BEHIND THE SCENES
SWINGER SOCIETY OWNERS
EDITORS
LAYOUT & DESIGN
JORDON
CHARLIE
PAUL
DAN & LACY
SWING NATION
JEFF & ERYNN
W H A L T
L I F E ?
You may be wondering why we’v decided to launch a magazine. That’s fair question! If you’re familiar with us you know that we host one of the nation’s top podcasts on non-monogamy and get millions of views monthly on social platforms like TikTok, Instagram, and Clapper.
So why add something else to our plate and start a digital magazine? The truth is, ALT Life Magazine isn’t about us. It’s about you and the community of people who have a message to share and need a platform to do it.
This magazine is for people who may not be able to put themselves out there publicly on social media due to fear of judgment and backlash. Our journey since 2021 into becoming social media influencers for the alternative lifestyle community, the one thing that’s remained consistent is the community and the people that encompass it.
are some of e people on the planet. The world needs to hear your stories, to get to know you, to fall in love with you like we have.
Our hope is that if they can see you for who you truly are, then perhaps the hate, the stigma, and the discrimination will come to an end.
We believe one of the best ways to do that is to do what we’ve pledged to do from the beginning; to shine a little light on the community.
So, we’d like to encourage all of you to contribute, to share your stories, to be heard.
We want you to be able to show the world how truly amazing and valuable this community is. We hope that one day we can all come out of the darkness and not have to live in fear.
TTHANK HANK YYOU! OU!
the lifestyle can also be an unexpected the lifestyle can also be an unexpected tturn-on. urn-on.
October’s done, and with Halloween night so recent, it’s been a season for scares But let’s talk about the real fears ones we face as single males in the lifestyle Is it the looming threat of “friendly fire” from another guy? Or maybe the dangers of indulging in chilli or tacos at the party buffet? Trust me, both can get messy.
In my years of navigating this community, I’ve experienced my fair share of funny, awkward, and downright terrifying moments. And yes, at the top of the list for most single males is the infamous *“friendly fire”* situation. For those who haven’t had the pleasure, I’m talking about that moment when things get a little too close for comfort with another guy What do you do? Do you keep going and pretend it didn’t happen? Do you jump up and scream like you just saw a spider?
Let me tell you, I’ve been there. And one thing’s for sure it’s not easy cleanup
By G, your Friendly Neighborhood Single Male
LIFESTYLE
So how does one prepare for what might be a potential nightmare? Goggles for eye protection? A full-body suit with strategic cutouts? You laugh, but it’s not the craziest idea!
There was this one time that I had an accidental discharge yeah, it happens and the other guy got hit in the thigh Now, this is where things got interesting. Like an absolute champ, he just reached down, grabbed what he could of the situation (literally), and handed it to his wife. In that moment, I was at a loss. Should I have been grossed out? Embarrassed? The truth is ...I was kind of turned on.
And that’s when it hit me: maybe our fears aren’t as scary as we think. Maybe, just maybe, what freaks us out in the lifestyle can also be an unexpected turn-on. After all, this world is full of surprises.
So what do you think? What’s scarier to potential for friendly fire or facing unexpected reactions?
U N D E R S T A N D I N G T H E A L L U R E O F E L E C T R O S T I M U L A T I O N Part
2
Violet Wands:
BY NE
A violet wand is a handheld electrical device that generates a high-frequency, lowamperage electrical current. When activated, it emits a purplish or violet light, which gives the device its name. The wand produces a static-like charge that can be felt when it comes into contact with the skin or when brought near a conductive object, such as a metal tool or an attachment made specifically for the wand.
The wand consists of two main parts: The Base Unit
This is the body of the wand that houses the electrical components. It is plugged into a standard electrical outlet and contains the controls for adjusting the intensity of the electrical output.
Why use violet wands in bdsm?
Unique Sensations: The violet wand can produce a wide range of sensations, from mild tingling and warming to sharp stinging and intense zaps. The variability makes it appealing to both beginners and more experienced players.
Visual and Auditory Stimuli: The violet wand is not only about the physical sensation but also the visual and auditory experience. The glowing light and buzzing sound can add to the atmosphere and anticipation, enhancing the psychological aspects of play.
The
Glass Electrodes
These are the attachments that are inserted into the wand. They come in various shapes and sizes, each designed to create different sensations. When the wand is turned on, the electrode glows and emits electrical arcs.
Versatility in Play: The violet wand can be used in various ways and combined with other BDSM activities like bondage, impact play, or sensation play. It can be used directly on the skin, through clothes, or even across the surface of objects, allowing for creative play scenarios.
Psychological Thrill: The unpredictability of the sensation and the anticipation it creates can be a significant psychological thrill for both the person wielding the wand and the person receiving the stimulation. This dynamic can enhance the power exchange between partners, making the experience more intense and satisfying.
How to Use a Violet Wand in BDSM
Preparation and Setup:
Inspect the Equipment: Before using a violet wand, ensure all components, including the base unit, cords, and electrodes, are in good working condition. Check for any visible damage, such as cracks in the glass electrodes or frayed cords.
Clean the Electrodes: Clean the glass electrodes with a soft, damp cloth to remove any dust or debris. This helps maintain the electrodes' effectiveness and prevents any contamination during play.
Set Up in a Safe Space: Ensure the area where you’re playing is dry and free from any conductive materials that could inadvertently cause a shock. Avoid using the wand near metal surfaces or on wet skin, as this can amplify the electrical current and cause unintended sensations.
hoosing the Right Electrodes and Attachments
ass Electrodes: These come in various shapes and es, such as mushroom, comb, or rake electrodes. The ape and size can affect the intensity and area of mulation. For example, a mushroom electrode sperses the charge over a larger area for a gentler nsation, while a rake electrode can concentrate the nsation in specific spots for more intense mulation.
onductive Accessories: Some violet wands come th conductive accessories like metal paddles, ggers, or chain-mail gloves. These attachments can used to create indirect stimulation by transferring e electrical current through the metal, allowing for eative and varied play.
Exploring Different Techniques:
Direct Contact: Hold the wand so that the electrode makes direct contact with the skin. This is the most straightforward use of the wand and allows for precise control over the area being stimulated.
