October 2024 by ALT LIFE Magazine

BEHIND THE SCENES C

EDITORS

LAYOUT & DESIGN

JORDON

DAN & LACY

W H A L T

L I F E ?

You may be wondering why we’v decided to launch a magazine. That’s fair question! If you’re familiar with us you know that we host one of the nation’s top podcasts on non-monogamy and get millions of views monthly on social platforms like TikTok, Instagram, and Clapper.

So why add something else to our plate and start a digital magazine? The truth is, ALT Life Magazine isn’t about us. It’s about you and the community of people who have a message to share and need a platform to do it.

This magazine is for people who may not be able to put themselves out there publicly on social media due to fear of judgment and backlash. Our journey since 2021 into becoming social media influencers for the alternative lifestyle community, the one thing that’s remained consistent is the community and the people that encompass it.

are some of e people on the planet. The world needs to hear your stories, to get to know you, to fall in love with you like we have.

Our hope is that if they can see you for who you truly are, then perhaps the hate, the stigma, and the discrimination will come to an end.

We believe one of the best ways to do that is to do what we’ve pledged to do from the beginning; to shine a little light on the community.

So, we’d like to encourage all of you to contribute, to share your stories, to be heard.

We want you to be able to show the world how truly amazing and valuable this community is. We hope that one day we can all come out of the darkness and not have to live in fear.

TTHANK HANK YYOU! OU!

Lifestyle Lifestyle A Single Male’s Perspective

on the

By: G

I’m writing today to share the perspective of an experienced single male in the lifestyle. Having been a part of this community for over seven years, I’ve seen the highs and the lows, but overall, I’ve thoroughly enjoyed the journey One of the key factors that has helped me integrate and thrive in this space is my ability to step back, read the room, and understand the dynamics between people.

Let’s face it—there’s a stigma surrounding single males in the lifestyle, and frankly, it’s often well-deserved. A few bad apples have given us a poor reputation. You might even argue that single females, often referred to as "unicorns," can introduce just as much tension into the lifestyle, but they are far more desired and their presence is more easily accepted

People often ask me, “G, how have you been able to navigate the community so well?” My answer is simple: I come into every situation with no expectations, just a desire to make genuine connections and live each day as if it were my last.

If I had to name the best part of being a single male in this space, I’d say it’s the low bar. With so many expecting so little from us, it’s surprisingly easy to exceed expectations. With just a bit of respect, good communication, and the ability to read the dynamics, you can go a long way

Of course, I’ve made my fair share of mistakes The biggest one? Assuming that a couple I was interacting with had communicated their boundaries and expectations clearly with each other. I’ve since learned that one person’s rules might not align with the other's. Being upfront and asking the right questions from the start has saved me from several undesirable situations.

Interestingly, while the expectations for single males are often low, I wonder what the expectations are for single females, and whether that leads to undue pressure on them

With this in mind, I’d argue that being a single male in the lifestyle might actually be easier in some ways

I hope this article offers you a different perspective on single males in the lifestyle Thanks for reading!

YOUR NEEDS MATTER! YOUR NEEDS MATTER!

It becomes easy to believe that the reason they weren’t available for you is because your needs weren’t that important.

However, that could not be farther from the truth.

BY: DR. ELIZABETH FEDRICK IG: @DRELIZABETHFEDRICK

Your needs, wants, and boundaries were (AND ARE!) so important … unfortunately, your Relationship Programming has taught you how to live with getting these needs and wants met, and furthermore, has likely taught you to stop even trying to get them met.

It’s okay to want a partner who …

Doesn’t leave you wondering if or when they will call or text back.

Will ask about your day and wants to share about theirs.

Values alone time & personal space; doesn’t expect 24/7 attention.

Completes tasks for you without you having to ask (and is also happy and willing to help when you do ask).

Is emotionally intelligent and is able to appropriately express their needs, wants, boundaries, opinions, and emotions.

Provides reassurance when you are struggling without saying or implying that you are “too sensitive” or “needy.”

