test by Atenews

Copyright ÂŠ 2011 by ATENEWS. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or any information storage retrieval system, without permission from the ATENEWS Editorial Board. BANAAG DIWA SY 2011-2012 is produced in Davao City, Philippines.

Pieta 11 • Hagulgol 12• Forgotten 13 • Forgetting 15 I love the way it was before 16 • Move on 17 • Room 9 18 Baliktaran 21 • Discontinuity 22 • Barong-barong 24 Once upon a time 25 • Katapusan 26 • I was in fantasy 27 Hiwa laya n 28 • If only 30 • Loneliness 31 • Goodbye 32 • Diseased 33 Long distance 34 • Foolish me 37 • Reverie 38 • Janet 39 The end of Peter Pan 40 • I do 41 • No way out 42 • Dream 43 Pagbalik 47 • I’d like to date you again 62 A breakfast for my new mama 64 Gusto ko mobalik pagkabata 66 • Covered 67

PHOTO BY Paolo Villanueva

Rebirth 69 • Life 70 • To Secretly Like a Girl 71 September 72 • Pakyas 73 • Flight of the Flightless 74 Count, Move, Take Time... 78 • Deep Breathing 79 A Couple of Planets 80 • Plea 81 • Defy 83 • Sketchpad 84 • Visible Art 89 The Jeepney Ride 91 • To Sleep and To Wake Up 104 • Power Cut 106 Jason’s Lips 107 • Ouroboros 108 • Desperado 109 • Two Hearts 111 The Place Where the Sun is Silent 117 Screen 124 • Holding Hands 127 Sa Kalsada 129 • Dakong Liki 143

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Reymond Pepito ASSOCIATE EDITOR Karlo James David Bringas MANAGING EDITOR Tom Louis Herrera ASSOCIATE MANAGING EDITOR John Kessler Misterio NEWS EDITOR Cyril Jerome Almanzor FEATURES EDITOR Kathleen Anne Veloso ASSOCIATE FEATURES EDITOR Edward Lactaoen HONORARY EDITOR Paul Randy Gumanao

The annual literary folio of Atenews, the official student publication of Ateneo de Davao University.

SENIOR WRITERS Garry Camarillo, Jhar-Mae Magalona, Jamira Anne Martinez, Almira Jane Villegas, Pamela Joy Yutiamco WRITERS Ursula Calipayan, Zyra Kee, Florienne Melendrez, Kathleen Pastrana, Jenny Mae Saldaña, Clemarie Secuya, Arielle Sta. Ana, Maybelle Yutiamco PHOTOJOURNALISTS Caycee Coronel, Maritoni Nanini, Migo Antonio, JM Mercado, Geneva Shaula Almeria, Farrideh Jadali Sabet, Louise Marie Loreno CARTOONISTS Paul Crooks, Steely Dhan Caballero, Nadine Caballes, Bea Trizia Jimenez, Zyra Montefolca LAYOUT + GRAPHICS Steven Adrianne Chua, Jason Occidental, Jamela Rae Allaga, Sanju Chugani WEB TEAM Francis Kenneth Barina, Herc Casiple CONTRIBUTORS Henophel Keith Alcantara, Adi Leuterio, Paolo Villanueva MODERATOR Dr. Victoria Tatad-Pre

PROLOGUE GRAPHIC BY Dave Bringas ORIGINAL PHOTOS BY Adi Leuterio

verything that has a story of a beginning has its end. And everything that has an end paves way for a new chronicle of a beginning. This is a reality that we cannot deny – a reality that best describes the cycle of life. We humans create stories of our origin. Some of us consider the premise that we came from monkeys, while others believe that we are made by a Supernatural Being. But no matter how varied these convictions are, there’s one concession: we all exist. We also craft stories of our end. We believe Nostradamus, John the beloved and many important persons who predicted the end of the world. Because of these things, we are convinced that sooner or later, we will all perish. The precious idea about an end and beginning is that, it always gives us the hope that once something is concluded, something will emerge. And that hope offers us plethora of reasons to live. We hope that all races will end discrimination and will begin to treat each other as equal. We hope that we can end poverty and begin the fair allocation of resources. We hope that we can stop the perversion of our nature and begin

an eco-friendly lifestyle. We hope that all government officials will end corruption and will begin to practice truthful governance. We hope that we can put an end to extrajudicial killings and the culture of impunity. And we can begin to serve justice to all the victims that we could live as a nation who respects the sanctity of life. We hope that wars will end so that peace could begin. We want awful things to stop and let the wonderful things continue. We’ve been longing for change, for a new and a better tomorrow. With the theme “An end that leads to a new beginning”, Atenews invites you to savor the works of art of our contributors and colleagues. We would like to share to you our battles to end injustice and our wishes to commence evenhandedness. We offer to you this school year’s Banaag Diwa with humility and love. As you explore every page of this modest collection, may our passion be with you!

Reymond L. Pepito Editor-in-Chief 7

PIETA

Paul Randy Gumanao Tell me how much you loved your firstborn, about how you could have kissed every inch of his tender skin. I know, as you told me, you only allowed him to eat blended vegies that you carefully prepared. Are you sure he did not sleep unless you run while cradling him? That was funny! I could not imagine how you delighted when he learned to close-open his hands while you sang him that simple rhyme. I am interested on what you shared about how fast he learned to talk, how fast he learned to walk. Was he really just seven months old then? Ahh, so he is nineteen now. Why do you worry when he leaves? It was you who taught him how to walk. No please, please donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t cry when he talks. He is just thanking you because he now learns not to unclench his fist. No more close-open rhymes. He has to be steadfast because many do not eat even blended vegies. And he told me, when he does not come back

PHOTO BY Maritoni Nanini

Hagulgol

Nathalya Kamyll Francisco

At naroon siya sa isang sulok Umiiyak, sigaw niya’y tulong Tila ang nakabibinging siren ang tangi niyang naririnig Tila wala, walang nakikinig sa kanya Pighati at kirot Hawak niya’y katawan Katawang duguan, katawang wala nang buhay Itim na usok ang nasa paligid niya Init, pawis at dumi ang nasa kanyang mukha Kawawang Popoy, sawi at bigo Siya’y musmos pa lamang, iniwan ng kanyang ama Binuhay at inaruga sa piling ng kanyang ina Pag-gising niya’y apoy ang nadatnan At sa isang sulok, nakahandusay ang minamahal na ina Sa isang iglap nawala ang tanging kasama Wala na siyang maisigaw Sa isang sulok, nakatulala Nagbibilang ng oras Hindi na siya makabangon Unti-unting nauubos na ang kanyang hininga Unti-unting nilalamon ng apoy ang kanyang katawan Wala na siyang maramdaman.

Everything about LOVE I have forgotten. Forgotten to say the three words of sweetness Forgotten the taste of crystal-like heaven Forgotten the sound the butterflies harness Forgotten the tenderness of one’s caress Forgotten the melody of a song that speaks of love The river flow I have forgotten how modest Forgotten the resemblance of birds soaring above I can’t remember the day I gave my smile For what I have now are rotten teeth and lips Totally forgot the face of the landscape from a mile Even my own heartbeat, it seems to zip Forgotten how I look like since I forgot your face Forgotten to put harmony in a song I used to listen When I try to make you laugh, forgotten the grimace Everything about LIFE I have forgotten.

Zyra Kee

Forgotten 13

So here it is. Here’s how you forget: do it one memory each day and soon enough you’ll find yourself free from all the kinds of chains she puts on you unknowingly today, you can start to forget about her laughter, no matter how smoothly it glides at the sides of your ears, like the way you pour beer so that the bubbles don’t get in the way tomorrow, you can forget the way she touches you, and how your own flesh responds to the call of her skin

GRAPHIC BY Jam Allaga

(or maybe you can leave the response part for the day after) The next day, try to get away from all of the places where both of you shared pretty good memories

or even those bad ones forget the first kiss, the first embrace, especially the place where you first saw her and knew “She’s the one” by the way the sun glistens on the apple of her cheeks So there. A memory each day. And when you find yourself pretty far off after a few days, try to take a break from all the forgetting and wait up for the most intense part Then, Forget how you loved her. Forget how quickly it happened Forget how strongly it hit you Forget how great it turned out to be It may take a few days weeks, months, years even But yeah, one memory each day. Forgetting has never been easier, hasn’t it? 15

I LOVE THE WAY IT WAS BEFORE Zyra Kee

I love the way it was before. How the stars glimmer in your eyes As I walk by, glistening more As I go towards the edifice. I love the way it was before. How tears succumb into the socket And I pour it down, going ashore Strings tightly attached albeit beset. Alas! Changes being the culprit In seeing stars glimmer no more. Every action given no credit I love the way it was before. Tears had forgotten to fall on, Bland cheeks given kisses no more Now, beeps meager on the phone I love the way it was before. 16

I told you, forget me Forget all of those sweet memories Never mind the eyes that you loved to stare. I don’t miss your hands The hell I care. I told you, forget me Forget the night when I said Please stay, I begged for you You said you’d go. So stop crying, you don’t look good in tears. I told you, forget me Forget my goodness Forget my madness My kisses, my bitter words. I’m a fool Who fell in love Yet I don’t know how to show love, no credits you hear from me. Because I am a fool, I’m a fool. Now, move on, Got my text? I don’t miss you.

BitterSweet-EX

MOVE ON (THE REPLY) 17

I was bogusly gratified In this room Where We lied Where You lied. 18

ROOM 09

Your heart told me You still love him. It’s true no wonder why You left me alone in this room where every little actions were faked by Your beam, by Your blissful move and by Your tender touch.

GRAPHIC BY Steven Adrianne Chua

ELEVEN11 M O T E L

In those moments You called love, a glimpse of bitter truth was found. With the words You’ve spoken to my ears widely open, a name came into My mind, completely disposed the bodily pleasures I was sensing behind.

Oktubre

ROOM 9

In this room where we lied, touched each hidden lines and stroked many smiles, I recall the voice of your heart genuinely speaking next to mine; tolåd me no deception nothing but precision of feelings You kept inside.

all. is that whatsoever. difference any made have I if know to like would I and end the from begun have I

Duane Allyson U. Gravador

BALIKTARAN PHOTO BY Migo Antonio

DISCON-

I had walked a path to lies It has been bitter and pale All I need is for the truth Never this way My throats dry from shouting My feet is tired, let me rest Here from now on I have a secret to tell you Did you know that I love you? Wait! Yet the truth really hurts you see Then why did you leave me? My heart is now full of thorns Now you can never fixed that is broken I have loved you for so long Yet you played with it I hate you yet my Heart is still looking for The one who is playing with it I am searching for you Maybe I still love you It really hurts To hear the bitter truth

I need to forget all of these memories All of this just reminds me of you All of those are just lies All I hear are cries Stop it with your fake smile That makes me want to sigh How can you still grin just like that? Even if you played with my heart I am tough you see I can forget you someday My heart is now burning in intoxicating anger

TINUITY

by JZNG X

Because of your selfish ways and discriminating acts I have fallen in the pits of despair I have walked into the sea of agony and flaming anger I still can stand you know I am strong, I can do this My heart can endure without you in my life My heart was just full of thorns And one by one I had picked it out I know I had loved you for so long And I was really blind I am anew and my heart blossomed obtuse I am searching for a brand new beginning Don’t you ever say you’re sorry ‘Cause I am leaving to a path of a new beginning Sayonara my love! I have been born anew.

BARONGBARONG Jason Occidental

Ang among gagmayng balay Sa aping sa yuta nitanday Sakto napulo mi sa pamilya Walay kurat gikaya niining balaya Diri mi mukaon, magluto ug matulog Diri mi mubatig kalipay, mukatawag kusog Apan kami gibulabog Sa mga datu nga laog

Here I am walking in the midst of cold Time vanquished without even noticing Thinking of those words that had been untold If only I can grasp your hand holding Those memories of yours are just to fade I didn’t know which way to go for years Empty pages I fill with love you’ve made For I extend behind my darkest fears Remember me until the breezes glow My knight in shining armor, lost and gone When river hears you with its calming flow Still here I am hoping hate will be done I silently wait until tomorrow My heart beats, filled with sadness and sorrow

Among gamay nga balay balay bungkagon Aron ang yutang gitukuran kuhaon Kasupak dili mi kahimo Kay pabor sila sa gobyerno Ug ang balay nga gitukod sa singot galuha Sa bulldozer nga misiak sa iya Apan wa name mapuy-an Gahigda nalang mi sa dalan Mao na ning among kinabuhi Pipila na ka tuig ni agi Mall nay nisagpa Sa una’y gitawag namu nga yuta 24

Nathalya Kamyll Francisco

Once upon a time 25

Katapusan Verge Marie Layno

Kinamumuhian kita Marahil ay alam mo na Kapos man ang mga salita Upang ito’y maipakita

At hangal ngang matatawag Ang pagtiwala sa isang duwag Na bigla kang iiwan Matapos kang pagsawaan

Biglang naglaho Biglang ang nagbago Ang minsang katotohanan Naging mapait nakasinungalingan

Tila isang bagong damit Matapos magamit Ay bigla na lamang pinagpalit Sa nakaraang matagal nang punit

Aaminin kong mahusay Ang iyong mga pagsaysay Makukulay nasalita Mulasa ‘yong mapaglarong dula

At hangal nga akong matatawag Sa pagtiwala saisang duwag Na katulad mo Tila wala na ngang puso

Mabilis naglaho Mabilis ngang nagbago Ang noo’y matapang mong katwiran Isa na palang kasinungalingan

Kinamumuhian kita Ng buong puso’tkaluluwa Sapagkat minsan man nga Minahal pala kita

I was in fantasy when I thought those three words are enough to secure eternity, When I thought the sweetness we had are weapons to push away goodbyes, And when I thought changes won’t happen, but yes, you are correct, time cannot hold us. I was in fantasy when I trusted myself that by putting space setting distance, love will grow love will still show. I thought, letting

you wait for a long time feelings won’t change, but yes, you are correct destiny is not for us. I failed to keep My words, my hopes my feelings, No more love No more sweetness No more joy No more spark I’ve lost them all Last night, I faced the truth, told myself sorry, I was in fantasy.

