Walking in Wonder: Nurturing Orthodox Christian Virtues in Your Children by Ancient Faith Publishing

Walking in Wonder Nurturing Orthodox Christian Virtues in Your Children by Elizabeth White

ANCIENT FAITH PUBLISHING Chesterton, Indiana

Ancient Faith Publishing P.O. Box 748 Chesterton, IN 46304

Printed in the United States of America ISBN: 978-1-888212-69-3 All scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1979, 1980, 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved. Front cover photo by Chris Humphreys

Contents Introduction ........................................................................ 5 Chapter 1 Taking the First Steps ...................................... 11 The Spiritual Needs of the Child Everyday Life Is a Spiritual Path ACTIVITIES:

Family Activity: Our Spiritual Memory Book ................... 17 Chapter 2 Walking in Wonder ........................................... 19 Getting Ready for Worship ACTIVITIES:

Touching Beauty: 1. Take a “Looking” (“Hearing,” “Touching,” “Smelling”) Walk ......................................................... 24 2. Bark Rubbings.............................................................. 24 3. Art Prints ..................................................................... 25 Chapter 3 Awakening Awareness .................................... 27 Getting Ready to Know God ACTIVITIES:

Attention-Getters: 1. Giving Thanks Prayer Cards ........................................ 32 2. Circle of Life Connections ........................................... 32 3. Play “I Remember When . . .” ...................................... 33 Sample pages only. Purchase the full book athttp://store.ancientfaith.com/walking_in_wonder/

Chapter 4 Cultivating Stillness ........................................ 35 Getting Ready to Listen to God ACTIVITIES:

Finding Quiet: 1. Imagine Something Quiet............................................ 40 2. The Individual Silence Game ...................................... 40 3. Finding Quiet Outdoors .............................................. 41 4. Thinking about God .................................................... 41 Chapter 5 Growing Goodness ............................................. 43 Getting Ready to Obey God What Can Kids Do? ACTIVITIES:

Suggestions for developing obedience and responsibility ... 49 Chapter 6 The Path to Compassion ................................ 53 Getting Ready to Serve Others ACTIVITIES:

What Can I Do to Help? 1. Understanding Feelings ................................................ 56 2. Helping Hands............................................................. 56 3. Compassionate Heroes ................................................. 57 4. Secret Friends ............................................................... 57 Chapter 7 Stepping Stones to Faith ............................... 59 Getting Ready to Share in God’s Life: Helped by the Bible Getting Ready to Share in God’s Life: Helped by the Church ACTIVITIES:

Walking a Well-Lit Path .................................................... 66 Engraving God’s Word upon the Heart ............................. 66 Copyright © 2004 by Elizabeth White. All Rights Reserved. Published by Ancient Faith Publishing.

Introduction “Let the children come to me,” Jesus said to those who believed. Do not hinder them at all For the kingdom belongs to these. They have ears to hear and eyes to see, Why are we so deaf and blind? Can we not perceive their need for Him who is gentle and kind? . . .Teach the children holiness The kingdom belongs to these. —From Gladsome Light CD, Eikona singers 1 Upbringing is the cause of everything, both good and evil. —St. Theophan 2 A few years before Vatican II and the subsequent changes in the Roman Catholic Church, a preschool teacher was observing several of her young students at a Latin Mass. Noticing their deep concentration and sincere worship, she remarked to a friend who was standing beside her, “I’ve just had a sudden revelation. This is the fulfillment of all my years of work.” In that one, illuminating moment, she’d realized the ultimate aim of every type of education—to assist others along the pathway to God. Although she was not a “religion” teacher, her students, through her guidance, had acquired the basic skills, attitudes, and patterns of behavior that heightened their sensitivity to religious matters. They had the bodily control to remain quiet, the ability to focus on what was going on around them, and a personal desire to become actively involved. Providing religious training for children in today’s spiritually bankrupt society is not an easy task for parents or educators; yet 5

Sample pages only. Purchase the full book athttp://store.ancientfaith.com/walking_in_wonder/

