Our “Firefighters” in Robes—And Improving Your Conspiracies

ENTRE NOUS

BY CLAUDE DUCLOUX

None of us, no matter what our personal beliefs, could have predicted the descent of our country into the depths of dysfunction that we saw in January. Aflame in lies and demagoguery rivaling the worst in modern history, our country squeaked through, although tipped up on two wheels as we rounded the corner.

But an unescapable reason for cresting the wave of lies was that the rule of law held. As I write this in late January, there have been about 100 “election” lawsuits filed around the country. Thus far, 66 have failed or been withdrawn, and none have succeeded in providing any evidence of widespread (or even narrow) fraud (despite the tempting offer by an eminent politico of a $1 million bribe “reward” for finding evidence). In that dearth, judges around the country—in both the trial and appellate courts—did their jobs. They created a “fire break” of sorts: They demanded evidence. That’s our system. Thank you. As a result, we’ll be here for at least four more years. The country was on fire, and our judges were the firefighters.

But the fires continue. Not even the dismal, embarrassing, and crushing failure to provide evidence stopped the lies, or even fazed many national leaders (and some luminaries in our profession) from spraying more fuel on the fires, aiding conspiracy theories, fingering imaginary villains, blaming the blameless, and thus, encouraging violence, hatred, and continuing social upheaval. These lies have put too many Americans at risk for personal attacks.

Who can disagree that leaders in a free society who deliberately lie to us are more dangerous than foreign enemies? Their leadership positions give legitimacy to fictitious conspiracies and encumber progress and social healing. And what we have witnessed cannot be seen as legitimate differences of opinion. As the words leave their lips and fingertips, they know they are lying.

There was a momentary pause, of course, right after the invasion of the Capitol, where everyone pretended to desire “healing” and “repairing our divisions.” Sure. But I doubt they were serious. Within days, I received this urgent request for money, warning: “… Far-Left and Radical policies will take control in the White House, the House, and now, the Senate.” And of course, Sen. Jim Jordan was on Noticias Zorro threatening his colleagues with unspeakable punishment for any acknowledgement of the President’s involvement in the Jan. 6 events (which he claimed were done by “Antifa”). So, that’s somewhat less conciliatory than one would hope.

Implicit bias training teaches us that people cannot accept evidence contrary to their firmly held beliefs .… Core beliefs are central to your personality. So, how do we heal?

Clearly, we could make huge strides towards putting out these fires and toning down the attacks, and we could likely do it quickly. But it would require honesty and disclosure by the primary purveyors of the central lies. And that’s simply not going to happen. Why? Implicit bias training teaches us that people cannot accept evidence contrary to their firmly held beliefs. Some call it “epistemic closure,” the inability to even consider that you are wrong. Core beliefs are central to your personality. So, how do we heal?

I suggest “pivoting.” That is, formulating responses which divert the conspiracies to something less toxic. So, here are some examples of real conspiracy theories and how to respond when confronted by a believer:

THEORY: Jews started the California forest fires, with space lasers.

RESPONSE: Not possible. They were started on a Saturday. Now, between you and me, I’d be looking at the Unitarians.

THEORY: 5-G electromagnetic waves are spreading the COVID-19 virus.

RESPONSE: Completely false. Reruns of “Wheel of Fortune” and “Frasier” are spreading the virus. Even logging on to “Cozy TV” requires masking.

THEORY: Bill Gates knew about COVID-19 ahead of time and is making money on it.

RESPONSE: False. His plan to pass tiny computer chips into your vaccine is true, but they were chips left over from Windows 95. They can’t start anything.

THEORY: The Chinese created COVID-19 as a weapon.

RESPONSE: False. Due to genetic sequencing, scientists have proven that SARS-CoV-2 has entirely natural origins. However, adding a single teaspoon of sugar to the virus results in the formula for Starbucks Pumpkin Spice.

THEORY: “Q” says Trump was recruited by top military generals to break up the “cabal” of elitists and Satan worshippers who eat people.

RESPONSE: Okay, this is a bit trickier. There is no cabal of cannibal-elitists. But the recruitment of Trump by top military generals unfortunately is true. The three top generals were Gen. Valery Gerasimov, Gen. Nikolai Bogdanovsky, and Gen. Pavel Gavrilovich.

THEORY: The Dominion voting machines were rigged to steal votes from Trump.

RESPONSE: No, they were rigged to steal from ME! I spoke to the ghost of Hugo Chavez, who informed me that Dominion machines counted the votes in my 2008 race for State Bar president, which accounts for my loss by 121 votes statewide (actually it was 124, but my three law partners voted against me twice). So, there could absolutely be no other reason why I lost. Fortunately, I had no mob of conspiracy junkies to go rush the State Bar building. But I did “help myself” to two TexasBarCLE pocket protectors from the PDP office, so I’m calling it even.

And in the meantime, let’s remember to thank our “Firefighters in Robes,” and help them by honoring the truth, by pushing against these false theories, and by acknowledging that our continued existence as a democratic republic depends on our having courage, by valuing the human spirit, and respecting each other.

Keep the faith. AL