BEHIND THE SCENES
LAYOUT & DESIGN
JSWING216
CHARLIE
W H A L T
L I F E ?
You may be wondering why we’v decided to launch a magazine. That’s fair question! If you’re familiar with us you know that we host one of the nation’s top podcasts on non-monogamy and get millions of views monthly on social platforms like TikTok, Instagram, and Clapper.
So why add something else to our plate and start a digital magazine? The truth is, ALT Life Magazine isn’t about us. It’s about you and the community of people who have a message to share and need a platform to do it.
This magazine is for people who may not be able to put themselves out there publicly on social media due to fear of judgment and backlash. Our journey since 2021 into becoming social media influencers for the alternative lifestyle community, the one thing that’s remained consistent is the community and the people that encompass it.
are some of e people on the planet. The world needs to hear your stories, to get to know you, to fall in love with you like we have.
Our hope is that if they can see you for who you truly are, then perhaps the hate, the stigma, and the discrimination will come to an end.
We believe one of the best ways to do that is to do what we’ve pledged to do from the beginning; to shine a little light on the community.
So, we’d like to encourage all of you to contribute, to share your stories, to be heard.
We want you to be able to show the world how truly amazing and valuable this community is. We hope that one day we can all come out of the darkness and not have to live in fear.
BY: AEROROSES & EVILLE1984
{Eville1984 & Aeroroses have been together for 18 years and married for 13 years. Our lifestyle journey began in November 2022 and quickly evolved, giving us experience in full swaps, group play, threesomes, hotwife/hothusband, and same-sex play styles.
Is it weird to say “I love you” to Is it weird to say “I love you” to friends in the lifestyle? friends in the lifestyle? QUESTION: QUESTION:
Navigating relationships within the lifestyle often comes with unique dynamics and questions about boundaries, communication, and expressions of affection. Sometimes it seems perfectly natural to openly express your “love” for other people or couples outside of your own relationship. This word, love, can have multiple meanings and connotations depending on the way it’s used. So, Is it weird to say “I love you” to friends within the lifestyle?
The short answer? No, it’s not weird at all. However, context and intent matter greatly. Here’s why
The Culture of Connection
The lifestyle is built on a foundation of openness, trust, and mutual respect. Many people in these communities form deep bonds with others, whether those relationships are romantic, platonic, or something in between. Saying "I love you" in this context often reflects a genuine appreciation and affection for someone, not necessarily romantic or sexual love.
In fact, many people in the lifestyle report that they feel more free to express their emotions authentically. We would agree, as we openly express our “love” for our close lifestyle friends often. This openness creates space for phrases like "I love you" to carry broader meanings like gratitude, friendship, or admiration — instead of being confined to romantic connotations. 05
Now, let’s add a little more context to all of this. Directly, “I love you” is a powerful statement that can often send an overpowering message and can be the ultimate lifestyle taboo for those that draw a hard line in the sand between physical and emotional connections. Understanding this, there may be instances where you want to show a genuine appreciation and affection for those that you care about without the potentially sharp edge that those words accompany.
Fortunately, we’re midwesterners, and a simple “Love y’all” can convey our appreciation for those we care about without crossing that boundary.
When "I Love You" Feels Right
If you feel compelled to tell a lifestyle friend that you love them, consider the following:
1
Be Honest About Your Intentions: Are you expressing deep appreciation for their friendship? Are you conveying a sense of trust and emotional intimacy? As long as your intentions are clear and genuine, the phrase is unlikely to be misinterpreted.
Understand Their Comfort Level: While many in the lifestyle embrace emotional openness, not everyone will be equally comfortable with declarations of love. Pay attention to their communication style and emotional boundaries
If you’re unsure, a simple, heartfelt phrase like, “I really appreciate you” can also convey similar sentiments without the weight of “love.”
Context Is Key: The timing and environment can affect how your words are received. Sharing thes feelings during a heartfelt conversation or after meaningful experience can feel natural, wherea blurting it out casually might come across a unexpected.
Phrasing Your Words: Saying “I love you” doesn have to be the only way to express your feeling for your lifestyle friends. Consider something more casual like “love you guys” or “we love y'al as an alternative to a direct I love you statement.
Expanding the Definition of Love
It’s worth noting that the word "love" can mean different things to different people. In the lifestyle, relationships often defy conventional labels, and so can expressions of affection. Here are a few interpretations of "I love you" that might resonate:
Platonic Love: A deep, non-romantic affection and appreciation for someone who enriches your life.