Indirect Contact: The person holding the wand can use their body as a conductor by holding a metal attachment or chain. This way, when they touch their partner, the electrical current flows through them, creating an indirect but still intense sensation.
Combining with Other Play: A violet wand can be used alongside other BDSM activities, such as during rope bondage (electrical currents can create unique sensations along the ropes) or impact play (adding electrical stimulation before, after, or between strikes to enhance the experience).
Starting with Low Intensity:
Begin Gently: Start with the lowest setting on the wand to gauge the receiver's tolerance and comfort. Slowly increase the intensity as needed, keeping communication open to ensure a pleasurable experience.
Test the Sensation: Before using the wand on a partner, test it on yourself to understand the sensations it produces and how to control the intensity. This helps prevent unintentional discomfort or injury during play.
Safety
Considerations When Using a Violet Wand
Avoid Sensitive Areas: Do not use the violet wand on the face, near the eyes, or over the chest and heart, as this can pose serious health risks. Avoid using it on anyone with pacemakers or other electronic implants.
Stay Clear of Moisture and Metal: Water and metal can conduct electricity more effectively, increasing the risk of unintended shocks. Ensure the skin is dry and free from any conductive materials before use.
Monitor Skin Reactions: Watch for signs of irritation, burns, or allergic reactions, particularly when using the wand on sensitive skin or for prolonged periods. Redness, itching, or discomfort can indicate that the stimulation is too intense or that the person’s skin is reacting to the electrical current.
Proper Aftercare: After a session with a violet wand, engage in aftercare to ensure both partners feel comfortable and cared for. This might include checking the skin for irritation, applying a soothing lotion, and discussing the experience to address any emotional or psychological needs.
Advanced Violet Wand Techniques
Predicament Play:
Use the violet wand to create a predicament where the submissive must maintain a certain position or behavior to avoid receiving an electric shock. For example, placing an electrode near a sensitive area and instructing the submissive to keep still adds a psychological challenge to the physical sensation.
Interactive Sensation Play:
Incorporate the violet wand into sensory deprivation scenes. Blindfolding or restraining the submissive while using the wand can enhance the element of surprise and heighten the sensations, making the experience more intense and immersive.
Layered Electroplay:
Combine the violet wand with various other electrostimulation devices, such as TENS units, to create layered sensations. This can increase the complexity and intensity of the scene, allowing for a wide range of experiences from gentle tingling to intense zapping.
Tips for Starting Hard Conversations
Hard conversations can be… well, hard!
It’s never easy to bring up uncomfortable conversations… but just because we don’t like to, doesn’t mean we don’t need to.
BY: DR ELIZABETH FEDRICK IG: @DRELIZABETHFEDRICK
I’ve provided lots of tips in the past about effective ways and necessary communication skills to have hard conversations.
However, there is another side to this.
First, there are actually many times when we bring up hard conversations… when it maybe wasn’t necessary to bring up at all or maybe not at that particular time.
Secondly, there are also times when we bring up hard conversations without a goal or objective in mind… and/or do it in a way that ultimately causes more harm than good.
Before starting a hard conversation… ask yourself:
g Love in the lifestyle
e, we are acutely aware of the stigmas and prejudices around us concerning the dynamics of love and in a swinging or open relationship. People will say are habitual cheaters, beholden only to their carnal ut true respect for their partner or the people they most in their lives. Of course, those of us with n the lifestyle can tell you that there is more than enough capacity in the human heart and mind for passionate, committed love AND outlets to explore sexuality, desire, and pleasure with others. We are here to tell you a story that we think serves as evidence: the story of us.
We are Andrew and Jes. For those on the Swinger Society discord server and various social media platforms, you may know us from our online names: Pop Punk Pineapple and SwingerbellJes. We met in the lifestyle. In the Fall of 2021, we came across the Swing Nation podcast from Dan and Lacy, and soon found out about a fresh new community they had created on Discord called the Swinger Society. Andrew joined just a few weeks before Jes did. We quickly had a rapport and soon discovered we grew up just 70 miles apart but had never come across each other until we met through the Swinger Society Discord server.
Although we had grown up not terribly far apart, Andrew’s career had taken him far from the town where he was born and raised, and as it turned out, much farther from Jes. She was in Kansas City while he was in Miami FL Our first meeting was as a
The first meeting went well. Extraordinarily well. There was an instant connection for both of us, and the physicality and sexual energy of each person met the needs of the other. That first meeting was about two hours, and yes, we did find time to actually talk to each other amidst multiple rounds of fun playtime. Andrew remembers two things most of all from that fateful day: (1) when she opened the door and he walked right in to kiss her with the passion she had talked about needing in her life; (2) he remembers teasing her a bit after their first play session that he could tell she was a smoker. Jes was a bit distraught (she thought she had REALLY gotten rid of any smell or taste) but Andrew let her know it didn’t phase him at all. That’s about the time round two started! Jes remembers three things: (1) Andrew taking off her complicated bra with ease (Jes has quite the bust and requires quite the bra to keep those babies up), (2) the shower they took before they were finished, and (3) walking around the theme park afterward, knowing she had a clear red handprint on her ass, worried that her shorts were too short and someone she knew would see!
As an aside, while we both acknowledge that the sex was phenomenal, it’ s funny how it’ s other things about that first meeting that stand out in our minds. We think that speaks to just how much there was a connection for us that went beyond the physical.
About a month later, the holidays were coming around and Andrew was headed home to see his family, and Jes agreed to meet him twice more that week for some hotel fun. Fun was certainly had. Fantasies were fulfilled. Sexual boundaries were explored and they both discovered their shared passion for hydrating! For those on the Discord server at the time, there was a running joke of how many water bottles we would get through over the course of a weekend. Jes was starting to fly out to Miami and other locations to meet Andrew, and it wasn’t very long at all before we recognized that our connection was much deeper than physical passion; we were beginning to fall in love.
Andrew’s work took him to the Northern Virginia region, and Jes made commitments to travel to meet him about once a month. This was supplemented by Andrew’s own trips home to visit family. By the new year, we had decided that we were going to be together for the long haul. In June of 2023, Andrew’s job moved him (quite unexpectedly) to Las Vegas, NV. Jes never questioned it for a second. We knew we would be happy together. So, Andrew drove his (relatively few) possessions mostly down I-70 to Kansas City, where they got a U-Haul with a trailer, and packed Jes’ (relatively many) possessions for the trip to Las Vegas.