A poem for Arielle / Red Perez

I was in fantasy 27

Mabigat sa katawan ang hamog ng madaling-araw lalo na’t kapag ika’y lilisan. Mas ramdam ang lamig lalo na’t pag naaalala mong mag-isa ka lang pala. Maging ang kape’y halos walang lasa tulad ng mga pantasyang pilit na tinitimpla, hinahalukay hanggang tumilapon, tulad ng mga pangarap na nawawalan ng saysay habang bumibilis ang takbo ng bus, parang mga alikabok na pag dumampi sa labiíy dagling dinudura. Pagtakbo. P a g tata g p o. Paghinto. Hiwa laya n. Ang loob ng bus ay isang eksena ng humahabang nobela ng karukhaan sa lipunan. May kwento ng pagmamadli. May kwento tungkol sa naiwang senior citizen’s ID. May kwento tungkol sa mga damit na gustong kumawala sa maletang hindi na maisara ang zipper. May kwento tungkol sa pagkamangha sa bilis ng pagmahal ng pamasahe. May kwento tungkol nitong drayber na inihinto ang bus sa isang kanto, at nag-abot ng isang libo sa tatlong batang babae na mukhang matagal-tagal ding nag-abang. May kwento tungkol sa mga balat ng itlog na nagkalat at nagpormang mapa ng Pilipinas na mukhang kayhirap buuin. Pagtakbo.

P a g tata g p o. Paghinto. Hiwa laya n. May kwento rin sa labas ng bus. At sa akin na nag-aaral sa galaw ng mga atomo, may kahulugan ang paglalayag ng mga ulap. Mahalaga maging ang paglagaslas ng mga mumunting kumpol ng tuyong lupaít buhangin mula sa bangin, may pumaparoon, may pumaparito. Depende kung sa kanan ba o sa kaliwa nakakiling. Bumabiyahe ako para lumisan. At habang lumilisan, ako’y umuuwi naman dahil batid kong sa bawat himpilan ay may tahanan at sa bawat tahanan, may pamilya. Kailangan kong bumaba ng bus at kasama ang pamilya’y maglalayag na parang mga ulap na sumusuyod sa kabundukan, dumausdos na parang mga kumpol ng lupaít buhangin na pumaparoon upang harapin yaong mga pumaparito. Hindi ito magtatagal. May susunod na namang pagtakbo. P a g tata g p o. Paghinto. Hiwa laya n.

by Paul Randy Gumanao

if only Jenny Mae Saldaña

If only I could watch while you are sleeping I would look at your face with feverish longing. With love in my eyes, I could speak of your beauty Lips full of words of unuttered melody. Your skin seems so soft, the colors of ivory. Finding you lovely is so easy. If only I could watch the sunrise with you. I would speak of eternity and serendipity, Of endless nights and forever days. Hearts soaring, wedding bells ringing Memories flashing, the boat is sinking. If only I could put into your heart the words I love you. I would listen to it like a playlist on repeat. Those words, it may seem nothing to you But it means the world to me. You are the world to me, yet I am just a thing to you. You can see me; still, you can’t feel me. Since everything were all said and done, Who can tame a heart as wild as a white horse? It’s not me, but some Judas in uniform. Now, all I could do is to let go. Moving on, they say, is not easy. But I am ready with my heart’s ability.

You know the feeling Of being madly in love For someone You cannot even be with? Hold your hand and hug you tight Kiss you passionately, from left to right But suddenly realizes All these are just ideas in the mind. Have you ever felt Of being alone In a room encumbered with darkness Not even a single light on sight You wanted to shout But no one hears your scream You call for help But no one hears you plea You want to see her But all you have are plain pictures Brings you happiness But later gives you total sadness. Have you ever felt of all these? Coz this feelings I know for sure Especially when I’m in distant relationship With you.

JKM

loneliness 31

Goodbye storage.room

I know we’re not together for quite a while But I could still fall every time I see you smile Every time I see the dimple on your face That’s one of the things that made me fall in place During the span of three years that we were together Now we’re apart and there’s no forever Little by little I will forget you And someday, I’d be able to replace you Maybe not today, and there’s no need to hurry Love takes time, so I don’t have to worry Today, I may be bitter and all Someday soon I’d be better, even if you call You’ll always be a part of me, and you know it’s true Even if there were times that you made me sad and blue You’re still here in my heart Though we’re miles apart Now, I know that there is always good in goodbye Even if it hurts to bid goodbye

I sit alone. On this chair. Cigarette in hand. Slowly burning. I focus and see, The beauty of the greens. All behind the silken thread, Slowly unravelling from my cigarette. I take her to my lips, And softly kiss. Inhaling her warm breath of cancer, So presented to me, by my cigarette. She sleeps soundly in between my fingers, Baring herself to reveal a fiery interior, Then falling victim to her ashen identity. So ugly is my cigarette. She has served her purpose and begins to die out, So I grab another one, and with one kiss more, My next is brought to life, and the last is lost forevermore. As I find myself once again; I sit alone. On this chair. Cigarette in hand. Slowly burning.

draw

diseased 32

Long Distan by JKM

I want to be with you right now But here I am, opposite to where you are Though my life is continually living But my heart is gradually bleeding. Loving you feels so right But knowing I can’t be with you Makes my days nights Making reality an everyday sigh. Loving you mad Though it hurts so bad Why does it feel so good At the same time? Not having you with me Keeps tearing my whole apart

But I can’t stop thinking of you No matter how hard I try.

You know how much I love you I know how much you love me too Knowing I can’t be with you makes me blue Hope I can just simply click undo

I just want things to be simple I just want you, together with me Looking straight in your eyes and be held in your arms Then I’d really be happy, Right now, distance is way beyond our control But hoping that the next time I’ll see you I’ll get what I’m wishing for That is to spend my entire life with you. 35

FOOLISH ME Ursula Calipayan

I saw him yesterday then suddenly my heart beats fast I saw him smile, I saw his eyes I smiled sweet fully as our eyes locked together. I don’t know why I’m feeling this way I just suddenly had the urge to touch his hands I wish I could stop my heart from beating fast afraid that you could hear it, afraid to be embarrassed sigh, What is it in you that you lighten up my day? Is it because of our fond memories together? Or is it really love that I’m feeling? I don,t really wanna use the word “Love” for I don’t want to spoil this blossoming friendship I hope that tomorrow, hopefully this feeling would go away. Afraid that it may ruin our friendship I just stay in the corner and watched you from behind. I just kept my feelings in this heart of mine. I’m sure that you love me too, but not the way I want you to. But don’t worry, I’m not hoping Right now, I just want this friendship to last forever even if it makes me a foolish girl , foolishly in love with a friend, foolishly wishing that one day, you will just wake up feeling foolishly crazy for a foolish girl like me. PHOTO BY Caycee Coronel & Paolo Villanueva

Reverie Jamira

I stare at the night—as clear as day Before resting my eyes on you, love My loveliest and brightest star With the glow as of a thousand suns And a grace as of a thousand maidens You enraptured my whole being With one of your whimsical glances And I continued to chase after Your resplendent charms in the Obstructed paths you’ve laid out Alas, I am only but a sacrifice To the crucible you’ve created For me to swim against, survive against But I shall, love, for the thought of you Is the only light to my minute galaxy

Love, I have held the knowledge of this Already being over before it actually began Because the world conspired to give me this Double stump, which would eventually lead to A fork in the road—to decay or to growth With a breath as of a thousand sighs With tears as of a thousand rivers My forgotten and lonesome brightness Before I turn to look at you one last time I stare at the night—as desolate as hell

Long brown hair With that little Line of plastic Red lips you wear Seems subtle In a crowd that›s static And the books of psychology That you hug and carry Seems a little heavy You sway happily Through people’s vanity You fly freely And the school dress It fits you well A beauty less the facial paint And those you impress Dances through the bell

From the chapel for fools and saints And I reminisce Math 111, the first meeting We talked about ages Erased from the class list The times I kept waiting You chose to skip the pages And back to the beginning Back to our priorities Forget the picture that I drew Trapped to the chains of learning Maybe someday there would be A chance to know you

As the end of love signals the beginning of pain

cini

JANET 39

The end of Peter pan Kathleen Anne N. Veloso

Once upon a time Cinderella did exist Flying was a common thing The Hundred-Acre Wood was just around the corner And dreams were not separate from reality Once upon a time Barbie was my playmate Mars was just a rocket away And happy endings weren’t just make-believe But that was once upon a time This is now Play time is over; toys have to be put away Cinderella has become a mere fairy tale Flying is limited to superheroes in movies The Hundred-Acre Wood is just a cartoon And dreams are painfully different from reality 40

Barbie is plastic and inanimate Mars is light years away And happy endings have become nonexistent So this is what it is to grow old Outgrowing childish things Accepting the reality at present: tuition fees, wars, and grades Reluctantly refusing to dream of castles and pirates Because one must absolutely stay grounded on reality Because one is simply too old for juvenile games and aspirations Because one is now an “adult” So this is what it is to say goodbye To Peter Pan

We’re standing at the edge Of the end The end of life as we know it The end of me, the end of you I’m scared but you take my hand And look into my eyes And I can see the love in yours My fear turns into certainty I’m sure of this I’m ready to take the plunge Ready to freefall into the abyss Of uncertainty and the future Because… I’m sure of me and you One look and my fears fade away I’m so sure now I’m bursting to say it Two words: I Do.

Kathleen Anne N. Veloso

I do 41

no way out All the faith I put in love betrayed me They left me just when I started to fall Now there’s no way out of this misery I wonder why it’s you of all people. When hope has died, it’s not really the end The mind can relax but the heart feels dead A feeling too complex to comprehend Sometimes I wish it’s just all in my head. It’s hard to stare at your deep-set bright eyes Knowing that they have the same shade as mine It cuts through my heart when you tell me lies With your verses that have repeated lines. Misery gives birth to inspiration I began to see you in a new light Despite your urge not to pay attention For you I conjured a good poem to write.

I dream of Spring’s sun, Peeking out from the cottony clouds, Shedding light on a young earth. I dream of Spring time birth. I dream of Summer’s skies, Its scorching sun so high in the sky, Under which, every man strives. I dream of Summer’s laborious lives. I dream of Autumn’s trees, Shaded by the deep red spectrum of their leaves. Fragile life does fall from trees so tall. I dream of Autumn’s graceful fall. I dream of Winter’s frostbitten chill, That leaves lakes and rivers silent and still, And snow across the land reminiscent of crystal meth. I dream of Winter’s untimely death. As I wake so my dreams do die, So from my pen all the way to your mind, My dreams have come right back to life. These are my dreams, immortalized.

draw

DREAM 42

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... Ako na ang huli? payts. Mag-larga na ‘to. “’nong, magkano gani pamilete?” Teka, 140, 140... “ o. Pakidalian lang daw kay parang mag-larga na ‘tong van.” “Excuse daw.” Sa likod na lang ang bakante. Okay na, tabi naman ng bintana, eh. Hindi na ako mainip nito. ... nakaupo din. Sino man ‘tong katabi ko..? Yak, mukhang katulong. Bad trip. Bad trip.

Sinu-sino man ang mga nandito..? May kilala ba ako..? Wala.

Alas singko na man pala. Gago yung Clyde na yun. Ano man yung gipa-inom niya sa akin kagabi!? Ano yun, parang ‘Absint’ man yung tawag niya dun... ay basta yellow. Grabe ang tama, ala una na ako nagising! Asan man niya yun nabili!? Rich boy talaga... I-research ko yun mamaya... Wala ba akong naiwan? Teka, damit.., cellphone.., wallet.., “ah, 500 po...wala baya. Ah, paabot lang daw... salamat.” ...Ano nga ba yung ginagawa ko kanina? Ah, tama. Teka, damit.., cellphone.., wallet... kumpleto. Game, aalis na... ...Hay. bwisit tong bakasyon na ‘to. Kung alam ko lang na ganito pala abutan ko, hindi na lang sana ako umuwi...

Pagbalik

Exit... Ano gani yang puno na yan? Parang Traveler’s palm man yun... Hindi man din mukhang palmera. Mas mukha ganing saging – Uy! May bundok sa likod. Ka-ganda tingnan, parang ginapapaypayan ng puno ang bundok...

By K. A. G. David

... Uy, pastel. Aw, Alim man pala ito dito. Bakit bitaw naging GRAPHIC BY Jam Allaga

ka-Musliman itong street na ‘to? Ah basta, masarap yang mga bentang pastel. Hindi ako nakabili ‘no..? ...Let-let store... Yak, kadumi ng kalsada- Yak! gisabayan pa talaga ako ng gago! Wala ba siyang lababo sa bahay nga kailangan pa niyang mag-dahak sa kalsada..!? ... ga’no na kaya katanda itong mga pine tree ‘no? Simula nagkaisip ako nasa gitna na yan sila ng Kidapawan, ba... Collado Funeral Homes... Enrac’s... Greetings from N___ C___... Congratulations from Master T___ O__... asus, itong mga pulitikong ito kaya, naisip ang mga environmental concerns ng Kidapawan? Sigurado, ang heritage wala intawon... ... Ilang beses na ba kami naglalis ni Clyde tungkol sa heritage ng Kidapawan..? Heritage: kataw-anan, wala man gud ibang salita, yan na lang ginagamit ko. Bitaw ‘no... Pa’no ba yun..? parang memories ba, o value, sa isang bagay o lugar. Basta, may Nostalgia ... yan gung sa diyan sa may harap ng G-mall sa Davao na inaabangan ng mga Jeep. “heritage” na ng kanto na yan na paradahan siya ng jeep, kay kung wala yung mga jeep, parang “lain” man siya... Ka-senti ko gud, pati si Clyde makasabi. Takot daw ako sa pagbago. Ayoko lang naman mawawala yung mga bagay na nagtatak sa kakintalan ko mula pagkabata... Kakintalan: naks, kalalim ko na magtagalog! ...Congratulations Ramil Jepors... wow, Ramil! Kumusta na kaya yun? Biliba ko sa kanya uy. Noon, hindi siya pinapansin sa Boys, ginaismol-smol lang yun siya. Pero pagdating sa National, naboto pang SSG president. Teka, ano ba ‘tong... Oh? Foreign exchange student? Idol! ...Aw, naka-unli man pala ako. Maka-GM nga. Bye guyz! I’m off 2 Davao. It was a gr8 summer! Send to: yan... yan, yan... yan...Gene. yan... yan, yan...Jenny. Send. Sending message... Message sent. 48

