13septemberoctobernetworker

You’re Not Alone!

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You’re Not Alone!

The Networker You’re Not Alone!

You’re Not Alone!

You’re Not Alone!

You’re Not Alone!

In this Issue...

Setting the Trend .................1 Piece of My Mind ................ 4 Roots of Relationship.......... 4 Places ATN Will Be ............. 8 In the Spotlight ................... 9 Carrie Kitze ....................... 10 Abandoned ......................... 11 Book Review...................... 12 Professional Members .......13

The mission of the Attachment & Trauma Network (ATN) is to: Promote healing of families through support, education and advocacy.

September/October 2013

Setting the Trend for Therapeutic Parenting Julie Beem Therapeutic Parenting. You may not be able to define it, and maybe you're puzzled about whether or not you're doing it. But after supporting and observing parents of traumatized children and those with attachment challenges for nearly 20 years, ATN knows that the parents who survive and the children who thrive are in families where therapeutic parenting is practiced.

Knowing the importance of therapeutic parenting is what has propelled ATN to launch our Learning Center and in particular to develop our 5-part Essential Conversations webinar series. We believe that the five topics covered by this series are "Essential" for ATN members and anyone seeking to understand what we should all know about trauma, its impact on children’s developing brains, how to best parent to promote healing and where to look for the right kinds of therapy. Check out the ATN Learning Center for yourself at www.attachu.org.

Therapeutic parenting is a strategy and a mindset more than a group tools and "how to's.” To hone your therapeutic parenting skills really means to study and digest WHY we must be therapeutic and WHAT the basic strategies are for being and staying therapeutic. In our Essential Conversations, we actually devote two webinars to these strategies - one focused on the basic approach and one focused on how to parent this way for the long-haul.

Therapeutic parents are ones who have internalized these strategies and made a huge paradigm shift in their thinking - away from specific discipline reactions (how to get their child to STOP doing something) to relationship(Continued on page 2)

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These traumatized children are expected to be resourceful, bounce back quickly and instinctively know right from wrong. Anna Paravano, ATN’s Educational Director has developed an in-depth analysis into how society portrays orphans. It’s fascinating stuff – and I’ll bet you can think of examples of literary figures and movie characters that perpetuate orphan myths.

based responses (providing a safe, structured and nurturing environment for trust and relationship to grow). The truth be told, therapeutic parenting is also very good parenting for all children. Focusing on relationship and on emotional and social development is good for all our children.

While healthy, nontraumatized children don't need the level of intensity that we often have for traumatized children, learning these strategies is valuable for all. Which leads us to ask; shouldn't therapeutic parenting be the trend instead of seen as bucking the trend?

Shifting Our Paradigm The bottom line is simply this - our children have come to us through grief and loss of their primary caregiver and often, there entire family. Doesn’t it make sense that this was highly traumatizing and altered their world view and self-image?

Their physical, emotional and neurological development is impacted - literally stunted in certain ways - by this trauma. The impact of this trauma is reflected in their unwanted behaviors, emotional dysregulation, academic challenges, and social issues to name a few. Healing our children’s wounds requires a different focus – a paradigm shift.

Society’s Expectations Let's start by thinking about society's expectations of parents, the parenting experience and children (including adoptive children). We can quickly recognize some disconnects: 

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Accepted Standards - Society expects parents to just "know what to do" - there's very little focus on learning how to parent. While some parents might read books or take an occasional class, society's general belief is that parenting comes naturally and somehow we just know how to do it.

Popular Wisdom - Advice on “good parenting” abounds from our friends, our families, teachers, and neighbors. But much of it is focused on getting a child to stop or start a behavior, and the presumption is that a child wants to please parents, be an active part of the family and that they’ll respond to rewards and punishments by changing his/her behavior.

“Just love them” – We’ve either heard this as advice or believed it ourselves. The notion that somehow just taking a child with a wounded heart into our homes and loving them enough was going to make everything all better. Love, especially love in action, is a vital component of therapeutic parenting, but it means something totally different than when we first heard it.

“Let them get settled in. Things will get better in a few… [weeks, months, years]” - This “wait and see” advice permeates the adoption world, and many parents wait a very long time before learning and implementing strategies that would have been helpful – and more effective – if implemented from the beginning.