It’s okay to want a partner who …

Follows through on their commitments to you (both big & small).

Acknowledges & appreciates your efforts towards showing up for them (even if it isn’t perfect and you don’t always get it right).

Understands that your desire for space isn’t an attack on them.

Provides patience, gentleness, and validation on your hard days.

Enjoys intimacy (physical & emotional) & can’t get enough of you

While there is most certainly not anyone out there who is going to be able to meet every single one of your needs and wants in a relationship, that doesn’t mean there aren’t plenty of people who would be able to get pretty dang close … and who would also be willing to put in efforts to learn how to show up better.

Keep in mind that needs are not only about wanting attention, time, and intimacy, but for a lot of people, is also about wanting personal space, alone time, and autonomy … and that is okay too!

All needs are valid and acceptable.

The ideal partner is not one who has all the same needs and just automatically knows how to meet yours. Rather, the ideal partner is one who makes sure you know you are worth the effort, even if meeting your needs doesn’t come naturally to them.

Advocacy and activism have been the major throughline of my life and are the primary way that I live an Alternative Lifestyle. That’s because this work is all about creating more just alternatives to dominant social, cultural, and economic systems. Today, I continue that work as the founder and director of OPEN (Organization for Polyamory and Ethical Non-monogamy), a 501c3 grassroots nonprofit working to advance legal rights and cultural acceptance for nonmonogamous families and relationships. That means that my alternative lifestyle as a non-monogamous leader is very much a part of my public identity!

HOW WOULD DO YOU DEFINE YOUR ALT LIFE?

Founder and Executive Director, OPEN (Organization for Polyamory & Ethical Non-monogamy) https://www.open-love.org

WHAT'S YOUR GUILTY PLEASURE?

Watching stupid YouTube videos in

Watching stupid YouTube videos invideos in bed while playing mobile games bed while playing mobile games while playing games

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FOOD?

THAI GREEN CURRY WITH THAI GREEN CURRY WITH GREEN CURRY TOFU! TOFU! TOFU!

HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN LIVING AN ALT LIFE? WHAT ATTRACTED YOU TO IT?

My parents took me to my first protest when I was in Middle School, which set me on a lifelong path of advocacy and activism. Over the course of my life since then, I’ve had the opportunity to explore a range of alternative lifestyles and counterculture scenes, from punk music to psychedelic culture to the sex-positive and non-monogamy scenes!

In the words of the late, great David Graeber: “The ultimate, hidden truth of the world is that it is something that we make, and could just as easily make differently.” That’s what attracts me to Alternative Lifestyles: it’s where people are actively living in ways that strive to bring about a new world that is more just, joyous, and sustainable.

HOW DID YOUR ALT LIFE BEGIN?

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE MUSIC?

My favorite band growing up was Streetlight Manifesto, who I’ve seen live easily over a dozen times. My favorite artist these days is Bright Eyes, who just released a new album [Sep 20]. I’m also a huge fan of the DJ/producer Four Tet. Two artists I love and am excited to see for the first time coming up are Vulfpeck and Sammy Virji (separately, though that would be a hell of a collab!).

WHAT IS ONE LESSON YOU HAVE LEARN ON YOUR ALT LIFE JOURNEY?

WHAT IS YOUR SEXUAL ORIENTATION? AND RELATIONSHIP STATUS?

I’m bisexual and I’m bisexual and I’m bisexual have a girlfriend. have a girlfriend. a girlfriend. (And a comet partner and a (And a comet partner and a (And a and a few lovers here and there :) few lovers here and there :) here

WHAT IS ONE THING ON YOUR BUCKET LIST YOU HOPE TO DO THIS YEAR?

While it’s not something I’ll

While it’s not something I’ll not something I’ll be able to accomplish this be able to accomplish this this year, my longest-standing year, longest-standing year, Bucket List item is to Bucket List item is to List ride my bicycle ride my bicycle ride from coast-to- from coast-to- from coast across coast across the US! the US!

