A&U May 2022 by A&U: America's AIDS Magazine

art & understanding for 31 years

Fiction: An Excerpt from a New Book by Hans M. Hirschi Looking Back on

AIDS Walk

RON B.

Breaks Boundaries in Her Art & Activism

MAY 2022 | ISSUE 331

IMPORTANT FACTS FOR BIKTARVY®

This is only a brief summary of important information about BIKTARVY and does not replace talking to your healthcare provider about your condition and your treatment.

(bik-TAR-vee)

MOST IMPORTANT INFORMATION ABOUT BIKTARVY

POSSIBLE SIDE EFFECTS OF BIKTARVY

BIKTARVY may cause serious side effects, including:

BIKTARVY may cause serious side effects, including:  Those in the “Most Important Information About BIKTARVY” section.  Changes in your immune system. Your immune system may get stronger and begin to fight infections that may have been hidden in your body. Tell your healthcare provider if you have any new symptoms after you start taking BIKTARVY.  Kidney problems, including kidney failure. Your healthcare provider should do blood and urine tests to check your kidneys. If you develop new or worse kidney problems, they may tell you to stop taking BIKTARVY.  Too much lactic acid in your blood (lactic acidosis), which is a serious but rare medical emergency that can lead to death. Tell your healthcare provider right away if you get these symptoms: weakness or being more tired than usual, unusual muscle pain, being short of breath or fast breathing, stomach pain with nausea and vomiting, cold or blue hands and feet, feel dizzy or lightheaded, or a fast or abnormal heartbeat.  Severe liver problems, which in rare cases can lead to death. Tell your healthcare provider right away if you get these symptoms: skin or the white part of your eyes turns yellow, dark “tea-colored” urine, light-colored stools, loss of appetite for several days or longer, nausea, or stomach-area pain.  The most common side effects of BIKTARVY in clinical studies were diarrhea (6%), nausea (6%), and headache (5%).

 Worsening of hepatitis B (HBV) infection. Your

healthcare provider will test you for HBV. If you have both HIV-1 and HBV, your HBV may suddenly get worse if you stop taking BIKTARVY. Do not stop taking BIKTARVY without first talking to your healthcare provider, as they will need to check your health regularly for several months, and may give you HBV medicine.

ABOUT BIKTARVY BIKTARVY is a complete, 1-pill, once-a-day prescription medicine used to treat HIV-1 in adults and children who weigh at least 55 pounds. It can either be used in people who have never taken HIV-1 medicines before, or people who are replacing their current HIV-1 medicines and whose healthcare provider determines they meet certain requirements. BIKTARVY does not cure HIV-1 or AIDS. HIV-1 is the virus that causes AIDS. Do NOT take BIKTARVY if you also take a medicine that contains:  dofetilide  rifampin  any other medicines to treat HIV-1

BEFORE TAKING BIKTARVY Tell your healthcare provider if you:  Have or have had any kidney or liver problems,

including hepatitis infection.  Have any other health problems.  Are pregnant or plan to become pregnant. It is not known if BIKTARVY can harm your unborn baby. Tell your healthcare provider if you become pregnant while taking BIKTARVY.  Are breastfeeding (nursing) or plan to breastfeed. Do not breastfeed. HIV-1 can be passed to the baby in breast milk. Tell your healthcare provider about all the medicines you take:  Keep a list that includes all prescription and over-the-

counter medicines, antacids, laxatives, vitamins, and herbal supplements, and show it to your healthcare provider and pharmacist.

 BIKTARVY and other medicines may affect each other.

Ask your healthcare provider and pharmacist about medicines that interact with BIKTARVY, and ask if it is safe to take BIKTARVY with all your other medicines.

These are not all the possible side effects of BIKTARVY. Tell your healthcare provider right away if you have any new symptoms while taking BIKTARVY. You are encouraged to report negative side effects of prescription drugs to the FDA. Visit www.FDA.gov/medwatch or call 1-800-FDA-1088. Your healthcare provider will need to do tests to monitor your health before and during treatment with BIKTARVY.

HOW TO TAKE BIKTARVY Take BIKTARVY 1 time each day with or without food.

GET MORE INFORMATION  This is only a brief summary of important information

about BIKTARVY. Talk to your healthcare provider or pharmacist to learn more.

 Go to BIKTARVY.com or call 1-800-GILEAD-5  If you need help paying for your medicine,

visit BIKTARVY.com for program information.

BIKTARVY, the BIKTARVY Logo, GILEAD, the GILEAD Logo, GSI, and KEEP BEING YOU are trademarks of Gilead Sciences, Inc., or its related companies. Version date: February 2021 © 2022 Gilead Sciences, Inc. All rights reserved. US-BVYC-0008 01/22

#1 PRESCRIBED

HIV TREATMENT * *Source: IQVIA NPA Weekly, 04/19/2019 through 05/28/2021.

CHAD LIVING WITH HIV SINCE 2018 REAL BIKTARVY PATIENT

KEEP BEING YOU. Because HIV doesn’t change who you are.

BIKTARVY® is a complete, 1-pill, once-a-day prescription medicine used to treat HIV-1 in certain adults. BIKTARVY does not cure HIV-1 or AIDS.

Ask your healthcare provider if BIKTARVY is right for you. ONE SMALL PILL, ONCE A DAY Pill shown not actual size (15 mm x 8 mm) | Featured patient compensated by Gilead.

Please see Important Facts about BIKTARVY, including important warnings, on the previous page and visit BIKTARVY.com.

Scan to see Chad’s story.

Contents

May

2022

GALLERY

Artists explore the meaning and symbolism of HIV intersectionality

COVER STORY

A&U's Alina Oswald Talks to Ron B. About Her Award-Winning Show, No Boundaries Up Close & Personal, and its role in defining her HIV advocacy

A Look at AIDS Walk NY Through the Years

FEATURES

16 Fiction An Excerpt from Hans M. Hirschi's Michel: Fallen Angel of Paris

DEPARTMENTS 4 6 8

Frontdesk Digital Footprints NewsBreak

cover photo by Alina Oswald

viewfinder

Bright Lights, Big CIty

FEATURE

lifeguide 40

The Culture of AIDS

Frontdesk From the Editor

Welcome Aboard!

AMERICA’S AIDS MAGAZINE issue 331 vol. 31 no. 5 May 2022 editorial offices: (518) 205-5024

A&U

would like to welcome Alina Oswald as our new Managing Editor, Alina is not new to our readers she has been writing for us since 2003. Welcome aboard Alina. Thank you for your kind words. I’m excited to take on the new role, while, at the same time, very much aware that I have some big shoes to fill. And so, I want to start by thanking the former Managing Editor, Chael Needle, for the awe-inspiring and outstanding work he always did for A&U, and also for taking a chance on me, and mentoring me into the writer and editor I am today. You can read more about my personal journey to Finding Art & Understanding in this issue of A&U. This month’s cover story focuses on Ron B., an HIV advocate, and also an actor who has appeared in TV series like Law & Order and Shaft, as well as in the iconic Angels in America HBO mini-series. Ron B. is also the celebrity host of the award-winning show No Boundaries Up Close and Personal. In this issue, visual artists, including Kurt Weston, Mario Sostre, and Wolfgang Busch, use their art to discuss the symbolism and meaning of HIV intersectionality. Also, author Hans M. Hirschi talks about his new book, Michel: Fallen Angel of Paris, which tells a collective story of the HIV and AIDS crisis.

Editor in Chief & Publisher David Waggoner Managing Editor: Alina Oswald Editor at Large: Chip Alfred Special Projects Editor: Lester Strong Arts Editor: Alina Oswald Fiction Editor: Raymond Luczak; Nonfiction Editor: Jay Vithalani; Drama Editor: Bruce Ward; Poetry Editor: Philip F. Clark; Copy Editor: Maureen Hunter Contributing Editors: Reed Massengill, Kelly McQuain, Lesléa Newman, Robert E. Penn, Nick Steele Contributing Writers: Ruby Comer, Alacias Enger, Claire Gasamagera, John Francis Leonard, Corey Saucier Art Director: Timothy J. Haines

Also, in this issue, we take a look at the history of the AIDS Walk New York fundraising event. After two years of taking place online, because of COVID, this May, the walkathon will happen in person, again. People from all over the country and around the world will meet again in Central Park to walk together and “Make AIDS History.”

