H E A LT H Y Y O U
STORY MICHELLE JOHNS MA, LPC-MHSP (TEMP), NCC, 200 HR E-RTY, 500 HR RYT
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May and June we celebrate moms and dads with special days of recognition. Being a parent is one of life’s most rewarding and challenging jobs. Most people experience both excitement and anxiety over parenting. Each stage of parenting presents its own set of issues to induce both those emotions, and a plethora of others. Babies do not come with a handbook. Children are unique in temperament and each requires a unique style of nurturing to develop a confident person with healthy selfesteem. Parenting through imperfections with a nurturing spirit is essential to developing a lifelong relationship with your children. What is a nurturing parent? Why is it important to be one? The definition of the word nurture is “to care for and encourage the development of.” It is important to develop a nurturing parenting style because your children will be adults with you a lot longer than they are children in your life. Your children will spend the first 18 years of life, or perhaps longer as they emerge into adulthood, in your care. They will be adults with you from age 18 forward, which, if everyone lives an average lifespan, equates to about 50 years. The first step to becoming a nurturing parent requires reflection on your own life experiences; remembering your life experiences from as far back as you can recall to the present. Perhaps you’ll want to write your life story, identifying moments along the way that shaped your 84 | At Home Memphis & Mid South • June 2022
thoughts and behaviors because of the way those experiences made you feel. Identify the positive and negative characteristics of the people who nurtured your development. If possible, get to know their stories. The second step on the road to being a nurturing parent is understanding brain development. The brain runs a person’s life from the day they are born until they die. When a child is born, the only part of their brain that is developed is the brain stem. It sends signals based on feelings in the body. Infants and toddlers communicate primarily based on feelings from the body. When they feel hungry or need to be held (comforted) they cry. Infants begin to develop a connection with their caregivers based on the way their needs are met. The fight, flight or freeze modes come from the brain stem. As people progress in the stages of life, the brain progresses toward full development, usually between the ages of 25 and 28. For more information, see the work of Dr. Daniel Siegel or Dr. Daniel Amen. Understanding a child’s stage of brain development may help us temper expectations of our children and be more understanding of their needs. The third step to being a nurturing parent is to develop empathic skills that include being curious about your child rather than making assumptions. Understanding brain development and stages of life helps develop empathy.
