Modern Perils of Tinder | anon

“Whenever I would fall back, I would try to climb again.”

By anon

Before my accident, I refused to go on a date with anyone from Tinder. Like any other millennial, let’s face it, I was just there for the sex. Let’s talk for a bit, do our business and then leave. Hanging out seemed like a colossal waste of time for both parties; they would stop talking to each other a few days after matching when other priorities and duties began to take precedence in their respective lives. The most important thing was that the guys knew this process would take place and that you consented. It was a win-win situation for everyone. Yet, as time went on, I realized that something felt missing in my heart. All of the meaningless sex and one-time connections didn’t fulfill me... They never have. At the moment, they might have satisfied my physiological need and my desire for a human connection, but long-term? I just felt lonelier and fell deeper into a pit of despair. This realization hit me in the face when I met him.

Modern Perils of Tinder

He was no different from any of the other guys who had easily super-liked me, a girl who was looking to have a short and memorable spring break back in New York City. Yet, during the 14 hours I spent sleeping over at his apartment, he became one of the kindest and most alluring people I had met. He treated me as if I was a human being with a name that had a life and personality beyond just her body. Even after eight months had passed, I still remembered the way he listened to me and held me so close to his heart that the world just felt right. I never had a man who held me like I actually mattered. It was him, a random guy from Tinder, who made me realized that what I needed was love, not just sex and short interactions with random men. Yet, despite knowing this, when July came, as they always say, ‘old habits die hard… until July came.

In July, I got into an accident that forced a pause on my life, making me evaluate my choices. A motorcycle hit me with full speed when I was on my way to my volunteering site in Thailand. I broke my right ankle and got an infection, forcing me to rush back to the States. When I got back, I had to undergo two surgeries; I was stuck spending week after week alone in the hospital when my mom would leave me to go home at night. I was put on an antibiotics IV for weeks while my Mom had to go home every evening. The whole time I was there, a hole in my heart began to grow. I started thinking that if I wanted to fulfill this gnawing loneliness, then I should perhaps go on dates to develop meaningful relationships. I thought men were the solution. Months later, I was starting to get back on my two feet again, so I figured a date wouldn’t hurt. I went on date after date trying to get to know my match without having sex. Sure, I vibed

with many of them. I even became friends with some of them. But I still didn’t feel a real connection with them. I honestly felt even lonelier. I kept looking for something to fulfill me, something like the sparks I had felt the night of the 14 hour Tinder date sleepover that I had almost a year ago. Then the news came that I had to have surgery again and painfully forced a reset on my progress.

After my last surgery in October, I isolated myself from everyone around me. It was hard. My leg was in such intolerable pain, that I started taking oxycodone to cope. I eventually became hooked and I needed to find a way to get rid of my growing dependency on the drug. Meditation and smoking weed helped a bit. However, as I worked on distancing myself from my addiction, I began to realize that my greatest vice wasn’t oxycodone, but rather my tendency to resort to self isolation. What had happened in my life had nobody to blame, but myself. I started spiraling downward and found myself deep in a place I had never been before. There, I realized that once you hit rock bottom, there is nowhere to go, but to go up. That became my motto during the trying times of my life.

Whenever I would fall back, I would try to climb up again. I started picking up hobbies I thought I had forgotten like reading, drawing and playing chess. I even started trying to learn completely new activities. Nobody was going through this except me and I knew that if I wanted to be happy, I had to learn to do so on my own. It took me an accident, four surgeries, many Tinder dates, an oxycodone addiction and months of isolation to come to this realization. Slowly, the hole in my heart began to fill in. For the first time in a long time, I woke up feeling content and not feeling lonely. Now, I can proudly say that I no longer feel the need to meet guys to have sex or a just to have a ‘connection’ anymore.

I’m not 100% perfect though. A part of me still wants to be with that guy from Tinder again. I still have the app on my phone and use it to keep on trying to have a meaningful relationship with someone. But I noticed that I have stopped looking forward to each Tinder message. I stopped constantly checking the app as well as my other social media, and I am doing so much better than before even if I still can’t walk yet. (Don’t worry about the walking though... I’m getting there.) I am beginning to love the person I’ve neglected for so long after years of childhood trauma and self abuse --- myself.

On Optimal Friends Through Optical Fibers

By Samuel Atkin

Iam always intrigued when the topic of ‘internet friends’ arises. The concept of forming a relationship with another solely through communication seems to be the platonic form of any interpersonal bond. In such, it is entirely up to the communicator what aspects of their personhood they choose to reveal. The many aspects that we may explicitly or implicitly judge another on are at the complete discretion of the communicator to make known. If one wished, they could exist simply as a pseudonymous collection of text on their screen.

My story begins in the summer before high school, when I took to playing online video games on my newly built desktop computer. Over the course of clowning around in Dota2 (think League of Legends but more complexity, depth, and an inconsistent visual aesthetic), I befriended a person on the opposing team. Afterward, I added that person on