Contributing Photographers: Tom Bianchi, Holly Clark, Stephen Churchill Downes, Greg Gorman, Francis Hills, Tom McGovern, Annie Tritt, Tommy Wu National Advertising Director: Harold Burdick, Jr. Sales & Marketing: David L. Bonitatibus Advertising Sales Office: (518) 205-5024 National Advertising Representative: Rivendell Media (212) 242-6863 Subscription Info: (518) 205-5024 Board of Directors President: David Waggoner Vice President: Harold Burdick, Jr. Founding Board Members: Mark S. Labrecque, 1961–1992, Christopher Hewitt, 1946–2004, Mark Galbraith, 1962–2011 In Memoriam: Bill Jacobson, 1939–2005 Rhomylly B. Forbes, 1963–2011 • Chris Companik, 1957–2012 • Nancy Ellegate, 1959–2015 • Patricia Nell Warren, 1936–2019 • Jeannie Wraight, 1968–2021 • Robert Schelepanow, 1946–2020 • Richard Garcia, 1951–2021

DAVID WAGGONER

A&U (ISSN 1074-0872) is published by Art & Understanding, Inc., 4 Hall Street, Hoosick Falls, NY 12090, USA. For A&U advertising information please call 518-205-5024; for subscriptions and address changes please call 518-205-5024; for letters to the editor and unsolicited manuscripts write A&U Magazine, 4 Hall Street, Hoosick Falls, New York 12090; or e-mail: mailbox@aumag. org. All unsolicited manuscripts that do not have a S.A.S.E. cannot be returned and will not be acknowledged. ©2021 Art & Understanding, Inc. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. A&U may not be reproduced in any manner, either in whole or in part, without written permission of the publisher. A&U and the graphic representations thereof are the registered trademarks of Art & Understanding, Inc., a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization. Individual Subscription rates: $24.95 (12 issues). Institutional rates: $80.00 (12 issues). For subscriptions outside the USA and possessions, $30.95/Canada, $49.95/international, payable in advance in U.S. currency. First North American serial rights revert to contributors upon publication. A&U retains the right to anthologize work in further issues, as well as in microform or reprinting on the Internet within the context of each issue. Statements of writers, artists and advertisers are not necessarily those of the publisher. Readers note: subjects and contributors to A&U are both HIV-positive and HIV-negative. In the absence of a specific statement herein concerning the serostatus of any individual mentioned in, or contributing material to, this publication, no inference is made with respect thereto and none should be implied. Letters written to A&U or its contributors are assumed intended for publication. Art & Understanding, Inc. assumes no responsibility or liability for unsolicited submissions and does not guarantee the return thereof. PostMaster: Please send address corrections to A&U Magazine, 4 Hall Street, Hoosick Falls, NY 12090 USA

Printed in USA • Visit our Web site at www.aumag.org

Digital Digital D ig igi git ita taal Footprints Fo Footprints ootpprint in nts ts Chael Needle’s cover story interview with Dominic Colón created a buzz. The photo shoot by Stephen Churchill Downes was breathtaking

art & understanding for 31 years

Playwright Yilong Liu Advocate

Lailani Muniz Fiction by

Randi Triant

Photographer Mike Ruiz Poetry by

Steven Blaski

dominic

Colón

Rewrites the Story of HIV and Healing, On the Stage & In His Own Life

APRIL 2022 | ISSUE 330

Photo by Afram King

@AmericasAIDSMagazine

@au_magazine

@au_americas_aids_magazine • MAY 2022

ALI NA O S WALD Photography

portrait - editorial - creative - promotional - event

photo editing & retouching photo education portfolio review

alinaoswald.com

NewsBreak

Press Releases Press Releases

MSF responds to new WHO treatment guidelines for HIV-related cryptococcal meningitis

he international medical humanitarian organization Doctors Without Borders/Médecins Sans Frontières (MSF) welcomes the updated World Health Organization (WHO) guidelines for the management of cryptococcal meningitis, an opportunistic fungal infection that is the number two killer of people living with HIV/AIDS after tuberculosis. “With timely and effective diagnosis and treatment, people living with HIV/AIDS can survive opportunistic infections like cryptococcal meningitis,” said Dr. Freddy Mangana, HIV-TB medical supervisor for MSF in the Democratic Republic of Congo. “We are optimistic that the new treatment regimen recommended in the WHO guidelines will be adopted quickly by countries as it is much simpler to give, can be started immediately in some settings, is better tolerated, and will hopefully lead to shorter hospital stays for many patients.” The new guidelines endorse a simplified regimen of a single high dose of liposomal amphotericin B (L-AmB) combined with two weeks of flucytosine and fluconazole. While it is critical for all countries to urgently adopt these guidelines to save lives and meet new WHO global targets, access to L-AmB and flucytosine remains a significant challenge in low- and middle-income countries. These drugs are often not included in national guidelines and countries are not submitting requests to the Global Fund to Fight AIDS, Tuberculosis and Malaria and PEPFAR to fund the procurement of these medicines. To begin addressing the challenges of accessing L-AmB and flucytosine, governments need to: update national cryptococcal meningitis clinical

MAY 2022 •

guidance; include these medicines in funding requests to major donors; and increase screening for cryptococcal meningitis among people living with HIV. Governments also need to work with pharmaceutical companies and urge them to increase production and expand registration of these medicines to meet the expected increase in demand as countries start to implement the new guidelines. “The limited availability of quality-assured L-AmB and flucytosine means that treatment providers working in sub-Saharan Africa struggle to treat people with cryptococcal meningitis, or risk treating them with suboptimal treatments when these medicines are not available,” said Dr. Mangana. “The good news is that this new regimen also uses less L-AmB and requires less monitoring, which could reduce the overall price for countries to implement as compared to the previous L-AmB regimen if urgently adopted into national guidelines.” Additionally, US-based pharmaceutical corporation Gilead—the main supplier of quality-assured L-AmB—has failed to deliver on its promise of providing this lifesaving medicine at the access price of $16.25 per vial to treat cryptococcal meningitis as promised to 116 countries in 2018. This

price would allow for the inclusion of L-AmB at approximately $195 per person under the new recommended treatment protocol. More than three years later, Gilead has still only provided L-AmB to fewer than half of the eligible countries at the access price. Furthermore, Gilead has done little to register L-AmB where it is needed most, with registrations in only two countries in all of sub-Saharan Africa. In addition, despite multiple quality-assured generic manufacturers of flucytosine in the market, few have been registered and made available in low- and middle-income countries. “This lifesaving treatment remains out of reach and unaffordable for far too many people who need it,” said Jessica Burry, HIV pharmacist for MSF’s Access Campaign. “To ensure we meet the new WHO targets for decreasing deaths from cryptococcal meningitis, Gilead needs to do everything it can to make good on its promise to provide L-AmB at their access price. In addition, there needs to be a significant effort from countries to prioritize the use of L-AmB and flucytosine, and from manufacturers to start registering and supplying these medicines.” Taken from a press release sent by Doctors Without Borders.