TURN ONS & OFFS

Biggest turn ons:

Curiosity, compassion, playfulness

Biggest turn offs:

Close-mindedness, apathy, unkindness

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE VANILLA ACTIVITY?

Living in the Bay Area, I have access to some of the most beautiful wilderness on planet Earth! I love backpacking to immerse myself in nature where I can be far away from screens and remember how small I am.

Has living an ALT Life affected your vanilla life in a negative way due to stigmas, bias or discrimination?

I have the enormous privilege of being able to be fully open about my Alternative Lifestyle without any significant consequences. This is a product of having supportive parents, living in a socially progressive area, but perhaps most of all having privileged identities as a cisgendered white man in America.

HOW IS ONE WAY YOU ARE FIGHTING TO HELP STOP THE STIGMA YOUR ALTLIFE PRESENTS IN SOCIETY?

WHAT IS ONE THING WE CAN DO AS A COMMUNITY TO SUPPORT EACH OTHER BETTER?

Work together! Those two words are really important. Work together! Those two words are really important. Work Those words are really important.

Work: We have to step up, speak out, organize, and take real action to Work: We have to step up, speak out, organize, and take real action to Work: up, out, organize, take real action normalize non-monogamy. No one should ever have to be afraid of losing normalize non-monogamy. No one should ever have to be afraid of losing No one should ever have be of their job—not to mention their kids!—because they participate in the their job—not to mention their kids!—because they participate in the job—not they in swinger lifestyle. If we want to end the stigma, we have to do the work! swinger lifestyle. If we want to end the stigma, we have to do the work! swinger lifestyle. If want we have to

Together: Whether you’re in the lifestyle, polyamorous, a relationship

Together: Whether you’re anarchist, or something else altogether, we have enormous shared anarchist, or something else altogether, we have enormous shared anarchist, or have interests. We need to avoid factionalism and work collectively towards our interests. We need to avoid factionalism and work collectively towards our interests. factionalism work collectively

shared vision for a more accepting and inclusive future! shared vision for a more accepting and inclusive future! shared vision for more accepting

U N D E R S T A N D I N G T H E A L L U R E

O F E L E C T R O S T I M U L A T I O N

BY NE

Electrostimulation, often referred to as "electroplay," is a form of BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission, Sadism, and Masochism) that involves using electrical devices to stimulate the nerves and muscles for erotic pleasure. It's a practice that combines elements of pain and pleasure, control and surrender, making it a unique and fascinating aspect of the BDSM community.

Understanding Electrostimulation in BDSM Part 1

Electrostimulation in BDSM is distinct from the medical or therapeutic use of electrical devices. In BDSM contexts, the goal is not medical rehabilitation but the intentional exploration of sensation, power dynamics, and sometimes, endurance. The electrical currents are usually low voltage, specifically designed to avoid causing harm but instead to create pleasurable, tingling sensations or, depending on the settings, intense stimulation that can border on pain.

The devices used for BDSM electrostimulation vary widely, from simple tens units, which are commonly used in physical therapy, to more specialized equipment like violet wands and E-stim machines. These devices can be adjusted to deliver varying levels of intensity, allowing users to tailor the experience to their personal preferences or the dynamic they want to create with their partner.

The Appeal of Electrostimulation

The allure of electrostimulation in BDSM can be multifaceted. For some, the appeal lies in the unique sensations it provides electrical currents can stimulate nerves in ways that other forms of touch or impact play cannot. The feeling can range from a light tingle to a more intense, almost burning sensation, depending on the settings and the placement of the electrodes.

For others, the psychological aspects are just as compelling. Electrostimulation often involves a significant power exchange; the person administering the electrical currents (the dominant or top) has a high degree of control over the person receiving them (the submissive or bottom). This control can be both thrilling and intimidating, contributing to a heightened state of arousal or emotional intensity.

Types of Electrostimulation Devices

TENS Units

anscutaneous Electrical Nerve Stimulation (TENS) its are commonly used in BDSM for electroplay. ese devices are designed to relieve pain by sending ctrical pulses through electrodes placed on the skin. BDSM, they are repurposed to provide a wide range sensations, from mild tingling to strong muscle ntractions.

