6 minute read
Clap Yourself
Helping Students to Recognize Their Accomplishments
By Didi Arias
An accomplishment is what one achieves when they use their skills. That seems simple enough, yet so many students don’t know how to recognize or realize when they have successfully completed a task. They go home, say they had a “lousy ride” and that they “accomplished nothing”, possibly because academic, workplace and general life bars are set very high these days. We are met with a daily barrage of emphasis being placed on being the best, fastest, smartest, most attractive, etc. Because something isn’t “-est”, or “-er”, efforts may not seem sufficient or noteworthy, which can lead to a feeling of “not being good enough” and a lack of self-esteem and confidence.
I remember how a student responded when I congratulated her on her first, successful shoulder-in:
“Oh, really?”, “I thought it would feel like something more” she replied.
“Were you expecting fireworks and a shower of gifts from the Dressage Gods?” I teasingly asked.
“Maybe”, she laughed, “I just thought it would somehow be larger and better.” (That “-er” word again—she said so herself).
Ihave a musician friend from Ghana who has a very endearing expression when somebody does something that deserves a pat on the back. “Clap yourself!” he shouts, with a genuine smile and hearty applause. This expression alone and his accompanied enthusiasm is enough to make anyone smile and feel good about what they just did. He runs a charity for the education of underprivileged children, street kids actually, and has a way of encouraging people who have perhaps never had much sense of self-worth feel good about themselves as they learn. Clapping yourself helps to increase positive emotions such as happiness, self-respect and self-confidence. My friend is right, clapping yourself really works!
How can we help students to feel good about their accomplishments? First, we have to help them to recognize them—if you don’t know what you’re looking at you don’t know how to feel about it. The lady who expected earth tremors when she did her shoulder-in had a higher expectation of what it would actually feel like; perhaps that was my fault or perhaps she had been bottle feeding herself on viewing Olympic movers on the internet. Teaching the signs of what to expect in any exercise helps to give the student clarity and an assuredness in what to look for. Unfortunately, we humans tend to focus too much on the negative and sometimes progress can go unnoticed and unremarked upon; but boy, when something goes wrong everyone hears about it! When a student doesn’t recognize a job well done, if it isn’t pointed out by the instructor (not to mention the horse’s input), then a lack of self-esteem or confidence can develop as their efforts may seem insignificant. A cloud of negative self-doubt can roll in and plans, hopes and dreams can drift away, and that can include the joy of riding.
A student lacking in self-appreciation of their efforts may be frustrated or confused, afraid to make a mistake, or just scared. We have to help them understand that riding well is something that is done over time, with lots of little failures, and a whole lot of little successes along with
some big ones, too. It’s like having a riding bank savings account, with each little success being popped in to the account. Pretty soon these add up and before they know it, they’ve got assets in the bank. This “money” is an accumulation of their achievements, and achievements are the highlights of ability. That’s something to think about. As one student put it, “Didi, when you talk money, that makes lots of good sense!” So glad I could be of help in her finance department.
Show your student how to highlight their own work by having them assess what they put in their riding accounts by helping them to create memories on how those savings got put in there by looking back on the moments that they are proud of. Then have them quantify those memories with a “bank statement” of facts: they rode that difficult horse/course, that day they cracked riding with no stirrups, completed that test, entered that show, etc. Each one of those facts are clap yourself account deposit accomplishments and should be highlighted in indelible yellow
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The secret is in the sand
so nobody can miss them. Have your student revisit their goal sheets that you both set out, worked on and revised over time.
Once they start checking things off that list they’ll be surprised by
how many achievements they need to recognize, and then some. Some people like to journal or keep diaries and I totally recommend some writing time to keep an achievement journal, sort of
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like a riding ‘curriculum vitae’. They will be surprised how many pages they can fill up.
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In general, negative talk likes to squiggle in when we let our
guard down, so one has to be quick to recognize it for what it is, useless and ugly, and send it packing. My psychologist friend AD Amanda ARIA.indd 1
says to use a simple word to help curb this tendency: “yet”. “I’ll never be able to do …. (fill in the blank). Respond to your student with a “yet”, followed with a question as to why they feel this way, and perhaps an explanation on how it can be achievable, or whether or not it is even a reasonable goal. If the goal is a Big Dream, that fits nicely in to the conversation because none were ever achieved with negative self-talk, though lots of negative responses from others were probably encountered along the way. On the contrary, the successful Big Dreamers are positive thinkers who tackled the odds, clapped themselves on their backs, and disregarded the nay-sayers. They believe in themselves and back it up by putting in the work.
Of course, clapping oneself on the back isn’t really physical (it’s kind of awkward), and there are loads of ways to self-reward. I know a lady who made a huge, life-changing decision and importantly, followed through on it. She then proudly treated herself with a nice and pricey gold ring to celebrate the event, which gave her constant reinforcement every time she looked at it. This same lady also started collecting objects, carefully and sensibly rewarding herself with a new collectible when she felt that she truly earned a prize when she accomplished another one of her set goals. The emphasis is that each of these prizes were earned, ➢ continued on page 21
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