Since we have been here, we have learned what it is like to live together, to compromise, to adapt to one another, and more than anything, how to communicate in person. For the many months we were together but separated by so many miles, we habitually talked on the phone and video chatted daily – sometimes for hours and hours on end. Because Andrew is a stubborn Android phone user, and Jes a stubborn iPhone user, we had to use another messaging app for our video calls, but we made it work. We believe that having to pack our important conversations into those video calls taught us the value of communication in a unique way and paved the way for our ability to communicate as a cohabiting couple.
The lifestyle was always a part of our lives, whether we were together or separate. When we were apart for a few weeks, we engaged in solo opportunities in the lifestyle. We went on a few dates but had rules for what had to be communicated before. We would make clear plans with each other and the person(s) we were intending to meet and play with. Condoms would always be used. If the other party were willing (they almost always were), we would take photos and videos and send them to each other. These became RICH troves of data for our “spank banks!” When we were together, we took opportunities to bring in 3rd parties or other couples for full swap experiences. We also managed to attend a club and multiple house parties while Jes was visiting Virginia. Of course, we also prioritized meeting up with our great friends in the Swinger Society when we could. We traveled to Secrets Hideaway in Kissimmee, FL for the Society takeovers and made a trip down to Nashville to party with the group at The Red Room.
As many couples have, we experienced situations that made one or both of us uncomfortable. We had to learn how to express our feelings honestly and limit our judgment of the other person for things that happened in rare, uncomfortable scenarios. These experiences became amazing opportunities for growth for both of us and brought us closer each time. We learned how to communicate in crowded situations if we weren’t interested in playing with the people with whom we were talking. We learned how to communicate that we were “ready to go” if a play session had run its course. We discovered the excitement of reliving our swaps or solo play sessions together.
After a year in Las Vegas, we have settled into our daily work and family routines and found a healthy balance for how the lifestyle fits into our lives. We’ve been fortunate to discover that, here in the Nevada desert, there is not only a robust lifestyle community of locals but a continuous stream of adventurous travelers excited to welcome a couple into their hotel room or meet at a day/night lifestyle party. Like many things in life, we have learned that the lifestyle offers ups and downs. There are times we are particularly successful in finding women with whom to play. When that happens, Andrew will arrange for a single male to pop over and take care of Jes – and for her birthday, he successfully arranged a gangbang.
When Jes has found herself practically sated with enough male attention to fill Lake Mead, we work together to create more opportunities to get Andrew’s needs met.
Through it all, we continue to rediscover our love for each other. We experience compersion at a deep emotional level, appreciating the talents of each other in the bedroom and enjoying watching our partner experience pleasure from new friends. We have refined our wants in our lifestyle experience and can usually pick out the people our partner would be interested in even before they have seen them walk by. It hasn’t all been easy. We have canceled and been canceled on. We have been let down in the bedroom with people we were excited to play with. We have even seen some drama emerge, though only once or twice. We carry on though, knowing that the experiences we share in the lifestyle meet unique needs for both of us. We love being part of each other’s journey in life and in the lifestyle.
In March, at the Swinger Society takeover at Secrets in Kissimmee, Andrew proposed and Jes said YES! In July, we were married at a beautiful and small sunset ceremony on a beach in Carlsbad, CA. Part of Jes’ vows was that she wanted nothing to really change about our relationship. We have kept true to that. We live our lives, and find our outlets to experience the lifestyle for everything it can offer us.
Our story is unique, if not singular. To meet someone in the lifestyle and find love is a rare thing. One place our story is not unique is that we have met so many incredible people in the lifestyle that we are proud to call friends. The Swinger Society has given us so much, and we are so thankful to Dan, Lacy, the staff, and the members of the Swinger Society for being part of our story.
-With Love: Andrew & Jes
Getting the Scope on Makeup and Skincare
One of the most asked questions I get as a makeup artist is how to get makeup to look like skin. And a lot of people do not like the answer Because it's a very simple answer Your base is always going to be the most important part of how makeup applies, and by base I mean your skin.
Skincare is one of the top things skipped over by women and men It is actually the most important part! SPF and skincare will always be the most important part of having a flawless base for makeup, and will always make your makeup absorb more into the skin instead of sitting on top of the skin. When I say SPF I mean year-round people! Your skin can still burn even in the winter months.
BY: JEANA
One thing that is a common misconception is that skin care is expensive. Some of the best skincare i have used is from Walmart. The brands Cerave and Cetaphil are so inexpensive and not packed with a ton of ingredients or fragrance. It is very sensitive-skin friendly and extremely effective.
I know one of the daunting issues people have is what should I buy?
There are so many products anywhere from cleansing to serums to toners and so much more. But I promise you do not need every single skincare product to achieve good skin My top 3 recommendations are: a good solid cleanser a moisturizer, and a sunscreen
And of course you can add in things like serums, toners and exfoliates. But they are not an end all be all. Other tips I also tell people are that hydration is so important in skincare. Your skin is your biggest organ and should be being nourished just like all your other organs
Sleeping on a satin or silk pillowcase to help with tugging on your skin helps to prevent wrinkles. Making sure to change out your pillowcase weekly helps to prevent things like breakouts. We sweat in our sleep and drool. These things sit on the skin and clog pores. Try not switching out products constantly: give a product at least two weeks to see how your skin reacts.
Every month I am going to give tips and tricks on how to apply makeup for the beginners but also product recommendations that are both high-end and also cost efficient. But the best tip I can ever give as a makeup artist is take care of your skin, and anything can look flawless.
Tips for Staying Connected While Raising Kids
BY: GLORIOUSMESS
As parents, we know our children are our first priority. Their needs, schedules, and wellbeing are often the center of our world. However, it is essential not to lose sight of another meaningful relationship our partnership with our spouse or significant other. Maintaining a strong connection with your partner requires effort, especially when juggling the demands of parenthood. Here is how my partner and I have managed to make it work, finding balance between being present for our children while also nurturing our relationship.
One of the biggest challenges in maintaining our relationship is finding time for just the two of us We are fortunate to have grandparents who live close by and are always happy to take care of our little ones However, this was not always the case. In the past, we created a buddy system with a few close friends who were in the same situation as us.