Why Use a TENS Unit for BDSM?

justable Intensity: TENS units typically have justable settings, allowing users to control the ensity of the electrical current. This makes it suitable beginners and more experienced players, as the nsation can be tailored to personal comfort levels d desired experiences.

rsatility: TENS units come with adhesive electrode ds that can be placed on different parts of the body, owing for diverse play. The sensations can vary pending on where the electrodes are placed, aking it a versatile tool for exploring different types electrostimulation.

Accessibility

and Affordability: TENS units are widely available and relatively inexpensive compared to specialized BDSM electrostimulation devices. They can be purchased from medical supply stores, pharmacies, or online retailers, making them an accessible option for those new to electro play.

How to Use a TENS Unit in BDSM

Placement of Electrodes: Placement of Electrodes:

Sensory Areas: Sensory Areas: Electrodes can be placed on Electrodes can be placed on areas of the body that are more sensitive, such areas of the body that are more sensitive, such as the inner thighs, abdomen, or buttocks. This as the inner thighs, abdomen, or buttocks. This can enhance sensations during play. can enhance sensations during play.

Muscle Areas: Muscle Areas: Placing electrodes on larger Placing electrodes on larger muscle groups like the calves or arms can muscle groups like the calves or arms can cause muscle contractions, which can range cause muscle contractions, which can range from mildly stimulating to intensely from mildly stimulating to intensely pleasurable or even uncomfortable, pleasurable or even uncomfortable, depending on the intensity settings. depending on the intensity settings.

Choosing the Right Settings: Choosing the Right Settings:

Start Low: Start Low: It’s important to start with the It’s important to start with the lowest intensity setting, especially if you’re lowest intensity setting, especially if you’re new to electro-play. Gradually increase the new to electro-play. Gradually increase the intensity to find a level that is pleasurable and intensity to find a level that is pleasurable and comfortable. comfortable.

Adjust Modes: Adjust Modes: Most TENS units have various Most TENS units have various modes that change the pattern of the modes that change the pattern of the electrical impulses (pulsing, continuous, burst). electrical impulses (pulsing, continuous, burst).

Experimenting with these modes can help Experimenting with these modes can help find the most enjoyable or stimulating find the most enjoyable or stimulating sensations. sensations.

Safety: While all electrostimulation carries some risk, TENS units are generally designed with safety in mind for therapeutic use. When used as directed and with proper precautions, they are considered a safe way to explore electrostimulation.

Safety Precautions:

Avoid Sensitive Areas: Never place electrodes on or near the head, throat, chest, or over the heart, as this can pose serious health risks. Avoid using TENS units on areas with broken skin, open wounds, or metal implants.

Avoid Moisture: Ensure that the skin is dry and free of any creams or lotions before applying electrodes, as moisture can increase the conductivity of the electrical current and lead to burns or other injuries.

Monitor Reaction: Be aware of the body's reactions. If there is any discomfort, unusual pain, or adverse reaction, stop the session immediately.

Advanced Uses of TENS Units in BDSM

Layered Sensation Play:

Combine the TENS unit with other forms of sensation play, such as impact play (spanking, flogging) or temperature play (ice, wax) to enhance the overall experience. The electrical stimulation can heighten sensitivity and add a new dimension to traditional BDSM activities.

Endurance and Control Play:

Use the TENS unit to create scenarios of endurance or control. For example, a dominant might challenge a submissive to hold a particular pose while receiving electrical stimulation or use the TENS unit to reward or punish based on the submissive’s behavior.

Teasing and Denial:

The TENS unit can be used as a tool for teasing and denial, where the dominant controls the device to bring the submissive to the brink of pleasure without allowing release. This type of play can be highly erotic and psychologically intense, enhancing the power dynamics between partners.

