGBTQ+ community and leading to the formation of activist groups and organizations fighting for LGBTQ+ rights.

BY: HOTDILF

In the years following Stonewall, the last Sunday in June became known as Gay Pride Day, with marches and celebrations held in cities across the United States. Over time, this single day of commemoration expanded into Pride Month, a month-long celebration of LGBTQ+ identity, culture, and activism.

Pride Month has a multitude of purposes. Firstly, it is a time for LGBTQ+ individuals to celebrate their identities and express themselves authentically. Pride parades, festivals, and events provide spaces for LGBTQ+ people to come together, find community, and celebrate their diversity. These gatherings are not only joyful occasions but also serve as acts of resistance against the ongoing discrimination and marginalization faced by the LGBTQ+ community.

Secondly, Pride Month is a platform for advocacy and activism. It is a time to raise awareness about the issues affecting LGBTQ+ individuals, including discrimination, violence, healthcare disparities, and legal inequality. Through education, advocacy campaigns, and grassroots organizing, Pride Month helps mobilize support for LGBTQ+ rights and social justice.

Moreover, Pride Month has had a profound impact on society at large. It has played a crucial role in shifting public attitudes towards LGBTQ+ people and issues. As Pride celebrations have become more visible and mainstream, they have helped humanize LGBTQ+ experiences and challenge stereotypes and prejudices. This increased visibility has also empowered many LGBTQ+ individuals to live openly and proudly, contributing to greater acceptance and inclusion in society.

Pride Month remains a vital and necessary tradition. It serves as a reminder of the progress that has been made in the fight for LGBTQ+ rights, while also highlighting the work that still needs to be done. Pride Month is a testament to the resilience, strength, and diversity of the LGBTQ+ community, and its impact on today’s society cannot be overstated. As we continue to celebrate Pride Month each June, let us recommit ourselves to the ongoing struggle for equality, justice, and liberation for all.

An alternative lifestyle means living according to what suits my authentic self the best. Society has many constructs that confine and restrict the organic flow of life. Religion was a major part of that for me. Dating men was out of the question for so long. I’m so glad I found my way out of tha world.

WHATISYOURSEXUALORIENTATION?

I’ve been gay since as long as I can remember. Even despite conversion therapy and repeated attempts at dating women, I’ve only ever been attracted to men.

HOWLONGHAVEYOUBEENLIVINGANALTLIFE? WHATATTRACTEDYOUTOIT?

I’ve been living an alt life for about four years. I was deeply closeted and cosplaying as a straight person to avoid the ostracism I knew would come. I came out so I could finally be myself and enjoy being me.

My alt life is simply being an out and proud gay man. The world I left behind and most of my important relationships don’t acknowledge gay people as valid. So embodying my sexuality and living into it is considered alternative to my former way of life. HOWWOULDDOYOUDEFINEYOURALTLIFE?

WHATISYOURBIGGEST TURNON?

BULKY BUILD BULKY BUILD BULKY BUILD AND AND AND KINDNESS KINDNESS KINDNESS

HOWDIDYOURALTLIFEJOURNEYBEGIN?

When I came out, I quickly realized I needed to When I came out, I quickly I needed to leave the Evangelical community. Purity culture leave the Evangelical community. Purity culture leave had a chokehold on my sexuality and I needed had a chokehold on my sexuality and I needed on my permission to find myself Apart from it. permission to find myself Apart from it. from I hope to get into a long-term relationship. lol how is that for alternative?

WHATISONETHINGONYOURBUCKET LISTYOUHOPETODOTHISYEAR?

WHATISYOUR BIGGESTTURNOFF?

BAD BAD BAD HYGIENE HYGIENE

WHATISYOUR FAVORITEFOOD? A TIE BETWEEN A TIE BETWEEN TIE PIZZA AND SUSHI PIZZA AND SUSHI PIZZA SUSHI

My guilty pleasure is binge watching an entire series in a day or two. WHATISYOURGUILTYPLEASURE?