We would switch off weekends where one couple would watch the kids, giving the other couple some much-needed time alone. This system worked wonders! Not only did it give us free time without worrying about babysitting costs, but it also allowed our children to have fun playdates. If you do not have family nearby, consider creating a similar support system with friends you trust.
2
Spending money on activities you enjoy as a couple can sometimes feel indulgent or bring on parental guilt We have found that budgeting is key to minimizing this guilt and ensuring that we can still enjoy quality time together. Sometimes, we cut out “extras” in our budget or opt for familyfriendly activities that are low-cost but still meaningful. For example, instead of ordering takeout, we will have a “make your own pizza” night with the kids. This allows us to spend time together as a family while saving money.
When we attend overnight events or go on date nights, we try to be mindful of costs by bringing our own food or participating in group meals where everyone chips in a part. Simple preparations, like crockpot meals for hotel stays, allow us to enjoy the experience without overspending on eating out.
3
As parents, it can feel awkward to explain why you’re taking time away for yourselves We have found that honesty (within reason) works best Our goto explanation is that we have friends from out of state who visit every few months, and we use that as an opportunity to hang out with our larger friend group. This story is simple and true although it does not reveal all the details of what we do
If you find yourself in a position where you need to create a story to avoid prying questions, think of something realistic that fits your situation. For us, the idea of traveling to reconnect as a couple has worked well. Eventually, people may ask more questions, and we are okay with that. If privacy is important to you, do a bit more research on where you are going and how to frame it when questions arise.
4
In today’s world, location-sharing apps are common among families, especially with older children or babysitters who might track your whereabouts for safety reasons. To avoid unnecessary questions about where we are or what we are doing, we make sure to turn off location settings on our phones when we need privacy. This helps us enjoy our time together without interruptions or concerns about our location being monitored.
Life with kids can be unpredictable
One of the most important lessons we have learned is to be flexible with our plans. We always reach an understanding with our friends and other couples we socialize with that our plans might not always come together due to the demands of parenthood. Whether it is a last-minute cancellation or needing to adjust timing, everyone has been understanding.
It is also crucial to give yourself grace when plans fall through. It is easy to get disappointed when things do not go as expected, but being adaptable helps maintain a positive attitude and prevents frustration from ruining your mood. Having kids means plans will change, but that does not mean you cannot still enjoy your time together when the opportunity arises.
The reality is, balancing one’s lifestyle and parenthood can be tricky, but it is entirely possible with a bit of creativity and flexibility Whether it is attending a local event for the night, meeting up with friends for a playdate, or planning a weekend getaway, prioritizing your relationship can enhance both your connection as a couple and your overall family dynamic.
The key is finding what works best for your family. If you have a solid support system, lean on it when needed. If you need to tweak your approach to budgeting or finding time, be open to those changes. With a little effort, both your relationship and your children can thrive simultaneously.
WHAT IS ONE THING ON YOUR BUCKET LIST YOU HOPE TO DO THIS YEAR?
We both want to experience We both want to experience HEDO! HEDO! WE LIVE IN... North of Atlanta on Lake North of Atlanta on Lake North
HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN LIVING AN ALT LIFE? WHAT ATTRACTED YOU TO IT?
We have been in the Lifestyle for almost three years. After a few conversations very early in our relationship, about sexuality and desires, we decided to visit a lifestyle club in Atlanta.
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE MUSIC?
Lauren- 2000's Hip Hop (Lil Wayne, Lil John... hell all the Lil's!)
AND RELATIONSHIP STATUS?
Davy - Straight. Davy - Straight. - Straight.
Lauren - Bisexual - I have Lauren - Bisexual - I have - - have always been bisexual however always been bisexual however bisexual however have never been able to fulfill have never been able to fulfill have able that desire openly until that desire openly until desire starting in the Lifestyle. Being starting in the Lifestyle. Being Being able to hold hands or be able to hold hands or be able affectionate with a girlfriend in affectionate with a girlfriend in public without being shamed public without being shamed without shamed or feeling awkward has been or feeling awkward has been has amazing. amazing.
HOW IS ONE WAY YOU ARE FIGHTING TO HELP STOP THE STIGMA YOUR ALTLIFE PRESENTS IN SOCIETY?
TURN ONS & OFFS
Biggest turn ons:
Lauren: Confidence
Davy: Beautiful Intelligent Women
Biggest turn offs:
Lauren: Huge Egos
Davy: Super Aggressive Women
WHAT'S YOUR GUILTY PLEASURE?
Lauren Lauren Lauren - Dipping my French fries - Dipping my French fries - Dipping my in a Wendy's Frosty in a Wendy's FrostyWendy's Frosty
Davy Davy Davy - Really good bourbon - Really good bourbon - Really
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FOOD?
Lauren Lauren - Margaritas' - Margaritas' (is that a food?) (is that a food?) food?)
Davy Davy Davy -- anything Italian anything Italian Italian
Has living an ALT Life affected your vanilla life in a negative way due to stigmas, bias or discrimination?
We have both been outted to family and that has been a struggle and caused tension at the very least. We also have been able to talk through the lifestyle with some family members and friends who are accepting and that has helped us to create stronger friendships with those people. We feel like we have also eliminated some of our vanilla friendships that seemed to be superficial at best when they found out about our lifestyle. This just helped us know who our true friends are.
WHAT IS ONE LESSON YOU HAVE LEARN ON YOUR ALT LIFE JOURNEY?
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE VANILLA ACTIVITY?
Lauren - Eating while traveling... so basically all the food in all the fun places.
Davy - Golf and travel as well.
WHAT IS ONE THING WE CAN DO AS A COMMUNITY TO SUPPORT EACH OTHER BETTER?
