A&U December 2021

art & understanding for 30 years

Drama by

Lee Raines, Ebony Payne-English & Alfredo Trejo III Jessica Lacher-Feldman on Up Against the Wall: Art, Activism and the AIDS Poster Janne Puustinen Harry Breaux

A&U Turns 30!

donja r.

LOVE

Wants Playwrights Living with HIV to Write It Out!

DECEMBER 2021 | ISSUE 326

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Contents

December

2021

12

RUBY'S RAP

Actor Janne Puustinen raps with Ruby Comer About AIDS in Finland

COVER STORY

28

A&U's Chip Alfred Talks to Donja R. Love About Bringing Positive-Centric Portrayals to the Stage

18

Advocates Help Celebrate Thirty Years of A&U by Looking Back & Looking Forward

FEATURES

GALLERY

34 Write It Out! Introduction

35 Drama The Glorious Struggle of the Charismatic Hero by Ebony Payne-English 38 Drama Blood Spill by Lee Raines 41 Drama Five Years by Alfredo Trejo III

DEPARTMENTS 4 Frontdesk 6 Digital Footprints 10 NewsBreak

cover photo by Francis Hills

viewfinder 8 16

Bright Lights, Small City Second Acts

22

A New Book Showcases the University of Rochester's AIDS Education Posters Collection

lifeguide

42 Lifeguide In Brief 44 The Culture of AIDS 47 Lifelines 48 Tribute: Jeannie Wraight

Frontdesk From the Editor

Reelin' in the Years

D

ynamite! Art & Understanding Magazine is thirty years old. Thirty, I can’t believe it. And we are still in the fight.

Ten years after the first cases were reported in The New York Times in 1981, Art & Understanding was launched as a creative, literary, artistic, and cultural form of AIDS activism. In other words, a different kind of response to the AIDS crisis. Thirty years ago, my friend Richard Redlo helped give birth to the magazine in the living room of his Albany, New York, apartment.

He suggested that I go to Linda Glassman, the then Executive Director of the AIDS Council of Northeastern New York (now the Alliance for Positive Health). She took it on, sight unseen.

It was simply an idea but that idea soon had a page count. The first two issues of the magazine, printed on newsprint, were included as a special supplement to the Capital Region’s alternative newspaper, Metroland.

Art & Understanding went independent and shortly became a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization.

Since its humble beginnings Art & Understanding has always featured the heavyweights of the literary and artistic worlds, advocates who rose to the occasion as the arts communities were being devastated by AIDS. Pulitzer and other prize-winning poets, such as Gwendolyn Brooks and John Ashbery, Maya Angelou and Tony Kushner, Edmund White and Sapphire. As well as blue chip artists Judy Chicago, Ross Bleckner, and Frank Moore (who sadly succumbed to AIDS in the early years of the epidemic). Art & Understanding wasn’t always about being in mourning or sadness; we’ve featured such comedians so as Margaret Cho, Sandra Bernhard, Lea Delaria, Helen Hunt, Roseanne. Let’s not forget Nell Carter, Joan Rivers, or Phyllis Diller. Country stars Reba McEntire, Dolly Parton. Pop stars Gloria Estefan, Cyndi Lauper, Diana Ross, Janet Jackson, Annie Lennox, Gloria Gaynor, and Patti Smith. Icons like Iman, RuPaul, Naomi Campbell, and Sheryl Lee Ralph. Movers and shakers like Dame Elizabeth Taylor, Dr. Mathilde Krim, Mary Fisher, (then-Senator) Hillary Clinton, Richard Gephardt, Sandra Thurman, Barney Frank, Peter Staley, Sarah Schulman, Duane Cramer, Mondo Guerra, and so many others. I could go on forever.

What strikes me——and what A&U has showcased over the years——is that when an artistic voice merges with an activist voice, advocacy is amplified in a magical way. That’s why we are pleased to feature one of the leading change agents of the HIV/AIDS community: Donja R. Love. Editor At Large Chip Alfred interviewed the playwright , filmmaker and advocate living with

HIV, who takes his obligation to pay it forward seriously: “What I would love to create is a miniseries that holds space for the history of Black people living with HIV over the years in a really beautiful way. I realize now that my story and my life and my purpose is directly linked to service. I want to create spaces for individuals in my community who don’t get to see themselves reflected so that they can share their authentic selves.”

With stunning photographs by Francis Hills, our cover story shows the power of intertwining the arts and advocacy.

And check out plays and play excerpts from Love’s workshop for playwrights living with HIV: the works by Ebony Payne-English, Lee Raines, and Alfredo Trejo III are sure to engage and educate.

Representation is at the forefront of our feature that marks our thirty years of publication, “Looking Back, Looking Forward,” by Managing Editor Chael Needle.

We asked advocates that we have featured in the past to weigh in about what we have achieved as HIV/AIDS activists and what remains to be done. And advocate Harry Breaux reminds us in his Second Acts column that we also need to time to reflect on those we have lost and process the feelings without stopping living ourselves. A challenging task, to be sure.

Our Gallery also spotlights the importance of messaging to help create change for the better. Chael Needle interviews Jessica Lacher-Feldman, one of the editors of a new book, Up Against the Wall: Art, Activism and the AIDS Poster, which delves into the University of Rochester’s AIDS Education Posters Collection to underscore the diversity of responses to the pandemic and illuminate how context melds with message.

Looking back, I had no idea how the magazine would evolve over time, but we took our lead from the needs of people living with HIV/AIDS. We have had our triumphs, but we also have had our stumbles. Thirty years of A&U——a long run, and we’re still running. My one hope is that our readers have taken (and continue to take) sustenance from us, some art, some understanding.

DAVID WAGGONER

AMERICA’S AIDS MAGAZINE issue 326 vol. 30 no. 12 December 2021 editorial offices: (518) 205-5024 Editor in Chief & Publisher David Waggoner Managing Editor: Chael Needle Senior Editors: Dann Dulin, Hank Trout Editor at Large: Chip Alfred Special Projects Editor: Lester Strong Arts Editor: Alina Oswald Fiction Editor: Raymond Luczak; Nonfiction Editor: Jay Vithalani; Drama Editor: Bruce Ward; Poetry Editor: Philip F. Clark; Copy Editor: Maureen Hunter Contributing Editors: Reed Massengill, Kelly McQuain, Lesléa Newman, Robert E. Penn, Nick Steele Contributing Writers: Ruby Comer, Alacias Enger, Claire Gasamagera, John Francis Leonard, Corey Saucier Art Director: Timothy J. Haines Contributing Photographers: Davidd Batalon, Tom Bianchi, Holly Clark, Stephen Churchill Downes, Greg Gorman, Francis Hills, Tom McGovern, Annie Tritt, Tommy Wu National Advertising Director: Harold Burdick, Jr. Sales & Marketing: David L. Bonitatibus Advertising Sales Office: (518) 992-2232 National Advertising Representative: Rivendell Media (212) 242-6863 Subscription Info: (518) 992-2232 Circulation Manager: Robert Schelepanow Bookkeeper: Richard Garcia Board of Directors President: David Waggoner Vice President: Harold Burdick, Jr. Secretary: Richard Garcia Founding Board Members: Mark S. Labrecque, 1961–1992, Christopher Hewitt, 1946–2004, Mark Galbraith, 1962–2011

In Memoriam: Bill Jacobson, 1939–2005 Rhomylly B. Forbes, 1963–2011 • Chris Companik, 1957–2012 • Nancy Ellegate, 1959–2015 • Patricia Nell Warren 1936–2019 • Jeannie Wraight 1968–2021 A&U (ISSN 1074-0872) is published by Art & Understanding, Inc., 4 Hall Street, Hoosick Falls, NY 12090, USA. For A&U advertising information please call 518-992-2232; for subscriptions and address changes please call 518-992-2232; for letters to the editor and unsolicited manuscripts write A&U Magazine, 4 Hall Street, Hoosick Falls, New York 12090; or e-mail: mailbox@aumag. org. All unsolicited manuscripts that do not have a S.A.S.E. cannot be returned and will not be acknowledged. ©2021 Art & Understanding, Inc. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. A&U may not be reproduced in any manner, either in whole or in part, without written permission of the publisher. A&U and the graphic representations thereof are the registered trademarks of Art & Understanding, Inc., a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization. Individual Subscription rates: $24.95 (12 issues). Institutional rates: $80.00 (12 issues). For subscriptions outside the USA and possessions, $30.95/Canada, $49.95/international, payable in advance in U.S. currency. First North American serial rights revert to contributors upon publication. A&U retains the right to anthologize work in further issues, as well as in microform or reprinting on the Internet within the context of each issue. Statements of writers, artists and advertisers are not necessarily those of the publisher. Readers note: subjects and contributors to A&U are both HIV-positive and HIV-negative. In the absence of a specific statement herein concerning the serostatus of any individual mentioned in, or contributing material to, this publication, no inference is made with respect thereto and none should be implied. Letters written to A&U or its contributors are assumed intended for publication. Art & Understanding, Inc. assumes no responsibility or liability for unsolicited submissions and does not guarantee the return thereof.

PostMaster: Please send address corrections to A&U Magazine, 4 Hall Street, Hoosick Falls, NY 12090 USA

Printed in USA • Visit our Web site at www.aumag.org

Digital Digital D ig igi git ita taal Footprints Fo Footprints ootpprint in nts ts mosttweeted Chael Needle’s interview with Phyllis Christopher about her new photography book, Dark Room, engaged fans, old and new. art & understanding for 30 years

Phyllis Christopher Tracy L. Johnson, Jr. Black Women’s Health Imperative

mostloved

Fiction by

Robert Cataldo

Poetry by

Lynn Caldwell & Scott Hightower

A&U’s 20th Annual Holiday Gift Guide

richard l.

ZALDIVAR

Celebrates The Wall Las Memorias Project and Its Dedication to Latinx, LGBTQ+ & Other Underserved Communities

Tommy Wu photographed Richard L. Zaldivar at The Wall Las Memorias Monument and captured the sadness of loss and the joy of helping others so beautifully rendered in cover story by Hank Trout.

NOVEMBER 2021 | ISSUE 325

Photo by Tommy Wu

mostshared A&U’s 20th Annual Holiday Gift Guide, featuring ways to help HIV-focused nonprofits, proved popular with readers prepping for the season of giving.

@AmericasAIDSMagazine

6

@au_magazine

@au_americas_aids_magazine • DECEMBER 2021

BRIGHT LIGHTS, SMALL CITY

by John Francis Leonard

viewfinder

PRECIOUS METTLE

Or, What I Have Learned on the Eve of My 52nd Birthday

I

don’t sugarcoat it; I had a very dysfunctional, often abusive childhood. I don’t remember my father——I was too young when he died——and my mother’s first husband raised me for the first fifteen years of my life. When I say raised, I’m being generous; he was my abuser and the ringleader of the dysfunctional circus in which I grew up. I’m certainly not unique in that and it’s not something, at fifty-two years-old, that I dwell on or let dictate how I conduct my life now, but that’s still a fairly recent development and frame of mind that has been hard-won. Much therapy by brilliant and generous professionals has gotten me there, but there’s one important conclusion I’ve come to on my own, and that’s the fact that often when you are raised in such an environment, you don’t really grow up, not fully. That’s true for me at least, and not to repeat myself, but I don’t feel I’m unique in that. I try to remember that whenever life’s challenges arise.

The most damaging manifestation of that childhood, but one that taught me so much, was a long, at times disappointing quest to find the father figure I never had. It’s still with me at times, but, when I indulge it, it just doesn’t work, at least not in any healthy way.

I’ve had three serious relationships in my life. The first was my great love, my only love. But unfortunately he and I each were just too damaged to make a functional couple. It was doomed from its start, but I wouldn’t now wish that things would have gone any differently. “Je ne regret rien,” as Piaf would sing. I learned as much about what wouldn’t work for me as I could at the time. My next two serious relationships were more financial and social alliances than anything, but these two men are friends to this day. We don’t speak often, but I know that if I needed anything, they would be there for me, as I would for them. They were each generous men, not just financially, but in giving me the two key opportunities that led to a successful career. I’ll forever be in their debt.

Fueled by a lot of drugs and lots of cash, I led a frantic search to find something that would fill, or just numb, a wounded heart. I lived life on the surface, appearance was everything, but those closest to me and occasionally a kind and perceptive stranger would see right through my ruse and either give me pause, or send me fleeing in the other direction. I sent countless others fleeing with my nonsense, I must admit. There were many men who approached because of my looks and body who thought twice and abjured when in close range.

Suffice it to say, I conducted myself in ways of which I’m not proud. As well as a keen mind, I’ve been blessed with a thorough emotional intelligence. Not knowing anything better, I used it to manipulate and get what I desired, largely the pecuniary. I’m not proud of that, but again, I knew no better at the time.

I had moments of clarity along the way. When my partner at one time and subsequently myself, received

8

an HIV diagnosis, I took it in stride. He had completely shut down at the news, and there was no time for me to fall apart.

I’ve never resented that; it kept me together and allowed me to deal with my own diagnosis with practicality and not a little of my usual fatalism. Over the years, it’s brought many changes to my life, but, through all my crises, all my drama and messiness, I’ve dealt with that aspect of my life and health with practicality and pragmatism. Lately that’s been more of a challenge as health complications arise, but I continue on.

After several years of what I can only describe as a series of nervous and emotional breakdowns fueled by my dependence on prescription drugs, I slowly rebuilt my life. It wasn’t a quick process, and I stumbled along the way and continue to consider myself a work in progress. I can say with certainty, however, that weeks away from my fifty-second birthday, I can describe myself, proudly, as a grownup. My actions are ruled by empathy and kindness, not how much I can gain.

My means are far more modest, but they’re hard-won and mine alone. I enjoy meeting with, and interacting meaningfully with, people of all backgrounds and personalities and my part-time position with an incredible organization gives me that opportunity often and allows me further opportunity for growth. I am surrounded by friends who support me and love me for my character, not the carefully curated image I present to the world. It keeps me grounded and sane.

Now, more than ever, I find myself challenged by life. I’m a happy man, mind you. I’ve effected some real personal changes: losing eighty pounds and gradually getting into something approaching the best physical shape of my life through diet and exercise.

I’m living successfully with HIV, but, as it has a way of doing, there seem to be long-term effects that I hadn’t thought of and wasn’t told much about. Under treatment for rapidly worsening tremors and sometimes debilitating pain in my left leg, with some success, my neurologist discovered heavy scarring in the rear of my brain from blood clots. What this portends exactly is not known yet. I’m undergoing yet more testing to determine its source. It’s really done a number on my memory and that, coupled with family issues, has been a challenge to say the least.

Like so many families, a member of mine is dealing with Alzheimer’s. My mother was diagnosed a year and a half ago, and it was hardly a surprise to any of us.

She had been struggling for some time. The symptoms have become worse, with episodes of paranoia and confusion, meltdowns of a kind. I’m doing my best to

provide her with the support she needs and, in turn, my father and younger brother. My father welcomes and needs the support; my brother has met me with some hostility and his own agenda. I don’t take it too personally; he is struggling with our mother’s decline and, like many men, is frustrated because he can’t fix it. In a recent debate about her care, a debate in which I took the time to really listen and consider his point of view, he accused me of having a superiority complex. I felt attacked, but I let it go because, as the great thinker Harry Petsanis advises so many, the opinion of others shouldn’t dictate one’s sense of self. If my brother is made insecure by someone with confidence and surety of mind, that’s on him. I can’t control that. Just as he had a special closeness to his father, the man who raised us both, I share a special bond with my mother.