Community Love: A shared bond with someone who understands and values the same lifestyle and principles.
Emotional Love: Recognition of the emotional intimacy and trust that have developed within your friendship.
4.
Potential Challenges
While it’s not inherently weird to say "I love you," there are a few potential pitfalls to consider:
Miscommunication: If the other person assumes romantic or sexual feelings are involved, it could lead to awkwardness or misunderstandings. Be prepared to clarify your meaning if necessary
Jealousy or Insecurity: In some cases, others in your circle whether friends or partners might feel uneasy about such expressions Open communication with everyone involved can help address these feelings.
Cultural or Personal Norms: Some individuals or couples in the lifestyle may have more traditional boundaries around language and emotional expression. Respecting these boundaries is essential
Saying "I love you" or the like to friends in the lifestyle isn’t weird it’s often a natural extension of the deep, authentic connections that this community fosters. However, as with all things in the lifestyle, communication and consent are key. If you’re coming from a place of kindness and sincerity, your words are likely to be received in the spirit you intend.
Ultimately, love in all its forms is something to celebrate. Whether you choose to express it with words or actions, the important thing is to honor the bonds that make these relationships so meaningful.
Have a question or seeking some advice? Submit your anonymous questions to us via the Swinger Society Discord under #MagazineChat and find the link to submit under the pinned posts; or go to https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/RMDWQTV
Reconnecting
After Conflict
BY: DR ELIZABETH FEDRICK IG: @DRELIZABETHFEDRICK
Conflict and ruptures are an inevitable part of every single relational dynamic… Especially relationships that are vulnerable, intimate, and that mean a lot to us.
These types of relationships carry with them increased connection, value, and rawness… which ultimately also means increased fears of abandonment, rejection, and loss.
This double-edged sword can at times lead to increased triggers and maladaptive behaviors because of the fears often associated with them… and the deep care we have about how we are treated and perceived by that individual.
Thus, ruptures don’t necessarily mean we shouldn’t be part of that relationship… but instead that we need to work harder at preventing these ruptures and then effectively working to repair them after they happen
An effective repair requires acknowledgment, intentional & honest discussion, and then genuine attempts at re-engagement and connection.
Keep in mind ALL relationships (even loving and healthy ones) experience ruptures… but at the end of the day
Far too often people try to ignore or avoid the issue out of fear or discomfort but let me assure you that ignoring these issues is just going to lead to much bigger discomfort down the road.
HOW WOULD DO YOU DEFINE YOUR ALT LIFE?
WHAT IS ONE THING ON YOUR BUCKET LIST YOU HOPE TO DO THIS YEAR?
To get in a milking table! To get in a milking table! in a IIYKYK IYKYK YKYK
I LIVE IN...
The quiet cornfields of The quiet cornfields of of IIndiana Indiana ndiana
HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN LIVING AN ALT LIFE? WHAT ATTRACTED YOU TO IT?
HOW DID YOUR ALT LIFE BEGIN?
We've been in the lifestyle for just over two years, and in this time, we've jumped headfirst into discovering what really drives our desires and our fantasies. Our attraction to it started as soon as we began researching the community and found a group that was welcoming of forging a different path One that embraced every person's unique attributes.
WHAT IS YOUR SEXUAL ORIENTATION? AND RELATIONSHIP STATUS?
I currently identify as heteroflexible. I've I currently identify as heteroflexible. I've had experience with same sex play, and had experience with same sex and had and it's something that I never imagined it's something that I never imagined never would be a possibility, but my experiences would be a possibility, but my experiences be have all been enjoyable. I still very much have all been enjoyable. still very much have enjoyable. much prefer opposite sex play, but I've found my prefer opposite sex play, but found my but found desires ebb and flow depending on my desires ebb and flow depending on my desires and flow mood. I look forward to exploring this side mood. I look forward to exploring this side to side of myself further as we continue to grow. of myself further as we continue to grow. myself we continue My wife has fully opened up to her My wife has fully opened up to her wife fully opened bisexuality throughout our journey, and bisexuality throughout our journey, and throughout and we've both been very supportive of each we've both been very supportive of each supportive each other's discovery as we've progressed. other's discovery as we've progressed. discovery as
THREE WORDS THAT DESCRIBE YOU:
Party
Hedonism
Relaxation
It's a series of waves.
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE VANILLA ACTIVITY?
Long slow hikes through the woods. Whether it's alone, or with a partner, reconnecting with nature is something that I need deeply on a personal level.
