Cameo’s Cauldron Feelings as Information

… in which Cameo Miller stirs her thoughts and ideas to see what rises to the top.

Feelings as Information

By Cameo Miller Illustration by Bethany Caskey

Emotions are running high right now, and they have been for quite a while. There is a lot of fear, anxiety, and anger out there. There are lots of other feelings flying around too. So I thought I’d do a quick primer on feelings this time to help people understand what they are and how to deal with them.

First, a short course on feelings in general. The experts have decided there are four basic feelings—happy, sad, fearful and angry, with a diversity of degrees, combinations and variations of each subsumed under these. Each of these tells us a specific thing about what is happening to us at that moment. Happy, of course, tells us that things are going as we would like them to and we should try to keep these people, behaviors, items, creatures, etc. around as much as possible. Sad tells us that we have difficult. Maybe it takes you two hours to lost something important to us—a friend, recover after they leave. As you begin to a special time, the realization that somediscover what is underlying your anger, one else cannot enjoy what we find joy in, you can better decide on the best course etc. Fear tells us we are in danger of beof action. Depending on which of the reaing physically hurt or killed (whether the sons you decided upon, there are now sevdanger is real or perceived as real by us). eral courses of action open to resolve each Anger tells us that we are being harmed in problem. You can check what you are doing some way other than physically. Prevailing with a colleague to make sure you are doing theory says that people and events cannot the best you can, you can move them to a make us feel things; it is only our percepdifferent day when you have fewer clients tion of something that causes it to profor them to “infect” or clients who will be duce certain emotion in us. I partly agree. better able to deal with it, or put them at A roller coaster ride is the end of the day when exhilarating for one you can do something person and terrifying fun and relaxing afterto the next—it’s the same ride, but the perception of it is different. Where I disagree is that rather than try“ A roller coaster ride wards. You don’t have to feel guilty because you “shouldn’t” feel angry at a client, you don’t have to kick them out of ing to change the peris exhilarating for one the program to get rid ception of the event, of your anger, you don’t I use the FEELING person and terrifying even have to quit being AS INFORMATION. to the next—it’s the angry at them (although Events and people you may find that is can cause you to feel same ride, but the what happens once you something, and that feeling is very importperception of it is deal with the problem more effectively). ant information if you different. You’ve listened to the listen to it. information the feeling The next important concept is that feelings are NOT action. People are often dis” is trying to impart, and have processed that information through your brain to arrive at the best possible solution. mayed by anger because they see a direct If people don’t recognize what the anger is and immediate connection between the trying to tell them, feel powerless to deal anger and an unpleasant action. Our action with the situation, or feel they won’t be needs to be filtered through our brain—we able to handle the knowledge once they need to consciously decide on an action do know it, they are likely to react. And the rather than just allow a reaction. Let’s look cause of the anger continues to occur beat a quick example: You have a client who cause the message was never received and is never satisfied and always negative about an appropriate solution not arrived at. everything; they’re starting to make you angry. What is the “harm” they are doing to It is very common in our society to tell you? Do you feel unappreciated or incompeople not to feel anything except happy— petent around them? Maybe they cause and not too much of that. We are told we everyone during that time to be more negshouldn’t trust our feelings, intuition is ative and complaining and generally more scoffed at, that all this feeling stuff can’t be