Without health justice, we cannot end the HIV epidemic. Show your support at sfaf.org/shop

• APRIL 2022

what to expect at AIDS 2022

eaturing the latest HIV science, the AIDS 2022 programme offers a range of topics exploring Indigenous responses to HIV, surveillance ethics, health innovation, quality healthcare, HIV cure and vaccine research and much more. Additional programme content, including Global Village and Youth Programme activities, pre-conferences, satellites and an exhibition, will be available in the coming weeks. Highlights include: Indigenous experiences and approaches in the HIV response What can we learn from Indigenous science and research in responding to viruses? No substitute for experience: Highlighting grassroots approaches to HIV Treatment and antiretroviral therapy Long-acting therapies HIV prevention and treatment ART clinical trials COVID-19 and HIV Learning from pandemics: From COVID-19 and HIV to future pandemics Living with HIV during COVID-19

COVID-19, community and HIV: Importance of community involvement in pandemic response HIV cure Promising strategies for HIV cure and approaches for vaccine research HIV reservoir dynamics and implications for cure Advances and opportunities for communities to collaborate around cure progress HIV surveillance and ethics Big data and AI: An ethical and human rights-based HIV response? Ensuring an ethical future for HIV surveillance Real-time HIV surveillance to achieve Fast-Track milestones HIV and co-infections Ageing with grace with HIV HIV and other conditions Community-led monitoring and engagement Nothing about us without us: Community-led responses and research Connecting female sex workers and trans sex workers to HIV services Community monitoring of HIV services for key

populations Sustainability and equity in the HIV response Equitable roll out of health products: What will it take? Going to the source: Sustainable financing of HIV programmes Playing with fire: Environmental complexity, HIV vulnerabilities and sustainable resourcing ... and much more! AIDS 2022 standard registration closes on June 1st, 2022 Taken from a press release sent by AIDS 2022

amfAR awards $550k in New Funding to Researchers

nounced in a press release by amfAR's Joseph Ferrara, Direcotr of Philanthropy - I am thrilled to share with you that this past month, our Board of Trustees voted to award $550,000 across four research projects pursuing inventive approaches to the treatment and cure of HIV. “These grants and fellowships reflect the vibrancy of HIV research and the wide range of innovative strategies being pursued to end the epidemic,” amfAR's Chief Executive Officer Kevin Robert Frost said. “We're thrilled to support such a diverse and extremely talented group of researchers who reflect our unswerving commitment to curing HIV and making AIDS history.” This round of funding includes a grant to Anjie Zhen, Ph.D., of the University of California, Los Angeles, who will focus on CAR-T cell therapy to eliminate HIV in a patient's body. Chimeric antigen receptor (CAR)-T cells have proven highly effective in the MAY 2022 •

treatment of a variety of cancers. These T cells are genetically altered to seek out and destroy pathogens such as cancer or HIV. They have been less successful in the treatment of HIV in large part because over time they become exhausted and ineffective. In a previous study, Dr. Zhen found that autophagy–the natural process through which the body cleans debris out of cells–can both enhance the ability of CAR-T cells to fight HIV and reduce the toxicity of latency-reversing agents (LRAs) used to force HIV out of hiding. With a $100,000 grant provided by amfAR,

Dr. Zhen and her team plan to identify the most effective autophagy-inducing drugs and use them in combination with CAR-T cells and an LRA in an effort to eliminate HIV infection. If you have any questions or would like to further discuss this round of funding, I would welcome the opportunity to speak with you. My contact information is below. Finally, please click below to donate in honor of Dr. Zhen's work! Thank you again, and I hope to hear from you soon.

BRIGHT LIGHTS, SMALL CITY by John Francis Leonard

GRANDMA BETTY

Irish Eyes Aren't Always Smiling

want to talk about something this month, but I cannot cleverly tie it to HIV. I won’t even try. This column is actually about <someone>. More than any other person in my life, this woman shaped me. Any resolve I possess, any strength I have, any surety of mind, any sheer will to live and survive, I owe to her. So certainly, even though my diagnosis preceded her death by several years, I never shared it with her because she was just not ready for that news. It would have been too troubling for her in those final years, and she’d carried several lifetimes worth of burdens already. I comforted myself with the thought of what clarity she would have brought to the situation, only lesser to the unwavering support she would give. More than anything, however, she had given me gifts that allowed me to process this information with a tremendous amount of practicality and, at other times, a troublesome lack of emotion. Both my maternal grandmother as well as my mother’s former husband taught me that to betray emotion was to display weakness. That’s hardly a strength as I see things now, but at the time, it’s how I got through not only <my> diagnosis, but my partner’s previous one. Suffice it to say, he didn’t approach the situation with my practical sense of fatalism, another gift from my gran. I would not have gotten through what was just the first of the challenges in the subsequent years if my gran hadn’t had the influence and more importantly, the love for me that she did. She was, in all honesty, often a very challenging woman to know, much less be related to. I can say with confidence that out of her six children and certainly any of her grandchildren, we had the strongest bond. We had an understanding. She was the first person that I ever told I was gay. Talk about the obvious, gran asked me in a tone which conveyed love and trust, but brooked no argument when I was thirteen. And she had held off for a few years. We had a good laugh about that when I was an adult. She was a small woman, small in stature, but loomed large in spirit. She always referred to herself as ‘An old Irish red-headed lady.’ It was a beautiful light auburn in her youth, but she spent her later years recapturing her red from the bottle. It was her one vanity. She was fierce in temper and caustic in wit, life had given her no choice. Her mother, when she was growing up in a small Irish town, was an even smaller woman who was beaten regularly by a drunken husband. Betty put a stop to this by clocking him in the head with a cast iron skillet. They fled to the home of relatives, a day’s walk down the road, and with money they had been saving,

contributions from family, and what remained of her father's pay packet took a train to a port city and boarded a ship to New York. Left behind was Betty’s father laid flat on the floor. Depending on when she was telling the story, she was fairly certain she had killed him, or he was simply unconscious for a time. She may have thrown that man out of their lives, but she later married him. Her third, and last husband, father of her five youngest children was a useless old soak, as she would say to me. He never beat her, but that’s only due to a lack of bravery. Early in their marriage, he had slapped her across the face and yanked her by her earlobe ripping her earring out, she still had the scar. But he got the iron upside his head. ‘For his sins’, as she would say. He never raised his hand to her again, the violence of drinking oneself to death would suit him fine. He gradually ceased being able to work, and she kept their window cleaning business going as long as she could and cleaned houses when she couldn’t. She got by, barely, but large meals were in short supply. My mother never bought bologna when I was growing up. A single piece of fried baloney with a slice of wonder bread often was dinner when she was growing up. Often it was not, and they went to bed hungry. We also were never to go outside barefoot. Ma had one wearable pair of shoes and they had to be saved for school. Dire poverty goes beyond hunger and a lack of material things for some, for some it means neglect. My mom was pulled from class by the nuns one day and made to shower, that’s how dirty she was. It was all the more degrading as everyone knew what was going on. These were the stories told to me by my mother to remind me of how good I had it. I had affluent parents that made dead certain I grew up in an outwardly, civilized manner, but I saw them rarely, so busy were they with their careers and social lives. But I wouldn’t trade places with my mom at all. My grandfather succeeded in drinking himself to death the year after my birth. Many wives would welcome the absence of such a burden, but Betty loved that man to distraction, that or suddenly became seemingly aware of something previously dormant overnight. What was inevitable was seen as the greatest of unexpected tragedies. She truly was bereft; however, she would mourn him for the rest of her life. My grandmother had previously

viewfinder been the devoutest of Catholics, she lost her faith. There were two portraits hung in my grandmother’s home. Three if you count my grandfather. Our Lord and John Kennedy. Betty had a heart attack in the late seventies and her doctor agreed that she should no longer work. She got by on Social Security and public assistance. Barely got by, but her children and me, as I got older, made certain she never went without. There were many family tragedies over the years, some acknowledged, some shrouded in secrecy. The two youngest brothers were in and out of Attica for years. My gran knew every cop nearby because they all had dealt with those two at one time or another. My Aunt lost five babies to crib death. Shortly before her death, the police had reopened the case examining those deaths for possible foul play. It was a surprise to none of her siblings. Suffice it to say, there was generational abuse and plenty of bad luck. My mother had made a good life for herself far away from her past. I recount some of this circus to illustrate why my gran was the tough cookie she was. Life didn’t give her much choice. The real tragedy was it gave her so much pain in such disproportionate amounts to joy. I feel so honored that she trusted me enough to tell me things no one else knew, certainly not her children. We shared some special moments, she and I. When my aunt died an early death in the early aughts, gran had reached her limit. Her demons caught a hold of her and wrestled her to the ground. We knew she hoarded food, what none of us knew was that she was bulimic. She played it as if eating was a struggle and that was why she was so underweight. An old friend of hers, my Aunt Bev, found her passed out after vomiting up copious amounts of blood. My grandmother had no desire to be svelte and fashionable, she sought control over something in her life. And that’s the lesson as well. You can succumb to unfortunate events, but you can rise above them, too. Gran knew she had made mistakes, but for so long she took her lumps and persevered. She didn’t find peace in the end though and that’s the tragedy. I know that she took great pleasure in my life and my success at the time. She’d often told me that I was living a life that she could only dream of. ‘Don’t fuck it up, John Francis’ she would always add with a cheeky grin. John Francis Leonard is an advocate and writer, as well as a voracious reader of literature, which helps to feed his love of the English language. He has been living with HIV for fifteen years. His fiction has been published in the ImageOutWrite literary journal and he is a literary critic for Lambda Literary. Follow him on Twitter @JohnFrancisleo2. • MAY 2022