HOW IS ONE WAY YOU ARE FIGHTING TO HELP STOP THE STIGMA YOUR ALTLIFE PRESENTS IN SOCIETY?
TURN ONS & OFFS
Biggest turn ons: Enthusiasm and a sense of humor. If you can make me laugh and are direct in your consent, I'm all yours.
Biggest turn off: Playing mind games. I'm cautious in my approach, and coyly needing chased will keep me at a distance.
WHAT'S YOUR GUILTY PLEASURE?
I'm soooo lazy. I love nothing more than staying in bed, naked. If I had my way, days would pass without getting out of bed
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FOOD?
You've won my heart at chips and queso.
We have been fortunate to not have our lifestyle impact us in any negative way. As we grow on our journey, I feel a sense of relief and empowerment as we embrace our true selves.
WHAT IS ONE LESSON YOU LEARN ON YOUR ALT LIFE JO
ANY LAST WORDS?
Never be afraid to authentically be yourself. Regardless of what you might think, there are plenty of others that are going through the same journey as yourself.
WHAT IS ONE THING WE CAN DO AS A COMMUNITY TO SUPPORT EACH OTHER BETTER?
Share our individual experiences and the way we navigate the Share our individual experiences and the way we navigate the Share and way we navigate bumps in the road that come with the territory. bumps in the road that come with the territory. road
HOW CAN READERS FIND YOU?
A BEGINNER’S GUIDE TO
If you’re curious about Secrets Hideaway Resort & Spa and p sit, you’re in for a unique experience! Known for its open-minded co ylefriendly atmosphere, Secrets Hideaway is a resort designed for adults looking to relax and socialize without judgment. This guide will help you navigate everything from booking a stay to making the most of the resort’s amenities and events.
1. Understanding the Concept
Secrets Hideaway is a lifestyle resort, meaning it’s designed for adults interested in exploring social and intimate connections in a safe, welcoming environment. The resort is clothing-optional in certain areas and is a judgment-free zone for people looking to be themselves, meet others, and embrace open-mindedness. First-time visitors don’t need to be experienced with the lifestyle scene; the resort welcomes everyone, from beginners to those familiar with lifestyle events.
The resort is friendly to lifestylers, singles, and the LGBTQIA+ community alike, so expect to see all types of relationships when you’re there. Sex is allowed inside the gated pool area which includes the bar, two pools, and two hot tubs. There’s also multiple cabanas surrounding the perimeter and pool loungers. Cabanas can be rented through Secret’s VIP services or you can pick an open pool lounger for free.
2. Booking Your Stay
Before booking, check Secrets Hideaway’s website for availability and upcoming events. Some weekends are Hosted or Sponsored by certain groups, drawing larger crowds, so it’s a good idea to book early if you’re visiting on a holiday or during a popular event weekend. More popular hosted weekends typically require minimum night stays as well. The resort offers various room options, from standard accommodations to more upscale and themed suites with extra amenities. They have 4 room types: Modest, Luxury, Royal, and Fantasy. Modest rooms are the least expensive with Fantasy type rooms being the most. If you want to save a little money, consider getting a room on the exterior.
Things to consider:
• Membership: Secrets Hideaway requires a membership for entry, which can be purchased for 1 month, 6 months, or 1 year.
• Check-In Requirements: Make sure to bring a valid ID for check-in and understand that only adults (21 and older) are permitted.
• Room Selection: Some rooms are closer to the pool and nightclub, which may be noisier, while others are quieter and more private. You can view the resort map to see where each room is located.
3. Dress Codes and Packing Essentials
The resort has different dress codes depending on the area. Here’s a basic breakdown of what to pack:
Pool & Hot Tub: The pool areas are clothing-optional, so you can wear a swimsuit or relax as you feel comfortable. Theme Nights: Secrets Hideaway hosts theme nights every evening, with themes like “Glow Party,” “Leather & Lace,” or “Fantasy Night.” Check the event calendar to plan outfits accordingly. Dressing in theme is not required, but is a lot of fun!
Casual/Club Wear: For the nightclub and indoor areas, bring clothing that is comfortable but aligns with the event’s theme. Some themes encourage playful or daring attire, but most guests balance comfort and creativity. All indoor areas, such as the lobby and Fairvilla shops, require clothing, so bring anything that you would normally wear to a store.
Playroom/Dungeon: The playroom requires you to be naked upon entry or you may wear a robe or towel inside, but absolutely no clothing is allowed. The Dungeon allows clothing and requires shoes. It’s a quiet, sexy space so lingerie or dressing down is recommended here.