WHATISYOURFAVORITEVANILLAACTIVITY?WHY? My favorite vanilla activity is cuddling. I love being close to a guy I feel safe with and allowing my nervous system to be regulated and in sync with his rhythm.

HOWISONEWAYYOUAREFIGHTING TOHELPSTOPTHESTIGMAYOUR ALTLIFEPRESENTSINSOCIETY?

I create advocacy I create advocacy create content, both on content, both on social media and media and and on my podcast. on my podcast.

WHATISONELESSONYOUHAVELEARNED ONYOURALTLIFEJOURNEY?

Religious indoctrination is powerful and people believe things based on emotions and needs, not facts.

HASLIVINGANALTLIFEEFFECTED YOURVANILLALIFEINANEGATIVE WAYDUETOSTIGMAS,BIASEDOR DISCRIMINATION?ELABORATE,IFSO.

My sexual orientation has put a big My sexual orientation has put a big rift in my relationship with my rift in my relationship with my parents. They’re both still deeply parents. They’re both still deeply Evangelical and ashamed that I’m Evangelical and ashamed that I’m not st not st

WHATISONETHINGWECANDOASA COMMUNITYTOSUPPORTEACHOTHER BETTER?

CONFRONT ANY FORM OF CONFRONT ANY FORM OF OF HETEROSEXISM OR HOMOPHOBIA HETEROSEXISM OR HOMOPHOBIA HOMOPHOBIA WHEN IT REARS ITS UGLY HEAD IN WHEN IT REARS ITS UGLY HEAD IN WHEN UGLY HEAD YOUR PRESENCE. WE CAN ALL HOLD YOUR PRESENCE. WE CAN ALL HOLD YOUR WE ALL HOLD THESE NASTY IDEAS ACCOUNTABLE THESE NASTY IDEAS ACCOUNTABLE THESE NASTY IDEAS AND DRIVE THEM BACK INTO THE AND DRIVE THEM BACK INTO THE DRIVE INTO THE DARKNESS WHERE THEY CAME FROM. DARKNESS WHERE THEY CAME FROM. DARKNESS WHERE CAME

ISTHEREANYTHINGADDITIONALYOUWOULDLIKE THEALTLIFECOMMUNITYTOKNOWABOUTYOU?

I still run in Progressive Christian spaces and seek to educate evangelicals of the harm their beliefs inflict on people like me.

THE WEEK OF VISIBILITY IS A MOVEMENT-WIDE ACTIVITY COORDINATED BY OPEN

The global Week of Visibility is a movement-wide week of action that aims to amplify non-monogamous voices, identities, and experiences in order to dismantle stereotypes and promote acceptance. Launched in 2023 as a Day of Visibility, this year’s celebration is being expanded into a full week to create more space to educate, advocate, and celebrate! The Week of Visibility is being organized by participants from across the non-monogamy movement, with coordination by OPEN (Organization for Polyamory and Ethical Non-monogamy).

Why Visibility Matters

In a world where non-monogamy remains highly stigmatized and misunderstood, visibility is a powerful tool for promoting acceptance. That’s because people are more likely to accept groups and identities when they see or know people from those communities! The Week of Visibility for Nonmonogamy is an opportunity to stand up and speak out about our identities and experiences. By spotlighting and humanizing diverse family and relationship structures, we can foster understanding and acceptance in order to build a more inclusive and loving world.

How to Participate

The Week of Visibility for Non-monogamy is a shared movement week of action with many ways to celebrate! We’re creating a range of resources and activities to help you and your community get involved and take action. Here are some of the ways you can plug in today to help make this year’s Week of Visibility for Non-monogamy a success!

Spread the Word!