... Buwisit ‘tong bakasyon na ito. Kung alam ko lang na ganito pala ang mangyari, hindi na lang sana ako umuwi... ... Shit! Ginigiba nila ang Mansion ni Sultan Omar!? Citi Hardware... Shit. Wala jud talagang pakialam ang mga taga-Kidapawan sa kanilang heritage! Sa legacy ng mga ninuno nila. Hay. Ang mga Kidapawenyo: mga anak na ginakatay ang sarili nilang nanay... ... Central Warehouse Club...Greetings from Mayor Rudolfo Gantuangco and N___ C___...Dawn’s Cafe – Pa’no naabot diyan ang Dawn’s Cafe? Nandoon man di ba yan sila noon sa Dayao? Tapos naglipat sila dito sa Maharlika, sa tabi ng – ano gani yang simbahan na yan? Basta, katabi din ng SSS. Tapos ngayon dito. Bilib din ako, kasi katagal na nila, hindi pa rin sila nagasara. Pero bakit bitaw cafe!? Kalayo intawon nila sa mga cafe sa Davao..! Asan man yung malaking Acacia dito..? Hala! Ito pala... Sabi nila natamaan daw ng kidlat. Ewan lang kung totoo, o baka giputol na rin para gawing panggatong. Kaganda pa naman nung puno na yun, nakatayo sa tabi ng highway, nagabigay lilim. Magandang first impression para sa mga galing Makilala. Mayroon na yang Landmark pambungad, pero mas-okay pa rin yung puno uy... ... Dito man yung nalunod na mga taga-Girls. Grabe, nag-outing lang silang magbarkada, may namatay na. Kaganda pa naman ng lugar... pag-nagapunta kaya ang mga tao sa resort, naisip kaya nila yung mga namatay? Siguro, pero sandali lang masyado. Natural bitaw yan sa tao na isipin lang kay ang sarili... Bitaw. Kadami ko nang nadaanang sitwasyong ganyan... Buwisit. Kung alam ko lang na ganito na pala ang nangyari, hindi na lang sana ako umuwi... ... hala, nakatulog ako. Asan na ba ‘to? Bansalan na man siguro. 49

Teka, may message sa CP... Galing kay Jenny. Oh, bye Kyle! Hav a safe trip! Tnx...Send. Sending message...Message sent. ... Hay... Genevieve... grabe ‘no, kinder pa lang ako grabe na ang dating ng pangalan niya sa akin..!? Palagi man yun siya nakatago noon sa isang sulok habang nagalaro ang iba naming mga klasmeyt. Sus, kung hindi ko siya gilapitan noon, hindi talaga siya nagkaroon ng kaibigan... ... Ay yung sa soccer field..! Minsan, nagtambay kaming dalawa diyan sa soccer field sa College – recess ba yun o tapos na ang klase? Nakalimutan ko na. Basta. Habang nagpakawala kami dito sa may mga puno, may nakita siyang til-as. “...First time mo makakita noon ng til-as, Jen, di ba...?” Ako man yung wide reader noon, kaya gi-explain ko sa kanya, na yan ang baby ng butterfly, na pag-hayaan lang siya, maging cocoon siya, tapos maglabas ang maganda masyadong butterfly. Hehe, mga bata jud... Ay sus! kaganda nung ngiti niya! Tapos ang kinang sa mga mata niya..! Mga bata pa man kami noon, pero noong nakita ko ang pagkainosente ng kanyang mangha, sus, doon ko talaga nakita ang ganda ng mundo. Yun pala ang eternity... Ayun, dahan-dahan, nabuang na ako sa ka-inosente niya na yun! Sa mumunti kong isipan tahimik siya na bayang dapat kong ipagtanggol sa mapang-aping labas. “Dalisay na telang ayokong madungisan...” -ka-lalim ko na talaga magtagalog! Nahawa na ako kay Clyde..! ... Mukhang ang baho niya! Ewan ko ‘no, pero kahit anong gawin kong tingin dito sa mga pulubi, hindi talaga ako maawa. Mas-mainis pa gani ako, alam ko man gud na kasalanan man din nila kung bakit sila

na-ganyan. Social Darwinist, sabi pa ni Clyde, pero salamat yan sa Code Geass..! ... 3rd year High School man yung Code Geass, ‘no..? Madami man pala sa aming batch nagbago noong High School. Noong elementary, iilan lang ang naga-uyab-uyab. Si Marian noon, ilang beses na-link, pero ewan kung totoo, suplada baya yun. Pero pag-High School! Sumobra naman! Pati gani yung si Shooti na katahimik nung Grade 6, nakuha si Maying! Natakot ako noon uy. Baka madamay sa ganun si Jenny. Ayokong madumihan siya, na giingat-ingatan ko ang kalinis niya, ang pagkadalisay niya. Ayoko uy. Masira siguro mundo ko kung magka-uyab man siya nun... ... Kadami na namang nakadikit na mukha ng pulitiko. Buwisit. Nakakasira ng view. Kahit isa ba sa mga naga-takbong ito, gina-isip ang pag-preserve sa heritage ng kanilang lugar? Ewan ko lang... ... bitaw ‘no? Siguro, yung pagka-inosente ni Jenny ang “heritage” ko noon..? Basta, pasalamat ako kay hindi nagka-uyab si Jenny noon. Solve na solve ako noon. Ako din, hindi ako nagka-uyab, kahit may mga nag-lapit (ka-ambisyosa naman ng Joje na ‘yon. Hindi marunong lumugar)... kami palagi magkasama noon, umaga hanggang uwian, tapos pag-uwi, naga-text pa rin kami sa isa’t isa. “Bitaw, Jen kulang na lang kay aminin natin uyab na gud tayo...” Pero hindi din. May something na lain sa salitang “syota,” Ewan ko ano, pero dahilan na din yun. Tapos kapangit baya ng pianggalingan ng “uyab”! Tapos hindi ko din ma-imagine na maging “kami.” Parang, parang masisira siya kung ako ang magiging uyab niya. Ewan, basta ganun... Tapos nandiyan man gud din si Eugene... ... Si Eugene... “Kung ihati ang kaluluwa ko at si Jenny ang isang kalahati, si Gene ang isa pang kalahati...” Partners in crime since birth... Magkaibigan ang mga tatay > Contd. on p. 54

PHOTO BY Caycee Coronel

namin. Una kaming nagkita, mga bago kami nagsimula mag-aral. Tapos, mag-klasmeyt din kami noong kinder. Madalas, kaming tatlo ang magkasama nina Jenny noon, naglalaro. Si Jenny ang may record na naging klasmeyt ko mula kinder hanggang 4th year, pero close runner up si Gene, hindi ko lang naging yun klasmeyt noong grade 6 at noong 2nd year... Para kaming si Sirius Black at James Potter... Kung kay Jenny, para akong tatay sa nag-iisang anak na babae, kay Gene naman, parang kapatid na madamot sa kapatid niya. Mainis ako ‘pag makita ko siya may ibang kinakausap. Ganun din baya siya sa akin, palagi nagasabat pag makita niyang naga-usap kami ni Jenny...Mahirap i-explain. Ewan ko, basta, ganun... ... gago din talaga ako... naabot na gud sa punto na sobra ko kaclose kay Gene, akala ko nabayot na ako. Lagi. Inisip ko yan noon, gago ‘no?: bakit ka-possesive ko man sa kanya na kaibigan? Pero hindi din, isip ko, kay mas-possesive pa ako kay Jenny... Ah, may message. Listen, I’m sorry 4 not tellin ya na kmi na ni Gene. 0h, it’s 0k! I’m happy 4 both of U. Ü ... Send. Sending Message... Message sent. Happy my face. Pa’no ako magiging happy na nalaman ko’ may uyab ka na!? Hindi Okay. Hindi... May message ulit. Really!? Tnx a lot, Kyle! I knew I cud count on U! Para bati na tlga taU, I’ll tell U somthin’... Walang hiya. Dagdagan pa talaga ang kalbaryo ko. 54

Oh? wat s it? Send. Sending message...Message sent. Hala! Kabilis nagreply. Gitype na siguro bago pa man makatanggap ng reply. U see, I’ve nvr 2ld any1 ‘bout dis. not evn my mom or Gene. I’m pregnant! & I wnt to name the baby aftr U! Hindi. Hindi ‘to totoo...Shit, Hindi ito totoo. Ayokong maniwala...Shit... iiyak ako. Tutulo ang luha ko... “Huy! Umiyak ka! Ba’t hindi ka man maka-iyak!?” Shit. Hindi ko ‘to tatanggapin. hindi ko ‘to tatanggapin... ... Hala, nakareply na ako? Ano ba ang nasend ko...? Really? that’s great! I’m flattered... piste. Mas magaling pa intawon mag-spell sa akin ang Id ko... Shit. hindi ‘to totoo. hindi ‘to totoo... ... hala, nakatulog na naman ako. Asan na ba ‘to? Parang Digos na, o Santa Cruz na ba? Basta mga diyan... kadilim na, ano’ng oras na ba...6:40... ... Ah, “Hi...” kacute ng bata. Nakangiti sa akin. Konti na ang batang naga-ngiti ngayon, ‘no?. Mga suplado o suplada na. Pag ngitihan mo, kung hindi ka dilatan, layuan ka. Hindi man ito tamang isip ng lalaki ‘no, pero kumukonti na jud talaga ang mga cute na bata ba. Mabuti na lang kay kahit papaano may natitira pa, gaya nitong isang ‘to. Sa unang row man siya nakatayo banda... Sino ba ang nanay nito? Yun sigurong babaeng nakakimpit ang buhok. Parang bata man masyado siya para maging nanay ba... Hay. Si Jenny din uy, kabata pa para maging nanay. Nasa 3rd 55

year pa kaya kami. Hindi na lang niya inantay na makagraduate bago mabuntis...

... Nakangiti pa rin ang bata sa akin? Parang hindi man din siya naggalaw ba. Okay, medyo weird na...

Sino gani yung nabuntis noong High School? Ewan, pero noong narinig kong buntis siya, parang kadumi ng tingin ko sa kanya. Hindi ko kasi ma-imagine na ginawa niya yun. Parang hindi bagay sa kanya.

... Umuulan. Kapangit na ulan. Hindi man ganito ang ulan sa akin dati. Masaya gani ako pag mag-ulan, kay alam ko may mga dahon nanaman mabibinyagan, may mga uhaw nanamang mapapawi (grabe na jud ang Tagalog ko!). Alam ko din, malilinisan na naman ang mundo na paulit-ulit ginadumihan ang sarili niya... Jun-jun Store... Basta, ayoko itong ulan na â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;to. Kapangit. Marahas. Makalunod. Parang mapait, mapang-api. Kung sa Buhay ang may pera lang ang hindi mag-daan sa hirap, sa ulan na ito ang may payong lang ang hindi magkakasakit.

... Pero bakit kay Jenny, iba man? Bakit hindi man lain..? ... At si Gene. Pag-isipin kong ginagawa nila yun ni Jenny, imbes na mainis ako at mandiri, iba man ang maramdaman ko. Tumatayo ang balahibo ko, may init. Hindi siya uwag, hindi. Wala man din utog. Iba. Parang yung pakiramdam ng naganood ako ng Clannad. Yun bang parang ang heart, naging flowerbud na biglang magbukas, at maramdaman bigla yung kiliti ng petals na nagahagod sa dibdib... ... Maganda si Jenny. Sobrang ganda. Lalo na sa akin. Mabait, matalino... Parang bagong papel: mabango, makinis, puno ng pag-asa... ... May itsura rin naman si Gene. Muntik man gani ako mabayot dahil sa kanya. Tahimik, misteryoso pero mabait at saka protective. Matalino din yun at may-taste â&#x20AC;&#x201C; makasakay yun kay Clyde!. Astig na sosyal... Niloko nila ako. Pinagmukha nila akong tanga. Tapos ngayon ginagago pa ako kay ipangalan sa akin ang magiging anak nila.

Schadenfreude..! ... Ano kaya itsura ng magiging anak nila? Sa akin daw ipapangalan, ha..? Baby Kyle... Sige daw... Medyo prominente man ang kilay ni Gene...Maliit naman ang mga labi nilang dalawa...Straight masyado ang buhok ni Jenny... Ang ilong? Kay Jenny din siguro manggagaling... teka, so ang itsura noon... Hehe, kacute! Gwapong bata paglaki...

Pero bakit hindi man ako galit sa kanila..!? Bakit parang imbes mainis, masaya pa ako..?

-Baâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t kamukha ng nitong batang nakangiti!? Ang kilay, ang labi, ang ilong, ang buhok: kamukha talaga..!

... Hindi ko talaga sila mapatawad, kay hindi man talaga ako nagalit sa kanila.

Naalala ko lang siguro siya nung gina-imagine ko ang mukha ni Baby Kyle. Kakulba uy...

Ewan ko, basta, ganun na yun...

... Wow, kasarap ng upo ko. Kalambot nitong upuan. No wonder dalawang beses akong nakatulog. Parang kayaman ng feeling ko habang nakaupo dito, tapos nakatingin sa nababasang mga tao sa labas. Mas lalo kong naa-appreciate ang pagkakomportable ko, alam ko man gud may ibang hindi nakaka-enjoy.

Ee! Bakit ganito!? Parang nasa ibang mundo ako. Lumakas ba ang aircon? Ewan, basta, kakilabot! Nakakailang na man gud yang bata. 57

Ngiti ng ngiti... ... Makinig na lang tayo ng music, be, para mabalik tayo sa real world. Teka... my message...alarm...my files...music...memory card...music.. Ah! They Don’t Care About Us ni MJ. Ewan ko sa iba, pero hindi ko talaga ipagpapalit si MJ sa iba pa, kahit pa sabihing pedo talaga siya. Wala akong pakialam. Magaling pa rin siya. Lalo na itong kanta na ito... namemorize ko na gud kakapakinig! Skin head dead head Everybody gone bad Situation aggravation Everybody allegation In the suite on the news Everybody dog food Bang bang shot dead Everybody’s gone mad All I wanna say is that They don’t really care about us...All I wanna say is that They don’t really-

... “Bakit nakangiti ka pa!?” Buwisit itong batang ‘to! Hanggang kailan ba siya magbungisngis sa akin!? Ano ‘to, nangloloko? Biglang gumalaw! Hindi na ‘to – Nagreply na si Gene. Dude, I just asked the Doc. She said the baby didn’t make it. I didn’t know, dude. I didn’t know... ... Asan na yung bata!? Shit, asan na yung bata..!?

