Biking bounty – a pheasant plucker’s tale

As they say on television… if you’re of a delicate or squeamish disposition, probably best to look away now. While most cyclists tend to give a wide berth to the many dead creatures which litter our highways and byways, Joe North sees them as just another example of Mother Nature’s bounty

❝Lucy McTaggart’s rides have been particularly bountiful recently, with a hare on my last Etal-u-Can and three pheasants on the last Long Dark Teatime ❞

Bagged… Joe rides on with his mid-week feast, free of charge…

NIALL WALLACE /FIFEING EEJIT To help the novice, here are some handy tips for dealing with roadside bounty:

PHEASANT BREAST This is a two minute job. Cut off the wings with poultry scissors. Pull the skin covering the breast away, make a hole and peel back. Slice the breasts off neatly. You can then make “road chicken” pie, or even a curry.

PHEASANTS, WHOLE BIRD Pluck the legs and back first to gain confidence, and take care as the skin is thinner than a chicken’s. Pluck the breast. Chop off the head, feet and wings. Make an incision at the throat, and remove the crop and all the organs. This makes a cracking and quick weekday roast. Young and old birds benefit from different cooking styles.

I’VE BEEN PICKING up roadkill for many years. Maybe it’s in the blood… my grandfather was an inveterate poacher with a liking for pheasant, though to be fair, I always stay on the right side of the law.

My ancestors are an interesting lot: my great-grandfather, Ephraim Liggins, for instance, was once convicted of “furious cycling”! But that’s another story. All I know is that I’ve inherited an interest in the free “game” that presents itself to the cyclist.

Before we go further, my advice would be to pick up roadkill only where it is safe to do so. Consider your visibility to other vehicles, what is visible to you, the traffic and where the animal is positioned on the highway. If you think that you can’t safely pick something up, don’t. Better to go hungry than become roadkill yourself.

The likelihood of getting ill from well-cooked roadkill is less of a concern; as long as the animal is not too old or damaged, and the temperatures are cool, it will be fine. You still need to follow safe handling procedures though, as you would for any raw meat you might buy. If it looks or smells too bad, don’t bother.

There are many good reasons to pick up roadkill. It’s free, incredibly tasty and will make you a better cook and butcher. When you cook jugged hare, venison stew or pheasant, with lentil and garlic soup, you can dine like Henry VIII in his fatter years… for free.

Ethically, roadkill is organic. If you no longer have faith in the shrink-wrapped packets offered by supermarkets, you can make your own judgement about freshness and provenance, secure in the knowledge that you cycled on the same road the day before.

Game will improve your cycling performance, and not just because it is lean meat. Five-times Tour De France winner Jacques Anquetil said: “To prepare for a race, there is nothing better than a good pheasant, some champagne and a woman.”

As Anquetil would have agreed, a pheasant in a Carradice saddlebag is the height of Audaxing aesthetics. Finally, you can add several hundred pounds worth of meat to your freezer each year.

The casual nonchalance of the Randonneur, accessorised with beard, retro Lycra, steel bike, mudguards, mudflaps, Carradice and GPS brick can only be improved by sandals with socks – and a pheasant sticking out of a saddlebag.

At this time of year gamekeepers across the country will, normally, be releasing around 35 million game birds, mostly pheasants. Whatever your ethical position on this, I see it as my personal duty to eat as much from the rich man’s table as I possibly can, while avoiding the expense, guilt or possible criminal record that come with actively pursuing game.

According to studies and my anecdotal evidence, roadkill pheasants tend to be most prevalent in SeptemberNovember and February-April, fitting in usually just peels off. Consider whether they

massive fan so I don’t eat that many. PARTRIDGE

If you persevere, you will have a surprising These often seem smaller than commercial neatly with autumn and spring Audaxing. If you’re really keen, you could even have a go at “beating” on a local shoot in the winter to keep up your fitness. It is a surprisingly physical day out.

I am unable to turn down a good dinner while Audaxing, so have accidentally completed a Roadkill SR. The Two Deer Melbourne-to-London 200 was probably the toughest of these. I lost time butchering a deer near Melbourne, and waiting for a relative to pick it up.

Once, near Kettering, I butchered and packed a muntjac deer in 20 minutes. After the CTC Hilly 50k, my friends and I enjoyed a sizeable roast dinner. I also picked up a brace of pheasants on the Elenydd 300, a rabbit on the National 400 and a partridge on the Flatlands 600.

My prize was not a badge or another trophy for Four Corners Audax, but a muntjac deer, which I put in my ancient hatchback at 5am, after a night spent sleeping in a car park somewhere near Great Dunmow. Lucy McTaggart’s rides have been particularly bountiful recently, with a hare on my last Etal-u-Can and three pheasants on the last Long Dark Teatime.

Game recipes and advice can easily be found in print and online. Honest-food. net and tasteofgame.org.uk are good resources. As regards ageing, game birds can be aged for three to seven days in an outbuilding. In colder weather, I’ve left venison to hang for a few days. Be mindful of temperatures and your home facilities,

RABBIT If you can get over its similarity to your childhood pet, rabbits are possibly the easiest thing on the list to prepare, as the fur have been run over or just knocked to one side, and any possible contamination.

Totally worth it. These noble game birds are a delightful meal-for-one. Pluck carefully and cook gently.

DUCK duck, so adjust cooking times. The down can be hard to pluck, so use a knife. With a blackcurrant and port jus, these make a hearty roast dinner. HARE This truly wild animal, which can run at speeds of 60kph, is a rare and exquisite treat, although I do mourn each one I find.

WOODPIGEON A rich meat, best cooked quickly. I’m not a

SQUIRREL Unless they’re very fresh, squirrel fur tends to “glue” to the meat and skinning is hard. though.

amount of delicious, slightly nutty meat.

MUNTJAC DEER A modestly-sized deer. With a penknife and a few bags the main joints can be quickly stowed in your saddlebag. Tastes like lamb. BIGGER DEER The steak either side of the spine is the best bit so, if you can only take one piece, take these two strips. Few country folk will turn down a sizeable deer so be aware that, unless you phone a friend to pick it up, it may well be gone when you return.

WILD GARLIC In spring you can often pick up the strong scent of garlic in shady areas. This underappreciated herb can be found, if you use your nose. It’s good in a stir-fry, pesto or, my favourite, wild garlic potato cakes.

FRUIT Wild and long-neglected apple varieties can be found all over the UK. There is plenty of fruit about if you look for it.