Packing Checklist:
1. Swimsuits (optional, but a good idea to bring)
2. Theme-night outfits
3. Regular street clothes for going inside the main building or going off-site
4. Comfortable footwear for dancing and lounging
5. A cover-up or robe for moving between areas and/or the playroom
6. Sunscreen, sunglasses, and other poolside essentials
4. Exploring the Resort Amenities
Secrets Hideaway is designed to make your stay fun, relaxing, and social. Here are some of the highlights:
Pools and Hot Tubs: The pools are social spots during the day, and hot tubs are popular at night. Feel free to relax, mingle, or meet other guests here. The pool will have DJ’s playing during the day and nighttime, as well as pool volleyball and other games. If there’s a Hosted event going on, you can expect even more poolside excitement like naughty games and contests.
On-Site Nightclub: The nightclub is the main hub after dark, featuring themed dance parties, DJs, and plenty of VIP seating for those who prefer to observe or take a break. Theme nights make it easy for newcomers to fit in, as everyone dresses up in similar attire.
Bars and Lounges: The resort has bars where you can enjoy drinks in a casual setting. It’s a great way to relax or get to know other guests before heading to the nightclub. On weeknights the bar will host bingo and other activities, plus you can order food here.
Playrooms: For those exploring the lifestyle aspect, the resort offers private playrooms and open areas for exhibitionists. Newcomers aren’t obligated to participate, but if you’re curious, take a look to see if it’s something you might enjoy. There’s no fee to enter, but you do have to be nude, in a towel or robe. They provide lockers for a fee that you can keep your personal belongings in.
5. Navigating the Event Calendar
One of the best parts of Secrets Hideaway is its event calendar. From pool parties to evening theme nights, the events are designed to help you socialize, meet others, and enjoy a welcoming atmosphere. Themed nights are especially popular, as they give everyone a reason to dress up, try something new, and celebrate together. Hosted parties are bigger than regular weekends and typically have more people. They’re great for newbies and regulars because they provide entertainment for everyone and often offer more than a normal weekend in terms of activities.
For first timers
Pace yourself:
With so much happening, it’s easy to get swept up in the excitement. Take breaks if you need to recharge. Drink lots of water! It’s hot and the alcohol flows. If you’re staying on site, it’s smart to keep a case of water in your room.
Eat:
Keep food in your room or order from the restaurant. It’s easy to forget to eat when the party never stops.
Ask Questions:
The resort staff and seasoned guests are happy to help. If you’re unsure about something, feel free to ask.
Participate:
Don’t be shy! Theme nights, pool games, and social events are more fun when you join in.
Relax:
Be yourself and let your inhibitions go. This is the place to be naked and have sex with people watching, if that’s your thing.
6. Etiquette and Social Guidelines
The resort prides itself on creating a respectful and safe environment for all guests. Here are some key points to remember:
• Consent and Respect: Respect others’ boundaries, and remember that consent is essential in all interactions. If you’re interested in socializing with someone, it’s best to be polite and respectful in your approach.
• Photography: To protect everyone’s privacy, photography is restricted in many areas, especially the pool and nightclub. Be mindful of these rules, as they help guests feel secure. There are designated photo areas in the resort, such as the big red chair.
• Be Friendly: The resort’s atmosphere is inclusive and community-oriented. If you’re a newcomer, introduce yourself, join a conversation, and remember that Secrets Hideaway guests are generally open-minded and welcoming.
• Respect Quiet Areas: Not everyone may want to socialize all the time. The resort offers private spaces and quieter rooms, and it’s considerate to keep noise levels in check if you’re near these areas.
7. Final Tips for a Great First Visit
•Go with an Open Mind: Secrets Hideaway is about enjoying freedom, connection, and community in a judgment-free space. An open mind and willingness to participate will help you get the most out of your experience.
•Plan Ahead: Review the event calendar and theme nights to make packing easier. This helps you make the most of each night’s unique vibe. If staying on-site, plan a grocery delivery or trip to the store so you can stock up on essential food items and supplies like water, liquid IV, and sunscreen.
•Stay Hydrated: Florida’s heat, combined with pool activities and social events, can be draining. Be sure to drink plenty of water to keep your energy up.
•Take Breaks: The resort’s energy is contagious, but pacing yourself is key to enjoying the entire experience.
final thoughts:
A visit to Secrets Hideaway Resort & Spa is an opportunity to party, meet new people, and enjoy a one-of-a-kind experience. For beginners, the resort offers an approachable introduction to lifestyle-friendly vacations, with supportive staff and a welcoming community. With a little preparation and an openminded attitude, your first stay can be a memorable and exciting adventure.