I am always encouraged when I read posts or see text threads I am always encouraged when I read posts or see text threads I encouraged when read posts see text threads where our friends are supporting each other in their daily where our friends are supporting each other in their daily are each in their daily struggles. Sometimes we have to remember that the struggles we struggles. Sometimes we have to remember that the struggles we we to struggles we go through can't be shared with just anyone. We are unique in our go through can't be shared with just anyone. We are unique in our shared with in Lifestyle and that brings unique issues and problems. Lifestyle and that brings unique issues and problems. Lifestyle and issues
One thing I really like is when I see posts asking questions like One thing I really like is when I see posts asking questions like really like I see posts asking questions like "What have you all done in this situation..." and then there are "What have you all done in this situation..." and then there are "What have done situation..." and are dozens of people who jump in and tell their stories and offer their dozens of people who jump in and tell their stories and offer their of people jump in and their offer advice or opinions. We all need to continue to do this. Not only is advice or opinions. We all need to continue to do this. Not only is advice to do this. is communication with our spouses or partners important, but also communication with our spouses or partners important, but also communication with our spouses partners but with each other. Ask the questions... answer the questions... give with each other. Ask the questions... answer the questions... give with each other. Ask questions... answer questions... advice when you have something to offer. We all need each other advice when you have something to offer. We all need each other advice when you have to need each to make it through life sometimes. Be that someone! to make it through life sometimes. Be that someone! to sometimes.
BY: ROBERT N KRAFT, PH D
Non-Monogamy Non-Monogamy
I explore the joys an media maker Sarah Stuteville, who produces the popular Seattle-based podcast, Mistakes Were Made, about relationships, politics, mental health, and non-monogamy.
Stuteville’s private practice specializing in therapy with LGBTQ+ and non-monogamous populations, the long-running podcast she hosts with her husband, and her own nonmonogamous marriage give her distinctive expertise in the diversity and complexity of polyamorous relationships.
What follows is an interview focusing on preparing for and potentially practicing consensual non-monogamy. Answers to the first question are separated into central themes.
Robert Kraft: What suggestions can you offer to people just beginning a non-monogamous relationship?
Therapy and Other Forms of Support
Sarah Stuteville: First, I suggest that if you have the resources, you invest in therapy. If you are a couple moving from monogamy to non-monogamy, I recommend a relationship therapist with experience working with polyamorous people. Whoever you are, it’s likely that the experience of exploring non-monogamy will bring up challenging feelings from communication style and attachment to identity and sexual expression.
What’s more, people who’ve spent much of adulthood as monogamous can find themselves emotionally thrust back into earlier stages of development, often around the time when they were last dating. This is an experience that's thrilling and full of discovery but also requires extra support.
In addition to therapy, support should come from building community with other non-monogamous people and safely talking about non-monogamy with friends and loved ones already in your life. Exploring polyamory in secret can be tempting because of the cultural judgment you might face, but doing it in isolation is far more difficult.
Moving Forward With Non-Monogamy
SS: I also encourage people to find a balance in pacing. Personally, I moved too quickly in my first years of polyamory and pushed my nervous system and boundaries to places that felt scary instead of exciting. But I also notice that some clients of mine keep poly exploration theoretical for so long that it becomes more intimidating as a result.
Stay close to what you’re ready for, but remember that experimenting and having fun is a big part of why you’re doing it. You’re allowed to try things and see how they feel.
And remember, especially for couples, that no two people’s pace is going to be the same. You’re not going to experience polyamory equally, and trying to have equal experiences can push people into activities that don’t feel right. Learning to tolerate the discomfort of a partner’s new experiences and relationships serves you better than busting through boundaries in an attempt to “keep up.”
Rules?
SS: And be careful about rules. When couples open up for the first time, it makes sense to want guardrails and agreements to help build communication and trust and a sense of safety. But I think inflexible rules like “don’t fall in love” or “tell me as soon as you’re chatting with someone in a dating app” can set people up to fail and break trust early on.
Regular Discussions
SS: One thing that my husband and I found really helpful in the beginning was to have a standing coffee date we called “Love and Money.” At this hour-long meeting once a week we caught each other up on where things were with other relationships and possible new connections. (We also used this meeting to make plans for going out with each other.) At the end, we’d talk finances and bills because that’s another easy target for our arguments.
Setting aside this time gave us a structure for transparency and communication regarding dating other people, and it also became something that connected the two of us.
Which reminds me, if you’re a couple opening up for the first time, don’t forget to keep doing things together! It can be tempting to outsource all of the sex and romance into other relationships but, unless that’s what you want, remember to schedule intentional time with each other.
Missteps
SS: As per the title of our podcast, Mistakes Were Made, be aware that non-monogamy is a new experience in intimate areas of your life and a relationship style that has little modeling. You’re going to make mistakes, and that’s OK. That’s how you’ll learn some of your most important lessons.
For example, I made the mistake of trying to keep us from falling in love. We both did anyway, and because I built it up as a betrayal, that meant falling in love caused more damage to our marriage (and to us as individuals) than it had to.
We can have well-communicated boundaries and expectations with partners and build containers for our relationships that feel the right size. But still, we can’t predict feelings and we need to tolerate change because people and relationships are always changing. Trying to control change creates more suffering, it doesn’t prevent it. That lesson, which I’m still learning, has been one of the most valuable of polyamory so far.
RK: People who practice non-monogamy can feel isolated, especially early in their relationships. What can they do to address familial and societal isolation?
SS: Finding community and support is necessary for building a polyamorous life. Fortunately, there are more and more meetup groups, happy hours, and social organizations gathering poly people together though more so in larger cities than in less urban areas.
Also, I believe dating apps can build this community, as long as your profile is clear that’s what you’re looking for. Other social media can also help people feel validated in their experiences. My husband is active on poly Reddit, and I’m on poly Instagram.
And I strongly encourage people to take wellmotivated risks in sharing their decision to explore polyamory with trusted friends and family (if they feel safe). It’s important that loved ones know what you’re going through.
RK: You had monogamous marriage for nearly 15 years and then began practicing non-monogamy in 2020. What led you to consider this radical restructuring of your marriage?
SS: It was a time of upheaval. The pandemic was raging, my husband had developed feelings for someone else, and I was feeling the pull to explore my queer identity. When I encountered nonmonogamy through a human sexuality class I was taking, we both instantly recognized it as something we wanted to try. Of course, our initial enthusiasm quickly slammed up against the reality of being newbies, but I’ll always remember that first burst of excitement and recognition when we found a name for what we were looking for.
Before that, my husband and I always lived in unconventional ways. We inhabited chosen families1 and more collectivist communities. We valued relationships that extended beyond the conventional nuclear family and sought ways of living with more mutual support. Still, the norms around monogamy were so strong that we never considered having romantic, sexual, or physically intimate relationships with others until I was in graduate school to become a therapist.