Orphans (our adopt/foster kiddos) are resilient -

The important things to remember about becoming a therapeutic parent are: It does require a shift in expectations. Your current reality likely does not match your expectations of parenting.  Therapeutic parenting is purposeful (it doesn’t just happen), and it’s a choice (requiring a daily recommitment).  Becoming therapeutic in your parenting approach is a process. It doesn’t happen overnight or by reading a book, or even by attending ATN’s webinars.

It takes practice, practice, practice! 

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The focus is on the child. It’s all about building a relationship with the child – reaching and uncovering the being, the soul, who is in there hidden under the trauma and attachment impairments. This intense focus often means that we put aside many other things that vie for our time, our attention, our emotional energy.  You are the catalyst for your child’s healing!

You are not their healer (they must eventually take ownership of that). Therapists and professionals can help, but your role is to aid the healing and bring together the elements that are necessary to make it happen. 

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To hone your therapeutic parenting skills really means to study and digest WHY we must be therapeutic and WHAT the basic strategies are for being and staying therapeutic.

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Essentials of Therapeutic Parenting So, what do we do? What is it we’re shifting to? Most of you have already read many parenting books, shared tools and techniques through our support groups, and even attended workshops and trainings.

As we developed the Essential Conversations for Therapeutic Parents, we wanted to encapsulate what it means to be a therapeutic parent in such a way that it was concise and comprehensive, while taking in all the various techniques and training out there on how to parent attachment-challenged children.

As the Learning Center’s faculty gathered all the materials we could find, and infused our own experiences as parents and professionals, we distilled the essential principles of therapeutic parenting down to these seven concepts:

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parenting is the concept of HIGH structure (safety, consistency, healthy boundaries) and HIGH nurture (caring acts of love) in balance. This balance is very difficult to achieve, but oh so necessary to help create calm, safe healing environments for our children.

Connected. Remaining connected to the child behind the behaviors can be challenging, because the behaviors can be so shocking and exhausting.

Remembering that behaviors are communication and that our goal is building the relationship, not stopping misbehaviors.

Intentional. We have to commit time, energy and thought into this effort daily.

Frankly those parenting “typical” children don’t have to work at it like we do. But being present and intentional are key components to therapeutic parenting.

Not Alone. Therapeutic parenting is not a solo effort – you must have a team! ATN is an integral part of that team, but you also need people physically around to support you, provide respite and help out with daily life activities.

Self-Sustaining. Even supportive friends and family struggle to relate to the parenting shift we’ve had to make and our lost expectations. Therapeutic parenting for the long haul requires that we parents sustain ourselves by actively planning for our own care. This includes making time for ourselves, finding and using respite, and removing people and things that deplete our energy because we need all that energy to be our child’s healing catalyst.

Keeping Perspective. As we shift our mindset, it’s important to see beyond the day-to-day challenges.

We take on the role of advocate, cheerleader, and coach in addition to all the rest. And throughout the roller coaster of healing that most of our families ride, we need to keep our eye on the bigger picture and the bigger purpose.

These concepts are the basis for our therapeutic parenting webinars.

The webinars, each one a conversation between two parents and a professional, are an engaging and insightful way to learn about the paradigm shift we all must make and how to develop strategies and use tools effectively.

Safety. Keeping all members of our family safe is paramount. No child can learn to trust, can relax enough to attach if he/she feels unsafe. Many times our traumatized children are the ones doing things that are unsafe. But it’s our job to both make our homes a safe place, and do what we can to make all the members FEEL safe in our family.  Structure/Nurture. At the crux of therapeutic 

Essential Conversations was made for us – for parents – committed to helping our children heal.

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Piece of My Mind Let’s face it - when we touch the heart of trauma, it touches us right back.

When we parent children with issues of trauma and attachment, there is no escape from entering our child’s trauma -stricken reality. As Julie so eloquently wrote, this is the reason for the creation of ATN’s Learning Center --You… You, the trauma worker/parent/advocate/in -home-therapist/healer/head-hunter/ teacher/you-name-it. You-- who are living and working on the frontlines of your child’s trauma-impaired reality-need and deserve reliable information and useful support that is delivered with care and compassion from folks who really “get-it.”

thrilled. It has long been my heart’s desire to create curriculum on Therapeutic Parenting that supported parents/caregivers and also informed the public about our children’s issues.