possibly the lessee, from liability as the scientifically proven. It’s true that it can’t be scientifically proven, it’s much too individual for that which is exactly why I believe it is so important to each individual because one of the things I have observed applicable state law allows. Liability waivers/releases are complicated documents that require special attention. Over the years, my books and articles have explained how these documents work and is that your gut reaction, your true feelings, what makes them fail. Because states differ your intuition, whatever you call it, will on requirements for these documents, avoid never lie to you. It can only tell you what is “one size fits all” forms. right for you, not someone else, and what Contracts that protect lessors can also is “right” for you may change over time and include carefully worded indemnification situations, but your feelings will give you clauses (where allowed by law) that would accurate information if you listen to them. provide, with proper language in which the lessee agrees to protect the lessor and The unpleasant feelings, which are still possibly others, hold them harmless, and critically important information, abound pay legal expenses and costs if the lessor is right now. Lots of fear—will we get the sued because of injuries or damages the lescovid virus and be seriously ill or die? Will see caused. Indemnification clauses can be we lose our job and not be able to pay for complex; discuss them with your attorney. what we need to survive? Lots of anger— Contracts things are not as they were, not as I want them to be, they’re changing in ways I am out of control of and I don’t know what to Contracts for “half -lease” arrangements can include, at a minimum: do next. Anxiety—how long will all of this • When the arrangement begins and ends (and methods of terminating it) • Uses of the horse and restrictions • Payment of routine and non-routine expenses • Liability waiver/release and indemnification language (where allowed by law) • Equine Activity Liability Act language (depending on state law) With careful planning and properly drafted contracts, parties to “half-lease”/share boarding arrangements, and the horse, could be happy for a long time. This article does not constitute legal advice. When questions arise based on specific situations, direct them to a knowledgeable attorney.

About the Author: Julie Fershtman, one of the nation’s most experienced Equine Law practitioners, is a Shareholder with Foster Swift Collins & Smith, PC, in Michigan. She has successfully litigated equine cases in 18 jurisdictions nationwide and has tried equine cases in 4 states. She is listed in The Best Lawyers in America and received the American Bar Association (ABA) “Excellence in the Advancement of Animal Law Award.” Her speaking engagements span 29 states. Her new 372-page book, Equine Law & Horse Sense, has just been published by the ABA and is available for purchase! For more information, please visit www.equinelaw.net. ➢ Cameo’s Cauldron cont’d from page 30 last, what terrible thing will happen next? Prolonged, extreme emotion can be overwhelming, and when people feel strong emotions and out of control, they often revert to old behaviors rather than stopping into your curriculum. Trail rides are one way you can do this as well as being great learning experiences, but there are many others activities too. Are there people in your area that do yoga or meditation classes, who are to consider what the feelings might be tryvery knowledgeable herbalists or gardeners? ing to tell them about what is happening You might offer them a natural space to hold currently. But if we stop to hear what the some sessions. Since you and your people are feeling is trying to tell us, we can use that already present, there can be an easy flow into information to act appropriately. The messomething that may help all. Perhaps others sage will have been received so the feeling in the area will join these classes, and become will diminish or dissipate. A fear of covid interested in lessons. causing us to be seriously ill or die is an It shouldn’t take a crisis for us to realize actual threat. But we can use the informawhat’s important, but it usually does. Let’s tion we are getting about how to protect not ignore or forget what we have suffered ourselves and everyone around us to minito learn. Let’s use it to improve our lives, mize that threat. The anger is true—things the lives of those around us, and to be betare not as we want them to be, but we can ter people. We have all been in this together, use the isolation in any number of very and, if we continue to work together, we will productive ways, we can enact changes to all be fine when it’s well and truly over. make things different and better than what they were before, and we can choose to be About the author: Cameo Miller is a Masters-level clinical psycholoone of the people who are striving to make gist and a Level IV ARIA Certified Instructor based in Michigan. She is a member of the ARIA Evaluation Panel and National RidingInstructors Convention Staff. things better rather than one who is allowing their fear and anger to be vented destructively. It is more important than ever to listen to the information our feelings are trying to impart to us, but then to use our brains to formulate the best possible response. So many people right now are just reacting and acting out which is contributing to the problem rather than a solution.

Rather than just reacting to your feelings, or trying to ignore or deny them, what if you stop for a minute and listen to what they are trying to tell you, and then use that information to make your life, and hopefully even the situation, better?

About the author: Cameo Miller is a Masters-level clinical psychologist and a Level IV ARIA Certified Instructor based in Michigan. She is a member of the ARIA Evaluation Panel and an ARIA National Test Center Administrator.

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