When Late Night Thoughts are Bourne

WHEN LATE NIGHT THOUGHTS ARE BOURNE FREDDIE BOURNE With

THE EXCITEMENT OF UNPREDICTABILITY

Afew weeks back, I received a fortune cookie without a message. Obviously, mistakes happen and sometimes things like that slip through the cracks. Or sometimes not through them at all. But it was actually more of a reminder of what that symbolically means.

I feel that we have been conditioned to look for certain messages and signs in order to know what we should expect next. It’s raining? Something bad might happen. Someone being quiet? They must be mad at me. No fortune cookie message? I must have no hope in the future.

We preemptively train ourselves to look for these coincidences and zero in on them - so much so that we forget how to live. We forget how to just let life flow and let it do its thing. However, we lose out on what brings life true vigor and the excitement of unpredictability.

Sure, it would be nice to know if I’m going to have a happy life with kids someday. But why not appreciate the hardships that we couldn’t, and didn’t want to, predict that got us there? Life has B-sides for a reason. I feel like when we eventually see these signs, we are ready to take the plunge and accept what our so-called “fate” is.

I remember years ago when I was muy guapo when I finally had the courage to start dating at the tender age of 14 despite my fear of complete rejection and the eventual embarrassment I would feel seconds later, only to forget about it when the next cute girl popped up on my MySpace profile. When I finally found “the one” - also known as six girls that simply said "yes" without having any real background or friendship formed - the relationship went south when every single one of them got a new cell phone. Dead serious. A new electronic device put me in shambles ready to prepare for the “We need to talk” conversation.

My first serious relationship happened to have this exact experience pretty early on, which sucked considering I actually liked this person. Stupid me actually told them when they texted me from the new phone: “So, I guess the countdown starts.” While she laughed, I did not. Instead, I suggested they return the phone AT ONCE.

Joking aside, we dated well over a year after that so clearly it was something else and not some random phone fairy that apparently was the most romantic partner of all time that was halting my inexperienced and anxious-ridden love life. Yes, I know it’s completely silly to recall that and take it serious - but we all find these things that have happened that trigger us or take us back to an experience that we connect with and we live with that history it holds rather than allowing ourselves to just see what happens.

Frankly, we’re living in the past. And not in the best way.

"WE FORGET HOW TO JUST LET LIFE FLOW AND LET IT DO ITS THING. HOWEVER, WE LOSE OUT ON WHAT BRINGS LIFE TRUE VIGOR AND THE EXCITEMENT OF UNPREDICTABILITY."

PHOTO: EMILY PELSTON