Last year, we actually completed recording the 1st webinar in the series entitles “It All Started With Trauma.” It was a beautiful piece of work by Lark Eshleman and Jane Samuel that we were all very proud of. Yet, as we attempted to complete the rest of the series, it simply was not coming together.

“Things” kept happening that took so much time. Try as we might to flesh-out the next steps, something always got in ATN Education Director the way. We expressed our frustration Every discussion and decision that was and upset to each other but realized part of the design and development of the Learning that these obstacles were happening for a reason Center and the individual webinars was inevitably whether we liked it or not. filtered through the lens of what parents and caregivers Also during this time, Julie and I entered into a series of such as yourselves need… incredible people who each conversations about trainings, classes and webinars we day reach-out and touch the heart of trauma only to be were attending. What they were like, how we felt when touched right-back. Those of us involved in this project we heard the information, what we found to be helpful, intimately understand the stress, the complications, and what we thought wasn’t helpful, etc. All the while the never-ending issues - in addition to the peaceful lulls continuing on with our stressful lives of parenting and how it feels when there is evidence of progress. We traumatized children and wondering how/when were understand because each of us involved in the creation these webinars going to get completed. of the Learning Center is either a therapeutic parent or And then one day it hit me… I remembered something highly experienced trauma-informed professional.

Marc Deprey (one of our parent members and Learning Traditionally, Julie Beem, our Executive Director writes Center Media Coordinator) said a while ago. I’m this portion of the newsletter. She asked me to write to paraphrasing here, but it was something like… “For the you because, as the Education Director, I was handed love-of-pete! We are stressed-out parents! Stop the the torch and tasked with championing the cause of brain-dump and just tell me what I need ATN’s Learning Center. So, let me share to know in a way that’s easy to with you the piece of my mind that holds understand!” Got it, Marc!

So that the vision for what I, along with ATN’s became the target: to create something entire Board, hope this Learning Center relatable to the people who actually need it. will eventually become.

Make it low stress, practical, warm and real.

Fleshing-out ATN’s “Voice.” In January of Connection was another piece of this puzzle.

2013, I started as a member of ATN’s Board of The one thing so many of us misses as therapeutic Directors and also, the Education Director. I was parents is connection to other humans, eye contact,

Anna Paravano

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are a FREE benefit of purchasing any or all of the webinars in ATN’s “Essentials” series. The Life AppLabs are run by the Founding Faculty and are an opportunity to get your questions answered and add your voice to the continuing conversation on Therapeutic Parenting.

sharing experiences and emotions.

Although the webinars had always been intended to have parents and professionals presenting together – we chose to move away from the idea of words on a screen shared by faceless voices and began to embrace the concept of creating ATN’s webinar series around a face-to-face conversation between professional and therapeutic parent. “The voice” and flavor of ATN’s 1st webinar series began to flesh-out in a way none of us had expected and yet we strongly felt this is so needed within our community. So, when you get a chance to watch the webinars, you won’t hear a brain-dump. You will see the faces of real people in our actual homes or offices, who have real-life experience in trauma and attachment, sincerely sharing what we know with you.

Today, It’s a Webinar Series; Tomorrow It’s A Warehouse. The Essential Conversations series is a launching point for ATN’s Learning Center, and our efforts in the educational arena within the attachment/ trauma community. The larger vision and long term goal for our Learning Center is to create multi-faceted educational opportunities for parents/caregivers, family members, schools, professionals and anyone else who touches the lives of our families. Our ultimate goal is to become an online warehouse of educational information for pre and post adoptive training and resources. It’s a big goal for our little non-profit, but ATN is actively looking toward creating partnerships with other likeminded organizations who want to help families as much as we do. We want to continue extending our reach by using ATN’s unique blend of voices - therapeutic parents and professionals speaking in harmony, to touch those who are touching the heart of trauma every day.

Take-Home Tools. Along with how we wanted our webinars to look and feel, we also wanted them to be useful to parents and caregivers for the long-haul. In this spirit, we created some tools that are part of each webinar. These tools can be downloaded and printed for your convenience.

Glossary of Terms – One of the things we felt was needed for parents/caregivers was a vocabulary of terms that we could share in common as a community, but also use when talking to mental health professionals and/or when advocating for our children. So, each webinar includes a list of terms and their definitions that were discussed in that particular webinar.

