Retail Randoms

WHO ATE ALL THE PIES?

The news that the Premier League is thinking about banning the promotion of gambling on football shirts has prompted betting.com to consider alternative sponsorship opportunities for clubs.

More specifically, it has looked at various British football teams that have famous food and drink brands that were founded locally and designed some eye-catching alternate football shirts inspired by those brands.

What business a website that promises to take confused punters by the hand and guide them through the jungle of online bookies has designing football strips is anyone’s guess but – on the whole – it’s done a fairly decent job.

However, one imagines that Aston Villa fans would be horrified to see the Lions take to the field looking like a multipack of ice lollies in homage to Bird’s Custard, which was first formulated in Birmingham in 1837.

The Greggs-themed Newcastle United strip, on the other hand, is a much more nuanced affair and certainly an improvement on the food-to-go giant’s pastry-inspired clothing collaboration with Primark.

If only it had been around 30 years ago when the Magpies’ cubeshaped centre-forward Micky Quinn (nicknamed ‘Sumo’ and ‘Hippofatamus’) famously picked up and scoffed a pie a spectator had thrown onto the pitch.

JUST THE JOB

With prices rising daily, more and more people are looking for ways to save some cash.

So, if you’re not feeling particularly flush, you may want to consider reusing your toilet roll.

Don’t panic, you haven’t been in a coma for six months and just woken up on April Fool’s Day. Reusable bottom wipes are a real thing and have been popular with the more sustainably minded among us for some time.

Now the idea is gaining traction as a way to make ends meet. The Net Zero Company,

for example, will sell you some nice organic cotton flannels for £21.50 that you can pop in the wash then reuse. Actually, it won’t, because – amazingly – its 24-piece Toilet Unpaper Roll has now sold out.

However, if you decide to give this new slant on ‘touching cloth’ the bum’s rush, remember you can always pick up 24 rolls of Asda Shades for £8.70.

Mind you, the way inflation is going, it will soon be more cost-effective to just wipe your backside with banknotes instead. Shame the new plastic ones are so slippery though.