Primer:
Choose a mattifying or pore-blurring primer to keep your skin looking fresh and oil-free Opt for a waterproof version to ensure longevity.
n
The best poolside makeup should be light, waterproof, and sweat-proof, giving you a fresh and natural look that can stand up to a dip in the water. Here's a guide to creating a poolside-friendly makeup routine:
Foundation: For a lightweight finish, go for a BB cream or tinted moisturizer that provides hydration and a bit of coverage without being heavy.
Setting Powder: Set everything in place with a translucent setting powder to prevent shine Avoid too much product to keep the look natural and light.
MAKEUP
Waterproof Mascara: The poolside is no place for smudged mascara. Go for a waterproof formula that won’t run when you go for a swim or are sweating from the heat.
Waterproof Eyeliner: A gel or liquid eyeliner with waterproof properties will stay put, even if you take a quick swim. Opt for a neutral shade like brown or navy for a more natural look, or black for a bold effect.
Blush: Cream blushes or liquid are your best bet They provide a natural flush and last longer than powders Opt for soft, peachy shades that look sunkissed.
Bronzer: Light bronzing can add warmth to your face and give you a healthy glow.
Highlighter: A cream or liquid highlighter can provide a subtle glow without looking greasy. Apply on the high points of your face like cheekbones and the bridge of your nose.
MAKEUP
Lip Balm with SPF: Protect your lips from the sun’s harmful rays with a lip balm that contains SPF. Look for a tinted balm for a touch of color.
Tinted Lip Gloss: If you prefer a little shine, opt for a tinted lip gloss that provides a pop of color while keeping lips hydrated.
Blush:
Cream blushes or liquid are your best bet They provide a natural flush and last longer than powders. Opt for soft, peachy shades that look sun-kissed.
Bronzer: Light bronzing can add warmth to your face and give you a healthy glow
Highlighter:
A cream or liquid highlighter can provide a subtle glow without looking greasy. Apply on the high points of your face like cheekbones and the bridge of your nose.
Use a Facial Mist: Keep a refreshing facial mist handy to hydrate your skin during the day, especially after a swim
Avoid Heavy Makeup: The goal is to enhance your natural beauty, not mask it. Go for a light and fresh look that suits the sunny vibes of a poolside day. By using waterproof formulas, lightweight foundations, and sun protection, you can create a poolside look that will stay flawless all day.
ATING UNSPOKEN
RULES:
ATING UNSPOKEN RULES: ATING UNSPOKEN RULES:
alentine’s Guide for alentine’s Guide for Single Males in the Single Males in the Lifestyle Lifestyle
BY: MR. G
Valentine’s Day is all about connection, passion, and celebrating relationships. For single males in the lifestyle, it’s also a perfect time to show that you can honor these values with couples seeking meaningful and respectful interactions. But just like love itself, navigating the unspoken rules of the lifestyle requires care, attention, and a touch of finesse.
Here’s your Valentine’s-themed guide to mastering communication and creating heartfelt connections, even when the rules aren’t clearly defined.
1. Lead with Love (for Their Boundaries)
Valentine’s is a day for honoring relationships, so approach every couple with a foundation of respect for their connection. Start with warm and genuine curiosity:
“How do you two celebrate love and connection in the lifestyle?”
“What’s important to you both when sharing moments with others?” By framing your questions with a romantic undertone, you show that you’re not just focused on the experience you’re invested in their dynamic.
2. Read the Body Language of Love
On Valentine’s Day, couples may be more attuned to each other’s signals Pay close attention to their nonverbal cues, like affectionate glances or reassuring touches. These gestures often communicate comfort or hesitation, guiding you in how to proceed. Think of it as tuning into their love language it’s not just about spoken words but also about sensing their vibe.
3. Don’t Assume Their “Cupid’s Arrow” Includes You
In the spirit of the season, you might feel swept up in the romance But even if a couple seems welcoming, never assume you’re part of their Valentine’s plans without clear confirmation. Ask thoughtful questions like:
“How do you see me fitting into your evening?”
“Would you like to set any boundaries as we explore together?”
This reinforces your role as someone who values their connection above all else. 24
4. Romance the Conversation
Some couples may not communicate their boundaries equally one partner might speak up while the other stays quiet. Use Valentine’s Day as an opportunity to include both voices in the conversation:
“You both have such a beautiful connection how can I make tonight special for both of you?”
