Women Mentoring Women: Five Steps to Maximize Your Legacy

WOMEN MENTORING WOMEN

FIVE STEPS TO MAXIMIZE YOUR LEGACY

BY LAILA KHAN

One of my first mentors was my mother. She is a retired professor of English Literature and Library Sciences. I remember her dragging my sister and me from one university campus to another campus as she studied for her master’s degree or as she taught classes. We would spend hours in the library, cafeteria, and student union, playing hopscotch and video games right outside her classes.

Afterward, we would come home, and my mother would go straight to the kitchen, make dinner, and then sit us at the kitchen table and go over our lessons for the day. My mom was my super woman, and every time I had challenges, I would absorb all of her direction and guidance. Her words of wisdom, hard work ethic, and persistence for success and survival gave me the tools to weather any storm ahead, and I remember feeling so fortunate to have her in my corner.

I still do, so many years later.

This is what mentorship means.

Back in the day, when I used to think of mentorship, it wasn’t something I wanted. I would envision someone much older, set in their own ways, imposing their methodology on me. The idea of having someone break down my goals and assess my career path was stressful; it felt a lot like parenting or micromanaging.

Thinking back, it just makes me realize that my whole perception and understanding was wrong. I was being mentored and I didn’t even know it, and I am still benefiting from it today. I have a handful of mentors in my life, and even today, every now and then when I’m in a bind, I call them up and use them as a sounding board.

Mentorship is an incredibly valuable relationship that can change your life; and likewise, by giving a little of yourself, you can change someone else’s life.

I grew up in a time where I didn’t actually see many female leaders or have many mentors easily accessible. This makes female role models even more valuable. How incredibly valuable are those female mentors who showed us what is possible. How incredibly valuable is the opportunity to do the same for tomorrow’s female leaders.

Here are five steps to maximize your legacy through mentoring women:

1. Recognize you have so much to offer.

Yes, YOU. No one is short of providing value and contributing to the betterment of others. Everything someone has taught you is now a part of you; you have gathered all of these gifts and consolidated them in a way that is completely unique. Your set of experiences is also unique.

Together, everything you have gathered and learned can shed light for someone else.Women often take their achievements for granted, but as you start sharing, you realize just how valuable your history is.

What we owe in return to our role models is to pay it forward. Share those stories with someone who needs to see that their efforts will pay off someday. Offer advice to someone who is struggling. Listen to someone who needs a sounding board. Value the gift that you are now in a position to be a role model and support someone else’s growth. As you lead by example, they will pay it forward as well.

2. Mentoring doesn’t have to be a one-way street.

You will find that as you open your heart, it can benefit you as much as it does your mentee. Mentorship creates a community that consists of more seasoned colleagues, leaders, younger colleagues, and industry peers faced with challenges just like us. If you’re mentoring someone younger or from a different space, there is a mutual benefit as we look through each other’s lenses and exchange ideas from our own perspectives. I find that when I set out to help someone, I end up learning valuable insights from them as well. Whether or not you set out to form a collaboration, that is what it often becomes in the end. Our diverse experiences provide an authentic and mutually beneficial pathway to excelling in our spaces and expanding our networks.

3. Chemistry is important

When seeking a mentor or taking a mentee under your wing, it’s important to gravitate to them naturally. You have to have a good vibe and comfortable feeling when connecting so you can both open up to sharing goals, achievements, and vulnerabilities.

It is worth taking that risk to open up to another person. Mentors can provide critical guidance in breaking down the barriers we build up in our own heads; barriers that cause us to not see our full potential. Looking at ourselves through someone else’s eyes can equip us with the ability to transcend our own expectations. The benefits are invaluable.

As a mentee, ask your leaders to evolve and broaden their horizons. As a mentor, see your mentee’s strengths that they might not know they possess and provide the honest, positive feedback that is all too rare. Show women what they are capable of achieving.

4. Do not gate-keep your connections

Networking is critical in today’s world. We each have a unique network, and that's an incredible resource for your mentee. Make your network accessible so that your mentee can benefit. Empower her with invitations to speak and attend exclusive events, write for publications, meet industry leaders, and make meaningful connections. A selfish benefit for you is that it takes the pressure off of you to provide your mentee with everything she needs. They can use new opportunities as a springboard to gather all kinds of knowledge and opportunities, which they can use to advance themselves.

As you make those connections, be mindful and deliberate in pairing people together. This is an area where a small effort can have tremendous effects. One connection you make, perhaps at no cost beyond the time it takes to send an email introducing two people, can change the trajectory of someone’s future.

Don’t be shy to ask your mentee to share her connections as well. There are many obstacles each of us must overcome, and mentors can be helpful in creating relationships, building networks, and inviting you to participate in exclusive forums.

As a mentee, understand that mentors are taking a risk in putting forth your name. Appreciate the responsibility as well as the opportunities it brings. This effort on your mentor’s part provides priceless opportunities for you to demonstrate your ability to perform and deliver.

5. Have your mentee’s best interest at heart

Your mentee’s success is your success, and her growth is your legacy. What an incredible truth to really internalize. Your legacy is not limited to your own actions; it extends throughout future generations via anyone you touch and anyone with whom that person shares what they gained from you.

As a mentor, we have to have our mentee’s best interest at heart. Mentorship conversations are often raw and honest, and trust is essential. When

someone is headed in the wrong direction, provide clarity and direction. By the same token, see her potential and point that out as well.

Good mentors don’t have to have all the answers; simply offering unconditional support is an invaluable benefit, especially during turbulent times. Mentorship is a true and genuine relationship that flourishes through time and experiences.

During a time of challenges, it’s more important than ever to resist the instinct to scale back and retreat into ourselves. Instead, think about broadening your impact. Current times offer incredible potential for us to move forward and reconfigure the scene with which we’re faced.

Sir Isaac Newton said, “If I have seen further it is by standing on the shoulders of giants.”

To everyone you uplift, you are that giant. In that role of a giant, enable others to benefit from whatever knowledge you have gained.

Expand your influence and impact through mentorship and watch your legacy grow.

The Best Advice

Changing someone’s life through mentorship is altruistic in a way, but it benefits you as well. It maximizes your legacy in building and empowering women (and men!). Every time we give back, we give a little of ourselves, and before you know it, your contributions have turned into an impactful force, benefitting so many other people.

We have to make choices about how we will spend our time. Time is a valuable commodity. But allocating some of our time and effort to mentor others is an investment that will last far beyond many of the other activities we do in the course of a day. We can make a mark on the people we touch, on the future.

In short, while providing support to others as a mentor, open yourself up to the possibility of being a mentee in this journey called life. Put your best self forward and don’t shy away from the hard work that comes with it. When you invest in a project or effort, add value and own your work. Ensure it’s something you are truly proud of, and autograph it with your unique signature.

Always take a few moments to reassess and recalibrate frequently, and be the giant for someone else.

Laila Khan currently serves as the Assistant Vice President of Marketing and Communications at Guidance Residential. Laila is active across the industry in organizations, as a speaker and as a contributor to publications. She’s been recognized as a Top 20 Sales, Marketing, and PR Trailblazer, a recipient of the MBA Diversity and Inclusion Scholarship, and was recently awarded the 2020 Women With Vision Award from 20/20 Vision Coaching. Laila lives outside of Washington D.C. with her husband and three children.