Michel: Fallen Angel of Paris by Hans M. Hirschi

FICTION

Excerpt: Chapter October 11 - Dying

ichel was angry. No, angry didn’t do it justice, and before he realized just how upset he was, the vase shot across the room, crashing against the wall, leaving a pool of water, broken flowers, and a thousand pieces of glass strewn over the floor underneath a wet stain on the wallpaper. “Michel! What’s wrong?” Haakon flew up from the couch, dropping the book he’d been reading. Michel fell to his knees, sobbing. “I’m fucking dying, that’s what’s wrong. For every day that passes, for every breath I take, I’m closer to my death, and I haven’t even lived my life yet.” Even to his own ears, his wailing sounded like that of a wounded animal. “What do I have to show for it, huh? In terms of a life? A closeted upbringing, sexual abuse in every sense of the word, no education, no accomplishments. Once I am gone, I’ll not be remembered by anybody.” “That’s not true. I’ll always remember you. I’ll always love you.” “Oh, fuck off, Haakon. You know what I mean. What have I ever done with my life? Nothing! Zero, zilch.” Michel’s anguish turned to anger. “How long have we known each other? A couple of months? Do you really know me? Do I know you? It’s not like we’re engaged or anything. You’re just another one-night stand

in my never-ending stream of bad decisions.” Michel knew that one of the many men he’d encountered over the years must’ve infected him, and chances were that he’d passed it on to others as well, beyond Haakon. He didn’t want to think about that. To really, and fully, accept that piece of information would’ve broken his heart all over again. “Now you’re not being fair. I’m here, am I not?” Haakon had unexpectedly raised his voice to match Michel’s. This was a fight Haakon wasn’t backing away from. It was their first. Michel looked up in surprise. There was something in his boyfriend’s eyes that he couldn’t quite pinpoint, but it made him reconsider what he’d intended to say. All he could muster was, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t direct my anger at you. It’s not your fault after all. It’s just so frustrating. Dying, you know?” “No, I don’t know. Not yet anyway! I’m still waiting for the results of my test. So who knows?” Haakon added with emphasis, “Maybe we’ll be together again before you know it.” Michel stared at Haakon blankly, having nothing left to say. He didn’t know if Haakon was accusing him of murder, simply stating the truth, or in fact, trying to console him. Whichever it was, Haakon seemed to get that he’d not been very clear. “Look, I know you don’t believe

• MAY 2022

in any life beyond this one, I just...” He didn’t say anything else either. Instead, he crossed the distance to Michel, sat down next to him, and held him as Michel began to cry again, letting out the sorrow over his all too short life. *** The coming weeks were difficult. Michel’s general condition deteriorated from day to day, as his body was attacked and ravaged by any and all infections in his vicinity. But he fought valiantly for every single moment he had left, relishing the time he got to spend with Haakon, the occasional visits by Gaëlle, and the little things in life, like walks in the neighborhood, a cup of coffee, a croissant, or a hug. Sometimes he managed to venture all the way down to the Seine, sitting on the bench near Notre Dame where he had professed his feelings for Haakon the very first time. It wasn’t far, maybe a twenty-minute walk, but in his condition, it was a stretch. The results of Haakon’s HIV test had come back, and they were positive, too. I have killed him! But no vases flew across his apartment after they’d received the news. While Haakon had acted bravely and had not shed a single tear at the announcement, for Michel, knowing he had infected Haakon was worse than dying himself. Had the news been any other, Michel would have wanted to fight on, to stay alive in the hopes of a miracle cure, to be with Haakon for as long as humanly possible. But after the conversation at the

MAY 2022 •

hospital with Doctor Blanchard, who coolly insisted on a list of all sexual contacts Haakon may have had since he contracted HIV, Michel resigned himself to his death. Why fight on? Why struggle? What for? To see Haakon get sick? To see him develop sarcomas? Get pneumonia? Never-ending diarrhea? Skin feeling like parchment? To feel pain in every part of his body? No, Michel was done. He wouldn’t witness a death he had caused, not Haakon’s death. He couldn’t. That was the day Michel stopped fighting his AIDS. By the end of the month, he felt so bad that the hospital demanded to readmit him. But Michel had no trust left, and despite Doctor Blanchard’s insistence, he refused to go back. Haakon supported him, knowing that Michel was too stubborn to give in. Michel felt miserable putting Haakon through the extra pressure of caring for someone as sick as he was. Yet Haakon never complained, not once. The man was a miracle, and he was his. Michel had killed him, even though

the bullet would reach its target months or years after he himself had passed away, his corpse rotting somewhere in an anonymous grave. For the first time in his life, Michel had something he truly cherished, someone he’d have given his life to save, and instead, he’d take Haakon with him. There was just no way he could live with that. He wouldn’t have to for very long. The guilt ate away at his soul as fast as the virus ravaged his body.”

the AIDS activist project Faces from the frontlines of the fight against AIDS

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25 years in the making, over 60 portraits of the people who stood up and fought the AIDS Crisis. Find out more & purchase your copy at www.theaidsactivistproject.org

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INTERSECTIONALITY Seven Artists Use Their Art and Activism to Explore the Intersectionality of HIV and Other (Newer) Crises by Alina Oswald

became aware of the term intersectionality, as related to HIV and AIDS, years ago, when interviewing artist and activist Avram Finkelstein [A&U, January 2017]. He would talk about the importance of looking at the ongoing HIV crisis through the lens of intersectionality.

Perhaps nowadays the term “intersectionality” resonates with many of us even more so, not only as an idea, but rather as a reality, or at least an intrinsic component of our reality defined by pre-existing crises (such as HIV and poverty) and more recent crises (such as COVID and the ongoing war in Ukraine). But what is really intersectionality, in particular related to HIV and AIDS, and why does it matter? Curios, I asked a few artists and they answered in the best way they could, through their art. Here’s what they say: Lester Blum – New York City award-winning photographer covering social issues surrounding HIV and AIDS and human isolation, and author of several books, including Through the Eyes of a PFC 19421945, and, the most recent, The Spirit of Ruchel Leah. www.lesterblumphotography.com Intersectionality is the acknowledgement that each individual has experienced their unique form of discrimination and oppression. This discrimination whether related to gender, race, disease, sexual orientation or physical or mental disabilities serves to marginalize people. Often there are multiple causes for this discrimination which while

non-related, integrate and compound to cause the isolation. Over the years and in collaboration with artist Vladimir Rios, we have worked on several photography projects that emphasize inequalities prevalent in the world, inequalities that include the ongoing HIV crisis: Warrior of Hope focuses on justice and individual rights, with a mythical persona who rises from the milieu to lead the way. I Still Remember illustrates the stigma attached to HIV, the denial of human rights, and an advocacy for equality and HIV awareness. And Invisible is a multi-layer visual documentary that looks at how society regards certain individuals as ‘invisible’ thus further marginalizing them. It is time for everyone to be treated equally, and the first step, as a society, is to raise the veil of ignorance. Knowledge will make us rise up above the sea of despair. The time is now for true leaders to lead us out of oppression. Steve Cummings – New Jersey visual artist whose vibrant paintings are oftentimes populated by “outsiders and misfits of American life throughout the twentieth and twenty-first centuries" www.s-cummingsart.com/ Much of my imagery concentrates on candid moments in the lives of my self-created LGBTQ+ characters. I enjoy capturing some of the joys and freedoms and comradeship that those in our community were able to experience—even before the Civil Rights movement, Gay Liberation, and AIDS. My characters (my people) smile as they embrace each other, but their eyes reflect an innate loneliness and hard-earned experience as they navigate through the world with those they love. I see

Vintage Beefcakes #5 by Steve Cummings, digital art

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parallels between the early 1980s AIDS era and what we’ve collectively experienced for the past two years—in essence, a profound sense of loss as we bear witness to people succumbing too young to plague. There’s an awkward and almost desperate attempt at human contact in the body language of many of my characters [who're] laughing through tears through desperate times.