WALKING IN WONDER

it must be our primary goal. The consequences of neglecting a child’s spiritual upbringing become more and more apparent as we see an ever-increasing number of Orthodox youth abandon the faith, or worse, attempt to combine it with popular worldviews that are irreconcilable with genuine Christianity. Our contemporary culture is drawing our youth away from an Orthodox mindset and way of life. A child who has lacked proper spiritual nourishment in his early years will have a more difficult time keeping on the right path and reaching his full potential in Christ. Recognizing, accepting, and responding to divine grace will be as unnatural to him as trying to speak an unfamiliar foreign language. St. Theophan said, “Of all holy works, the education of children is the most holy.” He also offered this challenge: . . . one may know man’s final goal: communion with God. And one may describe the path to it: faith, and walking in the commandments, with the aid of Divine Grace. One need only say in addition: here is the path— start walking! This is easily said, but how to do it? For the most part the very desire to walk is lacking . . . One may ask, “How does one reach the point where the desire is born to walk toward God on the path of Christ?” What does one do so the law will imprint itself on the heart, and man, acting according to this law, will act as if from himself, unconstrained, so that this law will not lie on him, but will as it were proceed from him? 3 It is my prayer that, with the help of the Holy Spirit, Walking in Wonder will supplement the advice given in other books, such as St. Theophan’s Raising Them Right, Fr. Coniaris’s Making God Real in the Orthodox Christian Home, and Sr. Magdalen’s Children in the Church Today. This book is my humble effort to assist the caregiver and educator in finding practical ways to instill in our children the desire to “walk toward God Copyright © 2004 by Elizabeth White. All Rights Reserved. Published by Ancient Faith Publishing.

INTRODUCTION

on the path of Christ” in the ordinary experiences of daily life. This book considers aspects of spirituality not usually mentioned when speaking of the religious education of children, for instance, stillness and watchfulness (as if children were incapable of understanding such matters on any level). Our aim with children is not to achieve manifestations of perfected spirituality, but to take them through steps that will later lead to true spiritual maturation. We want the willingness to obey God, the love of serving others, and the desire to worship with a joyful heart to develop naturally in the growing child. A child’s capacity to grasp religious concepts is often underestimated and ignored. Yet it has been said: “If an adult doesn’t understand a theological matter, explain it to a child.” St. Theophan claimed that everyone knows children are wiser than the greatest philosophers. I’ve certainly found that to be true in my work with children. This work includes twenty years as a Montessori teacher and thirty years in the religious education programs of my parish church. In many ways children are closer to God than adults. They enjoy a natural, spontaneous relationship with Him and do not entertain the doubts that creep into adult thinking. That spark of divine grace given at baptism is waiting to burst into full flame. The problem is not so much what truths to teach children, but how to present truth on a child’s level—or how to provide spiritual nourishment in experiential ways without extinguishing the gift of grace, along with its youthful zeal. The ideas and activities in this book are not always overtly religious in nature. Rather, they reflect the philosophy of this book: A person’s spiritual growth begins with everyday experiences in the early years of life. Spiritual development is determined by what a child absorbs from his immediate surroundings, and by how well the Holy Spirit is allowed to enter his life on a daily basis. The parent, teacher, and all caregivers must provide an environment that helps develop Orthodox attitudes toward self, others, the world, and Christ. This is an impossible task without the help of the Holy Spirit. Walking in Wonder was written primarily for parents of Sample pages only. Purchase the full book athttp://store.ancientfaith.com/walking_in_wonder/

WALKING IN WONDER

children under the age of eight; however, older children will enjoy most activities as well. Religious educators, parochial school teachers, homeschooling parents, and other caregivers can also use this book. Activities do not have to be presented in sequential order. They will be most successful when the child is in the right frame of mind, and when they are kept as enjoyable and spontaneous as possible. For example, the Silence Game as described in Chapter Five will probably not go well right after a child’s soccer team has just won a big game. The guidelines and introductory comments for each chapter are more important than the activities and should be read before the activities are attempted. It should also be remembered that my suggestions for specific activities or experiences are only suggestions. The reader may have better ideas for achieving the desired goals. The journey to God is not an overnight jaunt. It is taken one step, one experience, one personal response to an experience, one struggle at a time. There will be many difficulties along the way that are beyond anyone’s control as you attempt to nurture your child spiritually. This book may not make the long trek miraculously smoother—sufferings and struggles will always be a reality—but, if it gives you some sound direction and helps keep you from being the unwitting cause of unnecessary difficulties, then, by the grace of God, it will have achieved its purpose. One last note: This was a difficult book for me to write for many reasons, the primary one being my own shortcomings as a parent. As I wrote, my words highlighted past inadequacies and taunted me with questions like: How can I, who did not follow most of my own advice, presume to tell others how to raise their children? Nevertheless, I feel compelled to keep in mind the words spoken many centuries ago by St. John of Damascus: Although it is best for us to be ever aware of our unworthiness and to confess our sins before God, nevertheless it is good and necessary to speak when the times Copyright © 2004 by Elizabeth White. All Rights Reserved. Published by Ancient Faith Publishing.

