Financial Matters

With Akwasi Duodu | akwasi@sterlingandlaw.com | www.sterlingandlaw.com

From Despair To Hope In One Phone Call

When my client Eddie’s number came up on my phone, I expected him to be enquiring about topping up his pension and ISA. Eddie was a selfemployed high-end carpenter, making stylish, unusual, high-quality dining tables, desks and chairs for boutique furniture shops in London, Paris, Milan and New York. He was doing well, and would randomly call me with lump sums to pay into his pension. Although in the middle of a pandemic when he called, I had no reason not to believe that business was still good. To my surprise, Eddie wanted to cash in and close his ISA and put his pension contributions on hold. Not so good, then. When I asked whether this was pandemic related, Eddie said no. It was related to the fact that he’d been undergoing chemo for bowel cancer, the effect of which had rendered him unable to work throughout 2020; was almost out of savings and wanted to ensure that he didn’t fall behind on his mortgage repayments, hence cashing in his ISA and stopping his pension contributions. This would give him six months grace he reckoned. After that, who knew?

Isn’t this a cruel world?

My world shifted when I heard of Eddie’s misfortune. I literally had to hold onto my desk for fear of falling over. How could this be? A successful, talented 36-year-old with a brilliant future. How could his world be falling apart due to cancer? I was speechless as I listened to him relay the horrible side effects of chemo – hair loss, nausea and tearful fatigue. And this was in addition to the debilitating stomach cramps from the bowel cancer. I have always thought very sick people should be exempt from the savage everyday financial responsibilities such as mortgage and bills. I have always felt that if I were truly sick, the world would somehow pause and wait for me to get better. Sadly, the world doesn’t work that way.

Is there any hope?

As I was listening, a thought occurred to me. 6 years ago, I arranged a mortgage for Eddie and had recommended income protection and critical illness cover. I couldn’t remember whether he’d taken up my recommendation. Indeed, I remember him objecting – he was single and had no dependants and was sceptical about the need for insurance. As we spoke, with a pounding heart, I logged into his file. Please, please, if there is a God! And there it was. His application forms and acceptance letters, for both policies! I very nearly wept with joy! Unable to get a word, in, I continued to listen to Eddie’s tale of utter woe. When he paused, I managed to say; “I might have some good news for your Eddie. I sold you income protection and critical illness cover when I arranged your mortgage a few years back. If you’re still paying the premiums, you may be due some money.” “Is that the policy for £120 per month?” he asked, “I was going to ask you what it was for and was hoping to cancel it!”

Love found in a hopeless place?

Eddie went onto claim successfully on both policies. His mortgage was paid off completely by the critical illness policy and he has a surplus which will allow him to take a couple of years off to convalesce after his chemo if he wishes. The income protection will pay him a monthly tax-free-income, only slightly less than he was earning. This would continue until he was able to return to work – whenever that may be. “You are my hero,” he said. “I could kiss you!” Easy, tiger! That would be crossing the boundaries of my job! Secretly though, I felt like a bit like a hero. Eddie’s future was bright due to what I had convinced him to buy. He now had choices. Most importantly, he now had a smile on his face and a bright outlook. And I was a part of that. It felt good.

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Mindset Matters

With Becca Teers | www.healthy-habits.me | www.mindplus-experience.com

Are You Bringing The Past Into Your Present Relationships?

Do you often find yourself feeling negatively triggered by a partner’s words or actions? Or maybe you notice that you react irrationally or feel strong emotions (fear, anger or sadness) in response to situations in your relationship. If so, you may be responding from a past perspective, rather than being in the present and seeing the situation for what it really is.

Why do we tend to live out the past again and again?

These reactions are often linked to our personal perspective and focus. We tend to ‘get’ more of what we focus on! To illustrate this, have you noticed that if you decide you’re going to invest in a new car, you see the make and model you’re hoping to buy everywhere! Look around you right now and notice how many red items/things you see around you. Now without looking around again, ask yourself how many green things you noticed when looking for the red? Normally this will be considerably less, if you noticed any green at all. This is because the mind tends to see what we’re looking for. Unconsciously our minds cause us to make decisions about partners and situations, which may be biased due to our past experience and beliefs. Imagine this filtered view in the context of a relationship. For a fictional example: Mathew grew up in a household where mother is very critical and controlling of father. On a subconscious level he creates a belief that women always are this way. Later in life when he is with a partner, he may ‘see’ suggestions or comments as criticism and feel agitated or triggered. He may be seeing the comment from his own ‘lens’, which comes from his past and a limiting belief that relationships are always a certain way. So how do we let go of the past and any limiting beliefs to do with relationships? Here are three steps:

Awareness

This is the first step to letting go of the past. Think about the messages you picked up earlier in life and how they could have affected your beliefs regarding relationships. If you’ve noticed any negative patterns in your relationships, ask yourself what the underlying belief is that may be keeping you stuck.

Neutralize

Challenge the belief that may be causing your reactions or negative patterns. In the example of Mathew’s situation he could look at lots of examples of relationships where the female is NOT controlling and critical. Consciously seeking out more positive examples of relationship dynamics will neutralize his belief that all relationships are one way.

Acknowledgement

Once you have awareness of what may be behind some of your reactions and feelings you have a choice. You can choose to take a step back from a situation, take a breath, count to ten. You can remove yourself from the situation rather than reacting negatively on the spot. You could also choose to trust your partner and tell them why you may be overreacting to things and how you are attempting to change this now.

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