KEEPING OURSELVES SAFE (AND OUR DATA)

PRESSRELEASE JULY24,2024

We at the Woodhull Freedom Foundation are proud to have worked closely with the Electronic Frontier Foundation (EFF) – the leading nonprofit organization defending civil liberties in the digital world – on several briefs of amici curiae. Together, we’ve urged the Supreme Court to strike down laws in Florida and Texas that let the states dictate certain speech social media sites must carry, and we’ve called on the 9th Circuit to support the socalled “1st Amendment of the Internet” Section 230. In short, we’ve repeatedly recognized that sexual freedom and freedom go hand-in-hand.

In an age of increasing surveillance and repression, our 1st Amendment rights –and by nature, our other human rights such as the right to sexual freedom – take on new meaning. Reflecting on a salient example – Pride 2024 – Paige Collings and Daly Barnett note that for many communities, such as the LGBTQIA+ community, being protected while gathering or protesting isn’t a given. For example, according to a report accurate as of June 14, 2024, in at least 10 states since June 1, LGBTQIA+ magazine Them identified anti-LGBTQ+ vandalism and threats of violence.

Keeping ourselves and our data safe takes work: Whether you’re at a Pride parade or an activist action, you’ll likely face risks. Thankfully, EFF recently highlighted some tips for in-person events and protests, with information tailored toward LGBTQIA+ folks. And as to protest rights more generally, there are plenty of other trustworthy resources to comb through.

We know that coming together as a community – whether online or in-person, to celebrate or to advocate for change – is critical to the fight for sexual freedom. We also know that to do so safely, precautions are often advised. We encourage everyone to educate themselves on ways to minimize risk so they can continue gathering, expressing themselves, and taking action.

Consent Month

Promoting Awareness and Respect

BY: HOTDILF

Every September, organizations and communities around the world observe Consent Month, a time dedicated to raising awareness about the importance of consent in all aspects of life. While often associated with sexual relationships, consent is a broader concept that permeates various areas of our interactions, including personal boundaries, professional environments, and digital spaces. Consent Month serves as a critical reminder that understanding and respecting boundaries is fundamental to creating safe, equitable, and respectful communities.

TheImportanceofConsent

At its core, consent is about establishing clear and mutual agreements in any situation where boundaries or personal autonomy are involved. It’s a process of communication where all parties understand and agree to what is happening, ensuring that everyone involved feels comfortable, respected, and in control. In the context of sexua relationships, consent is essential fo ethical and legal reasons. However, it als applies to everyday interactions, such a respecting someone’s personal space asking before sharing persona information, or ensuring that all partie are comfortable with a decision in a grou setting.

Consent is not just a one-time agreement but a continuous process. It involves checking in, being aware of non-verbal cues, and being open to changes in someone's comfort level. This ongoing communication is crucial in maintaining healthy relationships

TheOriginsofConsentMonth

Consent Month was established to provide a focused period during which organizations and individuals can engage in activities that promote a deeper understanding of consent. This initiative was born out of the recognition that despite increased awareness of the concept of consent, there is still much work to be done in educating people about what consent truly means and how to practice it in everyday life.

Educational institutions, non-profit organizations, and advocacy groups often lead the charge during Consent Month, organizing workshops, seminars, and campaigns that address topics such as sexual consent, workplace harassment, digital privacy, and more. The goal is to foster a culture where consent is normalized and practiced across all facets of society.

HowtoParticipateinConsentMonth

There are many ways to get involved in Consent Month, whether individually or as part of a community. Here are some key activities and ideas:

Educate Yourself and Others

2 3 4

Take the time to learn about the principles of consent and how they apply in various contexts. Share this knowledge with friends, family, and colleagues to help spread awareness.

Attend Workshops and Seminars

Many organizations host events during Consent Month that offer valuable information and tools for understanding and practicing consent. These events can be in-person or online, making them accessible to a wide audience.

Support Advocacy Groups

Consider donating to or volunteering with organizations that work year-round to promote consent education and prevent sexual violence. Your support can help amplify their impact.