Send a save the date to your community and networks to ensure wide-reaching participation.

https://www.weekofvisibility.com/promotionaltoolkit

Plan an In-Person Event

Host a local event to celebrate and educate. Register your event here, and we will provide you with a guide to help plan and promote your event. All registered events will be listed in the event directory on www.weekofvisibility.com.

Sign On as an Endorser

Show your support by adding your organization, brand, or name to the list of endorsers on our website. Use the Endorser Form to sign on. Your logo and website link will be displayed alongside other supporters from the non-monogamy movement.

Together, we can pave the way for a world where non-monogamous families and relationships are not just accepted but celebrated. Your involvement can make a significant difference in promoting visibility, understanding, and acceptance!

Questions, comments, feedback? Write us at weekofvisibility@open-love.org! You can also learn more and find all the ways to get involved here.

BY LEA ROSE

Traditional 6-Stripe Flag

Red – Life

Orange – Healing

Yellow – Sunlight

Green – Nature

Blue – Serenity

Violet – Spirit of the LGBTQIA+ People

Pansexual Flag

Pink – Attraction to Women

Blue – Attraction to Men

Yellow – Non-Binary

Transgender Flag

Blue – Traditional Boy Color

Pink – Traditional Pink Color

White –

Intersex/Transitioning/Undef ined Gender

Non-Binary Flag

Yellow – Gender Outside of The Binary

White – Multiple/All Genders

Purple – Those Between Male/Female Binary

Black – No Gender

Bisexual Flag

Pink – Attraction to Same Gender

Blue – Attraction to Opposite Gender

Purple – Attraction to Two Genders (the mixing of the Pink and Blue color stripes)

Progress Pride Flag (current, most common flag)

Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue, Violet – Same as Traditional 6 Stripe

White, Pink and Light Blue –Transgender Flag Incorporation

Brown – Persons of Color

Black – Represents The Thousands Lost During the HIV/AIDS Crisis on the 1980s and 1990s

ADVICE TIONS

BY: AEROROSES & EVILLE1984

{Eville1984 & Aeroroses have been together for 17+ years and married for 12 years Our lifestyle journey began in November 2022 and quickly evolved, giving us experience in full swaps, group play, threesomes, hotwife/hothusband, and same-sex play styles

QUESTION: QUESTION:

We’re a married couple who’ve both had desires to play with We’re a married couple who’ve both had desires to play with people of the same sex since entering the lifestyle. We’re worried people of the same sex since entering the lifestyle. We’re worried that having same sex partners could change our feelings about that having same sex partners could change our feelings about each other or that we could lose current friends/play partners if we each other or that we could lose current friends/play partners if we engage in male on male play. Did you experience any fall out from engage in male on male play. Did you experience any fall out from same sex experiences? same sex experiences?

To simply answer your question; no we did not experience any fallout in our marriage or with our friends. However, we think this question deserves a more in depth discussion on why a married couple in the LS would even worry about this to begin with. Afterall, we entered the lifestyle to explore fantasies and engage in sex with other people. So why does the idea of having same sex relations change any of that and make us question our own sexualities or feelings about our partners? We think the simple reason is because bisexuality and homosexuality has been so stigmatized in our society throughout our lives (moreso with men) and it’s hard to get negative ideas about it out of our heads. So to better help you understand why we didn’t have any fallout, we’ll both explain our experiences and the discussions we had with each other.

HEREXPERIENCE

Prior to being married or entering the LS, I had a few girl-girl experiences as a teenager and young adult. These experiences didn’t involve anything more than kissing or light touching, none of which involved genitals. It was your typical college girl show off in front of guys type of thing. However, I often had thoughts of playing with my female friends when masturbating. It turned me on more than thinking of men.