Shit, bad trip. Ngayon pa talaga nagka-message. Kalagitnaan pa talaga ng kanta. Galing kay Gene..? ano ito? Hehe, concerned tapos nagreply..? Kyle, naaksidente c Jenny. Got hit by a car. We’re in Kidpawan Doc right now. Dude, I dn’t knw wat 2 do! Shit! Ano’ng nangyari!? What!? Dude, calm down. Is she okay now? Send. Sending Message... Message sent. Shit, huwag naman uy... Nagreply na.

sent.

She’s stable, sabi ng Doc. But she’s still unconscious. Dude, the baby: how’s the baby!? Send. Sending message...message ... “Reply. Reply. Magreply ka... Katagal mo magreply, Gene..!”

S HIC

Jam

All

I’d Like to Date You Again Karla Stefan Singson

GRAPHIC BY Keith Alcantara

Feel the rush of waking up Singing in the showers And choosing my clothes giddily As I look forward to seeing you In a restaurant A little too far from home A little too expensive for our budget I’d like to gush over your Sweet late night text messages Even though they are things That I’ve heard before In movies, In songs, Wherever I’d like for you to Surprise me with flowers on the bedside again And make me feel like Miss Universe would pale in comparison To when I smile in the morning

During our invigorating village jogs That’s making me blush harder Than when you first held my hand Today I don’t really know How you spend your days Do you think of me As fondly as before? Do you look forward to Us seeing again, As eagerly as before? Do I still look lovely to you? I’d like to date you again For whatever it’s worth Are you free tonight? Perhaps after you Tuck the kids in?

A Breakfast for my new mama Red Perez

This morning, I woke up early to buy the ingredients of your favorite food. As I promised to papa, I went to the market and looked for the freshest stocks sold. Then I cut the lumber in our backyard; used them to fire the stove. I washed the stained dishes and cleaned up the messy kitchen without any use of gloves. I cooked the food the way

Papa told me and placed it On his favorite plate. I put some garnishing for you to like it, with tomato so red shaped into flower like the rose he gave you yesterday. But as I open the door of your room, I accidentally dropped your favorite food and broke Papaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s favorite utensils. Only because of what I saw, a man unclothed Sleeping beside you.

Gusto ko mobalik pagkabata Reymond Pepito

Gusto ko mobalik pagkabata Kanang dula ray hunahunaon Saputon kon sayos buntag paligoon, molaag sa pikas balay Muoli’g makadungog sa sitsit ni nanay ug tatay kon oras na tingkaon. Gusto ko mobalik pagkabata Kanang walay dautang tinguha Kanang limpyo ang hunahuna, mahadlok lang kon mapawngag suga sa kasilyas, mohilak kon di paubanon ni nanay sa palengke kay mahugaw ra daw ko didto, Ug adunay mangidnap ug bata. Gusto ko mobalik pagkabata Kanang dasig kayo kon makakita’g libro Basahon konohay ug kusog, morag korek nga nagtuon Eksayted sa quiz papers kon ibalik

ni ma’am Kay matod ni tatay, kon maka-100 ko Iyahang paliton bisan unsay akong gusto. Gusto ko mobalik pagkabata Kay karon, Wala nay manitsit tingkaon Wala nay mamokaw aron ko paligoon Daghan nay malisya Daghan nay kahadlokan Daghan nay butang angay hilakan, Ultimo kadasig pag-ablis libro Nawagtang, uban sa akong pagdako uban sa mga panahon nga kaniadto kami kompleto, Si Nanay Si Tatay Ug ako.

Wings of a butterfly covered my eyes So gentle, so sweet so smooth like a dye. Reasons are not here to answer me why; why those gentle wings made me smile, made me cry.

Reymond Pepito

Covered 67

Rebirth Ralph Dela Cerna

Darkness fills my last sight Silence utters its deafening words The senses abandon its owner Cold blood puddles in the cold winter night Dead Silence fills the air Warmth could not be found Bodies ache no more Final breath drew its last sword After an everlasting darkness I see a tunnel of light Shining so brightly in itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s white glory Bringing with it a warm breeze Silence was no more to be found A blend of heavenly noise comes forth An infantâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s cry, foolishly, my voice And I breathe in this world anew

PHOTO BY Maritoni Nanini

Life

To secretly like a girl, I’m careful not to smile long enough and reveal the sparkle in my eye I keep it a secret for she may never understand

Ryan Maboloc

Sail on... Nobody said it was easy. Fall in love if you must but remain whole. Find courage in each day, tomorrow will always be a different story. Thus, remember the task at hand No river reaches the sea without having to endure the indifference of dead rocks and the mere civility of enigmatic valleys... Life is an eternity of boredom, of fears and disappointments. but take it like a child would There is always joy in simplicity. There’s happiness in wonder and ignorance. There is no pot of gold

at the end of the rainbow, but don’t miss the point It is the soul’s journey and not the neverending aches of a tired mind; It is the heart’s pains and laughter, and not the pleasure of selfconfidence, which define who we really are. Cry if you must, the tears will wipe the pains within. Dream whilst you are young there’s no other time. If you lose hope, if you exchange the wonder of your childhood for the dark and the thrill of hell, then life, your one and only, shall be meaningless!

I take refuge in swift, but sweeping glances sifting her from a thousand nameless faces For when we speak, I could never look straight the way I could never stare at the sun I keep it a secret for she may never understand To secretly like this girl, I keep my lips sealed although I want to tell her she’s perfect for me

I keep it a secret ‘cause for her, this honest and simple truth may be a bitter pill to swallow To secretly like this girl, I muster all my strength to tell no one. I entrust my fragile secret only to this blank sheet of paper I keep it a secret for she may never understand Now this is the end of me secretly liking this girl. For outside this world of words, it is a struggle for a girl to secretly like a girl.

wordstakeFlight

To secretly like a girl 71

September Red Perez

I can’t forget September; that’s the month when I thought things will turn better. That’s the time when I experienced a care so tender; a four-week encounter of love and anger. I can’t forget September; simply because memories are around me that makes me remember, The sweetness of her lips; the softness of her hips. The alluring eyes that are tightly closed whenever I grip. It’s hard to forget the month of challenge; the time of struggle. When I met you, September. 72

Naningkamot sa pagsuwat og balak, dagkong singot ang mitulo sa agtang makita lang ang mga pulong nga maoy magsilbing dalan aron makuha ang buot ipaabot. Nagsugat ang mga kilay sa paghuna-huna, kay dili man hawod sa tamang Sinebwano, kay nagdako man sa lungsod kon diin bakikaw ang binisaya. Nanagat og inspirasyon sa lain-laing dapit, maskin gagmayng butang gihatagag tomang bili, makasuwat lamang og balak. Uban sa pagpangita ang panghinaot nga unta pagkahuma’g suwat sa balak basahon kini sa mga mambabasa. makakita sila’g imahe, makabati’g emosyon ug labaw sa tanan, makasulti nga kining suwat nimo Doy,

balak gayod! Dili yaga-yaga Sa pinulongang binisaya, Dili ulaw-ulaw sa literatorang Bisaya. Nga pwede ipasigarbo sama sa mga buhat ni Macario, Ni Don ug ni Satur. Milabay ang pipila Kabulan. Nakamugna ra man pud tawon og mga balak. Apan, sama sa una daghan gihapon og problema. Pakyas sa pantitik, pakyas sa pulong. Naningkamot sa pagsulat Hangtod karon. Sington man og taman, magsugat man ang mga kilay sa hangtod, managat man og inspirasyon ug maabot sa bisan asang baybayon. Pakyas man kono Ngalang taga-Mindanao Ko’g midako sa bulawanong yuta sa Tagum, dili ako muondang, dili gyod ko!

Red Perez

Pakyas 73

Flight of the flightless By Ralph Oja B. Bagay

Someone told me that pushing oneself beyond the limits of what one is capable of doing would be the best way to learn what must be learned. But I disagree, considering the circumstances. In the boat I am on, doing so would be unwise. I never said that I wouldn’t. I just couldn’t. It was around half past nine in the evening. If you’re General Specific, it was exactly 9:37 when I checked the clock. I never had the rare and unique ability to finish my homework on time so I ditched all the school stuff and went outside for some fresh air. The evening was fine. The cool breeze was bearable and the silence didn’t remind me of horror movies. The moon was peeking behind the silver clouds. The stars illuminated the gloomy night. There were no signs of living things. I was alone in the middle of nothingness. I stopped walking, took a deep breath and sighed. As I thought in silence, the brightness of the moon grew weaker. I looked above to know what caused the sudden darkness. And I saw something. It was a creature - a winged creature. It flapped its fiery wings with immaculate grace. Its scarlet and gold plumage gleamed in the moonlight. It was a bird of magnificent size. It became bigger as it went nearer. I felt fear. But somehow, I wanted to welcome the strange creature. I bit my lip to check if I was dreaming. I wasn’t. The winged creature descended, creating a mighty gale in the process. I shielded my eyes with my arms. It was like a helicopter greeting you face to face. But instead of landing, the massive bird flew through me. I turned around and watched the creature flying away but maintaining the low altitude. I ran. I could feel the creature’s warmth as I chased after it. Its long, elegant tail feathers were burning and the flames danced with the winds. The creature began to cry a strange cry. It was a combination of dread and distress. As I continued to run, the distance between us grew smaller. Was I gaining speed or was the creature flying slower?

GRAPHIC BY Jam Allaga

It was getting exceedingly warmer. Large beads of sweat trickled down my face. I felt fear. But I continued running and reached out my right arm as far as I could. I closed my eyes and anticipated the burning heat. I visualized myself in sheer anguish as my hand was being swallowed by the flames. But my expectations weren’t met. I opened my eyes and realized that I was holding the creature’s fiery tail. Before I could express my unreserved amazement, the creature flew upward. I disliked the creature’s abrupt idea but it was too late to disagree. Letting go would mean falling to my death. I had no choice but to hold on for dear life. I hesitantly looked below and refused to do it again.

As I recollected my thoughts, the creature flew to the moon. It grew smaller as it soared farther. As I watched the bird disappear in the moonlight, I became aware of one valuable thing. I swam to shore and walked home, a changed person.

The creature was persistent in flying higher. I could sense the decreasing temperature, which was ironic because the creature was nearly engulfed in flames. It created a strange noise again. This time, it was a combination of strength and hope. Suddenly, the creature stopped. Before I could ask why, a blinding light emanated from the winged creature. All that remained of the creature were its ashes. I fell. I shouted like never before as I plummeted helplessly in the air. I didn’t know what to do. But I knew that my fate was sealed. Death awaited me below. I felt fear. But I stopped shouting, closed my eyes, and recalled the best moments of my life. With a smile on my face, I waited for the inevitable. Seconds became minutes. The solid ground would greet me at any moment. But it didn’t. Instead, the cold waters devoured me. I opened my eyes only to see darkness. Bewildered, I descended into what I thought was my watery grave. I felt fear. But I remained calm and looked around. When I gazed below, I saw a light. I swam nearer and found out that it was the very same creature I encountered moments ago. Its scarlet and gold plumage gleamed under the sea. Our eyes met for a moment. Then the mighty bird grabbed me gently and darted upward. Together, we burst to the surface, creating splashes of water that glinted in the night. 76

count, move, take time... Tom Louis Herrera

Count the grains of sand on the shore, Count all dirt you see on the floor, Count the trash that we toss day by day, Imagine how similar they have become today. Move to the world of the green scene, Find out that it’s not really clean. Move to the world of the world’s steward, Observe how hearts have grown so hard. Take time to look at the mirror, And see how you have lost your color. Take time to shout a loud hello, And wait if there is still an echo.

Euphoric daydream Dimensional patterns Tell me all your lies Before leaving me in bliss This place of belonging This day of reckoning Shine your eyes on me Wrap me in a sense of illusion Bury your heart in a safe place And we will have our lover’s tryst This blatant love Is mistaken of stolen kisses Leaves me in a sense Of delusion and distress But, this isn’t over yet For it is only failure by design Take one step forward Inhale the air so pungent Let the romance being And so we exhale…

Jamira

Deep Breathing 79

A Couple of planets Forever Feeble

The red hot sun tires out For too much fire coming out of his mouth He’s hot headed man in pressure A taste of his fist he assures But let the moon calm the beast With a table filled with a sumptuous feast Let the night’s caress Ease the day’s stresses A relaxing kiss For those aching fists Let her wind’s cooling gust Give to him what is just Her smooth hands embrace him with shiver And a blanket of darkness that tucks him into slumber Let the fatigued rest For soon he will once rise For there’s a new morning With work he needs to be doing.

I don’t want to be mesmerized… By your beautiful eyes… I don’t want to be captivated… It’s a risky game of dice. Don’t look at me…I might get attracted to you… I have to admit that I’m fascinated… Your personality is interesting. I can’t help but be afraid… The possibility is frightening… So don’t look at me…I really might fall for you… I can’t believe it, though I tried to avoid… The feeling that was unwanted is here. Now I feel like I’m in this void. These are but words I don’t wish that you hear. So please…don’t look at me… Because…I’ve fallen for you.

Alexandra Eñeco

PLEA 81

No matter what they say, just go your own way. It’ll just be you at the end of the day. Who gives a shit if they think you suck? You can simply say, “I don’t give a fuck.” If they bring you down, get back on your feet. If they pull a trick, then give yourself a treat. Don’t ever give them the satisfaction… They’re just waiting for a violent reaction. I’m sure you know you’re fucking epic. Hold your own. That’s the trick. They’ll feed on their nothing, not living up to you. Between you and me, you know it’s true. At the end of the day, you were born for this

Alexandra Eñeco

DEFY 83

GRAPHIC BY Jam Allaga

Sketchpad Paul Randy Gumanao

Naiguhit na kita noon. Kulay kape ang iyong balintataw. Binuhay na rin kita sa tula. Sabi ko lampas balikat ang iyong buhok. Naisayaw na kita sa saliw ng musika at naipasyal sa parang ng imahinasyong hindi marunong bumilang ng iyong mga daliri. Masaya na ako noon dahil kaya kitang isipin. Ngunit noong gabing huli kitang nakita, Itim pala ang iyong balintataw. Hanggang balikat lang pala ang iyong buhok, sampu pala ang iyong mga daliri at iisa lang pala ang iyong puso. Wala ngang tadhana maging sa isang mundong ginawa-gawa lang ng mga titik at linya dahil magkaiba ang tadhana at ang katotohanan. Hindi na kita maaaring bigyan ng bagong pangalan. Sa susunod na gabing tayoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;y magtatagpo, hahayaan na lang kitang ngumiti, at mangusap. Hayaan mo na lang din akong magnakaw ng halik.