Promote Consent in Everyday Interactions

Practice asking for and giving consent in your daily life. This could be as simple as asking a friend if they’re comfortable with a hug or checking in with a colleague before assigning them a task.

Use Social Media for Awareness

Use your social media platforms to raise awareness about Consent Month. Share informative posts, support advocacy campaigns, and engage in conversations that highlight the importance of consent.

TheRoleofOrganizationsandInstitutions

While individual efforts are crucial, organizations and institutions also play a significant role in promoting consent. Schools, universities, and workplaces can implement policies and training programs that emphasize the importance of consent, helping to create safer environments for everyone. Additionally, media outlets and social platforms can use their reach to educate the public about consent and challenge harmful behaviors that undermine it

Conclusion

Consent Month is more than just a period of awareness; it is a call to action for everyone to reflect on how they can contribute to a culture of respect and mutual understanding. By prioritizing consent in our interactions, we can foster healthier relationships, prevent harm, and build communities where everyone feels valued and safe. As Consent Month continues to grow in visibility and impact, it is an opportunity for all of us to renew our commitment to upholding the principles of consent in every aspect of our lives.

SOBRIETY IN THE LS

Hi, My name is Levi and I'm an alcoholic. After 25 years, I decided to get sober and it was one of the best decisions I've ever made.

BY: A VIKING

The choice to live a life of sobriety is more often than not a very difficult process. I can't speak for everyone, but at least for myself, the urges don't come during the "doom and gloom" times, but more during the fun and social situations. This can be especially difficult in the lifestyle, as people often use alcohol to "take the edge off" or to "loosen up" – and 9 times out of 10 alcohol is readily available.

Those factors can test a person's willpower in a big way. You see your friends drinking, laughing, and having fun, and your mind can begin to have those intrusive thoughts of feeling "left out" or maybe "one or two drinks won't hurt." These are the urges that hit the hardest in my experience.

It is very important to remember why you made the decision to get sober and that YOU CAN HAVE FUN WITHOUT DRINKING. Yes, alcohol can "take the edge off" –HOWEVER, as that drink wears off, the anxiety, depression, and irritability sets back in even stronger. For me, if I can justify one beer, I can justify 23 more.

The lifestyle community has some of the most supportive and uplifting people I have ever encountered, and they will more than likely praise your decision to remain sober in such an environment. And there are definitely some upsides to not drinking in LS situations. Fellas, you already know ... no booze means no whiskey dick! Ladies, there's a lot less chance of evacuating your stomach when givin’ that hawk tuah!

There's also a lot less chance of making a regrettable decision, and you'll have the ability to give ENTHUSIASTIC CONSENT, which is the most important thing in a lifestyle situation. Being sober in the lifestyle is not impossible, just make sure you are in a confident place in your journey of sobriety and are mentally prepared for the temptation. Maybe drink cokes or NA beers so you have that feeling of inclusion or step out for a moment if you feel the urges becoming too strong. Remember, this is YOUR life decision and you made it for a very good reason.

BY: AEROROSES & EVILLE1984

{Eville1984 & Aeroroses have been together for 17+ years and married for 12 years Our lifestyle journey began in November 2022 and quickly evolved, giving us experience in full swaps, group play, threesomes, hotwife/hothusband, and same-sex play styles

QUESTION: QUESTION:

We’ve been in the LS for a couple of years as a full swap couple and We’ve been in the LS for a couple of years as a full swap couple and are interested in breaking out into solo play. We’re nervous about are interested in breaking out into solo play. We’re nervous about doing it because we don’t want it to complicate our relationship. We doing it because we don’t want it to complicate our relationship. We don’t want each other to feel left out and we worry that alone time don’t want each other to feel left out and we worry that alone time with someone could create more intimate feelings for that person. with someone could create more intimate feelings for that person. Would you recommend trying this dynamic? Would you recommend trying this dynamic?

