A Harsh to Heart Conversation, Elena Proctor ‘22

A Harsh to Heart Conversation

Lexon and I were sitting on the couch in the main room playing a RPG game after a long day. A day of exhaustion. I was so prepared to put on my best show today for my club, but at the last minute, everyone canceled. I was really bummed out. I worked so hard to prepare for that presentation. I just wished that someone would care. We had lost the game and the “Game Over” text had appeared in front of a black background, with the options to either “Quit” or “Try Again” . Lexon: Ugh! We lost again! My abrasive friend said. He then looked at me, and noticed my frustration. Lexon: Hey, you gonna restart? Monic: Yeah… I said in a melancholy way. Lexon then placed one leg on the couch and then faced me. Lexon: Hey, what gives, Monic? Monic: Oh, it’s nothing. Let’s continue, please! Lexon: Jesus, everytime you say “it’s nothing,” it’s always something, so just let it out already. Monic: What!? How did you know? Lexon: Because it’s obvious. What’s on your mind, bro? He might be abrasive, but maybe not as much as you’d think. Monic: I’m just feeling a little frustrated. Lexon: What? Is the game too difficult? We can switch if you want. Monic: Ehhh, no. I love the challenge! I always do! Lexon: Okay, then what’s the problem? ‘Cause I hate seeing you depressed. Monic: I’m… I’m just upset about my club. I feel like no one actually cares about it. Lexon: What do you mean? We’ve had some regulars checking in! Monic: Well, yeah, but that’s only two people! And they’re both your friends! Lexon: So? They like anime. That’s the point, right? Monic: It’s not just about the anime, though. I wanted to open this club to try and socialize with new people, and maybe try to find a sense about who I am and what I want to do with my life. Lexon: Ahhh, that just got deep. I thought you wanted to be an animator! Monic: I never said that, did Feather say that? Lexon: No, I just assumed because you draw your little characters all the time in an anime style! Monic: That’s true! I do like drawing sometimes, but I just don’t see myself doing that as a job. Lexon: I get it! Monic: Yeah! Maybe if more people would join, I’d become able to make more connections with people, and find out what they like, then maybe, I’ll find what I like and look into things I want to try doing for a living. But… when I see no one coming, or… last minute cancellations, it really hurts my soul. Lexon: We can always try again! It’s not the end of the world! Monic: But we’ve tried so many times! Do they just… not want me here? I just don’t get it… I felt myself beginning to tear up. Lexon then snapped his fingers rapidly. Lexon: Hey! Don’t start crying on me! Monic: I can’t help myself, okay? It’s just, sometimes I feel like nobody understands me. I don’t even understand me, and I feel like you don’t either, because you’re pretty mean to me. Lexon looked down, he knew he was right about that. Then, he looked at me again and sighed.

Lexon: Okay, Monic. I want you to do something right now. Monic: What’s that? Lexon: Come closer. Monic: Why? Lexon: Just do it, come here. I moved closer to him. Lexon: Closer. I moved, even closer, but then he took his controller and bonked me on the forehead, taking me aback. It wasn’t that hard, but it hurt a lot! Monic: Agh! Lex! Why did you do that!? Lexon: You know what I want you to do!? Lexon exclaimed as he pointed the controller at me. Monic: Ugh, what!? Lexon: I want you to take that nasty thought out of your head, and throw it in the garbage! Monic: My thoughts are not crap, I’m being realis– OW! He hit me again. Monic: Dude, you are going to break my skull! Lexon: Oh, grow up. You really think you’re the only one in this world who doesn’t know a thing about their future!? I covered my forehead and trembled… I knew saying “yes” or “no” or anything else would result in another bonk. Because he knew what I felt, and nothing I could say could change that. Lexon: Ugh, I’m not gonna hit you again, idiot. Quit covering your head. I slowly moved my hands away, looking at him… then, he was about to lunge at me for another bonk, but then I fell to the side of the couch and screeched. I then heard Lex trying to hold in a laugh. He had faked that last hit. Lexon: God, you’re pathetic. I didn’t even intend on hitting you this time! Monic: Ugh, you’re such a jerk! Lexon: You know what, Monic. I am a jerk, I know that better than anyone, but at least I can recognize good things when I see it, aight!? I’ve watched you since the day we first met. And you know what I’ve seen from you? Monic: What? Lexon: I’ve seen that you’re an achiever. A pretty good one, as a matter of fact. You work your butt off everyday in AP classes and work a part time job! You even save time just to spend it with me and Feather! You’re very strong and capable of many things, Monic! Don’t let some club take that away from you! Monic: Heheh… You say that like it’s easy, I don’t always do as well as you think. Lexon: I never said you were perfect. I looked at him with tears in my eyes. Lexon: Listen, you might still be trying to figure things out, but you’re not the only one who doesn’t know what the hell they’re doing yet. I mean, I don’t know what my future is gonna be like either! Monic: You… don’t? Lexon: What? I might be a jerk, but that can’t be my job! Monic: No, it’s not that… you’ve just always seemed so confident in yourself, like you know everything… I get jealous of that. I wish I could have your confidence. Lexon: Oh, I mean, I am confident, but half the time I don’t know what I’m doing, so there’s that.