ART BY Nadine Caballes, Paul Crooks & Zyra Montefolca

Vast sequence Of scenes A picture of Impeccable face Beveled an eminent sign Healed a film Of sorrow Painted a world Of Elation Your every move is a dance

GRAPHIC BY Jam Allaga

Angelic notes of Innocent chimes

Sculptures and opus Magnificent words An act of Blissful endearment A room of waltz Soft crafts Of cotton and thread The place where I linger your music and scent All these with you Made me feel Artistically visible

ayamesantini

VISIBLE ART 89

The jeepney ride By J. A. Dubouzet

“No way. We are not riding a... a jeepney.” The jeepney then took off. Angelo did not expect it; the sudden change from a dull stop to a blazing rush in the vehicle’s speed startled all the passengers in the jeepney, including him. His body jerked and was thrown to one side of his seat as the vehicle whizzed off in the road, beating a nearby traffic light and dodging taxis, trucks, and motorists along the way. Angelo tried hard to regain his senses. As he did so, a nudge was felt on his left shoulder. Angelo turned his head to see a girl sitting right beside him. She wore a pair of rimmed glasses and her brown wavy hair was tied into a curly ponytail. He then recognized her; it was Sara. She was smiling.

“Was it so hard to get into a jeepney?”

Angelo ignored her question. “I thought I told you I don’t like jeepneys. Why did you drag me here?” “It was getting really hot out there. Walking out in the middle of this kind of afternoon? Right now, it would be like a death march, Angelo.” Sara then faced towards a window behind them. Angelo faced the window in response, and from there he realized that Sara was right; he could feel the scorching rays of the afternoon sun singing his sweaty face. He was about to wipe the sweat off his brow, until he noticed that there was a half-open umbrella between his hands. Angelo quickly furled it back and stuffed it into his bag. As he did so, he felt the same stinging warmness that he felt from the window on his umbrella, as if it had been recently baked in an oven. And speaking of oven, Angelo then felt that he himself was being baked in that same oven. The jeepney’s metallic interior was rigid and tight; there were a lot of passengers in it. The air was as hot as the GRAPHIC BY Jam Allaga

air outside, only to be made hotter with each passenger pressing their bodies against one another and their breaths felt from one side to another. Angelo himself had his shoulder pressed to Sara’s. They were so close to each other that Angelo could smell the orange scent of Sara’s hair, which whipped against his face with the stinging afternoon breeze. Angelo then spoke to her. “The jeepney would be no different. It’s hot in here, plus it’s dirty and smelly too.” “But it’ll be much faster to your home by jeepney.” “I’d rather walk, thank you very much.” “But Angelo, jeepneys are fun! Didn’t that rush a while ago feel exhilarating?” “No, it didn’t. It was... disturbing.” Angelo fell silent. He did not like how fast the jeepney was going. He had not felt that rush in such a long time and was quite dizzy from it. Sweat poured from his brow once more, and Angelo knew that it was not the hot air alone that caused it. His dizziness soon faded away when he became distracted by the noisy bustling of different people of different ends of life. He saw an old, wrinkled man in front coughing before passing his fare to the barker; beside the old man was a petite woman scolding her three children who were fighting over kwek-kwek and juice; then there was a well-groomed salesman in the middle grumbling while constantly checking his watch; a college girl adorned with large earrings who was chattering on her sleek touchpad phone; a bearded young man right in front of the boy snoring himself to sleep, despite the whole noisy situation; and more. Angelo then turned towards Sara, who was bobbing her head to the beat of a familiar oldies love song that was playing in the jeepney. He looked at her and thought she looked funny; but he tried hard not to 92

laugh. Instead he pulled a face that was not amused, but Sara did not seem to pay any attention to how Angelo saw her. She was so absorbed by the song that she did not even bother to look at the boy when she spoke to him. "Come on, Angelo! You've got to love being in a jeepney! The rush, the people, the music – doesn’t being in a jeepney make you feel alive?" "No. No, it doesn’t." Angelo said. "Don't you see, Sara? The jeepney smells, the people are dirty, t-this whole thing is dirty! Are you not disgusted by it? Doesn't it make you want to be anywhere but here?" "What? You're over-reacting, Angelo. This whole ride isn't all bad. Sure, it's not perfect, but there's also some good to it. Aren't you looking at the brighter side of it all?" "There's nothing good about this jeepney. Nothing." As soon as Angelo said these words to her, the jeepney jolted to a stop. This threw both of them off their seats, along with the rest of the passengers aboard. Angelo peeked outside the window and from there he knew why the jeepney had stopped so suddenly - it had failed to beat another traffic light. It did not take long for the jeepney to wait for the traffic light’s signal to go. Just a moment before it could turn to green, the jeepney started moving again. As it began to pick up speed, Angelo began shuddering on his seat. The afternoon breeze blew against his face, forcing Angelo to brush the clumps of his shoulder-length, unkempt hair that was fluttering with the wind. He soon grew tired of brushing his hair and looked away from the window. He decided to peer through the jeepney's rear entrance instead, where he saw pedestrians and other vehicles distancing themselves farther and farther away from him and the jeepney that he rode on. Among the 93

vehicles that he saw, he found one that did not distance itself away him. It went nearer and nearer, until Angelo could see it well enough to describe it. Speeding towards the boy was a steel carriage, worn from years of running along dusty roads and then smudged on its sides with a mix of dirt and mud. It was scarred with scratches from its front, and Angelo could swear that it struck something or someone once - a small yet noticeable dent could be seen on its bumper. Its huge headlights glared at the boy coldly. It wheezed and sputtered black smog from its rear. Angelo then pulled out a handkerchief onto his face. It was a jeepney. "It looks like a mess." He muttered to himself. "Don't say that! It's beautiful." Sara had overheard Angelo; her words, either by its suddenness or by the message itself, struck him. Assuming it was the latter, Angelo tried to find truth in what Sara said; but he could not find it on the mobile scrap heap glaring at him. The jeepney eventually overtook them and whizzed off ahead, but not before another jeepney followed it. And that jeepney was followed by another. Another. Jeepney after jeepney sped past them, and all Angelo could do was look at these jeepneys with his eyes squinted. A look of disgust formed on his face. As he grumbled to himself, he pulled out the umbrella that he had furled earlier from his bag. But before Angelo could even unfurl it, he heard that familiar voice of the soft-spoken girl who he had talked to earlier. “What are you doing, Angelo?” “Sara, I’m leaving. Now.”

“But we’ve just got here! Don’t tell me you’re going to walk home!” “That’s exactly what I’m going to do.” 94

“Come on, Angelo! You can’t be afraid of jeepneys!”

Angelo then reached onto the handle bar above him. Two of his fingers clung close to it. His knuckle rose above his fingers until it touched the roof. Sara knew what it meant. “Angelo, don’t do it.” Angelo was silent this time, but his knuckles were still at the ceiling. It seemed that he was ready to knock it. Then, three knocks were heard. The jeepney made a full stop, throwing the passengers off of their seats again. After a moment of grumbling and murmurs, a little schoolgirl with a backpack who was sitting beside Sara pit-pattered off of the jeepney. But the vehicle did not speed off yet, as another person stepped in to take the little girl’s seat - a rather stout, middle-aged lady holding bags of unripe mangoes and dried fish. Her single step jolted the whole vehicle like a small earthquake as she made her way into the vacant spot next to Sara. Her large frame pushed Sara and Angelo towards the very end of the jeepney until the two’s shoulders pressed each other. Sara and Angelo were at a breath’s distance from each other, and the littlest of whispers could easily be heard. Sara was the first speak. “I should have known you weren’t going to do it.” “Well, I was going to...” “But you didn’t.” Sara said. “Angelo, why are you so afraid of jeepneys? They’re never going to hurt you!” “Hurt you... right.” Angelo was unimpressed. “It’s exactly the reason why I hate them.” 95

“Hate them? But why? What can jeepneys do to hurt people?” response.

Angelo fell silent with that question. But then he made his “They move so fast.”

jeepneys, cars, taxis, or trucks, but he didn’t. He saw a series of stalls, bakery shops, houses, and other buildings that were blurred by the jeepney’s speed. He could see banners and flags of different colors from the poles in the middle of the road, which were for the upcoming festival in the following week, turned into a rainbow stream that faded away in the distance.

With that, Angelo turned away, leaving Sara to herself. As he did, he saw the scenery at the rear entrance of the jeepney. He once again saw pedestrians and other vehicles distancing themselves farther and farther away from him and the jeepney that he rode on. He looked at one of the people walking along the street – a young man in school uniform with shoulder-length, unkempt hair, wearing a little knapsack and holding an umbrella to shade him from the afternoon sun.

It was a surrealistic scene; it contrasted the one that was inside the jeepney. Angelo could not help but become entranced in it. But as soon as Angelo began to gaze longingly outside the window, he threw everything out of his head and out of the window. He had just remembered when that last moment of joy was in his life, and he did not want to remember it any longer. He stopped looking at the window and shuddered on his seat.

Then it hit him: The young man looked just like him. ‘No, it couldn’t be’, Angelo thought to himself. The boy rubbed his eyes and gazed outside once more. The look-alike was still there; he was walking along a pedestrian lane. But this time he had someone accompanying him. It was a girl. She wore a pair of rimmed glasses and her brown wavy hair was tied into a curly ponytail. Angelo took a closer look at the girl’s face and knew it was not Sara. But she looked very familiar.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, I guess so.”

Angelo rubbed his eyes again. The two figures were replaced with a jeepney that sped right through the pedestrian lane. As the jeepney neared Angelo, the boy saw the same pair of large, round headlights that stared at him coldly. Stricken from what he saw, Angelo looked away from the rear entrance and returned immediately to Sara. He saw the girl looking at the front and at the windows. Angelo tried to see at where she was looking, to see what kept her attention away from him. The boy realized that Sara was busy admiring another, more different kind of scenery. He thought he was going to see another series of smog-sputtering

Sara then smiled. Angelo saw her smile, and he could only pause in response. The girl had such a brilliant smile, more radiant than the bright afternoon sun. Her rimmed glasses glimmered from that sun’s rays, but these did not hide her eyes that sparkled behind them. The feeling of warmness that Angelo once forced out returned to fill the boy from within. It made him lay a weak smile - he had not smiled in such a long time - in return. Then, it struck him; he knew why he did not stop the jeepney. But at the same time, he felt that she was the reason that he should have stopped it. These thoughts circled within his mind, causing so much confusion in Angelo. He grabbed his hair, as if trying to pry the thoughts out of his head. Sara noticed what Angelo was doing and raised her concern. “Are you okay, Angelo?” > Contd. on p. 100

PHOTO BY Farrideh Jadali Sabet and Louise Loreno

“I’m okay.” Angelo lied. “I was just... just reminded of someone.” “Of someone? Who?” “A…A friend of mine back in high school.” The boy brushed his hair. He could feel the rush of the jeepney’s speed as the wind blew against it. He then shuddered in his seat. “Damn this jeepney moves so fast.” “Yeah. If only it could go slower, no? I love this ride so much that sometimes I wish it would never stop.” “Yeah, if only it was slower...” Angelo weakly replied. He could tell that Sara did not understand what he meant. He was disappointed at first, but then he realized that it was okay. She did not need to know. What mattered was that she was enjoying the jeepney’s ride, that she saw the brighter side of it all. He then wondered if he could do the same thing. He stopped looking at the rear entrance and joined Sara as she stared outside the window. At first he stared blankly, as if waiting for something to happen, then longingly. The hot afternoon breeze rushed into the window and began to brush against his face, but this did not annoy Angelo, unlike before. Instead, he felt the breeze embracing his soul in a certain kind of warmness that he had never felt in a long time. As he stared outside the window, he then noticed a familiar vehicle rushing on the road. It was a jeepney, which looked like the one that he saw earlier. But this time, the jeepney looked colorful. A rainbow of props and paint littered around the jeepney; its front adorned with little flags from Independence Day and streamers of the warm colors of red, orange, and yellow fluttered in the scorching breeze of the afternoon. The driver, or whoever decorated the jeepney, made sure not a single part or inch of the vehicle was left untouched. Metal ornaments of different shapes and sizes littered around it, with the crème of the crop being what looked like a solo corral on its hood as it was donned with a brilliant white stallion standing within an iron ring. 100

Angelo was finished observing the outer details of the jeepney and assessed that it was a mess. A terrible, colorful mess. He could describe the whole thing as a mobile scrap heap splattered in paint so no one would notice it was actually a scrap heap. Yet, no matter how hard Angelo would bash the artistic taste of the jeepney’s decorator, a feeling in the boy told him that it was in this whole mess that there was something in it that could be appreciated. The boy muttered to himself. “It’s beautiful.” Then, three knocks were heard. The jeepney made a full stop, throwing the passengers off of their seats once more. Angelo peered towards the jeepney’s front to see if anyone was leaving. But unlike before, not a single person left their seat. An eerie silence filled the scene. Then, Angelo turned to see Sara. Her arm was raised towards the jeepney’s It was Sara who stopped the jeepney. “You were about to miss home. Isn’t this where you should be dropping off?”

“Yes, but... but how about you?”

“My home is still far away. Good thing for you, yours is nearby.”

“But...” “You don›t need to walk home for me, Angelo. Don›t worry, I’ll be fine.” Angelo stared at Sara. He was not sure what to do. The passengers were taking glances at him and Sara, as if wanting either of them to leave. Even the thoughts in the boy’s own mind was telling 101

him that he should leave. His thoughts reminded him that the boy named Angelo hated jeepneys after all, and that moment was the perfect opportunity for this boy to leave the jeepney, once and for all. But Angelo did not want to leave. Not after all this. He may need to leave the jeepney sooner or later - he could not stay inside forever – but that moment was not the time. Not just yet.

So Angelo made his decision. He did not move.