She loves him every bit as much, just differently at times. That familial dynamic is at play here and it’s been difficult to navigate. A main sticking point is his stubborn insistence that she needs a caregiver, something she is not ready to accept; I’m trying to start the introduction of some outside support, but am met with resistance by my mother to that as well, but I’ve almost gotten her there. I’m the one person to whom she will listen, but a caregiver is not something she will agree to. Eventually, I will become more and more involved in her care and I’m ready for that day.

But through all this, I’m good. I’ve had my moments, mind you, but good friends and a deep faith get me through. Losing one’s parent is a part of life’s journey, and we all face it eventually. I believe there is a lesson in everything if we only choose to see it and more than any time in my life my vision is clear and my purpose certain. I am not perfect; I learn to do a bit better each day. That opportunity to do it yet another day is a blessing in itself. I am many things, but most importantly I’m happy, despite all that I’m navigating right now. I can finally call myself a man, call myself a grownup.

John Francis Leonard is an advocate and writer, as well as a voracious reader of literature, which helps to feed his love of the English language. He has been living with HIV for fifteen years. His fiction has been published in the ImageOutWrite literary journal and he is a literary critic for Lambda Literary. Follow him on Twitter @ JohnFrancisleo2.

• DECEMBER 2021

Without health justice, we cannot end the HIV epidemic.

Show your support at sfaf.org/shop

NewsBreak

Being Seen Podcast announces season 3, new host

T

his fall, ViiV Healthcare and creative entertainments studio Harley & Co. announced the third season of the award-winning podcast series Being Seen.

Reflecting ViiV Healthcare’s longstanding commitment to women——as a company led by women and committed to fueling research and community-led HIV resources for women——the third season of the podcast [A&U, August 2020; July 2021] emphasizes the stories of Black women and femmes, in order to prioritize mainstream media and entertainment narratives that actively seek to reduce stigma and bias. The series premiered on Tuesday, October 26, on all podcast platforms, and via www.beingseenpodcast.com, and will be hosted by Tony Award-winning actress and singer Anika Noni Rose.

“Black women and femmes in America have the experience of living under the oppression of both sexism and racism. This has impacted us in so many ways including our health, our safety, our access to power, our relationship to desire and more. We see this play out in Black maternal health disparities, violence against Black trans women and the unacceptable ways in which Black women bear the burden of HIV. As an actress I know first-hand the power of using mainstream media and entertain-

ment to drive change——the people who create the stories, the way they are constructed and who gets to tell them can make a life-or-death difference. That is what we are talking about on this season of Being Seen and that’s what we need to change,” host Anika Noni Rose said in a prepared statement.

The third season showcases leading Black female voices within the community, featuring guests including Taraji P. Henson, Ledisi, Dominique Jackson, Roxane Gay and more. The new season’s range of important themes and discussions include Power, Desire, Responsibility, Laughter, and Health.

At its core, Being Seen will show how self-definition

and representation are crucial to reducing stigma and erasing dangerous stereotypes, especially with regards to HIV. “Black women… have defined, imagined and built many of the best parts of America. We have an obligation to honor their stories, to archive them, and to put them at the center of the conversation.

We are so excited to be able to do some of that work in Being Seen Season 3,” said Sarah Hall, Harley & Co. Founder and Partner.

For more information about Being Seen, go to https://www.beingseenpodcast.com/.

The reading was free to view, but donations to amfAR were encouraged. All donations made will support amfAR’s lifesaving HIV research. The reading was styled and co-executive produced by Jared Eng. In addition to styling the cast for the reading, Dolce & Gabbana will also serve as the lead sponsor and match

every gift made to amfAR up to $15,000. The reading is now posted on Acting for a Cause’s website, YouTube channel, and amfAR’s Tiltify page.

“No industry has been left unscathed by the COVID-19 pandemic, but the theater and the nonprofit sector have been particularly hard hit,” said amfAR

acting for a cause: The Great Gatsby reading benefited amfAR

O

n Friday, November 19, 2021, Acting for A Cause, the live read series created by producer/director Brando Crawford, aired its first in-person live read session of F. Scott Fitzgerald’s masterpiece The Great Gatsby, starring Kaia Gerber (American Horror Story: Double Feature), Mason Gooding (Booksmart; Scream), Josephine Langford (After; After We Collided), Jake Picking (Hollywood) and Nat Wolff (Mainstream; Home Again). The reading also featured actors Owen Thiele, Rivkah Reyes, Ty Molbak, and Kahyun Kim. Cinematographers Christopher Ripley and Patrick Ouziel and associate producers Ty Molbak and Joe Blakey collaborated with Brando to film this reading in the style of The Hollywood Reporter’s Actors Roundtable.

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• DECEMBER 2021

Chief Development Officer, Kyle Clifford, in a prepared release. “amfAR has long enjoyed the generous support of the theater community and we are delighted to team up with Acting for a Cause to help celebrate their inspiring work and to introduce a new audience to amfAR’s lifesaving HIV/AIDS research.”

The Acting for a Cause reading series is a direct response to the COVID-19 pandemic and launched Brando Crawford’s career as a director and producer.

Each Acting for a Cause performance is a live-read series of classic plays and screenplays created, produced, directed, and hosted by Brando Crawford.

Each reading raises money for charity. The readings garnered over 500,000 viewers between the first play read on March 27, 2020 and the last announced read on July 31, 2020. amfAR, The Foundation for AIDS Research, is one of the world’s leading nonprofit organizations dedicated to the support of AIDS research, HIV prevention, treatment education, and advocacy. Since 1985, amfAR has invested nearly $600 million in its programs and has awarded more than 3,500 grants to research teams worldwide.

Donations for this reading can be made at https://www.actingforacause.org to benefit amfAR. To view the reading, https://tiltify. com/@amfar-streaming/afc-gatsby.

hiv legal network scores a victory in russia

photo by Jared Eng Studios

T

he HIV Legal Network (Réseau Juridique VIH) (HLN) has fought for nearly thirty years for the human rights of people living with or affected by HIV who also use drugs in Canada and beyond. Since 2003, the organization has challenged injustice in the countries of Eastern Europe and Central Asia (EECA), where people who use drugs are routinely denied basic healthcare and harm reduction services. There are currently more than a million people living with HIV in the EECA region. They are routinely targeted by police and subjected to torture. Parents face losing custody of their children. Without access to harm reduction services, the number of HIV cases linked to injection drug use continues to grow.

HLN recently produced Human Rights Imperative: The HIV Legal Network in Eastern Europe and Central Asia, summarizing the critical work they do in the EECA region, a region that continues to suffer high rates of HIV transmission because human rights are not prioritized in the DECEMBER 2021 •

Back row (left to right): Kayhun Kim, Owen Thiele, Jake Picking, Nat Wolff, Mason Gooding, Ty Molbak, and Rivkah Reves. Front row (left to right): Kaia Gerber, Brando Crawford, Josephine Langford

region. The organization recently scored a victory for Y.I., a Russian woman living with HIV who also uses drugs. Because harm reduction sites are so rare in Russian, Y.I. had no access to treatment.

She lost custody of her children, despite the lack of any evidence of mistreatment or neglect of them. HLN, along with the Andrei Rylkov Foundation, supported Y.I. in taking her case to

the European Court of Human Rights, arguing that taking her children away from her was not in the best interests of the children and constituted a violation of her human rights. HLN established that her children had always been properly cared for and were in no way neglected, an accusation often unfairly levied against people who use drugs. Russian authorities finally implemented the Judgment of the European Court and restored Y.I.’s parental rights. The Network considers this victory a vindication of the rights of people who use drugs in Russia, finally affirming that they should not be judged unfit to parent solely because of their drug use.

The HIV Legal Network points out that although Y.I.’s case was resolved happily, there is much more work to be done to ensure that the human rights of all HIV-positive people who use drugs in the EECA are respected, protected, and fulfilled. There are others like her whose drug use still places them at risk of persecution, discrimination, and imprisonment, and who continue to be deprived of adequate health care and other supports.

You can download and read Human Rights Imperative: The HIV Legal Network in Eastern Europe and Central Asia at https://bit.ly/3qG5YKk.

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by Ruby Comer

Janne Puustinen

I

One recent evening I kicked back in my lavender Stratolounger thinking about a dear actor acquaintance of mine, Janne Puustinen (E-ANNA Poo-AUS-tanen), with whom I have not been in touch for a while. The hairs started twitching in my bloodhound nose wanting to find out more about the Finnish actor.

His staggering performance in the stunning surprise international hit, A Moment in the Reeds, a charming refreshing romantic drama, left me breathless. It preemed at BFI London Film Festival in late 2017 and Janne was nominated for his role by the Finnish Film Awards.

Janne plays Leevi, a Finn who falls for a newly transplanted Syrian refugee. He plays the character with such eloquence and understated nuance, wrapping it in fervent sensuality. The camera loves Janne’s matinee-idol face!

He was raised in Eastern Finland in a small village. At nineteen he moved to Helsinki to study theater. After the success of A Moment in the Reeds, his hometown rushed to congratulate him, warmly writing about him in the local newspaper stating they were proud of “their own boy.” It was quite a heartwarming surprise for Janne.

On another note, I’m inquisitive to know more about

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Ruby illustration by Davidd Batalon; photo by David Muller Photographyi

’ve always been snoopy. No, not the canine in the comic strip, Peanuts! Rather, I pride myself on being fascinated with others and having the skill to pry fruitful facts from them. Easily stated, I’m just a darn curious person! Think Gladys Kravitz from the iconic sixties TV series, Bewitched——my second favorite classic show in the world. If you read my column consistently then you know what my pick is for number one!

• DECEMBER 2021

Ruby Comer: My god, Janne, it’s been nearly ten years since we met together in Helsinki! Unbelievable that that much time has passed. Remember when we went to the Tom of Finland museum together?

Janne Puustinen: Oh Ruby, so good to see you. Yes, yes, I do remember our outing there!

You’re looking spectacular——as always, my lad…. [There’s a twinkle in his full-sized grin.]

I can return that compliment as well! [His peaches and cream skin is glowing. There’s just something angelic about his appearance!]

as Leevi in A Moment in the Reeds

Hey, off to the side, over your shoulder and through the window, I espy other buildings and some greenery.

Oh, you can see that? I guess so. Yes, it’s a small courtyard with a grass field and some deciduous trees and bushes. The buildings were built in the 1930s to form a closed block, so the view is pretty idyllic and peaceful considering the location is next to a pretty busy street. As a country boy by origin I definitely enjoy having some green in my window view. And you see this purple orchid on the windowsill? [I nod affirmatively.] We have been getting along for many years already!

Ah, that’s sweet. Plants can be so healing. Say, where exactly were you raised?

It was close to the provincial center of Kuopio in Eastern Finland. Even though it was small, during my childhood and teenage years I never found it that conservative. It definitely wasn’t very diverse and hence there was pressure to fit into norms. But I never faced any direct negative attitudes towards sexual minorities. Of course in Helsinki I never felt closeted.

photo courtesy Guest House Films

Ruby illustration by Davidd Batalon; portraits by Laura Mainiemi; Moment photo by Iiaka Salmunen/courtesy Wild Beast Productions

this Finland-based actor’s history with the AIDS pandemic, and how he’s getting on in this chaotic COVID-19 world. I forge ahead and we plan a Zoom call. It’s midnight here in Los Angeles at my Silver Lake, California abode, and it’s morning at Janne’s pad in Helsinki.

That’s good to hear. So, how’s the COVID-19 situation there?

[As of October] the amount of new cases per day is higher than ever before. We all hope that the quickly rising vacciDECEMBER 2021 •

nation rate will make a change for the better soon.

[He pauses as I shake my head furiously with passion.

Janne’s face melts into a grimace.] Here in Finland, we haven’t had similar lockdown as in many other countries have——so far.

Oh god, Janne, we are surviving in a new world, volatile and precarious. We’re cuttin’ a new rug.

There’ve been different kinds of gathering restrictions and a lot of safety recommendations here, but most businesses and public services have been able to stay open most of the time. People have been able to continue everyday life in somewhat natural way without the epidemic getting out of hand. But, as I said, the new virus variants that are appearing have created a worse situation. Now it seems that the government will be announcing the first actual curfew one day soon.

Lordy Loo, I guess we can chalk up 2021 to a lost year just like 2020. Oy! How are you faring in this ever-daily-evolving virus?

I’ve tried to take care of myself and keep up healthy routines. I’ve been jogging and working out with kettlebells, streaming a lot of films and series, and reading some engaging novels. Our Central Park and the western shore of the Helsinki peninsula are close to where I live, and they are both perfect spots for enjoying and observing the cycle of the seasons. I have also found some new enthusiasm for cooking, even though I’m afraid I still can’t impress anyone with my repertoire.

Invite me over and I’ll be the judge! [With chuckles, Janne continues with tales of lockdown.]

I must tell you, a year ago, I was looking forward to arranging a party with friends to celebrate my thirtieth birthday, which I really don’t do so much.

Instead, I marked the event remotely with some close friends. It was lovely and included a secretly delivered birthday cake with sparklers to my door.

Ah, you have some special friends. How divine. Changing gears, am I dreaming or were you once cast to play a character living

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with HIV in a play?

Yes, several years ago I was cast in the role of Rasmus in Tenderness (Ömheten), by the Swedish playwright Jonas Gardell. It’s about a young man who discovers he’s infected and later dies of AIDS. The story is very touching and it explores how the situation challenges the relationship of the two main characters. It also deals with both homophobia and family relations.

I do remember now….

I was very excited about it but because of some production issues we never started rehearsals.

and then later on he died of AIDS. Despite the tragic plotline, I think the story was carried out in a relatively respectful way, considering the general atmosphere over twenty years ago, and the character was portrayed to live a happy and balanced family life despite the disease.

Gripping. How old were you when you first tested for HIV? I was nineteen, Ruby. I had recently started my first relationship with a guy from the same town. I wanted to be responsible so I called the local health centre to get tested for STDs. Good boy!

My experience was stereotypical of living in a small town. The person that answered my call was, of course [he chuckles], the school nurse from my elementary school.

I set an appointment and then tested. When I headed out from the lab a fellow patient stopped to thank me for my performance in a local summer theater. So, it was not as private as I probably would have wanted it to be! [He smirks, tugging at the collar of his light gray knit sweater.]

Darnit. Oh how I would have loved to see you portray Rasmus….

It would have indeed been a really important and weighty play to work on. Who knows, maybe one day!

I hope so, Janne.

The play is based on Jonas Gardell’s trilogy novel and TV series, Never Wipe Your Tears Without Gloves. It was this series that made the biggest impression for me about the AIDS epidemic. At the age of twenty-two, it opened my eyes to the Nordic reality of the darkest years of the epidemic in the early eighties.

Yep, this is why I love to reach out to others! One can learn so much from another’s world.

Watching Never Wipe Your Tears Without Gloves made me interested to explore and search for more content and information on HIV. I discovered there’s a Finnish book called, Karanteeni (Quarantine). It’s well written, a source for further information, and quite an interesting read.

[Janne delicately strokes back fragile strands of his honey-blonde hair that dips over his forehead.] Say, how did you first hear about HIV? It was in 1999 when I was nine. It was a very famous Finnish drama TV series, Kotikatu (Home Street), where one of the central characters came out as HIV-positive

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Okay. Name an HIV campaign that really impacted you.

From 2015-2018 the Finnish organizations, HIV Finland and HIVpoint organized a campaign called SeksiPertti. In it was a cartoon character named Pertti who was ”an expert on sex and sexuality between men.” Pertti shared information and answered questions related to HIV and sexual health. In my opinion, the campaign managed to be laid-back and approachable…yet very informative.

A cute campaign pitch for greater outreach, I think!