“My photographic portraits are a celebration of LGBTQ+ Pride, racial diversity, trans liberation, and otherness. Stylistically, I work in the tradition of Robert Mapplethorpe and while studying photography at Columbia College, Chicago, and acquiring my MFA from California State University, Fullerton, I have continued to prefer working with classic black-and-white photography.

Kurt Weston—California award-winning fine-art photographer and long-term AIDS survivor and activist, featured nationally and internationally, best known for his blackand-white photography, in particular his black-and-white portraits and self-portraits www.kurtweston.com

My black-and-white prints record, preserve, and share the stories of individuals participating in Pride Marches, [those] living alternative lifestyles [or] on the margins of society. And now, more than ever, it is important to preserve their stories, as they are threatened to be extinguished [in certain parts of the country.]

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Ron B.—actor, HIV and AIDS, and LGBTQ+ advocate, and celebrity host of the award-winning show, No Boundaries Up Close and Personal www.facebook.com/ron.balaguer.90 “For twenty-five years and counting, No Boundaries has continued to offer a safe space for artists and activists to have candid conversations about many aspects of life—including equal rights and marriage equality; trans rights; HIV and AIDS; women empowerment; living with depression; and the most recent coronavirus pandemic and the myriad of issues and crises it has brought to light, as well as how to deal with all these issues intrinsic to our everyday lives. “Thinking of the meaning and symbolism of HIV intersectionality reminds me that pandemics—HIV and AIDS, COVID—they do not discriminate. And I think that we need to be able to go back to basics and be aware, because, too often nowadays, many young individuals, in particular, tend to focus only on the virtual world they live in on their screens. And they don’t realize that in the real world we need to keep ourselves safe—to get vaccinated and boosted when it comes to the coronavirus pandemic, and to practice safer sex, when it comes to HIV—because these viruses, they might not affect one person, in particular, but they can affect a family member or a friend. So, having that awareness and safety net is vital. Mario Sostre—New York City mixed-media artist known for his empowering, emboldening collages [A&U, October 2012] www.mariosostre.blogspot.com “My work is inspired by current events, and their imprint on everyday lives. I usually let my artwork do the talking…. We the People captures the intersectionality of HIV, immigration, and COVID. Stop Asian Hate speaks to a facet of some people’s reaction to COVID, and reminds of a similar behavior during the early days of the AIDS crisis. And my latest, The Children, captures the intersectionality of HIV, as seen through ACT-UP activism and the iconic Silence = Death poster, the immigration crisis, and the most recent COVID crisis.” Wolfgang Busch—award-winning filmmaker and LGBTQ+ activist, and CEO of Art From the Heart Films, known for his contributions to and work with the ballroom community www.artfromtheheartny.org When thinking of HIV intersectionality, I think of the HIV and mental crises within the ballroom community, including artistic exploitation, the rejection from family, and homelessness.

Since the beginning of the pandemic in the early 1980s, the ballroom community [has lost ]not only many Icons and Legends

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to HIV and AIDS, [but also] much of its leadership and economy. For that reason, it is important for the society at large to remember the names of those we've lost, and to ensure that their contributions will always be remembered. Throughout the decades of ballroom struggles, it is important to me to help the less fortunate members of the community by donating proceeds from the How Do I Look documentary to the Kevin Omni Burrus Burial Fund, to help pay for funeral expenses. Kevin Omni is a Ballroom Historian and was inducted into the Ballroom Hall of Fame. [Find out more by visiting online at https:// www.howdoilooknyc.org/hivburialfund.html.]

Joe LaMattina—New Jersey visual artist famous for his oftentimes unconventional, rich and colorful work www.joelamattina.com “Thinking of the intersectionality of HIV and other, perhaps newer, crises, makes me think of the hope of receiving good news. Good News is also an art piece I created at the time of COVID testing. It reflects the hope of receiving good news following a test result—be that related to COVID, HIV or other diseases. It captures that moment, that anticipation when we actually confront the news of a test result…with hope.” So, does HIV still matters as a crisis? I guess the answer is a resounding yes. HIV is one of the underlining crises marking today’s society. While it hasn’t been a death sentence for many years and in many parts of the world, HIV can still complicate (and not only from a health and medical perspective) the effects of new, and, quite possibly, future crises. That’s because it seems that HIV is always around, never really going away. Not yet anyway. Alina Oswald, Arts Editor of A&U, is a writer, photographer, and educator based in the New York City area. She’s also the new Arts Editor of Out IN Jersey Magazine. Contact her online at alinaoswald.com.

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ACTOR AND CELEBRITY HOST RON B. TALKS ABOUT HER HERITAGE, CAREER AND ADVOCACY, AND THEIR ROLE IN HER BECOMING AN ALLY OF PEOPLE LIVING WITH HIV AND AIDS Text and Photos by Alina Oswald

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“You had me at Angels in America,” I tell Ron B. when I see her at the Manhattan Neighborhood Network studios, in New York City. She’s on the set, getting ready to tape yet another episode of her award-winning show, No Boundaries Up Close and Personal. There’s a gentle, quiet frenzy happening around us, as technical people are setting and adjusting lights and mics. Getting my own camera ready to snap a few shots of the celebrity host, I remind her about the time we met, in 2007.

he was performing at a World AIDS Day event that I was covering. Wearing a black dress and tights, she seemed to be floating around the room, as she was dancing and engaging the audience ever so gently. Her bright hair reminded me of Tina Turner. Following her performance, we got to introduce ourselves. That’s how I found out that she’s a celebrity host, and national celebrity tribute artist (Tina Turner)—hence the outfit and hair—and that she’s also an actor who had appeared in Angels in America [A&U, June 2012], the HBO mini-series. Myself, as an all-time fan of Angels, I knew then and

there that I had to find out more about her. Now, on stage at MNN, Ron B. laughs at the memory. She mentions that she was in this very same studio over twenty-five years ago, when two producers saw her and thought she would be perfect for a role, thus starting her acting career. Ron B. is an LGBTQ+, and HIV and AIDS activist, and a transgender, nonbinary SAG-AFTRA actor who oftentimes plays both male and female roles. Over the years, she has appeared in movies and TV series, as well as on Broadway. Ron B. played Teedyuscung (which means “as far as the wood’s edge”), the King of Iroquois, in The War that Made America, a 2006 PBS mini-series about the French and Indian war. She portrayed three characters—Chaka Khan, Celia Cruz, a.k.a. the Queen of Salsa, and Tina Turner, in the Broadway play She Got Away, and also appeared in Shaft, Law & Order; as well as in the iconic Angels in America HBO (remember the funeral scene, when the camera pans over the people inside the church, zooming in on impersonators of celebrities such as Barbra Streisand, Diana Ross, and (Ron B. as) Tina Turner). Tina Turner has inspired Ron B. in many ways. Turner’s life has determined Ron B. to fight back, never give up, and never allow anybody to “break her spirit. In addition, there was a strong physical