I never discussed those thoughts with my husband until way late in our marriage and he was absolutely accepting of it. After entering the LS, neither of us discussed the idea of same sex play. I think it was just assumed that we would full swap with another heterosexual couple and each play with the other’s spouse. However, our very first experience ended up being with an (amazing) couple with a bisexual female. Up until that night, I had only kissed some women we’d met during the event weekend. Now we were in a room with a couple getting ready for our first swap and as we were discussing boundaries, she asked about playing with me. I was nervous because I’d never done this, but was open to it. We decided that she could go down on me, but I did not want to go down on her. And the experience was amazing! What started as a soft-swap ended in a fullswap where I played with another woman and really enjoyed it.

From there, it was a few months before I engaged with another woman again, but each time I was more and more into it. And my husband loved it. Eventually, I took my first “dive” and the rest is history

…. sort of. With any new experience we have, there’s always a discussion that takes place between us afterwards, to check in with each other and how we felt about it. He was comfortable with me engaging with women and I wanted to try more. My struggle was in thinking that I needed to identify my sexuality in another way now. And if I proclaimed to be bisexual would I be dishonoring real bisexual women – you know, the ones who REALLY love to be with other women and favor them over men? At this point, I’ve stopped worrying about the labels and what others would think. I like women and I like to play with them, but I still prefer men, and in my opinion, this makes me bisexual.

The discussion with my husband engaging in bisexual male play was of course a little different. I really had no idea this was something he ever thought about exploring. I think he had more concerns about doing it than I did because of the stigmas around it and because he worried I’d feel differently about him. I wanted to fully support him in experiencing something new, even though I had no idea how I would feel about it afterwards. So we discussed and I ensured him that nothing he tried would change our marriage or how I look at him. The best outcome would be that I enjoyed watching him and the worst would be that I didn’t like it and didn’t want to watch it again. And if the worst happened, we’d talk about it and how to proceed from there.

I first brought the idea of wanting to explore same sex play to her while out on a date together a few months into our LS journey. We were having drinks at a local speakeasy, sitting in a booth with a nice view over downtown. I’m not even sure how the subject got brought up to start, but feeling comfortable and loose from a few cocktails, I mentioned that trying play with another man is something that I was curious about, and now that it was a possibility, is that something that she would be ok with us pursuing? I asked this with full awareness that bi-male interaction can be a very touchy subject, even in a sexually open community in the first quarter of the 21st century. To my pleasant surprise, she said she would fully support me in exploration. Great!... Now what?

This affirmation gave me the ability to figure out how I wanted to pursue this. The ball was effectively in my court. I’d be lying if I said this didn’t cause months of internal struggle. This was something that was always a non-possibility and was now very much the opposite. I mean, this changes my identity, right? That right there was the biggest struggle I had. I spent the past 39 years a heterosexual male. That’s 100% of my lifetime. That’s a lot. Jumping ahead with hindsight, I was too hung up on a new experience changing my identity. I was worried that breaking into a new dynamic would effectively erase who I was up to that point and I’d have to re-identify. Not only that, but I had concerns about how established play partners would take the news if I told th something I enjoyed. I was w acquaintances in the LS that w we would love to play with som worried this could close a lot o mindset stuck with me throu experience, which I was very have with someone that was understanding of my position have provided a better expe wide eyed new lad to the ma dynamic. It also turned out t found it very hot to watch! HUG

The main point I want to address, and I feel this is likely the main hangup for other men that are curious and want to explore, is the internal struggle of “does this change my identity and who I have been up to this point?” The answer is absolutely “no.” I personally think we place too much weight on labels, which can pigeonhole you - and prevent you from expressing yourself beyond the boundaries of that label. In the end, you are your sexuality. You are complex and dynamic, and you have the full freedom to explore and experience everything that you and your partner agree is within your boundaries.

BEYONDTHEEXPERIENCES

Our marriage didn’t suffer in any way from our exploration with same-sex play. The dynamic actually enhanced our sex lives and allowed us to have more experiences with a broader range of people than if we had only ever engaged with heterosexual couples. To be clear, we like everyone! Being bisexual is not a requirement for either of us to engage in play with you. We are accepting of whatever style is best for you and your partner.