Unlike many of my slightly older friends, I don’t feel I was exposed to inappropriate HIV campaigns where they were blaming homosexuals when I was in my youth. I feel that most of the information I received was rather factual and appropriate, both through media and later in school.

This is fabulous to hear.

Nevertheless, as many young gays experience at some point, I was struggling from fear of having sex.

[He ponders, glancing off momentarily.] Also at times, Ruby, when I was tested I was subjected to inappropriate comments and not always entirely professional. For example, the doctor one time referred to [transmission of] STDs, “like normal heterosexual penetration,” completely leaving out the homosexual community. The healthcare staff sometimes was not aware of all the tests that should have been taken either. [He coughs then takes a steep inhale.] The PrEP treatment here in Finland was rather

unknown for a long time. As of the first of July this year it will become free of charge.

Hallelujah! Oh how I envy social democratic societies. Take a lesson, USA, Geezus! How do you feel about PrEP? I definitely think PrEP treatment——and now free of charge——is a significant and long-expected step forward in HIV prevention! Although (he lifts one finger closer to the screen to emphasize) I think a condom is still a great fellow, considering the other damn STIs develop antibiotic-resistant strains more and more often.

You said a loadful, Janne. Free?! That’s the way it should be. [I squint at him peering directly into his pretty peepers.] I wanna know… who is your role model?

[No hesitation Janne responds] My godmother, whom, to my sorrow, I lost nearly two years ago. Her kindness, diligence, and positivity are something that I would want to carry out in my own life as well.

She sounds like a marvelous person, Janne.

Whom do you look up to professionally?

The qualities I specifically enjoy seeing on the screen are sensitivity, presence, and honesty. There are several actors I learn from, including Geoffrey Couët and François Nambot [A&U, January 2018]. Their stunning performance in Paris 05:59 made a big impression on me. I really admire some of [the director] Félix Maritaud’s work.

Of course, I could also name some big Hollywood names whose films I have grown up watching, like Meryl Streep and Glenn Close. But that’s a given, right?

‘Tis [I giggle.] What film could you watch over and over again?

It would have to be Roberto Benigni’s La vita è Bella (Life Is Beautiful). The way the film offsets joy and sorrow, as well as imagination and reality side by side gets me deeply touched again and again. From the queer genre, some of my big favorites are Weekend by Andrew Haigh, Moonlight by Barry Jenkins, and Carol by Todd Haynes.

Oh, what delicious choices. Life Is Beautiful——a gem indeed. The other three I have immensely enjoyed as well. I mean, c’mon, ya can’t hardly beat a Cate Blanchett performance, especially in Carol. [There’s a thoughtful pause between us.] Janne, before we close, what words do you live by?

A typical Finnish idiom ”kyllä se siitä.” It’s a comforting phrase meaning that in a bad situation you will survive. I think in a moment of worry, it’s good to just let your feelings be, let time heal [he takes a gulp of air and then exhales], and trust that everything will get back on track. [Janne’s piercing crystal-blue eyes sparkle in an enigmatic stare.]

Ruby Comer is an independent journalist from the Midwest who is happy to call Hollywood her home away from home.

Reach her by e-mail at MsRubyComer@aol.com.

• DECEMBER 2021

THE

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SECOND ACTS

viewfinder

by Harry Breaux

SINKING AT THE TRAFFIC LIGHT One Moment in San Francisco—a Multitude of Lives Remembered

W

hile stopped for the red light at Oak Street as I was coming down Baker, I sank into my seat. That was the feeling. Sank, like a rock in the ocean.

There was a shift in the air and a shift in the texture of the instant. It was as though the energy that funds me had a dip in current. A feeling the power dimmed in me like at home when PG&E is forced to execute some drastic, momentary power drop automatically and unannounced.

There was no loss of consciousness or awareness or attendance to my driving, but all of sudden, all around me felt sad and fluid. It was as though the earth’s spinning had stopped for an ever-so-momentary instant and I was suspended in space. Somehow inside my immediate world, I was suddenly submerged in a dark, blue light and I felt grief and loss differently than I had before. The emptiness of it became more sensory and present.

I was missing them deeply, more deeply than before. I was missing those energetic, courageous men who had accompanied me on adventures during the PRIDE-filled days of yore, way back in the “gay freedom ‘70s”.

I missed Jimmy for his vision. His dreams fed the excitement.

I missed Tim for his laughter and friendship. His laugh was infectious.

I missed Dan for his gentleness and abundant generosity.

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I missed Steve for his kind, glowing spirit.

I missed so many others, too. Those I knew and those I didn’t.

I missed all those persons named on the AIDS Memorial Quilt; men, women and children of all ages and colors and nationalities.

But mostly I missed the ones I knew and explored young life and freedom with.

There in the car, having just gotten off work, waiting for that light to change, I noticed a missing aliveness in my body. Unlike the many times I had been in this neighborhood in the past, I wasn’t on the way to a kitchen full of friends this time.

Friends gathering and preparing to go out for any number of possible evening entertainments. The loneliness was palpable and warm. I remembered them and felt as though I was being flushed with the same loving and generous joie de vivre I felt in their physical presence so many times. Was there an essence of them still dangling wistfully just over there behind that tree or over there by that statue or right here? Or was this all just the phantom of love, once in the flesh and now no longer so?

It still comes as a surprise, when a thought so sensory pops up from the past, when the clearest picture appears of those who were closest and now lost to AIDS. The sadness of the memory was balanced by the warm joy of feeling them around once again even as phantoms. It was also true I wouldn’t be sitting with them in the kitchen ever

again. Neither would they.

There’s so much made about having lived, having survived, and for some, even thrived. Many of us identify with the phrase “long-term survivor” and “suffering from AIDS Survivor Syndrome.” Tonight, in this little moment at the red light, though, it felt more like “AIDS Twilight Zone.”

Without our tribe and essentially ignored by AIDS conferences as several of us reflect on in The San Francisco Principles, we find ourselves as though sat in a corner, scrambling to keep afloat and find the big chunk of hope we lost along the way. Defying the stigma, we seem to bounce our cries for help against a void.

We have been lacking services appropriate to our needs again. We have become test subjects, guinea pigs, studied by researchers as the first to live with HIV, and in many cases with a co-diagnosis of AIDS. We are significantly insignificant.

Tonight, though, there was a moment of deep quiet as the recognition that no matter how desperately I tried, those friends and I would never be communing again. I could feel the sadness of that realization course through my cells. Perhaps they tapped my shoulder to remind me how important it is we treasure those we do have as we continue to honor the memory of those no longer here.

Sometimes looking back on some of my past shenanigans, it’s a miracle I survived being alive even before HIV invaded my immune system providing the seed for the later AIDS diagnosis.

Inattention, naiveté and missteps have dotted my life’s highway along with some true close calls.

Continuing, “staying interested” as John Huston said, staying present with the pain and the “lost-ness” while choosing, moment by moment, to focus on the living present is what gets me through.

Through the times when other people, places, thoughts and feelings sadly and powerfully rise up from the well of history and into my momentary awareness.

For now, I’ll continue on in the power of joyful hopefulness and love integrated with difficult depression and sorrow. I’ll continue on and so will many others.

Harry has been enjoying some leisure years in San Francisco while working part-time at a gym and tinkering with the many writing projects awaiting more development. Staying alive through forty years of HIV has given a different meaning to surviving or more simply, being.

Staying interested is the most challenging of pursuits.

If life is actually a chimera, it’s one to not be too ready to stir from. As a child, a dream was to live life as an exploration. It seems it still is.

• DECEMBER 2021

BACK looking FORWARD looking

T

hirty years ago David Waggoner introduced Art & Understanding to the world. It was at first printed as a newspaper supplement and sought to create an archive of cultural responses to the pandemic——fiction, poetry, drama, essays, painting, sculpture, any work that could communicate the lived realities of people living with HIV/AIDS. As the nonprofit, nationally distributed magazine evolved into a four-color glossy, Art & Understanding morphed into A&U and become a more general interest HIV/ AIDS publication, featuring treatment news, legal advice, nutrition and wellness information, and columns by Patricia Nell Warren, Aaron Krach,

Advocates Honor Four Decades of HIV/AIDS Advocacy as A&U Marks Thirty Years of Publication

by Chael Needle

Noel Alumit, and Ruben Acosta, among others. The magazine continued to feature the arts but expanded our coverage of different kinds of advocacy. Our mission has always been to create a forum that saw difference as an asset in working toward common goals.

Over the years, A&U has featured many advocates who have shared their insights about HIV/AIDS advocacy and we thought our anniversary would be the perfect time to check in with these change agents. We asked advocates two questions, one that looked back and one that looked forward:

Looking Back: What single accomplishment in nearly thirty years of HIV/AIDS advocacy and activism inspires you?

Looking Forward: What might we aim to accomplish in the next five to ten years?

Butch McKay

Director of Positive Living Programs for OASIS Florida in the Northwestern Florida Panhandle, which celebrated its thirtieth Anniversary on October 3, 2021

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Looking Back: Many events have occurred in the thirty years since A&U Magazine started. Most people will most likely mention protease inhibitors, along with PrEP and U=U messaging, but, as a Southern boy, for me the one event that stands out the most was the Southern AIDS Manifesto in 2002, developed by the Southern AIDS Coalition. That document was the first real report fully supported with data, to prove the Southern disparity in AIDS cases, AIDS-related deaths, as well as the disparity in resources and funding for care and prevention services. The South, the most uninsured part of the nation, was being shortchanged, although based on population had the largest number of cases and deaths. The Manifesto spotlighted nationally the level of injustices to where the government had to answer.

Looking Forward: We need to continue work toward an effective vaccine and a cure. Criminalization laws around HIV need a complete overhaul. Most current laws are fear-based and not science-based.

• DECEMBER 2021

McKay photo courtesy B. McKay; White photo by Jack Ferlise Photography

China White, an HIV/AIDS advocate featured in the June 2017 issue, contributed her take on the big picture: “What inspires me most about the advances in science and unrelenting advocacy of the past thirty years is the restoration of dignity and freedom to express ourselves intimately without fear of causing harm.

The psychological burden that once accompanied this illness has been eliminated and words cannot properly express how grateful I am for it.”

China joins a chorus of advocate’s voices, each with their own take on the big picture, past, present, and future, as they continue to strengthen the HIV/AIDS community.

Tiommi Luckett

National Organizer, Transgender Law Center

Looking Back: The formation of the Positively Trans National Advisory Board inspired me to live authentically as a Black woman of trans experience living with HIV. I hadn’t seen myself represented in the HIV movement

until we met in Chicago in 2015.

Looking Forward: Starting now until we don’t have to say it anymore, quality of life in people living with HIV even with an undetectable viral load must be at the forefront of the HIV strategy. I’m so thankful to the networks of people living with HIV who created the Demanding Better: An HIV Federal Policy Agenda by People Living with HIV.

Damon L. Jacobs

Brendle-Moss photo by Gianna Haley; Jacobs photo courtesy D. Jacobs; Luckett photo courtesy T. Luckett

Marriage and Family Therapist, PrEP Educator Looking Back: The single accomplishment that excites me most is the re-centering of sexual pleasure in the discussion of biomedical advancements in HIV prevention and treatment. For way too long HIV prevention has been edified from a medical condoms-only model, which rarely took into consideration the emotional and spiritual drives to connect and fluid-bond with others. Thanks to consumer-driven messaging, people are learning to embrace PrEP and U=U for the sole purpose of meaningful sexual pleasure without fear of HIV. Looking Forward: If people are serious about Ending the Epidemic then they would aim to shift systemic structures that impede uptake of biomedical interventions. This includes challenging racial discrimination within the medical community, pushing back against CDC PrEP guidelines that encourage the policing of queer men’s bodies (i.e, three-month “counseling on condom use and any other HIV risk-reduction methods”), prioritizing medicine over morality, science over stigma.

DECEMBER 2021 •

Wanda Brendle-Moss Independent Advocate

Looking Back: In some ways we’ve made inroads into reducing the numbers of newly diagnosed or, even better in some ways, bringing those who fell out of care... back into care. Many cities were joining End The Epidemic projects... gaining momentum...

Then...

Looking Forward: Something we were totally unprepared for...a new plague that is impacting people of all ages, all ranges of socioeconomic spectrum.

COVID-19...filling hospitals and morgues beyond their capacities. In New York bringing in the Great White Ship with the infamous Red Cross on her sides. Taking patients there to free up beds in mainland hospitals. Morgues overflowing...lack of enough staff or space.

This triggered PTSD in many of us who already survived one plague. We often were looked to as something like experts...if we were able to get our thoughts together to be of assistance....

Here we are, two years or so later...preparing for World AIDS Day 2021...questions of ending the epidemic remain on the tips of people’s tongues. There’s some resentment among we survivors of the early deadliest days of AIDS, at the rapid response to COVID. It is my most sincere hope that we put aside whatever differences, resentments, etc., and form the mighty army of humans to help each other come out as a strong unified movement to End Both Epidemics...HIV AIDS and COVID.

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Andrea Johnson

Founder, GIRL U CAN DO IT, INC

Bob Bowers

HIV/AIDS advocate

Looking Back: Over these last thirty years, I feel that the Internet and social media has been one of the biggest game-changers in the ongoing fight against HIV/AIDS. For those of us living with HIV, it has provided a powerful platform to educate and

Looking Back: There is not one single accomplishment that inspired me, but there are many.

When HIV began forty-some years ago many died internally thinking that their health condition was the end-all to their lives. With advancements in medication to a one-a-day pill or a monthly injection, to better healthcare and awareness, and now with the U=U science-based initiative, many with HIV/AIDS, such as myself, are living vibrant, hopeful, inspired, and empowered lives. We are also living and accomplishing our life goals.

Looking Forward: In the next five to ten years I pray with the advancement of medications a cure for HIV can be developed so another generation will not have to suffer through the stigmas and fears that plague persons living with HIV/AIDS still to this day. I also pray that the criminalizing laws that some states impose on persons living with HIV/AIDS are eradicated.

Daniel G Garza

HIV Patient Leader Advocate Looking Back: What motivates me to continue my work as a patient leader advocate is the Latino community. Latinos are considered the largest and fastest-growing ethnic community in the US. Latinos are also considered one of the groups most affected by HIV. In June of 2013, the CDC took notice of the situation and launched the Reasons/ Razones campaign. The campaign called on gay and bi men to give a reason for getting tested. The call of action moved the dial forward in a community surrounded by shame and stigma.

Looking Forward: I look forward to having conversations in the Latino community that include religion, culture, and social norms. In the hopes that we can start moving past shame, stigma, and silence.

Sex, sexuality, and identity need to be normalized so we can talk to the younger generations about prevention, protection, and self-care. We need the support of local political and religious leaders to get the message out to the community.

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Garza photo by Innis Casey Photography; Bowers photo by Nita Costello; Johnson photo courtesy A. Johnson

empower ourselves.

It has allowed us to educate others, raise awareness in our communities and around the world, and address head-on the pervasive stigma associated with this disease. Newly infected, or long-term, our unique stories and experiences matter now more than ever. As a 38-year survivor and activist, I continue to do my small part. It’s heartwarming to see many newly diagnosed, along with oldtimers, sharing their journeys with HIV. Looking Forward: Awareness and education remain key.

Stigma can be deadlier than the virus.

While we’ve made amazing progress, HIV/AIDS isn’t over until it’s OVER! One new infection is one too many. “What If It Were You?”

• DECEMBER 2021

Victoria Noe

Author, speaker, activist

Matthew Hodson

Executive Director, NAM aidsmap

Middleton photo courtesy A. Middleton; Noe photo by Alina Oswald; Hodson photo by Denis Robinson

Looking Back: Effective HIV treatment is one of the greatest achievements of modern medical science.

