I hope you find love for you are so deserving of it.
2014
The girl of sunflower smiles
She was beautiful, all smiles. Always. The kind that just makes you don’t feel angry anymore. Her eyes were deep. They light up like chocolate but dim when quiet. I thought I wouldn’t feel anything for her but oh was I wrong. I have always wanted to know how soft her lips were. And I got my answer. The biggest mystery of my life unfolds itself, pressed against mine. I felt joy and shy. To which in response from her, a look of confusion. Being drunk was just an excuse to feel her lips again. I thought I wouldn’t feel anything , but her, I was feeling something to the girl who doesn’t love. I felt a blow when she said she did it. I taste bitter in my mouth when I distanced myself. I made a mistake to feel for someone. But how could I not? For she was magical, she was everything possible. The only difference was, we desired for the opposite. But in my mind and in my memory,
She will always be the girl of sunflower smiles.
december 2014
Oh this lonesome feelings hidden away inside Once open then considered shy Bravery was what showed her to me But all is gone when we couldn’t meet I’ll always see her as a work of Art Her eyes all hidden and her soul she protected I sometimes wish I could or have the chance to feel her She burns her lungs and drowns her liver but I know deep down she wants something else Something more and not anyone could give her For she is the moon and I am the sun, We’re too far apart to feel one She’s warm and cold Sometimes ignorance is bliss from time to time
december 2014
I would be lying if I said “No” I’m still thinking about kissing you. It crosses my mind once in a while. But you’re too slimy and we would would fall apart.
Dear you just listen up, if I was a man would you give me you heart? My minds crooked but my intentions are pure... All I want is just for you to know...
Then again I’m fucked up a little Give me some love and I’ll run far I’ll bury my soul deep into tunnels so dark Only for you to see nothing but emptiness
december 2014
Sometimes when a person lives so much in art, they get lost and confused at which is which Would it be then a blessing or would be a curse? Is it bad to notice something other don’t? Is it horrible you could feel colours and emotions in your heart all the time?
2015
To the future person
I hope that you don’t mind me being awkward in your home. I hope you don’t mind me fumbling out of my skinnies, because you felt that I’ll be more comfortable in your pants. But I promise, I’ll be. I hope you forgive me for always being afraid of your family because I just do. I promise to listen to your excitement to watch a show. I promise not to fall asleep and try to understand it no matter how sucky it is. I promise to not stop you when you dial the operator at 11pm just to know how to fix the screen resolution. I promise to not move when you lay on my shoulder even when you start drooling.
I promise.
january 2015
You’re precious and I love it
It’s amazing, how we don’t see each other every time. But when you slept on my shoulder for awhile, I was worried. Not the bad kind of worry, the kind where you’re afraid to move an inch because you’re scared they’ll wake up. That kind. I saw your smile and honestly, I felt that it’ll be dumb to just tease you. I wanted to listen to you. And when I saw you naively try to call the operator at 11pm, I won’t stop you.
Because you’re precious when you try and I hope you won’t stop. When you try to explain a boring and silly movie, I’ll listen. Cause you’ve watched it before and I want to know what made you laugh and to have you so excited to share it with us. It’s amazing, you know, cause a part of me wants to love you more and wish you were mine. But the world see these things differently and you don’t feel the same. But just to put it out there, you’re precious. And I love it.
january 2015
Child like infatuation and attention Hands tightly across each other Eyes never leaving her gaze I bet you feel loved Kind thoughts and imagined futures If it lasts forever, holy shit you’re fucking lucky
febuary 2015
Their eyes are a window to their souls.
The crinkles on the side of her eyes after she realizes she did something silly and she bursts out laughing from embarrassment.
Her coy flirty eyes changing into an intimidating gaze when she looks down at us in command.
His thin set eyes hiding his humour and curiosity of why I wanted to learn something so alien to me.
It was as though she had the meaning to everything behind those pupils which she hides excessively behind her short cut.
Her dazed unattentioned look Just signaling to you that she’s listening intensively although you’re not looking straight into her eyes.
The pause and linger that holds on her eyes a few seconds longer after a sentence funny how it fills me with question and curiosity to want to know more about the story behind it. march 2015
And in that moment when we look into their eyes, We think to ourselves... “What the hell have I got myself into?” “Who is this in front of me?” We ask ourselves these questions again and again as we slowly fall into them deeply into the abyss
april 2015
I’m thinking about her again. The girl with cosmos in her eyes. I picture her across me. Smiling and giggling cheerfully. I cooked her a nice meal and she loved it, I could feel the happiness just from a daydream. Imagine what it could feel like real and happening. I see shadows but don’t feel them. I breathe in the morning air but don’t see it, This is how I feel about her
june 2015
I just realized how small you are. How nimble and subtle to sunburns and stings. I didn’t feel anything yesterday. I have officially forgotten. But I still care, I still do. I’ll buy you drinks and crackers just cause it’s you.