INTRODUCTION

demand it, for I see the Church which God founded on the apostles and prophets, her cornerstone being Christ His Son, tossed on an angry sea, beaten by rushing waves, shaken and troubled by the assaults of evil spirits. Impious men seek to rend asunder the seamless robe of Christ and to cut His Body in pieces: His Body, which is the Word of God and the ancient tradition of the Church. Therefore I deem it unreasonable to keep silence and hold my tongue, remembering the warning of Scripture: “If he shrinks back, my soul has no pleasure in him.” It is my conviction that we must save our children. We must pass on the rich inheritance of our Orthodox Faith to enable them to stand firm against everything that threatens their journey to theosis. The secular sea still rages against true faith. St. John’s concerns are still ours. We must help children recognize holiness and help them hold onto a sense of the sacred in God’s world—their world. Therefore, “I deem it unreasonable to keep silence” in spite of my past mistakes. I would ask that readers accept the voice of one who has learned much after her children were grown. A Family Prayer O God, our Father, bind together in Thine all-embracing love every family on earth. Banish anger and bitterness within our homes; nourish forgiveness and peace. Bestow upon parents such wisdom and patience that they may gently exercise the disciplines of love, and call forth from their children their greatest virtue and highest skill. Instill in children such independence and self-respect that they may freely obey their parents and grow in the joys of companionship. Open hearts to hear the truth within the words another one speaks. Open eyes to see the example of virtuous parents; open hearts to complete forgiveness and understanding of all things willed by Thee, O Creator and Sustainer of families. (St. Augustine)

Sample pages only. Purchase the full book athttp://store.ancientfaith.com/walking_in_wonder/

Chapter 1

Taking the First Steps The primary lesson for life must be implanted in the soul from the earliest age. The primary lesson for children is to know the eternal God, the One who gives everlasting life. —St. Clement The human being is an animal who has received the vocation to become God. —St. Basil of Caesarea By the time you finish this chapter you should realize that: • Spiritual growth is intertwined with every other aspect of development—physical, emotional, mental, and social; everyday life is a spiritual path. • What a child absorbs from his daily environment either aids spiritual growth or retards it. And you should be motivated to: • Seize the moments that will help your child grow in his relationship to the Lord. The Spiritual Needs of the Child When my son Kevin was about two years old, he sat in his rocking chair staring intently at his ankle, swaying back and forth with a hypnotic rhythm. I knew the look—he was pondering something deep and wonderful. I waited. Then it came— a philosophical treasure that could only come from a child. “Why did God do that?” he asked. 11

Sample pages only. Purchase the full book athttp://store.ancientfaith.com/walking_in_wonder/

WALKING IN WONDER

“Why did He do what?” I wanted to know. “Make that bone stick out.” And so mankind has asked in one way or another since his beginning: Why did God make me? What is my purpose on earth? In one sense human beings are like every other living organism: we are composed of microscopic cells, and our physical growth and development take place in identifiable stages, in predetermined, predictable fashion. Just as everything alive has a natural life cycle unique to its specific species, we have ours. A fetus leaves the mother’s womb to journey through infancy, childhood, adulthood, and old age. The order is never reversed, nor does it ever switch to another species’ cycle. We will never go through the metamorphosis of the butterfly or become an adult before we have been a child. And like all living things, a human being must absorb from his immediate surroundings whatever he needs for survival. When those basic needs are met in abundance, a person thrives. When they are not, growth is stunted, or worse—snuffed out altogether. Unlike other life forms, however, we are the only creatures that God created in His image and likeness, the only creatures animated with His own Spirit. Then God said, “Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.” So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them (Genesis 1:26–27). The Lord God formed the man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being (Genesis 2:7, NIV). The Orthodox priest censes the worshippers during liturgical services, in part to acknowledge each person present as an icon or image of God. Someone once said, “If you want to see Copyright © 2004 by Elizabeth White. All Rights Reserved. Published by Ancient Faith Publishing.

