ENTRE NOUS
HOW TO GIVE BAD ADVICE
BY CLAUDE DUCLOUX
S
ome things just come naturally to many of us. But that doesn’t mean we’ll do that thing well. How many singers whose warbling frightens cats and makes babies cry are convinced they should have been professional vocalists? How many lawyers think that the path to fame and glory is simply to sound smart, guess at answers, and lie when necessary? Quite a few, unfortunately. Of course, every profession has its deceivers and con artists, taking advantage of customers’ lack of knowledge or experience. Opportunists like this recent expert advising me. As you know, the “Snow-pocalypse” last February had disastrous effects on our plants and trees. When it appeared the tips of many of my oak trees were dead, I waited several months, and then hired an expensive tree service. “Bob’s” company charged me a 30
AUSTINLAWYER | SEPTEMBER 2021
rather breathtaking price to trim my trees in July, but he failed to take out many dead limbs, and I brought him back to discuss. The excuses I received for the crew’s failure to prune the lofty but clearly dead limbs off were almost like a Mel Brooks skit: TREE GUY: “Sir, I have to consider soil compaction, and the minerals available in subsoil strata.” ME: “Really, you need to consider subsoil to cut a dead branch 30 feet up?” TREE GUY: “Well, you don’t want to stress the phytophthora or the fusarium, do you?” ME: “Uh … aren’t those actually two root fungi?” TREE GUY: “How’d you know that?” ME: “Prune the dead branches, Bob.” Sadly, Bob didn’t know how many grievances I’ve handled— and that I’ve known Dicky Grigg
Like a good medical diagnostician, experienced disciplinary counsel can trace problems to several key areas, and you don’t need to be a forensic psychologist to connect these causes to their effects. so long—that I’m immune to most categories of B.S. But I had really good training, too. As most of you know, I started my career as a grievance attorney for the State Bar back in 1978. I was one of four so-called “Assistant General Counsel” for that office. The General Counsel’s office, then under Davis Grant, had all the typical duties of a true general counsel—contract review, advising the board and departments on a multitude of business and legislative issues, but we also operated the grievance system, advising 30 different grievance
committees, and handling disciplinary litigation (always filed in the home county of the accused lawyer). My experiences in that area of law have now been part of my practice for over 40 years. Needless to say, every profession has bad apples, and word gets around to others in that trade. If your mechanic needs to “adjust the points” on an electronic ignition, stay away. And some professions do our dirty work. A plumber might have to “clear the lines” when outgoing effluent piles up, and sadly, disciplinary counsel sees