As people living with HIV, we are partners in this.

People living with HIV, many of whom died, were willing participants in the trials of those medications, sometimes experimental, often highly toxic, that paved the way not only for effective treatment but also for PEP and PrEP. We have been collaborators in the medical progress made, prominent in pushing for better medical care and support. We have been leaders in fighting for treatment and PrEP access, in combatting stigma and in sharing the news that undetectable means untransmittable.

HIV activists and advocates did not just change HIV care, we changed healthcare.

Looking Forward: In the next decade I want an end to all HIV acquisition and AIDS deaths. This is in our reach but will only be possible if we tackle structural inequalities and dismantle the fear and ignorance that perpetuates HIV stigma.

Looking Back: The fight to expand the definition of AIDS to include women. “Women don’t get AIDS——They just die from it” was the absolute truth for the first decade of the epidemic. Until then, no proper diagnosis or treatment, the inability to qualify for disability, no access to clinical trials. They were invisible unless they were pregnant, and even then, the focus was on their unborn children. That it took four years of effort is disgraceful. But it was still a game-changer.

Looking Forward: The only reason why we are at the forty-year mark without a cure or vaccine is complacency. We have the tools to end the epidemic, but until we get angry enough to commit to it, it will remain beyond reach. I’m sure as hell not looking forward to a fifty-year anniversary without it being eradicated.

Ashley J Middleton (she/her/ella)

HIV Advocate and Queer Woman of Trans experience, Washington, D.C. Looking Back: When I look back at history and think what sealed the path forward for HIV research in the twenty-first century, I think about the Undetectable = Untransmittable Campaign. For me this meant my dream wedding in the countryside and white-picket-fence happily-ever-after might not be over after all. This campaign singlehandedly changed my life and is changing the lives of millions of others across the globe.

Looking Forward: Over the next 5-10 years I would like to see an expansion in funding for vital service programs like ADAP and Ryan White, in order to support the mission of providing access to treatment regardless of socioeconomic status. Data collection methods need to improve so we have qualitative and long-term data about the continued impact our work is having on higher risk groups such as Transgender women and immigrant populations. After we have seen what we have been able to accomplish together throughout the 2020 COVID-19 pandemic, nothing is impossible. I’ve never been more inspired to do the work that is needed than now——let’s do it!

Chael Needle is celebrating twenty-one years at A&U. DECEMBER 2021 •

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Up Against the Wall Author & Curator Jessica Lacher-Feldman Discusses a New Book that Showcases the University of Rochester’s AIDS Education Posters Collection

by Chael Needle

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ome of the posters in Up Against the Wall: Art, Activism, and the AIDS Poster, a new hardcover book from RIT Press, I recognized immediately. When I turned a page and saw one particular poster, I instantly remembered it: a bright-colored, stick-figure drawing of a frowning child surrounded by flowers beneath the words “I Have AIDS. Please Hug Me” (1987, Tiburon, California, U.S.A.; creator: Center for Attitudinal Healing; designer: Jack Keeler). Most of the posters I had never seen, like one showing a black-and-white rendering of a needle with the text “Just Say Know” and encouragement to participate in needle exchange as a form of prevention (1990, San Francisco, California, U.S.A. creator: Girl with Arms Akimbo, for Prevention Point).

Edited by Donald Albrecht, Jessica Lacher-Feldman, and William M. Valenti, MD, Up Against the Wall showcases nearly 200 posters from the AIDS Education Posters Collection, housed at the University of Rochester’s River Campus Libraries Department of Rare Books, Special Collections, and Preservation.

Reading Up Against the Wall invites you to understand how the creators of AIDS education posters have tried to reach different audiences, taking into consideration geographic region, gender, sexual orientation, ethnicity, mode of transmission, and other aspects in an effort to convey ideas about HIV prevention, AIDS stigma, and addressing the needs of people living with HIV/ AIDS. Some of the posters favor the technical; some bank on the personal and expressive. Some are text-heavy; some rely only on images and icons. Some are directly activist-oriented; some are more circuitous about how they would like viewers to translate knowledge into action.

Starting in 1990 and continuing until his death, Dr. Edward C. Atwater (1926–2019), a physician and medical historian, amassed more than 8,000 posters and related ephemera from four decades and representing 130 countries and over 76 languages and dialects.

Atwater donated the collection to the University of Rochester, where he went as an undergraduate and where he was employed later as a doctor and professor. He stipulated that the posters be accessible.

To honor his wishes, the entire collection has been digitized and is available here: https://aep.lib.rochester.edu/.

“Can You Get AIDS from a Drinking Fountain?” 1988, Toronto, Ontario, Canada Created by Ontario Ministry of Health and Long-Term Care. Credit: From Up Against the Wall, RIT Press

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a&ugallery Writes Lacher-Feldman in her chapter essay about Atwater and the collection: “It was Dr. Atwater’s personal triumph to document through these posters how messages about HIV/AIDS have been disseminated to different audiences and populations around the world from the very beginnings of the pandemic through today. Dr. Atwater was fascinated by how sensitive topics such as intimacy, sexually transmitted disease, contraception, homosexuality, sex work, pre-marital sex, and aggressive political and social protest were conveyed in these posters. They all speak to much more than the AIDS crisis, they speak to dramatic shifts in our cultural and social history at the end of the twentieth century.”

Lacher-Feldman and others will continue to expand the collection with new acquisitions in years to come.

Alongside insights from the editors, the book also features critical analyses by Avram Finkelstein [A&U, June 2019], Jennifer Brier and Matthew Wizinsky , as well as Mats Christiansen, Esther McGowan, MC Roodt , Theodore (Ted) Kerr, Dr. Joseph N. Lambert, Kyle Croft, Alexander McClelland, Siân Cook, Joshua Valentine Pavan, Dr. Stephen Dewhurst, Tamar W. Carroll, Ian Bradley-Perrin, Dr. Anthony S. Fauci, and Jordan Arseneault.

The book also serves as the catalogue for an upcoming exhibition of posters from the collection at the Memorial Art Gallery of the University of Rochester, March 6–June 19, 2022.

A&U recently had the opportunity to correspond with Jessica Lacher-Feldman, Exhibitions and Special Projects Manager, River Campus Libraries, University of Rochester and the curator of record for the AIDS Education Posters Collection.

Chael Needle: In Up Against the Wall, you write: “As curator of record for this collection, I have the opportunity to engage with classes, students, members of the press, and scholars. With each and every interaction I gain additional insights into how the messages and images can be group and arranged.” Could you share one or two of those interaction-prompting insights?

Jessica Lacher-Feldman: There are so many stories I could tell. One of the ones that stays with me was with a class in the summer of 2019, pre-pandemic, where I worked with a group of about forty students who were coming from Sub-Saharan African countries to study in the United States, some at the University of Rochester, and some elsewhere. What we did for the class was to showcase the AIDS crisis in the U.S. through the geographic lens of New York City and San Francisco to a group of young people who have lived with the HIV/AIDS crisis in a completely different way than we have in America. And as eighteen year olds, they have never known anything else. It was eye-opening to them to see the AIDS pandemic, and the posters as tools for communicating behavior changes, warnings, and empathy in ways that they had never seen. The overt sexuality, the openness of language, and other elements were so illuminating to them. The other piece which I found so remarkable is that these young students had been taught that HIV/AIDS no longer existed DECEMBER 2021 •

Up Against the Wall book cover. Credit: RIT Press

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in the United States, and that it was still a huge issue, especially among marginalized and underrepresented people, a stunning revelation. I worked with a class yesterday, focusing on language and advertising, and the kinds of discussions that are fostered through analyzing the messages in the posters feels like such important conversation both on an intellectual and an emotional level. Many of the students are first year undergraduates, born in 2002 or 2003, but with no real sense of the very recent history around HIV/AIDS and the confluence of art, activism, education, and empathy that made the creation of these posters so important in communities all over the world. The conversation moved from the posters and the messages, to their own differing experiences about how they learned (or didn’t learn) about HIV/AIDS in sex education in school. Each encounter gives me hope——these posters, as a corpus of material, and individually, foster thought and action, and that feels really meaningful to me.

From the Banana Boys series, 1983, Rochester, N.Y. Created by AIDS Rochester. Credit: From Up Against the Wall, RIT Press

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What did you come to learn about the collection in the process of editing the book?

With a collection so vast and so complex, I have learned every day as I work with the collection. With the book project, which came to completion and went to press during the pandemic, I think I learned a great deal about how we are able to work and connect with others despite distances and barriers. For my part in writing——in the chapter about the collection itself, I spent a great deal of time reflecting on the collector of the "The 1983 Banana Boys poster posters, Dr. Edward from AIDS Rochester/Trillium Atwater, and the Health is amazing—simplicity, significance of the and a strong nod to Andy Warhol, work that he took on to build such an enorwhich is never a bad thing" mous and rich group of posters. With over 8,000 posters in the collection, it’s inevitable that I notice posters I have never seen before in that 8,000. I also have gotten to know the posters that are included in the book very well. And I think one of the great things we all come to realize with a project like this, one that is about collaboration and exploration of a topic, that we find ourselves making thousands of tiny decisions as we move forward. My exciting assertion that we have hot pink endpapers was one decision that stands out——it’s a small thing, and it wasn’t controversial, but I find it deeply satisfying to open the book and see those bright pink endsheets, reminding me of the labor and thought that goes into a work like this.

I love the 1983 Banana Boys poster from AIDS Rochester/ Trillium Health for its simplicity and the way it normalizes safer sex. Which poster or posters always catch your eye in the collection and why?

The 1983 Banana Boys poster from AIDS Rochester/Trillium Health is amazing——simplicity, and a strong nod to Andy Warhol, which is never a bad thing. For me there are so many posters that stand out——the four I wrote about in the book, the French mock propaganda posters that “say no to the new Ghetto” are so powerful to me (https://bit.ly/3rankzd).

There are so many posters that stop me in my tracks; I find it very interesting to show posters from other parts of the world that really bring out some interesting conversations about audience—— • DECEMBER 2021

“Only Gay Men Get AIDS. Only Gay Men and Haitians Get AIDS. [...] When Are You Going to Get It?” n.d., Atlanta, Georgia. Created by AIDS Atlanta Credit: From Up Against the Wall, RIT Press and hammer home the fact the AIDS crisis has an impact on us all. For example, one poster from Ghana that is clearly geared towards a military audience: (https://aep.lib.rochester.edu/node/41378). Or another poster (https://aep. lib.rochester.edu/node/43302) which is aimed at business travelers (and an uncomfortable and not-so-subtle nod to sex tourism).

Another poster that I am drawn to is one that I helped acquire not long before Dr. Atwater passed away was this 1983 Ringling Brothers fundraiser for Gay Men’s Health Crisis in New York City (https://aep.lib. rochester.edu/node/49240). It speaks to me for many reasons. This early poster combines the exuberance of a circus poster with the urgency of raising much-needed funds at the very dawn of the AIDS crisis. I find that juxtaposition powerful, and I am drawn to thinking about the people who did so much in so many different ways for so many.

There are several posters from Eastern Europe, Israel, China, and other parts of the world that are very clever, veiled, and complex, and I like to think about these and how they reflect their respective cultures as it relates to HIV/AIDS (for example, https://aep.lib.rochester.edu/ node/47550).

My hopes for the book and the upcoming exhibition——well, I am hopeful that those who are coming of age now and have no real understanding of the HIV/AIDS crisis will come away from the exhibition and book with a deeper understanding of the connection between these posters and the critical need for educating, informing, sharing information, and making voices heard around HIV/AIDS. I feel that, with the additional lens of the COVID-19 pandemic, we have a chance to even further build a deeper understanding of shared responsibility for the health and well-being of our fellow human beings, and for ourselves.

I also hope that the exhibition and the book will inspire others to think about leveraging their own creativity to make a difference in this world. One small part of this exhibition is a state-wide (New York State) poster contest. And we have the entire collection, all 8,000 plus posters available online——I hope that the exhibition and the book bring more attention to the power of the medium of the HIV/AIDS education poster as a tool for expression, education, comfort, and action.

What are your hopes for the book and the upcoming exhibit next year?

Chael Needle interviewed photographer Phyllis Christopher for the November issue.

DECEMBER 2021 •

Visit the collection online at: https://aep.lib.rochester.edu/.

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IMPORTANT FACTS FOR BIKTARVY®

This is only a brief summary of important information about BIKTARVY and does not replace talking to your healthcare provider about your condition and your treatment.

(bik-TAR-vee)

MOST IMPORTANT INFORMATION ABOUT BIKTARVY

POSSIBLE SIDE EFFECTS OF BIKTARVY

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BIKTARVY may cause serious side effects, including:  Those in the “Most Important Information About BIKTARVY” section.  Changes in your immune system. Your immune system may get stronger and begin to fight infections that may have been hidden in your body. Tell your healthcare provider if you have any new symptoms after you start taking BIKTARVY.  Kidney problems, including kidney failure. Your healthcare provider should do blood and urine tests to check your kidneys. If you develop new or worse kidney problems, they may tell you to stop taking BIKTARVY.  Too much lactic acid in your blood (lactic acidosis), which is a serious but rare medical emergency that can lead to death. Tell your healthcare provider right away if you get these symptoms: weakness or being more tired than usual, unusual muscle pain, being short of breath or fast breathing, stomach pain with nausea and vomiting, cold or blue hands and feet, feel dizzy or lightheaded, or a fast or abnormal heartbeat.  Severe liver problems, which in rare cases can lead to death. Tell your healthcare provider right away if you get these symptoms: skin or the white part of your eyes turns yellow, dark “tea-colored” urine, light-colored stools, loss of appetite for several days or longer, nausea, or stomach-area pain.  The most common side effects of BIKTARVY in clinical studies were diarrhea (6%), nausea (6%), and headache (5%).

 Worsening of hepatitis B (HBV) infection. Your

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ABOUT BIKTARVY BIKTARVY is a complete, 1-pill, once-a-day prescription medicine used to treat HIV-1 in adults and children who weigh at least 55 pounds. It can either be used in people who have never taken HIV-1 medicines before, or people who are replacing their current HIV-1 medicines and whose healthcare provider determines they meet certain requirements.

BIKTARVY does not cure HIV-1 or AIDS. HIV-1 is the virus that causes AIDS. Do NOT take BIKTARVY if you also take a medicine that contains:  dofetilide  rifampin  any other medicines to treat HIV-1

BEFORE TAKING BIKTARVY Tell your healthcare provider if you:  Have or have had any kidney or liver problems,

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Tell your healthcare provider if you become pregnant while taking BIKTARVY.  Are breastfeeding (nursing) or plan to breastfeed.

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Tell your healthcare provider about all the medicines you take:  Keep a list that includes all prescription and over-the-

counter medicines, antacids, laxatives, vitamins, and herbal supplements, and show it to your healthcare provider and pharmacist.

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Your healthcare provider will need to do tests to monitor your health before and during treatment with BIKTARVY.

HOW TO TAKE BIKTARVY Take BIKTARVY 1 time each day with or without food.

GET MORE INFORMATION  This is only a brief summary of important information

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 Go to BIKTARVY.com or call 1-800-GILEAD-5  If you need help paying for your medicine,

visit BIKTARVY.com for program information.

BIKTARVY, the BIKTARVY Logo, GILEAD, the GILEAD Logo, and LOVE WHAT’S INSIDE are trademarks of Gilead Sciences, Inc., or its related companies. Version date: February 2021 © 2021 Gilead Sciences, Inc. All rights reserved. BVYC0370 04/21

HUGO LIVING WITH HIV SINCE 1995 REAL BIKTARVY PATIENT

KEEP CONNECTING. Because HIV doesn’t change who you are.