References and Resources – Each webinar also includes its own list of references and resources for further exploration based on the needs of your family. We all contributed to these lists but I have to point out that Jane Samuel (parent and Board Member) is simply the most well-read person on the planet on anything attachment and trauma related. She contributed heavily to this. Thank you, Jane!

I encourage you to take a look at our webinars. Then encourage others to visit our Learning Center: your friends, family members, your child’s teachers and whoever else could benefit from this information.

Yesterday I was at a function and started talking about the work I’m doing with ATN. I noticed one woman’s eyes had begun to tear up and she started to share why.

She said she was a grade school teacher with a lot of foster children in her classroom. She’d been looking for information on trauma so she could work with the children more effectively. I handed her my business card and told her about the webinar series; she literally wept and said she’d been looking for something like ATN, but until that moment didn’t know we existed.

The Essentials of Therapeutic Parenting Cards – These were Julie Beem’s brain-child, and I had the privilege of developing them with her. They are 7 travel-size cards that come in a handy little case. Each card has one of the concepts Julie detail in her article, plus how that concept might be used in your home. You can purchase them through the Learning Center Store.

So take a look at the webinars, then spread the word… you just never know who else has been touched by trauma and needs to know what we know.

Life App-Labs - These live, discussion-focused webinars 5

The Roots of Relationship Recap 2013 ATTACh Conference Jane Durkin Samuel September 19th dawned early this year given that my eastern-time-zone body was now in central time. But despite being one year older – as in over the hill - by a few days, my usually reluctant body and mind were raring to go. I was in sunny, warm San Antonio, surrounded by folks who “got me” and more importantly got my kiddo and ready to share, learn and most importantly refill my therapeutic parenting toolbox.

Three guesses where I was.

Study) and the increasing body of neurological evidence documenting the effects of early brain changes figured widely in conference presentations and parent break-out discussions. And once again, the brain images and studies (dating back as early as the 1960’s with the Harlow Monkey Studies of the 1960’s) were un-refutable visual evidence of what occurs in the neglected and traumatized child’s brain.

When no relationship exists, then the development (both physical and psychological) is skewed. Sharing the work of researchers Bessel van der Kolk and Bruce Perry, therapist and parent Lois Erhmann reiterated that “neglect has been found to be far more a factor for attachment disorder than abuse.” No longer can our teachers, medical providers or non-trauma trained therapists stick their head in the sand and say our children have “behavioral problems” and it’s all our - the parent or caregivers - fault. A little extra discipline will not recreate the neural pathways, roots, which were damaged in early life. A little love – without a basis in empathy, nurturing, structure, and understanding – cannot grow a shriveled cortex, unstick a stuck brain, or dowse the flames of a midbrain on fire. But, a connection with these children can.

No, I was not at the yet to be organized – but I can dream right? - ATN parent retreat. No, I was not at the Support Buddy Conference/Cruise, but there’s an idea eh? Yes, I was at the ATTACh (Association for Treatment and Training in the Attachment of Children) Annual conference! Good guess!

I began attending ATTACh conferences in 2008 and have tried to make it every year since. (ATN has been attending for years!) For the past two years I have been lucky enough to attend as a speaker and a parent. The level of learning that I can pack into these three days is way more than I ever could obtain reading the best books on attachment and trauma, when I have the time to read! The depth of support and understanding brings much needed solace to my overwrought heart. The level of peace attained with just a few nights away from the high-need parenting back at home ought to be bottled and sold. I always come home feeling much rested, refreshed and most importantly, reenergized for another year of parenting a child from a hard past.

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This year was no exception. The theme of ATTACh’s 25th Silver Anniversary Conference was The Roots of Relationship: Understanding the Development and Power of Connection. A lot is packed into just that title.

The role of early life relationship; what happens when there isn’t an early life relationship; how does it affect the roots of development of the child both now and in the future; what tools can we use to develop a connection with the soul who lost out on early life connection?

