It’s Not Easy Being Nick

Nick Roberson is a long-time mortgage industry veteran and a board member of the California Association of Mortgage Professionals. He’s a forthcoming and giving guy, who shares his … unique … perspective on work and life on his Facebook account. Here are some of Nick’s FB thoughts this month:

Apair of cows were talking in the field. One says, “Have you heard about the Mad Cow disease that’s going around?”

“Yeah,” says the other cow. “It makes me glad I’m a penguin.”

My girl is learning a lot in college. She is now refining the art of the long-con.

For the last few months, every now and then, she would end a conversation with, “I’m getting a piercing” or “I’m getting a tattoo.”

I always laugh and say, “Alright, go ahead. You are so funny.”

As I mentioned, this has been going on for quite some time. Yesterday, I laughed and asked her why she keeps saying it. She said, “You think I’m joking, but one of these days, I am going to get one. Then you will ask me why I didn’t tell you, and I will reply, I have told you several times. I will also note that each time you told me to ‘Go ahead.’”

Hmm, I am now looking at conversations with her like a game of Scrabble. I put down a simple word and the next thing I know, she turns it into a tripleword score. This game is not over, my little grasshopper. • • •

Have you ever been walking out of a store carrying several bags, and one of them somehow gets stuck on a door handle catching you by surprise, pulling your arm back so hard that you get PTSD about the time you were 5 years old and veered too far outside of your mom’s “stay with me” zone, and she pulled you back so hard and fast that your arm was 3 inches longer than the other one for a week? Yeah … that just happened.

Why do ducks have feathers? To cover their butt quacks!

A duck walks into a bar and says, “Do you have duck food here?”

The bartender says, “No,” and the duck leaves.

The duck comes back the next day and says, “Do you have duck food?”

The bartender says, “No!” and the duck leaves.

The duck comes back the next day and says, “Do you have any duck food?” The bartender says, “I already told you ‘No’ twice! If you come back and ask me again, I’m going to nail your feet to the floor!”

The duck comes back the next day and says, “Do you have any nails?”

The bartender says, “No.”

And the duck says, “Do you have any duck food?”

I’m not totally useless. I can be used as a bad example.

You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.

Licking someone’s face is a quick and 100% foolproof way of ending a conversation. •

Remember how when you were little, you could rip off your diaper and run around naked and everyone thought it was funny and cute? Anyway, I need bail money. •

“They dared me to” is always a valid excuse. •

Man Day began several years ago in response to my mother’s complaint that perhaps I shouldn’t click “Like” on posts for art, theater, ballet, fine dining, and other things deemed by her to be less than manly. Out of respect for my mother, Man Day was created to celebrate the art of manliness.

Man Day has no specific calendar day, no Hallmark cards and no gifts are warranted (except for whiskey, steaks, and bacon, which are always welcome). Simply a day selected at random as a man sees fit. So take note Mom, I declare Friday to be Man Day. Because I am a Man and I can. n

To see more by Nick,just go to www.facebook.com/nickroberson