BIKTARVY® is a complete, 1-pill, once-a-day prescription medicine used to treat HIV-1 in certain adults. BIKTARVY does not cure HIV-1 or AIDS.

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See Hugo’s story at BIKTARVY.com.

Featured patient compensated by Gilead.

Please see Important Facts about BIKTARVY, including important warnings, on the previous page and visit BIKTARVY.com.

LOVE’S STORIES Playwright & Filmmaker Donja R. Love Is Making a Name for Himself in the New York Theater World, Sharing His HIV Journey and Teaching Others Across the Country How to Bring Their Stories to Life

by Chip Alfred

Photographed Exclusively for A&U by Francis Hills

DECEMBER 2021 •

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A

s a creative artist, Donja R. Love is definitely having a moment. After co-founding The Each-Other Project with husband Brandon Nick, [A&U, April 2015], Love has written and directed a series of video and film projects that uplifts and fosters community among Black queer and trans people. Three of his plays have already been produced off-Broadway, including the critically acclaimed production of one in two, a raw and impassioned exploration of one man’s journey to reimagine his life after an HIV diagnosis. In 2022, soft, one of the first plays he ever wrote, is slated for its world premiere off-Broadway. “I create stories specifically about and for Black people living with HIV,” Love tells A&U. “That’s what I will continue to do, because I know our lives and our stories matter.”

“To have GLAAD and someone like Billy Porter put their stamp of approval on this shows how important our community is” Now, he is sharing his gift and giving back to his community as a mentor and teacher with the second cohort of Write It Out!, a one-of-a-kind playwriting workshop for people living with HIV. Following the resounding success of year one, Love, along with fellow playwright Timothy DuWhite, is taking Write It Out! to the next level with a new Playwright’s Prize. The winner will receive $5,000 cash, plus a year of dramaturgical support to create a new work of their own. The prize is funded by GLAAD and none other than Pose star and Emmy winner Billy Porter. “For me, the common thread with my work is community,” says Love. “To have GLAAD and someone like Billy Porter put their stamp of approval on this shows how important our community is.”

In our very candid conversation, Love reveals that after years of self-discovery, he has come to a place where he feels comfortable with who he is and open to letting the world in on even the most intimate details of his life. As this story unfolds, he shares how all the pain, the struggles, and the setbacks he faced helped him become the man and the writer he is today. “As odd as it may sound, it took me being diagnosed HIV positive to actually get a full sense of my purpose, and what it means to write and to use writing as healing.”

As a child growing up in Southwest Philadelphia, Love says writing was the only way he would communicate with people. “I had a severe stutter, and I was embarrassed to talk. When someone asked me a question, I would write my answer down in a notepad as my response,” he explains.

“I used writing as a way of being able to navigate

DECEMBER 2021 •

my emotions, my thoughts, all of those things. I never really put two and two together then, but that was a part of a larger purpose, in terms of being a writer.” Struggling to understand or acknowledge his queer identity, Love stayed inside a lot and channeled his creativity with his siblings. At his great-grandmother’s house, all the kids and their young cousins would go into the basement, and Love would have them create stories. “I would direct, and I would give them the words to say.

Then, we had our parents come down to watch.” It seems like playwriting was always in the cards for young Donja. He just needed to learn how to play the hand he was dealt.

After high school, Love enrolled at Philadelphia’s Temple University, double majoring in Theater and African American Studies. After two years, he dropped out because he couldn’t afford it, but he stuck around campus and worked his contacts there to figure out who he was as an artist.

In November of 2008, he was trying his hand as a stylist for a modeling troupe. “I was running myself ragged getting ready for a competition, and I wasn’t feeling well.” He headed to a clinic in North Philly to get checked out, where he agreed to take a rapid HIV test. During what he describes as an excruciating twenty-minute wait for the results, Love recalls praying and bargaining with God, if only that nurse would come back with good news. When the test results came back positive, Love says he just went numb. “I told myself, ‘Donja, you have to smile, because if you don’t, when you leave here everybody will know what was just shared in this room.”

When he got out of the clinic, he felt like he was suddenly thrust in the middle of a Lifetime movie.

“It started to pour down rain and I didn’t have an umbrella. I’m walking home in the rain, thinking

“I told myself, ‘Donja, you have to smile, because if you don’t, when you leave here everybody will know what was just shared in this room.” about I’m HIV positive, thinking my life will now be over. I remember when I got home, I hopped into the shower and I just started bawling.” After that, he only shared his status with those closest to him, and he didn’t talk about it for years.

Love says that not talking about it turned him into a version of himself he didn’t like. “Depression kicked in big time, and so did the alcoholism, dependence on sex, and suicidal ideations.” The one thing that helped him get his life back on track was throwing himself back into theater. A few months after his diagnosis, he wrote his first play.

Although he describes it now as “a hot ass mess”

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that he never shared with anyone, he says “it was therapeutic to be able to write down what I was thinking and what was going on with me.” He continued to write more and more, but it became clear he was hitting a brick wall in Philadelphia. In 2014, he packed up his things and relocated to New York to pursue his dreams. There he received several playwriting awards and fellowships to continue to refine his craft, including the coveted Lila Acheson Wallace American Playwrights Program at The Juilliard School. Then, he began to establish himself as one of the New York theater scene’s bold new voices.

In 2018, two of the plays he penned as part of his “Love Plays” had their world premieres off-Broadway. The “Love Plays” explore Black queer love stories at seminal moments in American history. Sugar in our Wounds, which is set on a plantation during the Civil War, opened in June. Fireflies, which takes place in the Jim Crow South, opened in September.

TheaterMania called it, “A powerful tale of love flashing its light in the dark. Fireflies is a drama of extraordinary depth and complexity.” With this production, Love became the first Black male playwright to have work produced on the mainstage of New York’s Atlantic Theater.

But it was one in two, the play that Love never intended to be seen by anyone, that is his biggest success to date.

The inspiration for one in two came after the 2016 CDC prediction that one in two black men who have sex with other men will receive a diagnosis of HIV. In November of 2018, Love was approaching the tenth anniversary of his diagnosis. “I thought I would be in this victorious space, but that wasn’t the case. I found myself not being able to get out of bed.”

He grabbed his phone off the nightstand and in the Notes section he started to write. Love says it was cathartic to document the ten years of what living with HIV was like for him. “I just threw all the dark thoughts into what I was writing. And there at the top I just wanted to be desired, I wanted to be loved. And as writing has often done for me, I felt myself becoming lighter again.”

When he looked at the play on his phone, he decided it was for his eyes only because he had revealed too much about himself.

A few weeks later, after helping someone who had been recently diagnosed with HIV, Love realized the play wasn’t just about him anymore. He knew he had to allow this play exist in the world. In December of 2019, one in two opened off-Broadway. The New York Times wrote, “Donja R. Love’s powerful play balances tenderness and fury…one in two has entered

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• DECEMBER 2021

the world in a state of quiet glory, equal parts laughter and pain…

Defiantly life-embracing, it’s a call to action over what Love describes as ‘a hidden state of emergency’ in his own community.” Love was nominated for Best Play for this work at the inaugural Antonyo Awards in 2020, which celebrates Black Theater on and off Broadway.

Chip Alfred: Before each performance of one in two, the audience is asked to choose which actor plays which role. How did this work and why did you write this into the script?

Donja R. Love: For every performance, the three actors come forward one at a time and the actor who gets the loudest applause will play Number One, the protagonist in the play. The other two actors play Rock Paper Scissors to see who plays Number Two and Number Three. The reason that the audience chooses which character goes on the journey of learning that he’s HIV-positive and what that journey is like for him is that society plays a heavy factor in HIV rates. I wanted the audience to represent society without them even knowing it, because at this point when they’re clapping for who will be Number One, they just think it’s fun and games. Then, they realize this person is now going through this very personal and intense journey of living with HIV and in their complicity they wonder, “Am I a factor in this happening?”

You were also somewhat hands-on with the marketing and the casting for this production, right? Casting must have been a bit more complicated if each of the actors in the play had to audition for all three roles.

Yes it was, because at any given moment, any of the actors had to play any of the roles. I was always interested in casting folks who aligned with the material, and I wanted top priority to be individuals who had a somewhat similar lived experience as the folks in the play.

I also wanted to make sure that the theater producing the play knew how important it was for my community to not only know that the play was happening but to be able to have access to the play and for them to feel welcomed into the space. Thanks to a partnership with Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS, people living with HIV and the demographic that was represented in the play were able to see it for free.

Based on the response, it seems like one in two was a turning point in your career.

Oh, absolutely. It was one of those things where I understood what art can do. But that wasn’t until literally sitting in a fancy off-Broadway theater with complete strangers and having them watch my life on stage, and having critics from renowned publications write about and critique my life. Sitting in a theater watching my relationship to HIV and art in this grand way was one of those divine moments that built such a clarity and strength within me to utilize my resources and access to create artistic space for other folks living with HIV. You’ve said that those resources have been instrumental in getting projects like Write It Out! off the ground. What sparked the idea for this playwriting workshop in the first place?

What sparked Write It Out! was living with HIV and using writing as a way to navigate through my diagnosis. I remember what it felt like being so afraid to share this part of myself with people, afraid to even talk about HIV. Writing was a way for me to have that conversa-

DECEMBER 2021 •

tion. Everyone in Write It Out! has the freedom to share about their experience of living with HIV or not. I just let every writer know that they are the only one who can write the things that they write.

Do you feel like your work is having the impact you want it to have?

To be honest with you Chip, I don’t. I want my work to exist on a larger scale. From my vantage point, we as a society do not care about Black people living with HIV, so already my work is considered “niche” and it doesn’t get the kind of space and breath I believe it should have. Our stories deserve a larger, mightier space.

“ Theater is my life. It helped affirm me and

helped me navigate through many dark moments of my life.”

You came to New York to fulfill your dreams. What dreams would you still like to see become a reality?

Theater is my life. It helped affirm me and helped me navigate through many dark moments of my life. I also understand the power of the screen. When I think about all the stories on stage and screen about people living with HIV, seldom are Black and Brown people reflected in the work. It’s almost always white cis queer affluent men. What I would love to create is a miniseries that holds space for the history of Black people living with HIV over the years in a really beautiful way. I realize now that my story and my life and my purpose is directly linked to service. I want to create spaces for individuals in my community who don’t get to see themselves reflected so that they can share their authentic selves.

One last question. How did Write It Out! catch Billy Porter’s attention?

I put out some personal feelers specifically about the Playwright’s Prize. A week later, my agent reached out and told me Billy Porter found out about Write It Out! and he wanted to support the prize. A few weeks after that, Billy officially disclosed his status publicly, which was such a beautiful moment and such a testament that people living with HIV can exist anywhere and everywhere and do phenomenal things.

Yes, and I have to say that Donja R. Love is one of those people doing phenomenal things as well. I can’t wait to see what you come up with next!

For more information about Write It Out! log onto https://www. letswriteitout.com.

For more information about The Each-Other Project, visit https:// www.theeachotherproject.com.

Follow Donja R. Love on Twitter or Instagram @donjarlove.

For more information about photographer Francis Hills, visit: francishills.com.

Chip Alfred is A&U’s Editor at Large, a public speaker, and a media and public relations consultant based in Philadelphia. Follow Chip on Facebook @ https://www.facebook.com/chip.alfred.5.

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WRITE OUT!

IT

W

hen we think of AIDS-themed plays, we may harken back to the 1980s and 1990s: The Normal Heart, by Larry Kramer, Love! Valour! Compassion!, by Terrence McNally, or Angels in America,

by Tony Kushner, to name a few. But if you are interested in moving beyond the canonical, which tends to center white, gay and cisgender men in their narratives, there are many plays to check out. This 2002 anthology would be a great start: Positive/Negative: Women of Color and HIV/ AIDS: A Collection of Plays, edited by Imani Harrington and Chyrell D. Bellamy. Or The Baltimore Waltz by Paula Vogel. Or Before It Hits Home by Cheryl West. Or one in two by Donja R. Love (see cover story). And pay close attention to the pieces coming out of Write It Out!, the workshop series for people living with HIV created and taught by Love, with program manager (and fellow playwright) Timothy DuWhite. We are so glad the following writers (and others) are sharing their talent and insights with the world:

The Glorious Struggle of The Charismatic Hero by Ebony Payne-English, Write It Out! 2020 cohort Blood Spill, by Lee Raines, Write It Out! 2020 cohort Five Years by Alfredo Trejo III, Write It Out! 2021 cohort Read on!

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• DECEMBER 2021

The Glorious Struggle of The Charismatic Hero

by Ebony Payne-English

Synopsis: The Glorious Struggle is a play that confronts the uncomfortable truths about being a high-functioning depressed queer in America. In this dark comedy, we follow six characters through their struggle with coming of age, suicide, relationships, and politics. The Glorious Struggle breaks the fourth wall and the mold to grant audiences the opportunity to mourn, heal, and cope together while honoring the journey of the artistic black gay intellectual.

INT: MT. ZION CARIBBEAN BISTRO There is an open mic night in progress. Lights come up on THE CHARISMATIC HERO sitting at the bar talking on the phone. THE CHARISMATIC HERO looks down the bar, recognizes someone, waves and continues their phone conversation. As THE CHARISMATIC HERO is waving, DEPRESSED GIRL WITH THE GOOD P*SSY enters into viewpoint. She thinks THE CHARISMATIC HERO is waving at her, smiles, waves back, and sits beside them to begin a conversation.THE CHARISMATIC HERO looks confused and scoots their chair further away. DEPRESSED GIRL WITH THE GOOD P*SSY realizes her mistake, shrinks in embarrassment and orders a drink. While she waits she begins to eavesdrop on THE CHARISMATIC HERO’s phone conversation.

THE CHARISMATIC HERO: (Failing to notice that the woman seated beside them is eavesdropping) I just feel so...lost. Like, all the time. It feels like I’m looking at myself from outside my body and everything about my life is all wrong….what do you mean how do I respond to that feeling? Like everybody else with good common sense. I get high or drunk or sexed, sometimes all three. (beat) Ugh..I don’t know how it makes me feel...alive I guess. (the host of the open mic calls THE CHARISMATIC HERO to the stage) Look, I gotta go. I’m up. Ok. Love you too.

(THE CHARISMATIC HERO steps up onto the stage and approaches the microphone.)

THE CHARISMATIC HERO: Peace family. Y’all already know I’m bad with introductions so I’ll just say this is a short poem I wrote yesterday on the bus while staring out the window and looking at all the new white people walking around my neighborhood. (clears throat and takes a shot) The fact of the matter is Andrew Jackson was allergic to the sun It’s fiery kisses blistered his skin Turned his pious pale into putrid pink I think that’s why he was such an ornery bandit Everything on this planet is fueled by rays But that Jackson shade be the coldest countenance That Jackson hate be a youthful fountain of “if you can’t be them,

kill them” If they thrive in the light, write a pact such as The Indian Removal Act To ensure the perpetuation of your place in this nation Even if in nature you have not one The trail of tears the people of the sun have cried Floods the Mississippi River some nights Does not evaporate with the mourning Yet without warning the sun rises with the spirit of 125,000 ances-

tors daily We innately continue to melanate and display compassion for those like Andrew Jackson who possess a tragic allergy to humanity, life and light If only a prescription would suffice…

DECEMBER 2021 •

(THE CHARISMATIC HERO chuckles and shrugs their shoulders) That’s it. Be blessed. Buy black. Good night.

(The crowd erupts with snaps and cheers. THE CHARISMATIC HERO returns to the same seat at the bar. The woman who was eavesdropping is still in her seat and for the first time they make eye contact) DEPRESSED GIRL WITH THE GOOD P*SSY: (Tilts her head and smiles) A bit presumptuous don’t you think?