We have seen this question asked a lot in different groups and it can definitely be a more complicated dyamic. It requires very open communication between a couple, the utmost trust, and a lot of partner vetting. Couples who start out with a traditional fullswap dynamic and navigate that well; with clear communication and boundaries in place may be able to more easily transition to solo play because you already have a strong foundation. It’s extremely important to keep lines of communication flowing, especially if either of you are feeling uneasy about playing separately at any time. You should first discuss how you want to play solo; will you be a hotwife or hothusband couple, or maybe both; a stag/vixen couple, or cuck/cuckquean? Some couples only have one person in the relationship that plays separately, while others, like ours, allow both partners to play separate.

Let’s define the above play-styles first:

Hotwife/Hothusband

A married wife or husband who is enthusiastically encouraged by their spouse to pursue solo sexual relationships with other men or women often in pursuit of fulfilling a partner’s or couple’s fantasies. Often the other spouse may watch or possibly join. Watching can be done in person, virtually, or receive pictures/videos during or after play.

Stag/Vixen

A stag is a man who likes to share his wife (without humiliation). He enjoys watching her receive pleasure, but does not play with other women. A vixen is a woman who does not degrade or humiliate her husband. Instead she uses her play to turn him on. A vixen always plays with her partner present.

Cuck/Cuckquean

Cuck is a man who enjoys watching his partner have sex with other men, particularly receiving pleasure from being humiliated by the wife and/or her other sexual partner. The cuck does not join in on the play. A Cuckquean is a woman who enjoys watching her partner have sex with another woman, while being humiliated and/or degraded during the act. Both are considered kinks that are done for each other’s pleasure.

The core difference between Stag/Vixen and Cuck/Cuckquean lies in the power dynamic. In the former, the nonparticipating party still has power in the play scenario to direct or join in as desired. In the latter, power is relinquished by the party that is not playing and they submit to the will of their partner. It’s important to mention, and we think something that often gets hung up on, that you don’t have to let these roles define your entire dynamic. You can play these scenarios and still identify as a full swap couple. One particular play scenario does not change how you define yourself, and this is how we approach solo play. We very much consider ourselves primarily a full swap couple that also engages in solo play dynamics.

Our experience; how we addressed concerns, and how we include each other:

We first got started in the lifestyle with hotwife fantasies, but our first experience was in full swap. We continued with full swap, group play, and threesomes for a while before circling back to solo play. That first experience came the morning after a MFM threesome where we had decided to stay the night (in a separate bedroom) at the host’s house. The next morning,I (Eville1984) encouraged her to go play solo with him in his bedroom. After some discussion, she made her way upstairs while I waited 2 floors down. After some time spent in silence, I made my way upstairs, and after making it to the top of the stairs, heard them in the middle of play in the bedroom. I didn’t watch, only listened, outside the door from the stairwell. This was an intensely arousing experience, and afterward we decided it was something that we wanted to pursue further.

Our second experience was in our own home, when a mutual friend and play partner came to stay with us. My husband and our friend had a quickie together in the bathroom, while I (aeroroses) was downstairs working. Of course, both of these experiences were only sort-of solo sessions-both being in the same house with our partner while we were each there, and with people whom we’d already played with previously. It was our baby step to playing solo. Eventually, we started to allow each other separate play time at LS clubs and events; always with rules in place: ask permission first, keep doors and/or windows open, and tell each other where you’ll be. We’ve even allowed each other to go to play partner’s homes and play, completely separate from one another. Our requirement for this type of play is that photos, videos, or snaps be taken for and/or sent to the spouse that’s sitting out. This is not only super hot to watch together later, but also allows the other person to have some transparency into the session.

Our solo journey has not been without issue though. We’ve had our share of arguments over who plays solo more, jealousness over solo chats and connections with certain people, and rules broken. Each experience is an opportunity for us to reflect on, after any initial conflict has subsided, and discuss if anything needs to change. For example, my (aeroroses) personal taste has shifted during our journey. I used to like to watch him play with other women, whether or not I was involved, but have since decided that I don’t particularly like to just sit on the sidelines with no involvement, so at times I’ll excuse myself or not be present at all. For us, this works and is okay. It’s important to know that what works for us might not work for you, and the same for other couples. We sometimes even discuss and adapt our solo play rules depending on the circumstance, such as a particular type of event or depending on who we’re with, as we have people we’re very close to and in our circle of trust for playing solo with.