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resemblance between the legendary singer and Ron B.’s mother. Known as Ron B. in the entertainment industry as well as among fellow activists, Ron Balaguer was born and raised in New York City. She is an Indigenous, nonbinary actor and activist, with a heritage that one can only read about in history books. Her ancestors came from French Canadian Indigenous tribes who traveled across North America. Her father was Black Foot French Canadian Indigenous, and her mother was Cherokee. Her grandfather settled on the island of Puerto Rico, where he started a pharmaceutical company. A town on the island was named after him. Her great uncle, Joaquin Balaguer, traveled beyond the borders of the North America continent and became the President of the Dominican Republic. He was in power for twenty-six years. Ron B.’s own spirit name relates to the symbolism surrounding the black panther, which, among others, represents femininity, guardian energy, ability to know the dark, and reclaiming one’s power. And looking at Ron B.’s life, as well as at her art and activism work, it makes perfect sense. It is Ron B.’s heritage that has given her the necessary strength and determination to never give up. Ron B. has always known that she was transgender, and, as a child and very young adult, she kept a diary, jotting down all her thoughts about the feelings she was experiencing. One day, her mother found that diary and asked Ron B. about it. And to this day, the celebrity host still remembers the conversation that they had: “She said, ‘is this yours?’ and I said, ‘yes, it’s mine,’” Ron B. recalls, a faint smile on her face…. In the end, it turned out that her mother was very supportive. “She was always the driving force in my life,” the celebrity host comments. “She encouraged me to always follow my dreams.” Today, Ron B. is a member of the Heritage of Pride, where she serves on two committees—the Taskforce and Diversity committees. She’s also the first Native transgender Grand Marshall to walk in the Staten Island Pride, as well as the first out trans, nonbinary SAG-AFTRA member. Over the years, she has received several recognitions for her activism and advocacy work—in 2016, at the New

York City Council Pride Celebration, as well as in 2018, at the Indigenous Womxn & Womxn of Color Summit. And these are only a few, in a very long list of accomplishments. One of her dreams that also came true is her show, No Boundaries Up Close and Personal. “No Boundaries, because there are no boundaries to what you can achieve,” she explains, “and Up Close and Personal, because, throughout my life, I’ve faced obstacles up close and personal.” She adds, “No Boundaries came about because, in my life, many people told me that I couldn’t do…a lot of things, and tried to discourage me, and I wanted to prove them wrong.” The show, now in its second decade, has won several awards—most recently, the 2021 Hometown Media Award by the Foundation of the Alliance for Community. The award certificate mentions “The Best of About Access and Empowerment - Independent Producer.” The show “aims to give voice” not only to members of the LGBTQ+ community in the New York City area, but also to well-known as well as emerging artists and activists from all walks of life and from all over the world. No Boundaries guests include award-winning performer, and HIV and AIDS activist Reverend Yolanda [A&U, March 2019], international LGBTQ+, and HIV and AIDS activist Carlos Idibouo [A&U, November 2017], singer Tara K. [A&U, June 2016], Mister Eagle NYC 2020, and other artists, activists, and allies of the LGBTQ+ as well as of the HIV and AIDS communities. No Boundaries provides a safe space and an opportunity for honest, open, and meaningful conversations about all aspects of life, no matter how unconventional or even uncomfortable they might be. Nothing is off the table or, as the name of the show suggests, there are “no boundaries” to what can be safely and nonjudgmentally discussed. Some episodes focus on equal rights, while others are dedicated to Pride. There are spotlights on women empowerment and women in the arts, as well as interviews with local politicians, and even members of the U.S. military. There are also fun gatherings celebrating Halloween and Ron B.’s birthday, which falls around that time of the year, as well as candid conversations about more serious • MAY 2022

and sensitive aspects of reality, such as living with depression. Ron B. points out that depression and mental illnesses are oftentimes considered taboo conversation topics that make many people uncomfortable. And yet, depression, in particular, affects so many individuals, and oftentimes those living with HIV and AIDS. Ron B., herself, candidly and unapologetically shares her own, personal story about living with and managing depression. “It is important to share my own story,” she comments, “because it makes me stronger.” Other No Boundaries episodes focus on the various aspects of the ongoing HIV and AIDS pandemic. Some conversations share narratives about the time when an HIV-positive diagnosis meant an almost-sure death sentence, while others take a closer look at the modern-day pandemic, U = U, and also PrEP. Some conversations take on the issue of HIV in the SAGE community, while others offer a myriad of personal stories told by those living with the virus as well as their allies. Ron B., herself, is not only a life-long LGBTQ+ activist, but also a passionate ally of those living with HIV and AIDS, always educating herself about the virus, and advocating for individuals living with the virus. Maybe that’s because it is in her nature to be “a mother figure” and always be there for those in need and for the underprivileged. Maybe that’s because she has witnessed, firsthand, the suffering and loss HIV can cause. Or because she has lost people she deeply cared about to the virus. “I remember, my friend, Jason Bain. He was outreach director at Heritage of Pride. It was back in the day, and he was admitted to the hospital,” Ron B. says. “When I went to see him, I had to put on a gown and mask. You had to do that back then.” Her voice trails. Her words linger as she pauses. “After he was released—that time he was released from the hospital—I went with him to his doctor’s visits. And he always had such a great attitude. I never saw him depressed. And, despite his HIV, he never stopped working, and bringing the community together.” She adds, “he passed a few years ago.” Ron B. slowly shakes her head, and then goes on. “And, you know, my niece, who was in her late thirties, passed in 2006. It was Labor Day weekend. She was living with HIV, and she had quadruple bypass surgery. And then one day, she never woke up.” That particular experience indeed brought the entertainer up close and personal with the virus. Losing friends and family members to HIV and AIDS has only inspired Ron B. to do more, and to give back. Over the years, during the holidays, she’d perform on shows for people living with the virus or make appearances at events supporting related nonprofits. She’d visit camps for children who were living with HIV. “There were children of all ages, from toddlers to young teenagers,” she recalls. "Many of them were born with the virus." The experience has helped her better understand the effects of HIV on children, and thus inspired her, even more, to give back to the community, as well as to become an even more passionate and dedicated ally and supporter. Ron B. has continued raising HIV and AIDS awareness by visiting places like the Rivington House, a former HIV and AIDS nursing home in New York City. Some patients were so emaciated that their bodies resembled human skeletons, she recalls. Some could still, if only barely, walk on their own, while others could not. Those who couldn’t walk anymore were placed and tied in their wheelchairs, so that they wouldn’t fall. “There was this woman, maybe in her forties, tied to a chair,” Ron B. recalls. “She couldn’t talk. She had a small chalkboard, and she would write on it. That was the only way she could communicate.” Ron B. goes on, “I was performing, so I couldn’t allow myself to cry, but it took everything that I had not to show it, while I was crying on the inside.” She adds, “the experience has stayed with me ever since. It made me not to take anything for granted.” MAY 2022 •

Throughout the years, Ron B. has continued that meaningful and ongoing conversation about HIV and AIDS. She has continued to remind people, especially the younger generation, of what the virus can do and the suffering it can cause, if left unchecked. She has also talked about the modern-day HIV and AIDS pandemic, “because it is important to keep having that conversation, and thus to raise awareness. Because I think now it’s the time to open our eyes, go back to the basics, and become more aware of what’s happening around us. I think that there’s a complacency surrounding HIV, and that younger individuals think that HIV cannot affect us anymore. But it did! It hit many individuals with such a force that, at first, nobody could make sense of what was going on. And many people have lost their lives because of it. Because a virus—any virus—does not discriminate.” Ron B. notes that something similar has happened with the most recent,

coronavirus, pandemic. She also mentions the several vaccines and medications that scientists have already discovered for this particular virus, and in record time. And yet, people are still dying, refusing to get vaccinated and, hence, oftentimes succumbing to the virus. Drawing parallels between the two pandemics, Ron B. reminds that there is still no vaccine for HIV. There are several medications available that can help individuals live long and healthy lives, but there is no vaccine, no cure for HIV. Not just yet, anyway. Alina Oswald is Managing Editor of A&U. She is a writer, photographer, and educator based in the New York City area. She’s also the new Arts Editor of Out IN Jersey Magazine. Contact her online at alinaoswald.com.