This shows that you’re not just focused on the moment but on creating a memory that enhances their bond.
5. Adapt with Grace (Just Like Love)
Just as love can evolve, so can boundaries Be prepared for unexpected shifts in comfort levels, and respond with understanding. A simple, “Thank you for letting me know I want this to be a great experience for everyone,” keeps the atmosphere positive and respectful. Adapting gracefully demonstrates emotional intelligence a quality as attractive as confidence.
6. Send a “Valentine” Follow-Up
The day after Valentine’s, take a moment to reach out and reflect on the experience. A thoughtful follow-up like, “Thank you for trusting me to share in your evening I hope it added to your celebration,” leaves a lasting impression. This small gesture shows that you’re not just about the moment you care about the memories, too.
Final Thoughts
Valentine’s Day reminds us that connection is more than just physical it’s about creating a space where everyone feels valued, respected, and loved. For single males in the lifestyle, this means listening, observing, and prioritizing the couple’s bond.
By leading with respect, adapting to their needs, and treating their love like the treasure it is, you’ll not only navigate unspoken rules you’ll elevate the experience for everyone.
So this Valentine’s, bring your A-game not just as a participant but as someone who honors the spirit of love in all its forms
How are you making this Valentine’s Day special in the lifestyle? I’d love to hear your stories and strategies
BY: BELLA & JASE URPLAY”
We compiled an in depth swingers newbie guide for couples and individuals interested in the swinging lifestyle but who are unsure where or how to start.
This swingers newbie guide goes over all the swinger lingo, how to find other swingers, how to introduce your partner to swinging, how to handle jealousy, and some of our best pieces of advice for newbies! Think of this as your introduction to the swinging lifestyle! We go in detail about our most frequently asked questions about swinging.
6. How do you handle jealousy?
6. How do you handle jealousy?
Now that we’ve been in The Lifestyle for a while, it’s been a long time since we’ve experienced jealousy with each other, but at the beginning of our swinging journey and before getting in The Lifestyle, our jealousy almost always stemmed from a place of insecurity within ourselves or a fear that our partner would like x person more than me, like how X person did that more, etc.
Once we were able to find confidence in ourselves, love ourselves, and receive reassurance from each other and truly trust what each other says when we are reassuring, rather than devaluing it and/or ourselves, we were able to slowly eradicate that type of jealousy.
Because we both have 100% confidence, honesty, and trust in our relationship and understand that we reserve love for each other and only each other, we are also able to differentiate and separate love and how we make love together vs casual sex with friends. We truly enjoy seeing each other enjoy having fun and having sex with others, but the “reclaim sex” is the best part for us. It’s like going on vacation, but then coming home.
Nothing is better than home. And for us, home is together.
To help eradicate jealousy, we recommend putting your relationship first, always
To help eradicate jealousy, we recommend putting your relationship first, always communicating, and not keeping any secrets from each other. communicating, and not keeping any secrets from each other.
If jealousy does comes up, work through it. Always start at the very beginning of what caused the problem, whether that be jealousy or any other issue, and talk through it from there. Get to the base of the problem and see if there are insecurities there that may have caused that jealousy, and dissect it together and be able to reassure each other and remember why you’re in this. Ninety-nine percent of the time, we’ve found problems arise from miscommunication or misunderstanding.
What has helped us the most is making sure we are actively listening. Let each person say completely what they need to say, don’t cut each other off, and then have the other person repeat back what they thought the person meant. We started doing this, and found most of the time even aft weren’t und person actua to continue to
Another thing is to stay honest with each other and completely trust your partner and what they’re saying. For example, if your partner says that is not what they meant and wasn’t their intention, you have to believe them, and vise-versa. With this though, also understand that even though it wasn’t their intention, how what they did/said still hurt, and continue to talk to further get to an understanding with both sides.
When there is an issue, talk about it then and continue talking about it until you find a resolution or at least both have an understanding of where each of you are coming from. We recommend our game, 4OURPLAY Conversations, to help deepen your relationship by answering a variety of conversation prompts made to make you dig deep and truly learn about yourself and each other.
7. What are some of your best tips and advice for a newbie in The Lifestyle?
7. What are some of your best tips and advice for a newbie in The Lifestyle?
Don’t go into any experience, event, date, etc with any expectations. Don’t expect “something to happen” or put pressure on yourself, your partner, or the other party to “make something happen.” You should have fun with your partner and new/potential new friends just as that, enjoy each other’s company and time together first without expecting any play. If your time together happens to move to sexy play, then that’s awesome, but if it’s going to happen, it will; don’t expect it to.