THE CHARISMATIC HERO: Excuse me?

DEPRESSED GIRL WITH THE GOOD P*SSY: Your stage name. The Charismatic Hero? That’s kind of an asshole thing to call yourself.

THE CHARISMATIC HERO: I’m currently writing a book called The Glorious Struggle of the Charismatic Hero. Its a collection of twenty-seven poems I wrote about the one time I tried to kill myself but ended up driving myself to the hospital before my wrists bled out because I decided to save myself instead. And I’m not an asshole.

(THE CHARISMATIC HERO takes a shot) DEPRESSED GIRL WITH THE GOOD P*SSY: Pronouns?

THE CHARISMATIC HERO: Relevance?

DEPRESSED GIRL WITH THE GOOD P*SSY: Your pronouns, love. What are they?

THE CHARISMATIC HERO: (takes a good look at her and chuckles) Look, is there something I could help you with? I don’t enjoy small talk or strangers but I do enjoy this show and if it’s cool with you, I would like to focus my energy on that right now.

DEPRESSED GIRL WITH THE GOOD P*SSY: Oh, my bad homie. Don’t let me hold you up. I’m sure there’s nothing I need that you could help much with seeing as how I have an excellent sense of direction and you...well...you’re lost. Your words, not mine.

THE CHARISMATIC HERO: (stands) Yeah, I’m going to walk away right now before you find out why it’s not cool to trigger strangers. (begins to walk away) DEPRESSED GIRL WITH THE GOOD P*SSY: (shouts after THE CHARISMATIC HERO) I got stood up ok! I invited my ex here and he said he was coming and then sent me this wack ass text after I blew him up for 30 minutes talking about he’s feeling lost and how I’m toxic and some other dumb shit, I don’t know. The key quote of the entire text thread though is (does air quotes) do you realize how exhausting it is to be in love with someone who struggles with depression?

THE CHARISMATIC HERO: Are you asking me or…

DEPRESSED GIRL WITH THE GOOD P*SSY: No, no, no, I’m not asking you. That’s what that piece of shit said to me. I’m the depressed person he’s in love with and doesn’t want to be because my sadness makes him feel tired. If I had a stage name, I guess it would be Depressed Girl With The Good P*SSY. THE CHARISMATIC HERO: That’s actually kind of lit...as a stage name I mean.

35

DEPRESSED GIRL WITH THE GOOD P*SSY: I apologize for triggering and or antagonizing you. I just wanted someone to talk to. I was afraid to go home feeling this way.

THE CHARISMATIC HERO: Apology accepted. Are you good now? Do you need a hotline number?

DEPRESSED GIRL WITH THE GOOD P*SSY: Yeah, no, I’m good. I guess I just had to get it out.

THE CHARISMATIC HERO: Blessings then. I hope you have a better night. (walks away, sighs, and turns around) Do you smoke weed?

behind her ear) Yeah, me too. Your plug has some good. Please send my compliments.

THE CHARISMATIC HERO: (chuckles) I got you. But for real though, stay up alright. (turns and heads back to toward the door to the venue) DEPRESSED GIRL WITH THE GOOD P*SSY: (shouts after THE CHARISMATIC HERO) I used to sit behind you in history class. I wasn’t going to mention it because the fact you don’t remember me is humiliating enough but I wanted to tell you that you’re the only reason I didn’t drop out. I wanted to hear what you had to say. I enjoyed your debates with Mr. Button very much.

DEPRESSED GIRL WITH THE GOOD P*SSY: Yep!

THE CHARISMATIC HERO: MR. BUTTON’S CLASS!!! Yoooooo….that was so long ago. Please don’t charge it to my heart, beloved. I’ve smoked a lot of weed and have been through a lot of things since then.

THE CHARISMATIC HERO: I got a pre-roll we can split if you want. The owner lets me smoke on the patio if you care to join me.

DEPRESSED GIRL WITH THE GOOD P*SSY: Nah, you’re good. I just figured I’d mention that before I regretted not mentioning that.

(They exit to the patio as the open mic continues inside. THE CHARISMATIC HERO sparks up a blunt and passes it to DEPRESSED GIRL WITH THE GOOD P*SSY.)

THE CHARISMATIC HERO: No but seriously, I’m glad you did. Mr. Button’s class is the reason I became a history professor. Instead of complaining about the misinformation, I decided to disseminate the correct information.

THE CHARISMATIC HERO: So what are you into? How do you cope?

DEPRESSED GIRL WITH THE GOOD P*SSY: Wow...that’s very noble of you although the fact that it rhymed is hella corny.

(DEPRESSED GIRL WITH THE GOOD P*SSY takes two puffs and passes it) THE CHARISMATIC HERO: Nah, go ahead. Smoke. I got plenty.

DEPRESSED GIRL WITH THE GOOD P*SSY: (continues smoking) I paint black women.

THE CHARISMATIC HERO: Word. Like, body paint and all that?

DEPRESSED GIRL WITH THE GOOD P*SSY: (passes it back to THE CHARISMATIC HERO who accepts and begins to smoke) Nah, like on murals and large canvases and all that. (pulls out cell phone and begins to show images of her work) THE CHARISMATIC HERO: Whoa. This is doooooope. Like, how are you able to paint something so detailed that big? That’s crazy.

DEPRESSED GIRL WITH THE GOOD P*SSY: It’s really just a matter of scaling. If I can draw it in my sketchbook, I can put it on a wall. I just use larger proportions.

The hardest thing about muralling for me was using spray paint. It makes things so much quicker but it is very different from a paint brush.

THE CHARISMATIC HERO: (takes another puff and passes) I always wished I could draw but never had enough patience with myself to learn. You can keep the rest, I’m feeling good right about now.

DEPRESSED GIRL WITH THE GOOD P*SSY: (puts the blunt out and slides it

36

THE CHARISMATIC HERO: (chuckles) Well….what can I say? Life is a poem you know? That call you ear-hustled me on tonight was about me taking this professor of African American Studies job with an Ivy League.

DEPRESSED GIRL WITH THE GOOD P*SSY: Damn bruh, congratulations! That’s huge.

THE CHARISMATIC HERO: Is it though? I mean, I’m honored by their consideration but teaching the over privileged offspring of the 1% African American Studies is not at all how I planned to gain my tenure.

DEPRESSED GIRL WITH THE GOOD P*SSY: Whatever nigga. They paying over privileged 1% Ivy League professor salary?

THE CHARISMATIC HERO: Now you know I’m taxing. To move to Connecticut?!

Yeah, they gon’ have to pay me double but that’s not the point.

DEPRESSED GIRL WITH THE GOOD P*SSY: Ok. I’m picking up what you’re putting down ol’ Glorious Struggle head ass. But I say, the greatest way to get revenge on these crackas is your paper. GET YOUR MONEY!!!! Everything else will fall in line.

THE CHARISMATIC HERO: Good night ,Theresa.

DEPRESSED GIRL WITH THE GOOD P*SSY: Would you look at that? I thought

• DECEMBER 2021

you didn’t remember me.

THE CHARISMATIC HERO: I didn’t at first. But I do now. Peace and light. (they hug and THE CHARISMATIC HERO returns to the show while DEPRESSED GIRL WITH THE GOOD P*SSY stays on the patio and lights the blunt back up) DEPRESSED GIRL WITH THE GOOD P*SSY: (to audience) So what you don’t know is, in less than six months The Charismatic Hero will be dead. The Charismatic Hero kills themself on Christmas Eve this year after a series of meaningful yet unfortunate events. So, check it. The Charismatic Hero meets me here, shares an uber with me home, is persuaded to accept a job at Yale, moves to Connecticut, locks themselves out of their staff apartment, a neighbor calls the police thinking The Charismatic Hero is a burglar, the police arrive and begin escalating the situation, one of The Charismatic Hero’s students walks by and tells the police that The Charismatic Hero did in fact live there, the police then leave. The neighbor that called the police comes out to apologize and explain. Turns out Sad Dad over here is married to a Crazy Karen who spotted The Charismatic Hero trying to open the window from the outside. Sad Dad offers The Charismatic Hero some LSD as restitution. The Charismatic Hero accepts and in a horrific display of poor judgment, invites the student to come along for the trip. And that’s when shit started to get all fucked up.

(DEPRESSED GIRL WITH THE GOOD P*SSY leaves the patio and re-enters the venue. She walks over to where THE CHARISMATIC HERO is standing and whispers something into THE CHARISMATIC HERO’s ear. THE CHARISMATIC HERO processes the information pleasurably.)

THE CHARISMATIC HERO: Damn, it’s like that huh? A few minutes ago, you were waiting on your ex to come in here and take you back but now you’re trying to show me the Fenty?! This is why women deserve less, I tell you. (laughs out loud) DEPRESSED GIRL WITH THE GOOD P*SSY: A few minutes ago, you said you weren’t an asshole. Now look at you, slut shaming like a donkey of the day. This good P*SSY and I are very disappointed in you we must say. We had such high hopes. Ain’t that a bitch.

THE CHARISMATIC HERO: (chuckles) Oh no, please don’t misunderstand me, I will fuck you. Extraordinarily. Without a second thought about buddy. I just wanted to make sure I understood you correctly, that’s all. I’m on team soulmate you know? (giggles and takes another shot) DEPRESSED GIRL WITH THE GOOD P*SSY: Nigga please! Don’t try and cop a plea now.

THE CHARISMATIC HERO: What made you choose here of all places to rekindle with your ex? I’m here every week and I’ve never seen you before. Also a bar where drunken strangers are performing emotionally charged poetry all night is probably not the most ideal spot for romance.

DEPRESSED GIRL WITH THE GOOD P*SSY: I was trying to be spontaneous.

DECEMBER 2021 •

Besides...I like drunken strangers and emotionally charged poetry. (beat) How did you learn to write poems?

THE CHARISMATIC HERO: I don’t know. I always could I guess. When I was little, I used to write my own Easter speeches. My dad thought it was cute. He used to tell me I was going to get rich writing the words for Hallmark Cards. I liked the way it felt to impress him so I kept writing.

DEPRESSED GIRL WITH THE GOOD P*SSY: Awww, that’s sweet.

THE CHARISMATIC HERO: Living the dream right? Turns out that I’m queer though...and so...Jesus hates me...and as a result, my dad is no longer impressed with anything about me including the fact that we’re related. (takes another shot) DEPRESSED GIRL WITH THE GOOD P*SSY: So if you don’t impress him anymore, why do you continue to write poems?

THE CHARISMATIC HERO: Because I like the way it feels to be impressed with myself...and the only time I feel that way is when I’m writing, when I’m performing, or when I teach.

DEPRESSED GIRL WITH THE GOOD P*SSY: Do you really like Fenty?

THE CHARISMATIC HERO: What’s not to like?

DEPRESSED GIRL WITH THE GOOD P*SSY: Take this Uber with me and I’ll show you the new collection.

THE CHARISMATIC HERO: Alright, bet. (pulls out cell phone to request Uber) What’s the address?

The two exit stage together.

End Scene.

Ebony Payne-English is a poet, lyricist, playwright, and educator from Duval County.

She is the first woman to establish her own chapter of the international poetry organization, Black on Black Rhyme. Ebony is the 2017 Cultural Council of Greater Jacksonville’s Emerging Artist and recipient of the Spoken Word Gala’s 2017 William Bell Humanitarian Award. Ebony currently serves as Executive Director of The Performers Academy, a 501(3)(c) arts education organization, and is a founding member of the Board of Directors for Southern Fried Poetry, Inc. which produces the largest adult regional poetry slam in the nation. Ebony is the author of the graphic novel, The Random Happenings, as well as an award-winning poetry collection, Secrets of Ma’at.

Ebony’s critically acclaimed play, On Purpose, was her debut as an American playwright and was soon followed by her 5 play series, The Goddess Experience. Her debut film, Kuongoza, is the winner of Best Artistic Film at the 2021 Detroit Black Film Festival.

37

Blood Spill

by Lee Raines

Cast of Characters ANGELA TURNER Black. About 40. Artistic Director of a top-tier New York Theater company.

Smartly dressed. No-nonsense.

KENNY KING Black. About 40. HIV-positive activist and playwright. Dressed in full ACT UP attire. Passionate and self-confident.

Setting 1991. New York City. ANGELA TURNER’s well-appointed office in midtown Manhattan.

ANGELA TURNER is seated at her desk. Her phone rings. She picks it up.

ANGELA: Yes?

(ANGELA sighs, takes a breath.)

Great! Send him in.

(KENNY enters.)

KENNY: ANGELA: KENNY:

Kenny! Oh my God! Kenny King!

Hi Angela.

Hey, don’t I get a hug?

Of course.

(KENNY and ANGELA hug.)

ANGELA: Wow, wow, wow, fifteen fucking years!

KENNY: No way, Angela, we graduated in ’76. It’s only 1991, that’s——wait,

you’re right. Fifteen? That’s crazy!

ANGELA: Well, you look fantastic. This look——it’s really good on you.

KENNY: It’s not a fashion statement, but thanks. You look good, too, Angela.

Nice office.

ANGELA: Honestly, it’s a little much for me, but I have to butter up rich donors

in here. Don’t worry, I’m still a slob, but nowadays all my mess is

stuffed into these fancy cabinets. Sit, sit. (KENNY sits.) How have we

not crossed paths since college? You’ve been in New York this whole time?

KENNY: Yeah, but I work mostly out of town.

ANGELA: I saw that résumé of yours! The Guthrie, the Goodman, you’ve

worked in some fabulous theaters, kiddo, and played some delicious

roles! But you were always such a fine actor. And you’re a writer

now? When did you start writing?

KENNY: A few years ago. This is only my second play.

ANGELA: Wait. That show downtown was your first play? (KENNY nods.) The

show that got all the reviews? That item in the New Yorker? That was

your first play? Kenny, do you have any idea how many asses I have

to kiss to get an item in the New Yorker?

KENNY: It was only a couple lines.

ANGELA: It was a paragraph! In the New Yorker! They called you an “audacious

up-and-comer”!

KENNY: Too bad it came out after the show closed.

ANGELA: Who cares? Those things can launch a career, Kenny! I am so

bummed I didn’t get to see the show. And Kenny, while we’re on

the subject, I am so sorry I didn’t make it to David’s memorial

38

service. I got your beautiful invitation, but we were up to our eye

balls in tech. I’m so sorry.

KENNY: It’s okay. I knew it was a long shot. I just wanted you to know about

it. David thought the world of you. He always knew you’d be a success.

ANGELA: I heard the service was lovely.

KENNY: Yeah. It was nice.

ANGELA: How long has it been, two months?

KENNY: Three.

ANGELA: Three months. I just cannot get over the fact that you two stayed

together since college.

KENNY: Well . . . David and I weren’t lovers.

ANGELA: No? KENNY: In college, yeah. But when we moved to New York, that kinda——

fizzled out.

ANGELA: I’m so sorry. I thought Danielle told me—— KENNY: Yeah, no. That’s partly our fault. We let people think what they want

ed. But technically we were just friends. Close friends, y’know,

but——I dunno. It was complicated.

ANGELA: Got it. This must be so hard on you. David was such a love.

KENNY: Yeah. (beat) Is it okay if we change the subject?

ANGELA: Yes, yes, of course.

KENNY: And Angela, listen. I just wanna say, no matter what, I really

appreciate you reading my play and giving me this opportunity. It’s

been a great experience, even getting this far, so thanks, and if it’s a

no, y’know, no hard feelings. “That’s show biz”, right? So. Yes or no?

ANGELA: Kenny, you have written quite a play.