Our feelings towards each other didn’t change. We both want the other person to keep having more of these experiences. Telling our heterosexual LS male friends was probably the most nerve-wracking part because we didn’t want to lose any of them as play partners, but most importantly, as friends. Not surprisingly though, everyone we told was accepting. Some weren’t even surprised! And we’ve continued to be able to play with all of them. We respect boundaries with the ones who don’t share our sexual preferences and this is what keeps the relationships going.

So we would encourage you to discuss your feelings with each other in depth, thinking about what your real concerns are before engaging in same sex play. Make sure you’re both on the same page and understand that even if there’s fallout with some friends, your marriage and what makes you happy is more important.

Have a question or seeking some advice? Submit your anonymous questions to us via the Swinger Society Discord under #MagazineChat and find the link to submit under the pinned posts; or go to https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/RMDWQTV

T H E V I E W

F R O M T H E

L E D G E

BY: DENISE HOLT

Overtheyears,wehavemetmany couples who were milling around the lifestyle pool, always loaded with questions. Should they stick their toes in the kiddie pool? Should they jump into the deep end? Wherever the initial questions lead, I always go back to the basics: bringing other people into your happy couple’s sex life is like walking out on the ledge of a ten-story building. The view is spectacular. The experience is exhilarating. And if you aren’t careful, someone is goingtogethurt.

Sharing a spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend with a lover is anexperiencethatisimpossibleto describe well enough that others can ever fully understand it. In some ways, it’s a giving, loving, intimate experience. Yet, at the same time, it often brims with fears, doubts, and insecurities. If that is the case, you may ask, why would you do it? Well, did I mentiontheview?

is exhilarating. The view is spectacular. The experience

E V

R Y J O U R N E Y

I N T O T H E

L I F E S T Y L E I S U N I Q U E

Your experience may have some common themes and similar experiences as others, but at the end of the day, your journey is yours alone. Having said that, if youareinthisworldforanylength of time, one common experience is guaranteed: hurt feelings. Now, before you race to smack the cause of the hurt feelings, or call a divorce attorney, remember onething:youwalkedoutonthat ledgetogether.

Knowing that this situation looms large for any couple, here are a few things to focus on to minimize the bumps in the road ahead. Constantly work at communicating. I know this is the advice you will hear more than anything else. But there is a good and obvious reason for it. It will make or break your future in the lifestyle – and possibly the longterm success of your relationship. The state of play last month may not be the same today. Relationships – and feelings – are dynamic.

Constantly communicating

at work

Set clear limits and boundaries and revisit them often, especially in the early years. And always listen to the little voice in your head. If something, anything, doesn’t feel right about a situation or another person, don’t ignore it. Youshouldn’thavetounderstand whyyoudon’tfeelcomfortable.It doesn’t have to “make sense.” If you don’t feel comfortable, you don’t feel comfortable. End of story. Will it disappoint your

It isn’t surprising that it is often something we lack as a lover that makes us most insecure when someone else provides it for our mate. It doesn’t matter what it is: they are black, white, Asian, Hispanic, well-hung, big breasts, small rear, enormous rear, short, tall, tiny, large, young, old, you name it. What matters to us is that we don’t have it, and our spouse seems to be enjoying it. A lot.

But here is the funny part. What is the one thing that the lifestyle offers your spouse, the one thing that everyone on the planet can offer them that you can’t? They’re not you. And be surprised, the same goes for you.

So, the next time a slight twinge of jealousy blindsides you when you see your husband relishing in a pair of enormous breasts, stop for a second before reacting. Take a moment to wrap your brain around the situation. Yes, he is having a little too much fun, but he doesn’t get to play with them at home, so … good for him. He should enjoy them while he can.

Besides, your chance will come Did you see the six-pack on the twenty-something who just walked through the door? You have something his girlfriend could never offer him: you’re not her. So, go get him.