“Whenever I would fall back, I would try to climb again.”
B
By anon
efore my accident, I refused to go on a date with anyone from Tinder. Like any other millennial, let’s face it, I was just there for the sex. Let’s talk for a bit, do our business and then leave. Hanging out seemed like a colossal waste of time for both parties; they would stop talking to each other a few days after matching when other priorities and duties began to take precedence in their respective lives. The most important thing was that the guys knew this process would take place and that you consented. It was a win-win situation for everyone. Yet, as time went on, I realized that something felt missing in my heart. All of the meaningless sex and one-time connections didn’t fulfill me... They never have. At the moment, they might have satisfied my physiological need and my desire for a human connection, but long-term? I just felt lonelier and fell deeper into a pit of despair. This realization hit me in the face when I met him.
Modern Perils of Tinder
He was no different from any of the other guys who had easily super-liked me, a girl who was looking to have a short and memorable spring break back in New York City. Yet, during the 14 hours I spent sleeping over at his apartment, he became one of the kindest and most alluring people I had met. He treated me as if I was a human being with a name that had a life and personality beyond just her body. Even after eight months had passed, I still remembered the way he listened to me and held me so close to his heart that the world just felt right. I never had a man who held me like I actually mattered. It was him, a random guy from Tinder, who made me realized that what I needed was love, not just sex and short interactions with random men. Yet, despite knowing this, when July came, as they always say, ‘old habits die hard… until July came. In July, I got into an accident that forced a pause on my life, making me evaluate my choices. A motorcycle hit me with full speed when I was on my way to my volunteering site in Thailand. I broke my right ankle and got an infection, forcing me to rush back to the States. When I got back, I had to undergo two surgeries; I was stuck spending week after week alone in the hospital when my mom would leave me to go home at night. I was put on an antibiotics IV for weeks while my Mom had to go home every evening. The whole time I was there, a hole in my heart began to grow. I started thinking that if I wanted to fulfill this gnawing loneliness, then I should perhaps go on dates to develop meaningful relationships. I thought men were the solution. Months later, I was starting to get back on my two feet again, so I figured a date wouldn’t hurt. I went on date after date trying to get to know my match without having sex. Sure, I vibed
10 ASIAN OUTLOOK