july 2015
I looked at death straight in the eye today... He was dressed differently in light and filled with pain. There was something distinct in how he screamed, “If you don’t know, then get out of my way!” My heart wrenched and tears I cried as if something I did was wrong. Tell me, let me know, so I’ll apologize anyway.
july 2015
No my darling, No my sweet, I’m just looking for something to sink my teeth in
july 2015
Cocaine stained teeth Alcohol induced brain Blood shot eyes Soul withered and vain
Here’s to forgotten nights and bruised faces Sloppy makeup and alcohol breaths Unnamed kisses and broken hearts
august 2015
His kisses were confusing, but so was I. Having nothing in my head. I felt like I’ve lost everything previously. So I thought, fuck it, if by fucking him could clear some things in my head, heck I’m going for it. And here I was, in a hotel sleazy with appointed guards on the second and third floor. Climbing up the stairs to room 204. I sat by him under the sheets wondering what to do. Awkward kissing and teeth clashing. He was sweet enough to laugh it off. His small eyes and the creases on his sides appears when he smiles. He was understanding and small. Nothing of what I expected. The tobacco was obvious in him. I could taste it. I think I was the same. But with him between me I felt nothing. Nothing. If oblivion could be felt, this was it. I wasn’t excited, happy, afraid or anything. I felt nothing. I tried relaxing. Which worked. And everything went better. The after cigarette was the best. I sat there half naked like an old man down the streets. Puffing away and listening to the TV. It felt like I’ve known him after. He seen the rest of me not even my mother has seen. He’s tasted me like no one has ever. He felt me in places no one has. He was the sweet boy of 21 with anger issues and punching walls. But with kindness in his voice. I’ll remember him as tobacco boy.
september 2015
I look at them Constellations, Stars shining bright in darkness only they see They were time machines Sealed with only of understandings and fate Sometimes forgetting the state of time lost in their own innocent mind
september 2015
I sat there in the car Watching the fire trucks go by The silence wasn’t overwhelming The coffee? Not too strong That’s when I know something’s wrong
His hands started shaking Detours we were taking I was hungry for skin, thirsting for lust I laughed in my head “What the fuck am I thinking?” I’ll just get in, look at you and then say, “Drive”
september 2015
Your name screams softer than before. Not like previous where it was a cry. Sharp and distinct, like a war cry. Now it’s calmed down, like a soft spoken girl saying your name.
I dread the day it becomes a whisper. I hope for the day i won’t remember.
october 2015
She got in cars Fucked boys like they didn’t matter She kissed girls in search of salvation But she chose to love me instead
Her world was colourless Faced with black and grey Maybe with a little saturation Some time and unholy desperation All she could be was blue
october 2015
Little soul With a heart full of gold The ache in your chest They fill up your eyes So blue like the skies
Sometimes you may wonder If life’s full of treasures
I hope that you know You were never alone Cause all that matters Is right here
november 2015
“Hey, how are you?” “Are you all right?” “What can I do for you?” A little insecure he calls out for you. Insomnia and fear engulfs his head “This how I make my bed.” But don’t worry, I feel you too... Sit with me on the city shoreline, Let’s watch everything turn blue
november 2015
I hate it
I hate it that I thought I saw your face this morning in the train, I hate that you still seep into my mind when my songs were playing, I hate it that we like the same things, I hate how our lives are so parallel that we seem alike, I hate the fact that we could have almost been, I hate it so much, I hate it that even right now my chest feels a solem grip typing this about you, I hate that I don’t want to mention your name in conversations. I hate when in actual fact it’s the loudest thing in my head, I hate that I punch walls in burst anger, I hate that my bruised knuckles won’t mean a thing, I hate that you won’t know. I hate that I’m seeing your face in my mind right now I hate that I hate it.
But you know what I hate the most? That I will never ever hate you.
december 2015
I saw you staring at me I look to the floor and pretend not to see In my head all I had was “Is this really?” And it’s my anxiety I may look like its nothing But in my head everything’s burning All I needed was a clarification Not your obligation I didn’t mean to scare you away But it’s also a test to see if you would stay Now Everyday I think about what you say “Hang on to the cliff I won’t catch you anyway” My mind clouds up and now its only metaphors in my head For fucks sake I thought I found what I needed. But then again Who am I kidding I was late and you’re already leaving
december2015
The songs on his playlist, Devastatingly romantic like as though Shakespeare himself mixed it It seems a little off to know some people really need it I’m probably one of them “Wounded and lonely”
december 2015
Remember that time we sat at carparks thinking we’re doomed forever? Crying tears that only each other know of...Hey, you know what? Let’s walk miles away from our fears..anything just to keep our heads clear.
read double ticked.
december 2015
We will pull through This year wasn’t built for two It snuck in things we asked for but not prepared for Being human, being precious and new
I want to watch skyscrapers and stars with you We’ll run down streets and put our hands up high “Fuck All of you”
I’ll wear my denim and we will get high Cling hands in fancy lobbies laughing like a hyena in longing Here’s to a rough start, A fucked up way to save our hearts But what else is there when I’m with you Nothing else matters cause I love you
december 2015