6 minute read
Don’t Avoid Conflict, Negotiate It
It is virtually impossible for an individual to live their life conflictfree. Conflicts vary in sizes and styles, and the way people handle them vary even more. Reasons why conflicts become damaging to a relationship is not only because of content but also from destructive conflict management styles.
Every relationship encounters conflict. As riding instructors, conflicts may arise between our students, boarders, barn staff, other instructors, farriers, veterinarians, show personnel, and various vendors. It is essential to manage these conflicts constructively in order to maintain positive relationships. You Already Have Experience
The good news is, you are already well experienced. You have negotiated with your family on what you will have for dinner. You have negotiated the price of a car, loan payments, and directions on the best way to get to a destination.
As a horse professional, you have most likely negotiated the price of a horse, a rental or purchase agreement on a stable, show dates with your students, or scheduling times with the vet and farrier.
While focusing on your role as a riding instructor, the following information provides a general outline for negotiation strategy. One-Sided Solutions are Never Successful The most successful negotiator will not look at the two sides as winners and losers, but rather as teammates, working together to achieve a uniting goal. Both sides must come into agreement for both to be winners.
You are already aware how essential it is for a horse and rider to get along with one another in order to achieve success. This must also be true for the relationship between instructor and student. A successful relationship is not dependent on the personality types and friendship in this case, but rather if both sides are able to communicate openly and honestly without retribution.
In this relationship there is no room for strong or weak sides. It is a common perception that riding instructors and trainers are superior while their students are inferior. With this imbalance, students will always be at a disadvantage when it comes to negotiations and will never feel satisfied. Always remember to set your ego aside and strive for an equal partnership with your student. Happy customers at the end of the day are better customers. They will attract the right students that you want to fill your barn.
On the flip side, some instructors feel like they need to give their services away
Conflict
A student notifies her riding instructor that her schedule at work has changed and she must also change her lesson time she has kept for several years. She requests moving her time from Wednesday nights at 6 to Tuesday night at 6. The instructor only teaches children on Tuesday nights and has no availability for the rider at that time.
One sided
One sided
Both parties
The instructor yields in an effort to make the client happy and adjust her Tuesday schedule to have the rider come in at her desired time.
The instructor refuses to move her lesson time, telling her student that she can bring her riding clothes to work and she can make it to the barn in time for her lesson. For goodness sake, can’t her husband make dinner for once?
While Tuesday at 6 is currently unavailable, there is some availability on Thursday night and some times available on the weekend. When the student started considering these options she thought about her Saturday schedule and imagined herself being more relaxed and less pressed for time. Together they made the decision to move her lesson time to Saturdays at 2.
Lesson prices are too high. Lesson prices are too low.
My costs are rising, I need to pay less for lessons and boarding. I found stables that charge less. My costs are rising, I need to charge more for lessons and boarding. I know stables that charge more.
I don’t get as much attention as other riders in group lessons. The rider seems shy and never asks questions, I do my best to be approachable.
I pay a lot of money for my lessons, I should be riding a better horse and placing better at the horse shows. If the rider showed up to her lessons on time and would increase her budget for a nicer horse, she would place better at horse shows.
in order to help their students. Notice how this is also one-sided. Helping out a student by giving away instruction might make you feel good in that moment, but over time resentment could grow. Two Perceptions Each individual will have their own perception and therefore a position. To negotiate through a conflict successfully it is important to identify both sides and the merits and emotions behind them.
When it comes to negotiation it is important not to get caught up in your position. Locking into your own point of view will limit your understanding. In doing this, you can start focusing on the problems, instead of on the individual. Do You Really Disagree? With the desire to move the relationship forward, search for mutual interests to reach some common ground to build on. Move past the position each side has taken and reveal what each side wants.
Now that both sides can agree, it’s time to collaborate on solutions to the problem. It’s All About Communication It is common for riding instructors to feel the need to be independent problem solvers, but this is not always the case. Be sure to include your client in the conversation as it is critical that both sides actively participate in problem solving. Have you ever heard phrases like, “I wish I was notified before…” or “You didn’t give me an alternative…”? Don’t make the mistake in assuming you know what’s best.
At the end of the day, remember their success is your success. When presented with conflict with your student, keeping communication open and honest is crucial. Remember to work like teammates tasked with a complex problem that can only be solved by collaboration.
Here is a list of tips to keep in mind when communicating in negotiations with your riders or boarders: • Keep your student separate from the problem at all times. Remove all personal attacks and name calling. • “I feel” statements are very helpful in providing the other side insight into how you are thinking. • Be a good listener. • Technology has made communication quick and convenient but it is inefficient in conflict mediation. In-person meetings are still best and if possible, meet in a neutral area. • It is ok to share your emotions but refrain from emotional outbursts, and avoid responding to them. I Have This One Student… With these tips, things can still go wrong. Most likely you have encountered a difficult client; we all have. These are the dubious barn-wreckers who do not want to listen, refuse to show up, never call back, talk to others in the stable, and seem to never go away (even long after they have moved on to the next stable). We can acknowledge that these individuals do exist, but that does not mean we have to accept defeat. The skill of negotiation is similar to learning a balanced seat; it takes time and practice.
I hope this general overview of negotiation will be useful in your day-to-day life as well as in your career. Start by identifying when you encounter conflicts and how you resolve them. With further practice this skill can be especially useful to help mediate other conflicts, including between borders or other students.
Don’t avoid conflict, negotiate it!
About the author: Christine Olsen has 15 years of experience in the industry as a rider, trainer, clinician and instructor. She provides mobile coaching services through Northern Illinois and enjoys sharing her passion for horses with her students.
Conflict
After several complaints of the arena being too crowded during his lesson time, the student requests no other riders are allowed in the arena while he rides.
Student
I want quality lessons to help me reach my goals.
Instructor
I want to teach quality lessons to help riders reach their goals.