You can never communicate too much. With yourself, your partner, your potential play partners, etc. Have open conversations with your partner before and after Be willing to listen and learn Disagreements and misunderstandings will happen, you have to be able to communicate through them. Make sure everyone is on the same page with everything. Always verbally ask for consent.
Trust your gut.
If something feels off, trust your intuition and remove yourself from the situation/ experience.
Don’t expect to find partners right away. It takes time to find the right people to swing with, sometimes, a long time. You’re trusting another person with your partner and the person you love and it’s the same for the other party too. It shouldn’t be rushed. It’s completely okay to take your time to find the right people. You will also run into a lot of flaky people. Just keep trying. The more you put yourself out there, the more chances you’ll get to meet the right people
Don’t take things personally.
You are going to get rejected and you will have to reject others It’s not an easy thing to experience or do, but you have to understand it’s not personal. You don’t like everyone, so you can’t expect everyone to like you. This isn’t only when it comes to physical attraction either. Sometimes, the physical attraction is there, but the personalities don’t mesh Sometimes it’s the opposite, but don’t take it personally. The book The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz really helped us understand this concept of not taking anything personally.
Work on your own self-love, self-worth, and self-confidence. Without a strong foundation, the swinging lifestyle may do more harm than good to a relationship or your own self. We recommend making sure you work on self-love, know your worth, and truly understand that you are enough in all aspects. This helped us tremendously when it comes to improving our own self-confidence.
Break the ice
Speaking from experience, you can’t expect to meet people if you sit in the corner away from everyone, attached to your partner. You will look unapproachable. Swinging is a social and group activity in all aspects; you have to put yourself out there and go seek and go talk to people.
Introduce yourselves and just say hi, that’s all it takes! You can not expect people to just always come up to you and introduce themselves to you. You have to also try and put out the effort as well.
To help with this, talk to the very first person you see when you walk in. This will help break the ice for yourself and you’ll feel like you “got the hard part over with” and will be able to more easily talk to more people more comfortably!
Don’t be a hunter
This doesn’t only relate to Unicorn (single woman) Hunting, but ALL aspects of “hunting” – couples, bulls (single guys), how a specific person looks, etc.
Unicorn Hunting in particular is when a couple seeks a third (single woman) to join them sexually to ultimately fulfill their own fantasies and don’t take into consideration the other person’s wants and desires. This often dehumanizes the other person/party and makes them feel like an object or something to “check off the bucket list.” Often times, the third is left feeling like they were part of the couple’s experience, but doesn’t have an experience of their own “Hunting” in all aspects of The Lif d down upon. Treat everyone with respect and as a human and no ng to complete a fantasy.
8. How long have you been t w long have you been in the 8. How long have you been t w long have you been in the lifestyle? lifestyle?
We started dating in 2007 (15 years old), started swinging in 2014 (22 years old), and got married in 2015 (23 years old)
As of December 2024, we have been together over 17 years, married over 9 years, and swinging over 10 years. We have never broken up any time since we’ve been together. Swinging has only brought us closer and strengthened our relationship.
We created a blog post here with some outfit ideas or you can check out our Amazon Favorites where we created lists and categories of our swinger recommendations! 9. What should I wear to a swingers club/event/party/theme? 9. What should I wear to a swingers club/event/party/theme?
(2024)
Power,Control,andtheRealitiesof DominanceandSubmision
The 2024 film Babygirl, directed by Halina starring Nicole Kidman, is an erotic thriller t into themes of power, control, and self-disc narrative follows Romy Mathis (Kidman), powered CEO who embarks on a passionate her much younger intern, Samuel (Harris Dick their relationship deepens, Romy is fo confronting her boundaries, her desires, complexities of power dynamics in both he and professional life
BY NE
Unlike past films that have misrepresented dominance and submission (D/s) as abusive or exploitative, Babygirl offers a more nuanced exploration of these themes. It presents a complex and consenting relationship where both parties navigate power dynamics in a way that, while unconventional, aligns more closely with the principles of healthy dominance and submission.
In this article, we will explore how Babygirl portrays these themes and compare its depiction to the realities of D/s relationships, which are based on trust, respect, and mutual fulfillment.