Once again, the ACE (Adverse Childhood Experiences

L to R: Tiffany Junker, Kathleen Benckendorf, Anna Paravano, Julie Beem, Toni Hoy

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And it is that connection that Erhmann specifically addressed when she shared these simple, but profound, words: “[Let me be clear], we (the therapists) do not heal the children. The parents heal the children. We just provide a safe container for that to occur.” When I heard these validating words from this trained, but more importantly, in-the-trenches warrior mom, I wanted to trail them across the sky for all to see.

presentations offered a multitude of guidance on moving forward, that is “setting the table” in order to keep the chicken soup hot and ready. There were worthwhile presentations on: Taking care of ourselves as caregivers and parents; Parenting our children in a culture that does not necessarily encourage nurturing and hands on parenting;  Educating our teachers about our child’s unique needs;  Transforming our legislative, regulatory and welfare systems’ practices and policies to better serve the traumatized child and those raising them;  Getting the services our children need and deserve now and in the future; and  Learning how to parent these children when they become adults.

In addition, as always ATTACh offered opportunities to mingle with other parents, as well as engage with those  

When no relationship exists, then the development (both physical and psychological) is skewed.

So how do we make that connection? Once again the presentations this year were full of knowledge about how to achieve this. And once again, the answer was not just one therapy, or parenting/teaching methodology. There is not - as much as I weekly wish there were - one “magic pill” for these children. It is rather - as a wise therapeutic parent once said - an amalgamation of therapies, therapeutic parenting techniques and sometimes even well-chosen medications, which are the ingredients of the healing “chicken soup” we need to feed our children.

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Ingredients like: Theraplay®; EMDR; Understanding what drives the child’s behavior (the “can’t” versus the “won’t”);  “Attuning” to the child;  Canine therapy;   

The role of Residential Treatment Facilities in the treatment of our most fragile children; Understanding the sensorimotor role in trauma and attachment work; Using practices like rhythm, sensory work and occupational therapy to calm the child’s hypervigilent being and ground them back in reality; and  Using narrative storytelling and mindfulness to “claim", heal and teach. 

And after we have discerned the best ingredients for our particular child’s needs and situation, the conference

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offering services (RTC’s, Intensives, Publishers of books and literature) and support (ATN!). What an uplifting experience to be able to take a coffee break and peruse literature on adoption and parenting or children’s picture books, or eat dinner and network with other adults who understand.

psychotherapist  Anna Paravano, Board member and ATN Education Director  Tiffany Sudela-Junker, ATN staff member and Director of the critically acclaimed documentary My Name is Faith

I want to personally thank ATTACh for their hard work on this their Silver Anniversary Conference. But most importantly I want to thank the many ATN staff and members who traveled to attend, speak at, or simply offer support at this year’s conference. What a full and wonderful compliment of knowledge and experience:       

Julie Beem, Executive Director Kathleen Benckendorf (and her husband Eric), Board Member Toni Hoy, Advocacy and Legislative staff member Jane Samuel, Board Member Ken Huey, Board Member and VP of CALO RTC Carol Lozier, Board Member and LCSW Lark Eshleman, ATN Education staff member and

Places ATN will be: November 9, 2013—H3 (Help, Hope, Heal) Conference: Caring for Kids from Hard Places, Louisville, KY. http://orphancarealliance.org/event/hope-healing-conferencecaring-for-kids-from-hard-places/ February 11, 2014—Harnessing Early Brain Development and Relationships in the Treatment of Trauma: An introduction to the Neurorelational Framework Conference Santa Barbara, CA. info@mariposasproject.com May 17-19, 2014 -2013—Adoptive Family & Youth Training Seminar, Peachtree, GA. http://www.ties-that-bind.org/index.html June 5-8, 2014—National Foster Parent Association Conference: Launching Tomorrow's Dreams Today , Orlando, FL. http://nfpaonline.org/Conference June 7-10, 2014—National CASA Conference: A Better Life for Every Child, Grapevine, TX. http://www.casaforchildren.org/site/c.mtJSJ7MPIsE/ b.5405963/k.A2FE/Annual_Conference.htm

July 24-26, 2014—NACAC- Kansas City, MO. http://www.nacac.org/conference/conference.html 8

ATN Board of Directors Julie Beem, Executive Director Kathleen Benckendorf Tanya Bowers-Dean Stephanie Garde Ken Huey, Ph.D. Kelly Killian Carrie Kitze Carol Lozier, LCSW Anna Paravano, MS Jane Samuel Lorraine Schneider Larry Smith, LCSW, LICSW Nancy Spoolstra, Founder

Anna Paravano Describe your adoption journey For many years, I spent my time and energy struggling between my desire to be a mother and my body’s refusal to cooperate by simply becoming pregnant. After dealing with the heartache of infertility for 15 years, I began to understand that motherhood was not limited to achieving a physical condition but was ultimately an attitude of the heart and mind.

