BeCr OrCrush To u h d e s

FOR THREE MONTHS, I had a crush on a man I had only spoken to once.

The details are not juicy. I saw him twice during Orientation Week last September and a third time at his college’s coffee house event a month later. I attended with a mutual friend who kindly volunteered to introduce me. But once we started chatting, he seemed disinterested and cut the conversation short. After a curt goodbye, weeks of infatuation crumbled into dust.

Instead of feeling bad about the experience, I have been thinking about the crushing process as a whole. What fascinates me is that an affair with your crush is one completely controlled by you and resides solely in your imagination. Social media only feeds to the fodder, whether you see the girl of your dreams on a beach in Cancun or your main man kicking it back in those Adidas track pants he knows he looks good in. Your thumb rests on that picture and for a moment, you fantasize, toying with the pinky ring on her finger. You think of running your hands through his gelled curls as he downs a Heineken. What if your dream girl contracted travellers’ diarrhea in Cancun? What if your man actually hates beer and would much rather settle in with Austen’s Pride and Prejudice? While social media deludes us into falling in love with aspects of people that are not always accurate, the pleasure it gives us is undeniable. We are given access and tools to imagine ourselves in a life that we long to be a part of.

Is crushing beneficial beyond the surface pleasure of attraction? We usually rush past it to move toward something tangible, like a date, a kiss, or a sexual encounter. But sometimes it does not work out that way and I am tired of feeling like time has been wasted. Whether or not crushes lead to a relationship or end up being unrequited, the experience reminds us that love is ephemeral. In that brief time of fixation, we grow as individuals by dressing up, cultivating hope, going to places we have never been, and putting ourselves out on a limb. We become more aware of whom we are distributing our energy to and are forced to reconsider if those people are worthy of it.

Crushing gives us that small push out of our comfort zone and I for one am thankful for it. The pain and ecstasy we get out of a crush is valid, no matter where it ends up. I say to hell with stages and processes: go talk to the girl of your dreams, take a chance and follow that cute guy on Instagram, and slide into as many DMs as you want. Go to the brink of your wailing heart and pursue what keeps you up at night. So what if your crush does not know you exist or does not like you back? Rejection is painful, but the importance is that you exist and you are still a valuable person. Love, as I have experienced it, is not just about the butterflies—it is learning to bounce back from loss and trusting that your soul will find its twin sometime soon.

BY AMIR PATROS