Finding Art & Understanding A Personal Journey by Alina Oswald

s I write this, I realize that today is April 26, the anniversary of the 1986 Chernobyl nuclear disaster. The memory of that event, as well as of the days preceding and following it, is impossible to forget and easy to resurface, especially recently, due to the war still happening in Ukraine. Yet, April, 1986 marks a defining moment in my life, or perhaps a series of defining moments that have helped shape and change my life in the most surprising ways. I was in high school at the time, on spring break, and under increasing pressure to decide what I wanted to do with and in my life. But in 1986, the future, my future, was a mystery to me. I grew up behind the Iron Curtain, in Romania, a small Eastern European country known, among others, for Count Dracula of Transylvania, the “Perfect 10” of Olympic gymnast Nadia Comaneci, and the Revolution of 1989… and, most recently, for the help that ordinary Romanians have given to Ukrainian refugees. I was a shy kid who’d rather spend time with Granny or Mom, go swimming with Dad, or enjoy a quiet moment by myself reading a book, rather than go out to play with other kids. And my shyness didn’t make me popular when I started high

school, not that I cared much. But it made it difficult for me to figure out what exactly I wanted to do for the rest of my life. My mother, an infectious disease doctor, wanted me to follow in my parents’ footsteps and study medicine. That particular April, in 1986, she was visiting her alma mater, attending a conference about (then) a new pandemic. And while I was on spring break at the time, she asked me to join her, at least for a day. And I agreed, because, to me, there was a certain mystery, an anticipation surrounding the event. Mostly, I was excited to spend more time, alone, with Mom, which was something I always loved. I remember that day as sunny and bright; and myself, as weary and slightly intimidated. Yet, I followed my mom inside the building and into a dimly-lit lecture room, which wrapped around the stage. The dean arrived and introduced himself. He’d just returned from France, where there was still much talk about actor Rock Hudson and his death from AIDS-related causes. A detailed presentation followed, which included lots of medical information I couldn’t understand, as well as images showing renderings of a virus called HIV floating through a bright-red bloodstream inside the human body. I found myself fascinated by those images, while, at the same time, wondering how come this tiny virus could cause so much damage, and nobody seemed to know what to do about it. After the presentation, Mom tried to assess my thoughts. “So, what do you think,” she asked. “Interesting,” was the only answer I could come up with, while still pondering upon the experience. She took my hand and decided to show me the dissection labs, while fussing about not being able to find them anymore—apparently, they’d been relocated during the decades following her student years. I, on the other hand, was relieved and suggested getting out of there, instead. Nowadays, when I reminisce about that day, I realize, perhaps more than ever, the value of the information shared within those walls, among those medical scientists, and the responsibility of learning and knowing about it. Before attending that conference, I had never heard of words like “HIV,” “AIDS” or “gay.” They were not words used in a society like the one we were living in at the time, a society that needed to maintain a picture-perfect façade at all costs. Hence, the unwritten rule was to say nothing, not to get oneself or others in trouble. And so, instinctively I knew when to take a hint, and, hence, was sworn to secrecy.

A few days later I caught a ride back home. Mom was to stay behind for a little while longer, and then return home, to spend Easter together. While religious holidays of any kind were not really...shall we say, officially recognized by the government, people would always celebrate, mostly with a lot of additional work—cleaning and decorating the house, grocery shopping, cooking and baking for days on end, • MAY 2022

and gathering with family, friends, and loved ones. And so, during the days heading to that particular Easter holiday, my granny, who was in charge of all things kitchen-related, cooking and baking, sent me to buy fresh vegetables. I guess I wanted to be done with the chore and rushed going to the market. And I remember that my granny fussed, ever so gently, being concerned that the veggies would not be fresh enough for whatever she had to prepare. Like many others, my grandpa, a beekeeper who always explained to me the health benefits of honey, would listen to radio stations we were not supposed to listen to. He’d sit at the kitchen table, with his palm curved around his ear, his head ducked as close to the radio as possible, while cranking up the volume to my granny’s despair that “they’re gonna come for us,” (meaning the authorities). But that’s how he found out that one of the Nordic countries had mentioned something about a nuclear explosion at the Chernobyl nuclear plant in what’s now Ukraine. When he told us about it, we all wondered what had happened, since there was no official mention of it, not on the state TV, not anywhere. It took several days for that to happen. By then, people had spent time outdoors, at family gatherings, because it was spring break after all. By then, the nuclear cloud had already and swiftly spread over most of the European continent, affecting the lives of many, many people. The grass became contaminated, and so did the milk and meat of the cows eating that grass. In turn, the people eating that meat and drinking that milk also became contaminated. Some got sick. At the same time, the number of cancer cases went through the roof, in particular among the very young and the elderly. In the midst of all that was happening, my memory of the AIDS conference took a back seat, until one day, when I got my hands on an issue of Paris Match Magazine. It was printed in French, which surprised me, because, at the time, it was virtually impossible to find such a publication. I don't remember how I found it, but I do remember its cover. It displayed a picture of Rock Hudson looking tired and frail. I opened the magazine to see a two-page spread of the actor—an older, blackand-white image, a Hollywood glamour days portrait of the handsome actor we all could recognize; and a more recent image, in color, showing him aged almost beyond recognition, stricken by the virus and, apparently, during the last stages of the disease. That’s when the AIDS conference came back to my mind and I wondered, yet again, how come a virus so tiny, almost invisible, could cause so much damage, destruction, deterioration, and death. And why nobody seemed to know what to do about it. Fast-forward several years to another time and place, on this side of the Pond. MAY 2022 •

The new millennium found me living in Cambridge, MA. One sunny day, while on my way home, I was strolling through Harvard Square. As I walked by a newsstand, something shiny caught my eye. I stopped and turned to take a closer look, only to find myself staring at a picture of Dolly Parton, with her unmistakable hair, smiling at me from the cover of a magazine. I had no idea what the magazine was about or what Dolly Parton was doing on its cover. Yet, intrigued by its title—it said A&U in bold, bright letters—I decided to buy a copy and take a closer look. Once home, I noticed that the full title was “A&U Magazine—America’s AIDS Magazine.” The word “AIDS” caught my eye and reminded me of the conference that I’d attended with my mom, and took it as a sign. To this day, I explain the feeling as pieces of the universe coming together to tell me that I was to write for this magazine. And so, I studied and read it cover to cover, several times, taking lots of notes. I concluded that my best chance, if any, was to pitch a book review, and studied the Masthead, to figure out who was the best person to query. That’s how I discovered the managing editor’s name, Chael Needle, and decided to go ahead and email him, certain that I would never hear from him. Yet, to my surprise, after a short couple of days, he replied, encouraging me to look for other, more recent books. The first piece that I’ve ever written for A&U—also known as the Art & Understanding Magazine—turned out to be a feature story. I’m still amazed that the managing editor trusted me, a newbie at the time, with such a story. I’m also forever grateful to him for taking a chance on me, and thankful for his patience and advice he’s always shown me over the years. Covering stories for the magazine, I sometimes think about my mom, the dreams she had for me, and how they eventually turned out. And I think she’d say, “this was not the plan,” and smile. Yet, the story does not end here. The rest is not history, rather, it’s history in the making. At least that’s what I believe. Alina Oswald is Managing Editor of A&U. She is a writer, photographer, and educator based in the New York City area. She’s also the new Arts Editor of Out IN Jersey Magazine. Contact her online at alinaoswald.com.

Walk On An AIDS Walk New York retrospective as the fundraising event returns to Central Park by Alina Oswald

Every spring, tens of thousands of people from all walks of life, from across the country and around the world, gather together in Central Park, New York City, and participate in the AIDS Walk New York event, to help end the pandemic. The event might resonate with the music and lyrics of the song “You’ll Never Walk Alone,” performed each year at the opening ceremony, usually by a Broadway actor; or perhaps it brings back the memory of AIDS Walks from bygone years, or faces printed on the AIDS Quilt panels or on walkers’ t-shirts, in memory of loved ones lost to the pandemic.