So, at the age 45 I became a mother through adoption. I was married at the time, and because of our ages, my husband and I chose to go through an attorney for an international adoption. We traveled to Ukraine in February of 2002 and this is where we first laid eyes on our son. He was 4 ½ years old, and the only life he’d ever known was behind the walls of an orphanage.

When we met him, we could see that he’d been physically injured; as we got to know him, it became equally obvious that his heart, mind, and spirit would need a lot of attention as well.

How did you find ATN or what lead you to ATN? A number of years ago, friends and my son’s therapist encouraged me to start a support group for parents like me. I started by creating an online forum for education and support but I struggled with the time and energy it took to build while our family was in such a difficult place. All the while, I kept seeing “ATN” popping-up online here and there but wasn’t sure what it was about exactly.

I met Julie Beem and Lorraine Schneider at the 2011 ATTACh Conference in Omaha, NE. I got the chance to ask a bunch of questions and then Julie said, “We want to become involved in online education.” It was at that moment, I knew I’d found what I’d been trying to create on my own.

What do you do for ATN? I’m a Board Member and ATN’s Education Director. But I became involved in the helping to create and design the Learning Center long before I ever had an “official” title because it was truly my hearts’ desire to see this part of ATN’s mission come to life. I design/develop the overall curriculum then work with our Executive Director, Julie and the faculty to create the webinars and presentations. Part of my job is to fine-tune the information and visual presentations so they have the ATN look and feel; but it’s just as important that each presenter’s expertise and experience comes across authentically.

I also help to create the educational support materials like our Parenting Cards (co-authored with Julie) and hand-outs.

Why did you decide to become an ATN volunteer?

For so many reasons: I wanted to give-back; I believe in ATN’s mission; I really like the people and the culture… But the main reason I became a volunteer is ATN needed someone with my skill set and background to create the Learning Center. I was actually looking to create an online educational experience for parents of traumatized children and ATN needed someone who could do precisely that. It just felt like a real match!

Education background, free time activities, etc. that you might want to include.

I have been a professional interior designer for over 32 years and hold a CID which means I passed a state licensing exam on building codes, etc. so I can submit construction plans to the building department. In my life before motherhood, I also taught, developed interior design programs and curriculum at the college and university levels, plus gave my own workshops.

I have an M.S. in Family and Environmental Sciences – an interdisciplinary major with an emphasis in interior design and adult education with a focus on improving the quality of life through the use of intelligent/mindful design. I’m an expert in the psychology of color and know a ton about environmental behavior.

My hobbies are photography, walking, singing and writing.

Favorite free-time activities: Talking with friends, sipping black tea, playing my cats and watching movies with my son.

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Carrie Kitze joins Attachment & Trauma Network’s Board of Directors Beem, Executive Director says, “She’s a nationallyrecognized advocate for adoptive children and children in need. Her energy is contagious, and together with the rest of our dedicated, passionate board, we’ll make even greater strides in helping children and families with support, education and advocacy.”

The Attachment & Trauma Network (ATN) announces the appointment of Carrie Kitze, publisher of EMK Press to their Board of Directors, effective immediately.

Carrie is the founder and publisher of EMK Press, an adoption-focused publishing company, and she’s an adoptive mother. In addition, she is the author of We See the Moon and I Don't Have Your Eyes and the creator of Adoption Parenting: Creating a Toolbox, Building Connection,s which she worked on with her editors Sheena Macrae and Jean MacLeod. She cocreated The Foster Parenting Toolbox with Kim Phagan -Hansel, a resource for foster parents and those who work with the children in care. Carrie is currently a Court Appointed Special Advocate (CASA) in NJ. And she was honored last month as one of CCAI’s Angels in Adoption for 2013.

ATN (The Attachment and Trauma Network), is an allvolunteer organization staffed by highly dedicated people who either parent or work with traumatized children and know first-hand the challenges and struggles these children face. ATN’s mission is to provide support, advocacy and education in forwarding the cause of children and families who’ve been touched by trauma and issues of attachment. For more information on attachment and trauma, to join or donate to ATN, visit their main website at www.attachtrauma.org.

“ATN is excited about adding Carrie to our board.” Julie

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From Our Blog….