RK: In a monogamous marriage, when a secret extramarital romance ends sadly, the bereft individual cannot seek comfort from a spouse. This can be different with consensual nonmonogamy. What are your views on married couples in a nonmonogamous relationship giving advice and support to one another about their other relationships?
SS: I’m all for it if everyone consents to the conversation, and personal boundaries and basic privacy are respected. Through polyamorous relationships (like all relationships), I am looking to grow, learn, and expand community. And like any type of relationship, if I’m struggling with someone I care about, I will seek advice and support from my husband, other partners, and friends. I’ll ask my romantic/sexual partners first if they’re OK with me sharing, but it wouldn’t work for me if I didn’t talk openly about my relationships with the people in my life.
ONLINE CENSORSHIP & SEX EDUCATION
From age verification laws creating needless barriers to viewing pornography to book bans targeting “sexually explicit content,” it’s increasingly clear that the moral panic fueling much of the rise in censorship is, at its core, about sex Whether online or offline, content related to sex is under relentless attack
That’s why we at the Woodhull Freedom Foundation partnered with SIECUS to author a resource to explain that if you care about online censorship, you should care about sex ed, and vice versa.
Take the example of internet censorship in US schools, which targets an array of content, including sex ed content. Todd Feathers and Dhruv Mehrotra note that school districts across the U.S. can “restrict what students see online using a patchwork of commercial web filters that block vast and often random swathes of the internet. ”
BY: TESS JOSEPH
For example, Blocksi, a content filtering program, sorts content into 79 pre-set categories to make its blocking decisions, including categories like “alternative beliefs,” “abortion,” “advocacy organizations,” and “sex education.” School staff can then choose which categories to block or allow.
As Feathers and Mehrotra write, these filters “are preventing kids from finding critical information about their health, identity, and the subjects they’re studying in class. ” Or, in the words of Mateo, a senior at Albuquerque Public Schools – which uses the GoGuardian web filter, “I think it’s kind of redundant and almost offensive that they would try to censor everything to such an obscene degree.
Mateo is right – censorship, like the content filtering programs employed by schools across the country, is offensive and obscene We recognize that the fight against censorship is a fight to protect our right to freely access critical information, including sex ed.
We realize that the goals of sex ed are hard to achieve if sex education content can’t even reach people.
BY: LAUREN HAYES
RECLAIMING THE TERM
“Swinger” “Swinger”
Language is powerful. It unites, divides, and, most importantly, shapes how we see ourselves and how others see us. Over the years, certain words have carried negative connotations, creating stigmas that linger long after their initial usage. For those of us in the ethically non-monogamous (ENM) community, one of those words is swinger. But just like queer in the LGBTQ+ community and slut in the sex-positive movement, I feel swinger is ripe for reclamation.
Words are not just labels they’re powerful symbols of identity. The LGBTQ+ community has long understood this. Once a slur, queer was reclaimed as a badge of pride – a way for individuals to define themselves on their own terms. Similarly, in recent years, we’ve seen a push to reclaim the word slut — not as something shameful, but as a symbol of sexual agency and freedom. Think about the rise of SlutWalks or movements like Amber Rose's "Slut Shaming" campaign. These efforts have opened up important conversations around sexuality, consent, autonomy, and in that case, violence. I have also embraced the term with my co-founded group, The Sacred Sluts a group of spirituallyminded women practicing nonmonogamy.
What does this mean for the word swinger?
Often, when people hear the word they imagine a bunch of people swapping partners at a ‘70s key party: gaudy gold chains, bad lighting, and tacky outfits. These outdated stereotypes persist, despite the fact that modern-day swinging looks very different. Well, a few tacky outfits may persist, but we do embrace self-expression. :)
I propose that it’s time we start reclaiming the word. Though we have embraced the term the lifestyle within the community, its vagueness is not helpful to those outside. Lifestyle already means something in the vanilla world: a lifestyle coach in the vanilla world is someone who focuses on health and fitness, and lifestyle brands represent luxury.
So, why would we need to communicate what we are to others when many of us keep this aspect of our lives a secret? We keep it secret so no one knows about it or us, leading to no one learning that it’s much more than its many myths and stereotypes. Embracing the word may also mean embracing who we are. Precisely. I am a slut. I am a swinger.
This is something I have recently been hard at work at going on vanilla podcasts, writing a book (out by the end of this year), and educating the vanilla community that we are not just about hedonism and sex, but that we are about community and friendship. Yes, we value and take part in sexual pleasure, and we value and practice self-expression, including but definitely not limited to sexual expression, but all of that happens in the context of the bigger picture: the community.
When I educate others about ethical nonmonogamy, my first lesson is that there are mainly two camps under that umbrella polyamory and swinging, with everything in between because we get to define our relationships for ourselves. Most have heard of polyamory and, in fact, often equate ENM with polyamory. When I explain swinging further, dispel some myths and explain the community we enjoy, their minds are almost literally blown. “This is so different than I ever imagined,” they say.
It’s time to change minds. For those of us who practice ENM in its many forms, swinging is not about debauchery or indiscretion — it’s about connection, honesty, and shared experiences. Yet, thanks to decades of misrepresentation, swinger often conjures up an image that’s far removed from the reality of the loving, committed, and ethical relationships we nurture.
As we bring ourselves out from the shadows, embracing our community and sexual freedoms, let’s embrace and redefine the word swinger. Much like how queer was once weaponized to diminish a community, swinger has been used to invalidate those of us in the lifestyle. The term keeps us in the shadows because we are even afraid to use it. Just like the LGBTQ+ community reclaimed queer to reflect their diversity and resilience, it’s time we do the same with swinger.
So, how do we go about reclaiming this word? It starts with shifting the narrative— both within our community and beyond. We can begin by challenging the negative stereotypes and educating others on what swinging really is. A difficult task no doubt, as this involves sharing with our nonlifestyle friends and communities when possible. Unfortunately, we live in a reality where we might be jeopardizing our jobs, living arrangements, or relationships , and I am sympathetic to this. Of course, we must use good judgment, and also, I propose we share more of ourselves with those that are safe. Thoughtfully, but when possible. The truth is that by hiding in the shadows from everyone, then that is where we will stay.