As far as the dynamic itself and the difference between a same room full swap, they’re just… different. In our personal opinion, one isn’t necessarily better than the other, however we always prefer same-room play, as we enjoy the shared experience and all of the possibilities with it. What solo play can offer is a very strong connection in the moment with the partner you’re playing with. There is always, for lack of a better term, a “distraction” in full swap or group play with taking in the total experience of the entire room. Solo play removes this and allows you to pour your energy entirely into the partner you are with, allowing for a powerful sexual connection. This is something to consider if you’re thinking about breaking into this space, and you need to be comfortable with yourself and your partner fully letting go in the moment. It can be very intense and rewarding, and surprisingly can create a stronger desire to reconnect with your partner afterward. We have had some very intense sex when the other has returned home.

Because of this intense connection in the moment, there can also be concerns about intimate connections spilling over from the play session. This is where communication and transparency with your partner is paramount, as well as concrete rules and boundaries. If you do start to engage in solo play, you may set a rule that all communication around it be in a group format and no solo communication happens. While this does allow for full visibility, it can feel a bit awkward to some to get spicy in a chat where one or more people are sitting completely out. Some couples also have an “open phone policy” where either party can view one on one conversations the other is having at any time if asked. The bottom line is that your communication methods with your partner during this are your own, and whatever you choose should be based in a healthy and trust filled way.

Most of our experiences have been with people we know or friends of friends. We’ve never gone out solo with unfamiliar people we’ve met through LS dating sites, however this is very common for a lot of hotwife/hothusband couples. Our advice if you seek this type of experience is to vet partners really well. Engage in group conversations with them first, and discuss boundaries, so both people are comfortable with going solo. And most importantly, know where the person is going and when they’re supposed to leave. Location tracking apps like Snap or Life360 are great for this. Safety for everyone involved should be paramount.

To close this out, our personal recommendation on entering the solo play space is that it is a very fun and intense dynamic that opens the lifestyle door to further experiences and increased intimacy. If this is something you are interested in, have a lengthy and honest discussion with your partner on what you hope to obtain by engaging in it, and understand that it is a completely different frontier than engaging in play together.

Have a question or seeking some advice? Submit your anonymous questions to us via the Swinger Society Discord under #MagazineChat and find the link to submit under the pinned posts; or go to https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/RMDWQTV

BY: JSWINGWIFE216 (VIA MEMBER STORY SUBMISSION)

p y g g g s for so long always has its challenges. This time definitely proved that.

Mark and his wife had found a unicorn, or rather, she’d found them. While it seemed the unicorn was simply going after Mark, Marie tried to put herself out there and flirt with her as they talked via text.

The night at the club, Marie approached her first and made her introduction while Mark put their drinks in the fridge. After he joined them, they talked for a while, then walked around the play area waiting for a room to open up and listening to the sounds of other people enjoying the night. Mark and the unicorn kissed a few times, and the unicorn made it clear she was only after him.

That was fine, as Marie had no experience playing with another woman and felt like watching Mark play with someone else was a big enough step for herself that night. Finally a room became available. Marie and the unicorn let Mark spank them both, then Marie made sure Mark was hard before stepping to the side.

It was his first time playing with someone besides Marie, so it was his first time wearing a condom in 12 years besides the couple of times in the last week he’d worn one with Marie so as not to be totally inexperienced. Mark and the unicorn played for a bit, and as he finished, he pulled out.

But as he pulled out and grabbed a hold of himself, the condom ripped on his wedding ring. From Marie’s perspective, she couldn’t tell if it broke as he was pulling out or after.

Thankfully, Mark told Marie as she grabbed towels for each of them that he was completely out before it ripped. But they definitely decided that night it would be better for Mark to use his right hand when playing with others so there wouldn’t be another messy ripped condom episode.