Abandoned Jane Durkin Samuel I knew the minute my husband pulled out of the lot and darted across the street to drop me at the pharmacy that it was a bad idea. Our youngest had run back into the retirement home where my father lived to retrieve a forgotten item and my husband thought it would be quicker to pull across, drop me, and run back and get her while I shopped.

Problem is he didn’t tell her. He just figured he could get back before she noticed. Wrong.

It is simple things like this that don’t normally come up on a parent’s radar screen; that aren’t seen as game changers that have to be on the lookout for. But in one scary moment as seen through the eyes of a child like our daughter they are.

It doesn’t matter that this month eleven years have elapsed since the night or day, dawn or dusk that she was abandoned by her birth family. It doesn’t matter that ten years of love and lessons in trust have been poured into her mind and heart – some of them even finally sticking. It doesn’t matter that she knows the staff at the retirement home where we left her. It doesn’t matter that she has seen us return – from short and long trips, work, meetings and hospital stays - and knows that we don’t ever leave our children. It doesn’t matter that it is broad daylight and she can go right upstairs to her grandfather. It doesn’t matter that she is eleven now, and has the problem-solving capabilities to figure out what to do if indeed she was left behind for some odd, bizarre reason.

All that matters is that she was left behind a long time ago at least once, perhaps more. And her body remembers that leaving. And then her brain – despite all reassurance and rationalizations – goes off into the zone of fear, and what ifs, and oh no.

Yes, that is still really all that matters. I hope someday it doesn’t matter anymore. But until then, it does.

Visit ATN’s blog at http://attachtrauma.blogspot.com/

Don’t forget to renew your membership!

Individual (parent) memberships are $35 annually; Professional memberships are $75 annually.

You have four ways to join: 1.

Join online at www.attachtrauma.org. Click the Join button and use your credit card to renew your membership.

2.

Print the membership form available on the website and mail it to: ATN P.O. Box 164 Jefferson, MD 21755 along with your check or credit card information.

3.

Fax the completed membership form with credit card information to 1-888-656-9806 .

4.

Call Lorraine at 1-888-656-9806 and give her your card information over the phone.

Memberships make great gifts.

We have a scholarship program, so memberships can also be donated.

Scholarships are available for individual memberships.

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Book Review Stuck in the Yuck of Depression, Anxiety, Abuse and Trauma A Book for Healing by Barbara Swicegood and Janice Turber Kelly Killian To be completely honest, when I first saw the title of this book, I expected it to be geared toward working with younger children.

I thought I’d find some tips for working with my tween daughter who has regressed.

I was surprised to find that not to be the case. I’m being mean, I have told Barbara and Janice this.

This is a fabulous book for several things. It is great for explaining how abuse and trauma affect a child’s brain and techniques for working with traumatized children. It is also a great book for dealing with your own stuff.

or other team members. It can help them to understand what you’ve been trying to tell them, but they don’t want to hear.

Sometimes they need something written by a professional to make them listen. You buying “just” the parent doesn’t mean anything.

Barbara and Janice present real case studies of children, and adults, they have worked with and what kind of backgrounds they have, and what worked.

They also explain how and why certain therapies work while others don’t. Therapies, such as neurofeedback are explained, which is helpful for parents to understand these uncommon therapies and for team members to understand why we need to think outside the box on therapy with our children.

As I read it, it spoke to my own abuse and lingering affects of what I deal with on a daily basis. Dealing with your own trauma is crucial to helping your child(ren) and there are times where dealing with our child(ren) has caused forms of trauma.

Stuck in the Yuck retails on Outskirt Press.

It’s also a great book to present to those involved in your child’s life who don’t get it. School teachers, counselors,

http://outskirtspress.com/ bookstore/9781478706366.html

Help Wanted: Book Reviewers.