• MAY 2022

Whoopi Goldberg at AIDS Walk MAY 2022 •

ounded by Craig Miller and organized by the Gay Men Health Crisis, AIDS Walk New York is nowadays the largest walkathon and fundraising event in the world. While primarily benefiting GMHC, it also shares its proceeds with other HIV and AIDS service organizations. The first AIDS Walk New York took place in 1986, in response to the “anguish” that many gay men living in the city felt, as they were “besieged,” confined to their homes by then a new and deadly virus. The first event brought together six thousand participants. They completed the route, which, at the time, started and ended at Lincoln Center, and raised more than $700,000 in the process. Entertainers and (then) New York City Mayor, Ed Koch, were present at the event. Singer-songwriter and AIDS activist Michael Callen introduced the song, “Love Don’t Need a Reason,” which he continued to perform at AIDS Walk events until 1994, when he died from complications of AIDS. Over the years, AIDS Walk New York has attracted more and more people—ordinary people, activists, artists, politicians, and celebrities, alike. Some of the VIPs who have been spotted at the opening ceremony include Harvey Feinstein, Whoopi Goldberg, Alan Cumming [A&U, May, 2018], Cindy Lauper, Naomi Watts, T.R. Knight, B.D. Wang, Ted Allen [A&U, July 2020], and also Tyne Daly and the late Terrence McNally, [A&U, May 2014]; as well as politicians like the former New York City Mayor Bill DeBlasio; also AWNY founder Craig Miller; and many others. In 1987, the number of participants and the money that they raised doubled, and then have continued to increase, year after year. For example, in 1992, despite the rain, the event brought in some twenty thousand participants. In 1998, thirty-eight thousand walkers helped raise four million dollars. By 2000, AIDS Walk New York began to gather an average of thirty thousand participants and raise around four million dollars, each year.

Kelsey Louie

CraigMiller

• MAY 2022

In 2020, when the recent, coronavirus, pandemic brought the city and the world to a halt, GMHC “showed that responding to a new ‘Health Crisis’ was not only a matter of past heroism, but also of current capability and urgency.” Hence, the organization helped deliver meals and helped those who were isolated, quarantining in their homes. At the same time, the AIDS Walk New York went virtual and became a bi-coastal, star-studded online event. Last year, the second year of the coronavirus pandemic, AIDS Walk New York 2021 took place online, and "Live at Home." This year, on May 15, walkers have the chance to again meet in person, in Central Park, rain or shine. They have a chance to “walk on” together to “End AIDS. Live Life. Make AIDS History.” To learn more or to live stream the event, connect online at ny.aidswalk.net. Alina Oswald is Managing Editor of A&U. She is a writer, photographer, and educator based in the New York City area. She’s also the new Arts Editor of Out IN Jersey Magazine. Contact her online at alinaoswald.com.

Bill de Blasio MAY 2022 •

BO OKS BOOKS Michel: Fallen Angel of Paris by Hans Hirschi

Beaten Track Publishing

ver the years, the HIV and AIDS pandemic has touched tens of millions of lives, leaving in its wake tremendous loss and suffering, hope and stubborn resilience, as well as stories—individual and collective stories that have captured the ongoing pandemic, thus, recording its history. Hans M. Hirschi’s new book is such a story. In Michel: Fallen Angel of Paris, the author takes on the subject of HIV intersectionality [see this month’s Gallery article] and examines it through the lens of ongoing and new crises, as well as through the lens of history. Released on April 30, 2022, Michel is based on a character from a previous novel, The Fallen Angels of Karnataka [A&U, February 2015]. The author includes enough back story, so that, while the two narratives intertwine, Michel can be read as a stand-alone novel. Michel, the character, appeared in Hirschi’s previous book “in the wrong place and way too early, and so, he had to go,” the author explains. “The scene where he passes away is, to this day, my favorite scene of everything I’ve written,” he adds. It’s impossible to read that particular passage without tearing up. Yet, while Michel, the character, had to go, its (his) ghost has continued to linger around. “Michel, never really let go of me,” Hirschi says, pondering. “And so, in 2020 just before the pandemic hit—and I’m not talking about the HIV one, I’m talking about COVID—I started writing Michel’s story, because I was curious about his upbringing. I had a little bit of a back story [about Michel] from his [brief] interactions and conversations with Haakon, the main character of The Fallen Angels of Karnataka, but it wasn’t flashed out,” Hirschi says, explaining that he was curious about what was missed from Michel’s life. “And you know, I always say that, as a reader, in The Fallen Angels of Karnataka you learn about how Michel died. In Michel: Fallen Angel of Paris, you learn how he lived.” Hirschi’s new book tells a coming-ofage story set in the eighties, a time the author refers to as a dark, if not "probably the darkest time for the LGBTQ+ community.” It is a heartfelt and heartbreaking story about love and loss, about unlikely friendships that cross time-and-space boundaries, about compassion, acceptance, redemption, and also hope. “The story of Michel is not ‘just’ about HIV and AIDS,” Hirschi writes in his note introducing his book. “It’s also the story of an entire generation, and a very special time for Christopher’s kind. What sort of lives did we lead back then, before the internet, before iPhones? What did we do? What happened to us? We loved, worked, studied, played; we listened to music, watched movies, and yes, [sought] intimacy in

brief physical encounters. Far too often, we would also get hurt by people who knew we couldn’t cry for help, people who knew we would find no sympathy if we did.” In so many ways, Michel: Fallen Angel of Paris tells a collective story of a time not long ago and a crisis still left unsolved. Through its characters—Michel and Haakon—it brings to life not only the dark, harsh reality defining those first years of the HIV and AIDS crisis, but also a collective relationship defining that time. It is a kind of relationship that, sadly, only very few individuals were lucky enough to have. “Only very few had a Haakon to look after us in the end, [to] love us unconditionally,” Hirschi writes. “Many of us loved a Michel, and we all have lost a Michel, time and time again.” Hans M. Hirschi's novel stands out for many reasons: exquisite writing, powerful narrative, and memorable characters, to mention only a few. What makes Michel: Fallen Angel of Paris a book impossible to put down, in particular, is the remarkable story that it tells—heartfelt, riveting, and awe-inspiring, an unforgettable story that shows that in spite of all crises (ongoing, as well as new) there is still reason for hope. Find out more about Hans M. Hirschi by visiting online at www.hirschi.se. Learn more about Beaten Track Publishing at www.beatentrackpublishing.com/ Alina Oswald is Managing Editor of A&U. She is a writer, photographer, and educator based in the New York City area. She’s also the new Arts Editor of Out IN Jersey Magazine. Contact her online at alinaoswald.com. • MAY 2022

Brian had his HIV under control with medication. But smoking with HIV caused him to have serious health problems, including a stroke, a blood clot in his lungs and surgery on an artery in his neck. Smoking makes living with HIV much worse. You can quit.

CALL 1-800-QUIT-NOW.

#CDCTips

HIV alone didn’t cause the clogged artery in my neck. Smoking with HIV did. Brian, age 45, California

TWO WAYS TREATMENT CAN HELP STOP HIV.

Starting HIV treatment as soon as possible and sticking with it every day helps you get to and stay undetectable. That means there is so little virus in the blood that a test can’t measure it. And that’s a good thing, because:

BEING UNDETECTABLE HELPS STOP THE DAMAGE HIV CAUSES.

CURRENT RESEARCH SHOWS GETTING TO AND STAYING UNDETECTABLE PREVENTS THE SPREAD OF HIV THROUGH SEX.

There’s no cure for HIV, but if you stick with treatment, you can protect yourself and the people you care about. Talk to a healthcare provider and watch It’s Called Treatment as Prevention at YouTube.com/HelpStopTheVirus