We shared somewhat recently with our teenagers (16 and 18) about our open relationship. As we suspected, they already suspected. “Our generation doesn’t really care about stuff like that,” they said. We explained that we understood and appreciated that AND that some of the parents of their generation still do. We told them that while it isn’t a secret, and we are not ashamed, we still encourage them to be thoughtful about who they share it with. Of course, since this is my career, I have more reason to share with others.
At its core, swinging is about consensual, open relationships where communication is key. and sexuality is embraced. It’s not about promiscuity or betrayal; it’s about living authentically with trust and transparency. Much like those of us who embrace the word slut are asserting control over our sexual identities, we can reclaim swinger to reflect the values we hold dear: mutual respect, consent, and joy in exploring relationships and sexuality together.
Reclaiming a word doesn’t happen overnight. It takes time, conversation, and, often, a whole lot of uncomfortable moments. But that’s how change happens. We can take lessons from the LGBTQ+ community and the sex-positive movement, recognizing that reclamation starts with us.
Next time someone uses the word swinger in a negative or dismissive way, think of it as an opportunity. Gently correct them. Explain how swinging in modern ENM isn’t about mindless partner-swapping but about building a new kind of intimacy and trust. Share your story if it feels right. The more we open up, the more we can shape the narrative in a way that feels authentic to us. This was the premise for the launch of my podcast, The Examined Lives of the Secret Wives, where we wanted to correct how our community may get misrepresented in the reality TV Show, The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives. Case in point – the show leverages the negative and scandalous term, swinger, for their profit. Grrrr!
Reclaiming swinger is about more than just a word. It’s about taking ownership of who we are and how we love. It’s about showing the world that our relationships are just as valid, just as beautiful, and just as sacred as anyone else’s. Let’s wear the word swinger with pride, knowing that it reflects not just our sexual freedom, but our commitment to living authentically and honestly — together.
INSPIRING EACH OTHER IN OUR LS COMMUNITY
BY: JEANA
To quote Serena Williams, "Every woman's success should be an inspiration to another. We're strongest when we cheer each other on." No words could ever be truer In a world where as women we are taught from a young age that women are our competition, I fight to change that mindset. That is one thing I have come to love the most about the ENM community. The sisterhood and love these women all have for each other is unmatched.
You have women from all walks of life, different races, ethnicities, and different parts of the world who come together over this one thing: the freedom to be ourselves sexually on our terms. Somehow, it works so beautifully because we are able to not see each other as competition, but rather, as humans putting ourselves out there in the most vulnerable way. One thing I have truly learned from this group of girls is self-love and embracing my body as is. While we root each other on through fitness and bettering our health, we still make it a priority to tell each other how beautiful we are at whatever stage we are in body- or imagewise It truly is a sisterhood of women who do not try to extinguish each other’s flame, but instead give it the air it needs to burn its brightest
Women who are there, for the good and bad, to give advice on every single topic from makeup to best places to buy clothes for our kids on a budget. Women who you might never meet again but will hype you up in the bathroom of a club over your outfit I have never in all my 39 years felt more seen by other females than when I decided to take the leap into this world. It truly is such a great feeling knowing I can go to any event or even social media site and know I will always have some amazing woman hyping me up and knowing I get to do the same.
This community is one of the most welcoming groups of people on this earth, but I will always say the girlies in this community are absolutely top tier. These are my sister's and some of my best friends. I am so excited to meet more of you beautiful souls and get to hype you up.
BY: AEROROSES & EVILLE1984
{Eville1984 & Aeroroses have been together for 17+ years and married for 12 years Our lifestyle journey began in November 2022 and quickly evolved, giving us experience in full swaps, group play, threesomes, hotwife/hothusband, and same-sex play styles
QUESTION: QUESTION:
My partner and I have been considering going to our first swinger’s club. My partner and I have been considering going to our first swinger’s club. What advice do you have for attending a club night and what do we What advice do you have for attending a club night and what do we take with us? take with us?
Attending a swinger’s club for the first time can be an exhilarating yet nerve-wracking experience. Whether you’ve been curious for years or are just starting to explore your openminded desires, preparation is key to making your first visit relaxed, sexy, and enjoyable.
What to Expect at a Swinger’s Club
The atmosphere of a swinger’s club may vary, but most clubs strive to create a relaxed, consensual environment where people can explore their desires without judgment. Many first-timers find that the energy is more social than sexual, at least initially. Here’s what to expect:
Consent and Communication
Are Paramount:
Respecting boundaries is rule number one. You’ll find that every encounter begins with communication and consent. No one should be pressuring you to participate in anything you’re not comfortable with. It’s all about mutual respect.
Boundaries and Rules:
Couples should establish their own set of boundaries and rules, even if you don’t plan to engage with others, before ever stepping foot inside the club. This will ensure neither partner engages at a different pace than what the other is comfortable with.
Different Spaces for Different Comfort Levels
Most clubs are divided into social areas (think bar rooms or lounges often surrounding a dance floor) and play areas, where sexual activity is permitted. Some even have private rooms for couples or small groups who prefer intimacy over a public setting.
No Obligation to Participate
It’s perfectly fine to simply observe or engage with others socially on your first visit. Many people find that their first experience is more about meeting new people and getting a feel for the environment.
How to Dress for a Swinger’s Club
Dress codes vary from club to club, but one thing remains consistent: dress to impress. Most swinger’s clubs emphasize sexy, stylish, and well-groomed looks. Some offer themed nights, like lingerie parties or masquerade balls, so check the club’s website or social media in advance. If the theme night doesn’t fit your style or seems too risque for your first time, feel free to not attend in theme; again remember to just dress to impress. For a standard night:
A Variety of Attendees
Expect to meet people from all walks of life couples, singles, experienced swingers, and curious first-timers of all ages. Everyone is there for their own reasons, but a common thread is openness and sexual freedom.
Women:
Opt for something seductive, like a fitted dress or lingerie. Sheer fabrics, lace, and playful accessories (think garter belts or stockings) are popular choices. Comfortable yet sexy shoes are a must, as you’ll likely be standing or walking between rooms.
Men:
Think upscale casual slacks or fitted jeans paired with a button-up shirt or a stylish collared shirt.