If you or your child have read a good book related to adoption, attachment or trauma, write a review (250-400 words), include a link to where you found the book, and email to kelly@attachtrauma.org 12

ATN Professional Member Directory These professionals believe in ATN’s mission and have joined us as Professional Members Laurel Abts Abts Family Counseling 11487 S 700 E Draper, UT 84020 801-930-0020 801-305-1395 fax http://abtsfamilycounseling.com/

Ce Eshelman, LMFT Sacramento Attachment Specialists The Attach Place 3436 American River Drive, Suite D Sacramento, CA 95864 916-403-0588 ce@attachplace.com http:// www.attachmentandtraumatreatmentcenter.com/ http://theattachplace.com/

Arthur Becker-Weidman, PhD Center for Family Development 5820 Main Street, Suite 406 Williamsville, NY 14221 716-810-0790 http://www.center4familydevelop.com/ Aweidman@Concentric.net

Kenneth Frohock LMHC, LRC Attachment Institute of New England 21 Cedar Street, Worcester, MA 01609 508-799-2663 508-753-9779 fax www.attachmentnewengland.com ken@attachmentnewengland.com

Heather Blessing, M.A., MFTI Marriage and Family Therapist Registered Intern, IMF 67330 Sacramento Psychotherapy Services, Inc. 3550 Watt Avenue, Suite 140 Sacramento, CA 95821 (916) 979-7693 www.riversidesupport.org Supervised by D. Chadwick Thompson License No. MFC 48044

Sharon Fuller The Attachment Place, LLC Maryland 410-707-5008 sfuller@theattachmentplace.com http://www.theattachmentplace.com/ Robyn Gobbel, LCSW 2525 Wallingwood, Bldg. 1, Suite 213 Austin, TX 78746 512-985-6698 http://www.gobbelcounseling.com/ robyn@gobbelcounseling.com

Beverly Cuevas LICSW, ACSW Attachment Center NW 8011 118th Avenue, NE Kirkland, WA 98033 425-889-8524 425-576-8274 fax bjcuevas@msn.com www.attachmentcenternw.net

Wendy Haus Hanevold, Ph.D Woven Families Program 555 Sun Valley Dr. Suite M-1 Roswell , GA 30076 404-583-7333 770-649-0935 fax www.wovenfamilies.com whanevold@gmail.com

Jill Dziko Your Adoptive Family PO Box 2191 Vashon, WA 98070 206-408-7219 youradoptivefamily@comcast.net http://youradoptivefamily.com/

Ken Huey, Ph.D. CALO (Change Academy Lake of the Ozarks) Lake Ozark, MO ken@caloteens.com 573-365-2221

Lark Eshleman, Ph.D. Chestertown, MD lark@larkeshleman.com http://www.larkeshleman.com/index.php 410-778-4317

(Continued on page 14)

Direct any updates/changes to this listing to membership@attachtrauma.org.

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(Continued from page 13)

Jennifer Jacobs Kurn Hattin Homes PO Box 127 Westminster, VT 05158 https://kurnhattin.org/

Lawrence Smith, LCSW Silver Spring, MD 301-558-1933 lbsmith@md.net Barbara Swicegood, M.S. Center for Attachment Resources & Enrichment (C.A.R.E.) Decatur, GA 404-371-4045 www.attachmentatlanta.org

Thomas Jahl, Headmaster Cono Christian School Walker, IA thomasjahl@mac.com http://www.cono.org/ 319-327-1085

Janice Turber, M.Ed. Center for Attachment Resources & Enrichment (C.A.R.E.) Decatur, GA 404-371-4045 www.attachmentatlanta.org

Carol Lindner-Lozier, LCSW Louisville, KY clozierlcsw@gmail.com http://www.forever-families.com/ Rhonda Lore, M.Ed Houston, TX 77079 http://www.playtherapycounselor.net/ PlayTherapyCounselor@yahoo.com

Don E. Wilhelm United Methodist Family Services 28 Bridgehampton Place Richmond, VA 23229 804-740-2600 dattchw@yahoo.com

Beth Lyons, LPCC Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor 111 S. Sherrin Ave. Louisville, KY 40207 502-558-3899 bethlyons990@gmail.com

Jennie Wilson Step By Step Counseling, LLC 2081 Collier Corporate Parkway Saint Charles, MO 63303 636-255-0002 http://stepbystepcounselingllc.com/ jenniewilson@stepbystepcounselingllc.com

Jennie Murdock, LCSW, LMT Lehi, UT Jenniem1951@gmail.com 435-668-3560

The Attachment & Trauma Network (ATN) recognizes that each child's history and biology is unique to that child.

Because of this we believe there is no one therapy or parenting method that will benefit every child.

What works for one child may not work for another child.

Many children may benefit from a combination of different therapeutic parenting methods and trauma-sensitive, attachment-focused treatments.

We encourage parents to research different treatments and parenting methods in order to determine what will work best for their unique children. www.attachtrauma.org 14