chapter 1 • taking the first steps

God, look in a mirror.” The parent does well who instills this impression in a child’s mind from an early age; then a balanced and genuine understanding of the self can begin to develop, rather than the distorted self-centeredness that often results from contemporary child-rearing practices. An image of God seeks to become like Him. An image of God sees that image, however tarnished, in every other person he meets, so he must treat all other images with love and respect. As St. Gregory of Nyssa said, “An image is not truly an image if it does not possess all the characteristics of its pattern.” We believe that God wishes to share His own life with us. Scripture says we are to become “partakers of the divine nature” (2 Peter 1:4). In other words, God has created us for fellowship with Him—that is our true destiny. This is the road the adult needs to help the child find, the spiritual pilgrimage the family must walk together. It is the path of theosis, the way of growing ever more holy, ever more deeply united with God, our Heavenly Father, Creator, Savior, Redeemer, Spirit of Truth. One theologian defines theosis as “a movement of love toward God which begins at baptism and which has been made possible through our Lord Jesus Christ.” 1 The question each parent should continually ask is: What does my child need from me to keep on this path? Several answers seem obvious: prayer, good role-modeling, love, sound guidance, and discipline. Less apparent but equally important are a refusal to abandon offspring to the influences of an anti-Christian culture; an awareness of actions that place unnecessary obstacles in the way of spiritual growth; and the establishment and protection of an environment that nurtures the spiritual life and allows it to thrive. St. Theophan reasoned that spiritual, as well as physical, growth can be encouraged in the child by meeting basic needs. Keeping in mind the nature of things in the physical world, he wrote: If in general every seed is developed according to its kind, then the seed of the grace-given life in the baptized one Sample pages only. Purchase the full book athttp://store.ancientfaith.com/walking_in_wonder/

WALKING IN WONDER can also be developed. If there is placed in him the seed of a turning towards God which overcomes sin, then it likewise can be developed and nurtured as other seeds are. But one must use effective means for this, or, in other words, define a consistent means of acting upon the baptized infant. 2

Think of the infant soul as a spiritual embryo that God has ordained to follow a certain pattern of development—its survival and ability to thrive are dependent on proper nourishment. Shouldn’t the failure to feed this embryo be considered gross negligence? Withholding spiritual food is starving the soul. What should the penalty be for such a serious crime? Then, following this line of thinking, we must also ask: How does one effectively feed the soul of the young child? Everyday Life Is a Spiritual Path If the aim of our life is to reach divine life, this means that every moment has extremely great significance; every aspect of our life needs to be treated with wisdom. Human wisdom, though, is not enough for life according to the commandment of Christ; without Christ we cannot accomplish anything divine. God offers us His very life, we are forever His creatures, and this means, practically, that the question for us all—not only our spiritual fathers—is to ask God about what to do, what to say, and how to express what we say. In the upbringing of a child, a knowledge of child psychology, or even a fine intuition about one’s own children will not lead to eternal being unless we also “invite” divine grace by prayer. —Sr. Magdalen, Children in the Church Today 3 Children under the age of six possess absorbent minds. They soak up knowledge like sponges, subconsciously, without deliberate effort or use of logic and reason. They do this through concrete, hands-on interactions with the world they know on a Copyright © 2004 by Elizabeth White. All Rights Reserved. Published by Ancient Faith Publishing.