Some clubs allow nudity on the dance floor after certain hours and others only allow it in play areas. It’s best to review the dress code on the club’s website for details. Keep in mind that many clubs have dressing rooms and/or lockers for you to change or store your belongings in. Additionally, you should be aware if the club requires you to be naked or in a towel only when entering play areas. Their playroom rules will generally state this if required.
What to Pack
Swingers clubs typically provide some essentials, but packing a few personal items can enhance your experience and pleasure.
Condoms and Lube: Even if the club provides them, having your own preferred brands or types can make the experience smoother.
Sex Toys: Bring your favorite toys with you, especially if it’s something you need to reach climax. It’s okay to ask others to use them on you. Often, clubs will have dungeons, but not alway provide floggers or crops, so you may want to bring your own impact toys as well.
A Change of Clothes: Some people like to slip into something more casual or comfortable after the club experience, so having a spare outfit on hand can be helpful. If you are dressed in theme, you’ll likely want to change into lingerie at some point too, so bring 1 or even 2 sets of lingerie along. Having comfortable shoes to wear home is also really nice at the end of the night.
Meeting People Beforehand
Toiletries: Pack a small bag with essentials like deodorant, mouth wash, gum or breath mints, wet wipes, and chapstick. Freshening up throughout the night is always a good idea and feels great for those car rides home.
ID and Cash: Don’t forget a valid ID for entry. Some clubs may have a door fee, and you might want cash for tips to waitresses or attendants.
Cooler and Alcohol: Most clubs are BYOB so if you want to drink, bring your favorite bottle of alcohol with you. They will typically have mixers on hand. Usually you can bring a small cooler with you to store it at your table or they’ll keep it behind the bar with your name on it. Bringing a personal tumbler with a lid is also a good idea.
For many first-timers, meeting people before the event can help ease any anxiety. We find it’s best to have at least one anchor couple with you; someone you know or have established a connection with, that will give you a “home base,” if you will, to talk to and lean on if you’re nervous. If this anchor couple has been to the club before and can show you around, that’s even better. Here’s how you can connect with others in the lifestyle:
Online Communities: Discord and Facebook groups like Swinger Society or club websites allow you to meet like-minded individuals and couples who are attending the same event. You can chat online, set up meet-and-greets, and view people’s profiles to see if they match with you.
Pre-Club Meetups: Some clubs organize casual meetups at local bars or restaurants before the official club night begins. These are great opportunities to break the ice, ask questions, and meet other newbies in a low-pressure setting.
Be Open and Honest: When meeting people online or in person, being upfront about your experience level and what you’re hoping to explore can help you find connections more easily. Don’t be afraid to express any boundaries or concerns you have in advance.
Navigating the Night
Once you arrive, take some time to explore the space and get comfortable. If the club offers tours, take one! Grab a drink, chat with others, and don’t feel rushed. Hit the dance floor for a while until you start to hit your vibe. Here are a few tips to make the most of your night:
Start Socializing:
The club’s lounge area is often where people mingle before heading to the more intimate spaces. Don’t be shy — everyone is there for similar reasons. Compliments, friendly conversation, and genuine curiosity go a long way.
Observe First:
If you’re unsure about diving into the experience right away, take your time and observe. Watching others can help you gauge what you’re comfortable with and inspire ideas for later.
Final Thoughts
Follow the Club’s Rules:
Each swinger’s club has its own set of rules, ranging from where sexual activity is allowed to how to initiate contact with others. Respect these guidelines to ensure a positive experience for everyone.
Play Together or With Others:
If you meet another couple or person you vibe with; invite them to a playspace. Make sure you discuss your boundaries before going into any rooms. If you’re not ready to make that move yet, it’s perfectly normal for couples to play only with each other or not at all while at the club. It’s totally up to your comfort level.
Attending a swingers club for the first time can be both thrilling and intimidating, but by doing your homework, dressing the part, and staying open to new experiences, you’ll set yourself up for a fun and memorable night. The key is to embrace the experience at your own pace, enjoy meeting new people, and, above all, prioritize your comfort and consent.
Have a question or seeking some advice? Submit your anonymous questions to us via the Swinger Society Discord under #MagazineChat and find the link to submit under the pinned posts; or go to https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/RMDWQTV
EVERYTHING Perception is
While all the right people in this lifestyle hold connection in high regar over appearance, first impressions ar always a thing. And sometime meeting someone in person doesn’t g how you expect. When you kno something about your physic appearance may affect how connection interacts with you i person, you become self-conscious of and sometimes want to make change But always make sure you are makin those changes for yourself.
For the last twenty years, I’ve ha epilepsy. When I had my first seizure, I was riding a bike, which resulted in an accident where I lost my front teeth. It was always something I wanted to fix but put on the back burner.
About a year ago, my wife and I decided to enter the LS. As our first event approached, we made a connection that I felt was solid. When we met in person at the event, it was a simple hug, a hello, and that was it – making me begin the mental process of second guessing and contemplating what I did that could have been the issue.
A month later we had our next event, as I dove in head first, rapidly scheduling them. We attended our first Secrets takeover where we met most of the people that we made connections with on the Discord server. It was a fantastic event.
A few weeks after the event, it became known to me that a group of people we met had discussed my teeth situation, something they absolutely are allowed to do. However, some of this discussion was shared on social media for all to see.
These two situations helped push me to revisit getting the necessary dental work done. Although these difficult situations helped me to take the step to get the work done, I absolutely did it for myself.
Two weeks after the work was done, we attended the August takeover of Club Tempted. I felt more myself and relaxed than at any event previously. We stayed in an Airbnb with our close group of friends, and it was an incredible weekend. Saturday night as we were all leaving the club, I was stopped by a good friend of my wife –someone I also rely on for support and
I am currently about 6 weeks postop, and can tell you I feel much more confident in both my professional career and LS environments. Confidence is self-driven and from within. If you rely on others for your confidence, you are in for a bumpy emotional roller coaster. Self-love and confidence are invaluable pieces to your mental health.
I share my journey of image transformation through dental work and my LS experiences to say this: you will meet some of the most incredible people in the world in this space. You will face challenges, and not everyone you interact with is meant to be a connection for you. Make quality connections, learn, grow, and truly understand that this is a journey.
I’m not where I want to be just yet, but I have come a long way from where I was. I always want people I m
Defining Defining
JOIN THE SWINGER SOCIETY
JOIN THE SWINGER SOCIETY