“Angelo, what are you doing?”

this?”

“So, does that mean you›ll be taking a walk back home after With that, Angelo replied an even different answer: “No way. I’ll be taking a jeepney instead.”

“We started the ride together. I›d like it to end just the same.” He then smiled. Sara had never seen Angelo lay such a wide, joyful smile before. She smiled back in response. It took a while for the jeepney to wait for anyone to leave and set foot on the ground – from there they should continue their trek – or for anyone to board it – and continue their journey on the road. But there was none to do any of the two for the moment. The jeepney then took off. Angelo did not expect it; the sudden change from a dull stop to a blazing rush in the vehicle›s speed startled all the passengers in the jeepney, including him. His body jerked and was thrown to one side of his seat as the vehicle whizzed off in the road, beating a nearby traffic light and dodging taxis, trucks, and motorists along the way. Angelo tried hard to regain his senses. As he did so, a nudge was felt on his left shoulder. Angelo turned his head to see a girl sitting right beside him. She wore a pair of rimmed glasses and her brown wavy hair was tied into a curly ponytail. It was Sara. She was smiling. The whole scene felt so familiar, until she asked a different question:

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GRAPHIC BY Jam Allaga

To sleep and to wake up ayamesantini

As immeasurable instinct Explore wideness In unconscious iris An infinite dream Person escapes The bounded distinct In dreams they swarm A euphoric crimson Let visions tolerate The heart’s desire Let impossible break Make flight of contingency It is to please Person’s atmosphere Create valuable pleasure None otherwise Revelations, enigma Representations and structure 104

Significant there is Something to seek At all times blurry Unpredicted frames Scenes obtainable The metaphor speaks Some may lead toxic Some destines bruise One thing’s certain It was never concrete To wake up Contact what’s streamed Shed sweat Make it happen Scintillates to save or Disclose and forget Vanquished to regret Soon to be an epic. 105

POWER CUT Claudette Gunayan

t went down, Like a flash of lightning, Couldn’t even hear a sound, Just the crickets singing, You stood there, Your face I couldn’t see, But strongly pulling me, I couldn’t even resist. Where did the lights go? There was nothing to do, The silence is deafening, On a cold dark evening. The big round moon, Is beaming outside,

The only sun, The only light, Waiting and wanting. I pulled you closer, There’s only one thing, I longed to do. I reach for your lips, Darkness bathed your face, Closer and closer, I feel you breathing,

My friend asked me if I wanted candy, I said “Sure, why not?” It was different, the candy he gave to me. I felt his mouth, felt his breath so hot, It gave me shivers and chills. I had to admit, I liked it a lot. This was different, It had the thrills. In a heartbeat, he pulled back, The moment is fast… it almost kills. I noticed something when he pulled away, I tasted strawberry in my mouth. He gave me candy in his special way.

I see sparks, When we kissed in the dark, Wishing it won’t stop, Power cut, don’t stop.

Lips

Jason’s Kiss 106

107

Alam kong gusto mo nang simulan Ngunit bago pa ang lahat Babalaan na kita Hindi ito malaki Hindi rin kahabaan Pero salat sa katigasan.

Ouroboros Scyn

A slow slither, A flick of the tongue. It consumes itself, Where its beginning meets its end. And so it is done. Eternity is this.

Gusto ko lang namang Malaman mo kung ano ‘yong totoo Mahirap na, baka magataka ka’t Ihamabing mo itong Sakin sa mga nakasalamuha mong kano. Eh, pinoy kaya ako Hindi ko na kasalanan Kung bakit ganito, bawal Namang magreklamo, ika nga Matoto raw tayong makontento. Alam kong alam mo ‘yan Hindi naman lingid sa aking kaalaman Na ikaw ay kuwan Kaya nga kasama kita ngayon

Reyna ng hugis Eksperto sa sukat. Siya nga pala, Nakakahiya mang aminin Pero, Oo, ito ang magiging una Naman kasi, kung hindi ako Pagtataksilan, di kaya’y ako’y Hindi napagbibigyan. Kaya patawarin mo na Kung sakali man ay ikaw’y mahirapan. Malay mo sa kalagitnaan, Matutunan ko ring makipagsabayan. Mahaba-haba na rin ‘tong aking nasabi, Nawa’y “masiyahan” ako. Nawa’y ikaw ay “makontento” Paglimot ang sa akin, kabuhayan ang saiyo Kaya tatapusin ko na ang pagkwekwento, Halikana, Hubaran mo na ako.

Oktubre

DespErado 108

109

I always dream of the perfect romantic scene. Maybe because I am an artist or maybe because I am a girl, I don’t know. Right now I am blanketed under the dark sheets of the sky and its beautiful glitters with him. It is only the moon’s light and reflection across the unending sea illuminated the place. We are seated on the sand that sparkles through the night as if a diamond thief has scattered it over the place. Two people in silence: it was an epic. It’s the perfect picture to draw in an empty canvas. Even so, there was something different. He broke the silence. While he started to talk, my mind wandered. I remember pretty well the first time we were here. He was my best friend. He arrived at our house surprisingly with a scooter the kind you see in Italy. He was so cute. He invited me to ride with him and promised to take me some place where I would really love. It was the same night; full moon, sparkling stars, and clear sky. He was so casual until suddenly, he knelt down like a man proposing to a woman to become his bride. Only he was admitting his feeling for me. For all he knows, I too felt the same. And we both cried a tear and he hugged me tight. “Are you listening?”, he asked. I wasn’t. My mind travelled into the past while my body was left behind.

“Yes I am”, I lied.

He held me tight and looked straight into my eyes. My mind wanted to escape from those stares. And he said, “I love you.”

Two hearts By Khryszchan F. Torrejos GRAPHIC BY Jam Allaga

My heart wanted to say the exact same words while my mind battled.

He is the perfect guy, my heart said.

But something is not right, my mind replied.

They have been debating for weeks now. He waited for an answer. I kissed him in the cheeks and looked away. I opted for a walk. He 111

followed me behind.

Let him go! You are only hurting him and yourself, my mind told me.

No. Give yourself a chance. Give him a chance. This is just one of those ‘cold feet’ moments that lovers experience, my heart fought back.

He is your BEST FRIEND, said my mind.

out.

He is now your BEST FRIEND and your LOVER, my heart pointed

He was everything I wanted yet, I am in so much pain and confusion. And I think he has noticed this too. And I guess he’s battling as well with himself whether we should let each other go or go on. I asked myself what is it really that is most important. Should we go on though we’ll both be wounded or should I let go and give ourselves time to think it over? I don’t know the answer yet. “Wait up!” I hadn’t noticed that he was paces short. I slowed down. He caught grip with my wrist. I look at him. He was crying. My heart was aching. I can’t bear to see him cry. He continued to grip tightly. And through his grip I can feel he is scared. I want to make him feel that it’s all right. But it’s very un-altruistic of me. Everything is not all right. In fact we’ve been deceiving ourselves to the point that it hurts already. I fought my tears but I can’t. We were both waiting for the words to come up. We both know what’s going to happen next.

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those to you. I was afraid to let you go because it might break you. But I was wrong. Holding on had cause you more pain, instead. I am sorry.” Tears are now flawlessly finding its way downward. Like it had been practicing for weeks and just waiting for the go signal. He cried as well. And he hugged me so tight and whispered my name in a fashion that would make you feel like you are the only one he would ever need. One of the many things that I like him do. “I love you too. Don’t be sorry. I should be the one who’s sorry. I have already seen that you were having a hard time with me. But I forced myself to believe that all is well. My heart blinded my eyes to the point of hurting you already. I am sorry.” Struggling at each word, he replied. I stepped back and looked straight into his eyes. This is the whole truth. I want him to see that. “I love you more than you ever know. And because of that I am letting you go. Let’s give each other time and space. And when we’re ready, when we find what we’re looking for and when we know for sure that the only thing that would complete us is each other. Then, we will decide if we still wanted the same thing. Until that time comes, I love you. I will always love you.” I can’t bear to see him crying anymore so I went ahead. We’re magnets and he’s my opposite pole. And right now I’m fighting that magnetic pull that keeps us together. Each step I take gets harder and harder. I looked back and all I see is the silhouette of him against the moonlight. And the last tear fell.

“Let me go.” He was stuttering as he said the words. I was baffled. But the tears in his eyes were the ones who made me realize.

out.

Gaia replied in amazement and with teary eyes. She then wiped it

“I am so sorry. I am so sorry.” I cried. “I love you so much. I still love you but everything is not all right. Though we are perfect together, I just feel that we still lack something. And I didn’t have the courage to say

“Is it another story Gaia? So what is it this time? Snow White? Cinderella?” A man who peered from the door slowly came in.

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“DAD! You we’re late. Anyways, those are for little kids. This time it’s a love story, a real one.” She answered. Then, she looked at me as if interrogating me and asked, “So what do you think did happen to them, mom?” He held me close to him and whispered my name in a certain fashion only he does.

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And I answered Gaia, “They both have you.”

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By Jancarlo Quibod

Yes this was what it was during that time, where the sun laid silently as the witness to growing and destruction of what was to become us. Now we ask ourselves, where was it all now? Where have the deadening emotions rouse? Looking back at the place of silence, we lived out our lives as if it has already been set for us. Yet, we choose to break out from it and shatter the screams of millions to hear what our hearts scream and communicate it through the glistening eyes of ours. Yes, this was the moment of how the million tragedies started, the hollowfication of the creations the sun has set to fire up the passions in our hearts.

GRAPHIC BY Jam Allaga

The Place Where the Sun is Silent

You care to know my name but it is of no utter importance. What matter the most is that I have spent almost six years of my life not looking forward but looking back, back at the place where it all began. The time spent at looking back to trysts of life, to the time where heartache and magic where almost one and the same. Looking back to the time where we started the love and ended it in the place where the chrysanthemums bloom to the red light of the sunâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s twilight, where the sound so devoid that one can only appreciate the whispers the wind carries.

Yes it all started in the place where the sun was silent. It was the place where it all began. We met on the hilltop to wait for the sun to kiss the twilightâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s horizon giving an end to the moment where it was darkest. It only took a few seconds for the light to emerge and blanket its warmth to the land of labor, the sea of possibilities and to the limitless sky. I was there and she was there. She, with the long black hair that the yellowish red light has reflected upon and skin that was of white that the nymphs of the trees grew jealous upon, waited for whispers of perversions that seemed to last forever. She sat on that rock and without a hint of hesitation I gave my jacket to her and left without looking back. She called to know my name but replied with a hint of arrogance yet simmered to the tone of humility.

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“Nevermore” I continued to walk the path which has been set for me, thinking this was only a moment that will never pass in time again. Yet with the sun as our witness, she whisper no words to the breeze that the place gives us – maybe this was not to happen ever again in the moment of our lives. True or maybe not, the glimpses of our hopes and fears of that very moment started to spark in the trudging of what the palisade cliffs of that hill may gossips to the trees, to the grasses, to orchids that bloom in waking and the chrysanthemums that spill the sweetest words of our fateful encounter. Days pass and I return to that place of bittersweet silence to try and drown the memories of heartache and magic. I wait for the sun to rise and beam out the warmth that can comfort my tortured soul, a release of the tainted blood that course through my veins and pure my heart. I shout in an utmost, almost disastrous, fervor. “There is no escape to the mutations of ghastly proportions and only in death shall I free myself to the poisonous machinations of a love lost to crystal believers.” The aberrations come and go and I stand on the palisade cliffs of the hilltop. I almost made the jump then she came along, wearing the same jacket I gave her. I noticed her presence and at that moment the intention of ending the sentience of screaming butchers in my ears seem to fade at the very instant. What was I to her and her to the place of where the sun is silent? The nymphs whisper perverse gossips – revenge upon the beauty that has strangled me. It was like in the story, how beauty killed the beast. I pass by her and hoping that I would never return to the palisade cliffs at the hilltop.

“Infatuation has strangled me again”, I whisper in her ear.

“There’s no resisting the tangled web of your secret fantasy and a strange sensation is falling over me”, she replied with a sweet whisper.

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“I may be blind but I can see your kiss will punish me and I will fall down on my knees in anticipation of the dawning”, I replied I tear myself from the beaten path never to look back and still I glance, the lure of a forbidden dance. I’m hypnotized by the sordid nymph who races from me. I left and trudge the long path and in the recesses of my mind only one word comes out of it. “Nevermore” She quickly grasped my arms and only told me to wait. Perhaps even angels had devils for their advocates. I stopped on my tracks and took a quick glance at her. I ask myself the question why would she go out of her way to care for a little love that cannot be revived by any whisper. Her words were dancing in the surrealistic surroundings of time and space. Yet, I only wanted to continue off the palisade cliffs on the hilltop. As the sun as my witness a bearer of the many truths that will be told, this was the best for the both of us – to let go any traces of me in her heart and mind for it will do no good, no better, no best to her. “If you must leave, at least let me know your name” she whispered with a tone of bittersweetness. “Are the labels time have placed on us important?” I replied with such regress.

“At least get to know mine.”

Will I care to know her name as she will care to know mine? Funny how I ask a question that I know the answer to. I know this because she knows this because the sun, the trees, the blooming orchids and soothsaying chrysanthemums on the palisade cliffs know this. “You cannot ask which I give freely” I only muttered with such sick desperation.

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“Can we meet again?” she said.

I only gave out a loud sigh and silence thereafter – in respect to the sun as our witness to the everlasting delusions of our own grandeur. I continue to walk and then I stopped and replied.

“That is for our hearts to decide.” Then I walked away.

Days pass and I return to the palisade cliffs to ask an audience to the ever silent sun. She was nowhere to be found and alas all hope was gone. Love so sweet yet so bitter. Like the everlasting whores that can only give what the flesh lusts for yet leave the screams of our hearts desire forever falling into the abyss of nothingness. I waited and waited and waited until the nymphs of the palisade cliffs whisper again of perverse gossips about her. Poisonous lies which I cannot stomach, nay, destroy something which I have spent days creating. Until I heard a bittersweet tone that made the whispers all go away. “This heart speak of such tragedies yet when the tragedies end the lustful desires of this heart begin” she uttered with such sorrow. She walked by my side and I held her hand and I gave not a care to what the nymphs of the palisade cliffs whisper to my ears. It is only her voice that gives calm to this weary soul – a tryst of a love lost to crystal believers. I feel an utter sadness inside me as I held tightly to her hand. The heavens also feel my pain as it cries with my heart, hoping for this lost love made anew. As the water drips from the sky I start to wonder if I’m still alive then I have to find the answer. Could it be that this was all but just a dream and I’m still beside her? Right before my eyes a tragic surprise, the water stops.