chapter 1 • taking the first steps

firsthand basis—naturally, without formal lessons (as adults understand the term “lesson”). Active touching, smelling, tasting, hearing, and seeing provide the means. Children are always learning—and will learn—no matter what the adult does or says. What the adult can influence is whether that which is learned is good or bad, helpful or destructive. The adult role, viewed in this light, becomes more that of a facilitator than that of a teacher. From the moment of conception, the child possesses the Godgiven seed of what he is to become. God knows for what purpose He has created this unique individual. Under optimal circumstances—and if the child acquires a steady, unshakable faith in God, a desire to follow Christ and God’s will in all things, a reliance on the Holy Spirit, and the courage to weather all spiritual battles—he will become what God intends, by grace. To make that mighty big “if ” a possible, practical reality, each adult involved with children in any way must take a good, long, hard look at how we train up a child. (“Train up a child in the way he should go, / And when he is old he will not depart from it”—Proverbs 22:6.) Adults should also bear in mind that they set the example for spiritual growth. Everything they do and say is quietly observed and recorded by the child. Faith is caught more often than taught. Faith can also be lost through the child’s bad experiences with the adult world. Moreover, catching the faith— spiritual training—begins before birth, with the spiritual life of the parent. You cannot give to your child what you do not yourself possess. But You are He who took Me out of the womb; You made Me trust while on My mother’s breasts. I was cast upon You from birth. From My mother’s womb You have been My God. (Psalm 22:9–10) The primary task of the parent-facilitator is to provide an environment that will nurture and facilitate spiritual growth. And, along with spiritual considerations, every type of Sample pages only. Purchase the full book athttp://store.ancientfaith.com/walking_in_wonder/

WALKING IN WONDER

development must be addressed. The various aspects of our being—physical, emotional, intellectual, social, and spiritual—are not distinct entities that can be neatly separated and categorized. All must work together and be directed in unity toward God. Consider language development. Is it cognitive, physical, social, or emotional? How about spiritual? No one teaches the child how to speak; yet while still in the womb, the unborn child hears nearby voices. After birth, infants are continually exposed to conversation and respond readily to coos and gestures. Some researchers are now convinced that only physical, not cognitive, limitations prevent babies from talking (disputing Piaget’s theory that real speech stemming from mental thought is not possible until the age of two). Regardless of whether this is true or not, parents certainly know that little ones understand much more than they can relay back. From a purely physical standpoint, the development of language skills requires that all body parts involved in producing speech be functioning properly. But healthy, productive communication demands healthy emotional, intellectual, and social development as well. To direct speech toward God adds the spiritual dimension. This does not imply that one must constantly preach or speak a mystical type of “Christianese.” Such a habit is more likely to result in a turning away from God (and from the obnoxious model the child has been exposed to ad nauseum). Rather, it means that even something as simple as hearing wholesome speech, or receiving expressions of love, or listening to uplifting music, or having conversations about why God made ankle bones, might contribute to spiritual growth. The point is, normal everyday life is filled with numerous experiences that have no apparent direct connection to spirituality as defined by Orthodoxy. But, if we consider all of life as sacred, all of life as a spiritual journey—then every moment assumes supreme importance. Each act, thought, and word offers an opportunity to step forward toward God. Ask yourself: What is the primary long-term, spiritual goal I wish my child Copyright © 2004 by Elizabeth White. All Rights Reserved. Published by Ancient Faith Publishing.

chapter 1 • taking the first steps

to attain? What is one small step toward achieving that goal that I can start working on now? (Then get going; it’s time to begin walking!) ACTIVITIES: Family Activity: Our Spiritual Memory Book Spiritual growth is a family affair. Everyday experiences in an Orthodox family will include baptisms and other church functions. Keep a scrapbook to preserve these memories. Include photos of family members receiving the sacraments (obtain permission from your priest first), your child’s drawings, their comments or stories, their Sunday School class—anything you want. Let everyone contribute something; a toddler can scribble with a crayon. Beautiful, commercially made memory albums can be purchased; however, I have found in my work with children that a loose-leaf notebook with pages slipped into clear sheet protectors is less destructible. These are available in office supply and craft stores. If you are including photos that you do not want little demolition hands to mutilate, be sure to have duplicates, and use acid-free mounting paper and sheet protectors. And remember, these memory books are meant to be looked at and handled, not stored away in a box.

Sample pages only. Purchase the full book athttp://store.ancientfaith.com/walking_in_wonder/