HEALTHY YOU

from June 2022

IN THE KITCHEN

in May and June we celebrate moms and dads with special days of recognition. Being a parent is one of life’s most rewarding and challenging jobs. Most people experience both excitement and anxiety over parenting. Each stage of parenting presents its own set of issues to induce both those emotions, and a plethora of others. Babies do not come with a handbook. Children are unique in temperament and each requires a unique style of nurturing to develop a confident person with healthy selfesteem. Parenting through imperfections with a nurturing spirit is essential to developing a lifelong relationship with your children.

What is a nurturing parent? Why is it important to be one? The definition of the word nurture is “to care for and encourage the development of.” It is important to develop a nurturing parenting style because your children will be adults with you a lot longer than they are children in your life. Your children will spend the first 18 years of life, or perhaps longer as they emerge into adulthood, in your care. They will be adults with you from age 18 forward, which, if everyone lives an average lifespan, equates to about 50 years.

The first step to becoming a nurturing parent requires reflection on your own life experiences; remembering your life experiences from as far back as you can recall to the present. Perhaps you’ll want to write your life story, identifying moments along the way that shaped your thoughts and behaviors because of the way those experiences made you feel. Identify the positive and negative characteristics of the people who nurtured your development. If possible, get to know their stories.

The second step on the road to being a nurturing parent is understanding brain development. The brain runs a person’s life from the day they are born until they die. When a child is born, the only part of their brain that is developed is the brain stem. It sends signals based on feelings in the body. Infants and toddlers communicate primarily based on feelings from the body. When they feel hungry or need to be held (comforted) they cry. Infants begin to develop a connection with their caregivers based on the way their needs are met.

The fight, flight or freeze modes come from the brain stem. As people progress in the stages of life, the brain progresses toward full development, usually between the ages of 25 and 28. For more information, see the work of Dr. Daniel Siegel or Dr. Daniel Amen. Understanding a child’s stage of brain development may help us temper expectations of our children and be more understanding of their needs.

The third step to being a nurturing parent is to develop empathic skills that include being curious about your child rather than making assumptions. Understanding brain development and stages of life helps develop empathy.

STORY MICHELLE JOHNS

MA, LPC-MHSP (TEMP), NCC, 200 HR E-RTY, 500 HR RYT

Empathy includes nurturing discipline, allowing children to express their feelings, identifying with and respecting those feelings, showing kindness toward others with whom you interact, and caring for pets, plants and the environment. Talking with children about the experiences of characters in books and movies helps you and your children develop empathy as you consider through discussion the characters’ feelings and behaviors.

The fourth step to being a nurturing parent is identifying your family values and beliefs, then developing morals and behaviors that support them. Family systems are strengthened when children have a sense of connection through values, morals and beliefs that help them navigate life within and outside of their family communities. Family rules support your values, beliefs and morals and provide guidelines for children throughout the stages of development. Rules, expectations and consequences should be appropriate to a child’s stage of development, hence they should change as the child progresses in development.

The fifth step to being a nurturing parent is developing communication techniques that support a sense of self-worth in your child. Children with a high sense of self-worth make better decisions and are less likely to give in to peer pressures. Our self-worth is determined by the way we see ourselves; our thoughts and feelings shape it. When children are shamed, looked at or spoken to in a manner that sends the message that they are bad, not allowed to share thoughts or feelings, or asked questions like “what is wrong with you?” they develop a low sense of self-worth. When their mistakes or violations are discussed from a place of nurture, they have an opportunity to be understood. Children are better able to receive correction and consequences through discipline than punishment. Punishment destroys self-esteem; discipline nurtures it.

Parenting is an honor and a privilege. Children learn from their parents through modeling their behaviors. Parents shape the health of future generations through nurture. Though this list is not comprehensive it is a guideline of keys to strengthening the family. All children seek connection with their parents at every stage of life. If your family is struggling or if you simply want to strengthen your family bond, seek the counsel of a family therapist or take a parenting/family course. Your family is worth it!

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