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taste?”

“Do you think it's wrong of me to long for you despite how you

“I'll never leave the ground without having to let go because every time I try I'm further from the sky.”

“I wish that I could let go, but I'm lost in your beautiful trance.”

An exchange of words so sweet yet so bitter and for the first time it meant something, maybe a beginning of something else. This was a tragic ending to the perverse gossips and unsubstantiated soothsaying. Weeks then pass and then the months pass. The memory of such tragedy was long gone inside my mind. It was trapped forever in the recesses of my unconsciousness. On the eve of night of the one year that has passed, we dare our weak-willed hearts to return to the hilltop, to the palisade cliffs, to the blooming orchids and the soothsaying chrysanthemums. You have arrived before me and then as I thought they were gone, the nymphs again whisper of perverse gossips as we all wait for the sun to rise yet again. I slowly approach you and turn towards me with a tear of a sweet nectar as I graze upon my own thoughts of what might have happened. “I’m sorry” she said with such sad tone.

“I do not understand” I replied.

“I believe that everything that is between us is not supposed to happen” she replied.

“I still do not understand. What are you trying to make of this?”

“I hold your hand as you hold mine.”

“I thought that my heart only belonged to you but it seemed that it belong to someone else.”

“What do you think could it be?”

“Your heart beats for another?” 121

“Yes.”

“To whom does it beat for?” I shouted with such rage.

“Goodbye… I’m sorry… I’m so sorry.”

Maybe none of us really understood what we’ve lived through or if we had enough time to set an audience to the ever silent sun. This is the end of what was to become yet a start of something that was supposed to be undone.

Then she left there on the stillness – the sun still not rising. “To whom does it beat for?” Again I shouted with such rage. I kneel on the ground pitying myself the things that have happened. Alas the taste of death of my love replaced the smell of the palisade cliff’s death. A lovely wee morning draped in regret. I should have listened to the perverse gossips of the jealous nymphs. Were the gossips ever so perverse? Were the nymphs ever so jealous? Perhaps they were only protecting me and I have disregarded their pleas. I am the one who now suffers. The sun rises as I slowly get up from kneeling on the ground. I am bounded on the palisade cliffs enchanted by heartache and I am breathless. How could it be that such a wondrous place is trapped in silence? I open my mind to whispers of the breeze, the trees, the grasses, the blooming orchids and the soothsaying chrysanthemums. Yet none of them comforts my weary heart now lost of love anew to crystal believers in a scouring imaginarium. The only thing that I cry my pitiful love are to the nymphs of the palisade cliff that no longer speak of perverse gossips but sing the tunes of rage. The tunes comfort me as I listen in peace and amazement at each screaming wave. Everywhere I look there’s only agony and pain. What’s the point of fighting everything when there’s nothing to save? Time is melting away, I can’t explain but my eyes are begging to stay. I must say a sunny day that the silent sun gives helps push the memories away. Yet, Caution must be obeyed on the palisade cliffs on the hill lest one want to have their weary, love-lost hearts be tainted of decay. 122

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Screen Breakingfree

I was on the screen And my mind ran Fast, the moving Objects from the Light made reflection on my eyes. Pixilated in the outside but a High-def camera playing inside. I was on the screen and it called my knees to shake slowly, the voices coming out from the speakers swift like how the pixilated reflection turned quick. I was on the screen

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And it pull my hands Gently, the sounds And a reflection was made. I was on the screen And I know the cycle, Figured out what Is next, forget the blurriness. I was on the screen And my nose Has smelled what it was. I was with everything, The light, the reflection, The sound, the hasty movements Of my mind, of my knees, Of my hands. I was on the screen. On that screen.

GRAPHIC BY Dave Bringas

Holding Hands Karla Stefan Singson I like it when you hold my hand i like it when you try to establish a connection capture my attention either in the midst of a busy crowd or in the peace of a midnight slumber

PHOTO BY Shaula Almeria

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Wala na gihurot ni Stella ang iyang kape.

“Lagi, kuya. Padulong na ko. Apurado man kaayo ka uy,” maoy sulti ni Stella samtang ginataktak ang toothbrush sa gripo. Mga alas sais y media kadto ug padulong sila ni kuya Lucas niya sa eskwelahan. “Pasensya gyud, hud. Naa pa mi asaynment sa Araling Panlipunan. Mangopya pa ko sa akong klasmeyt, mao’ng dapat ta magdali. Tara na.” Gibira ni Lucas ang iyang sling bag nga naa sa lamesita duol sa ilang TV. Nakalimot diay siya sa pagsirado sa zipper sa bag ug nangahulog ang iyang mga sinsilyo pati ang iyang cellphone. “Na, na, na… paghinay pud, nak! Naunsa man ka nga mura man ka’g gigukod og manok? Wa man ka gaamping sa imong gamit uy! Huna-hunaa biya ha nga dili ta dato. Swerte na man gani mo kay napalitan pa mo’g cellphone, dili pa gyud ninyo ampingan? Hay nalang!” Mao’y sulti sa ilang inahan nga nagpugong-pugong nga mangasaba sa sayong oras sa buntag. Mingisi lamang si Lucas samtang gipunit ang iyang nabungkag nga cellphone. Gibalik niya og taod ang battery, keypad ug casing niini. Dayon gipindot-pindot niya kung moandar pa ba. Namatikdan ni Stella nga naratol ang iyang kuya tungod kay hinay-hinay nga nagtubod ang dagkong lugas sa singot sa agtang ni Lucas, ug daw nangurog ang iyang mga kamot. Mitabang na lang si Stella sa pagpamunit sa mga sinsilyo. Sa dihang nahuman na sila, nanamilit sila sa ilang ginikanan ug nanggawas. Samtang paspas nga gabaklay ang magsoon pagawas sa eskinita aron mopara og jeep, namatikdan ni Lucas nga nagbaguod si Stella sa pagdala sa backpack niini. Naluoy si Lucas sa iyang second year high school nga manghud. Unsaon kay honor student man si Stella ug dili GRAPHIC BY Steven Adrianne Chua

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gyud niya gustong ibilin ang iyang mga libro ug notebook. Kung puydi lang ganing magpatahi siyag mga sanina nga naay built-in nga bag, dugay na unta niyang gibuhat. Pero dili man sab gud niya gustong ma-mura siya’g tanga tan-awon. Siyempre, ang mga ingon anang edara, conscious na man sab sa ilang itsura. Dalagita na raba si Stella. Naa nay mga nakagusto ug naa na puy nagustuhan. “Ako na lang dala sa imong bag, hud bi. Kambyo na lang ta.” Mihunong sila pagbaklay ug gitunol ni Lucas ang iyang sling bag samtang gikuha ang backpack sa iyang manghud. “Uy, palangga daw ko ni kuya.” Mingisi si Stella samtang gituslok niya’g tudlo ang dimple sa tuong bahin sa aping ni Lucas. Mipahiyom lang pud ang maguwang. “Ngeks. Palangga daw? Pataka ra man ka uy. Ako lang ganing gikuha kay para paspas ka makalakaw kay para sayo pa ta makaabot sa eskwelahan. Haha… abi nimo’g palangga gyud tika, ha?” Gisunglog sa maguwang ang manghud ug gilitkan niya ang walang dalunggan niini. Dayon, midagan si Lucas. “Agay! Bantay lang gyud kang kuyaha ka ba. Isumbong tika kay ate Lea ba. Ingnon nako nga bulagan ka na niya. Hahaha.” Sa pagkadungog ni Lucas sa bahad sa iyang manghud, kalit lang siya miundang sa pagdagan. Gikuot niya ang iyang cellphone ug hinay-hinay nga nagbaklay samtang duna kini ginabasa nga text. Gigukod siya ni Stella ug gibalosan og litik. Apan namatikdan sa manghud nga walay reaksyon si Lucas. Nagpadayon lamang kini sa pagbaklay nga diretso ang tinan-awan. Paspas. Mas paspas.

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“ Magdali ta labong naa pay jeep. ” Mando ni Lucas.

klasrum. Misinggit si Stella, “Bye, kuya! Hapiton tika unyang ulian ha?” Mitando lang si Lucas. Wala mitingog. Wala mingisi. Midiretso siya sa fourth year building, dayon sa ilang klasrum. Didto, naabtan niya ang iyang mga klasmeyt nga nagtapok ug nagkamamo sa pagkopya og asaynment. Sa huna-huna ni Lucas, dili na lang siya moapil sa flag ceremony kay kulang pa ang diyes minutos nga nahibilin para mangopya. Essay type pa raba gyud ang asaynment. Gitawag siya sa iyang klasmeyt nga si Ben. “Uy, Cas! Kani na lang akoa ang kopyaha kay nahuman na man ko’g anser.” “Pag-sure diha, Ben. Kanus-a man sad daw ka nakahibalo maghuna-huna, be? Haha…ilaron pa gyud ko nimong kagwanga ka. Ambi daw be, akong tan-awon kay basig mali na imong gikopya,” matod pa ni Lucas. Mibalik ang mga ngisi niya. Sa makadiyot, nakalimtan niya ang iyang gihuna-huna kaganina. “Mura pud kag korek. Wa kay salig nako, parts? Pers klas ang gikuhaan nako ana uy! Dili ka? Aw, kuhaon nako nang papel.” “Hmmm… murag tama man ning imong gikopya. Parehas mi’g idea. Brayt ang nianser ani, brayt. Payts, puydi na ni.” Gipaspasan ni Lucas pagkopya. Ambot lang pero gagmay gyud og mga grado si Lucas ug mosugot lang kini nga magsige’g pangopya. Line of seven halos tanan niyang grado. Sa Math ug MAPEH ra gyud tawon siya nakakuha ug 80. Maayo na lang intawon. “Pagpaspas, parts kay naa pa ko’y isulti nimo. Important very much,” matod pa ni Ben.

Sa wala madugay, nakaabot na sila sa City-high. Alas sais singkwenta na kadto ug giuli na nila ang ilang tagsa-tagsa ka bag.

Mihangad kadali si Lucas ug nangutana kung unsa kadtong isulti ni Ben.

Nagbulagay na ang magsoon padulong sa ilang tagsa-tagsa ka

“Ah, basta tiwasa sa na’g kopya kay basig mag emo-emo ka inig > Contd. on p. 134 131

GRAPHIC BY Steven Adrianne Chua ORIGINAL PHOTOS BY Adi Leuterio

isulti na nako. Mabasa og luha akong asaynment. Basta, unya na.” Pagkahuman ni Lucas og kopya, giipit niya sa iyang notebook ang papel ug gibalik kang Ben ang asaynment niini. Gipangutana dayon niya si Ben bahin sa gusto niyang isulti. Gidala ni Ben si Lucas sa ilang garden sa likod sa klasrum. Nilingi-lingi si Ben sa palibot aron siguruhon nga way laing makadungog sa ilang istoryahan. Ug miingon siya, “Cas, naa na gyud kay rason para moapil sa Spiders. Kung madunggan na nimo ni akong ingnon, dili na gyud ka magduha-duha ug apil sa amo.” “Unsa man lagi nang imong ingnon? Dalia ba. Samoka uy.” Apurado na kaayo si Lucas.

“Imong uyab. Si Lea.”

“Si Lea? Naunsa diay, ha?”

“Kagabii. Sila ni Paclar. Nakita sa tropa nga….” “Kinsa pud nang yawaa nang Paclara na?” Atat na kaayo si Lucas samtang gikaptan ang mga abaga ni Ben. Namula na siya ug ang mga kunot sa iyang agtang nagtagbo, lisod masubay ang sinugdanan ug ang sumpay. Sama ra usab ang kalibog ni Lucas. “Si Paclar. Kristofer Paclar, kadtong right-hand sa lider sa kalaban namo nga gang, ang Bloods. Dugay na na siyang ginamanmanan sa tropa. Ug kagabii,” nilingi-lingi pag-usab si Ben, “nakita sila sa tropa nga nagpalami og… kuotanay didto sa covered court. Silang duha sa imong uyab.” Napungot pagtaman sa Lucas sa iyang nadunggan. Taliwala sa kabugnaw sa buntag, nitulo ang iyang mga singot ug nisurop sa balasong yuta. 134

Mao diay nga wala na nireply sa iyang mga text si Lea. Mao diay

nga ginalikayan na siya ni Lea kung makigkita siya. Nahinumduman ni Lucas nga kadtong niaging semana, mitext si Lea kaniya ug miingon nga init ang iyang lawas ug gusto niyang tagbawon siya ni Lucas. Nalibog kadiyot si Lucas niadtong tungora usa pa niya nasabtan ang buot pasabot ni Lea. Imbitasyon diay kadto nga may dalang timtasyon. Misandig si Lucas sa punoan sa talisay ug mihangad siya aron silipon ang dan-ag sa adlaw taliwala sa mga dahon ug sanga sa kahoy. Mihangad siya aron pugngan ang pagtulo sa iyang mga luha ngadto sa basa nga yuta. Gaumog pa ang yuta tungod sa ulan adtong niaging gabii. “Parts, unsa man? Unsa’y plano? Andam ang Spiders motabang sa imo,” pasalig ni Ben. Usa pa man makatubag si Lucas, mibagting na ang bell sa eskwelahan, sinyal nga magsugod na ang klase. “Pwede ko makig-istorya sa inyohang mga Spiders unya? Unyang ulian?” Nitando si Ben ug nanulod silang duha sa klasrum. Si Lucas, wala sa maayong buot. Mga alas tres sa hapon, nagsugod na og panggawas ang mga estudyante gikan sa mga klasrum. Mideretso si Stella sa canteen duol sa fourth year building aron didto hulaton ang iyang maguwang. Samtang gapaabot, nipalit si Stella og duha ka panwich. Iyang gikaon ang usa. Ang usa, iyang gisulod sa iyang bulsa kay aron ihatag sa iyang kuya Lucas inig abot niini. Sigurado siyang gigutom na gyud ang iyang maguwang. Nag alas kwatro na lang apan wala pa miagi si Lucas sa canteen nga gitambayan ni Stella. Kabalo si Stella nga moagi gyud didto ang iyang kuya kay wa na may laing lustanan pagawas. Nakadesisyon siya nga iyang adtoon sa klasrum si Lucas. Hinay-hinay nga galakaw ang dalagita samtang gakanta-kanta. Medyo mingaw na didtong dapita kay nakauli na ang ubang estudyante. Usa pa siya nakaabot sa klasrum sa iyang kuya, nakadungog na siya’g mga 135

tingog sa lalaki nga gaistoryahanay, ug nadunggan niya ang tingog ni Lucas. Wala mipadayon si Stella ug duol sa klasrum ni Lucas. Hinuon, mituyok siya sa likod sa room aron maniid kung unsay ginabuhat sa mga batan-ong lalaki sa sulod.

nakaluhod samtang nagpalibot kaniya ang ubang myembro. Sa atubangan ni Lucas nagtindog si Louie ug dunay mga gipangyawyaw. Nakadungog si Stella sa mga pulong apan wala na niya gipaminaw. Ang iyang tuyo mao ang masayran kung unsaon ang iyang kuya.