KENNY: It’s no, isn’t it?

ANGELA: I’m sorry.

KENNY: God dammit.

ANGELA: It was a very difficult decision.

KENNY: Was it? Really? What did you decide? Whose play are you doing?

ANGELA: We’re doing Dream Deferred.

KENNY: Are you shitting me?

ANGELA: Dream Deferred is a good play, Kenny. It’s beautifully written,

with some terrific roles for the actors. Its arguments are clear and

persuasive. (KENNY scoffs.) Your play, Blood Spill——and granted,

there is some powerful, powerful writing here Kenny, but there are

serious structural problems. And technically, I mean, there’s——all

that blood. Hold on, where’s that section? I flagged it.

KENNY:

ANGELA:

KENNY:

(ANGELA opens KENNY’s script.)

Here we go, “The stage is empty except for a large fire hose. The nozzle of the hose starts to move back and forth, and blood begins to drip from the nozzle. The hose slithers across the stage, pouring out more and more blood, until it is a writhing, twisting mass, spurting blood in all directions. Finally, the hose shoots straight up, lets loos a long orgasmic stream of blood, and falls to the ground, spent and exhausted.” That’s quite a mess, Kenny. And we’re still in Act One! Audiences don’t like blood spraying around like that.

They’re not supposed to like it, Angela. It’s a play. It’s not a beauty contest. I want the audience to get upset.

Oh, they’ll be upset all right. All the way to the dry cleaners. Kenny, I’m sorry, I just don’t see how this play is producible. We are talking fake blood, right?

Of course it’s fake blood. And people don’t mind a little mess. Look at that Gallagher guy. He smashes watermelons with a sledgeham

• DECEMBER 2021

mer.

ANGELA: Kenny, if you ever compare a show in my theater to a Gallagher

performance, I will ruin you!

KENNY: Fine, if it’s such a big deal, the audience doesn’t have to get sprayed.

The designers can work it out so the blood stays on stage. We’ll spray

‘em when the show moves to Broadway.

ANGELA: We’re still talking a lot of blood, Kenny. We have a budget.

KENNY: Oh, come on. This place has tons of money. You did that show with

all the rain last year. This is just rain with red food coloring.

ANGELA: That fucking rain show. I swore “never again”. Kenny listen. I love

your passion. And I adore you. I always have. But even if we could

solve the technical issues, my audience is older. And affluent. Yes,

it’s an important issue, I get that, but with this subject, you need to

appeal to people’s better instincts, their sense of reason.

KENNY: Oh, that’s what Dream Deferred does? This “well-written play”

with lots of “terrific roles”——all of them “heroic” in some way so you

can talk Hollywood actors into playing them and pull some more

suckers into your seats?

ANGELA: Stop right there, Kenny. You think insulting me, my audience or

my actors is gonna get you anywhere? I invited you here as a favor

because we have a shared history and I wanted to tell you in person.

It’s good news, Kenny. You made it into the top five out of over three

hundred submissions. Even agent submissions. I thought you’d be

happy.

KENNY: Happy that my play isn’t getting produced? No, Angela, I’m not

happy. I can’t take a no on this.

ANGELA: This isn’t college, Kenny. You can’t argue with the professor for a

higher grade. You got very, very, very close, but my job is to put asses

in seats. And I don’t see Blood Spill doing that. P.S., your show

comes with a huge budget.

KENNY: You think I don’t know that? Angela, that’s why Blood Spill has

to be done here. It needs a prestige theater. If it’s done here, people

will be talking about the show before it even opens. People will

be talking about AIDS. That’s what needs to happen. AIDS needs

to be part of the public conversation! You can take a risk. You’ve got

tons of subscribers.

ANGELA: I’m sorry, Kenny, we’re already moving forward on Dream Deferred.

The calls are going out this afternoon.

KENNY: You haven’t made the calls yet?

ANGELA: Kenny, stop, you’re killing me! If it’s any consolation, the final

decision came down to two choices.

KENNY: God dammit! You’re telling me it was down to two fucking AIDS

plays and you chose the safe one? The one with no real villains,

the one where no one worries about money, which means it should

be taking place on Mars, the play that makes people feel good about

themselves when they should be out in the streets screaming

for the blood of Reagan, Bush, Quayle and Clinton? That appeals to

our “better instincts”? Not to mention that awful title. Jesus, he

steals his title from Langston fucking Hughes, from Raisin in the fucking Sun, Lorraine Fucking Hansberry, and there aren’t any black

people in it? What the fuck? Is that even legal? Who does that?

ANGELA: Kenny, you might wanna soft-pedal the trashing of other playwrights

in these situations.

KENNY: It’s okay, I know the guy. We’re friends. He sent me the script

for feedback. That was awkward. I swear, if I have to read one

more AIDS play where the dead guy shows up at the end all dressed

in white in a fucking spotlight, I’m gonna slit my wrists——Hey!

That could be a good bit. Listen, listen, seriously——there’s a guy

DECEMBER 2021 •

ANGELA: KENNY:

ANGELA: KENNY: ANGELA:

KENNY:

in the audience, right? First row center. He’s an actor, a plant, right?

He’s all disheveled, crazy-lookin’, he makes a big commotion finding his seat. Halfway through the first act, he stands up, turns to the audience and yells, “This play fucking sucks! This is supposed to be about AIDS? It’s a lie! I have AIDS! This is what AIDS is like!” And he takes out a knife and slashes his own throat. He’s like, “Ughlllkkk!”

Blood spurts!

Kenny, stop! No! (beat) You had me until the blood spurted.

It doesn’t have to spurt! It doesn’t! He can have a friend with him!

Yeah, a girl sitting next to him, and uh, yeah, a scarf, she has a white scarf and she wraps his neck and comforts him and helps him up the aisle, and she’s like, “I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry! He’s not really like this. It’s the AIDS! It’s all the medications he’s on! I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry!” (beat) The audience is like, “What the fuck? Did that really happen?” It’s so perfect. I’m putting it in the show.

I might be going crazy. But that could work.

See? See! You get me! You totally get me!

“Totally” might be pushing it. But I do understand you. Kenny, let me ask you a question. Why did you write this play?

Because I want people to know what it’s like to have AIDS. And I want people talking about it. For Christ’s sake, it’s 1991, we’re ten years in, and nobody talks about AIDS. Even in New York, even in the theater, if you’re not queer or HIV-positive, it’s like it’s not even happening.

There’s a lot of blood in the show because, right after I got my diagnosis, this was ’87, March 5th, anyway, the next morning, the first thought that popped into my head, even before my eyes opened was, “My blood is toxic. I have poison in my blood.” My first thought every morning for a year.

And also. . . when I think about people with AIDS, and caring for them, all I think about is blood. Mostly because of David. He was in hospital after hospital, each one worse than the one before.

He’d run out of money, and he didn’t have insurance and the hospitals didn’t know what to do with him, because he had this intense panic reaction to IVs. Whenever they put one in, his first reaction, like primal reaction was to yank it out. He knew he shouldn’t, but he couldn’t help himself. He’d pull them out in his sleep. He had toxoplasmosis and he was on way too many drugs, so his mind was shot and he was so full of rage at that point. But come on, who wouldn’t be?

Sometimes he’d be lying there, quiet, calm, and you’re like, thank God, the morphine kicked in and he’d bolt up and scream, “Auuuughhhh!” and yank out the IV. Blood would shoot everywhere, he’d scream, and cry, the nurses would take forever, and I’d have to clean it up, blood all over me, on the walls, the floor, everywhere.

They had to strap him to his bed, Angela. For his own good, but he didn’t understand that. He’d scream at me, “They’re torturing me!

Why are you letting them do this? You promised me! I hate you! I hate your fucking guts!”

I didn’t know what to do. I was trying to work, cater-waitering, but I kept having to give up my shifts. I had to ask my parents for rent money. I couldn’t even tell them why. I couldn’t bring him home, I had roommates. He ended up going home to his parents. In fucking Ohio. His awful, evil, hateful family. I promised I’d be with him at

39

ANGELA:

KENNY: ANGELA:

KENNY: ANGELA:

KENNY:

the end. But I couldn’t. I failed him, Angela. And there was so much blood.

Kenny. I’m not promising anything, but if, if we do your play, would you be willing to work with a dramaturg?

Are you kidding me? Yes yes yes!

You’re gonna have to really work with her, Kenny. You can’t get all defensive. There’ll be cuts. Big cuts.

I love cuts! I’m fine with cuts! Angela, I can do this, I swear!

Kenny, this is absolutely confidential. Tell no one! And I’m not promising anything! (ANGELA picks up phone.) Danielle? Have you made any calls about Dream Deferred? Good, good, hold off on them. Meanwhile, I need to meet with Ann, Craig and Terrence today, early afternoon. Mandatory. It’s about a possible change in the season. (ANGELA hangs up phone.) Kenny. That story you just told me about why you wrote this play. Have you told that to anyone else? Was that rehearsed?

Well, I mean…it’s all true. But maybe.

END OF PLAY

Lee Raines was diagnosed HIV-positive thirty-two years ago in March 1989. Over the years, he has worked with ACT UP, Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS, AIDS Walk New York, GMHC, and Hollywood Supports. He is featured in Living Proof: Courage in the Face of AIDS, and The AIDS Generation–Stories of Survival and Resilience.

Blood Spill was developed through the Write It Out! workshop for HIV-positive writers led by Donja R. Love and program manager Timothy DuWhite. A former singer/ dancer/actor, Lee performed with Chita Rivera in the musical Chicago. Blood Spill won Honorable Mention in the 2021 Chris Hewitt Awards.

40

• DECEMBER 2021

Five Years

by Alfredo Trejo III

Synopsis: Five Years, an autofiction piece, is a coming-of-age story that follows Fredo, a young Mexican/Salvadoran American living in East Los Angeles. We follow Fredo as he navigates coming out to his parents, finding love, learning he is HIV positive, and the whirlwind of growing up poor in the second largest city in the US. Fredo is reflecting how his father’s lectures change when Fredo comes out as gay. Later we learn that a major source of stress for Fredo when he finds out he is HIV-positive is feeling like he has failed his father. The following is an excerpt.

Ever since I can remember, my dad has always lectured me and my siblings about sex. He felt it was his duty to caution us, “Always use a condom when you have sex. You don’t want kids before you’re ready. And you don’t want a million of them.” My dad had his first child with his first wife at the age of 18. It was the 1970s and the norm was to have kids young, but that’s not what he had planned for himself. He was supposed to enjoy his youth, buy a home, and then start his family. But his whole life trajectory changed with the unexpected event. He ended up having seven kids from three different wives. He was proud that all were scheduled, except the first and the last. And like the broken record he is, we all got constant lectures about condoms to prevent unanticipated children. Always use a condom when you have sex.

Once I reached middle school, he showed where he kept his stash of condoms.

In case I ever needed them, I knew where to find them in the top left corner drawer.

It’s not that he encouraged me to have sex, but he knew that I would eventually. He wanted all his sons and daughters prepared to make different decisions than him.

So, we always heard, “You don’t want kids before you’re ready. And you don’t want a million of them.” But the track changed for me the moment I came out to him when I was 15.

I set the date to tell my dad I was gay months in advance. I told myself, “I’m going to tell him when the perfect opportunity shows up, or on this date. Whichever comes first.” I waited till the last day possible because I wasn’t brave enough to take any of the openings. As my dad would say, “You have to keep your word. Especially to yourself.” I walked into the room and tapped his leg.

“Dad, can I talk to you outside?”

He sensed the gravity of the situation. He put on his slippers and coat without hesitation. But once outside his trailer house, I lost the words. I had written down a small speech about how I didn’t want to disappoint him. That this would not change the life he had built for me in his head. Once the ultrasound showed I had a penis, and he gave me my name, he started laying down the foundation for my future. But he detected the seismic shift that night.

“Mijo, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Dad, I’m gay.”

After a short interlude, the new track began.

“I love you mijo. That is never going to change. But I don’t want you to die because you had sex. You can’t trust gay men. They are…What’s that word again?

Promiscuous. If I wanted to have sex with a woman right now, outside of this trailer, it would never happen. I need to take her out to dinner and say some romantic shit.

But gay men, they can have sex anywhere. And they want to have sex everywhere.

Please mijo, always wear a condom. I’ve told you this your whole life, you don’t want to die because you had sex.”

Alfredo Trejo III (he/him) is a queer scholar, artist, and activist born and raised in East and South East Los Angeles. He earned a BA from the University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA), an MS from Carnegie Mellon University, and is currently working on his PhD at UCLA. His research examines the politics of development in Latin America. Alfredo is a storyteller whose work centers Latine people and HIV/AIDS. Alfredo lives in Boyle Heights, where he makes his own kombucha and sourdough bread.

DECEMBER 2021 •

41

LIFEGU I D E PFIZER SET TO COVID

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DRUG HELP FIGHT

fizer hopes the Food and Drug Administration will approve a new indication of one of its long-established HIV drugs, which, in combination with Pfizer’s COVID pill candidate, PF-07321332, has been shown to cut the risk of COVID-related hospitalization or death by 89% in high-risk adults who have been exposed to the virus. (Merck is another company that has developed an efficacious oral drug for COVID; Gilead Sciences has developed an intravenous drug, remdesivir.)

Those in the AIDS community may be familiar with Pfizer’s HIV pill as ritonavir (Norvir), a protease inhibitor that has been approved for the treatment of HIV in combination with other drugs. Ritonavir extends the bioavailability of the COVID pill, allowing it to break down slower to stay active in the body for longer at higher concentrations. The COVID pill alone has been shown to be efficacious.

Pfizer’s decision to submit the COVID pill candidate to the FDA is based on results from a mid-to-late stage study of 1,219 adults who had at least one underlying medical condition and a laboratory-confirmed infection within a five-day period. Study participants also received ritonavir at a low dose.

Among the 607 trial participants who received the combo within five days of symptom onset, six participants were hospitalized and none died. In the placebo group (612 participants), there were forty-one hospitalizations and ten deaths.

The company plans to submit data to the FDA before Thanksgiving and states it has the capacity to deliver 50 million treatments immediately.

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ISLATRAVIR/ DORAVIRINE COMBO WEEK 144 RESULTS SHOW VIRAL SUPPRESSION

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erck announced new study results for an antiretroviral treatment that combines doravirine and islatravir. Doravirine is an FDA-approved drug for the treatment of adults living with HIV-1 in combination with other antiretovirals [as as single agent: Pifeltro; and as a component of a single-tablet regimen: Delstrigo, or doravirine/lamivudine/tenofovir disoproxil fumarate (DOR/3TC/ TDF)]. Islatravir is an investigational nucleoside reverse transcriptase translocation inhibitor being studied for the treatment of people living with HIV-1 infection as part of HAART therapy.

A Phase 2b dose-ranging study is analyzing the antiretroviral activity, tolerability, and safety of islatravir/doravirine compared to DOR/3TC/TDF in antiretroviral treatment-naïve adults with HIV-1.

Data through 144 weeks showed that islatravir/doravirine continued to maintain viral suppression, comparable to DOR/3TC/TDF. Viral suppression was maintained across the islatravir/doravirine combo dose levels being studied: 0.25 mg, 0.75 mg, and 2.25 mg. Nearly three-quarters of these study participants (72.2%) achieved and maintained viral suppression, a percentage similar to the DOR/3TC/ TDF group (77.4%).

The tolerability and safety profile was also shared. When comparing participants experiencing at least one adverse event in the islatravir/doravirine groups and the DOR/3TC/TDF, group the proportion was similar. 89.7%, 90.0%, and 77.4% of participants experienced AEs in the 0.25 mg, 0.75 mg, and 2.25 mg islatravir/doravirine groups, respectively, after 144 weeks. Overall, 85.6% of the combined islatravir combined with doravirine groups experienced adverse events, as compared to 87.1% in the DOR/3TC/TDF group.