The Power Dynamics in Babygirl
At its core, Babygirl is a study in contrast. Romy, a powerful executive accustomed to making decisions and maintaining control, finds herself drawn into a relationship where those dynamics shift. Samuel, though younger and less experienced, challenges her authority in ways that intrigue and destabilize her. Their interactions blur the lines between dominance and submission, raising questions about who truly holds the power in their relationship
Unlike the toxic relationships often seen in media portrayals of D/S, Romy and Samuel’s dynamic is characterized by:
Mutual Exploration – Both characters willingly engage in their relationship, discovering new aspects of themselves along the way.
Consent and Boundaries – While the age gap and professional hierarchy create power imbalances, the film portrays an ongoing negotiation of control rather than outright coercion
Psychological Complexity – Romy is not simply a passive participant. Instead, she struggles with her desire for dominance in her career while also craving surrender in her personal life.
The film does not present D/S as a simple black-and-white exchange of power. Instead, it highlights the fluidity of dominance and submission, showing that these roles are not always rigid and can shift depending on context and emotion.
Unlike in traditional relationships, D/s dynamics involve explicit conversations about boundaries, expectations, and desires before engaging in any form of power exchange Real-world dominance is not about coercion it is about mutual agreement and trust
Romy and Samuel’s relationship develops in a gray area where their l and personal boundaries blur. Clear boundaries and enthusiastic essential to ensure that both parties feel safe and respected.
A responsible Dominant does not seek to oppress or manipulate their submissive but rather to guide and support them. True Dominance requires emotional intelligence, patience, and the ability to prioritize the submissive’s well-being.
While Romy initially exerts control over Samuel due to her professional status, nship gradually shifts as she allows herself to be vulnerable. This w real D/s relationships thrive on trust and a willingness to surrender consensual and structured way
One of the biggest misconceptions about D/s is that submission equals weakness Reality is, a submissive chooses to give up control; often finding great fulfillment and emotional release in doing so.
Romy’s journey in Babygirl illustrates this internal struggle. As someone accustomed to power, she finds unexpected satisfaction in moments where she relinquishes control to Samuel. Her submission, instead of forced, is a conscious choice, highlighting the empowering nature of submission when done correctly.
Should Work in Reality
Healthy D/s relationships require constant communication, both before and after any scene or interaction. Partners discuss their limits, desires, and emotional states to ensure that both are comfortable and engaged.
In Babygirl, the communication between Romy and Samuel is often unspoken or ich can lead to misunderstandings and emotional turmoil. In real life, ioners emphasize verbal check-ins, safe words, and ongoing to maintain trust.
One of the most overlooked aspects of D/s relationships in media is aftercare the process of ensuring emotional and physical well-being after an intense scene or interaction.
Romy experiences emotional highs and lows throughout her relationship with Samuel, but the film does not explicitly show structured aftercare. In real-life D/s, aftercare is critical to ensuring that both partners feel secure, reassured, and connected after any power exchange.
Breaking Down the Myths Perpetuated in
Mainstream Media
While Babygirl offers a more layered depiction of power dynamics than many previous films, it still operates within Hollywood’s tendency to dramatize and romanticize D/s. Here are a few myths that need to be debunked:
Myths
Myth 1: D/s is About One-Sided Control – True D/s relationships are bu consent, not dominance for dominance’s sake. The submissive has j control over the relationship’s boundaries as the Dominant does.
Myth 2: Power Imbalances Automatically Equal D/s – Just because holds more power (financially, professionally, or socially) does not mean D/s relationship. Healthy D/s is intentional and structured, not incidental.
Myth 3: Women in Power Always Want to Submit – While som individuals enjoy submission as a release, this is not a universal truth. D/ are personal and vary from person to person.
Myth 4: BDSM is Rooted in Trauma – While some people explore D/s healing, many engage in it simply because it aligns with their desires and dynamics It is not inherently a result of past trauma
Babygirl (2024) presents a fascinating look at power, submission, and the complexities of human relationships Nicole Kidman’s performance brings depth to Romy’s journey, offering a portrayal of dominance and submission that is more nuanced than many previous films However, while the movie explores these themes in an engaging way, it remains a dramatized and imperfect depiction of real D/s relationships
Dominance and submission require trust, open communication, and clear consent They are not about unchecked control but about creating an environment where both partners feel safe, respected, and fulfilled While Babygirl offers an intriguing cinematic take on these dynamics, real-world D/s relationships thrive on principles that ensure emotional and physical well-being for both parties
For those curious about exploring D/s in a healthy way, it is essential to research, communicate, and establish clear boundaries because in reality, submission is not about losing control but about choosing where and how to give it
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