“Dili ka magmahay nga niapil ka sa Spiders, Lucas. Andam ming motabang sa imo kanunay. Basta wala lay traydoray.”

Taud-taud, gitunol ni Ben kang Louie ang usa ka injection nga puno og berde nga likidong. Gituruk ang maong droga kang Lucas. Mipiyong lang ang mata ni Lucas samtang ginapaak ang iyang ngabil. Gikuha dayon ni Louie ang usa ka baseball bat. Gihalok-halokan kini ni Louie, dayon gimandoan si Lucas nga motindog.

Gitan-aw ni Stella kung kinsay misulti adto. Pagtan-aw niya, si Louie Reston diay. Ang iladong lider sa Spiders gang. Nakulbaan siya. Nahibal-an niya nga miapil na iyang kuya sa maong notorious nga gang sa Davao. “Mga Brad, mangadto na ta sa hideout para didto nalang nato i-initiate ang atong bag-ong kauban. Didto na lang sab nato planohon ang pagtodas kang Paclar,” maoy sugo ni Louie. Nanghawa ang mga batan-ong lalaki. Nagbulag-bulag sila. Sa grupo ni Ben mikuyog si Lucas nga niadtong higayona, hilom ug wala kaayo gaistorya. Apan maklaro sa iyang nawong ang kalagot ug ang kagustuhang makabalos kang Lea ug kang Kristof Paclar. Andam na siya, bisan sa pagpatay. Samtang nanglakaw ang mga Spiders, nagsunod si Stella. Apan gaamping-amping gyud siya nga dili masakpan. Kahibalo sab si Stella nga ang maong gang, wanted na sa kapulisan sa lungsod. Sayod sab siya nga ang DDS padayon sa pagpamatay sa mga myembro sa bisag-unsang gang sa lungsod. Miabot ang grupo didto sa usa ka abandonadong bilyaran sa Jacinto. Mao kadto’y giila nilang hideout. Sa dihang nakasulod na tanang Spiders, mipaduol si Stella sa bilyaran. Pagsilip niya sa gamay nga bangag, nakita niya nga nanaka ang mga lalaki sa second floor. Sa kagustuhan ni Stella nga makahibalo, misulod siya ug gibilin iyang bag sa usa ka lamesa sa silong. Mikamang siya pasaka ug gisilip ang gihimo sa mga Spiders Nakita niya ang iyang kuya Lucas nga dunay taptap sa mga mata ug 136

Mitindog si Lucas. Sa wala madugay gibunal ni Louie ang maong bat sa paa ni Lucas. Gibunal niya ang bat nga murag namunal og punoan sa kahoy. Dili lang kausa. Kaduha. Katulo. Sa paa. Sa hawak. Sa lubot. “Aaaaaahhh….aaahh! Agaaayy!” Mao lamang kini ang nasiyagit ni Lucas samtang natumba kini sa salog. “Kuya Lucas! Kuyaaa!” Wala makapugong si Stella. Sa iyang kakurat, nakasiyagit siya. Nabungkag ang pundok sa mga batan-ong lalaki ug ilang gikuha si Stella. Naghilak ang dalagita kay ginapuga man sab ang iyang bukton. Naghilak sab siya kay naluoy sa iyang kuya. “Stella! Nga..nong naa man ka.. diri? Pauli na!” Giduol ni Lucas ang iyang manghud bisag nagtakiang kini. Miduol lang og kalit si Louie. “Unsa man ni bay? Nganong nakabalo man na imong manghud, ha? Dili magsilbi na dinhii sa Spiders. Kinahanglan na siya silotan!” “Ha? A..ambot nganong nakahibalo na siya nga naa ta dinhi. Basig gisundan ta niya. Nganong naa man ka diri, Stella ha?” “Kay naguol man ko sa imo kuya. Ha..hadlok ko ma..maunsa ka... Nganong nag-apil man ka..a..ani nga mga ga..gago man ni sila?” 137

Puta!”

“Ayay! Mga gago daw ta parts. Ayay!,” Mipalag ang mga lalaki. “Wala ka kasabot nganong miapil ko. Ayaw nag labot-labot bi!

Natingala kaayo si Stella nganong ingon ato ang pagtratar sa iyang kuya kaniya. Nakahilak na lang siya. Dayon, miduol si Louie kang Stella ug gisinyasan ang ubang mga naggunit kang Stella nga ipahigda kini sa salog. Duha ka lalaki ang naggunit kang Stella sa kamot, ug duha sab sa tiil. Nakamatikod na si Lucas kung unsay himuon ngadto sa iyang manghud. Apan huyang siya ug mas nagpatigbabaw ang gahom sa droga. “Puslan man nga nakasala ka, atong gamiton na imong pagkasexy ug imong pagkagwapa. Sayang lang nang imong hamis nga panit. Hehehe…”Mao kini ang bahad ni Louie kang Stella. Grabe na ang hilak ni Stella samtang gapaningkamot kini nga makaikyas gikan sa mga gang members. Nagsagol na ang mga bahakhak sa katawa ug ang danguyngoy sa hilak sa usa ka dalagita. Gitanggal ni Louie ang sapatos ni Stella ug gibuklad ang palda sa dalagita samtang gipagawas niya ang iyang dila ug gipatulo ang iyang laway. Alang kang Stella, animal kaayo si Louie. Gipabilangkad pa gyud pagtaman ang dalagita ayha pa gihubo ni Louie ang panty ni Stella gamit ang iyang ngipon. Grabe ang kasadya sa mga lalaki. Samtang si Lucas, nakaantigo lang sa pagtan-aw sa pagbusabos sa iyang manghud. Human og hubo sa panty sa dalagita, gipamaskara kini sa iya. Nangatawa silang tanan. Apil na si Lucas. Mas labaw pa gyud silang nangatawa kadtong nakita ang nalata nga panwhich sa bulsa ni Stella. Ang panwich nga iya untang ihatag sa iyang kuya Lucas, nga karon apil sa mga lalaking nagkatawa nga nagtan-aw sa iyang kahimtang. Ang gibuhat ni Louie, gipahid-pahid ang panwich sa kinatawo ni Stella, gisuksok sa sulod, gikulitog, dayon gikaon kini.

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Gitanggal sad ang blouse ug bra sa dalagita. Ang nabilin nalang mao ang iyang nakasaka nga palda ug ang mga medyas sa iyang tiil. Ug nihilom kadiyot. Naghubo kalit si Louie ug gihap-an ang nakagapos nga lawas sa usa ka batan-ong babaye. Sugod sa ulo paubos. Paubos. Gibaboy. Gibusabos. Gilugos. “Aah..ahh…aaaaahhhhhhh……mgaaaa haaayyooppp!!!” Wala na’y kusog si Stella nga mosiyagit pa. Huyang na siya. Minaog na lang si Lucas ug nigawas gikan didto sa hideout. Ngitngit na ang palibot. Pula kaayo iyang nawong ug luya sab siya. Wala siya’y nahimo alang sa iyang manghud nga nagpalangga sa iya. Mipalit siya og sigarilyo sa duol nga tindahan samtang ginapistahan pa sa ubang mga lalaki ang iyang manghud. Gipuli-pulihan. Giabusar pagtaman. Taud-taud dunay motorsiklo nga mihunong sa gawas sa ilang hideout. Duna kini’y sakay nga tulo ka nakabonet nga lalaki ug ang duha ka sakay niini diretso nga misulod sa bilyaran. Nakamatngon na lamang siya sa dihang nakadungog siya og upat ka buto sa pusil. Dayon, nakita niya ang ubang mga myembro sa gang nga nanagan. Sa wala madugay, may miabot nga Police Car ug gigukod ang mga myembro sa gang. Ang uban, nadakpan. Sa iyang kahadlok, midagan sad siya og apil samtang dunay lima ka pulis nga nagagukod kanila. Nakasabay ni Lucas si Ben ug miingon kini, “Dagan! Dagan! Ayaw sa mog lingi-lingi. Magbulag-bulag ta!” Pagtipas nila sa kanto, sa banda sa Freedom Park, nakakita si Lucas og pundok sa mga raliyista nga nag-candle lighting. Nakahuna-huna kini nga moadto didto ug mag-atik-atik nga apil sa rally aron dili siya dakpon sa mga pulis. Nagpasalipod siya sa mga estudyanteng aktibista ug nagpakaaron-ingnong kauban sab siya sa rally. Nakita niya ang ubang miyembro sa Spiders gang nga gipangdakop. Ang uban tingali, mao kadtong gipusil sa sulod sa bilyaran.

Kalit lang misinggit ang lider sa rally. 139

“Hustisya alang sa mga biktima sa pulitikanhong pagpamatay!” “Hustisya! Hustisya!” Sabay-sabay nga nanubag ang mga raliyista samtang nakataas-kamao. Paglingi ni Lucas sa unahan, nakita niya si Ben nga nadakpan sa mga pulis, ug ginatudlo siya. Aron ingnong aktibista pud, misabay-sabay sab si Lucas sa pagtaas sa iyang kinumo ug sa pagsinggit og “hustisya.” “Hustisya alang sa mga biktima sa tanang pagpang-abuso!” “Hustisya! Hustisya!” Sa wala madugay, nahuman na ang rally. Nanghawa na ang mga aktibista. Mihawa na sad si Lucas. Hinay-hinay siyang naglakaw samtang namalandong sa kahulugan sa pulong nga iyang gisinggit-singgit bag-ohay lang —ang pulong nga “hustisya.”

“Si Stella! Tama, ang akong manghud.”

Midagan si Lucas sa direksyon sa Jacinto aron balikan ang iyang manghud. Apan naglisod siya sa pagdagan kay sakit man ang iyang lawas ug bug-at sab ang iyang kasingkasing.

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Sa imong paglili, napuno ko sa kakulba, sa kanerbyos ug sa kabalaka. basin kon makita mo ining dako kong liki, di na ko nimo undangan; maganahan kaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;g kulkog, hangtod sa di na nimo lun-an. Sa imong paggunit, dyutay pangurog ang akong nabati. misamot sukad imong gibasa ug gipaslakan gamit ng gahi mong butang. singot pay ako di gayod mabangbang. Sa imong pagduot, kangulngol akong nabatian gitusok mo ning likiâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;g pinakalit, Aguroy! Perte na lang gayod kasakit! Uyog nganhi, uyog ngadto Pastilanâ&#x20AC;Ś Kalami! Hay na lang dok, salamat, naibot ra gyud ning ngipon sa bungi.

Red Perez

DAKONG LIKI GRAPHIC BY Steven Adrianne Chua

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EPILOGUE GRAPHIC BY Dave Bringas ORIGINAL PHOTOS BY Adi Leuterio

aos-pusong nagpapasalamat ang Banaag Diwa Team sa Puong Maykapal (Mahal na mahal ka naming lahat, Bro!), sa natatangi at nag-iisa naming moderator na si Ma’am Victoria Tatad-Pre (we LOVE you too), sa Ateneo de Davao University (Hahay… binabaha pa rin), sa aming magulang (na nagluwal at nagpalamon sa amin), sa Finance Department (anong balita kay Ratilla? Alert2x!), kay Sir Rikki (Go lang nang go, Sir), kay Father Tabora (kamusta ang stay sa Ateneo, Father?), sa CEGP (Happy 80th anniversary), sa 24-inches na Mac (huwag kang bibitaw ha?), Acer (deleted na ang lahat ng games), Ubuntu (ilang beses nang inayos, pero sira pa rin!), sa HP Printer (na paubos na ang ink), sa mga lumang wall at desk fan (na kahit papano ay pumapawi sa init ng office), sa Bagong T.V (na walang cable), water dispenser (dahil sa’yo, thirst free kami!), sa coffee maker (na hindi pa rin nagagamit), sa bumubuo ng Atenews (huwag kayong pasaway!), sa Midtown (wala na bang tawad jan?), sa mga ballpen

at papel (partners in life!), sa mga pinutol na mga puno (para may papel na masulatan), sa Smart, Globe at Sun Network (making all things possible, Oh yeah!), kay Steve Jobs (Rest In Peace, Idol!),sa mga modelo namin (CTT?) kay manang na ginawang tulugan ang office (sabi mo makiki-upo ka lang?), sa mga hayahay at stress na mga estudyante (pagpatuloy niyo lang yan!), sa mga guro na may sari-saring ugali (kayo na!), sa Philippine Daily Inquirer (ba’t puro Ramona na lang?) at Sunstar (ang balitang local na hindi cheap), kay Manang Luchi (supplier ng aming everyday newspaper) sa Facebook (na blocked na!), Twitter, Formspring, Google + (kayo na ang sunod!), sa 9gag (Laughtrip!) sa TSO (na mahilig mag-block), sa DSL (ang bilis mo!),sa Tor (alam na!), sa McDonalds, Jollibee, Greenwich, KFC (ini-imagine na lang namin dahil kuripot ang Managing eds) kay Ate Beng (salamat sa pag-gabay!), at sa lahat ng mga Tinyo at Tinya ng Ateneo (kayo ang boss namin)… para sa inyo ang lahat ng ito.

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This folio was set in Adobe Garamond Pro and Helvetica Neue for the body text. Bebas Neue and Novecento Wide were used for titles. All pictures used for graphics are in the public domain, and the appropriate copyright laws were observed in their making.