In other studies (ILLUMINATE SWITCH A and B), the islatravir/ doravirine combo is being studied in people with HIV-1 who have achieved viral suppression on ART. Other groups are also being evaluated, including people who are heavily treatment experienced and treatment-naive pediatric patients who are virologically suppressed.

Islatravir is also being studied as a monotherapy for the prevention of HIV-1.

• DECEMBER 2021

RADIAN RADIATES!

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photo by Radian 2021

Vera, a RADIAN Changemaker

DECEMBER 2021 •

reating change for the better for individuals affected by HIV/ AIDS­——whether in the area of treatment, prevention, education, novel partnerships, or community development——is multifaceted work. And many have stepped up to the challenge in Eastern Europe and Central Asia (EECA).

Meet Tony, a non-binary activist from Georgia, who works to amplify the voices of local transgender people as they advocate for HIV. Meet Lyubov, a woman living with HIV from Kazakhstan, who educates staff in healthcare institutions and shelter homes for women experiencing homelessness about HIV stigma and discrimination.

Meet Vera, a woman living with HIV from Russia, who heads up a local organization that provides community-based services for people impacted by HIV, including people who use drugs and people who have been previously incarcerated.

Meet Svyatoslav, from Kazakhstan, who is at the helm of a local organization that reaches out to men who have sex with men in the country’s largest city to help end the HIV epidemic.

A new campaign, introduced at the 18th European AIDS Conference, seeks to honor and celebrate a diverse range of people living with HIV and their community partners in Eastern Europe and Central Asia by helping to tell their stories. The campaign is called RADIAN Changemakers and it was created by the Elton John AIDS Foundation in partnership with Gilead Sciences, Inc. Eastern Europe and Central Asia has been hard hit by the HIV/AIDS pandemic; it is one of the few regions in the world where the annual HIV infection rates continues to increase. Currently, an estimated 1.6 million people are living with HIV/AIDS in EECA. Alongside Changemakers, the RADIAN partnership also features the RADIAN “Model Cities” program, which provides substantial funding to HIV-focused efforts in key EECA cities and regions, and the RADIAN “Unmet Need” fund, which supports initiatives across EECA that focus on HIV prevention and care,

education, community empowerment, and novel partnerships.

David Furnish, Chairman, Board, Elton John AIDS Foundation, said in a prepared release: “It’s critical that we, the global HIV community, continue to shine a light on the epidemic in Eastern Europe and Central Asia, but also that we recognise ending AIDS in the region is an achievable goal. We are proud and excited to be able to recognize the remarkable work being delivered by the RADIAN Changemakers and hope that sharing their stories will inspire us all to continue to work for change in the region.”

Alex Kalomparis, Vice President, Public Affairs, International, Gilead Sciences, stated: “To leave no one behind in the global efforts to end HIV and AIDS, the RADIAN Changemakers campaign emphasises our commitment to going where the need is greatest, and supporting the people most affected by HIV. We are excited to share the remarkable stories of these people who are the leaders in ending this epidemic.”

Vera, a RADIAN Changemaker from Yekaterinburg, Russia, was prompted by her own HIV diagnosis to work steadfastly to help others like herself in need, creating an organization that supports people living with and at risk of HIV: “We are just one of many community partners across the region who are making a real difference to key populations affected by HIV. It’s critical that we have the opportunity to share our learnings and build partnerships to create a more effective HIV response here. Although we have unique challenges to overcome, there are truly inspiring community-led projects and programmes which will help end AIDS in EECA. I am so proud to be part of the RADIAN Changemakers campaign; I hope creating awareness of the work we are doing in Russia will inspire others to address the urgent needs of the key populations affected by the HIV epidemic in EECA.” For more information about RADIAN, the Changemakers campaign and the RADIAN “Model Cities” program, visit: www.radianhiv.org.

43

SPOT LIGHT SPOTLIGHT

Transgender and Gender Diverse Health Care The Fenway Guide

Editors Drs. Alex S. Keuroghlian, Jennifer Potter, and Sari L. Reisner McGraw Hill Professional

A

s the first case-based textbook to address the needs of an adult patient population that often faces barriers to accessing and engaging in healthcare, Transgender and Gender Diverse Health Care is a much-needed addition to any healthcare setting.

In a prepared release, one of the guide’s coeditors, Sari L. Reisner, Sc.D, Director of Transgender Health Research at The Fenway Institute, Assistant Professor of Medicine at Harvard Medical School,and Director of Transgender Research at Brigham and Women’s Hospital based in the Division of Endocrinology, Diabetes and Hypertension, stated: “We have long known that transgender and gender diverse adults experience health care disparities largely rooted in stigma, including acts of discrimination that take place in health care settings. Our textbook applies a health-equity model of care and provides guidance for clinicians when addressing health needs of transgender and gender diverse communities.”

Written by Fenway Health clinicians, researchers, staff members and other experts, the first edition of this guide covers a multitude of topics, including history and epidemiology of transgender and gender diverse healthcare; primary, preventive, and specialty care considerations for transgender and gender diverse patients; hormonal, surgical and non-medical gender affirmation; trauma-informed and gender-affirming care; behavior health, eating disorders and body positivity; reproductive health, obstetrical care, and family building; treatment of HIV and sexually transmitted infections; and community building, advocacy and partnership, among others. For decades, Fenway Health has set a high standard for meeting the needs of LGBTQIA+ people, BIPOC individuals, and other underserved communities through culturally competent healthcare, supportive services, and research and education. With this guide, Fenway Health continues to offer vital resources to physicians.

Said Dr. Jennifer Potter, Co-Chair of The Fenway Institute at Fenway Health, Professor of Medicine at Harvard Medical School, and co-editor of The Fenway Guide to Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Health, published in 2015: “Medical providers have a responsibility to be familiar with the most up-to-date scientific and clinical information, and they can find all of that information and more in this guide, which highlights key aspects of gender identity emergence across the lifespan and provides much-needed guidance on both hormonal and surgical gender affirmation.”

Purchase your copy of Transgender and Gender Diverse Health Care: The Fenway Guide at any major general and medical bookseller. It is also available for purchase through https:// www.mhprofessional.com/ and Amazon.com.

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• DECEMBER 2021

BO OKS BOOKS

Stitch by Stitch

Cleve Jones and the AIDS Memorial Quilt

by Rob Sanders Illustrated by Jamey Christoph

S

titch by Stitch: Cleve Jones and the AIDS Memorial Quilt brilliantly introduces young readers (ages 4–8) to an activist and the reasons he created one of the most enduring tributes to individuals who have died from AIDS-related causes. We meet Cleve as a baby yet to be born, as his great-grandmother is sewing a quilt for him. Later, he remembers this warmth when the world withdraws its compassion. Homespun love transforms into friendship among “people on the fringes,” the bonds of community, and a passion for justice. Change for the better evolves stitch by stitch and page by page.

One of the strengths of the book is its ability to explain complex social and political contexts to emerging readers without turning its back on difficult moments. For example, the White Night Riots are deftly described in three brief sentences: Then came the day when Harvey Milk and Mayor George Moscone were assasinated.

Cleve and his friends were angry. Sad. Hurt.

Their feelings came rumbling out on the streets.

Other writers might have shied away from the political context of the time and punishing emotions, like the feeling of abandonment and being judged, that people living with AIDS experienced, but not Sanders, who has previously written about peaceful protest, Harvey Milk, and Albert D.J. Cashier, a transgender Civil War soldier, among other subjects. The illustrations by Jamey Christoph complement this devotion to everyday outcasts caught up in a harsh world by depicting the characters with soft lines and gentle washes of color but rendering the emotions sharply. The images of the Quilt panels reflect the blue and white of the sky above; its other colors echo the world around these characters. Author and illustrator have previously combined their talents for Stonewall. A Building. An Uprising. A Revolution.

Sometimes, however, the book fumbles complexity. Throughout I wished that the book provided more specifics about HIV as a virus (though a glossary and timeline helps in this regard) and more clarification about the origin of AIDS and the “spread” of the disease. Stitch by Stitch gives the inaccurate impression that gay men in the U.S. were the origin of the disease and that the virus seemingly traveled outward from one locus.

DECEMBER 2021 •

Healthy young gay men began to be diagnosed with unusual symptoms...

The illness spread from one city to another.

From state to state.

From country to country....

It skates close to rehashing the Patient Zero myth. The Discussion Guide does make note that the myth is untrue but I am not clear why the book follows the predominant narrative of the time and effectively erases people who were not gay——people who identified as same-gender-loving, people of transgender experience, people who lived with hemophilia, people who used injection drugs, and so on. The misstep mars the otherwise elegant writing, which makes good use of repetition to engage young readers in the very act of remembrance that is the subject of the book.

Overall, Stitch by Stitch echoes the steadfastness of Cleve Jones’ activism and the work of others like Joseph Durant and Gert McMullin. For every down, there is an up. For every problem, there can be a solution. The inner confidence of the book allows readers to trust in the capacity to transform the world in a positive way.

—Chael Needle Chael Needle writes fiction and poetry when he is not editing. Follow him on Twitter @ChaelNeedle.

45

Amida Care is here for you, as always. When you’re ready, our Medicaid health insurance gives you access to: $0 monthly premium and low/no cost copays A large network of doctors, hospitals, pharmacies, dentists, and more

Treatment and preventive care for a safe, healthy sex life, including PrEP and ARVs Health advocates to help you every step of the way Help with housing referrals, job training, and other support programs

HEALTH. ADVOCACY. CARE.

www.AmidaCareNY.org

STANDING STRONG with you and for you.

Contact us for confidential answers: 1-855-GO-AMIDA (1-855-462-6432), TTY 711 Amida Care complies with Federal civil rights laws. Amida Care does not exclude people or treat them differently because of race, color, national origin, age, disability, or sex. ATENCIÓN: si habla español, tiene a su disposición servicios gratuitos de asistencia lingüística.

Llame al 1-800-556-0689, TTY 711. 注意：如果您使用繁體中文，您可以免費獲得語言援助服務。請致電 1-800-556-0689, TTY 711.

Stock photo with model.

A Calendar of Events

lifelines

V

isual AIDS’ most popular and most successful annual benefit auction, Postcards from the Edge, will occur from Saturday, January 8 at 10:00 a.m. EST through Friday, January 14 at midnight EST. Due to uncertainties around the Delta variant of the COVID-19 virus, the event will be held virtually again this year.

Every year, Visual AIDS gathers postcard-size artwork from artists who are living with HIV or otherwise affected by HIV. Last year, Postcards from the Edge featured 1,069 artworks submitted from twenty-five countries. They sold over 700 artworks in the first two hours of the sale and sold out over the course of the weekend.

All postcard artworks submitted to Visual AIDS are photographed and scanned. Those images are uploaded to a dedicated virtual viewing space. All artworks will remain anonymous until purchased. To assist collectors with online viewing, the auction site will include information such as title and medium for each work along with high resolution images. For more information about how the virtual benefit will work, please visit https://visualaids. org/events.

Visual AIDS hopes that all avid collectors, especially those new to the event, will join them online in January to purchase artwork. Your support

DECEMBER 2021 •

will help Visual AIDS generate the income they need to carry out their work.

Visual AIDS is the only arts organization fully committed to raising AIDS awareness and creating dialogues around HIV issues today. They produce art projects, exhibitions, public forums, and publications, while assisting HIV-positive artists and preserving their legacy.

This year’s event is dedicated to Louise Fishman (1939–2021), a brilliant artist and a great friend and supporter of Visual AIDS. For more information, write to info@visualaids.org.

47

IN MEMORIAM Jeannie Wraight

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1968-2021

n late summer, I received an email from Jeannie Wraight, who had taken a break from writing for A&U. She was eager to dive back in and contributed a piece about food insecurity for people living with HIV/AIDS during the COVID pandemic. She let me know more pitches were on the way. Bring them on, I wrote back enthusiastically.

So, it jolted me to learn that Jeannie Wraight died in late October, on the 28th. Too soon. Didn’t the universe get the memo? She had more to write, more to say, more to do, more jewelry to design, more animals to rescue, more vaccine research to analyze. The world will forever miss her heart and her advocacy. Our condolences go out to her husband, family, and friends.

Like any good health journalist, Jeannie was a stalwart researcher and fearless interviewer. She had attended over seventy-five HIV scientific conferences around the world and generously shared what she learned with readers. She served as the former editor-in-chief and co-founder of HIV and HCV Haven (www.hivhaven.com) and was a blogger and writer for TheBody.com. She also served as a member of the Board of Directors of Health People, a community-based organization in the South Bronx and an advisor to TRW (Teach me to Read and Write), a community-based organization in Kampala, Uganda. A long-time HIV treatment activist, she was a past member of ACT UP NY. She was a co-founder of Nets Against Malaria in Uganda (NAMIUganda).

In her tenure at A&U she often strove to highlight underserved patient populations and novel therapeutics, whether the candidates were being researched at established pharmaceutical companies or small biotechs.

She also covered the HIV vaccine beat in her A&U column, Destination: Cure, which she helmed for almost a decade. Her aim was to provide clarity and cut through the hype and misinformation. In an August 2013 column, she wrote: “It’s time for the formulation of more precise definitions of HIV ‘cures’ to be devised and utilized not only within the HIV scientific community but also to curtail the media from inaccurate ‘cure’ reports.

“Hope is a beautiful thing. False hope can be dangerous and cruel to those hoping to be cured. Shouldn’t we more accurately define a ‘cure’ before counting the cured?”

In May 2020, pre-COVID vaccine, she wanted to make sure we were not distracted from all we needed to do: “For most of the U.S. and all but a few countries around the world, life as we know it has been severely altered by the novel coronavirus, SARS Cov-2.

The U.S. is unlikely to return to any resemblance of normalcy until a vaccine is discovered, which will take a year at minimum. Both a vaccine and effective therapeutics against COVID-19 are now the main priorities in medical research. However, we must ensure that the search for HIV cure and remission strategies, as well as an effective HIV vaccine, are not forgotten.”

Jeannie, we will keep your HIV vaccine focus in the forefront of our efforts. We won’t forget. Just as we will never forget you.

—Chael Needle

“Hope is a beautiful thing False hope can be dangerous and cruel to those hoping to be cured"

48

• DECEMBER 2021

Brian had his HIV under control with medication. But smoking with HIV caused him to have serious health problems, including a stroke, a blood clot in his lungs and surgery on an artery in his neck. Smoking makes living with HIV much worse. You can quit.

CALL 1-800-QUIT-NOW.

#CDCTips

HIV alone didn’t cause the clogged artery in my neck.

Smoking with HIV did.

Brian, age 45, California

TWO WAYS TREATMENT CAN HELP STOP HIV.

Starting HIV treatment as soon as possible and sticking with it every day helps you get to and stay undetectable. That means there is so little virus in the blood that a test can’t measure it.

And that’s a good thing, because:

BEING UNDETECTABLE HELPS STOP THE DAMAGE HIV CAUSES.

CURRENT RESEARCH SHOWS GETTING TO AND STAYING UNDETECTABLE PREVENTS THE SPREAD OF HIV THROUGH SEX.

There’s no cure for HIV, but if you stick with treatment, you can protect yourself and the people you care about. Talk to a healthcare provider and watch It’s Called Treatment as Prevention at YouTube.com/HelpStopTheVirus

GILEAD and the GILEAD Logo are trademarks of Gilead Sciences, Inc. All other marks are the property of their respective owners. © 2020 Gilead Sciences, Inc. All rights reserved. UNBC7537 08/20